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I'm really sorry to hear about your problems. It's good that you're trying to talk about it, even if it's with people you don't know in person.
Obviously, you're incredibly depressed, and you should see someone. The problem is getting you motivated enough to actually take the necessary steps to get help.
What's the right thing to do in your situation? Get some help. I don't know what your situation is as far as with school or work, but ask someone you know for help. Even if it's a teacher you like, or someone you work with that you think you could trust. Ask.
Is it selfish to kill yourself? Well, let me put it this way: the decision you want to make for yourself not only affects you. In an instant you'll be gone forever, but for the rest of their lives your parents and the people you don't know that care about you will always wonder.
Will your parents ever get over it? Absolutely not. Your parents will be devastated, and "devastated" is an understatement.
Is suicide moral? Sure, if you want it to be. Everyone's idea of morality. I firmly believe that you have the right to do whatever you want with your body. It's your body, and it's your life.
So, what should you do? You should go to your parents right now, hug them, tell them you love them, and tell them you need help. They'll ask why. Tell them. Call a suicide hotline and just talk to someone. They aren't going to trace the call, or send police to your house or something. They're there to talk with you. Who knows? Maybe you'll have a pleasant conversation with someone. You won't know until you at least try.
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Cayman Islands24199 Posts
On March 26 2007 09:56 Ethenielle wrote:Show nested quote +On March 26 2007 09:52 bsmd wrote:
Dont give up, i dont care if i get flamed by this but go 1 time to a christian church and read the bible,
it helps a lot , it will change your whole life TRUST ME. I will try to read a little in the bible, even though I am an atheist. Thanks  I have a few friends. But I'm very socially inept and have huge problems making new friends, as I explained in my original post. Show nested quote +On March 26 2007 09:48 oneofthem wrote:
dude, are you serious. if so, sit down, meditate a abit about your existence, and i think you would recognize some pride or arrogance in your own importance to not care about these petty things. I've been thinking about my existence for a long, long while now. And I don't feel important at all. Not one bit. And that's what's killing me. Show nested quote +On March 26 2007 09:50 MYM.Testie wrote:
Surely you can get a job and improve the look of your face. Even ugly people get hired.
Surely you can exercise and improve your body if that is also a problem.
Healthy habits help your life big time. I'm "fine" at the moment. I'm no longer so ugly as I once was. My body is relatively fit, I have a visible six-pack and I don't see the need to make my arms huge or anything like it. I just don't think that's the way to go. well then i would really suggest hehe getting a bit of a religious metaphysics which helps to give some 'purpose' to things. but the effectiveness depends on your background in these things.
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On March 26 2007 09:58 Dustin wrote:Show nested quote +On March 26 2007 09:38 Ethenielle wrote:
Let me start off by saying I'm feeling horrible. Absolutely, completely crushed beyond all recognition. Pick the worst moment of your life and amplify it a thousand times, there you got me. My "soul" is irreversibly smashed.
All life I've been a pretty ugly guy. When I was a kid in elementary(is this the first school you go to? I'm guessing, English isn't my native language) people used to ask me "so, are you a girl or a boy?" and stuff like that. I was pushed around and generally not liked by anyone in particular. So I got to High School(I'm guessing, again) and I got acne. Didn't make it any better, as people now ran around shouting at me and calling me ugly all the time. I was constantly harrassed 24/7, even on the internet I wasn't left alone.
Now I'm not so ugly anymore, and I've had a girlfriend for half a year or so. But, as it turns out, now she suddenly doesn't have any feelings for me anymore, so she broke up. And now, I'm completely alone again, with no real friends to speak of. No one's calling me to ask me out, no one wants to do anything with me. That's essentially why I now am considering and actually planning suicide, because I'm such a worthless piece of shit that no one likes. When I die, only my parents will mourn, my friends may shed a few tears and forget me in a couple of months. So as it turns out, I don't mean anything to anyone EXCEPT my parents, which is my current problem.
I'm feeling so bad I could kill myself without regret within the second if offered the opportunity. But, my parents. My mother thinks very highly of me and loves me a LOT. Really a lot. She's called the police couple of times before when she didn't know where I was for a couple of hours. And she may kill herself if I commit suicide, I don't really know. My father may protect her and keep her alive until the worst sorrow has gone, but I fear she may turn mad or something like that. Blame it all on herself. I really, really, really do not want to do this to my parents, but on the other hand I'm feeling so fucking terrible now I'm barely sleeping and not eating.
I'm thinking of committing suicide tomorrow morning, throw myself before a train. I think that's fairly painless and quick, which is what I want. But there is the problem with my parents, because I cannot do either. I can't stay alive because it hurts so much for me, but I can't kill myself because it hurts so much for them. So now I end up asking advice on teamliquid because I don't have anywhere else to go. I can't really tell anyone I know in real life, because they'd probably lock me up and tell me I'm mentally ill(well, that's true, but I'm not mad or anything, just insanely insanely low).
What should I do? What's the RIGHT thing? Is it very selfish to kill myself when I feel this pain all day and all night? Do you think my parents will get over it? Can my suicide be morally defended? I honestly don't know. I'm hoping for a few opinions and answers, whatever you can give. Also, feel free to joke away and flame me, at this point it really doesn't bother me at all. As long as you have your fun, it's all fine by me. I've been there before. So many things happened in such a little amount of time it was almost impossible to bear with it all. My parents died, my GF broke up with me, I lost my well paying job and struggled playing for rent/utilities/food for a long time(all within a year...yea) . Often I would go several days without eating. The crappy apartment which i was forced to move into because it was cheap was broken into several times further dwindling my few possessions. I almost killed myself several times. But now ,years past, I'm glad I didn't take the cowards way out because I pulled my life back together. Sooner or later everyone does. Keep your chin up, you're not alone as you as think.
I don't have it as bad as you had, I think. I'm very impressed that you managed to live through it.. requires a damn strong man to do. But my problem is more of self-sense if you can say that in English, I'm just feeling so useless. Nobody really cares about me. No one. And it's killing me..
On March 26 2007 09:56 oneofthem wrote:
have a more distant view of life, do not be caught up in the petty details of everyday operations. have some goal that is for yourself and yourself alone, like say understanding this math equation or whatever philosophy, or just say, i want to understand my existence. then you'll have something to look beyond your present troubles.
as for others, we are your friends. (or just conjure up an imaginary friend or something lol)
Problem is, it's not petty details. It's my very existence I'm questioning here, I don't feel important. I don't feel loved. I don't feel liked. I really really enjoyed life when I had my girlfriend, but when she broke up, it destroyed my life over again. As for finding things to take my mind off this, it doesn't help. Well, some FPS's help me a little, but I constantly begin crying whatever it is I do. My concentration is gone.
And Newbsaibot, as for hanging out with people like me, not an option. I've been playing WoW for what is it, two years, and have a lot of "friends" online, but they cannot ever replace real love from a girlfriend for instance, or a best friend you can talk with everything about.
Tien, thanks a bunch for your offer, I may take up on it in a few days if I still live. Right now I'm too unstable to have a proper conversation since my voice just suddenly breaks down and I start crying. I can type, though
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you had a girlfriend for over a year how the fuck can you say that nobody wants you
ive been alone for almost 20 years and depressed for a huge part of adolescence
but i realized how weak i was and it frustrated me and made me realize how i wanted to become stronger and happy and started working at it. im a lazy guy so im working at it slowly but at least im not just giving up like you are
if you really couldnt tolerate it anymore i think you would already be dead and wouldnt post here
but im taking your post very seriously and I believe you could do it but just don't
im sure there is light somewhere in your life, a passion something to make you feel better and more optimistic, if there ain't.. try to find one.
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I'm "fine" at the moment. I'm no longer so ugly as I once was. My body is relatively fit, I have a visible six-pack and I don't see the need to make my arms huge or anything like it. I just don't think that's the way to go.
It matters less what shape you are currently in than what changes your body is going through. Working out, sweating, changing your body makes life worth living.
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JUST GO SUPER SAIYAN
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SSJ4 ACHIEVED
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I think you should tell your parents about how you are feeling. It may feel unnatural to talk to your parents about something like this. You don't have to get too deep into it. As long as you utter the words "I want to kill myself" in a way which they will understand that you are serious, they will help you get some good counselling and whatever else you might need.
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you're only 19? OMFG
Kid, all i can tell you is life gets better from here on...
This is sort of like when ur in high school and u think u can never get any girl or u have no friends or ur diff than anyone, and you try soo hard to fit in and ur life becomes a mess and you think ur life will never get any better, then u goto college where ur bound to find ppl who get you, understand you and accept you and what not, and even in college, life can suck sometimes, but then after college, life gets even more better cuz u've found urself in college, u don't worry about pretending to be something or someone, and instead of tryin so hard to fit in, you just lead your life the way you want and everything is better. Trust me on that.
Hopefully ur not serious about this whole suicide thing
I give you about maybe 5-7 years from now, when your older and have discovered yourself, ur gonna look back and think, damn, i wanted to kill myself cuz i had no friends in that stupid ass town? or that i thought i was ugly, what the hell was wrong with me...
being 26 and in my estimation, more mature than you, i swear if i knew you in real life, i swear i'd come punch you in the face just for the reasons u've giving on wanting to commit suicide.
SNAP the fuck out of it...theres nothing wrong with ur life, if u have no friends in your town, look at your town as ass shitty place then, keep going to school if ur not already and concentrate on doing well in school so you can move the fuck out of that town.
kids these days...
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Russian Federation4447 Posts
You will take up my offer.
Because I'll beat the living shit out of that little demon inside you.
That demon is causing you:
depression
destruction of self-esteem
feeling of worthlessness
emotional breakdown
blablabla
The demon is conquerable. Dustin conquered it, I conquered it, and you will conquer it.
You will only conquer it if you want to.
Once you make the decision to go ahead, hold your head high, and decide to fight back against all the negative things in your life, good things will come.
People will help you if you want them to help.
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the most important thing here is that the second you came forward, dozens of people responded to try to help and console you. your life may seem to be a in a rut, but no matter what, you're not alone.
and all the people who say "be a man", it's not that easy you jackasses -_-
that's like going into the ghetto and saying don't be poor
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9933 Posts
there are things worth living for, but it's fucking hard to see right now. living in itself is a form of hope - camus remarked famously 'there is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide.' yes, why bother living when life sucks?
take the leap of faith and stick with us. your parents care dearly for you, and that is more than many people can say. you have friends, you've had a girlfriend, you've spent time on earth. to know happiness once is to know it always, and you will only find regret if you act upon this.
when i watched people who had attempted suicide in the back of the ambulance, it was easy to tell apart those who meant it and those who didn't. something along the lines of 90% of suicide survivors relate that their last thought before unconsciousness was an overwhelming desperate hope to live, and you can see that right away in the daze and helpless relief in a survivor.
look at you, you're nineteen, in the prime of your life about to kill yourself over a girl. what about education, movies, getting married, having kids? if you're really going to kill yourself, you would have done it instead of posting to hide behind the excuse of your mother. family is the most important thing in the world and if you can't find it in yourself to care about people that have spent every moment in their lives to culminate in this one moment of heartbreak, you are truly thankless and don't deserve to die.
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Russian Federation1401 Posts
Your life does not belong only to you, but also to those around you.
Most of the things I wanted to say have been said already, so I can only tell you that suicide is something very selfish.
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Norway28649 Posts
you're a smart guy
something will come around
finish highschool, start university in a different city. then make right every decision you feel you have made wrong. come to trondheim or whatever, no matter how socially inept you are you'll find someone with similar interests as yourself because we have student groups who engage in every thinkable activity.
you need to move though, and then you need to make an effort. staying in the same environment will only be harmful, but through moving and starting university in a different city you can literally get a fresh start. assuming you don't live in trondheim, trondheim is a great place to start over. =P
and if you do live in trondheim then pm me!
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On March 26 2007 09:56 Ethenielle wrote:I have a few friends. But I'm very socially inept and have huge problems making new friends, as I explained in my original post.
theres your problem. you dont need more friends, you need quality friends. nothing beats having a few tight real friends. having 50 people who hang aroudn you occasionally but arent real friends does nothing for you.
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On March 26 2007 09:47 Ethenielle wrote:
I understand what you're saying, honestly. But being a man is beyond me at this point, I've been it so many times already. Getting through the first 6 years of school or what it was, hard enough. Let me also say I wasn't just ugly, I was not cool and not well loved. Sure, some people CAN be, but I couldn't. I'm not ready to do anything, I don't wish to improve myself. Not because there isn't anything to improve but I don't see the point. I don't want to live.
And lonely? I am. Maybe I'm not a man, maybe I'm a girl. You probably would have been too, if every single person you met turned you down. Imagine meeting a new person and the first thing you get is a cold stare and not a single word. That's what's happened to me every time I've tried being a man the way you mean it. Thanks for your advice, but I can't apply it to me. Living is simply too hard.
Edit: I'm 19 years old. Too early to quit, I know. No need to tell me:p
What you're feeling - it isn't your fault. It's depression. Life's been crappy to you, eh. A little more than crappy? It truly doesn't seem like it! Imagine sitting in a basement, too bogged down by depressed and anxious feelings. Imagine doing that for years and years, too unconsciously afraid to talk to a counselor, therapist - talk to a girl? Laughable.
You dont have this. You may have an onset of depression. You can talk to a doctor or a psychiatrist. They can get you help. You want to talk to people. That's so important! Having ambition and goals, even if they're low, is so important. From being in a spot where I was so cut off from the world and was too debilitated to ask for help, I can understand how you're feeling.
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a 40 year who's an alcoholic or has a gambling problem, who just got divorced and can't ever see his kids again, who happens to be knee deep in debt from credit cards, various banks, we'll even throw in the MOB, doesn't have a home of their own, from night to night doesn't know where he's gonna sleep or where their next meal is gonna come from, no job, family won't talk to them anymore cuz he picked gambling or alcohol or whatever over them...i can keep going on and on, but my point is, even such a person shouldn't think about committing suicide, let alone some 19 y/o who thinks they are ugly and have no friends..
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4492 Posts
Dude, your life was given to you by your parents, you have no right to just cut it, got that? It's their propertaay...
Otherwise, stop being a pussy about it, so many people on these forums never even had a girlfriend. And age 19? You're just a kid ffs, you didn't even yet have the time to experience anything properly, you have no clue what you can do later on.
WTF?
PS.: See above post. 19 yr old, WTF!? I just hope this is no emo prank on us to get some attention...
-Mynock
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Not to be mean but if you're looking for a reason to live you should seek professional help, the answers you seek will not come from an internet forum. If you're afraid they'll throw you in a padded cell... don't. Seek out a psychologist if you have no one close to talk to.
It sounds like this is the first time you have experienced heartbreak, many of us have been there and it sucks. It will pass with time, trust me. You do not feel 1000x worse than anyone else's worst moment. Your heartbreak is honestly minimal compared to a married person who was just cheated on, or a wife who had her husband and children killed in a car crash, or parents who have lost a child. Put your problems in perspective and change your way of thinking.
But advice on this forum will not be strong enough to help you. Do yourself and others a favor and seek REAL-LIFE professional help. Life can get better. If you were happy with a girlfriend you will find a new one.
Or you can kill yourself and become a suicide statistic and prove to everyone that you didn't have the heart to pull though. Unless you're an orphan in a 3rd world country who is anally raped by a guy with aids everyday and can't find food to eat, then don't kill yourself.
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
Ethenielle what has happened to you so far throughout your life fucking blows.
Everyone is dumb as fuck as a kid. I was too (maybe I still am). Not only were you dumb as fuck, but you had a loser personality, or atleast you were too shy because of the way people treated you. Also as you claim you were ugly as hell with acne and stuff. You were lonely all through your younger years and your only friends were your parents. Talk about winning the wrong mother fucking lottery.
All those facts combined and then BAM you get a little bit older, come out of your shell, and get your first girlfriend that you loved. This must have felt so damn good. You must have been so high on life...feeling better than ever before. It's like you skyrocketted out of giant hole with a jetpack and there is no end in sight. Then boom the engines fail and now you're falling back to the earth and picking up speed.
Guess what you stupid fuck...people in "love" fall out of "love" all the time. It's completely natural and human nature. You're unlucky to have been a complete geek in highschool but you could have just paid attention and atleast watched the 'cool kids' and their relationships. Wtf man? I know it must hurt like hell but time heals it and life goes on. Everyone knows that. You claim to have no friends right now. Wtf? Go make some? Go to college? Get a job? No one is enough of a loser to not have friends...unless you're doing horrible malicious things to people.
You act like you have no control over what has happened to you and your life right now. The fact is you never did have control as a kid. I was very very very similar to you in highschool. But you're 19 now...this is the time when you're ripe and ready to take over for yourself and live life. It doesn't matter what the fuck you do. Just do something. Not suicide by the way.
If you commit suicide you are truly pathetic. You may think you are pathetic for thinking about suicide but thats not true...theres still plenty of life left for you, you have no fucking clue. You haven't done it yet so until you actually off yourself, you are not pathetic. Stop being a brick head and think about the future instead of thinking about one silly bitch that dumped you. You still have your parents that love you. Is that not enough? If it's not give yourself time.....I think you greatly underestimate what is yet to come.
If your parents die tomorrow in a car crash then yeah go ahead and hang yourself, but for now, shut the fuck up.
Edit: and if you do don't jump infront of a fucking train. Atleast do it in a way where they can salvage your organs for other people who need em.
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Russian Federation4447 Posts
On March 26 2007 10:11 yubee wrote:
the most important thing here is that the second you came forward, dozens of people responded to try to help and console you. your life may seem to be a in a rut, but no matter what, you're not alone.
and all the people who say "be a man", it's not that easy you jackasses -_-
that's like going into the ghetto and saying don't be poor
Yubee is correct.
There is 6 billion people on this planet.
A handful of them is bound to enjoy your company and become friends with you.
There is no shame whatsoever in looking for new friends. It's human nature.
Teamliquid is a small community that sent up dozens of replies in minutes to try and help.
You're not alone.
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EPT
