EPTI edited my first post, asking posted questions to be more specific to my advice can be more situation-specific. I will continue answering questions now. Thank you.
LarJarsE's attraction and relationship tipline - Page 12
| Forum Index > General Forum |
|
LarJarsE
United States1378 Posts
I edited my first post, asking posted questions to be more specific to my advice can be more situation-specific. I will continue answering questions now. Thank you. | ||
|
LarJarsE
United States1378 Posts
On October 19 2009 10:18 arb wrote: ok real question , me and girl have been dating for like 2 weeks, ex bf comes in cock blocks me and she gets back together with him, how to reverse situation? arb: Put up no resistance. If she wants to fling back to her ex, you should just show how little effect it has on her life. You don't really want to fuck around with this kind of situation. It's full of bad and likely outcomes: ex wants to fight you/ she comes back to you, just to go back to him, playing the get fucked back and forth game (I have been here) Don't get emotionally attached to something that is likely to hurt you. | ||
|
LarJarsE
United States1378 Posts
On October 19 2009 14:08 killanator wrote: Hey man i really think im in love wuith this girl. I cant even think about her seuxally, i just think about marrying her someday and living in la, sessioning as a keyboardist, having kids, having our ups and downs, and all. I would lay awake every night for hours thinking about her. and shes in a relationship with another guy. i felt like my soul was TORN out of my body. Anything reminds me of her, and i feel like a piece of dirt. So anyways last thursday, the day after I found out, I was completely out of my mind, ya know? and i called her up and told her that i had fallen in love with her. yes i know, wtf was i doing. but anyways now that im sort of back to my good old state of mind again wtf do i do about this. I saw her last night at a football game with him and i went and puked. I just tonight ate my first "meal" (1 bowl of soup) for 3 days. I cry every night, cant sleep, cant focus in school, cry for 2 hours every day at work. when i called her it was really awkward and then she asked me if she could call me back, reassured me she would, but still hasnt(which reeally just isnt even her...i dont understand) so anyways what do i do? I think im going to(if i see her at school tomorrow) tell her im really sorry and I was out of my mind and stuff. I dont know. Its just really all a big mess right now. killanator: You need to slow down there buddy and try to control your emotions. Understand that emotions are (sadly) just a blend of substances released by your brain and organs in response to what you think about. UNDERSTAND that you can control what you think, and understand that emotions don't neccessarily have to do with reality. It is perfectly normal for a man to feel a bit down when he sees an attractive woman with a man. This is so natural; Men value power and accusition (inluding of women), so if you failed at either, you are going to have a negative feeling. How many women did you see today? Hundreds probably. You have a real life to live, and you definitely already screwed it up with that girl. There are many other women out there to have a connection with, so don't be sad. Get up and move on. Talk to other women. | ||
|
LarJarsE
United States1378 Posts
I have tried to keep things here organized, seperating question from non-question, and it is very hard. If I have not already answered your question, please post it again, because I probably missed it. Likewise, as others have done, you can PM me for advice. Remember to be specific, and keep the questions coming. | ||
|
iloveambiguity
United States81 Posts
| ||
|
Johnny B
United States76 Posts
On October 19 2009 18:37 Johnny B wrote: I just found out a couple of weeks ago that my aunt has been cheating on my uncle with an old boyfriend for nearly a year (Uncle Jay* told me on September 28; Aunt Kathy had told him on August 10). When I talked with Kathy, she said he always put her last in his life--after his brothers, kids, and work--and that she felt like she never measured up. I'm pretty close with my cousins (three boys) who all want their mom to go back to their dad, or at least to quit her relationship with Rob (the old boyfriend) because it's adulterous. Jay, realizing what an inattentive husband he'd been, tried for those seven weeks to win Kathy back with love notes and 36 roses (one for each year they've been married), and doing chores around the house; she says he's just faking, and that after a while he'll just go back to being the same old Jay who gets home from work and takes a nap. Jay filed for divorce after Kathy told him she couldn't commit to him again. There's a mandatory two-month waiting period for divorce, so it won't be final until December 7. In my opinion, Kathy's pretty much making excuses not to go back to her husband because (she thinks) she's in love with Rob, and she feels loved when she's with him. What advice would you give to Jay? To his kids? Is there anything Jay can do to win Kathy back, or should he just prepare for the legal action? I would appreciate responses from several posters--whoever is interested. *names have been changed Reposted as requested. | ||
|
Hacksaw11
Australia359 Posts
im like go then, and hes like cbf.. what to do?! | ||
|
LarJarsE
United States1378 Posts
Johnny B: This is my opinion. I think Jay should accept Kathy's decisions and prepare for the legal action. He is a man with kids, and he simply has other responsibilities more important than dealing with the woman who has done very unreasonable and inconsiderate(to her children) things out of emotion. The legal action is the tricky part in this situation. Does Kathy want to keep the children? How old are they? If Jay is going to live with the children, then they are his biggest priority. I think Jay should talk to the children, and let them know whats going on. Tell them that their mother has made decions that lead to a divorce, and Jay can't change her mind, although he would like to and has tried. Let the children know that Jay is strong and can handle this, for their sake. | ||
|
LarJarsE
United States1378 Posts
On October 20 2009 02:47 Stuyvesant wrote: i think my friend needs a fucking girlfriend, he goes yeah he admits he needs one im like go then, and hes like cbf.. what to do?! As stated in the first post: the more specific you can be about the situation and question, the better quality advice you will recieve. | ||
|
LarJarsE
United States1378 Posts
On October 20 2009 02:32 iloveambiguity wrote: Also, about men falling into the provider role... Women do it too, you ever heard the phrase 'sugar mama'? One of my friends who recently got outrageously obese started hitting on me, and try to lure me in like come have dinner at my place, etc. go figure iloveambiguity: This is true also. A woman can forfill the providor role as she is trying to date a man. I find that this type tends to be much more emotional from past experiences. I just try my best to remain neutral, and show that I am not interested in her as a lover. I am currently going through something like this. | ||
|
Hacksaw11
Australia359 Posts
'Nuff said. | ||
|
LarJarsE
United States1378 Posts
| ||
|
fanatacist
10319 Posts
On October 20 2009 02:24 larjarse wrote: It is very peculiar, how when I first started this thread many people flammed me, but now the same people are trying to give advice of their own. I have tried to keep things here organized, seperating question from non-question, and it is very hard. If I have not already answered your question, please post it again, because I probably missed it. Likewise, as others have done, you can PM me for advice. Remember to be specific, and keep the questions coming. It IS very peculiar!! What could it possibly mean?! | ||
|
fanatacist
10319 Posts
On October 20 2009 02:47 Stuyvesant wrote: i think my friend needs a fucking girlfriend, he goes yeah he admits he needs one im like go then, and hes like cbf.. what to do?! Your friend is a loser. It's not your responsibility to get him laid. Move on to a better social scene to have more success in your life. | ||
|
phosphorylation
United States2935 Posts
| ||
|
Chromyne
Canada561 Posts
On October 19 2009 13:23 HonestTea wrote: Be happy with who you are, but never be satisfied I really, really like this. It pretty much sums what I aspire to in a nice little coherent sentence. | ||
|
fanatacist
10319 Posts
On October 20 2009 04:50 phosphorylation wrote: fanaticist, i surely hope there is no more of your kind in the world; please dont spread your lecherous, narcissistic, egotistic bullshit ...clearly you are not a believer of social contract and altruism (id est things that distinguish humans from animals); but don't fuck it up for the rest of us 1. There are plenty more of my kind. They are the ones that go to parties, drink alcohol, have sex, go home and sleep while you are frustrated asking moral and pathos-based questions about why some girl dumped you. They are the ones that have a clear perspective on what's important in their life while you remain butthurt about some guy saying some thing on some forum. 2. If there is some social contract that requires me to go out of my way and teach some guy the things he should have learned through interaction in middle/high school so he can get a girlfriend, then I am by no means going to subscribe to that. No amount of advice or help from friends will overcome your own inability to socialize with people. 3. Fuck it up for the rest of you? How am I fucking up anything for you? Or are you that guy that can't talk to others? Man up, get your balls to drop, and go get yourself a girlfriend. It's not hard. Stop crying on my shoulder please. | ||
|
GabrielB
Brazil594 Posts
| ||
|
phosphorylation
United States2935 Posts
the point was that i didnt want MORE of you than there is...humanity would be utterly hopeless if everyone were like you and my comment is directed towards your previous posts and your general persona on this forum, not this particular thread...you should have known that of course all i am asking of you is to not spread your bullshit to other people..and not to brandish your escapades and general irresponsibility as if they make you appear "cool" and "bad ass"....at least not on an internet forum about starcraft how much of a ego-whore are you, seriously? way to make 100x assumptions about me...i thought you were at least somewhat clever at times, but your recent posts make me think you are just an immature brat n eww fuck your shoulder | ||
|
fanatacist
10319 Posts
On October 20 2009 05:06 VioLat0R wrote: I know no one can give me any real help, but I don't know who to talk about this, so I will just vent here, more of a blog post really... Anyway, about two years ago I met this amazing girl. Fell in love, but she didn't fell for me. She realized what was going on, I guess she had been down that road as well. She was also thinking about leaving the city for a while. To protect me, she decided to end before I got hurt too badly. Obviously, I got hurt pretty bad. I got very depressed, but this helped me a lot. I made some life changing decisions, dropped my career, made huge changes. She moved to another state in the beginning of the 2008. Still, I never stopped thinking about her. A few weeks ago, we start talking again online. She is a journalist, and she's frustrated with where her career is at. We talked, I tried to help her, give her some advice. I ended up telling her all about how I still love her. She didn't freak out... Two days ago, I met another girl. We watched "Inglorious Bastards" on Saturday, had lunch on Sunday and spent the rest of the day together. She is absolutely great, it was the best weekend I had in a long time. I get home on Sunday night, turn on my computer and there's a message from the first girl, asking me to give her a call, that she has news that I will like. We talk, and turns out she's thinking about leaving it all behind, and coming back here. Not just thinking, planning already. She is really coming. She will come for a few days in December. Fuck. The timing of all of this is ridiculous. I don't know what to do. I want my shot with her so bad. But I might be fooling myself. I think we would be great together, but would we really? And there's this other girl, amazing girl. Do I just put her on hold? That's just fucking wrong. I told the first girl about the second, I can't lie or withhold information, it's just not in me... We are talking about it right now. I could never imagine myself feeling like this. I'm so bad with women, but somehow I managed to meet this two incredible girls... I just got lucky, really. But now what? I'm thinking about coming clear to the second girl. I think she would understand, but I would be really hurting her, I know she liked me too, and she hasn't been with anyone in over a year. I just don't want to hurt her. And I might be hurting her for an illusion of love, losing something real for something that I don't know if it's even there... Why did this have to happen in the same day? I can't believe the timing... Anyway, as I said, I don't think anyone can help me... But if any of you ever been here, I would like to hear what you did and how it turned out. I have been in a somewhat similar situation, so I'll give you honest advice this time around. 1. Being depressed over a girl and loving her for years without any contact with her... That's something you shouldn't do in the future unless it's your wife or something. Seriously, there are other options out there. 2. Her visiting you has no effect on whatever relationship might be blossoming with the girl you went to the movies with. Keep in mind that you haven't seen her or talked to her in a long time - you are almost strangers to each other now and there is no point preparing yourself to invest your soul into her without getting to know her again and weighing your options. Keep ANY feelings you had for her in the past, IN THE PAST. This is NOW, and you have options now. She is no longer the only woman in your life. This will be your source of strength. So, let her visit. If your new girl asks, tell her it's an old friend - which is TRUE. Of course, you can't do anything sexual with her if you're a decent person. 3. Just because she's coming to visit doesn't mean that you can have a healthy relationship with her. She will probably still live away from you for a while even if you are both interested. Don't shoot yourself in the foot by breaking ties with your current girl just because of some 2 year old pipedream relationship that may or not may not happen. Right now, the girl closest to you physically is your #1 priority. 4. If down the line you do make the decision to choose the girl who is visiting over the girl you are with now, that's what you will have to do - just move on. You can't have a relationship without mutual feelings, and if you have feelings for another (and you are SURE that they are REAL, this time), then that's all you can say and yea it might come off negatively but it's the truth and that's life. Just don't do anything stupid or overly emotional and everything will be fine. | ||
| ||
