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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.

Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.

Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
WonnaPlay
Profile Joined September 2010
Netherlands912 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-10-27 17:44:59
October 27 2013 17:44 GMT
#5981
On October 28 2013 01:39 Maski wrote:
Okay, after being a quiet observer for a long time, I am finally desperate enough to share my trouble with you.

Short background on me: + Show Spoiler +
22 years old, student (junior year), gamer, doing lots of sports (running and gym), shy, never had a girlfriend


So I am currently studying abroad in the US and I met this awesome Swedish girl who is not just beyond beautiful and smart, but also down-to-earth, good hearted and funny. We hang out a lot and go on trips (traveling, sightseeing) and I am pretty sure I entered the friendzone already. Since she is just here for one semester, she will leave in less than two months (I stay longer). I am totally into her, despite telling me again and again that I should just leave it and it's not going to happen.
However, the heart is always stronger than the brain and so I feel totally shitty about myself. I have no idea how to make a move on women (trust me, it's really bad, I am so desperate). I suck at small talk so I usually just get to know women when I meet them in a class or, like this time, in my program, so we can get to know each other on a casual basis first and then I start falling for them once I know they have a good character, but this also means I always end up as just a friend. Like I said, I'm bad at moves or even reading the signs women send so I never know how to make it clear that I have feelings, because I am always afraid that I would make it awkward once it's out there. I don't even know what to expect in this case here, since I am not looking for casual sex, but rather reciprocal intimacy and affection. So since she is here for just 2 more months, that would make it so fucking complicated...
I just don't know what to do right know since this is all I can think about all the time and this really hurts the otherwise great experience of studying abroad. On the other hand, I don't want to let another opportunity go just because I am too fucking shy and cowardly to take a chance... Please, please, help me guys!! What should I do? Just suck it up, spend two more months knowing that I am an idiot or try my luck with the risk of making it weird and awkward for the next month? And if I try, how should I even do it? I have no idea....


It's a really tough situation because you've already been friendzoned.
The thing is, that if you want this girl really bad, you should make hanging out with her much more flirty. I don't know how you interact now, but say witty things when you're chilling with her about her looks (don't become too obvious at first) . *edit; or her smarts

Try and make her shy, touch her occasionally when you laugh with her.
Once you already flirt alot with her and touch her friendlike, it will become way more easy to go for the kiss later on. It is all pre-pre foreplay.
She obviously likes you, otherwise you wouldn't hang out with her much and girls like to be chased instead of them making a move.

Don't confess your love to her, but step by step get more 'clingy' with her and make a move when you feel like it is the right opportunity. This last step gets easier after a few beers/wines (make sure she does drink aswell, Swedish girls love the alcohol). Then in the case you make a move and she backs out, you can always leave it at the alcohol excuse, so it won't be awkward for the both of you afterwards. However if she backs out, which I don't think she will. It is over. You'll have missed your chance, but atleast you have gained some experience for the next girl
REDBLUEGREEN
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Germany1904 Posts
October 27 2013 18:40 GMT
#5982
On October 28 2013 01:39 Maski wrote:
Okay, after being a quiet observer for a long time, I am finally desperate enough to share my trouble with you.

Short background on me: + Show Spoiler +
22 years old, student (junior year), gamer, doing lots of sports (running and gym), shy, never had a girlfriend


So I am currently studying abroad in the US and I met this awesome Swedish girl who is not just beyond beautiful and smart, but also down-to-earth, good hearted and funny. We hang out a lot and go on trips (traveling, sightseeing) and I am pretty sure I entered the friendzone already. Since she is just here for one semester, she will leave in less than two months (I stay longer). I am totally into her, despite telling me again and again that I should just leave it and it's not going to happen.
However, the heart is always stronger than the brain and so I feel totally shitty about myself. I have no idea how to make a move on women (trust me, it's really bad, I am so desperate). I suck at small talk so I usually just get to know women when I meet them in a class or, like this time, in my program, so we can get to know each other on a casual basis first and then I start falling for them once I know they have a good character, but this also means I always end up as just a friend. Like I said, I'm bad at moves or even reading the signs women send so I never know how to make it clear that I have feelings, because I am always afraid that I would make it awkward once it's out there. I don't even know what to expect in this case here, since I am not looking for casual sex, but rather reciprocal intimacy and affection. So since she is here for just 2 more months, that would make it so fucking complicated...
I just don't know what to do right know since this is all I can think about all the time and this really hurts the otherwise great experience of studying abroad. On the other hand, I don't want to let another opportunity go just because I am too fucking shy and cowardly to take a chance... Please, please, help me guys!! What should I do? Just suck it up, spend two more months knowing that I am an idiot or try my luck with the risk of making it weird and awkward for the next month? And if I try, how should I even do it? I have no idea....

Hey man, I also really suck at flirting and smalltalk but don't stress, it just means it takes a while longer to get a girl but if you are not looking for casual sex/one night stands it really doesn't matter. In fact in retrospect the whole wooing process is often one of the most fun phases and the bigger the challenge or "hunt" the more exciting it gets.

So onto you and your girl. You can go through a simple checklist:
1) Did you have 1v1 time yet? Going sightseeing together (just the 2 of you or at least you 2 walking some distance away from rest of the group), grabbing a coffee, dinner(maybe there is a german restaurant you can go with her), or watching a movie(either cinema or in your dorm)
2) Did you have physical contact in a group setting? Her sitting on your lap, dancing together or give each other a shoulder massage?
3) Did you have physical contact during 1v1 time? Cuddling while watching a movie, Dancing with no friends around, massage(going lower on the back or legs).

If you have not yet done each of these things try to get to the next "stage".
If you can check each of these and she is comfortable with you chances are pretty high she is into you.
Next thing to do? At this stage you really shouldn't be shy and afraid of rejections anymore.
You can try to go for a kiss during a romantic moment or while cuddling and watching a movie(difficult, needs a bit of cojones and you need to recognize the good moments).
You can try escalating it during a massage, slipping your hands under her top slowly making your way to her inner thights/ass/some other erogenous zone. Proceed slowly thought, if you rush it and misread her you could get slapped :D(easier)
You can go for a kiss and make out drunk after dancing in a club(easy)

gl hf man, if you feel too shy and are afraid it will end horrible just remember she will be gone in 2 months anyway and this is a good practice environment
SixStrings
Profile Blog Joined August 2013
Germany2046 Posts
October 27 2013 20:22 GMT
#5983
This is more funny than my usual fails and pathetic attempts, so maybe you appreciate it:

As you can see in this thread, I'm trying to find a girl and failing pretty badly.
So naturally, I've been banging a chubby girl who's just getting over an ex. We're both pretty honest about only doing the stuff as long as a) I find someone I like better and b) she gets her ex back.

This morning she comes by, one of my roommates must have let her in, she comes into my room, I can't be arsed and pretend to be hungover. She makes me a coffee and gets me breakfast and we sleep for a couple of hours.
She asks me how much I had, I said I don't remember, blackout drunk. I wasn't, I was watching SC2.
Anyway, I make her believe I was out last night and drunk myself half to death, so I can have the rest of the day off.
She claims she had seen me out, we hung out a little and I proposed to her.

Yada yada, she knows it was just a drunken fancy, but anyway, she'd be up for it.
How far can you go to piss off your ex?
Aeroplaneoverthesea
Profile Joined April 2012
United Kingdom1977 Posts
October 27 2013 20:34 GMT
#5984
On October 28 2013 05:22 SixStrings wrote:
This is more funny than my usual fails and pathetic attempts, so maybe you appreciate it:

As you can see in this thread, I'm trying to find a girl and failing pretty badly.
So naturally, I've been banging a chubby girl who's just getting over an ex. We're both pretty honest about only doing the stuff as long as a) I find someone I like better and b) she gets her ex back.

This morning she comes by, one of my roommates must have let her in, she comes into my room, I can't be arsed and pretend to be hungover. She makes me a coffee and gets me breakfast and we sleep for a couple of hours.
She asks me how much I had, I said I don't remember, blackout drunk. I wasn't, I was watching SC2.
Anyway, I make her believe I was out last night and drunk myself half to death, so I can have the rest of the day off.
She claims she had seen me out, we hung out a little and I proposed to her.

Yada yada, she knows it was just a drunken fancy, but anyway, she'd be up for it.
How far can you go to piss off your ex?


Wait, weren't you the guy giving me shit the other week for lying to women?

Welcome to the darkside brother.

Anyway this girl sounds absolutely batshit crazy as fuck, if this was How I Met Your Mother she'd be in the Shelly Gillespie zone for sure. I bet she's awesome at sex though.

Seen as you don't have anyone else you may as well just keep on banging her while looking for someone else. That seems like the least moral but most fun course of action to me.
WarSame
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
Canada1950 Posts
October 27 2013 20:40 GMT
#5985
So... I'm not sure if I'm understanding that right, but you lied to her that you were hungover from being out drinking when you were watching SC2 so you wouldn't have to hang out with her. Then she told you that you proposed to her while you were dead-drunk the night before(when really you were in watching SC2)?
Can it be I stayed away too long? Did you miss these rhymes while I was gone?
SixStrings
Profile Blog Joined August 2013
Germany2046 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-10-27 20:47:44
October 27 2013 20:46 GMT
#5986
On October 28 2013 05:34 Aeroplaneoverthesea wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 28 2013 05:22 SixStrings wrote:
This is more funny than my usual fails and pathetic attempts, so maybe you appreciate it:

As you can see in this thread, I'm trying to find a girl and failing pretty badly.
So naturally, I've been banging a chubby girl who's just getting over an ex. We're both pretty honest about only doing the stuff as long as a) I find someone I like better and b) she gets her ex back.

This morning she comes by, one of my roommates must have let her in, she comes into my room, I can't be arsed and pretend to be hungover. She makes me a coffee and gets me breakfast and we sleep for a couple of hours.
She asks me how much I had, I said I don't remember, blackout drunk. I wasn't, I was watching SC2.
Anyway, I make her believe I was out last night and drunk myself half to death, so I can have the rest of the day off.
She claims she had seen me out, we hung out a little and I proposed to her.

Yada yada, she knows it was just a drunken fancy, but anyway, she'd be up for it.
How far can you go to piss off your ex?


I bet she's awesome at sex though.

Seen as you don't have anyone else you may as well just keep on banging her while looking for someone else. That seems like the least moral but most fun course of action to me.


You'd think that, but the sex is surprisingly stale. Might be because she's about as into me as vice versa and we're usually stoned out of our minds. Amazing BJs, though.

Anyway, I don't think it's even immoral, I don't lie to her about my intentions and she is very frank about the fact that I'm not really what she's looking for, either.

On October 28 2013 05:40 WarSame wrote:
So... I'm not sure if I'm understanding that right, but you lied to her that you were hungover from being out drinking when you were watching SC2 so you wouldn't have to hang out with her. Then she told you that you proposed to her while you were dead-drunk the night before(when really you were in watching SC2)?


Exactly. The length ugly people have to go through to get a BJ every now and then!
Chocolate
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States2350 Posts
October 27 2013 20:49 GMT
#5987
On October 28 2013 05:46 SixStrings wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 28 2013 05:34 Aeroplaneoverthesea wrote:
On October 28 2013 05:22 SixStrings wrote:
This is more funny than my usual fails and pathetic attempts, so maybe you appreciate it:

As you can see in this thread, I'm trying to find a girl and failing pretty badly.
So naturally, I've been banging a chubby girl who's just getting over an ex. We're both pretty honest about only doing the stuff as long as a) I find someone I like better and b) she gets her ex back.

This morning she comes by, one of my roommates must have let her in, she comes into my room, I can't be arsed and pretend to be hungover. She makes me a coffee and gets me breakfast and we sleep for a couple of hours.
She asks me how much I had, I said I don't remember, blackout drunk. I wasn't, I was watching SC2.
Anyway, I make her believe I was out last night and drunk myself half to death, so I can have the rest of the day off.
She claims she had seen me out, we hung out a little and I proposed to her.

Yada yada, she knows it was just a drunken fancy, but anyway, she'd be up for it.
How far can you go to piss off your ex?


I bet she's awesome at sex though.

Seen as you don't have anyone else you may as well just keep on banging her while looking for someone else. That seems like the least moral but most fun course of action to me.


You'd think that, but the sex is surprisingly stale. Might be because she's about as into me as vice versa and we're usually stoned out of our minds. Amazing BJs, though.

Anyway, I don't think it's even immoral, I don't lie to her about my intentions and she is very frank about the fact that I'm not really what she's looking for, either.

Why are you even together if you don't like most of the sex and aren't even into her relationship wise. I don't see why you would have a friends with benefits type scenario with someone that you do not even find attractive and who explicitly only wants to create drama.
SixStrings
Profile Blog Joined August 2013
Germany2046 Posts
October 27 2013 21:04 GMT
#5988
Do I really have to explain this to you?

Sex is like pizza, even bad pizza is still pretty good and certainly better than no pizza at all.
Chocolate
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States2350 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-10-27 21:08:32
October 27 2013 21:06 GMT
#5989
Maybe throwing out the bad pizza will give you more incentive to actually find some pizza that you like.
SixStrings
Profile Blog Joined August 2013
Germany2046 Posts
October 27 2013 21:13 GMT
#5990
Believe you me, I have plenty incentive. I've been without a girlfriend for two years, and without a girlfriend I'm really into for three.
arb
Profile Blog Joined April 2008
Noobville17921 Posts
October 27 2013 21:18 GMT
#5991
On October 28 2013 03:40 REDBLUEGREEN wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 28 2013 01:39 Maski wrote:
Okay, after being a quiet observer for a long time, I am finally desperate enough to share my trouble with you.

Short background on me: + Show Spoiler +
22 years old, student (junior year), gamer, doing lots of sports (running and gym), shy, never had a girlfriend


So I am currently studying abroad in the US and I met this awesome Swedish girl who is not just beyond beautiful and smart, but also down-to-earth, good hearted and funny. We hang out a lot and go on trips (traveling, sightseeing) and I am pretty sure I entered the friendzone already. Since she is just here for one semester, she will leave in less than two months (I stay longer). I am totally into her, despite telling me again and again that I should just leave it and it's not going to happen.
However, the heart is always stronger than the brain and so I feel totally shitty about myself. I have no idea how to make a move on women (trust me, it's really bad, I am so desperate). I suck at small talk so I usually just get to know women when I meet them in a class or, like this time, in my program, so we can get to know each other on a casual basis first and then I start falling for them once I know they have a good character, but this also means I always end up as just a friend. Like I said, I'm bad at moves or even reading the signs women send so I never know how to make it clear that I have feelings, because I am always afraid that I would make it awkward once it's out there. I don't even know what to expect in this case here, since I am not looking for casual sex, but rather reciprocal intimacy and affection. So since she is here for just 2 more months, that would make it so fucking complicated...
I just don't know what to do right know since this is all I can think about all the time and this really hurts the otherwise great experience of studying abroad. On the other hand, I don't want to let another opportunity go just because I am too fucking shy and cowardly to take a chance... Please, please, help me guys!! What should I do? Just suck it up, spend two more months knowing that I am an idiot or try my luck with the risk of making it weird and awkward for the next month? And if I try, how should I even do it? I have no idea....

Hey man, I also really suck at flirting and smalltalk but don't stress, it just means it takes a while longer to get a girl but if you are not looking for casual sex/one night stands it really doesn't matter. In fact in retrospect the whole wooing process is often one of the most fun phases and the bigger the challenge or "hunt" the more exciting it gets.

So onto you and your girl. You can go through a simple checklist:
1) Did you have 1v1 time yet? Going sightseeing together (just the 2 of you or at least you 2 walking some distance away from rest of the group), grabbing a coffee, dinner(maybe there is a german restaurant you can go with her), or watching a movie(either cinema or in your dorm)
2) Did you have physical contact in a group setting? Her sitting on your lap, dancing together or give each other a shoulder massage?
3) Did you have physical contact during 1v1 time? Cuddling while watching a movie, Dancing with no friends around, massage(going lower on the back or legs).

If you have not yet done each of these things try to get to the next "stage".
If you can check each of these and she is comfortable with you chances are pretty high she is into you.
Next thing to do? At this stage you really shouldn't be shy and afraid of rejections anymore.
You can try to go for a kiss during a romantic moment or while cuddling and watching a movie(difficult, needs a bit of cojones and you need to recognize the good moments).
You can try escalating it during a massage, slipping your hands under her top slowly making your way to her inner thights/ass/some other erogenous zone. Proceed slowly thought, if you rush it and misread her you could get slapped :D(easier)
You can go for a kiss and make out drunk after dancing in a club(easy)

gl hf man, if you feel too shy and are afraid it will end horrible just remember she will be gone in 2 months anyway and this is a good practice environment


I dunno, i dont ever feel like theres a right moment, but then again for me its always been kind of a.. well i guess it is a right moment nvm, but more of a i just know, then go get things done type thing ._., like instinct is taking over and telling me not to be a bitch.

I think if he's cuddling with her watching a movie or something, then its a done deal already, and you need to just go for it.
Artillery spawned from the forges of Hell
Recognizable
Profile Blog Joined December 2011
Netherlands1552 Posts
October 27 2013 21:26 GMT
#5992
There won't even be a right moment. Do something. Go for it. Take the initiative. Nothing will happen otherwise.
Aeroplaneoverthesea
Profile Joined April 2012
United Kingdom1977 Posts
October 27 2013 22:25 GMT
#5993
If you're without a girlfriend for two years you'll bang anything with a pulse. Even if you're not into her it's still good practice at being around a woman so you'll be better at talking to one you actually like.
WonnaPlay
Profile Joined September 2010
Netherlands912 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-10-28 01:07:51
October 28 2013 01:07 GMT
#5994
On October 28 2013 06:18 arb wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 28 2013 03:40 REDBLUEGREEN wrote:
On October 28 2013 01:39 Maski wrote:
Okay, after being a quiet observer for a long time, I am finally desperate enough to share my trouble with you.

Short background on me: + Show Spoiler +
22 years old, student (junior year), gamer, doing lots of sports (running and gym), shy, never had a girlfriend


So I am currently studying abroad in the US and I met this awesome Swedish girl who is not just beyond beautiful and smart, but also down-to-earth, good hearted and funny. We hang out a lot and go on trips (traveling, sightseeing) and I am pretty sure I entered the friendzone already. Since she is just here for one semester, she will leave in less than two months (I stay longer). I am totally into her, despite telling me again and again that I should just leave it and it's not going to happen.
However, the heart is always stronger than the brain and so I feel totally shitty about myself. I have no idea how to make a move on women (trust me, it's really bad, I am so desperate). I suck at small talk so I usually just get to know women when I meet them in a class or, like this time, in my program, so we can get to know each other on a casual basis first and then I start falling for them once I know they have a good character, but this also means I always end up as just a friend. Like I said, I'm bad at moves or even reading the signs women send so I never know how to make it clear that I have feelings, because I am always afraid that I would make it awkward once it's out there. I don't even know what to expect in this case here, since I am not looking for casual sex, but rather reciprocal intimacy and affection. So since she is here for just 2 more months, that would make it so fucking complicated...
I just don't know what to do right know since this is all I can think about all the time and this really hurts the otherwise great experience of studying abroad. On the other hand, I don't want to let another opportunity go just because I am too fucking shy and cowardly to take a chance... Please, please, help me guys!! What should I do? Just suck it up, spend two more months knowing that I am an idiot or try my luck with the risk of making it weird and awkward for the next month? And if I try, how should I even do it? I have no idea....

Hey man, I also really suck at flirting and smalltalk but don't stress, it just means it takes a while longer to get a girl but if you are not looking for casual sex/one night stands it really doesn't matter. In fact in retrospect the whole wooing process is often one of the most fun phases and the bigger the challenge or "hunt" the more exciting it gets.

So onto you and your girl. You can go through a simple checklist:
1) Did you have 1v1 time yet? Going sightseeing together (just the 2 of you or at least you 2 walking some distance away from rest of the group), grabbing a coffee, dinner(maybe there is a german restaurant you can go with her), or watching a movie(either cinema or in your dorm)
2) Did you have physical contact in a group setting? Her sitting on your lap, dancing together or give each other a shoulder massage?
3) Did you have physical contact during 1v1 time? Cuddling while watching a movie, Dancing with no friends around, massage(going lower on the back or legs).

If you have not yet done each of these things try to get to the next "stage".
If you can check each of these and she is comfortable with you chances are pretty high she is into you.
Next thing to do? At this stage you really shouldn't be shy and afraid of rejections anymore.
You can try to go for a kiss during a romantic moment or while cuddling and watching a movie(difficult, needs a bit of cojones and you need to recognize the good moments).
You can try escalating it during a massage, slipping your hands under her top slowly making your way to her inner thights/ass/some other erogenous zone. Proceed slowly thought, if you rush it and misread her you could get slapped :D(easier)
You can go for a kiss and make out drunk after dancing in a club(easy)

gl hf man, if you feel too shy and are afraid it will end horrible just remember she will be gone in 2 months anyway and this is a good practice environment


I dunno, i dont ever feel like theres a right moment, but then again for me its always been kind of a.. well i guess it is a right moment nvm, but more of a i just know, then go get things done type thing ._., like instinct is taking over and telling me not to be a bitch.

I think if he's cuddling with her watching a movie or something, then its a done deal already, and you need to just go for it.


It's all about the "cojones" that REDBLUEGREEN is talking about. You just have to set yourself up in that situation.
Cuddling only starts after initial small advances, and kissing only starts if you just search and find the correct moment.
Some girls really like to tease and give almost no to none opening/correct moments and you will have to talk yourself into one. Then when you think that it is the right moment, stop thinking and just go for it!
It's like Snowboarding/Skiing of a black piste. Set your mind to 0% and go like a madman. The same works for girls.
KaiserKieran
Profile Blog Joined August 2011
United States615 Posts
October 28 2013 21:26 GMT
#5995
Just got broken up with. Hurts but it wasn't heading anywhere and neither of us were really happy. I was actually just about to ask her out again when she told me.
Thanks universe for looking out for me.
+ Show Spoiler +
[image loading]
Maski
Profile Joined March 2012
Germany335 Posts
October 29 2013 01:11 GMT
#5996
On October 28 2013 10:07 WonnaPlay wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 28 2013 06:18 arb wrote:
On October 28 2013 03:40 REDBLUEGREEN wrote:
On October 28 2013 01:39 Maski wrote:
Okay, after being a quiet observer for a long time, I am finally desperate enough to share my trouble with you.

Short background on me: + Show Spoiler +
22 years old, student (junior year), gamer, doing lots of sports (running and gym), shy, never had a girlfriend


So I am currently studying abroad in the US and I met this awesome Swedish girl who is not just beyond beautiful and smart, but also down-to-earth, good hearted and funny. We hang out a lot and go on trips (traveling, sightseeing) and I am pretty sure I entered the friendzone already. Since she is just here for one semester, she will leave in less than two months (I stay longer). I am totally into her, despite telling me again and again that I should just leave it and it's not going to happen.
However, the heart is always stronger than the brain and so I feel totally shitty about myself. I have no idea how to make a move on women (trust me, it's really bad, I am so desperate). I suck at small talk so I usually just get to know women when I meet them in a class or, like this time, in my program, so we can get to know each other on a casual basis first and then I start falling for them once I know they have a good character, but this also means I always end up as just a friend. Like I said, I'm bad at moves or even reading the signs women send so I never know how to make it clear that I have feelings, because I am always afraid that I would make it awkward once it's out there. I don't even know what to expect in this case here, since I am not looking for casual sex, but rather reciprocal intimacy and affection. So since she is here for just 2 more months, that would make it so fucking complicated...
I just don't know what to do right know since this is all I can think about all the time and this really hurts the otherwise great experience of studying abroad. On the other hand, I don't want to let another opportunity go just because I am too fucking shy and cowardly to take a chance... Please, please, help me guys!! What should I do? Just suck it up, spend two more months knowing that I am an idiot or try my luck with the risk of making it weird and awkward for the next month? And if I try, how should I even do it? I have no idea....

Hey man, I also really suck at flirting and smalltalk but don't stress, it just means it takes a while longer to get a girl but if you are not looking for casual sex/one night stands it really doesn't matter. In fact in retrospect the whole wooing process is often one of the most fun phases and the bigger the challenge or "hunt" the more exciting it gets.

So onto you and your girl. You can go through a simple checklist:
1) Did you have 1v1 time yet? Going sightseeing together (just the 2 of you or at least you 2 walking some distance away from rest of the group), grabbing a coffee, dinner(maybe there is a german restaurant you can go with her), or watching a movie(either cinema or in your dorm)
2) Did you have physical contact in a group setting? Her sitting on your lap, dancing together or give each other a shoulder massage?
3) Did you have physical contact during 1v1 time? Cuddling while watching a movie, Dancing with no friends around, massage(going lower on the back or legs).

If you have not yet done each of these things try to get to the next "stage".
If you can check each of these and she is comfortable with you chances are pretty high she is into you.
Next thing to do? At this stage you really shouldn't be shy and afraid of rejections anymore.
You can try to go for a kiss during a romantic moment or while cuddling and watching a movie(difficult, needs a bit of cojones and you need to recognize the good moments).
You can try escalating it during a massage, slipping your hands under her top slowly making your way to her inner thights/ass/some other erogenous zone. Proceed slowly thought, if you rush it and misread her you could get slapped :D(easier)
You can go for a kiss and make out drunk after dancing in a club(easy)

gl hf man, if you feel too shy and are afraid it will end horrible just remember she will be gone in 2 months anyway and this is a good practice environment


I dunno, i dont ever feel like theres a right moment, but then again for me its always been kind of a.. well i guess it is a right moment nvm, but more of a i just know, then go get things done type thing ._., like instinct is taking over and telling me not to be a bitch.

I think if he's cuddling with her watching a movie or something, then its a done deal already, and you need to just go for it.


It's all about the "cojones" that REDBLUEGREEN is talking about. You just have to set yourself up in that situation.
Cuddling only starts after initial small advances, and kissing only starts if you just search and find the correct moment.
Some girls really like to tease and give almost no to none opening/correct moments and you will have to talk yourself into one. Then when you think that it is the right moment, stop thinking and just go for it!
It's like Snowboarding/Skiing of a black piste. Set your mind to 0% and go like a madman. The same works for girls.


Thanks for your feedback guys. I read through all of it, and it made me so grateful once again that I found this gem of a community, which seems to be the only place on the internet where you can actually have mature, constructive and helpful discussions, be it about games, personal issues or just anything else. Thanks!

Back to my problem: We spent a lot of time together this weekend, first we went on a road trip where I drove for nine hours with her sitting next to me and talking to me, and then yesterday I said that I would watch some series in the library to which she replied I should hang out in her dorm instead, so after doing this we watched a movie and had dinner together afterwards. I feel that during the movie, which we watched on her bed, sitting next to each other, I should have made a move, but I turned out to be a little coward again (she didn't really give me an opening, but I think that's just a bad excuse on my side). Today I did not see or talk to her at all and it felt woeful and sad, so I will definitely have to make a move, just to have certainty and think of something else again, even if I fail and get hurt. Obviously I will not go yolo-mode now, I rather hope that I can set up another intimate situation soon enough and then just go for it. Like my previous poster said, set my mind to 0% in that situation. I will keep you updated once I know how she feels, and if anyone has anything useful to contribute, feel free to do that!
Najda
Profile Joined June 2010
United States3765 Posts
October 29 2013 02:03 GMT
#5997
You watched a movie together on her bed? That was totally the perfect time to make a move. It doesn't have to be drastic but you should at least be making contact.
Impervious
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
Canada4207 Posts
October 29 2013 02:17 GMT
#5998
On October 28 2013 06:04 SixStrings wrote:
Do I really have to explain this to you?

Sex is like pizza, even bad pizza is still pretty good and certainly better than no pizza at all.

You say this now. Wait until you have some really bad pizza.
~ \(ˌ)im-ˈpər-vē-əs\ : not capable of being damaged or harmed.
Dogfoodboy16
Profile Joined October 2013
364 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-10-29 02:46:23
October 29 2013 02:41 GMT
#5999
On October 29 2013 11:17 Impervious wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 28 2013 06:04 SixStrings wrote:
Do I really have to explain this to you?

Sex is like pizza, even bad pizza is still pretty good and certainly better than no pizza at all.

You say this now. Wait until you have some really bad pizza.


Even worse, when you leave the room at a party, come back, and someone else is having sex with your pizza.
ZataN
Profile Joined July 2010
New Zealand414 Posts
October 29 2013 03:11 GMT
#6000
On October 29 2013 10:11 Maski wrote:
Thanks for your feedback guys. I read through all of it, and it made me so grateful once again that I found this gem of a community, which seems to be the only place on the internet where you can actually have mature, constructive and helpful discussions, be it about games, personal issues or just anything else. Thanks!

Back to my problem: We spent a lot of time together this weekend, first we went on a road trip where I drove for nine hours with her sitting next to me and talking to me, and then yesterday I said that I would watch some series in the library to which she replied I should hang out in her dorm instead, so after doing this we watched a movie and had dinner together afterwards. I feel that during the movie, which we watched on her bed, sitting next to each other, I should have made a move, but I turned out to be a little coward again (she didn't really give me an opening, but I think that's just a bad excuse on my side). Today I did not see or talk to her at all and it felt woeful and sad, so I will definitely have to make a move, just to have certainty and think of something else again, even if I fail and get hurt. Obviously I will not go yolo-mode now, I rather hope that I can set up another intimate situation soon enough and then just go for it. Like my previous poster said, set my mind to 0% in that situation. I will keep you updated once I know how she feels, and if anyone has anything useful to contribute, feel free to do that!


You've got to remember, the longer you leave it the more likely she is to think you arent in to her, and will move on. Esp if you were on a bed watching a movie with her. She will now be thinking you aren't interested in her, as any interested man should have made a move. You could still have a shot though all girls are different, the longer you leave it the worse your chances.
CJ BABY | FAKER > PAWN BELIEVE IT
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