Ahh epic nerdiness here, but I have always loved Tom Swifties after first reading about them freshman year of high school (the book was Sleeping Freshman Never Lie by David Lubar.Post your own favorites or make your own, if they're good I'll add them to the OP! Some ridiculous props if you can make it Starcraft related. Regular ones: SC ones: THIS ONE IS SO GOOD DM20: "Three sunkens is enough" Tom droned on.AND IT'S SEQUEL Kau: "I think I can get away with it," Tom expanded.sonuvbob ones: I'll continue to update as long as people keep up the incredible wittiness.
whatUser was warned for this post
"I have a split personality," said Tom, being Mary
"I need a pencil sharpener," said Tom bluntly.
"This concept is pretty queer", Tom said gaily.
Baltimore, USA 22251 Posts
On June 07 2010 08:54 hp.Shell wrote:
FREEAGLELAND 26781 Posts
Oh god I used to read this in the Boy's Life magazines...
On June 07 2010 08:43 craaaaack wrote:
what an incredibly stupid post lol. hahah i like the oranges onem
"I can hardly see you from up here," the owl said loftily.
On June 07 2010 09:18 Reason wrote: "I can hardly see you from up here," the owl said loftily.
Is that one ?
I don't think it is. Time for bed.
"My skin is too dry", Tom cracked.
"But I already glued the vase back together", Tom had replied.
"We had a lovely Christmas tree", Tom opined.
lol entertaining, although I don't get the OP's version of it, Tom said metaphorically? How else could that be interpreted?
"Nothing can kill me!" Tom croaked.
"Too bad I'm not very noteworthy," Tom sang.
We struck oil! George W. Bush gushed.
For the nerds:
"If i win you send 300$, if i lose i send 100$, that's basically what double or nothing means," Tom faythfully stated.+ Show Spoiler +
"Best lay I had in years," Tom said sheepishly.
"There's nothing in my pocket; I am happy to see you," Tom said pointedly
"I've never map hacked in my life," Tom said Testily.
On June 07 2010 10:43 RebirthOfLeGenD wrote:
Belgium 6766 Posts
On June 07 2010 11:08 SonuvBob wrote: "If i win you send 300$, if i lose i send 100$, that's basically what double or nothing means," Tom faythfully stated.
+ Show Spoiler +
"I will raise my entire family on Starcraft," Tom plotted.
On June 07 2010 11:31 oxidized wrote:
"Guys I'm having girl problems" Tom blogged.
On June 07 2010 11:34 SonuvBob wrote: Show nested quote + On June 07 2010 11:31 oxidized wrote:
lol nice
I'd go with "I love wicker baskets" in the last one though, it fits better with the actual meaning.
"I'll try and dig it up for you," Tom said gravely.
"I'm a champion" Yellow choked.
On June 07 2010 09:33 travis wrote:
On June 07 2010 11:37 Caller wrote:
"I'm up next in this bukkake scene," Tom forthcomingly admitted.
"I will induct Alaska into the USA" Tom stated.
Katowice 25012 Posts
"I'll win a starleague soon," Tom fantasized.
On June 07 2010 11:40 SonuvBob wrote: Show nested quote + On June 07 2010 11:37 Caller wrote:
"I don't understand this thread, so I'll just post whatever," Tom thought callously.
"Where is the OSL winner? I can't find him," Tom said effortlessly.
"Sorry, I don't know who you're talking about, Tom whispered lightly.
"I think it's time to sell out," Tom echoed metallically.
"I swear I used to date that girl!" Tom exclaimed
On June 07 2010 11:43 bumatlarge wrote:
"My sex change will go well," Tomasina predicted.
"Flash will win effortlessly," Tom said blindly.
"ZvP? Let's make some mutas!" Tom said with shining smile.
SonuvBob, where are you getting these from....you're putting these out at an incredible pace
On June 07 2010 12:03 SonuvBob wrote:
"Oh no... that fart was in the wrong state of matter," Tom blurted accidentally.
Katowice 25012 Posts
"I will beat Psyonic_Reaver," Tom raged.
"Being raped is really painful" Tom asserted
"I'm out of vespene," Tom gasped.
"Yes, I would like seconds," Tom revealed.
On June 07 2010 12:06 Linx_101 wrote:
"Do you really want chat channels?", Blizzard cooly communicated.
"Fuck! I wish there were something to go on this apple pie!!!" Tom cussed hard
"I think I might be gay," Tom queried
"That prostitute snapped and is trying to knife all of us!" Tom said horrendously.
for the LOTR fans...
On June 07 2010 12:01 SonuvBob wrote: Show nested quote + On June 07 2010 11:43 bumatlarge wrote:
"Incest should be legal," Tom insisted.
"I may not be the best at ZvZ, but at least I can beat kwanro," Tom said calmly.
On June 07 2010 12:06 LTT wrote: Show nested quote + On June 07 2010 12:03 SonuvBob wrote:
"If not, I will make a lovely bride," Tomasina unveiled.
"I am pretty," Tom said freely.
On June 07 2010 12:14 oxidized wrote:
"You see, Protoss is the easiest race to defeat," Tom harangued.
On June 07 2010 12:18 SonuvBob wrote: Show nested quote + On June 07 2010 12:06 LTT wrote: On June 07 2010 12:03 SonuvBob wrote:
"If not, I will make a lovely bride," Tomasina unveiled.
"Tits of GTFO," Tom posted, holding his own in their conversation.
On June 07 2010 12:19 oxidized wrote:
"A thread that produces only one liners," disclosed Tom.
On June 07 2010 12:21 oBlade wrote:
+ Show Spoiler [Recent SPL spoiler] + "You think you are good vs Protoss, but you'll never be able to beat me," Tom replied callously.
"I'm going straight to the pool," Tom said rushing away.
"People may share where you come from, but on this platform id expect you to get your own car, mac," Tom commanded keenly.
"DC comics suck balls," Tom marveled.
"AAHHH, THAT NARWHAL IS GONNA STAB ME!" Tom wailed
"Seaworld wasn't the same without them," Tom sighed purposelessly.
"after my growth spurt none of my clothes fit anymore" said Tom with a groan.
"You slept with who?!" M2 asked his girlfriend doggedly.
"Don't drop the soap," Tom said anally.
On June 07 2010 13:02 SonuvBob wrote:
"Am i doing it right?" asked tom.
On June 07 2010 12:55 SonuvBob wrote:
Rofl, same here. I really need to be doing work though T_T
"Let's eat babies!" Tom proposed swiftly."Nnnn", Tom murmured forensically.
"I know i can beat Bisu" shined Tom.
"That bith is suh a fuking unt," Tom complained ceaselessly.
"I just lost an electron!" Tom stated positively.
On June 07 2010 12:29 oxidized wrote: Show nested quote + On June 07 2010 12:21 oBlade wrote:
+ Show Spoiler [Recent SPL spoiler] + "You think you are good vs Protoss, but you'll never be able to beat me," Tom replied callously.
"Your preparation of this tea was pathetic" Tom chaided
SNSD fans gonna kill me for this one but...
♣ Jaedong. Stork. Bisu. Calm. NaDa. SC2: Sen, MKP, DRG, MMA, Grubby, NonY, Ret, Jinro, TLO, Sheth, HayprO, Zenio,Taeja,Snute, Sea, Rain, MC,Squirtle,Stephano,Parting ,Life, and HEROOOOO <3
On June 07 2010 13:02 SonuvBob wrote:
Some lame attempts:
"There's going to be no LAN and no cross-realm play!" Tom said gaily.
hahaha jeez sonuvbob is a fucking beast and so is oxidized
"My pencil broke," Tom said pointlessly.
"I accept bribes" the teacher remarked
"someone farted," Tom gassed silently
United States 42185 Posts
"I never could fold bullets" Tom called.
"I thought you said you swallow" Tom groaned;
"she wears high heels, I wear sneakers" Taylor said swiftly
On June 07 2010 13:58 RoTaNiMoD wrote:
On June 07 2010 15:54 ViruX wrote:
"Aw man, my printer's out of paper," Tom said emptily.
"The magic potion says do not injest" lamented the harlequin.
"How do you PM on IRC?" Tom queried.
How do you play Luxuriously? says Luxury+ Show Spoiler + I have no idea what the fuck this is about lolz
"Tits or GTFO," Tom posted, holding his own in their conversation.
ryuu_: "Tiffany's cute."
"Wow good thread!" Tom says needlessly
"Three sunkens is enough" Tom droned on.
Oh nvm.. Im bad at reading threads (obviously) and someone had already posted the tasteless one.
"More cheese?" Tom grated.
"i love summer" said OctZerg warmly. + Show Spoiler +
"Oh, I stand down here" Tom now understood.
"Why are half the pieces so useless?" Tom pondered as he read the rules of Chess.
"I support the wheel" Tom spoke.
On June 07 2010 08:43 craaaaack wrote: User was warned for this post
"My forces will be revealed", said Tom baselessly.
"What is a goatse?", extended Tom.
"I don't recall any of this" Tom said arbitrarily.
"I will destroy everyone in 2009" Tom lied, while savoring the glow of his new Rolex
On June 07 2010 21:38 adelarge wrote:
"I'm grounded at Heathrow!", Tom errupted.
"Damn, I dropped the toothpaste," said Tom crestfallenly.
"Pippin!" Tom shouted merrily.
"You need to specify a type for your variables before you use them," Tom declared.
"Well that was a half-assed attempt" Tom said with a mulish grin. (smart-points for those who get it)
"No way! I was the one who invented the double observatory build!" Tom combatively exclaimed.
"I wish I was half fish," Tom murmured. (stretch?)
"Another one bites the dust," sang the parrot perpetually.
"I must hurry", Tom said hastily
"Ted isn't here today," Tom noted.On June 08 2010 00:49 SpiritoftheTunA wrote:
"What is a person, place or thing?" Tom announced.
"Are we having a surprise test?" Tommy said quizzically
"I've been having trouble keeping my balance lately," Tom detailed.
"Where is the best place to proxy-gate on Lost Temple?" Tom probed.
I am the bone lord, said Tom skulkingly?
"I'm in second place? AGAIN?" Tom yelled.
"Terrible terrible damage", said Tom while he dusted off his eyebrows.
Uhm, these go together, yah?err on the side of caution.
'i do wish i had not cut down that old tree' Tom pined
"Tell me more about goblins," Tom implored.+ Show Spoiler + implored = imp lore
"I'm having a field day," Tom raged.+ Show Spoiler + Thinking about it, it isn't exactly the correct form, maybe "You fucking skilles newbie," shouted Tom having a field day would fit better
intrigue
Washington, D.C 9933 Posts
"Baneling breaks are fucking imbalanced!" Tom wailed.
"I am not lying!", Savior said.
"It breaks my heart that one of my favorite terrans will never play in the pro scene again," said Tom, as he washed in the STX Soul practice house.
"please stick it in my ass" tom said gaily
On June 08 2010 02:06 lgd-haze wrote:
"I could beat him with vulture drop into valkyrie goliath" fantasized tom
"Actually CJ entus players are all pretty sharp looking guys" tom said without much effort
"My fantasy starcraft team needs a minimum of 1 terran" tom kept in mind
"What would Lecaf Oz do without you!" tom would blurt at anytime
"I know whats in that shuttle" Tom revered
"All-kills are fascinating," Tom lit up.
Oh, oxidized is such a witty bastard.
+ Show Spoiler + Yeah, last one stolen from SonuvBob's earlier one
"If there's one spell I hate the most, it's beserk," Tom raged.
Spenguin
Australia 3316 Posts
"You just lost the game" Tom said playfully
On June 08 2010 08:28 s.a.y wrote: Show nested quote + On June 08 2010 02:06 lgd-haze wrote:
haha omg :D
"I took 15 grand from that guy" Jaedong said, as he killed another lurkeR.
"I must masturbate a lot," Tom guessed blindly.
Spenguin
Australia 3316 Posts
On June 08 2010 17:45 The Storyteller wrote:
"Beating terran mech was much easier in BW" Tom recalled.
"God, I love drumming!" Tom Tom.
"Four plus four is eight," Tom added.
"I have a very long reach," Tom said manly
Gladly contributing to outstanding thread:+ Show Spoiler + "Wrong, my sister. That kills art, oh sis..." - Tom recalled thoughts about DT's.
+ Show Spoiler + "Every wallet sometimes gets wrecked." - said Tom, introducing wreck rule.
+ Show Spoiler + "Obey your boss, the U.S..." - Tom painted a beacon in our brains.
+ Show Spoiler + "I forgot to turn it into poem!" - Tom froze in disbelief.
+ Show Spoiler + "Sari dodges! Chicken!!" - Tom coined adorably.
+ Show Spoiler + - "Who you're gonna be in the future?" - interviewer Tom asked.
+ Show Spoiler + "I HATE BUNKERRRS!!!" - Tom yelled, being boxed in.
+ Show Spoiler + "Violent... attack is coming..." - Yellow dropped slowly.
+ Show Spoiler + "D level Terrans on Python are joke." - Tom tossed.
"You're right, my horsechestnuts are harder than yours." Tom concurred.
Kau
Canada 3500 Posts
"I'll give those cheaters a taste of their own medicine," Tom hacked.On June 07 2010 08:36 hyst.eric.al wrote: THIS ONE IS SO GOOD DM20: "Three sunkens is enough" Tom droned on.
On June 08 2010 20:59 mcneebs wrote:
On June 09 2010 01:56 Kau wrote:
teamliquid is so clever, my god
Kau
Canada 3500 Posts
"How could I have lost that game? I made queens!" Tom brooded.
"10 hatch isn't safe." Tom denied expanding on it.i ored.On June 07 2010 20:10 DM20 wrote:
Osaka 27131 Posts
"I enjoyed these ba-a-a-a-d puns," Tom said sheepishly.
"It's spraying everywhere!" Tom gushed.colourfully .+ Show Spoiler + "Really?! a 31 kill reaver?!" Tom said,
dazed .
"Hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk," Tom said classically.
"Hyukhyukhyuk, we beat Samsung," Tom ssaid soothingly
"Fuck yeah, we're in Canada," Tom exclaimed after the excruciating long ship ride.
A few bad ones off the top of my head.
"Well I wanted to do bull fighting in Spain but they said the bulls were too constipated that day," Tom said, without bullshitting.
lol those bw ones are funny OMGSC ones:
On June 08 2010 20:59 mcneebs wrote:
"I don't think we have the 'b' mold," Tom said, casting doubt.
Osaka 27131 Posts
Basically since this thread I have been trading swifties with my coworkers via post it note or text. It is becoming a plague. Anyway, these are mine.
"That bowl of Cheerios was delicious," said Tom heartily
Osaka 27131 Posts
"I was raised in Alabama," Tom groaned.
"That's about average," Tom said meanly.
"My neighbor is so hot", Tom peeped
"I found my flashlight!" Tom shone up.
8748 Posts
On June 09 2010 00:55 Eiveki wrote: Gladly contributing to outstanding thread:
+ Show Spoiler + "Wrong, my sister. That kills art, oh sis..." - Tom recalled thoughts about DT's.
+ Show Spoiler + "Every wallet sometimes gets wrecked." - said Tom, introducing wreck rule.
+ Show Spoiler + "Obey your boss, the U.S..." - Tom painted a beacon in our brains.
+ Show Spoiler + "I forgot to turn it into poem!" - Tom froze in disbelief.
+ Show Spoiler + "Sari dodges! Chicken!!" - Tom coined adorably.
+ Show Spoiler + - "Who you're gonna be in the future?" - interviewer Tom asked.
+ Show Spoiler + "I HATE BUNKERRRS!!!" - Tom yelled, being boxed in.
+ Show Spoiler + "Violent... attack is coming..." - Yellow dropped slowly.
+ Show Spoiler + "D level Terrans on Python are joke." - Tom tossed.
"How inspiring!!" Tom mused
On June 08 2010 22:29 alpskomleko wrote:
TomTom .
"He's not gonna win this race", Tom finished slowly.
Germany 2896 Posts
"We will game for the throne of trolls", Tom hotly bids Martin.
On June 14 2010 21:16 MasterOfChaos wrote:
+ Show Spoiler + I know it's bad
"Jaehoon isn`t doing too well in proleague," Tom barely recalled.
"Guess that nuke rush won't work" Tom said, giving up the ghost.
"I'm turning into a dog!" Tom barked.
On June 14 2010 21:32 barth wrote:
Hope I'm not repeating:
"I use the Bourne Again Shell", said Tom bashfully.
"I love fire crotches", said Tom gingerly.
"Is it just me, or are there only two or three funny Tom Swifties in this thread?" irishash asked seriously.
"I hope the Autobots get here soon," Tom said optimustically.
"I'm running every morning near the railway", tom explained his marathon training
"I really hate cheesey all-ins" Idra typed out.
On June 16 2010 02:46 Jerubaal wrote:
On June 08 2010 17:45 The Storyteller wrote:
On June 16 2010 02:46 Jerubaal wrote:
"I wish I had legs" Tom said hopelessly.
"I don't really like my name." Tom said frankly.
"I don't know tdotkrayz's password," said Tom, dotingly.
On June 17 2010 02:23 Slayer91 wrote:
"How is your newborn?" asked Tom laboriously.
"Fix my container, my oil is spilling," R2D2 BeePed.
"You must use punctuation regularly," Tom commanded periodically.
"I am a noob," Tom said professionally.
On June 17 2010 23:41 0x64 wrote: Show nested quote + On June 17 2010 02:23 Slayer91 wrote:
"I really hate cheesey all-ins" Idra owled out?
"Sure, I'll do anything Kane tells me to do.", Tom nodded.
"I'm working on a new album," Tom recorded.
"I need to retard my search, it might be under my nose," Tom stood dumbfoundedly.
"My race is not EZ-mode!" Tom protossted.
"Quiet Anakin, I don't believe in your psuedo-religion", He said forcefully
"My sentence lacks an adverb," said Tom.
Me and my friend were coming up with some:"Lee, this funny alphabetti spaghetti is tragically lacking in one vowel" He interjected morosely
"Once more unto the breach dear friends, once more" He exclaimed....(whilst holding her head down)
Netherlands 6142 Posts
"You should make some Depots," Tom supplied.
"I just have no faith in socialist parties," Tom elaborated.
''I'm done talking to you," Tom replied to Roger.
(Sorry if these are old)
"Yo Taylor! I'm really happy for you and imma let you finish, but Beyonce has one of the best videos of all time! One of the best videos of all time!!!" - Kanye said swiftly.
"The Titanic has hit an iceberg!"
EPT
I don't think it is. Time for bed.
