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They're my friends but not in the way that for instance my girlfriend was. I don't open myself to them, don't tell them about my deepest feelings etc. I just chat with them about everything, laugh with them etc. They're not what I need.
Og tusen takk for posten Eriador.. det var sjukt smart sagt, alt sammen, og det gir meg litt mer tvil om jeg skal drepe meg selv eller ikke - om det er en god ting vet jeg ennå ikke. For nå lar jeg litt tid gå, snakker med en psykolog eller hva, og ser om det bedrer seg. Meningsløsheten er dog fortsatt ganske overveldende.
And Overmind, I can't look at this pain and think "I'll grow on it, I'll grow on it." It just hurts too much, everytime I think about it I cry, everytime I actually consider my life I cry(go ahead and call me a pussy, I can't help but cry). As for looking at nature and enjoying sunrise etc, it was something I could do before with my girlfriend. She held my life up, sort of, and I could enjoy it despite my lack of importance - as long as she was there. Now she isn't, I mean nothing, and sunrises make me sadder than anything else.
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You can find your solutions in world of warcraft, Please Join me and many millions of no life lossers in the endless advanture of world of warcraft, there are endless guild dramas to keep you off your depression, you would be so suck into the game that You no longer have a real life. How do you kill someone has no life? you can't man, see wow is your perfect solution to all your problems.
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For those saying 'everyone breaks up get over it', you need to realise this isn't some random girl.
I think in some ways eth is similar to me- really wants to feel needed and wanted by others- but didn't believe anyone would really love him. So when someone really does, its the best thing in the world- makes life seem full of hope- like maybe this fucked up world actually isn't all bad- that there's something good and pure in it.
Thats what happened to me + I had a lot of INSANE stuff going on which virtually proved to me that it was down to some sort of divine being. Being told by the girl that she considered me to be her soul mate also really added to this (obviously I felt the same).
Then the last 2 months- with no logic, no explanation- a terrrible slow agonizing break up. As if all feelings for me had just gone. Its not over yet, there's still hope- but I think I'm feeling virtually the same pain-I've nearly given up on her coming back 
And I'll agree its the worst pain in my life- the higher you climb and so on..
But after a while you come through that pain. For me, I've done that by going back to my former loves- music and gaming, as well as throwing myself into new physical pursuits.
The pain seems like it won't end...but it really does...and you have so much you can do at age 19 man  pick anything, throw yourself at it- and you can become the best in the world at it, or one of them. Oh and go to uni! its fucking brilliant, I'm loving it.
Good luck- and I really know how you feel.
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On March 26 2007 11:43 Tal wrote:
For those saying 'everyone breaks up get over it', you need to realise this isn't some random girl.
I think in some ways eth is similar to me- really wants to feel needed and wanted by others- but didn't believe anyone would really love him. So when someone really does, its the best thing in the world- makes life seem full of hope- like maybe this fucked up world actually isn't all bad- that there's something good and pure in it.
You got me. This is EXACTLY how I feel/felt. As for doing as you do, picking up old hobbies and interests, it doesn't cut it. I don't have any joy left in life after this, at least not right now, I don't know if it will change as many of you say it will.
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hey ethenielle, if you're an atheist aren't you even a tiny bit scared of dyin?
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what do you expect of us to do about it?
If there is anything I can do for you, I'd be the last person to deny you, but there is no way I could help you in your current situation.
Get professional help and follow the advice you received in the thread so far. You can get over that.
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On March 26 2007 11:49 NotAnotherPSISTORM wrote:
hey ethenielle, if you're an atheist aren't you even a tiny bit scared of dyin?
No. I assume you're thinking I like life, which I don't. It's all been such a huge way down. I see only relief in death, relief from all the pain. What and if something comes after doesn't bother me, be it hell or elysium. What I want when I am thinking about suicide is relief from this world, and then whatever comes after will have to come. I guess that was what you thought about?
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This is the first time some one didn't post about me --...thank god...Ok Ethenielle you big panooch 8D I've been there with this whole suicidal stuff, I've tried it actually at least twice first time was with a car accident that didn't work out as i planned -____-;;; second time i sent a 8in blade into my ribs i was passed out after like 15mins of bleeding? O_o my mom found me on the floor...and then comes ambulance saying if she didnt walk into the room 15mins earlier i would of died -___-;;; so yea both attempts sucked balls third attempt hopefully wont be anytime soon, because everything is going great once in my life :D!!! so im just saying don't suicide theres always something at the end of the road for you  .....But yea dont kill yourself listen to this...this is fromt he TL.net's emo person --
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well if you're an atheist, NOTHING comes afterwards right? i don't mean death is scary because you don't get the joys of life anymore, because you're at this point where you think life is joyless. i meant if the idea of the cessation of existence scares you at all.
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Yeah, it hurts. No one ever said it wouldn't. And crying isn't for pussies...sometimes things are just so overwhelming we can't help it.
Being with your girlfriend was wonderful, wasn't it? You loved her, she loved you, and you could enjoy living. But love isn't a guarantee...things happen, and relationships fall apart. But that doesn't mean that there isn't anyone left to love you. If you are longing for a person to fill that void, you need to be strong enough to move on and pick yourself up. And trust me, you will never find a person to love if you don't LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!
Is who you are who you want to be? Is it the person inside of you? Are you comfortable with yourself? Hopefully, you can say yes to one of these. Please, stop beating yourself up. Every person has importance, every person has someone who can love them, and every person NEEDS to be loved. You aren't alone in that feeling. Humans need it; we thrive on it and live for it, longing for that person who will make us smile and help us out when times are low.
So why end your life now? That person is still out there. Your future is still there. Your experiences, troubles, pains, joys, successes, failures...your LIFE...is still there. There is so much to live for! And while it may seem hopeless, like none of it matters anymore...you have to really try hard, and I mean from the bottom of your soul, to get over this and realize how amazing that thrill ride called 'life' is. Please, talk to your parents, now. Especially if you are thinking these thoughts and you are afraid that you can't get out. Go talk to a counselor. And then, try your hardest to shrug your sorrows off. Thinking about the past, how miserable thngs are, how you broke up with your girlfriend...won't help. Leave the past, and SECURE your future...don't destroy it.
Everytime I see you argue someone on this thread as to why you are in so much pain and how the world is meaningless, I hope it is that one part inside of you that feels like suicide isn't right...and is trying to justify it to make it seem right. Don't let it be right. You know it isn't. You know life is better than that. Pick yourself up. If you can't, go talk to someone who can help you. Because if you give up, then you can't go back. Don't give up on yourself - and please do give yourself more credit as a person. That's a step you have to take if you want to get over this.
Trust me, years from now, you'll see how much life is worth it. 19 years old, right? Your life is still ahead of you. Run toward it, not away from it...
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Well if you have no hobbies that bring you joy, or nothing else to fall back on like that (this is difficult to imagine for me as throughout my life I have been obsessed with different hobbies- mainly games and last 5 years= music), then you have so much to explore. Try getting into a load of random stuff, whatever seems interesting. Even if nothing does, keep trying.
Are you interested in any academic subject? Because uni is just so so brilliant- just the experience of having flat/hall mates is gold alone.
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On March 26 2007 11:55 -WGT-Stars- wrote:This is the first time some one didn't post about me --...thank god...Ok Ethenielle you big panooch 8D I've been there with this whole suicidal stuff, I've tried it actually at least twice first time was with a car accident that didn't work out as i planned -____-;;; second time i sent a 8in blade into my ribs i was passed out after like 15mins of bleeding? O_o my mom found me on the floor...and then comes ambulance saying if she didnt walk into the room 15mins earlier i would of died -___-;;; so yea both attempts sucked balls third attempt hopefully wont be anytime soon, because everything is going great once in my life :D!!! so im just saying don't suicide theres always something at the end of the road for you .....But yea dont kill yourself listen to this...this is fromt he TL.net's emo person --
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=manly_suicide
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Well, if ur so depressed maybe u should consider smoking crack? It will take all your problems away.
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On March 26 2007 11:56 NotAnotherPSISTORM wrote:
well if you're an atheist, NOTHING comes afterwards right? i don't mean death is scary because you don't get the joys of life anymore, because you're at this point where you think life is joyless. i meant if the idea of the cessation of existence scares you at all.
yeah, well. I guess I'm agnostic(I'm not so good at these terms.) - I don't believe or disbelieve anything. There could be a God, and there couldn't. The cessation of existence doesn't scare me no, because existence in itself is, at the moment, just pain. Maybe I'm cynical(though I don't think I really am) but whether there is a paradise, hell or nothing isn't what I think about. I'll see when I get there, whether it's in a week, five years or fifty. My own death isn't something that bothers me in the slightest because I feel utterly and completely worthless. Other people dying however, scares me - and seeing them again in an eventual afterlife would make me happy. I don't know if that was a good answer, but at the moment I don't have a clear thought about anything.
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On March 26 2007 12:01 PissedOffEmo wrote:Show nested quote +On March 26 2007 11:55 -WGT-Stars- wrote:This is the first time some one didn't post about me --...thank god...Ok Ethenielle you big panooch 8D I've been there with this whole suicidal stuff, I've tried it actually at least twice first time was with a car accident that didn't work out as i planned -____-;;; second time i sent a 8in blade into my ribs i was passed out after like 15mins of bleeding? O_o my mom found me on the floor...and then comes ambulance saying if she didnt walk into the room 15mins earlier i would of died -___-;;; so yea both attempts sucked balls third attempt hopefully wont be anytime soon, because everything is going great once in my life :D!!! so im just saying don't suicide theres always something at the end of the road for you .....But yea dont kill yourself listen to this...this is fromt he TL.net's emo person -- http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=manly_suicide
I didn't choke myself ;D and I read those before lol pretty funny but none of them are true...
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do what you gotta do. take a trip, relax from your emotional breakdown. feel yourself again.
its ok even if you have no friends. after all, how many real friends do one person have in his life time? perhaps one if he/she is lucky.
we just conform to the society that we blindly serve, no longer the other way around. take a break. When I had nobody that i talk to, or no gf, I didnt feel down at all, just felt content and in peace.
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On the way back home from school today, I forced a wounded pigeon onto the center of the road some dumbass middle aged blond just ran right over it. A kid next to me is like "WHOA MAN THATS FUCKED UP" I didn't say anything and I just moved along. I stared at it, and I'm like, fuck I didn't have do that why did I just do that. And I begin to reflect on a recent fight I had with my brother. I told him how much I fucking hated him. How much pain I went through after our parents left us, and how shitty he acted in front of me. And I wonder, if I push someone too far, will it kill them?
I think I'm curiously sadistic, but hey, I had a similar issue in elementary school, but I realized how bitchy those type of women are and not worth getting into.
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On March 26 2007 11:55 -WGT-Stars- wrote:This is the first time some one didn't post about me --...thank god...Ok Ethenielle you big panooch 8D I've been there with this whole suicidal stuff, I've tried it actually at least twice first time was with a car accident that didn't work out as i planned -____-;;; second time i sent a 8in blade into my ribs i was passed out after like 15mins of bleeding? O_o my mom found me on the floor...and then comes ambulance saying if she didnt walk into the room 15mins earlier i would of died -___-;;; so yea both attempts sucked balls third attempt hopefully wont be anytime soon, because everything is going great once in my life :D!!! so im just saying don't suicide theres always something at the end of the road for you .....But yea dont kill yourself listen to this...this is fromt he TL.net's emo person --
haha the car accident that "didnt work out as i planned" hahah that sounds funny
sorrry if its offensive but it cracked me up!~
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I was going to say something on the point of Tal.
ethenielle, reconsider your claim. You are not only saying that life is NOT GOOD, you are saying life will NEVER BE good. thats a pretty bold statement, and to make a claim about the whole of life when you're just 19 is pretty presumptuous. i mean, even if every day of your life up until now has been crappy (which it probably hasn't been), you'd still be making a conclusion about 90 years of life from your experience with 19. Thats like saying "terran sucks i'll never play terran again because i played the first two missions and all they have are marines and firebats" (obligatory starcraft reference). You never even touched tier 2 and you're making this sweeping generalization.
I just turned 20 a few days ago, and on my birthday i always like to do this thing where i reflect on who i am this year versus who i was last year (cheesy, i know). to tell you the truth i kind of felt that this one year difference had a huge gap in maturity and stuff. Tal is right, college is awesome, and not only is college good, you grow as a person exponentially each year. If you cut yourself off now thats a lot of wasted talent or whatever that will never, ever, EVER be developed. and that really sucks.
in the words of one of my favorite books A million little pieces (which i PLEASE PLEASE BEFORE YOU KILL YOURSELF suggest you read...not only is it a shame to have gone through life without having read this book but there's a part where the main character considers suicide...maybe you could relate) "Life is hard, kid, you gotta be harder"
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EPT![[image loading]](http://img251.imageshack.us/img251/5582/tlcopyvj0sl5.jpg)
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