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Dating: How's your luck? - Page 18

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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.

Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.

Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
frogrubdown
Profile Blog Joined June 2011
1266 Posts
October 10 2011 15:33 GMT
#341
On October 11 2011 00:13 Jayjay54 wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 10 2011 23:58 frogrubdown wrote:
This is a really nice thread.

Now if only every page didn't have some PUA guy saying "You're doing it wrong! Treat them like objects!", even though it's obvious that the majority of depressing posts here are from people that want more than a hookup.


yeah, but you don't wanna act like the nicest guy in the world. u never get anything, but the friend zone. so in a way, if you're being total jackass u probably have better chances to get a gf than if you're being too nice. u can start treating her good as soon as she knows u def not wanna be friends...


But why would you act like the nicest guy in the world unless you actually were the nicest guy in the world? Either,

A) You are the nicest guy in the world, and it would be wrong to discourage you from continuing to be who you are to find someone, or

B) You are not the nicest guy in the world, but you think you are a supposed to pretend to be in front of girls. If this is the case, then you're just like the PUA guys, putting on an act to get a girl, only you have a less successful strategy than them.

If the latter group sincerely wants a real relationship, they just need to stop acting like women are a different species and be themselves around them (combined with appropriate hints at physical attraction).

But there's still a huge difference between being your mildly asshole-ish self around girls and actively devising dehumanizing, asshole strategies to manipulate them into liking you. You can have a perfectly fine love life following the first path. But I have a significant moral problem with second, at least when applied to potential serious relationships, and I imagine most of the thread shares this issue.
headbus
Profile Joined March 2011
Canada173 Posts
October 10 2011 15:38 GMT
#342
Dating is overrated, I know one girl who I'd actually date, and because of the circumstances atm we cannot be together.

So until we can, I'll just be single and sleep around.
Ginkgo
Profile Joined August 2010
8 Posts
October 10 2011 15:44 GMT
#343
when u say wants more than a hookup, that does still involve a hookup. And dont u forget it.
Kimaker
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
United States2131 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-10-10 15:45:16
October 10 2011 15:45 GMT
#344
No luck involved.
Entusman #54 (-_-) ||"Gold is for the Mistress-Silver for the Maid-Copper for the craftsman cunning in his trade. "Good!" said the Baron, sitting in his hall, But Iron — Cold Iron — is master of them all|| "Optimism is Cowardice."- Oswald Spengler
Myrddraal
Profile Joined December 2010
Australia937 Posts
October 10 2011 15:45 GMT
#345
On October 09 2011 23:00 Durp wrote:
The first date I went on with my last girlfriend was to the Gigantour concert. Dream Theater (one of our mutual fav bands) was opening for Megadeth (one of my actual favourite bands), so I thought why not, I'd take her instead of one of my friends.

Day seemed to go well enough, got a little road head on the drive to the concert, so I expected the best out of this date.

When we arrived, as she put it "terrible music band X" was playing- aka Fear Factory. She dragged me from our seats during their set to go look for concert T-shirts. I was pretty poor at the time, and the 40 bucks she somehow talked me into spending was all my money. I was hoping to get laid at the concert, but unfortunately two of the fattest trailer trash hicks I've ever seen were drunk and feeling each other up a couple rows in front of us. While it was hysterical to watch and one of those forever lasting impressions, obviously it was an equally epic cockblock.

Dream Theater put on a fantastic show, but 3 songs into Megadeth's set my now-ex realized she was hungry and wanted to go. Of course, I told her to fuck herself and we're not leaving until the end of the Megadeth set, or at the very least after Hangar 18 was played. Her response was that she "wanted me to fuck her, and doesn't want to fuck herself. However if that's my attitude it's unlikely to ever happen."
Hmm I thought- crazy bitch pulls power play at Megadeth concert, uses sex as weapon, and is ruining my time- is this worth it? Like most men, my little head thought for my big one, so I agreed to leave, banged her on the way home, and thought no more about it.

The next day at school I found out that not only was the Megadeth set fantastic, but Mike Portnoy (the at the time drummer for Dream Theater) came out at the end of the set to play the drums for Peace Sells. I should've learned then: no good would come from dating that bitch. In our four years of dating that was the last time I took that bitch on a date. And on top of it all, the concert t-shirt I bought her was hideous, and didn't fit a year later when she got all fat. Looking back, so glad I dumped her haha

I <3 this thread, what a pick me up

Show nested quote +
On October 09 2011 23:02 1800STFU wrote:
Had one girlfriend for about 6 months, then she started to stalk me on another forums despite the fact I NEVER TOLD HER THE FORUM OR MY SCREEN NAME.

Anyways I said some stuff of there talking about other forum goers about girl problems and she sent be a 20 page text saying how she wants to shoot my balls off with a crossbow....yada yada yada.

Yeah haven't even tried or looked for anyone else sense. It's just such a headache and takes too much energy. Not worth it.

Lol the ex-girlfriend mentioned above did the same shit to me man! Michelle, if you somehow found me here know this: you're a self absorbed cunt, and I want my N64 back.


Hahah nice message at the end there.

Also, Fear Factory are awesome, seeing them is to this date the most metal experience I have ever had. I am still haunted by the fact that I missed the first half of their set because my girlfriend wanted to see Muse. It's okay though I forgive her for it, I just have to wait until they come again.
[stranded]: http://www.indiedb.com/games/stranded
Cel.erity
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
United States4890 Posts
October 10 2011 15:46 GMT
#346
On October 10 2011 23:28 SPcrusader wrote:
I work at a bar and somehow this makes you attractive to girls.( Seriously, Im average at best). Anyways this pretty black haired chick walks up to the bar and slips me a note with her number on it.
I was like :" aaaaw yeeah! Gonna get laid fo sho!". She goes to an afterparty and I quickly close the bar and down a few beers before calling her. " Oh please come to the afterparty" Was her reply. Getting pumped as a Templar with the Khaydarin Amulet. Now, the women in Norway are really slutty and often have sex on the first date. This woman however was ... Russian! We talked alot and i finally managed to kiss her at 5 am. But then she suddenly stopped me and started asking alot about my interests and such. I told her she was special( and I meant every word) and I would love to get to know her better. Seems she wanted a date and I accepted the challenge. I really took a liking to her, because im not used to women holding back. The next weekend I met another (Norwegian girl) And we had sex on the first night. A couple of days later I send a message to the russian girl. She tells me that im a lowlife scumbag... Turns out the norwegian girl i slept with was a coworker of hers and they had constructed a " Trap" to see if I was trustworthy.. Turns out im not. Damn you, penis!


I like how this "trap" ended with you getting to bang the Norwegian girl. Seems like she's kind of a bitch, screwing the guy her friend likes, under the guise of testing him. I mean, she could have just stopped you and been like "Gotcha!"
We found Dove in a soapless place.
vek-
Profile Joined September 2010
Germany49 Posts
October 10 2011 15:46 GMT
#347
No luck at all ...
Jayjay54
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
Germany2296 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-10-10 15:50:06
October 10 2011 15:48 GMT
#348
On October 11 2011 00:33 frogrubdown wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 11 2011 00:13 Jayjay54 wrote:
On October 10 2011 23:58 frogrubdown wrote:
This is a really nice thread.

Now if only every page didn't have some PUA guy saying "You're doing it wrong! Treat them like objects!", even though it's obvious that the majority of depressing posts here are from people that want more than a hookup.


yeah, but you don't wanna act like the nicest guy in the world. u never get anything, but the friend zone. so in a way, if you're being total jackass u probably have better chances to get a gf than if you're being too nice. u can start treating her good as soon as she knows u def not wanna be friends...


But why would you act like the nicest guy in the world unless you actually were the nicest guy in the world? Either,

A) You are the nicest guy in the world, and it would be wrong to discourage you from continuing to be who you are to find someone, or

B) You are not the nicest guy in the world, but you think you are a supposed to pretend to be in front of girls. If this is the case, then you're just like the PUA guys, putting on an act to get a girl, only you have a less successful strategy than them.

If the latter group sincerely wants a real relationship, they just need to stop acting like women are a different species and be themselves around them (combined with appropriate hints at physical attraction).

But there's still a huge difference between being your mildly asshole-ish self around girls and actively devising dehumanizing, asshole strategies to manipulate them into liking you. You can have a perfectly fine love life following the first path. But I have a significant moral problem with second, at least when applied to potential serious relationships, and I imagine most of the thread shares this issue.


I agree in most parts.

But I don't agree that you are born as an asshole or the nicest guy. These are choices how to behave in various groups of people. You can choose to hold the door open for her and get in on slow. Or you can choose to push it and don't open the door.

Most people who end up in the friend zone play it safe and 'try to be there for her'. I tried this a lot when I was younger. Doesn't work.

Like you said, being yourself is key here. And don't overemphasize any so called pretentious social norms. Act like u normally act. Let's face it, sometimes you are an asshole to your friends. You make fun of them and so on. Do so with your girl and don't think about if she likes it or not. After all that is you and she has to like you in order for the whole thing to work. If you treat her artificially nice => friend zone. That's what happened to me and to a lot of other guys here...

and for god's sake. all these posts 'I don't want to date', 'I gave up years ago' and so on make me sad. I said it before. It's like balance whining. Get it together, identify what has to be changed in your life to work stuff out and then go practice. If you keep everything as it is, you probably be forever alone. But you are responsible for it. and not the cruel world.
Things are laid back in Unidenland. And may the road ahead be lid with dreams and tomorrows. Which are lid with dreams. Also.
zalz
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
Netherlands3704 Posts
October 10 2011 15:49 GMT
#349
On October 11 2011 00:46 Cel.erity wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 10 2011 23:28 SPcrusader wrote:
I work at a bar and somehow this makes you attractive to girls.( Seriously, Im average at best). Anyways this pretty black haired chick walks up to the bar and slips me a note with her number on it.
I was like :" aaaaw yeeah! Gonna get laid fo sho!". She goes to an afterparty and I quickly close the bar and down a few beers before calling her. " Oh please come to the afterparty" Was her reply. Getting pumped as a Templar with the Khaydarin Amulet. Now, the women in Norway are really slutty and often have sex on the first date. This woman however was ... Russian! We talked alot and i finally managed to kiss her at 5 am. But then she suddenly stopped me and started asking alot about my interests and such. I told her she was special( and I meant every word) and I would love to get to know her better. Seems she wanted a date and I accepted the challenge. I really took a liking to her, because im not used to women holding back. The next weekend I met another (Norwegian girl) And we had sex on the first night. A couple of days later I send a message to the russian girl. She tells me that im a lowlife scumbag... Turns out the norwegian girl i slept with was a coworker of hers and they had constructed a " Trap" to see if I was trustworthy.. Turns out im not. Damn you, penis!


I like how this "trap" ended with you getting to bang the Norwegian girl. Seems like she's kind of a bitch, screwing the guy her friend likes, under the guise of testing him. I mean, she could have just stopped you and been like "Gotcha!"


I wish i ran into more traps like that.

Ooh no i got laid, you got me
FabledIntegral
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
United States9232 Posts
October 10 2011 15:54 GMT
#350
On October 11 2011 00:49 zalz wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 11 2011 00:46 Cel.erity wrote:
On October 10 2011 23:28 SPcrusader wrote:
I work at a bar and somehow this makes you attractive to girls.( Seriously, Im average at best). Anyways this pretty black haired chick walks up to the bar and slips me a note with her number on it.
I was like :" aaaaw yeeah! Gonna get laid fo sho!". She goes to an afterparty and I quickly close the bar and down a few beers before calling her. " Oh please come to the afterparty" Was her reply. Getting pumped as a Templar with the Khaydarin Amulet. Now, the women in Norway are really slutty and often have sex on the first date. This woman however was ... Russian! We talked alot and i finally managed to kiss her at 5 am. But then she suddenly stopped me and started asking alot about my interests and such. I told her she was special( and I meant every word) and I would love to get to know her better. Seems she wanted a date and I accepted the challenge. I really took a liking to her, because im not used to women holding back. The next weekend I met another (Norwegian girl) And we had sex on the first night. A couple of days later I send a message to the russian girl. She tells me that im a lowlife scumbag... Turns out the norwegian girl i slept with was a coworker of hers and they had constructed a " Trap" to see if I was trustworthy.. Turns out im not. Damn you, penis!


I like how this "trap" ended with you getting to bang the Norwegian girl. Seems like she's kind of a bitch, screwing the guy her friend likes, under the guise of testing him. I mean, she could have just stopped you and been like "Gotcha!"


I wish i ran into more traps like that.

Ooh no i got laid, you got me


Bahahahaha me too!
frogrubdown
Profile Blog Joined June 2011
1266 Posts
October 10 2011 16:06 GMT
#351
On October 11 2011 00:48 Jayjay54 wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 11 2011 00:33 frogrubdown wrote:
On October 11 2011 00:13 Jayjay54 wrote:
On October 10 2011 23:58 frogrubdown wrote:
This is a really nice thread.

Now if only every page didn't have some PUA guy saying "You're doing it wrong! Treat them like objects!", even though it's obvious that the majority of depressing posts here are from people that want more than a hookup.


yeah, but you don't wanna act like the nicest guy in the world. u never get anything, but the friend zone. so in a way, if you're being total jackass u probably have better chances to get a gf than if you're being too nice. u can start treating her good as soon as she knows u def not wanna be friends...


But why would you act like the nicest guy in the world unless you actually were the nicest guy in the world? Either,

A) You are the nicest guy in the world, and it would be wrong to discourage you from continuing to be who you are to find someone, or

B) You are not the nicest guy in the world, but you think you are a supposed to pretend to be in front of girls. If this is the case, then you're just like the PUA guys, putting on an act to get a girl, only you have a less successful strategy than them.

If the latter group sincerely wants a real relationship, they just need to stop acting like women are a different species and be themselves around them (combined with appropriate hints at physical attraction).

But there's still a huge difference between being your mildly asshole-ish self around girls and actively devising dehumanizing, asshole strategies to manipulate them into liking you. You can have a perfectly fine love life following the first path. But I have a significant moral problem with second, at least when applied to potential serious relationships, and I imagine most of the thread shares this issue.


I agree in most parts.

But I don't agree that you are born as an asshole or the nicest guy. These are choices how to behave in various groups of people. You can choose to hold the door open for her and get in on slow. Or you can choose to push it and don't open the door.

Most people who end up in the friend zone play it safe and 'try to be there for her'. I tried this a lot when I was younger. Doesn't work.

Like you said, being yourself is key here. And don't overemphasize any so called pretentious social norms. Act like u normally act. Let's face it, sometimes you are an asshole to your friends. You make fun of them and so on. Do so with your girl and don't think about if she likes it or not. After all that is you and she has to like you in order for the whole thing to work. If you treat her artificially nice => friend zone. That's what happened to me and to a lot of other guys here...

and for god's sake. all these posts 'I don't want to date', 'I gave up years ago' and so on make me sad. I said it before. It's like balance whining. Get it together, identify what has to be changed in your life to work stuff out and then go practice. If you keep everything as it is, you probably be forever alone. But you are responsible for it. and not the cruel world.


Well, since I don't think that niceness is innate either, I'd say we agree on nearly all points.

My problem is with people treating this like a game. This applies as much to people playing the "act nicer than I actually am" strategy just as much as it does to people playing the "destroy her self-esteem to make her want me more" strategy. If you want something serious, don't play around.
Garnet
Profile Blog Joined February 2006
Vietnam9033 Posts
October 10 2011 16:08 GMT
#352
On October 09 2011 16:31 Fir3fly wrote:
EDIT: I also just want to say to anyone out there wanting relationships:

Show nested quote +
How can you know what you want in a person, when you haven't even discovered yourself yet.



(i think day[9] said something like this once aswel.)




"Life's not about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself."
Gigaudas
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
Sweden1213 Posts
October 10 2011 16:12 GMT
#353
On October 11 2011 00:07 Mykill wrote:
chivalry is dead. women killed it.


Thank god! Everything is so much easier when you just say what you mean rather than trying to be romantic and masculine. Fucking awful ideals making people feel terrible about themselves and creating relationships where people don't dare talking about their feelings, afraid of "breaking the spell".

On topic, I'm currently trying to not feel bad about my just-recent-ex meeting other guys. It's a lot easier now that we broke up though - we were seeing others back before we were together, just waiting for her to move back home to Sweden so that we could start our relationship. Those times were painful, I lost 6kg in a few weeks! Jealousy is hard to ignore. The year we had together was worth it though, even if we decided to separate.
I
FractalsOnFire
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Australia1756 Posts
October 10 2011 16:20 GMT
#354
I fucking love this thread. So good.

I don't have anything much to add though but i'm definitely trying to change and get out there.
TheDraken
Profile Joined July 2011
United States640 Posts
October 10 2011 16:21 GMT
#355
On October 11 2011 01:06 frogrubdown wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 11 2011 00:48 Jayjay54 wrote:
On October 11 2011 00:33 frogrubdown wrote:
On October 11 2011 00:13 Jayjay54 wrote:
On October 10 2011 23:58 frogrubdown wrote:
This is a really nice thread.

Now if only every page didn't have some PUA guy saying "You're doing it wrong! Treat them like objects!", even though it's obvious that the majority of depressing posts here are from people that want more than a hookup.


yeah, but you don't wanna act like the nicest guy in the world. u never get anything, but the friend zone. so in a way, if you're being total jackass u probably have better chances to get a gf than if you're being too nice. u can start treating her good as soon as she knows u def not wanna be friends...


But why would you act like the nicest guy in the world unless you actually were the nicest guy in the world? Either,

A) You are the nicest guy in the world, and it would be wrong to discourage you from continuing to be who you are to find someone, or

B) You are not the nicest guy in the world, but you think you are a supposed to pretend to be in front of girls. If this is the case, then you're just like the PUA guys, putting on an act to get a girl, only you have a less successful strategy than them.

If the latter group sincerely wants a real relationship, they just need to stop acting like women are a different species and be themselves around them (combined with appropriate hints at physical attraction).

But there's still a huge difference between being your mildly asshole-ish self around girls and actively devising dehumanizing, asshole strategies to manipulate them into liking you. You can have a perfectly fine love life following the first path. But I have a significant moral problem with second, at least when applied to potential serious relationships, and I imagine most of the thread shares this issue.


I agree in most parts.

But I don't agree that you are born as an asshole or the nicest guy. These are choices how to behave in various groups of people. You can choose to hold the door open for her and get in on slow. Or you can choose to push it and don't open the door.

Most people who end up in the friend zone play it safe and 'try to be there for her'. I tried this a lot when I was younger. Doesn't work.

Like you said, being yourself is key here. And don't overemphasize any so called pretentious social norms. Act like u normally act. Let's face it, sometimes you are an asshole to your friends. You make fun of them and so on. Do so with your girl and don't think about if she likes it or not. After all that is you and she has to like you in order for the whole thing to work. If you treat her artificially nice => friend zone. That's what happened to me and to a lot of other guys here...

and for god's sake. all these posts 'I don't want to date', 'I gave up years ago' and so on make me sad. I said it before. It's like balance whining. Get it together, identify what has to be changed in your life to work stuff out and then go practice. If you keep everything as it is, you probably be forever alone. But you are responsible for it. and not the cruel world.


Well, since I don't think that niceness is innate either, I'd say we agree on nearly all points.

My problem is with people treating this like a game. This applies as much to people playing the "act nicer than I actually am" strategy just as much as it does to people playing the "destroy her self-esteem to make her want me more" strategy. If you want something serious, don't play around.



how is it not a game? you find ladies, you try to snatch a card, you get it, you move on. the guy with the most at the end is the winner!

it's all about building street cred bro. in fact i've found it becomes easier the more manwhore you are. if this chick knows you've fucked all her friends but not her, she's gonna want in on the club so she doesn't feel unattractive/unworthy.
fast food. y u no make me fast? <( ಠ益ಠ <)
KurtistheTurtle
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
United States1966 Posts
October 10 2011 16:24 GMT
#356
21, there are two girls i would only consider as having been in relationships with,

first one: a year, senior year of high school.

next one: almost 11 months now, currently with her. dont know where its going, but i enjoy her company and thats all i ask for

and if youre looking for advice, as i feel implied in this thread, I can tell you two things:

the most unattractive traits in men are complacency, and lack of ambition.

next, if you're trying to control or manipulate others (different from honesty & persuasion) it comes from a place of insecurity. stop that, figure out why you're doing that, and stop it.

finally, getting good with girls really means getting good at what you like doing. really good. best you can, constantly striving for more. hanging out with lots of women will naturally benefit you, but doing things you love well actually benefits you more. despite being in a social frat and having a wide array of friends, i have troubles keeping a convo up. but if you've got something going on, a mission for yourself and a passion for it, somehow girls just know and its all ok. the jokes and laughter will come. and with repetition the nerves fade, or rather they become fun

and probably the most awesome thing ive learned, nervous is encouraged. i used to be under the illusion i couldnt show any nerves or weakness at all, had insanely high personal standards. no. its comopletely fine to be blithering over your words if thats really how you feel, the gals appreciate honesty and if youre nervous--they're flattered. what matters isnt what you do, its why you do it and that you go through with it. there is a huge difference between a surprise handpicked flower with a note "you're an awesome girlfriend" and a bouqet of roses on valentines day
“Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears."
Jayjay54
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
Germany2296 Posts
October 10 2011 16:28 GMT
#357
On October 11 2011 01:21 TheDraken wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 11 2011 01:06 frogrubdown wrote:
On October 11 2011 00:48 Jayjay54 wrote:
On October 11 2011 00:33 frogrubdown wrote:
On October 11 2011 00:13 Jayjay54 wrote:
On October 10 2011 23:58 frogrubdown wrote:
This is a really nice thread.

Now if only every page didn't have some PUA guy saying "You're doing it wrong! Treat them like objects!", even though it's obvious that the majority of depressing posts here are from people that want more than a hookup.


yeah, but you don't wanna act like the nicest guy in the world. u never get anything, but the friend zone. so in a way, if you're being total jackass u probably have better chances to get a gf than if you're being too nice. u can start treating her good as soon as she knows u def not wanna be friends...


But why would you act like the nicest guy in the world unless you actually were the nicest guy in the world? Either,

A) You are the nicest guy in the world, and it would be wrong to discourage you from continuing to be who you are to find someone, or

B) You are not the nicest guy in the world, but you think you are a supposed to pretend to be in front of girls. If this is the case, then you're just like the PUA guys, putting on an act to get a girl, only you have a less successful strategy than them.

If the latter group sincerely wants a real relationship, they just need to stop acting like women are a different species and be themselves around them (combined with appropriate hints at physical attraction).

But there's still a huge difference between being your mildly asshole-ish self around girls and actively devising dehumanizing, asshole strategies to manipulate them into liking you. You can have a perfectly fine love life following the first path. But I have a significant moral problem with second, at least when applied to potential serious relationships, and I imagine most of the thread shares this issue.


I agree in most parts.

But I don't agree that you are born as an asshole or the nicest guy. These are choices how to behave in various groups of people. You can choose to hold the door open for her and get in on slow. Or you can choose to push it and don't open the door.

Most people who end up in the friend zone play it safe and 'try to be there for her'. I tried this a lot when I was younger. Doesn't work.

Like you said, being yourself is key here. And don't overemphasize any so called pretentious social norms. Act like u normally act. Let's face it, sometimes you are an asshole to your friends. You make fun of them and so on. Do so with your girl and don't think about if she likes it or not. After all that is you and she has to like you in order for the whole thing to work. If you treat her artificially nice => friend zone. That's what happened to me and to a lot of other guys here...

and for god's sake. all these posts 'I don't want to date', 'I gave up years ago' and so on make me sad. I said it before. It's like balance whining. Get it together, identify what has to be changed in your life to work stuff out and then go practice. If you keep everything as it is, you probably be forever alone. But you are responsible for it. and not the cruel world.


Well, since I don't think that niceness is innate either, I'd say we agree on nearly all points.

My problem is with people treating this like a game. This applies as much to people playing the "act nicer than I actually am" strategy just as much as it does to people playing the "destroy her self-esteem to make her want me more" strategy. If you want something serious, don't play around.



how is it not a game? you find ladies, you try to snatch a card, you get it, you move on. the guy with the most at the end is the winner!

it's all about building street cred bro. in fact i've found it becomes easier the more manwhore you are. if this chick knows you've fucked all her friends but not her, she's gonna want in on the club so she doesn't feel unattractive/unworthy.


I would not go that far, but it's def a game. You have to convince a woman that you are worthy more than others. This involves e.g. hiding you bad attributes and making yourself attractive. if you don't, somebody else will and thus seem more worthy.

so you have to try to be yourself, but at the same time put yourself in the right light.
Things are laid back in Unidenland. And may the road ahead be lid with dreams and tomorrows. Which are lid with dreams. Also.
Cel.erity
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
United States4890 Posts
October 10 2011 16:29 GMT
#358
On October 11 2011 01:21 TheDraken wrote:
Show nested quote +
On October 11 2011 01:06 frogrubdown wrote:
On October 11 2011 00:48 Jayjay54 wrote:
On October 11 2011 00:33 frogrubdown wrote:
On October 11 2011 00:13 Jayjay54 wrote:
On October 10 2011 23:58 frogrubdown wrote:
This is a really nice thread.

Now if only every page didn't have some PUA guy saying "You're doing it wrong! Treat them like objects!", even though it's obvious that the majority of depressing posts here are from people that want more than a hookup.


yeah, but you don't wanna act like the nicest guy in the world. u never get anything, but the friend zone. so in a way, if you're being total jackass u probably have better chances to get a gf than if you're being too nice. u can start treating her good as soon as she knows u def not wanna be friends...


But why would you act like the nicest guy in the world unless you actually were the nicest guy in the world? Either,

A) You are the nicest guy in the world, and it would be wrong to discourage you from continuing to be who you are to find someone, or

B) You are not the nicest guy in the world, but you think you are a supposed to pretend to be in front of girls. If this is the case, then you're just like the PUA guys, putting on an act to get a girl, only you have a less successful strategy than them.

If the latter group sincerely wants a real relationship, they just need to stop acting like women are a different species and be themselves around them (combined with appropriate hints at physical attraction).

But there's still a huge difference between being your mildly asshole-ish self around girls and actively devising dehumanizing, asshole strategies to manipulate them into liking you. You can have a perfectly fine love life following the first path. But I have a significant moral problem with second, at least when applied to potential serious relationships, and I imagine most of the thread shares this issue.


I agree in most parts.

But I don't agree that you are born as an asshole or the nicest guy. These are choices how to behave in various groups of people. You can choose to hold the door open for her and get in on slow. Or you can choose to push it and don't open the door.

Most people who end up in the friend zone play it safe and 'try to be there for her'. I tried this a lot when I was younger. Doesn't work.

Like you said, being yourself is key here. And don't overemphasize any so called pretentious social norms. Act like u normally act. Let's face it, sometimes you are an asshole to your friends. You make fun of them and so on. Do so with your girl and don't think about if she likes it or not. After all that is you and she has to like you in order for the whole thing to work. If you treat her artificially nice => friend zone. That's what happened to me and to a lot of other guys here...

and for god's sake. all these posts 'I don't want to date', 'I gave up years ago' and so on make me sad. I said it before. It's like balance whining. Get it together, identify what has to be changed in your life to work stuff out and then go practice. If you keep everything as it is, you probably be forever alone. But you are responsible for it. and not the cruel world.


Well, since I don't think that niceness is innate either, I'd say we agree on nearly all points.

My problem is with people treating this like a game. This applies as much to people playing the "act nicer than I actually am" strategy just as much as it does to people playing the "destroy her self-esteem to make her want me more" strategy. If you want something serious, don't play around.



how is it not a game? you find ladies, you try to snatch a card, you get it, you move on. the guy with the most at the end is the winner!

it's all about building street cred bro. in fact i've found it becomes easier the more manwhore you are. if this chick knows you've fucked all her friends but not her, she's gonna want in on the club so she doesn't feel unattractive/unworthy.


That's not dating, that's just pickup. Different thread.
We found Dove in a soapless place.
shin ken
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
Germany612 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-10-10 16:31:05
October 10 2011 16:29 GMT
#359
Never had a relationship and I'm totally happy with my life (I'm 25).
It all comes down to a) setting priorities and b) do what you want and c) know who you are.

I'm a nerd and I'm ok with that. I'm most comfortable in front of a computer screen. Im not fat or thin. I don't smell. But I spent almost all of my money, time and effort with other things than clubbing/dating/whatever.

Yet I'm quite social but my closest friends are proud nerds like me. That's natural because conversations with "other people" become superficial sooner or later. It's rare, that I find someone not interested in nerd stuff that I can talk all night with. And while that's happening from time to time they're almost always men.

I know some guys who have abandoned quite a large part of their identity just to get a girlfriend. Some I never heard from again, some always tell me how they would like nothing more than to do more gaming etc. but can't because of their girlfriends. And from time to time there's a broken relationship and someone becomes a depressive wreck for a week and two.

I for one don't want to do any compromises. I define myself as a nerd. If someone would take that away from me, there's not much left of my identity. My girlfriend would have to be a rare nerd-woman who would not only tolerate but embrace my lifestyle.
Even if there's the odd twist of fate and nice girl would fall in love with me helplessly despite totally different interests couldn't stand living in two seperate worlds besides our bed and breakfast time. That girl would have to live a very lonely life if I coudn't "turn her around".
Jayjay54
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
Germany2296 Posts
October 10 2011 16:51 GMT
#360
On October 11 2011 01:29 shin ken wrote:
Never had a relationship and I'm totally happy with my life (I'm 25).
It all comes down to a) setting priorities and b) do what you want and c) know who you are.

I'm a nerd and I'm ok with that. I'm most comfortable in front of a computer screen. Im not fat or thin. I don't smell. But I spent almost all of my money, time and effort with other things than clubbing/dating/whatever.

Yet I'm quite social but my closest friends are proud nerds like me. That's natural because conversations with "other people" become superficial sooner or later. It's rare, that I find someone not interested in nerd stuff that I can talk all night with. And while that's happening from time to time they're almost always men.

I know some guys who have abandoned quite a large part of their identity just to get a girlfriend. Some I never heard from again, some always tell me how they would like nothing more than to do more gaming etc. but can't because of their girlfriends. And from time to time there's a broken relationship and someone becomes a depressive wreck for a week and two.

I for one don't want to do any compromises. I define myself as a nerd. If someone would take that away from me, there's not much left of my identity. My girlfriend would have to be a rare nerd-woman who would not only tolerate but embrace my lifestyle.
Even if there's the odd twist of fate and nice girl would fall in love with me helplessly despite totally different interests couldn't stand living in two seperate worlds besides our bed and breakfast time. That girl would have to live a very lonely life if I coudn't "turn her around".


I may be wrong here, but this kinda seems like a self-excuse for not putting yourself out of the comfort zone and not trying to date. Relationships are awesome and while you should definitely keep your personality, they are well worth of giving a little of yourself up. You always have to, at least to some degree, but it always pays out...I guess a little less nerd and a little more girlfriend would maybe hurt your integrity and Esports, on the other hand girls have great advantages too
Things are laid back in Unidenland. And may the road ahead be lid with dreams and tomorrows. Which are lid with dreams. Also.
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