Let me start off by saying I'm feeling horrible. Absolutely, completely crushed beyond all recognition. Pick the worst moment of your life and amplify it a thousand times, there you got me. My "soul" is irreversibly smashed.
All life I've been a pretty ugly guy. When I was a kid in elementary(is this the first school you go to? I'm guessing, English isn't my native language) people used to ask me "so, are you a girl or a boy?" and stuff like that. I was pushed around and generally not liked by anyone in particular. So I got to High School(I'm guessing, again) and I got acne. Didn't make it any better, as people now ran around shouting at me and calling me ugly all the time. I was constantly harrassed 24/7, even on the internet I wasn't left alone.
Now I'm not so ugly anymore, and I've had a girlfriend for half a year or so. But, as it turns out, now she suddenly doesn't have any feelings for me anymore, so she broke up. And now, I'm completely alone again, with no real friends to speak of. No one's calling me to ask me out, no one wants to do anything with me. That's essentially why I now am considering and actually planning suicide, because I'm such a worthless piece of shit that no one likes. When I die, only my parents will mourn, my friends may shed a few tears and forget me in a couple of months. So as it turns out, I don't mean anything to anyone EXCEPT my parents, which is my current problem.
I'm feeling so bad I could kill myself without regret within the second if offered the opportunity. But, my parents. My mother thinks very highly of me and loves me a LOT. Really a lot. She's called the police couple of times before when she didn't know where I was for a couple of hours. And she may kill herself if I commit suicide, I don't really know. My father may protect her and keep her alive until the worst sorrow has gone, but I fear she may turn mad or something like that. Blame it all on herself. I really, really, really do not want to do this to my parents, but on the other hand I'm feeling so fucking terrible now I'm barely sleeping and not eating.
I'm thinking of committing suicide tomorrow morning, throw myself before a train. I think that's fairly painless and quick, which is what I want. But there is the problem with my parents, because I cannot do either. I can't stay alive because it hurts so much for me, but I can't kill myself because it hurts so much for them. So now I end up asking advice on teamliquid because I don't have anywhere else to go. I can't really tell anyone I know in real life, because they'd probably lock me up and tell me I'm mentally ill(well, that's true, but I'm not mad or anything, just insanely insanely low).
What should I do? What's the RIGHT thing? Is it very selfish to kill myself when I feel this pain all day and all night? Do you think my parents will get over it? Can my suicide be morally defended? I honestly don't know. I'm hoping for a few opinions and answers, whatever you can give. Also, feel free to joke away and flame me, at this point it really doesn't bother me at all. As long as you have your fun, it's all fine by me.
Even ugly men can be cool and well loved. Look at all the fat ugly actors in the world. They have it twice as bad. Ugly and fat!
The RIGHT thing. Be a man. If it's too hard, off yourself. Get motivated and do something.
Don't worry about women or your ex for now. Don't even think about em. Keep yourself busy and active doing other things. Build hope for your future.
The difference between a failure and success is how you look at things and let them shape your life. Take this as an opportunity, eat better, exercise, get healthy. Get some money, work on any scars on your face through dermobrasian or whatever it's called. Get a job. Live with shit for another year, fix what you hate and move on.
Lonely? Don't use that word. Men aren't supposed to be lonely. They are supposed to be men. Stop being such a girl.
The feeling of depression isn't something that is easily conquered. Especially when you get so down on yourself...and the thoughts of suicide shouldn't make you feel embarassed, but should certainly warrant additional consideration.
Depression...the extreme feeling of sadness and worthlessness that you described...is a beast. It destroys your life. Once you start thinking your life is terrible, it is hard to stop. The pain hurts...and sometimes it feels like the only way out of the pain is to end it by stopping the life that is recieving it.
People care for you, realize that. Your parents love you...you are their child. They raised you, cared for you, loved you...and make sure you realize taht you are SOMETHING to them. You are their world. Talk to them, please. They are the ones who can help you realize that your life is special to them. That, in itself, is enough make some people feel a bit better inside.
But the intense love of parents sometime's can't overcome that feeling of yours. Please, before you make a decision, talk to a counselor or your parents. Depression CANNOT be overcome alone...and I certainly don't think suicide is an answer. I was once depressed, but I got through it. .You just have to endure...and learn to love the person you are. Sure, people may bash you and call you names and put you down, but do those people really matter to you? Hell, you can't be that bad of a person if someone who doesn't even know you and has only been on these forums for a few days doesn't want you to end your life.
Just please take my advice and get some help...talk to your parents and to a counselor, it really helps, I PROMISE! Depression isn't eternal, but ending your life is. Life is so beautiful to live...so enjoy living it. Screw the people who put you down. They don't matter. The ones you love matter. Try to learn to love yourself, and things get so much better.
I understand what you're saying, honestly. But being a man is beyond me at this point, I've been it so many times already. Getting through the first 6 years of school or what it was, hard enough. Let me also say I wasn't just ugly, I was not cool and not well loved. Sure, some people CAN be, but I couldn't. I'm not ready to do anything, I don't wish to improve myself. Not because there isn't anything to improve but I don't see the point. I don't want to live.
And lonely? I am. Maybe I'm not a man, maybe I'm a girl. You probably would have been too, if every single person you met turned you down. Imagine meeting a new person and the first thing you get is a cold stare and not a single word. That's what's happened to me every time I've tried being a man the way you mean it. Thanks for your advice, but I can't apply it to me. Living is simply too hard.
Edit: I'm 19 years old. Too early to quit, I know. No need to tell me:p
dude, are you serious. if so, sit down, meditate a abit about your existence, and i think you would recognize some pride or arrogance in your own importance to not care about these petty things.
Surely you can get a job and improve the look of your face. Even ugly people get hired. Surely you can exercise and improve your body if that is also a problem.
Dont give up, i dont care if i get flamed by this but go 1 time to a christian church and read the bible, it helps a lot , it will change your whole life TRUST ME.
Thanks a lot for your reply Overmind.. I actually promised my father to talk to a counselor before I ended my life. I'll keep that promise, even if I believe it won't help. I have talked a lot with my parents too, but they don't know me well enough to understand my problem. I haven't told anyone how I've had it at school all these years, I've kept it all inside myself and smiled every day. My mother keeps telling me "I'm strong enough to get through this" but truth to tell, I don't think I am.
Loving myself sort of seems like an option, but the only thing I really desire is love from someone else, which I cannot ever seem to get. And it burns so hard inside me to know that I'm NOTHING. Just a piece of paper to everyone else.
Look, you talk about how everyone treats you like shit (despite the fact that you do have some friends, more than others can say) yet here you are, and nobody is treating you like shit. Sure we are potentially thousands of miles away and exist only online, but the point is not everyone in the world is going to treat you like shit, just Norwegians perhaps. What you need to do is find a place where you are excepted for who you are, rather than trying to change yourself to fit others desires. For instance, a lot of us are gamers being on a gaming related website, and if we treat you well then maybe your crowd is other gamers in your area, try hanging out with them. Cross-dressers, women, the homeless, whoever your crowd is, it's out there.
And even if nobody ever treats your nice in your entire life, things will get better. Learn to live on your own, there are many things you can enjoy in life besides whatever it is that is bringing you down.
have a more distant view of life, do not be caught up in the petty details of everyday operations. have some goal that is for yourself and yourself alone, like say understanding this math equation or whatever philosophy, or just say, i want to understand my existence. then you'll have something to look beyond your present troubles.
as for others, we are your friends. (or just conjure up an imaginary friend or something lol)
On March 26 2007 09:52 bsmd wrote: Dont give up, i dont care if i get flamed by this but go 1 time to a christian church and read the bible, it helps a lot , it will change your whole life TRUST ME.
I will try to read a little in the bible, even though I am an atheist. Thanks
On March 26 2007 09:51 SuperJongMan wrote: Go make a friend you wierdo.
I have a few friends. But I'm very socially inept and have huge problems making new friends, as I explained in my original post.
On March 26 2007 09:48 oneofthem wrote: dude, are you serious. if so, sit down, meditate a abit about your existence, and i think you would recognize some pride or arrogance in your own importance to not care about these petty things.
I've been thinking about my existence for a long, long while now. And I don't feel important at all. Not one bit. And that's what's killing me.
On March 26 2007 09:50 MYM.Testie wrote: Surely you can get a job and improve the look of your face. Even ugly people get hired. Surely you can exercise and improve your body if that is also a problem.
Healthy habits help your life big time.
I'm "fine" at the moment. I'm no longer so ugly as I once was. My body is relatively fit, I have a visible six-pack and I don't see the need to make my arms huge or anything like it. I just don't think that's the way to go.
Fuck you, I've never had a girlfriend, I've not gotten laid yet, I'm probably older than you, and I have no more than 1 friend aside from guys I only know from the internet.
On March 26 2007 09:38 Ethenielle wrote: Let me start off by saying I'm feeling horrible. Absolutely, completely crushed beyond all recognition. Pick the worst moment of your life and amplify it a thousand times, there you got me. My "soul" is irreversibly smashed.
All life I've been a pretty ugly guy. When I was a kid in elementary(is this the first school you go to? I'm guessing, English isn't my native language) people used to ask me "so, are you a girl or a boy?" and stuff like that. I was pushed around and generally not liked by anyone in particular. So I got to High School(I'm guessing, again) and I got acne. Didn't make it any better, as people now ran around shouting at me and calling me ugly all the time. I was constantly harrassed 24/7, even on the internet I wasn't left alone.
Now I'm not so ugly anymore, and I've had a girlfriend for half a year or so. But, as it turns out, now she suddenly doesn't have any feelings for me anymore, so she broke up. And now, I'm completely alone again, with no real friends to speak of. No one's calling me to ask me out, no one wants to do anything with me. That's essentially why I now am considering and actually planning suicide, because I'm such a worthless piece of shit that no one likes. When I die, only my parents will mourn, my friends may shed a few tears and forget me in a couple of months. So as it turns out, I don't mean anything to anyone EXCEPT my parents, which is my current problem.
I'm feeling so bad I could kill myself without regret within the second if offered the opportunity. But, my parents. My mother thinks very highly of me and loves me a LOT. Really a lot. She's called the police couple of times before when she didn't know where I was for a couple of hours. And she may kill herself if I commit suicide, I don't really know. My father may protect her and keep her alive until the worst sorrow has gone, but I fear she may turn mad or something like that. Blame it all on herself. I really, really, really do not want to do this to my parents, but on the other hand I'm feeling so fucking terrible now I'm barely sleeping and not eating.
I'm thinking of committing suicide tomorrow morning, throw myself before a train. I think that's fairly painless and quick, which is what I want. But there is the problem with my parents, because I cannot do either. I can't stay alive because it hurts so much for me, but I can't kill myself because it hurts so much for them. So now I end up asking advice on teamliquid because I don't have anywhere else to go. I can't really tell anyone I know in real life, because they'd probably lock me up and tell me I'm mentally ill(well, that's true, but I'm not mad or anything, just insanely insanely low).
What should I do? What's the RIGHT thing? Is it very selfish to kill myself when I feel this pain all day and all night? Do you think my parents will get over it? Can my suicide be morally defended? I honestly don't know. I'm hoping for a few opinions and answers, whatever you can give. Also, feel free to joke away and flame me, at this point it really doesn't bother me at all. As long as you have your fun, it's all fine by me.
I've been there before. So many things happened in such a little amount of time it was almost impossible to bear with it all. My parents died, my GF broke up with me, I lost my well paying job and struggled playing for rent/utilities/food for a long time(all within a year...yea) . Often I would go several days without eating. The crappy apartment which i was forced to move into because it was cheap was broken into several times further dwindling my few possessions. I almost killed myself several times. But now ,years past, I'm glad I didn't take the cowards way out because I pulled my life back together. Sooner or later everyone does. Keep your chin up, you're not alone as you as think.
Hey man. That's not good to hear my friendly neighbourhood Priest. Here speaks someone who has had similar problems. I've had anti-depression pills and talked to a councillor for a while. Low selfesteem and what-not.
It will get better, but it is you that must work for it and find a method that helps yourself. Try to change what you can change and set goals for yourself. Work towards these goals, sometimes very slowly; find out what makes you happy and do it.
You cannot worry about women till you fix yourself. Take your time for this also. I worked for a while and even took a full year off to recover and structurally work on myself: my self esteem, my social skills, my social network, my looks, confidence...
Life is a gift. There are hard times, but you will come out of it strong and with a clear mind filled with goals you wish to achieve. You've got a lot to work for to become the person you want to be. It's your challange, don't take the easy way out, that would be ridiculously selfish and unnecessary from what I read.
Right now I am happy as I can be, and trust me I came from FAR. I am living life, I am making my dreams come true and helping as many people in the meantime. Education is on track, social life is on track, self esteem and self image is fine. It's a process that a lot of teamliquidians had to go through.
Maybe you can somewhat relate to me, fellow Stormscale wow-addict.
On March 26 2007 09:57 Cpt Obvious wrote: Fuck you, I've never had a girlfriend, I've not gotten laid yet, I'm probably older than you, and I have no more than 1 friend aside from guys I only know from the internet.
STOP BEING A FUCKING PUSSY AND MOVE ON!
No offence, but this might be the reason why this is so? This post is completely unnecessary, you're not the only person on this planet with problems. Some respect man, you're better than this.
On March 26 2007 09:47 Ethenielle wrote: Edit: I'm 19 years old. Too early to quit, I know. No need to tell me:p
I was mostly asking to see what your options were. So basically, you probably just got out of high school. That's pretty much the most suitable time imagineable to turn your life around if you're not happy with it.
Either you'll pursue higher education, or you'll get a job. Either way, you'll be meeting new people. The thing you always need to remember about new people is this: they don't know a thing about you. You could be anybody. You could be the most outgoing guy they've ever seen. I know it's easier said than done, but that's an excellent opportunity to stop reinforcing the poor image you have of yourself and just present one you like - you will see that people have a more positive attitude towards you when you look self-confident.
What I'm actually getting at is this: life might be shitty now, hell, it might've always been shitty, but that's no reason for it to be shitty in the future. I know it sounds corny and terribly cliche, but you can turn your own life around and make it a life worth living. It would be pretty dumb to kill yourself if good times are to be had in the future!
I'm really sorry to hear about your problems. It's good that you're trying to talk about it, even if it's with people you don't know in person.
Obviously, you're incredibly depressed, and you should see someone. The problem is getting you motivated enough to actually take the necessary steps to get help.
What's the right thing to do in your situation? Get some help. I don't know what your situation is as far as with school or work, but ask someone you know for help. Even if it's a teacher you like, or someone you work with that you think you could trust. Ask.
Is it selfish to kill yourself? Well, let me put it this way: the decision you want to make for yourself not only affects you. In an instant you'll be gone forever, but for the rest of their lives your parents and the people you don't know that care about you will always wonder.
Will your parents ever get over it? Absolutely not. Your parents will be devastated, and "devastated" is an understatement.
Is suicide moral? Sure, if you want it to be. Everyone's idea of morality. I firmly believe that you have the right to do whatever you want with your body. It's your body, and it's your life.
So, what should you do? You should go to your parents right now, hug them, tell them you love them, and tell them you need help. They'll ask why. Tell them. Call a suicide hotline and just talk to someone. They aren't going to trace the call, or send police to your house or something. They're there to talk with you. Who knows? Maybe you'll have a pleasant conversation with someone. You won't know until you at least try.
On March 26 2007 09:52 bsmd wrote: Dont give up, i dont care if i get flamed by this but go 1 time to a christian church and read the bible, it helps a lot , it will change your whole life TRUST ME.
I will try to read a little in the bible, even though I am an atheist. Thanks
On March 26 2007 09:48 oneofthem wrote: dude, are you serious. if so, sit down, meditate a abit about your existence, and i think you would recognize some pride or arrogance in your own importance to not care about these petty things.
I've been thinking about my existence for a long, long while now. And I don't feel important at all. Not one bit. And that's what's killing me.
On March 26 2007 09:50 MYM.Testie wrote: Surely you can get a job and improve the look of your face. Even ugly people get hired. Surely you can exercise and improve your body if that is also a problem.
Healthy habits help your life big time.
I'm "fine" at the moment. I'm no longer so ugly as I once was. My body is relatively fit, I have a visible six-pack and I don't see the need to make my arms huge or anything like it. I just don't think that's the way to go.
well then i would really suggest hehe getting a bit of a religious metaphysics which helps to give some 'purpose' to things. but the effectiveness depends on your background in these things.
On March 26 2007 09:38 Ethenielle wrote: Let me start off by saying I'm feeling horrible. Absolutely, completely crushed beyond all recognition. Pick the worst moment of your life and amplify it a thousand times, there you got me. My "soul" is irreversibly smashed.
All life I've been a pretty ugly guy. When I was a kid in elementary(is this the first school you go to? I'm guessing, English isn't my native language) people used to ask me "so, are you a girl or a boy?" and stuff like that. I was pushed around and generally not liked by anyone in particular. So I got to High School(I'm guessing, again) and I got acne. Didn't make it any better, as people now ran around shouting at me and calling me ugly all the time. I was constantly harrassed 24/7, even on the internet I wasn't left alone.
Now I'm not so ugly anymore, and I've had a girlfriend for half a year or so. But, as it turns out, now she suddenly doesn't have any feelings for me anymore, so she broke up. And now, I'm completely alone again, with no real friends to speak of. No one's calling me to ask me out, no one wants to do anything with me. That's essentially why I now am considering and actually planning suicide, because I'm such a worthless piece of shit that no one likes. When I die, only my parents will mourn, my friends may shed a few tears and forget me in a couple of months. So as it turns out, I don't mean anything to anyone EXCEPT my parents, which is my current problem.
I'm feeling so bad I could kill myself without regret within the second if offered the opportunity. But, my parents. My mother thinks very highly of me and loves me a LOT. Really a lot. She's called the police couple of times before when she didn't know where I was for a couple of hours. And she may kill herself if I commit suicide, I don't really know. My father may protect her and keep her alive until the worst sorrow has gone, but I fear she may turn mad or something like that. Blame it all on herself. I really, really, really do not want to do this to my parents, but on the other hand I'm feeling so fucking terrible now I'm barely sleeping and not eating.
I'm thinking of committing suicide tomorrow morning, throw myself before a train. I think that's fairly painless and quick, which is what I want. But there is the problem with my parents, because I cannot do either. I can't stay alive because it hurts so much for me, but I can't kill myself because it hurts so much for them. So now I end up asking advice on teamliquid because I don't have anywhere else to go. I can't really tell anyone I know in real life, because they'd probably lock me up and tell me I'm mentally ill(well, that's true, but I'm not mad or anything, just insanely insanely low).
What should I do? What's the RIGHT thing? Is it very selfish to kill myself when I feel this pain all day and all night? Do you think my parents will get over it? Can my suicide be morally defended? I honestly don't know. I'm hoping for a few opinions and answers, whatever you can give. Also, feel free to joke away and flame me, at this point it really doesn't bother me at all. As long as you have your fun, it's all fine by me.
I've been there before. So many things happened in such a little amount of time it was almost impossible to bear with it all. My parents died, my GF broke up with me, I lost my well paying job and struggled playing for rent/utilities/food for a long time(all within a year...yea) . Often I would go several days without eating. The crappy apartment which i was forced to move into because it was cheap was broken into several times further dwindling my few possessions. I almost killed myself several times. But now ,years past, I'm glad I didn't take the cowards way out because I pulled my life back together. Sooner or later everyone does. Keep your chin up, you're not alone as you as think.
I don't have it as bad as you had, I think. I'm very impressed that you managed to live through it.. requires a damn strong man to do. But my problem is more of self-sense if you can say that in English, I'm just feeling so useless. Nobody really cares about me. No one. And it's killing me..
On March 26 2007 09:56 oneofthem wrote: have a more distant view of life, do not be caught up in the petty details of everyday operations. have some goal that is for yourself and yourself alone, like say understanding this math equation or whatever philosophy, or just say, i want to understand my existence. then you'll have something to look beyond your present troubles.
as for others, we are your friends. (or just conjure up an imaginary friend or something lol)
Problem is, it's not petty details. It's my very existence I'm questioning here, I don't feel important. I don't feel loved. I don't feel liked. I really really enjoyed life when I had my girlfriend, but when she broke up, it destroyed my life over again. As for finding things to take my mind off this, it doesn't help. Well, some FPS's help me a little, but I constantly begin crying whatever it is I do. My concentration is gone.
And Newbsaibot, as for hanging out with people like me, not an option. I've been playing WoW for what is it, two years, and have a lot of "friends" online, but they cannot ever replace real love from a girlfriend for instance, or a best friend you can talk with everything about.
Tien, thanks a bunch for your offer, I may take up on it in a few days if I still live. Right now I'm too unstable to have a proper conversation since my voice just suddenly breaks down and I start crying. I can type, though
you had a girlfriend for over a year how the fuck can you say that nobody wants you ive been alone for almost 20 years and depressed for a huge part of adolescence but i realized how weak i was and it frustrated me and made me realize how i wanted to become stronger and happy and started working at it. im a lazy guy so im working at it slowly but at least im not just giving up like you are if you really couldnt tolerate it anymore i think you would already be dead and wouldnt post here but im taking your post very seriously and I believe you could do it but just don't im sure there is light somewhere in your life, a passion something to make you feel better and more optimistic, if there ain't.. try to find one.
I'm "fine" at the moment. I'm no longer so ugly as I once was. My body is relatively fit, I have a visible six-pack and I don't see the need to make my arms huge or anything like it. I just don't think that's the way to go.
It matters less what shape you are currently in than what changes your body is going through. Working out, sweating, changing your body makes life worth living.
I think you should tell your parents about how you are feeling. It may feel unnatural to talk to your parents about something like this. You don't have to get too deep into it. As long as you utter the words "I want to kill myself" in a way which they will understand that you are serious, they will help you get some good counselling and whatever else you might need.
Kid, all i can tell you is life gets better from here on...
This is sort of like when ur in high school and u think u can never get any girl or u have no friends or ur diff than anyone, and you try soo hard to fit in and ur life becomes a mess and you think ur life will never get any better, then u goto college where ur bound to find ppl who get you, understand you and accept you and what not, and even in college, life can suck sometimes, but then after college, life gets even more better cuz u've found urself in college, u don't worry about pretending to be something or someone, and instead of tryin so hard to fit in, you just lead your life the way you want and everything is better. Trust me on that.
Hopefully ur not serious about this whole suicide thing
I give you about maybe 5-7 years from now, when your older and have discovered yourself, ur gonna look back and think, damn, i wanted to kill myself cuz i had no friends in that stupid ass town? or that i thought i was ugly, what the hell was wrong with me...
being 26 and in my estimation, more mature than you, i swear if i knew you in real life, i swear i'd come punch you in the face just for the reasons u've giving on wanting to commit suicide.
SNAP the fuck out of it...theres nothing wrong with ur life, if u have no friends in your town, look at your town as ass shitty place then, keep going to school if ur not already and concentrate on doing well in school so you can move the fuck out of that town.
Because I'll beat the living shit out of that little demon inside you.
That demon is causing you:
depression destruction of self-esteem feeling of worthlessness emotional breakdown blablabla
The demon is conquerable. Dustin conquered it, I conquered it, and you will conquer it.
You will only conquer it if you want to.
Once you make the decision to go ahead, hold your head high, and decide to fight back against all the negative things in your life, good things will come.
the most important thing here is that the second you came forward, dozens of people responded to try to help and console you. your life may seem to be a in a rut, but no matter what, you're not alone.
and all the people who say "be a man", it's not that easy you jackasses -_-
that's like going into the ghetto and saying don't be poor
there are things worth living for, but it's fucking hard to see right now. living in itself is a form of hope - camus remarked famously 'there is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide.' yes, why bother living when life sucks?
take the leap of faith and stick with us. your parents care dearly for you, and that is more than many people can say. you have friends, you've had a girlfriend, you've spent time on earth. to know happiness once is to know it always, and you will only find regret if you act upon this.
when i watched people who had attempted suicide in the back of the ambulance, it was easy to tell apart those who meant it and those who didn't. something along the lines of 90% of suicide survivors relate that their last thought before unconsciousness was an overwhelming desperate hope to live, and you can see that right away in the daze and helpless relief in a survivor.
look at you, you're nineteen, in the prime of your life about to kill yourself over a girl. what about education, movies, getting married, having kids? if you're really going to kill yourself, you would have done it instead of posting to hide behind the excuse of your mother. family is the most important thing in the world and if you can't find it in yourself to care about people that have spent every moment in their lives to culminate in this one moment of heartbreak, you are truly thankless and don't deserve to die.
you're a smart guy something will come around finish highschool, start university in a different city. then make right every decision you feel you have made wrong. come to trondheim or whatever, no matter how socially inept you are you'll find someone with similar interests as yourself because we have student groups who engage in every thinkable activity.
you need to move though, and then you need to make an effort. staying in the same environment will only be harmful, but through moving and starting university in a different city you can literally get a fresh start. assuming you don't live in trondheim, trondheim is a great place to start over. =P
On March 26 2007 09:51 SuperJongMan wrote: Go make a friend you wierdo.
I have a few friends. But I'm very socially inept and have huge problems making new friends, as I explained in my original post.
theres your problem. you dont need more friends, you need quality friends. nothing beats having a few tight real friends. having 50 people who hang aroudn you occasionally but arent real friends does nothing for you.
On March 26 2007 09:47 Ethenielle wrote: I understand what you're saying, honestly. But being a man is beyond me at this point, I've been it so many times already. Getting through the first 6 years of school or what it was, hard enough. Let me also say I wasn't just ugly, I was not cool and not well loved. Sure, some people CAN be, but I couldn't. I'm not ready to do anything, I don't wish to improve myself. Not because there isn't anything to improve but I don't see the point. I don't want to live.
And lonely? I am. Maybe I'm not a man, maybe I'm a girl. You probably would have been too, if every single person you met turned you down. Imagine meeting a new person and the first thing you get is a cold stare and not a single word. That's what's happened to me every time I've tried being a man the way you mean it. Thanks for your advice, but I can't apply it to me. Living is simply too hard.
Edit: I'm 19 years old. Too early to quit, I know. No need to tell me:p
What you're feeling - it isn't your fault. It's depression. Life's been crappy to you, eh. A little more than crappy? It truly doesn't seem like it! Imagine sitting in a basement, too bogged down by depressed and anxious feelings. Imagine doing that for years and years, too unconsciously afraid to talk to a counselor, therapist - talk to a girl? Laughable.
You dont have this. You may have an onset of depression. You can talk to a doctor or a psychiatrist. They can get you help. You want to talk to people. That's so important! Having ambition and goals, even if they're low, is so important. From being in a spot where I was so cut off from the world and was too debilitated to ask for help, I can understand how you're feeling.
a 40 year who's an alcoholic or has a gambling problem, who just got divorced and can't ever see his kids again, who happens to be knee deep in debt from credit cards, various banks, we'll even throw in the MOB, doesn't have a home of their own, from night to night doesn't know where he's gonna sleep or where their next meal is gonna come from, no job, family won't talk to them anymore cuz he picked gambling or alcohol or whatever over them...i can keep going on and on, but my point is, even such a person shouldn't think about committing suicide, let alone some 19 y/o who thinks they are ugly and have no friends..
Dude, your life was given to you by your parents, you have no right to just cut it, got that? It's their propertaay...
Otherwise, stop being a pussy about it, so many people on these forums never even had a girlfriend. And age 19? You're just a kid ffs, you didn't even yet have the time to experience anything properly, you have no clue what you can do later on.
WTF?
PS.: See above post. 19 yr old, WTF!? I just hope this is no emo prank on us to get some attention...
Not to be mean but if you're looking for a reason to live you should seek professional help, the answers you seek will not come from an internet forum. If you're afraid they'll throw you in a padded cell... don't. Seek out a psychologist if you have no one close to talk to.
It sounds like this is the first time you have experienced heartbreak, many of us have been there and it sucks. It will pass with time, trust me. You do not feel 1000x worse than anyone else's worst moment. Your heartbreak is honestly minimal compared to a married person who was just cheated on, or a wife who had her husband and children killed in a car crash, or parents who have lost a child. Put your problems in perspective and change your way of thinking.
But advice on this forum will not be strong enough to help you. Do yourself and others a favor and seek REAL-LIFE professional help. Life can get better. If you were happy with a girlfriend you will find a new one.
Or you can kill yourself and become a suicide statistic and prove to everyone that you didn't have the heart to pull though. Unless you're an orphan in a 3rd world country who is anally raped by a guy with aids everyday and can't find food to eat, then don't kill yourself.
Ethenielle what has happened to you so far throughout your life fucking blows.
Everyone is dumb as fuck as a kid. I was too (maybe I still am). Not only were you dumb as fuck, but you had a loser personality, or atleast you were too shy because of the way people treated you. Also as you claim you were ugly as hell with acne and stuff. You were lonely all through your younger years and your only friends were your parents. Talk about winning the wrong mother fucking lottery.
All those facts combined and then BAM you get a little bit older, come out of your shell, and get your first girlfriend that you loved. This must have felt so damn good. You must have been so high on life...feeling better than ever before. It's like you skyrocketted out of giant hole with a jetpack and there is no end in sight. Then boom the engines fail and now you're falling back to the earth and picking up speed.
Guess what you stupid fuck...people in "love" fall out of "love" all the time. It's completely natural and human nature. You're unlucky to have been a complete geek in highschool but you could have just paid attention and atleast watched the 'cool kids' and their relationships. Wtf man? I know it must hurt like hell but time heals it and life goes on. Everyone knows that. You claim to have no friends right now. Wtf? Go make some? Go to college? Get a job? No one is enough of a loser to not have friends...unless you're doing horrible malicious things to people.
You act like you have no control over what has happened to you and your life right now. The fact is you never did have control as a kid. I was very very very similar to you in highschool. But you're 19 now...this is the time when you're ripe and ready to take over for yourself and live life. It doesn't matter what the fuck you do. Just do something. Not suicide by the way.
If you commit suicide you are truly pathetic. You may think you are pathetic for thinking about suicide but thats not true...theres still plenty of life left for you, you have no fucking clue. You haven't done it yet so until you actually off yourself, you are not pathetic. Stop being a brick head and think about the future instead of thinking about one silly bitch that dumped you. You still have your parents that love you. Is that not enough? If it's not give yourself time.....I think you greatly underestimate what is yet to come.
If your parents die tomorrow in a car crash then yeah go ahead and hang yourself, but for now, shut the fuck up.
Edit: and if you do don't jump infront of a fucking train. Atleast do it in a way where they can salvage your organs for other people who need em.
On March 26 2007 10:11 yubee wrote: the most important thing here is that the second you came forward, dozens of people responded to try to help and console you. your life may seem to be a in a rut, but no matter what, you're not alone.
and all the people who say "be a man", it's not that easy you jackasses -_-
that's like going into the ghetto and saying don't be poor
Yubee is correct.
There is 6 billion people on this planet.
A handful of them is bound to enjoy your company and become friends with you.
There is no shame whatsoever in looking for new friends. It's human nature.
Teamliquid is a small community that sent up dozens of replies in minutes to try and help.
Well in your post you said you werent ugly anymore, so i dont see what the problem is. If its friends you're looking for then maybe you should get a job somewhere. Or if you play sports then go out to the gym meet some new people work out or something. Just remember that killing yourself is not the answer, not only will your parents be sad but other people that knew who you were will probably think you're a dumbass for killing yourself over your ex (they will assume that im sure) so instead of have them think that way you should prove to them that your somebody not just a quitter. Also when you say u want to be liked, are you taking steps to try and achieve that? or do you just walk out in public expecting people to like you? theres stuff u gotta do to stand out in someways.
Killing yourself is a coward's way out. Both you and I know you are better than that. Wouldn't it be better to beat the odds and conquer adversity than just throw in the towel and quit?
You have a few friends, try and rebuild those connections. You had a girlfriend for a year, which means that you have what it takes to meet people. You're in a slump right now that will improve. When you've hit rock bottom the only way to go is up, am I not correct?
If you're chronically depressed, go seek professional help. That's why those people exist. Suicide is just the weak way out. There's a lot to live for and once you discover that again you'll realize how foolish your mindset is now.
Listen to good old Eri , i guess one of the most crazy norwegians in the north , I live in other end of the wet norway, close to Stavanger. If you wanna talk more PM and i give you my MSN
Hey Bey, thanks for the post. I know a lot of people here have been down and I understand that for you the way out was just setting goals and then getting up to them. I don't know if I can do that, at least not yet. My girlfriend was pretty much everything to me, and that she left me in this mess has rendered me completely immobile. I'm not even going to school anymore.
I know it's selfish to kill myself, but I also don't know if it's actually the right thing to do. I'm having it so bad now it's hard to imagine. I don't know how to put words on it. Saying I'm seriously considering killing myself tomorrow morning should suffice, I guess. It's the easy way out, but right now the pain is nigh unbearable. I've tried hurting myself(not slitting my wrists, I'm not emo!) to make the physical pain override my mental pain but it doesn't work much. I've tried everything to get my thoughts away, but nothing helps, and I don't know WHAT to do. Getting a job, meeting new people, it's not the thing I can do. I mean I know it worked for a lot of you, but not me. All I really need is to feel important for someone who's not my parents.
And vGI-CoW, I've tried turning my life around several times. Half a year back with my girlfriend who I hadn't met before, and both tiers of schools where no one in class knew me. It didn't work any of those times, people have always and always turned me down. And no, I'm not sure I'm strong enough to try once again.
Edit: I'm trying to reply as fast as I can, thanks a LOT for your replies.. I haven't really found a solution to my situation yet but it actually helps reading your posts.. thanks again.
Beyonder, my point was exactly what you told ME. There are situations worse than his.
Ethenielle, to make it clear: Nothing justifies to willingly end your life. All I tried to say was that I'm not thinking about killing myself no matter how hard life appears to be. I try to look at the bright side of things and make the best out of it. So why should you do it?
So you think you are ugly? Guess what, I have acne too. If people judge you by your looks, they're not worth your attention, period.
So you are lonely/sad, because your girlfriend dumped you? Guess what, you're not the first one ever to get dumped. You're gonna find another girlfriend sooner or later. Enjoy your freedom.
So you think life sucks in general because you have no friends or no perspective for your future? Well, whose fault is that? Get off your lazy ass and do something about it. Go to college, get a job, whatever. It's not like you are some central african disabled, illiterate child who was a child soldier. Embrace what luck you had and still have. Thank God for giving you loving parents.
I was not meaning to offend you in any way, and I truly feel you, for I myself have considered suicide a couple of times myself. There were occasions where the thought of my mother crying at my grave were about the only thing keeping me from doing it.
Deal with it. It's going to get better soon. Just don't do it. Seriously.
trying to minimalize his problems because other people have had worse is not going to help him. a little bit of rationalization won't help depression, for some people it is unbelievably hard to fix, many people can't do it without professional help and medication.
some people have hard lives and deal with it just fine. some people have hard lives and it weighs down on them. the most important thing is that he makes it out of the depression, not that he learns how relatively easy his life is
Also, if you commit suicide, they'll track your internet footprints. They'll come to this website and this post. TeamLiquid will be on the news as a suicidal website and will get such a large influx of visitors that the site will implode on itself. Think about TeamLiquid man... if nothing else... TeamLiquid.
You're obviously not worthless. You're worth a lot to your parents, and you can definitely be worth a lot to others as well. You've shown that you have a lot to offer already with your posts. You've shown courage by opening up to others, something that many people cannot do. You've shown love and caring by worrying for your parents' wellbeing. How can you say you are nothing when you are worth so much?
You have shown that you are already better than many other people in this world. Hopefully, you can realize how important you are before deciding what to do with your life.
In no way am i condoning suicide, but if you truly want to die a train would just be gruesome... I would love to die and have a body worth showing for a last good bye to family members and friends.
Oh yea you also asked if you could justify suicide. Well I guess you could view life as ultimately random and meaningless, with no purpose or end besides self-defined ones. In this light you could view your death as meaningless and inconsequential, as the pain or loss caused by it would ultimately be without meaning or be highly transitory as best.
Or maybe the Christians are right and you'll go to hell.
On March 26 2007 10:23 Slithe wrote: You're obviously not worthless. You're worth a lot to your parents, and you can definitely be worth a lot to others as well. You've shown that you have a lot to offer already with your posts. You've shown courage by opening up to others, something that many people cannot do. You've shown love and caring by worrying for your parents' wellbeing. How can you say you are nothing when you are worth so much?
You have shown that you are already better than many other people in this world. Hopefully, you can realize how important you are before deciding what to do with your life.
This post intrigues me for some reason. Statistically this "cry-for-help" is actually just for attention or to make himself feel better, but there is a chance he is serious and some people actually do go through with suicides after asking others about it. Most people who are serious don't talk about it though. I guess you need to treat every situation as dire though.
Just a quick reply before I read more, some of you misunderstand my problem.
My problem isn't material so to speak, it's more in my mind. I can live in a paper bag, I can eat shitty food all day, I can have one set of clothes, it doesn't matter at all! What matters to me is love. I've been picked on and stepped on my whole damn life and the only ones who truly care about me are my parents, and their love isn't something I have made, it's just natural. They can't help but love me. I want to be a person that SOMEBODY loves, but no one does. No one truly loves me(and I believed my girlfriend did - when she broke up she sort of triggered this whole thing). That's essentially my pain.
And I don't want any attention. I'm not writing this because I'm emo, it's because I have no where else to go and I have this question, and I know there are very many intelligent people on this forum. I've been keeping my pain inside me for many, many years, but right now it's just breaking through, and I'm undecided whether I can take it anymore or not.
Edit: and it's amazing so many replied so fast, it sort of makes me feel better even though I don't know any of you in real life. Thanks a lot for your replies, it really helps actually
On March 26 2007 10:22 Cpt Obvious wrote: Beyonder, my point was exactly what you told ME. There are situations worse than his.
Ethenielle, to make it clear: Nothing justifies to willingly end your life. All I tried to say was that I'm not thinking about killing myself no matter how hard life appears to be. I try to look at the bright side of things and make the best out of it. So why should you do it?
So you think you are ugly? Guess what, I have acne too. If people judge you by your looks, they're not worth your attention, period.
So you are lonely/sad, because your girlfriend dumped you? Guess what, you're not the first one ever to get dumped. You're gonna find another girlfriend sooner or later. Enjoy your freedom.
So you think life sucks in general because you have no friends or no perspective for your future? Well, whose fault is that? Get off your lazy ass and do something about it. Go to college, get a job, whatever. It's not like you are some central african disabled, illiterate child who was a child soldier. Embrace what luck you had and still have. Thank God for giving you loving parents.
I was not meaning to offend you in any way, and I truly feel you, for I myself have considered suicide a couple of times myself. There were occasions where the thought of my mother crying at my grave were about the only thing keeping me from doing it.
Deal with it. It's going to get better soon. Just don't do it. Seriously.
Alright, just came across as weird to me. Maybe it's the my reading skill.
On March 26 2007 10:11 intrigue wrote: there are things worth living for, but it's fucking hard to see right now. living in itself is a form of hope - camus remarked famously 'there is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide.' yes, why bother living when life sucks?
take the leap of faith and stick with us. your parents care dearly for you, and that is more than many people can say. you have friends, you've had a girlfriend, you've spent time on earth. to know happiness once is to know it always, and you will only find regret if you act upon this.
when i watched people who had attempted suicide in the back of the ambulance, it was easy to tell apart those who meant it and those who didn't. something along the lines of 90% of suicide survivors relate that their last thought before unconsciousness was an overwhelming desperate hope to live, and you can see that right away in the daze and helpless relief in a survivor.
look at you, you're nineteen, in the prime of your life about to kill yourself over a girl. what about education, movies, getting married, having kids? if you're really going to kill yourself, you would have done it instead of posting to hide behind the excuse of your mother. family is the most important thing in the world and if you can't find it in yourself to care about people that have spent every moment in their lives to culminate in this one moment of heartbreak, you are truly thankless and don't deserve to die.
well, I don't know. to know happiness once and then lose it is, for me, desperation beyond belief more than anything else. I know I cannot ever be as happy as I was, and that.. is truly desperation. That ambulance thing.. I don't know, maybe that's the thing that will make me want to live again. I would have loved to have your experience. I don't know how it is to nearly die, I'm not sure I want to know. I'm not sure I want to "attempt" suicide only to maybe survive and get that feeling, the relief. And I don't know if I want to live with having a suicide attempt on my head, that's pretty shameful or what should I say. If I kill myself, it'll probably been under the train. It's sure and swift, which is what how I want my death.
I honestly don't think you are depressed at all, at least not clinically depressed, you're just mopy and sad that your girlfriend dumped you and now you're bringing up all the things that went bad in life for you so you can feel sorry for yourself.
Get over it. Things happen, move on. You've gone through so much already and now you're just going to give up because one girl dumped you? Think to yourself, years ago, did you even see yourself having a girlfriend? Life goes on, situations improve, and things happen that you don't expect. Whether good or bad, you have to learn to take these things in stride.
There is ALWAYS something good about life. So what, you don't have a girlfriend anymore? At least you know what it's like to love and be loved, at least you lived and learned from the experience. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, go for a walk, a stroll, take a look around you. Admire that which is life, stop sitting in your room in front of a computer and feeling sorry for yourself. Things don't come to you, you have to make things happen.
With that being said, you should see a counselor anyway to get you through this hard time if you really feel that badly, and who knows you may be clinically depressed, I'm no doctor. All I know is, you need to spend a day outside, get up in the morning and watch the world waking up. Watch the birds, the animals, people getting up, children going to school, the beautiful fucking scenery of Norway, and think to yourself.
Well in your post you said you werent ugly anymore, so i dont see what the problem is. If its friends you're looking for then maybe you should get a job somewhere. Or if you play sports then go out to the gym meet some new people work out or something. Just remember that killing yourself is not the answer, not only will your parents be sad but other people that knew who you were will probably think you're a dumbass for killing yourself over your ex (they will assume that im sure) so instead of have them think that way you should prove to them that your somebody not just a quitter. Also when you say u want to be liked, are you taking steps to try and achieve that? or do you just walk out in public expecting people to like you? theres stuff u gotta do to stand out in someways.
On March 26 2007 10:12 Liquid`Drone wrote: you're a smart guy something will come around finish highschool, start university in a different city. then make right every decision you feel you have made wrong. come to trondheim or whatever, no matter how socially inept you are you'll find someone with similar interests as yourself because we have student groups who engage in every thinkable activity.
you need to move though, and then you need to make an effort. staying in the same environment will only be harmful, but through moving and starting university in a different city you can literally get a fresh start. assuming you don't live in trondheim, trondheim is a great place to start over. =P
and if you do live in trondheim then pm me!
I've actually thought about going to trondheim next year, but my grades aren't good enough. The fresh start thing though, I don't think that's what will help me. I've tried doing fresh starts a few times and it haven't worked so far. Maybe I'll try one more time.. I really can't decide.
Oh and rpf.. I'll talk to a counselor before I attempt suicide. I've talked with my parents about it already. I don't know, talking with them doesn't help. They don't understand what I'm feeling and just keep saying you'll get through it.
On March 26 2007 10:22 Cpt Obvious wrote: Beyonder, my point was exactly what you told ME. There are situations worse than his.
Ethenielle, to make it clear: Nothing justifies to willingly end your life. All I tried to say was that I'm not thinking about killing myself no matter how hard life appears to be. I try to look at the bright side of things and make the best out of it. So why should you do it?
So you think you are ugly? Guess what, I have acne too. If people judge you by your looks, they're not worth your attention, period.
So you are lonely/sad, because your girlfriend dumped you? Guess what, you're not the first one ever to get dumped. You're gonna find another girlfriend sooner or later. Enjoy your freedom.
So you think life sucks in general because you have no friends or no perspective for your future? Well, whose fault is that? Get off your lazy ass and do something about it. Go to college, get a job, whatever. It's not like you are some central african disabled, illiterate child who was a child soldier. Embrace what luck you had and still have. Thank God for giving you loving parents.
I was not meaning to offend you in any way, and I truly feel you, for I myself have considered suicide a couple of times myself. There were occasions where the thought of my mother crying at my grave were about the only thing keeping me from doing it.
Deal with it. It's going to get better soon. Just don't do it. Seriously.
this is not an ethical question, but really one like 'how to make him feel value for life' which simply saying 'you can't do this' would not provide.
it would help if you could tell us about your outlook on life, just describe the metaphysics of it naturally.
Interesting little thing I've noticed with love, friendship, and relationships in general is that they come to you most often and easily when you don't need them and aren't looking for them. In my experience, people are less inclined to hang out with you, girls are less likely to be attracted to you, etc. when you come off as desperate or needy. I, like many other nerdy socially inept gamers, had a rough social childhood. However, when I came to college I remade myself and started to live just for myself and not worry about others. Then people came to me. I figured I'd never have a girlfriend ever, so I accepted that and moved on. Then my current girlfriend of 3+ years came to me and we've been happy ever since. I stopped looking and then what I was looking for came to me.
I believe these things happen because living for yourself will give you the confidence and independence to draw people to you. Don't worry so much about making people come to you right now. If you can live independently of others and be happy with yourself, others will see your strength. Don't let others dictate your life, take control.
On March 26 2007 10:12 Liquid`Drone wrote: you're a smart guy something will come around finish highschool, start university in a different city. then make right every decision you feel you have made wrong. come to trondheim or whatever, no matter how socially inept you are you'll find someone with similar interests as yourself because we have student groups who engage in every thinkable activity.
you need to move though, and then you need to make an effort. staying in the same environment will only be harmful, but through moving and starting university in a different city you can literally get a fresh start. assuming you don't live in trondheim, trondheim is a great place to start over. =P
and if you do live in trondheim then pm me!
I've actually thought about going to trondheim next year, but my grades aren't good enough. The fresh start thing though, I don't think that's what will help me. I've tried doing fresh starts a few times and it haven't worked so far. Maybe I'll try one more time.. I really can't decide.
Oh and rpf.. I'll talk to a counselor before I attempt suicide. I've talked with my parents about it already. I don't know, talking with them doesn't help. They don't understand what I'm feeling and just keep saying you'll get through it.
If you are too pussy to 'try one more time' <--WOW SO HARD, how the fuck you gunna jump infront of a train. LOL
Although I think the words "get over it" are a little harsh to be said to someone feeling this way, in all reality they have truth. Life can become hard sometimes but that certainly doesn't warrant giving up. You say that you have been stepped on and picked on your entire life, I hear what doesn't kill me (and yes I realize that this is a possibility, but please rethink it) makes me stronger.
To say that no one loves you is a complete understate. You keep saying yes my parents and then almost brushing it off that they are just your parents. I cannot tell you how much you should cherish the fact that they do care about you so much.
I have never been to the point of suicide but I have been extremely depressed before. My dad walked out on my family when I was 10 yrs old and there was only my mom left to take care of us. She had pretty much never worked more than a few part time jobs her entire life, and now she had to take on the full commitment of taking care of three kids by herself. My mom means more to me than anything. Even if the rest of the world is looking down at me and doubting me, my mom will always be in my corner to back me up. And it sounds like your mom is the same way.
So do not take the for granted. Embrace your parents love and find strength in them. At 19 years old you have so much more life to live. Dating is an experiment to truly finding the person who is right for you. So what your last relationship didn't work out, you had one! As many people have said, there are people who are 19 who have never even experienced what it is like to have a girlfriend. You are a lucky one.
Basically, take your time to feel depressed, but do not let it consume you. Pick yourself back up and move on. Things will get better, and if they don't you can face them and then move on. You are not on a downward slope falling down. You are merely beginning the ride of your life, so do not get off yet.
oneofthem: I will start my studies soon, not that I'm really looking forward to it, just I couldn't think of something better to do. I just figured life is quite enjoyable even when it looks shitty, and I also figured it's bound to get better sooner or later, I'm just gonna be patient. Because good things always happen when you least expect them.
On March 26 2007 10:17 Vi)Chris wrote: Not to be mean but if you're looking for a reason to live you should seek professional help, the answers you seek will not come from an internet forum. If you're afraid they'll throw you in a padded cell... don't. Seek out a psychologist if you have no one close to talk to.
It sounds like this is the first time you have experienced heartbreak, many of us have been there and it sucks. It will pass with time, trust me. You do not feel 1000x worse than anyone else's worst moment. Your heartbreak is honestly minimal compared to a married person who was just cheated on, or a wife who had her husband and children killed in a car crash, or parents who have lost a child. Put your problems in perspective and change your way of thinking.
But advice on this forum will not be strong enough to help you. Do yourself and others a favor and seek REAL-LIFE professional help. Life can get better. If you were happy with a girlfriend you will find a new one.
Or you can kill yourself and become a suicide statistic and prove to everyone that you didn't have the heart to pull though. Unless you're an orphan in a 3rd world country who is anally raped by a guy with aids everyday and can't find food to eat, then don't kill yourself.
I have a damn fine life all taken into consideration yeah, I do. I have never been anally raped nor had a shortage of food, but that's beside my current problem which is inside my head, not in my body. It's not only the heartbreak that's crushing me now, it's my entire damned life that's coming down onto me. It's all been so shit up till now, and my girlfriend breaking up just toppled the mountain and set things rolling. I'll get real life help - maybe it helps. I posted here because, as I said, right now I have nowhere to go, and I really need an answer.
And Rekrul you're right, the first half of your post is my life story sort of. My (second actually. the first one didn't last very long, in fact it stopped when I got acne.) relationship ending is of course natural and I know it. I could have lived with it, gotten over it and all. But the other things.. they're still burning inside me. And the one thing I didn't need right now was losing my girlfriend.
And yes, for me it's hard to start over again. Been denied too many times already. Yes I may do it, I haven't decided whether to kill myself or not yet, but another unsuccessful "fresh start" will surely kill me. Also, what you said about organs, I actually took that seriously though you may have meant it as a joke. I don't know any other way to kill myself swiftly and without pain while still persevering my body. That's why.
Most of us have been in a depression, some deeper then the other. I was really really sad during a time when my gf broke up with me quite understandable. Well I thougt to myself if it´s going to feel this way FOREVER what point would it be living this shitty life? Well guess what, it feels like it last for eternity but it doesn´t. Sometimes you can get over it by yourself but most of the time you just need a little bit of help. You don´t want to throw away something that you have been given for a reason, you just have to find what you supposed to do with it. It may take a while, mb a week or a year or even a lifetime. Please do not hesitate to get this help from people who can make your life worth living. They are professionals and will give their very best to help you in every way they can, trust me my friend. Think about those who you care about and the people who cares about you, there are a lot more then you think. Those people who laugh at you and call you names, it might be hard to ignore them. But if you think about it who cares how you look or if you have acne or whatever, in the end it only matters who you are inside. It´s a cliché I know, but if you are willing to stay you well see. TRUST ME
Man this same kinda shit happens to alot of people in this age group.
I'm your age and I'd say I've experienced something similar, I lived in a stupid little tiny town, had a shitty job, the friends I did have went to college on their parents dime and I stayed there for like a year after they left, I was living with my mom for awhile with her latest husband and before I was even out of Highschool (like 3 months before grad.) I moved the fuck out. because this asshole was domestically violent, 3 straight years, he called my mom a slut and a whore just because she was a bartender at a lodge in town and he thought she was sleeping around, even though the kid she did have during this time WAS infact because of him, He also would randomly call my sister a bitch all the time ( she was like 14-15 at this time) and I finally decided fuck this bullshit. I lived on my own in an apartment while working at a department store, and got sick of that, so I moved out of state.
I'm in oregon now and things are better, I'm working in an entry-level computer position, working towards getting certificates, and filling out financial aid to go to school next fall. (I dont have any friends here either)
Look man, you don't really need anyone but yourself. just keep on trying because in the end you'll look back at all of this and realize it was all worth it, just keep on moving forward, forward and stop doubting yourself, stop saying you CAN'T do something... I fucking hate that word. You can do anything you fucking want to do.
What should I do? Don't take the easy way out. You only live life once, so make something out of it.
What's the RIGHT thing? Don't do it. Live on.
Is it very selfish to kill myself when I feel this pain all day and all night? Yes, you'll end up hurting your parents and that's not something you wanna do. Imagine yourself in their position. If your son killed himself, you would probably be thinking, "What a horrible job I did as a parent."
Do you think my parents will get over it? Don't even think that far.
Can my suicide be morally defended? Perhaps in a situation where the person is already dying/on the verge of death and there is no point in letting that person suffer his/her last breath. Ie..someone is being burned alive, but you shoot him in the head to shorten his death (quick example but you get the point).
"Im not like you, I can't try again, I can't do this and that, I'm not ready to change my life" etc
If there was no hope in the first place, why make the thread? So that when you kill yourself we feel bad for you? As if it wasn't enough to make your parents suffer?
On March 26 2007 10:29 Vi)Chris wrote: This post intrigues me for some reason. Statistically this "cry-for-help" is actually just for attention or to make himself feel better, but there is a chance he is serious and some people actually do go through with suicides after asking others about it. Most people who are serious don't talk about it though. I guess you need to treat every situation as dire though.
It's a cry for help in the sense that I don't know what to do. If everybody on the forum told me that yes, your mother will get over it in a few months or a couple of years then I would jump on my bike and die. "He" is that serious. He has attempted suicide before by trying to saw his hand off, but his mother stopped him before he died. Right now he has it so bad he doesn't know what to do, but he's trying to find an answer on the internet forum he's been reading for a couple of years.
On March 26 2007 10:42 mahnini wrote: I honestly don't think you are depressed at all, at least not clinically depressed, you're just mopy and sad that your girlfriend dumped you and now you're bringing up all the things that went bad in life for you so you can feel sorry for yourself.
That's an interpretation I actually guessed would come sooner or later, but to clarify again: I've been having shit since first school. I have attempted suicide a few years back, so it was bad back then, too.
On March 26 2007 11:06 Hollow wrote: by the way why do you keep saying
"Im not like you, I can't try again, I can't do this and that, I'm not ready to change my life" etc
If there was no hope in the first place, why make the thread? So that when you kill yourself we feel bad for you? As if it wasn't enough to make your parents suffer?
No, what I'm wondering is if I could do it or if I couldn't because of my parents. I know what pain they will endure, but I don't know if that pain is more than what pain I'm currently experiencing and therefore which solution is the best for this familiy. For me it's suicide, for my parents it's me living. It's a dilemma I can't find a solution to, hence my first post. No one here even knows me and no one would know if I died tomorrow, so this really isn't just for attention or anything, honestly.
On March 26 2007 09:50 MYM.Testie wrote: Surely you can get a job and improve the look of your face. Even ugly people get hired. Surely you can exercise and improve your body if that is also a problem.
Healthy habits help your life big time.
I hope you realize he doesn't feel this way because of his looks, but rather his lack of meaning in this life, and positive things that could enhance his day.
Jeg vet at du kanskje ikke kommer til å bry deg om dette, men vi føler oss alle ensomme en gang i blant (eller oftere), og noen ganger kan det bli for mye. Jeg har selv opplevd at alt virket svart og meningsløst. Men nå er ting lysere for meg, akkurat som det kan bli for deg i fremtiden. Men det er nettopp dette vi ikke kan vite før vi har opplevd det, ja nettopp fremtiden. Ingen vet hva den vil bringe, og ingen vet hva som kan komme til å skje. Det er derfor jeg lever under "karmaen": "Lev livet som det var det beste som kunne hendt deg. Det du føler, opplever og tenker nå, kan du ikke forandre. Du kan bare forandre det du vil føle, oppleve og tenke i fremtiden, og derfor har du egentlig det fantastisk bra, fordi du ikke kan forandre det som du nettopp opplever i øyeblikkets senter. Det eneste du kan forandre er fremtiden, så ikke dvel med fortiden. Faktisk, ikke dvel med nåtiden heller. Tenk heller på det positive som kan skje med deg i fremtiden".
I think you need a hobby. Try doing something that will keep off your mind thinking that you are miserable. And once you got a hobby, you'll get to know people with same interests and you'll have a bond that will keep you together.
Try out sports, preferably team sports. That way you'll not only get to meet new people, you'll learn to socialize with them a little.
Also kid you're still, as Rekrul put it, "dumb as fuck". Go try learning about different things. Different cultures, religions, maybe psychology etc. Try to understand a little how other people deal with their life, with different stuff. Maybe you'll learn something that will make you feel better. (And if not you'll still be more knowledgeable which comes in handy when you try to "socialize" with other people...)
And how can you put all your hopes on 1 girl? She probably didn't understand you and most likely didn't know jackshit about you. You'll "go through" dozens of girls before you'll find the one right for you.
Also if you didn't notice: while we are just strangers to you, we still "care" enough to try to offer some advice. So as you can see not everyone's like the people you've met in your town sofar who just ignored you...
Just got back from class to see how this was going (class...something I suggest you go too!!!!!!).
I notice that you really took a harsh blow from your girlfriend. Ah, love...such a cruel thing. Here is the bottom line: Whenever you give to love someone, you are opening your heart to them...which gives them a ripe and ample opportunity to destroy it. As much as I hate to say it, if you expect to have someone love you and it all be peachy-keen, someone is bound to hurt you again. I've been hurt by people...and I have hurt people. But the world in which we live around revolves around this concept of love...finding someone who you can dedicate yourself too.
What you need to try real hard to do is just keep picking yourself up. I know many people have posted here saying "Stop being a pussy", "be a man", "fucking suck it up", etc...and, to an extent (but not in such harsh language) they are right. Life can be painful. Very, very painful. It's a fact. But that pain is what strengthens people...knowing you can feel pain, knowing that there are times when you are down...only means one thing: That you are, in fact, alive, and that things can certainly (and will) get better. You just have to really motivate yourself to move on, to forget the past pains, and to search for something that can soothe your agony.
You know what I do when I'm stressed? I pick up my fishing pole and stand at a nearby pond for a few hours. Usually I don't catch anything, but the silence and serenty of the pond and the cool breeze from the water allows me to think about life...and how grand it is. Even without friends, family, etc...it is still relaxing...and enjoyable...to just take in the brilliance around you.
Just try to think of it as a growing pain. You hurt now, and you think it won't end, but I assure you if you talk to people, get help, etc....and make it through...it will only make you stronger. Humans are made or broken on things like these...don't let it destroy you. Life is too good to waste being down. I advise you to take a break from these forums, past the multitude of opinions and advices, go somewhere quiet like the park or something, and just relax and think.
Hopefully you will come to the conclusion that life is really worth it, and that the effort it takes to keep on living will pay dividents far more valuable than you could ever imagine.
Ethan, you can't just go killing yourself because now you're a tl.net personality. You wuss.
That emo guy who asked us about killing himself. Now we can respond to a lot of your future posts with unwitty stuff like, "What's your special mix in a sandwich?" "RAZOR BLADEZ ZZLOLOL"
Anyway, ;-) Take it lightly and I hope you're enjoying the posts.
On March 26 2007 10:47 Phyre wrote: Interesting little thing I've noticed with love, friendship, and relationships in general is that they come to you most often and easily when you don't need them and aren't looking for them. In my experience, people are less inclined to hang out with you, girls are less likely to be attracted to you, etc. when you come off as desperate or needy. I, like many other nerdy socially inept gamers, had a rough social childhood. However, when I came to college I remade myself and started to live just for myself and not worry about others. Then people came to me. I figured I'd never have a girlfriend ever, so I accepted that and moved on. Then my current girlfriend of 3+ years came to me and we've been happy ever since. I stopped looking and then what I was looking for came to me.
I believe these things happen because living for yourself will give you the confidence and independence to draw people to you. Don't worry so much about making people come to you right now. If you can live independently of others and be happy with yourself, others will see your strength. Don't let others dictate your life, take control.
This is so incredibly true but I'm not the kind of person who can live for himself. I need people, I need someone to show I love them and give them stuff, help people with stuff and do things for them. I can't live for myself because I am nothing to live for.
On March 26 2007 10:12 Liquid`Drone wrote: you're a smart guy something will come around finish highschool, start university in a different city. then make right every decision you feel you have made wrong. come to trondheim or whatever, no matter how socially inept you are you'll find someone with similar interests as yourself because we have student groups who engage in every thinkable activity.
you need to move though, and then you need to make an effort. staying in the same environment will only be harmful, but through moving and starting university in a different city you can literally get a fresh start. assuming you don't live in trondheim, trondheim is a great place to start over. =P
and if you do live in trondheim then pm me!
I've actually thought about going to trondheim next year, but my grades aren't good enough. The fresh start thing though, I don't think that's what will help me. I've tried doing fresh starts a few times and it haven't worked so far. Maybe I'll try one more time.. I really can't decide.
Oh and rpf.. I'll talk to a counselor before I attempt suicide. I've talked with my parents about it already. I don't know, talking with them doesn't help. They don't understand what I'm feeling and just keep saying you'll get through it.
(norwegian post) det finnes plenty åpne studier her.. så lenge du har bestått videregående kommer du inn på noen vil jeg anta, dog kanskje ikke det du ønsker å studere.. men sånn som jeg ser det er ikke dette hovedpoenget, du trenger ikke finne ut av hva du ønsker å gjøre med livet ditt iløpet av det neste året eller de neste to-tre årene, du trenger en miljøforandring.
har du ikke bestått må du vel ta opp eksamener som privatist men med tanke på hvor godt du behersker engelsk konkluderer jeg at du er smart nok til å stå på enhver videregående eksamen, det er ikke akkurat vanskelig. jeg tror ganske så bestemt at om en frisk start ikke fungerte så hadde du enten ikke lært av tidligere feil, eller så prøvde du ikke hardt nok. faktum er, selv om folk oppfører seg som drittsekker, hvilket nesten alle gjør grunnet egen usikkerhet, er det alltid en grunn til at folk velger seg en "hakkekylling".
jeg klarer liksom personlig ikke å relatere meg helt til deg, selv om jeg også var "utenfor" i store deler av ungdomsskolen og barneskolen, så har jeg alltid hatt evnen til å bare skyve det unna. jeg vet ikke hvorfor jeg har hatt det, og det virker ikke som noe jeg kan lære bort, men tingen din er også at du har ikke vært i noen miljøer som var modne nok til at du ble akseptert.
for å ta min egen historie ; barneskolen hadde jeg greit med venner under, fordi jeg var veldig god i fotball. hadde det ikke vært for det ville jeg sannsynligvis vært "utenfor", fordi jeg oppførte meg veldig forskjellig fra hva normalen var, og de første 15 årene av ditt liv måles faktisk din suksess ut i fra hvor normal og akseptert du er. jeg ble aldri skikkelig mobbet, men dette skyldtes hovedsaklig at jeg var akseptert av de fleste populære folkene på skolen (fordi jeg hadde vært god i fotball). men samtidig hadde jeg egentlig ingen gode venner, og faktum er, dette var min egen skyld på grunn av min egen oppførsel. (på den tiden var jeg særdeles arrogant og hadde en falsk selvsikkerhet som sannsynligvis var ganske gjennomsiktig. )
jeg startet deretter på en helt ny videregående skole hvor jeg egentlig bare kjente 2 stk før jeg startet, og ingen av de kjente jeg spesielt godt. allikevel ble videregående i starten på mange måter en fortsettelse av ungdomsskolen; jeg hadde bragt videre min egen usikkerhet i fra ungdomsskolen inn i det nye miljøet. det var nok en gang gjennomsiktig, og jeg prøvde å spille klovn / whatever for å få positiv oppmerksomhet, men jeg fikk det ikke. for min del var det heldigvis flere andre i klassen som slet med større sosial inkompetanse enn tilfellet var for min del, så jeg fikk nesten ingen negative kommentarer, men følte alltid at min tilstedeværelse var rimelig ubetydelig (og jeg hadde noe sånt som 50 fraværsdager det første året. )
for meg var det faktisk, og ikke ta det som et råd, utrolig nok narkotika som fikk meg OPP av denne tilstanden. tror ikke det ville funka for så veldig mange andre, men jeg begynte å røyke hasj og faktisk gjorde det at jeg ble kjent med alle de mest populære guttene på skolen igjen, og fikk både påskudd til å henge med dem og indikasjoner på at de ønsket at jeg skulle henge med dem. dette ble katalysatoren for den beste perioden av mitt liv, og de siste to årene av videregående skolen min var en gjennomgående drøm, fordi jeg hadde aldri vært borti enkle gleder som at når jeg kom tilbake etter å ha vært syk eller bare ha skulket brydde liksom plutselig folk om meg, og jeg ble kul.
fram til jeg var 16-17 innså jeg hverken at folk ikke nødvendigvis likte meg (dog det var åpenbart), jeg viste aldri tegn til at jeg brydde meg om at de ikke likte meg (dog jeg brydde meg), og jeg forstod aldri hvorfor de ikke likte meg.
faktum er at folk på ungdomsskolen og videregående trenger faen knapt noe påskudd for å ikke like deg. uttaler du en bokstav feil kan du være dømt til å gå igjennom de første 18 årene av livet ditt som mobbeoffer. er man stygg, likeså, eller om man har på seg feil klær.
det du må innse er at den neste gangen du starter på nytt, så lenge du starter på universitetet er ; de folkene du nå blir nødt til å ha kontakt med er så jævlig mye mer oppegående enn de personene du tidligere var nødt til å ha kontakt med. man blir faktisk voksne. reflekter over deg selv og hvordan du framstår for andre: og endre de tingene du føler er genuine årsaker til at folk ikke liker / bryr seg om deg. problemet er at de personene som tidligere dømte deg basert på overfladiske årsaker dømmer deg sannsynligvis fortsatt basert på sine tidligere inntrykk av deg, inntrykk de fikk i en umoden periode av sine egne liv. starter du på nytt, nå, blir det helt forskjellig; folk leter ikke lenger etter en grunn til å hakke ned på deg. jeg antar du har reelle problemer med selvtillit, og disse må du etterhvert komme over. men ingen oppegående voksen person kommer til å disse deg basert på hvordan du snakker, ser ut, klær deg, beveger deg, whatever. ikke vær redd for disse tingene, og du vil finne ut at det er jævlig mye lettere å få gode venner som bryr seg.
men du trenger sannsynligvis en miljøforandring. et øyeblikk som for meg var en enorm glede var når jeg møtte den personen som på hele videregående skolen min var minst sosialt kompetent. vi mobbet han i grunnen hele gjengen, meg inkludert, dog det var aldri med intensjonen om å gjøre han lei seg så hadde det utvilsomt den virkningen. men når jeg møtte han sist høst hadde han fått seg dame og venner, og ettersom jeg hadde blitt mer voksen og reflektert over mine tidligere handlinger må jeg si det gjorde meg utrolig happy.
Tien, thanks a bunch for your offer, I may take up on it in a few days if I still live. Right now I'm too unstable to have a proper conversation since my voice just suddenly breaks down and I start crying. I can type, though[/QUOTE]
Man, u've a great sense of humor! And some1 here obviously can't qoute...
On March 26 2007 10:47 Phyre wrote: Interesting little thing I've noticed with love, friendship, and relationships in general is that they come to you most often and easily when you don't need them and aren't looking for them. In my experience, people are less inclined to hang out with you, girls are less likely to be attracted to you, etc. when you come off as desperate or needy. I, like many other nerdy socially inept gamers, had a rough social childhood. However, when I came to college I remade myself and started to live just for myself and not worry about others. Then people came to me. I figured I'd never have a girlfriend ever, so I accepted that and moved on. Then my current girlfriend of 3+ years came to me and we've been happy ever since. I stopped looking and then what I was looking for came to me.
I believe these things happen because living for yourself will give you the confidence and independence to draw people to you. Don't worry so much about making people come to you right now. If you can live independently of others and be happy with yourself, others will see your strength. Don't let others dictate your life, take control.
This is so incredibly true but I'm not the kind of person who can live for himself. I need people, I need someone to show I love them and give them stuff, help people with stuff and do things for them. I can't live for myself because I am nothing to live for.
I thought u had some friends. Are they just people u know or are they your friends. Like someone said, you need good friends not just acquaintances.
They're my friends but not in the way that for instance my girlfriend was. I don't open myself to them, don't tell them about my deepest feelings etc. I just chat with them about everything, laugh with them etc. They're not what I need.
Og tusen takk for posten Eriador.. det var sjukt smart sagt, alt sammen, og det gir meg litt mer tvil om jeg skal drepe meg selv eller ikke - om det er en god ting vet jeg ennå ikke. For nå lar jeg litt tid gå, snakker med en psykolog eller hva, og ser om det bedrer seg. Meningsløsheten er dog fortsatt ganske overveldende.
And Overmind, I can't look at this pain and think "I'll grow on it, I'll grow on it." It just hurts too much, everytime I think about it I cry, everytime I actually consider my life I cry(go ahead and call me a pussy, I can't help but cry). As for looking at nature and enjoying sunrise etc, it was something I could do before with my girlfriend. She held my life up, sort of, and I could enjoy it despite my lack of importance - as long as she was there. Now she isn't, I mean nothing, and sunrises make me sadder than anything else.
You can find your solutions in world of warcraft, Please Join me and many millions of no life lossers in the endless advanture of world of warcraft, there are endless guild dramas to keep you off your depression, you would be so suck into the game that You no longer have a real life. How do you kill someone has no life? you can't man, see wow is your perfect solution to all your problems.
For those saying 'everyone breaks up get over it', you need to realise this isn't some random girl.
I think in some ways eth is similar to me- really wants to feel needed and wanted by others- but didn't believe anyone would really love him. So when someone really does, its the best thing in the world- makes life seem full of hope- like maybe this fucked up world actually isn't all bad- that there's something good and pure in it.
Thats what happened to me + I had a lot of INSANE stuff going on which virtually proved to me that it was down to some sort of divine being. Being told by the girl that she considered me to be her soul mate also really added to this (obviously I felt the same).
Then the last 2 months- with no logic, no explanation- a terrrible slow agonizing break up. As if all feelings for me had just gone. Its not over yet, there's still hope- but I think I'm feeling virtually the same pain-I've nearly given up on her coming back
And I'll agree its the worst pain in my life- the higher you climb and so on..
But after a while you come through that pain. For me, I've done that by going back to my former loves- music and gaming, as well as throwing myself into new physical pursuits.
The pain seems like it won't end...but it really does...and you have so much you can do at age 19 man pick anything, throw yourself at it- and you can become the best in the world at it, or one of them. Oh and go to uni! its fucking brilliant, I'm loving it.
On March 26 2007 11:43 Tal wrote: For those saying 'everyone breaks up get over it', you need to realise this isn't some random girl.
I think in some ways eth is similar to me- really wants to feel needed and wanted by others- but didn't believe anyone would really love him. So when someone really does, its the best thing in the world- makes life seem full of hope- like maybe this fucked up world actually isn't all bad- that there's something good and pure in it.
You got me. This is EXACTLY how I feel/felt. As for doing as you do, picking up old hobbies and interests, it doesn't cut it. I don't have any joy left in life after this, at least not right now, I don't know if it will change as many of you say it will.
On March 26 2007 11:49 NotAnotherPSISTORM wrote: hey ethenielle, if you're an atheist aren't you even a tiny bit scared of dyin?
No. I assume you're thinking I like life, which I don't. It's all been such a huge way down. I see only relief in death, relief from all the pain. What and if something comes after doesn't bother me, be it hell or elysium. What I want when I am thinking about suicide is relief from this world, and then whatever comes after will have to come. I guess that was what you thought about?
This is the first time some one didn't post about me --...thank god...Ok Ethenielle you big panooch 8D I've been there with this whole suicidal stuff, I've tried it actually at least twice first time was with a car accident that didn't work out as i planned -____-;;; second time i sent a 8in blade into my ribs i was passed out after like 15mins of bleeding? O_o my mom found me on the floor...and then comes ambulance saying if she didnt walk into the room 15mins earlier i would of died -___-;;; so yea both attempts sucked balls third attempt hopefully wont be anytime soon, because everything is going great once in my life :D!!! so im just saying don't suicide theres always something at the end of the road for you .....But yea dont kill yourself listen to this...this is fromt he TL.net's emo person --
well if you're an atheist, NOTHING comes afterwards right? i don't mean death is scary because you don't get the joys of life anymore, because you're at this point where you think life is joyless. i meant if the idea of the cessation of existence scares you at all.
Yeah, it hurts. No one ever said it wouldn't. And crying isn't for pussies...sometimes things are just so overwhelming we can't help it.
Being with your girlfriend was wonderful, wasn't it? You loved her, she loved you, and you could enjoy living. But love isn't a guarantee...things happen, and relationships fall apart. But that doesn't mean that there isn't anyone left to love you. If you are longing for a person to fill that void, you need to be strong enough to move on and pick yourself up. And trust me, you will never find a person to love if you don't LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!
Is who you are who you want to be? Is it the person inside of you? Are you comfortable with yourself? Hopefully, you can say yes to one of these. Please, stop beating yourself up. Every person has importance, every person has someone who can love them, and every person NEEDS to be loved. You aren't alone in that feeling. Humans need it; we thrive on it and live for it, longing for that person who will make us smile and help us out when times are low.
So why end your life now? That person is still out there. Your future is still there. Your experiences, troubles, pains, joys, successes, failures...your LIFE...is still there. There is so much to live for! And while it may seem hopeless, like none of it matters anymore...you have to really try hard, and I mean from the bottom of your soul, to get over this and realize how amazing that thrill ride called 'life' is. Please, talk to your parents, now. Especially if you are thinking these thoughts and you are afraid that you can't get out. Go talk to a counselor. And then, try your hardest to shrug your sorrows off. Thinking about the past, how miserable thngs are, how you broke up with your girlfriend...won't help. Leave the past, and SECURE your future...don't destroy it.
Everytime I see you argue someone on this thread as to why you are in so much pain and how the world is meaningless, I hope it is that one part inside of you that feels like suicide isn't right...and is trying to justify it to make it seem right. Don't let it be right. You know it isn't. You know life is better than that. Pick yourself up. If you can't, go talk to someone who can help you. Because if you give up, then you can't go back. Don't give up on yourself - and please do give yourself more credit as a person. That's a step you have to take if you want to get over this.
Trust me, years from now, you'll see how much life is worth it. 19 years old, right? Your life is still ahead of you. Run toward it, not away from it...
Well if you have no hobbies that bring you joy, or nothing else to fall back on like that (this is difficult to imagine for me as throughout my life I have been obsessed with different hobbies- mainly games and last 5 years= music), then you have so much to explore. Try getting into a load of random stuff, whatever seems interesting. Even if nothing does, keep trying.
Are you interested in any academic subject? Because uni is just so so brilliant- just the experience of having flat/hall mates is gold alone.
On March 26 2007 11:55 -WGT-Stars- wrote: This is the first time some one didn't post about me --...thank god...Ok Ethenielle you big panooch 8D I've been there with this whole suicidal stuff, I've tried it actually at least twice first time was with a car accident that didn't work out as i planned -____-;;; second time i sent a 8in blade into my ribs i was passed out after like 15mins of bleeding? O_o my mom found me on the floor...and then comes ambulance saying if she didnt walk into the room 15mins earlier i would of died -___-;;; so yea both attempts sucked balls third attempt hopefully wont be anytime soon, because everything is going great once in my life :D!!! so im just saying don't suicide theres always something at the end of the road for you .....But yea dont kill yourself listen to this...this is fromt he TL.net's emo person --
On March 26 2007 11:56 NotAnotherPSISTORM wrote: well if you're an atheist, NOTHING comes afterwards right? i don't mean death is scary because you don't get the joys of life anymore, because you're at this point where you think life is joyless. i meant if the idea of the cessation of existence scares you at all.
yeah, well. I guess I'm agnostic(I'm not so good at these terms.) - I don't believe or disbelieve anything. There could be a God, and there couldn't. The cessation of existence doesn't scare me no, because existence in itself is, at the moment, just pain. Maybe I'm cynical(though I don't think I really am) but whether there is a paradise, hell or nothing isn't what I think about. I'll see when I get there, whether it's in a week, five years or fifty. My own death isn't something that bothers me in the slightest because I feel utterly and completely worthless. Other people dying however, scares me - and seeing them again in an eventual afterlife would make me happy. I don't know if that was a good answer, but at the moment I don't have a clear thought about anything.
On March 26 2007 11:55 -WGT-Stars- wrote: This is the first time some one didn't post about me --...thank god...Ok Ethenielle you big panooch 8D I've been there with this whole suicidal stuff, I've tried it actually at least twice first time was with a car accident that didn't work out as i planned -____-;;; second time i sent a 8in blade into my ribs i was passed out after like 15mins of bleeding? O_o my mom found me on the floor...and then comes ambulance saying if she didnt walk into the room 15mins earlier i would of died -___-;;; so yea both attempts sucked balls third attempt hopefully wont be anytime soon, because everything is going great once in my life :D!!! so im just saying don't suicide theres always something at the end of the road for you .....But yea dont kill yourself listen to this...this is fromt he TL.net's emo person --
do what you gotta do. take a trip, relax from your emotional breakdown. feel yourself again.
its ok even if you have no friends. after all, how many real friends do one person have in his life time? perhaps one if he/she is lucky.
we just conform to the society that we blindly serve, no longer the other way around. take a break. When I had nobody that i talk to, or no gf, I didnt feel down at all, just felt content and in peace.
On the way back home from school today, I forced a wounded pigeon onto the center of the road some dumbass middle aged blond just ran right over it. A kid next to me is like "WHOA MAN THATS FUCKED UP" I didn't say anything and I just moved along. I stared at it, and I'm like, fuck I didn't have do that why did I just do that. And I begin to reflect on a recent fight I had with my brother. I told him how much I fucking hated him. How much pain I went through after our parents left us, and how shitty he acted in front of me. And I wonder, if I push someone too far, will it kill them?
I think I'm curiously sadistic, but hey, I had a similar issue in elementary school, but I realized how bitchy those type of women are and not worth getting into.
On March 26 2007 11:55 -WGT-Stars- wrote: This is the first time some one didn't post about me --...thank god...Ok Ethenielle you big panooch 8D I've been there with this whole suicidal stuff, I've tried it actually at least twice first time was with a car accident that didn't work out as i planned -____-;;; second time i sent a 8in blade into my ribs i was passed out after like 15mins of bleeding? O_o my mom found me on the floor...and then comes ambulance saying if she didnt walk into the room 15mins earlier i would of died -___-;;; so yea both attempts sucked balls third attempt hopefully wont be anytime soon, because everything is going great once in my life :D!!! so im just saying don't suicide theres always something at the end of the road for you .....But yea dont kill yourself listen to this...this is fromt he TL.net's emo person --
haha the car accident that "didnt work out as i planned" hahah that sounds funny
ethenielle, reconsider your claim. You are not only saying that life is NOT GOOD, you are saying life will NEVER BE good. thats a pretty bold statement, and to make a claim about the whole of life when you're just 19 is pretty presumptuous. i mean, even if every day of your life up until now has been crappy (which it probably hasn't been), you'd still be making a conclusion about 90 years of life from your experience with 19. Thats like saying "terran sucks i'll never play terran again because i played the first two missions and all they have are marines and firebats" (obligatory starcraft reference). You never even touched tier 2 and you're making this sweeping generalization. I just turned 20 a few days ago, and on my birthday i always like to do this thing where i reflect on who i am this year versus who i was last year (cheesy, i know). to tell you the truth i kind of felt that this one year difference had a huge gap in maturity and stuff. Tal is right, college is awesome, and not only is college good, you grow as a person exponentially each year. If you cut yourself off now thats a lot of wasted talent or whatever that will never, ever, EVER be developed. and that really sucks. in the words of one of my favorite books A million little pieces (which i PLEASE PLEASE BEFORE YOU KILL YOURSELF suggest you read...not only is it a shame to have gone through life without having read this book but there's a part where the main character considers suicide...maybe you could relate) "Life is hard, kid, you gotta be harder"
On March 26 2007 11:55 -WGT-Stars- wrote: This is the first time some one didn't post about me --...thank god...Ok Ethenielle you big panooch 8D I've been there with this whole suicidal stuff, I've tried it actually at least twice first time was with a car accident that didn't work out as i planned -____-;;; second time i sent a 8in blade into my ribs i was passed out after like 15mins of bleeding? O_o my mom found me on the floor...and then comes ambulance saying if she didnt walk into the room 15mins earlier i would of died -___-;;; so yea both attempts sucked balls third attempt hopefully wont be anytime soon, because everything is going great once in my life :D!!! so im just saying don't suicide theres always something at the end of the road for you .....But yea dont kill yourself listen to this...this is fromt he TL.net's emo person --
i bet that stab wound gives you some serious street cred too
if you ever need to talk to someone i'm here for you
i understand how it is with friends... sometimes you dont want to bother them with your pussy shit, but everyone needs someone to talk to once in a while
also the quality of posts in this thread is declining rapidly and i highly suggest to all of you assholes to take this as a serious matter because it fucking is
On March 26 2007 11:55 -WGT-Stars- wrote: This is the first time some one didn't post about me --...thank god...Ok Ethenielle you big panooch 8D I've been there with this whole suicidal stuff, I've tried it actually at least twice first time was with a car accident that didn't work out as i planned -____-;;; second time i sent a 8in blade into my ribs i was passed out after like 15mins of bleeding? O_o my mom found me on the floor...and then comes ambulance saying if she didnt walk into the room 15mins earlier i would of died -___-;;; so yea both attempts sucked balls third attempt hopefully wont be anytime soon, because everything is going great once in my life :D!!! so im just saying don't suicide theres always something at the end of the road for you .....But yea dont kill yourself listen to this...this is fromt he TL.net's emo person --
On March 26 2007 12:19 lil.sis wrote: also the quality of posts in this thread is declining rapidly and i highly suggest to all of you assholes to take this as a serious matter because it fucking is
word.
my AIM: bennici85, I will be more than glad to help with anything. That is, if you still need my help.
On March 26 2007 11:55 -WGT-Stars- wrote: This is the first time some one didn't post about me --...thank god...Ok Ethenielle you big panooch 8D I've been there with this whole suicidal stuff, I've tried it actually at least twice first time was with a car accident that didn't work out as i planned -____-;;; second time i sent a 8in blade into my ribs i was passed out after like 15mins of bleeding? O_o my mom found me on the floor...and then comes ambulance saying if she didnt walk into the room 15mins earlier i would of died -___-;;; so yea both attempts sucked balls third attempt hopefully wont be anytime soon, because everything is going great once in my life :D!!! so im just saying don't suicide theres always something at the end of the road for you .....But yea dont kill yourself listen to this...this is fromt he TL.net's emo person --
i bet that stab wound gives you some serious street cred too
I don't know what kind of street cred it would give me O_o since im not gangster or anything...But yea Ethenielle, don't kill yourself...here listen to this song, UnderOATH - To whom it may concern, and if you don't understand it look up the lyrics ;o
I hope u get through this but your post pisses me off more then anything;/
I think everyone thinks about suicide at some point, wether they are seriously considering it or not. But to make a post about it will only bring pity attention, not the kind you want.
The fact that you are worried about your parents reaction if you do it is more then enough reason not to do it.
Ethenielle, firstly I didn't wanted to respond but suddenly I had this big urge to cheer you up only by couple of those letters which I do mean really honestly
I didn't thought about how my life is fucked. I always try to thought that my life is great. But what I'm scared of, is death. Why? What do I love on this world? I've been heavily bullied in grammar school and start of hight school, why? Because I was different, many people called me "lesbian" because I acted like girl(they were joking about me this way) but liked girls (which were giving a shit about me at that time). At the start of High school I was that guy who couldn't talk with anyone, everyone pointed at me at smiled at me. But then I've realized about death and I've completely changed. I'm happy for every deep breath I can feel, for every flower I could see and smell, for every sunshine that I could experience, for every day that came after the previous one because I've realized that I want to live because I can. I will die but I want to experience what I can possibly experience before I'll turn into ash. So with this and my drop of 1st grade of High school (I've started there again) I've completely changed. Now I have beautiful girlfriend, few REAL friends I can count on but mostly, I can feel, see and do what I want to, I can do the most essential things in my life and I'm happy for it. Even the fact that now I can respond to you and your problem is making me happy, I'm doing something that has its meaning. I don't want to die, please don't want to either, I beg you
As had been said before, if your life is worthless, then why would your parents life be potentially RUINED if you suicided? It doesn't even matter if they don't love you for you, the effect if the same.
And your life may be worthless now, but in a year if you actually shrug off the depression somehow and get a job or go to college I bet you will much much better. :o
On March 26 2007 12:02 BC.KoRn wrote: Well, if ur so depressed maybe u should consider smoking crack? It will take all your problems away.
If you're serious - I have a very strong code of moral, part reason I try not to hurt any other people. My moral code tells me that smoking crack really isn't an option in the slightest:p
On March 26 2007 12:29 OverTheUnder wrote: I hope u get through this but your post pisses me off more then anything;/
I think everyone thinks about suicide at some point, wether they are seriously considering it or not. But to make a post about it will only bring pity attention, not the kind you want.
The fact that you are worried about your parents reaction if you do it is more then enough reason not to do it.
I know a lot of you think I'm just seeking attention. I am not. What I want is some advice and thoughts about this whole situation, because I know there are so many smart people on this forum(which has been proven in this topic). All the posts have helped me think about this issue a lot, can't thank you guys enough. And in case someone wonders - I haven't decided if I will kill myself yet. I still see many reasons to do and not to do - I will talk to a psychologist about it before I do anything, however.
Ethenielle, I read most of the posts here and there is some good advice. One thing that I would like to add that it is your duty to be a good son to your parents. Killing yourself will bring them great sorrow, which is exactly what a good son should not do. If nothing else, you have to stay alive for that. Whatever else I, or anyone else can say about how you can change your life, or how your life may/get better has already been told. I suppose the only way you will feel better is when these things do happen, but that requires time. Although I wish I, or someone else here can make you feel better about your life right now, I understand that it is very difficult for such pain to just go away with some encouraging words. However, like you have said, your parents have always been there for you and love you. Regardless of what is happening in your own life, your first duty in life is to be a good son to your parents, then a good husband to your wife, and a good father to your children (eventually). Please do not die until you can fulfill the first.
As of right now, he doesn't want an answer. There is no conclusion. He doesn't want you to tell him to do the thing he already knows is right. This young man simply needs someone to care about all of him. He doesn't want to hear "be a man", he wants to hear that someone truly cares about him without having to change his feelings to accommodate other peoples perceptions of Strength, Integrity, and what have you. Most people forget that you don't go out of your way to get these things, you don't actually change. You can't just turn your life around. You don't say "I want this feeling", and then obtain it. You can't just use logical arguments to change a persons feelings. I do not feel I need to demonstrate these with a proof, they should be fairly self-evident. He wants you to have seen him, try to talk to people and get pushed away and rejected, and what's more, he wanted you to see the look in his eyes while, and after they did it, how he looked away after, perhaps like a twitch reaction as he tried not to think about the perception of reality that these actions were confirming. He wants someone to have been there for every unfair thing that he has had to go through that he shouldn't have, he wants someone to acknowledge the fact that his pain is not simply the product of ignorance and weakness. 15 years of this type of thing can truly alter someones perception of reality, and it so unfortunate that it has to happen at all. I am so sorry your girlfriend broke up with you, my friend, you don't have to pretend it didn't affect you greatly because you've noticed that nobody seems to care. Not everyone is the same, and different things mean differently for different people. You don't need to change, Ethenielle, you just need to be able to see how beautiful and important you are now.
This world is hardest on the people that love it most.
On March 26 2007 12:02 BC.KoRn wrote: Well, if ur so depressed maybe u should consider smoking crack? It will take all your problems away.
If you're serious - I have a very strong code of moral, part reason I try not to hurt any other people. My moral code tells me that smoking crack really isn't an option in the slightest:p
But your code of moral tells you that commiting suicide is ok !?
Is being alone really that bad? I perfer to spend more time alone with just me than I do with other people. But I guuess you can say that that's my prefrence.
Quit your bitching and live life to the fullest! It's not as hard as people think it is! :p Most people are looking to make new friends so just get out of this depression bull shit.
On March 26 2007 12:51 Cpt Obvious wrote: Live of lively to full life thx to shield battery!!!!
My response.
Or more seriously, there are maybe .0000000000000000000000000000000000000001% of suicide reasons that may actually be debatably legit. (aka you're a mental vegetable, etc).
Yours is not one of them. It's like what they say about drugs. Don't do it.
hey eth there's more to life.. don't end yourself that way. i guessd you're more blessed w/ things and love than most people do. meh i been depressed most of my adult life and im still now but i dont stop and id try finding ways to move on. =) read some quotes from the Bible, they're encouraging. Help the poor(that you could find) make friends with them, it helps alot ^^
On March 26 2007 12:02 BC.KoRn wrote: Well, if ur so depressed maybe u should consider smoking crack? It will take all your problems away.
If you're serious - I have a very strong code of moral, part reason I try not to hurt any other people. My moral code tells me that smoking crack really isn't an option in the slightest:p
But your code of moral tells you that commiting suicide is ok !?
Is being alone really that bad? I perfer to spend more time alone with just me than I do with other people. But I guuess you can say that that's my prefrence.
Quit your bitching and live life to the fullest! It's not as hard as people think it is! :p Most people are looking to make new friends so just get out of this depression bull shit.
Just a quick reply, yes I believe suicide is ok as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. In my case it hurts my parents, thus my dilemma - I simply don't know what to do. As I've said before, which pain is largest is hard for me to find out, but I'm trying. Trying very hard to find the right thing.
i'm not sure what time it is where you are and i haven't had time to read all the replies... but i was suicidal and still am sometimes but what gets me out of it is knowing that you can help other people who are worse off than you, like getting involved with charities (the Salvation Army is a good place to start) and helping out with soup kitchens for homeless people and stuff... go to a Church on Sunday and ask about their community programmes and ask how you can help... and ask them for prayers for you too, and you know God accepts everyone no matter who they are or what they look like, stay beautiful inside
You are a fucking idiot. I have absolutely no respect for anyone who kills themselves. There is no reason to do it whatsoever.
Wow your girlfriend broke up with you, boo hoo. Does this mean you are not loved? Ya sure, by one person. 1 of 6,000,000,000 people. You have friends that, obviously if they are your friend, like you. You have parents, 2 fucking wonderful loving parents. WTF more could you want. How much more do you want to be loved? You want fucking playboy models riding you or what?!
You say other people make fun of you. EVERYONE gets made fun of, bullied, hated, etc. Some more than others, but I can tell you right now that I have known some people that have been treated worse than you growing up. But who cares, that's the sad human race.
YOUR 19 FOR FUCKS SAKE. YOUR REAL ADULT LIFE IS JUST STARTING!
If you kill yourself with the train like you say. You make a will that says pics will be taken and mailed to me because if you die, I want something for my time spent reading this thread and replying, because that's all your worth if you go thru with it.
Why is it that I can easily tell any random idiot to go kill themself but telling a random idiot talking about killing himself to kill himself is abit harder?
On March 26 2007 13:16 Rekrul wrote: Why is it that I can easily tell any random idiot to go kill themself but telling a random idiot talking about killing himself to kill himself is abit harder?
Maybe you have a concious telling you that you might feel guilty if they actually do it?
Well first of all I have to say that it's not cool to jum infront of a train. Dont involve any other persons in your suicide. What do you think the enginedriver will feel when he smashes you. So just dont jump infront of a train or take a head on collision with a truck or whatever.
If you want to try to live you should find things too look forward to in a few days ect. Like "I have to do this then I can die" sort of thinking. I do that and it has worked for several years. Life has not got any better (for me while I've been doing this) but you probably wont kill yourself. I mean there is a season of southpark on right now with a new episode every week. If you enjoy southpark you could use that as a reason to live for a few more weeks and see if things get better. It probably wont but why not try.
I dont consider suicide a pussy thing to do. A easy way out for cowards or any thing like that. It is always a good option and looking back you might think "why didnt I do it a few years earlier so I didnt have to go trough this shit", I can assure you that you that if you dont kill yourself there is more bad things to come, but also alot of fun and interesting things. I'm sure you'll get another girl sooner or later, and wouldnt you want to know who that is?
I'll post this even if it dont make any sense at all. Hope it helped atleast a bit. I also hope it didnt make you feel worse but this is a hard topic to explain in what ways I'm thinking. And I do not belive in that "there is always someone who cares" thingy. Thats something people that has someone who cares about them say. And even if there are people who cares about you, how does that make you feel better?
On March 26 2007 13:20 Rekrul wrote: btw that was a rhetorical question you fucking idiots
at least i caught it \
lololol how ironic cpt obvious didnt catch the OBVIOUS rhetorical question XDXDXD
P.S. sorry cpt obv but it WAS funny...
Anyway, on topic... see my mood icon... everyone is depressed once in a while, i have ~4 real friends of which only 1 is a guy. everyone has problems so chill out dude.
Your looking at life more hard than you should. Everyone has low points in their life, some lower than others, but people all hit a bottom at one point that seems to hard to bear. It can be, all it takes is time, and the motivation to continue on.
You've mentioned that your life has been hard and no one accepted you for you. That is why the breakup with your girlfriend was so hard, she was the first who saw you for the truely great person that you are. In 19 years theres been at least one whos seen it, that doesnt mean it stops there, it means that what your longing for is out there, people can accept you, be you friend and even love you.
So dont give up, hold your head high and live the way you want to, people will come and go through your life, but you will pick up friends and loved ones that will accept you and stay by your side for life, it just requires finding them. Im only a year older than you and ive never had the luxery of a girlfriend who has truely cared for me, but when i hit rock bottom, similar to you, all it took was one compassionate friend(one ive never met in person) to help me back to my feet.
You have more than one friend, you have a community that supports you and hopes nothing but the best for you. If we as an online community can see you for who you are, you will meet people irl who will as well. Just give it time.
A million miles away from anything familiar a thousand places that I'd rather be so I choke back the tears and try to find the bright side though I find it hard to see though all my suffering in my heart I know your plan is so much bigger but this small part is all that I can see and I beleive you havn't left me here to wander still I can't help but ponder where you're leading me (chorus) and I ask why this road why this way and this load tell me how far must I go til I see ...til I know why this road A million miles away from anything familiar what was it like to be so far from home though you came in love the world misunderstood you there must have been some days when you felt so alone but you endured, because ther was joy before you joy that came because you sacrificed Since you gave yourself just to spend forever with me surely I can trust you'll lead me through my darkest times when I ask why....(chorus) From here I can't see why you'd choose this path for me but I don't have to understand to beleive that you know why, this road why this way and this load you know how far I must go tile I see til I know why this road
The pathway is broken And The signs are unclear And I don't know the reason why You brought me here But just because You love me the way that You do I'm gonna walk through the valley If You want me to
Chorus: Cause I'm not who I was When I took my first step And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet so if all of these trials bring me closer to you Then I will walk through the fire If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen When you lead me through a world that's not my home But You never said it would be easy You only said I'd never go alone
So When the whole world turns against me And I'm all by myself And I can't hear You answer my cries for help I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through And I will go through the valley If You want me to
- Ginny Owens
“For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him,”- Philippians 1:29
1 John 3
1How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 2Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears,[a]we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. 3Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure.
4Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness. 5But you know that he appeared so that he might take away our sins. And in him is no sin. 6No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him.
7Dear children, do not let anyone lead you astray. He who does what is right is righteous, just as he is righteous. 8He who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work. 9No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God's seed remains in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God. 10This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not a child of God; nor is anyone who does not love his brother. Love one another 11This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another. 12Do not be like Cain, who belonged to the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own actions were evil and his brother's were righteous. 13Do not be surprised, my brothers, if the world hates you. 14We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers. Anyone who does not love remains in death. 15Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him.
16This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 17If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? 18Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 19This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence 20whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.
21Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God 22and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. 23And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. 24Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us.
1 John 4 Test the Spirits 1Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. 2This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, 3but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world.
4You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. 5They are from the world and therefore speak from the viewpoint of the world, and the world listens to them. 6We are from God, and whoever knows God listens to us; but whoever is not from God does not listen to us. This is how we recognize the Spirit[a] of truth and the spirit of falsehood. God's Love and Ours 7Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son[b] into the world that we might live through him. 10This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for[c] our sins. 11Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
13We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. 14And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. 16And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. 17In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. 18There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
19We love because he first loved us. 20If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. 21And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.
"Maybe I was made this way to think and reason and pray and i have never prayed a lot but maybe there's a loving God that would be a foolish thought but maybe there is a God and I have never prayed a lot but maybe there's a loving God"
give your life to loving your parents and working to look after them (eg. financially, emotionally, etc. support them when they get older) - like the above verse says, 11Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
so therefore, in answer to your question, not it's not justified to kill yourself if your parents are still around. you owe them at least 19 years of love and affection before you're justified in killing yourself
most train engineers who have alot of experience in their line of work actually have had counseling because almost all of them have had to deal with the train killing 1 or more people
To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep; No more; and by a sleep to say we end The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub; For in that sleep of death what dreams may come When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, Must give us pause: there's the respect That makes calamity of so long life; For who would bear the whips and scorns of time, The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely, The pangs of despised love, the law's delay, The insolence of office and the spurns That patient merit of the unworthy takes, When he himself might his quietus make With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear, To grunt and sweat under a weary life, But that the dread of something after death, The undiscover'd country from whose bourn No traveller returns, puzzles the will And makes us rather bear those ills we have Than fly to others that we know not of? Thus conscience does make cowards of us all; And thus the native hue of resolution Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought, And enterprises of great pith and moment With this regard their currents turn awry, And lose the name of action. - Soft you now! The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons Be all my sins remember'd.
i will start off by saying there are plenty of ways to gain happiness learn to play guitar paint a picture plant a tree write a poetry book keep a journal (NOT A BLOG) go to the zoo start a garden go hiking in the wilderness rescue a puppy or kitten from a shelter go get a tattoo go to the beach and watch sunset/sunrise learn how to cook exotic foods / eat them Exercise work out run till you cant anymore learn about religions go to different churches go find some flowers for your mom give them to her play catch with your dad go fishing go to a sporting event get involved with charity work make a website go get a massage go swimming go skiing Go Bird watching Get a guide and a checklist and some binoculars Plan / Save money for a vacation on other side of world get a telescope and chart the skys name a star after yourself donate some time to helping improve quality of life for sick children/old people go to the library and READ READ READ READ get a counselor or therapist and talk about life make a photo album collect something (stamps bottlecaps Cards Comics Rocks Music) try to make it huge get a hobby Miniture train sets Model airplanes remote control airplanes rockets diaramas go white water rafting volunteer as a big brother ( you cant change ur childhood But you can change someone elses who is having the same problems as you did) go feed the ducks / squirrels write a book write a song experiment with drugs (RESPONSIBLY) learn to play poker fly a kite
i have a friend who lost his little 12 year old brother to a very terrible illness that he could not get rid of. this kid wanted nothing more then to live his life.. But he didnt get a choice. he died at the young age of 12.
it makes me sick to see people thinking about throwing away what this 12 year old boy wanted so badly but couldnt have.
you got alot of fucking balls. YOU think your life is soo fucking shitty well Get the fuck over it kid because your living the fucking good life if all you can complain about is being UGLY and LONELY well Listen the fuck up YOU STILL GOT PARENTS THAT LOVE YOU. YOU GOT YOUR HEALTH . YOU HAVE YOUR YOUTH. IF YOUR POSTING ON TL.NET YOU HAVE MORE MONEY THEN 99% OF THE FUCKING WORLD. YOU HAVE AN EDUCATION. YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO PURSUE DREAMS AND ASPIRATIONS. YOU HAVE THAT OPTION ACCESIBLE TO YOU THAT MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF OTHER KIDS ONLY DREAM ABOUT.
you have a whole fucking lot more then A WHOLE lot of other people in this world. And your thinking about throwing it out cause you used to get teased for being ugly.
This kid doesnt need a fucking friend. this kid needs to go live in a 3rd world country for a year and drink water from mud puddles and scavenge for food in the trash and live in a fucking box without his family because they where all Murdered.
you know what that 12 year old boy was so worried about spending what little time he had left to making his parents happy by hiding the pain that he felt everyday so that his parents would not have to suffer watching him. he made the best out of a terrible tragic situation.
Whats your fucking excuse? your ugly and lonely.
Life is what you make of it. If you wake up tomorrow and tell yourself im gonna make my life better. Then it will happen.
If you're 19 you're just out of high school, so I suggest you try going to the army for your mandatory 1 year service. It'll help you get that sorely missed self-confidence.
start working out - you don't have to look huge, just start pumping a little iron here or there
get a membership to a gym maybe
Working out releases endorphines and will help you over your depression, i think
or take up drugs or at least find a hobby
just don't kill yourself - one of my mom's friend sons killed himself a few years ago. It crushed her, and although she looks happy now, you can tell she never fully recovered
i'm dead serious about working out though, i feel high as hell after i work out
On March 26 2007 13:49 Coagulation wrote: i will start off by saying there are plenty of ways to gain happiness learn to play guitar paint a picture plant a tree write a poetry book keep a journal (NOT A BLOG) go to the zoo start a garden go hiking in the wilderness rescue a puppy or kitten from a shelter go get a tattoo go to the beach and watch sunset/sunrise learn how to cook exotic foods / eat them Exercise work out run till you cant anymore learn about religions go to different churches go find some flowers for your mom give them to her play catch with your dad go fishing go to a sporting event get involved with charity work make a website go get a massage go swimming go skiing Go Bird watching Get a guide and a checklist and some binoculars Plan / Save money for a vacation on other side of world get a telescope and chart the skys name a star after yourself donate some time to helping improve quality of life for sick children/old people go to the library and READ READ READ READ get a counselor or therapist and talk about life make a photo album collect something (stamps bottlecaps Cards Comics Rocks Music) try to make it huge get a hobby Miniture train sets Model airplanes remote control airplanes rockets diaramas go white water rafting volunteer as a big brother ( you cant change ur childhood But you can change someone elses who is having the same problems as you did) go feed the ducks / squirrels write a book write a song experiment with drugs (RESPONSIBLY) learn to play poker fly a kite
i have a friend who lost his little 12 year old brother to a very terrible illness that he could not get rid of. this kid wanted nothing more then to live his life.. But he didnt get a choice. he died at the young age of 12.
it makes me sick to see people thinking about throwing away what this 12 year old boy wanted so badly but couldnt have.
you got alot of fucking balls. YOU think your life is soo fucking shitty well Get the fuck over it kid because your living the fucking good life if all you can complain about is being UGLY and LONELY well Listen the fuck up YOU STILL GOT PARENTS THAT LOVE YOU. YOU GOT YOUR HEALTH . YOU HAVE YOUR YOUTH. IF YOUR POSTING ON TL.NET YOU HAVE MORE MONEY THEN 99% OF THE FUCKING WORLD. YOU HAVE AN EDUCATION. YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO PURSUE DREAMS AND ASPIRATIONS. YOU HAVE THAT OPTION ACCESIBLE TO YOU THAT MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF OTHER KIDS ONLY DREAM ABOUT.
you have a whole fucking lot more then A WHOLE lot of other people in this world. And your thinking about throwing it out cause you used to get teased for being ugly.
This kid doesnt need a fucking friend. this kid needs to go live in a 3rd world country for a year and drink water from mud puddles and scavenge for food in the trash and live in a fucking box without his family because they where all Murdered.
you know what that 12 year old boy was so worried about spending what little time he had left to making his parents happy by hiding the pain that he felt everyday so that his parents would not have to suffer watching him. he made the best out of a terrible tragic situation.
Whats your fucking excuse? your ugly and lonely.
Life is what you make of it. If you wake up tomorrow and tell yourself im gonna make my life better. Then it will happen.
When I first read your post I was very touched. VERY. And I'm sure a lot of people who'd responded here were. You write beautifully, and most astonishing of all is that it's not even your native tongue. I am having a hard time imagining someone who can communicate and express himself so well find himself worthless. Look at all the people who had responded. You have to know that for a moment (long or short as it may be) you'd touched someone, and that it'd touch them so much that they felt they had to step out and let you know it, let you know you are liked, and that they care, and they don't want you to do anything harmful to yourself. May we be strangers in real life, under all these physical disguise the fact is we wouldn't want to see anything bad happen to you.
I've recently lost my precious little girl (pet). She passed on March 6, and let me tell you, it hurts. It hurts. It hurts so much that no matter how I try to look at it, whether she's in heaven or not, it still hurts (but I believe she is though, ) What you have to understand is that your parents' love for you will only be 1000x greater than mine to my little girl. Imagine how happy they must have been when you were handed to them in the delivery room. The joy, the happiness, how much meaning you'd bring to their lives. How can you take that away from them??? How can you?
A lot of people had said that things will pick up. They say that because it will. Like someone who'd brought this up before, you're in no condition yet to be asking for new friends/girls, try to just do things you're good at (like writing, or playing SC?) and feel good about yourself. When you feel good about yourself and not worry about the petty little things that don't even matter, people will be drawn towards you. You'll find love when you're NOT asking for it. That I can guarantee you.
On March 26 2007 14:03 xM(Z wrote: curse me, hit me, blame me, lie to me, ...live for me; i'll be your weakness; i'm worthy
Sometimes wierd people are weird.
haha true; but he does not need reasons not to do it; he never would have done it; all he needs is someone/somebody to comfort his loneliness (works best if it's in real life) or someone to blame (for the bad shit that hapened to him)
I'm practical. I know a lot of what people have been saying are more of a feeling of the self than anything you can use. You're having problems telling yourself what is right and wrong, and what to do next. I understand, believe me.
First, go to the park on a warm day, just lie there on the grass look up to the sky and try to take it all in. It's important to take the focus off of what's making you sad right now for a bit.
When you feel better, make yourself a pledge: "I'll do [a few things for myself]. Make sure to do it right away as feelings can go haywire b/w days. Love is what everybody wants and believe me, very few people even know the meaning of. Forget love a sec, game less (escapism only makes it worse), sleep normal hours, eat real food, hot shower in the morning, and most importantly, tell yourself that you're better off without her and that you want to fuck her friend. I can see that you're not at a point where you're angry by the way you've been treated, you're still feeling sorry cus you think you deserved it all. FUCK THAT! Get ANGRY, go run 5 miles, let the pent-up energy out mothafucka! You don't want love, what you really want is self-respect.
Next, you'll need a change of scenery. I'd suggest looking into a job on a cruise ship (so you can get away for 6 month at a time and just work your ass off), go for a ride-along with paramedics (so you can see how life sucks in a lot of ways), whatever you think is cool - cool is the important part and you'll feel that you're doing something new and useful.
Get a pet if you can; dogs are the best cus when you feel down, guess what, they're down too. Now that's men's best friend.
Take it from there. If you actually do all these things I've said and still want to kill yourself, that's fine too. Your life is what you make of it - even if you kill yourself. Die spectacularly. Just remember to go off to somewhere far and carry nothing that'd id you. Don't let your family worry. But definitely promise yourself to do these things first
On March 26 2007 14:03 xM(Z wrote: curse me, hit me, blame me, lie to me, ...live for me; i'll be your weakness; i'm worthy
Sometimes wierd people are weird.
haha true; but he does not need reasons not to do it; he never would have done it; all he needs is someone/somebody to comfort his loneliness (works best if it's in real life) or someone to blame (for the bad shit that hapened to him)
Yes I need someone to "comfort" me. I don't mind being lonely in particular, I mind not being worth anything. I am absolutely worthless to other people. I could live with one person and just that if I knew I was everything to that person.
I don't want to blame anybody. It's no one's fault, and if it is somebody's fault, it's mine and mine alone. I know how people are in high school, I know people get picked on and trashed. What bothers me is a feeling of not being worth anybody's attention or love. I don't feel any hate or anger, just sorrow.
On March 26 2007 14:06 jtan wrote: 19....
In some time, you'll probably have a new girl and you will ask yourself how you could have been so mad as to almost kill yourself.
Yes, I have heard it a few times - and as the one below says, I will lose her and again feel this desperation. I'm not sure if it's a girlfriend I need. I think I need a few REALLY close friends who "love" me. I really really need to mean something, if you get what I mean.
In some time, you'll probably have a new girl and you will ask yourself how you could have been so mad as to almost kill yourself.
Then that girl will leave him and he'll make another tl to get more attention.
I can't understand how you can write something like that - have you read any of my replies? I didn't make this topic to get attention. I don't know anybody of you in real life, no one. I appreciate all the advice and help I have gotten in this topic a lot, as it has helped me quite a bit - and I have decided upon a course, however temporary, which my life will take based upon all this advice. I was too sick, tired and sad to think for myself. Again, attention is not what I seek. Please understand and respect that.
On March 26 2007 15:27 PissedOffEmo wrote: Thing is, if its close friends that you need we can't give that to you here...you'll have to start calling up some people you know from your highschool and just do some catching up. ex go for lunch, coffee or whatever.
I know - but when I created this topic I didn't know what to do, didn't know what I needed to keep myself going. My only two wishes were to outlive my parents so they wouldn't have to suffer my suicide and to die. Thanks to all this advice I think I know I need closer friends, but I still do not know IF I mean anything to anybody - I will try to find out, with a psychologist or somebody else. I'll try. If nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, works and I really cannot find anything to live for, any desire, I think I will have to carry through with the suicide. But again, it's a consideration and a process I'm still going through.
Coagulation, I don't know if you understand. I mean I see your point, but it's missing the mark. Material problems doesn't bother me - I'd be happy to live in a mudpool with HIV, AIDS and cancer altogether if I only had one single person I meant everything to. One person I had met and who loved me for who I am. One single person who would do everything for me. But no one, no one will ever be like that. And it hurts me.
On March 26 2007 15:33 gg_hertzz wrote: Go to Korea or Japan where you will be appreciated. You're a white from a European country yes?
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Actually that is my serious advice. If you feel that you're not appreciated in Norway, and may not be appreciated elsewhere, maybe you can try at being an English teacher in Japan or Korea or one of the other Asian countries. There is a high demand for caucasian english teachers, and asian girls adore white guys regardless of what they look like. I think there are some people on this board who can vouch for me.
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Many people have depression for differents kind of reasons, some are due to chemical imbalances and others are just in some need of rewiring in the brain. IMHO you seem to lack direction, and that's it. You need to focus your life on something else or choose a different perspective by which you guide your life. Don't get bogged down on ideals because ideals are almost always unattainable.
I'm white, yes. I don't want to be loved because the way I look, or because I'm cute or whatever. I want to be loved for who I am, the person. But I feel like I don't. My ideals are my weak side I agree. I believe I expect too much from people I know, expected too much from my girlfriend. It just doesn't keep together, and it sure is part reason of what's breaking me down.
On March 26 2007 15:47 Coagulation wrote: you gotta learn to love yourself first.
This is impossible for me, at the moment at least. I can like myself when I know I mean something to somebody, but I don't. Being as worthless as I am, I cannot hope to like and much less love myself. I loved and liked myself to a degree when I had my girlfriend. Now I don't. I didn't before.
Thing is, if its close friends that you need we can't give that to you here...you'll have to start calling up some people you know from your highschool and just do some catching up. ex go for lunch, coffee or whatever.
On March 26 2007 13:40 Bearwoman wrote: give your life to loving your parents and working to look after them (eg. financially, emotionally, etc. support them when they get older) - like the above verse says, 11Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
It sickens me when religious people prey on someone when they are sad, lonely, weak and vulnerable. Everyone has a right to their own faith but this is not a good time to break out the bible and bible quotes. I dont want to flame but felt like I hade to say this.
On March 26 2007 13:42 travis wrote: most train engineers who have alot of experience in their line of work actually have had counseling because almost all of them have had to deal with the train killing 1 or more people
My dad is an train engineer and I know a few of his friends who had this experience. I cant imagine what it's like. My dad has seen people walking along the track clearly there to commit suicide, but he has not hit anyone so far.
Go to Korea or Japan where you will be appreciated. You're a white from a European country yes?
---------------------------
Actually that is my serious advice. If you feel that you're not appreciated in Norway, and may not be appreciated elsewhere, maybe you can try at being an English teacher in Japan or Korea or one of the other Asian countries. There is a high demand for caucasian english teachers, and asian girls adore white guys regardless of what they look like. I think there are some people on this board who can vouch for me.
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Many people have depression for differents kind of reasons, some are due to chemical imbalances and others are just in some need of rewiring in the brain. IMHO you seem to lack direction, and that's it. You need to focus your life on something else or choose a different perspective by which you guide your life. Don't get bogged down on ideals because ideals are almost always unattainable.
On March 26 2007 15:33 gg_hertzz wrote: Go to Korea or Japan where you will be appreciated. You're a white from a European country yes?
---------------------------
Actually that is my serious advice. If you feel that you're not appreciated in Norway, and may not be appreciated elsewhere, maybe you can try at being an English teacher in Japan or Korea or one of the other Asian countries. There is a high demand for caucasian english teachers, and asian girls adore white guys regardless of what they look like. I think there are some people on this board who can vouch for me.
Teaching English over seas is one way to get a change of scenery, but you don't go there to "get love." That's the stupidest dorkiest reason I've ever heard. People will treat you based on the way you carry yourself. If you're desperate, work on that, don't go off thinking some "promise land" will save you. It's just another escape.
On March 26 2007 15:33 gg_hertzz wrote: Go to Korea or Japan where you will be appreciated. You're a white from a European country yes?
---------------------------
Actually that is my serious advice. If you feel that you're not appreciated in Norway, and may not be appreciated elsewhere, maybe you can try at being an English teacher in Japan or Korea or one of the other Asian countries. There is a high demand for caucasian english teachers, and asian girls adore white guys regardless of what they look like. I think there are some people on this board who can vouch for me.
Teaching English over seas is one way to get a change of scenery, but you don't go there to "get love." That's the stupidest dorkiest reason I've ever heard. People will treat you based on the way you carry yourself. If you're desperate, work on that, don't go off thinking some "promise land" will save you. It's just another escape.
'English Teacher' has a totally different connotation in Korea and Japan.
And as 'dorky' as it may sound, I think it would work well for a white guy who is down and out on himself. Basically, if you feel undervalued in your own country, go teach English in Korea/Japan.
[url blocked] you don't NEED anyone but yourself. find a reason to live; find a passion, it may not be easy, but once you find it you'll never want to let it go to be healthy mentally, being healthy physically first is a good idea, so start exercising and eat good food. I suggest you read some books like Miyamoto Mushashi's Book of Five Rings and watch some inspirational movies http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=51178 (but stay away from the love story stuff though.... reason is pretty obvious ~_~) also, try taking a day off to walk around outside, and take a random bus somewhere, and observe your surroundings. Think about all the people around you leading their own lives and how each and everyone of them had their share of hard times, appreciate the nature , in the cities just walk around to different stores, listen to some uplifting music, etc. and at the end of the day when you're laying in your bed, think of what you really want to achieve and become ^_^
'English Teacher' has a totally different connotation in Korea and Japan.
And as 'dorky' as it may sound, I think it would work well for a white guy who is down and out on himself. Basically, if you feel undervalued in your own country, go teach English in Korea/Japan.
First, you need a bachelor for that in the US. I don't know how they do it in Norway but I imagine something similar.
Second, people are people are people. Think they'll treat you different cus of your skin? They might at first out of curiosity, but it won't last. It just takes someone of a different culture slightly longer to figure you out. In the meantime you're in another country, don't speak a word of the native language, and a gaijin - imagine how lonely you'll be.
Deal with your problems here and now. Slowly is fine, but take real steps instead of escaping and hoping someone/something somewhere will save you.
as i see it: if you're not worthy of yourself your are unworthy in everyone's eyes; everything must come from within for it to be real, to have a meaning; if everything that u are is only a reflection, in you, of the world arround, you died along time ago; fuck the world, it's all about you; lead, and the world will follow; try, and you'll be worthy; hope, and you'll be loved; dream, and you'll live forever.
As long as you don't suicide anyone else, it's all good. Breaking up with a gf? Big deal. You just said things have gotten better since then. So, if you still have low self-esteem, you have two choises:
1) Play poker, get rich, get girls. If it doesn't work, use that money to get plastic surgery 2) Kill self.
As for the second choise, you've already considered it. I think if you wanna go, don't you wanna make it as interesting as possible? I mean going in front of a train hardly gives you an adrenaline rush. Jump off a mountain or a tall building. At least you know that you flew! Some people just say they will some day (Brandi <3). Or travel to australia and get eaten by an crocodile. Hijack an airplane and crash it in a building!
Or think of something more creative. Break your neck while trying to suck your own schlong. That'd be pretty strong.
TIME TO QUIT WALLOWING IN SELF-PITY AND CHANGE THE THINGS FOR YOURSELF FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, THERE'S ENOUGH TEEN ANGST ALREADY IN THE WORLD.
If you don't read anything else, read the bolded part!
WE CREATE OUR OWN DREAMS! WE SHAPE DESTINY!
Obviously the ones you'll hurt will be the ones close to you, why would you care? Especially if you don't believe in something silly like afterlife.
If you still wish to kill yourself, be at least creative, you only get to do it once and it might as well be entertaining for us too.
On March 26 2007 15:24 Ethenielle wrote: I'll reply a little.
Yes I need someone to "comfort" me. I don't mind being lonely in particular, I mind not being worth anything. I am absolutely worthless to other people. I could live with one person and just that if I knew I was everything to that person.
In some time, you'll probably have a new girl and you will ask yourself how you could have been so mad as to almost kill yourself.
Yes, I have heard it a few times - and as the one below says, I will lose her and again feel this desperation. I'm not sure if it's a girlfriend I need. I think I need a few REALLY close friends who "love" me. I really really need to mean something, if you get what I mean.
On March 26 2007 15:27 PissedOffEmo wrote: Thing is, if its close friends that you need we can't give that to you here...you'll have to start calling up some people you know from your highschool and just do some catching up. ex go for lunch, coffee or whatever.
I know - but when I created this topic I didn't know what to do, didn't know what I needed to keep myself going. My only two wishes were to outlive my parents so they wouldn't have to suffer my suicide and to die. Thanks to all this advice I think I know I need closer friends, but I still do not know IF I mean anything to anybody - I will try to find out, with a psychologist or somebody else. I'll try. If nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, works and I really cannot find anything to live for, any desire, I think I will have to carry through with the suicide. But again, it's a consideration and a process I'm still going through.
Coagulation, I don't know if you understand. I mean I see your point, but it's missing the mark. Material problems doesn't bother me - I'd be happy to live in a mudpool with HIV, AIDS and cancer altogether if I only had one single person I meant everything to. One person I had met and who loved me for who I am. One single person who would do everything for me. But no one, no one will ever be like that. And it hurts me.
I'm white, yes. I don't want to be loved because the way I look, or because I'm cute or whatever. I want to be loved for who I am, the person. But I feel like I don't. My ideals are my weak side I agree. I believe I expect too much from people I know, expected too much from my girlfriend. It just doesn't keep together, and it sure is part reason of what's breaking me down.
On March 26 2007 15:47 Coagulation wrote: you gotta learn to love yourself first.
This is impossible for me, at the moment at least. I can like myself when I know I mean something to somebody, but I don't. Being as worthless as I am, I cannot hope to like and much less love myself. I loved and liked myself to a degree when I had my girlfriend. Now I don't. I didn't before.
In response to all of these...you are EVERYTHING to somebody, two people actually. YOUR PARENTS. You do mean everything to them.
You're the sperm that made it to the egg. By some miracle of the universe you outswam those millions upon millions of other squiggly bastards. Are you gonna let some dumb bitch dumping you prevent you from experiancing life? You're 19 years old. You're just at the start man, you can do whatever the fuck you want to do with life. Life is what YOU make it.
On March 26 2007 16:20 Ryan307 wrote: You're the sperm that made it to the egg. By some miracle of the universe you outswam those millions upon millions of other squiggly bastards. Are you gonna let some dumb bitch dumping you prevent you from experiancing life? You're 19 years old. You're just at the start man, you can do whatever the fuck you want to do with life. Life is what YOU make it.
On March 26 2007 16:20 Ryan307 wrote: You're the sperm that made it to the egg. By some miracle of the universe you outswam those millions upon millions of other squiggly bastards. Are you gonna let some dumb bitch dumping you prevent you from experiancing life? You're 19 years old. You're just at the start man, you can do whatever the fuck you want to do with life. Life is what YOU make it.
On March 26 2007 16:10 Muhweli wrote: As long as you don't suicide anyone else, it's all good. Breaking up with a gf? Big deal. You just said things have gotten better since then. So, if you still have low self-esteem, you have two choises:
1) Play poker, get rich, get girls. If it doesn't work, use that money to get plastic surgery 2) Kill self.
As for the second choise, you've already considered it. I think if you wanna go, don't you wanna make it as interesting as possible? I mean going in front of a train hardly gives you an adrenaline rush. Jump off a mountain or a tall building. At least you know that you flew! Some people just say they will some day (Brandi <3). Or travel to australia and get eaten by an crocodile. Hijack an airplane and crash it in a building!
Or think of something more creative. Break your neck while trying to suck your own schlong. That'd be pretty strong.
TIME TO QUIT WALLOWING IN SELF-PITY AND CHANGE THE THINGS FOR YOURSELF FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, THERE'S ENOUGH TEEN ANGST ALREADY IN THE WORLD.
If you don't read anything else, read the bolded part!
WE CREATE OUR OWN DREAMS! WE SHAPE DESTINY!
Obviously the ones you'll hurt will be the ones close to you, why would you care? Especially if you don't believe in something silly like afterlife.
If you still wish to kill yourself, be at least creative, you only get to do it once and it might as well be entertaining for us too.
I haven't read it all cause I'm sleepy, but if you are emotionally unstable, playing poker sounds bad.
What I mean is, say you play, then lose money, and you are already feeling suicidal? That's not good.
Ok read the rest of the post.
Anyway, I wish I had something wise to say but I honestly, I don't think I'm qualified to say much beyond 'dont kill yourself' which feels a bit inadequate ><
It's not only her, as I have said before, it's her breaking up with me causing some sort of release of pain that's been inside me since I was a little kid and was treated like shit. I guess I'm repeating myself, but I don't mean anything to anybody, and that's what hurts.
And I do in fact need somebody else than myself. I'm not something to live for. I really, really want to be loved and be able to show my love back. To be appreciated. And no, I'm not.
As for my parents loving me, it's entirely different. They are bound to love me from when I was born, and no matter what I do they will still love me. I want to meet somebody and be loved by them because I have meant something to them, I have been a person they wish to give their life for, and they wish to love. Unfortunately for me, and again a reason for my thoughts and attempt at suicide, I feel like I am nothing to anyone, and that not one single person save those two really do love me.
I don't know if you're serious Muhweli, but I can't really take you seriously. I don't have any desire to live, why ever would I want to make my death interesting? I want it to be as quick as painless as possible when it comes. As for your comment about afterlife et cetera, I care because I don't wish to hurt my parents. I may be egoistic in taking my own life and even considering it, but the fact that I will hurt them is the only, only thing holding me back from death right now.
life is hard some times, we all have had up's and down's or maybe even hit the bottom floor(like urself) .. but guess what there is only one way to go now..UP!
anyways life is to important to give up on~ live life and love life~
I think the 3rd world country example misses the point a bit. How shitty your life truly is, and how shitty you feel about it are two very different things. A fucked up mental state is no less serious condition than a physical disability.
To original poster, I felt exactly this way, worthless an unneeded, since, I think, around 16. Then I met a girl who became my only reason to live. We've been together for 1.5 years, and then she just left. She moved to study in another city, she just told me that she felt it was the right thing for her to do at that time. I felt shocked, heartbroken and devastated, since I really believed that I meant a lot for her... And she didn't even want to stay in touch, because that would be "too painful", since we couldn't really be together! I almost quit studying myself, I wasn't able to eat anything for a week after that conversation, I stopped spending time with my friends. I couldn't understand why I need all this, if the only thing I believed in, my guiding light, my ultimate purpose of life suddenly disappeared. Obviously my self-esteem dropped to absolute zero, and yes, I really wished to die.
But.. my parents were having their own troubles at that time, they almost divorced, and I have a brother who is much younger, so even if I thought of suicide, I quickly threw those thoughts away, because I felt that each one of my relatives drew strength in me. I felt that not only suicide, but even giving up my study would be nothing else than betrayal, especially if something happened to my parents and I would have had to take care of my brother. I've been in this state for a year, or even more, hating my life and myself but still living it and doing what I felt I had to.
Then, out of nowhere, I accidentally met another girl. I could not understand what she could possibly see in me back then, but.. she somehow cared. Turned out that she was in a similar state, and so we understood each other well. She fixed everything in my life, I fixed everything in hers. I felt like living again.
But... you know what was the funniest thing? After THREE YEARS of not sharing a word, that first girl somehow found me (I moved to another country as well) and told me that the thing she did was the silliest decision in her life, that she finally understood that I was such a special person for her, that she desperately needed to talk to me and so on. Wait, mustn't that mean that my life was fucked up not because I was so worthless, but because she was selfish and silly?
If you believe me now that I felt much like you, I want to tell you this. Never ever even think about killing yourself. Drive this thought away like a nasty cockroach. If you don't want to live for yourself now, grit your teeth and live for your parents, because you have to, because you are the most important thing in their lives. If you kill yourself, you betray, you backstab them. Just live on. Now you feel bad, but it will absolutely get better in time. You will meet someone else, no matter how absurd this sounds to you now, and your confidence will get back to you. Really.
On March 26 2007 16:31 Ethenielle wrote: It's not only her, as I have said before, it's her breaking up with me causing some sort of release of pain that's been inside me since I was a little kid and was treated like shit. I guess I'm repeating myself, but I don't mean anything to anybody, and that's what hurts.
And I do in fact need somebody else than myself. I'm not something to live for. I really, really want to be loved and be able to show my love back. To be appreciated. And no, I'm not.
As for my parents loving me, it's entirely different. They are bound to love me from when I was born, and no matter what I do they will still love me. I want to meet somebody and be loved by them because I have meant something to them, I have been a person they wish to give their life for, and they wish to love. Unfortunately for me, and again a reason for my thoughts and attempt at suicide, I feel like I am nothing to anyone, and that not one single person save those two really do love me.
I don't know if you're serious Muhweli, but I can't really take you seriously. I don't have any desire to live, why ever would I want to make my death interesting? I want it to be as quick as painless as possible when it comes. As for your comment about afterlife et cetera, I care because I don't wish to hurt my parents. I may be egoistic in taking my own life and even considering it, but the fact that I will hurt them is the only, only thing holding me back from death right now.
All of the qualities which cause people to love you are qualities that are pretty much out of your control. The way you look (ok you can control that a bit), your personality, how nice you are, your wit...you may think you control these things but ultimately you don't. You have what you have.
Girls will love you for reasons out of your and their power....just as your parents love you innately.
Bro, it sounds corny and stupid. But who the fuck would want to be with someone who doesn't even want to be with themself? Go to the gym, eat healthy, start respecting yourself and stop bieng so goddamn pessimistic. Get fresh air and lots of sunlight (sunlight = bombdiggity when you're feelin' down). Start appreciating your life. The more you appreciate yourself the more other people appreciate you. It's a two way street man. It sounds dumb but love yourself and other people will love you.
And do not think that finding someone is going to make everything better. If you still hate yourself and only live because someone else loves you, that person becomes your crutch for living... Which is obviously just setting yourself up for failure.
I can't say it enough, and I know it's alot easier said then done, but LOVE YOURSELF. RESPECT YOURSELF. TAKE PRIDE IN YOUR ACTIONS. Happyness will follow, I promise.
you need to find another way to boost your self esteem besides being "too noble to kill yourself, you know, because of your parents"
There are times in life where you need to just shut the fuck up and deal with things. This is one of those times, so shut the fuck up. You aren't gonna kill yourself. If you actually planned to kill yourself you'd just fucking do it instead of making a thread so that everyone can tell you how wonderful you are and "save you".
You need to take a long, hard look at yourself and what you do, and figure out what is it that makes people unwilling to hang out with you. Don't say "I'm just worthless is all" or "I'm too ugly to get a girlfriend" because those are fucking cop-outs, and you use them because despite all this bullshit you're too proud and too set in your stupid "moral code" to admit that maybe there are things you could work on.
The only thing wrong with you is that you're a massive fucking dork with no social skills, but so are a lot of people at your age, so deal with it. You don't have to be a hermit and you don't have to do one of these pathetic 'cry for help' things. Just fucking relax.
suicide is never the best solution. u didn't come into this world by an accident, when the time comes you will like as all of us, if u are still alive then it must be for a good reason, most of the time it's up to you to find it. i drive on a bike in wrong direction in very narrow one-way street at night and live, next day dude drives on bike in the right direction around noon and gets smashed by a car - there is time and place for everything, many ppl had hard times, for example Oprah (if stories are true) and look at her now, she found herself.
mantoss would tough it up and man it out. You did have a girlfriend, there's nothing preventing you from getting one in the future. Rek's general advice is pretty decent in this situation - don't get hung up over a girl or other people.
Find something you really enjoy doing. Pursue it. Likely there are people who share similar passion as you, and you can get friends from that :D
But offing yourself? Really not the right thing to do in any case.
On March 26 2007 16:31 Ethenielle wrote: It's not only her, as I have said before, it's her breaking up with me causing some sort of release of pain that's been inside me since I was a little kid and was treated like shit. I guess I'm repeating myself, but I don't mean anything to anybody, and that's what hurts.
And I do in fact need somebody else than myself. I'm not something to live for. I really, really want to be loved and be able to show my love back. To be appreciated. And no, I'm not.
As for my parents loving me, it's entirely different. They are bound to love me from when I was born, and no matter what I do they will still love me. I want to meet somebody and be loved by them because I have meant something to them, I have been a person they wish to give their life for, and they wish to love. Unfortunately for me, and again a reason for my thoughts and attempt at suicide, I feel like I am nothing to anyone, and that not one single person save those two really do love me.
I don't know if you're serious Muhweli, but I can't really take you seriously. I don't have any desire to live, why ever would I want to make my death interesting? I want it to be as quick as painless as possible when it comes. As for your comment about afterlife et cetera, I care because I don't wish to hurt my parents. I may be egoistic in taking my own life and even considering it, but the fact that I will hurt them is the only, only thing holding me back from death right now.
All of the qualities which cause people to love you are qualities that are pretty much out of your control. The way you look (ok you can control that a bit), your personality, how nice you are, your wit...you may think you control these things but ultimately you don't. You have what you have.
Girls will love you for reasons out of your and their power....just as your parents love you innately.
Shut the fuck up already.
I don't see the point of your post. I don't know if you're right with values and if I can or can't control them, but that's beside the point, isn't it? I still wish to mean something to somebody and to be loved for what I am and "what I have". Girls will still love me in another way than my parents and that's the difference I'm pointing at. They may love me innately or not, but I want them to meet me from scratch, understand me and then love me from that. And yes I sound like a whiner(this entire topic has been one long whine, I guess), but the point still stands, I don't believe I mean anything to anybody regardless of innate love or not, I feel utterly worthless and incapable of being innately loved by someone else than my parents.
If you really do think I should shut the fuck up then please send me a PM and I will stop replying to this topic. Or close it, ban me - I don't really have a say, I guess. For now, I'll go to bed, see how the morning turns out. Thanks again to everyone for the replies, it helped me think through this in a way I couldn't have done alone. Thanks for all PMs, thanks a lot.
On March 26 2007 16:31 Ethenielle wrote: It's not only her, as I have said before, it's her breaking up with me causing some sort of release of pain that's been inside me since I was a little kid and was treated like shit. I guess I'm repeating myself, but I don't mean anything to anybody, and that's what hurts.
And I do in fact need somebody else than myself. I'm not something to live for. I really, really want to be loved and be able to show my love back. To be appreciated. And no, I'm not.
As for my parents loving me, it's entirely different. They are bound to love me from when I was born, and no matter what I do they will still love me. I want to meet somebody and be loved by them because I have meant something to them, I have been a person they wish to give their life for, and they wish to love. Unfortunately for me, and again a reason for my thoughts and attempt at suicide, I feel like I am nothing to anyone, and that not one single person save those two really do love me.
I don't know if you're serious Muhweli, but I can't really take you seriously. I don't have any desire to live, why ever would I want to make my death interesting? I want it to be as quick as painless as possible when it comes. As for your comment about afterlife et cetera, I care because I don't wish to hurt my parents. I may be egoistic in taking my own life and even considering it, but the fact that I will hurt them is the only, only thing holding me back from death right now.
All of the qualities which cause people to love you are qualities that are pretty much out of your control. The way you look (ok you can control that a bit), your personality, how nice you are, your wit...you may think you control these things but ultimately you don't. You have what you have.
Girls will love you for reasons out of your and their power....just as your parents love you innately.
Shut the fuck up already.
I don't see the point of your post. I don't know if you're right with values and if I can or can't control them, but that's beside the point, isn't it? I still wish to mean something to somebody and to be loved for what I am and "what I have". Girls will still love me in another way than my parents and that's the difference I'm pointing at. They may love me innately or not, but I want them to meet me from scratch, understand me and then love me from that. And yes I sound like a whiner(this entire topic has been one long whine, I guess), but the point still stands, I don't believe I mean anything to anybody regardless of innate love or not, I feel utterly worthless and incapable of being innately loved by someone else than my parents.
If you really do think I should shut the fuck up then please send me a PM and I will stop replying to this topic. Or close it, ban me - I don't really have a say, I guess. For now, I'll go to bed, see how the morning turns out. Thanks again to everyone for the replies, it helped me think through this in a way I couldn't have done alone. Thanks for all PMs, thanks a lot.
On March 26 2007 16:31 Ethenielle wrote: It's not only her, as I have said before, it's her breaking up with me causing some sort of release of pain that's been inside me since I was a little kid and was treated like shit. I guess I'm repeating myself, but I don't mean anything to anybody, and that's what hurts.
And I do in fact need somebody else than myself. I'm not something to live for. I really, really want to be loved and be able to show my love back. To be appreciated. And no, I'm not.
As for my parents loving me, it's entirely different. They are bound to love me from when I was born, and no matter what I do they will still love me. I want to meet somebody and be loved by them because I have meant something to them, I have been a person they wish to give their life for, and they wish to love. Unfortunately for me, and again a reason for my thoughts and attempt at suicide, I feel like I am nothing to anyone, and that not one single person save those two really do love me.
I don't know if you're serious Muhweli, but I can't really take you seriously. I don't have any desire to live, why ever would I want to make my death interesting? I want it to be as quick as painless as possible when it comes. As for your comment about afterlife et cetera, I care because I don't wish to hurt my parents. I may be egoistic in taking my own life and even considering it, but the fact that I will hurt them is the only, only thing holding me back from death right now.
All of the qualities which cause people to love you are qualities that are pretty much out of your control. The way you look (ok you can control that a bit), your personality, how nice you are, your wit...you may think you control these things but ultimately you don't. You have what you have.
Girls will love you for reasons out of your and their power....just as your parents love you innately.
Shut the fuck up already.
I don't see the point of your post. I don't know if you're right with values and if I can or can't control them, but that's beside the point, isn't it? I still wish to mean something to somebody and to be loved for what I am and "what I have". Girls will still love me in another way than my parents and that's the difference I'm pointing at. They may love me innately or not, but I want them to meet me from scratch, understand me and then love me from that. And yes I sound like a whiner(this entire topic has been one long whine, I guess), but the point still stands, I don't believe I mean anything to anybody regardless of innate love or not, I feel utterly worthless and incapable of being innately loved by someone else than my parents.
If you really do think I should shut the fuck up then please send me a PM and I will stop replying to this topic. Or close it, ban me - I don't really have a say, I guess. For now, I'll go to bed, see how the morning turns out. Thanks again to everyone for the replies, it helped me think through this in a way I couldn't have done alone. Thanks for all PMs, thanks a lot.
stop debating
stop questioning
stop reasoning
stop providing hypotheticals
stop arguing
Accept things for what they are and nothing more. Grab your life by the hair and ride it into the sunset or whatever the fuck terrible metaphor will get through to you.
Go to bed. Wake up tomorrow and go for a run. A long one. And never post in this thread again.
You have realized that your present life is terrible, now its time to be a man and do something about it.
I closed it. This guy got what he wanted, an inbox full of heartfelt PMs from strangers, but he really isn't listening to anything people are saying in the thread.
I mean really, the table tennis club just walked by my office... I should have taken a picture to show you what REAL ugly looks like.
I have very little sympathy for people who wallow in self-pity like this. If you are feeling like you have real issues, go talk to a trained professional. You can find one in your town, at your school, at a hospital, in a church... but go talk to somebody real. Take the advice of Fakesteve, his was probably the best post in this thread.
On March 26 2007 09:38 Ethenielle wrote: Let me start off by saying I'm feeling horrible. Absolutely, completely crushed beyond all recognition. Pick the worst moment of your life and amplify it a thousand times, there you got me. My "soul" is irreversibly smashed.
All life I've been a pretty ugly guy. When I was a kid in elementary(is this the first school you go to? I'm guessing, English isn't my native language) people used to ask me "so, are you a girl or a boy?" and stuff like that. I was pushed around and generally not liked by anyone in particular. So I got to High School(I'm guessing, again) and I got acne. Didn't make it any better, as people now ran around shouting at me and calling me ugly all the time. I was constantly harrassed 24/7, even on the internet I wasn't left alone.
Now I'm not so ugly anymore, and I've had a girlfriend for half a year or so. But, as it turns out, now she suddenly doesn't have any feelings for me anymore, so she broke up. And now, I'm completely alone again, with no real friends to speak of. No one's calling me to ask me out, no one wants to do anything with me. That's essentially why I now am considering and actually planning suicide, because I'm such a worthless piece of shit that no one likes. When I die, only my parents will mourn, my friends may shed a few tears and forget me in a couple of months. So as it turns out, I don't mean anything to anyone EXCEPT my parents, which is my current problem.
I'm feeling so bad I could kill myself without regret within the second if offered the opportunity. But, my parents. My mother thinks very highly of me and loves me a LOT. Really a lot. She's called the police couple of times before when she didn't know where I was for a couple of hours. And she may kill herself if I commit suicide, I don't really know. My father may protect her and keep her alive until the worst sorrow has gone, but I fear she may turn mad or something like that. Blame it all on herself. I really, really, really do not want to do this to my parents, but on the other hand I'm feeling so fucking terrible now I'm barely sleeping and not eating.
I'm thinking of committing suicide tomorrow morning, throw myself before a train. I think that's fairly painless and quick, which is what I want. But there is the problem with my parents, because I cannot do either. I can't stay alive because it hurts so much for me, but I can't kill myself because it hurts so much for them. So now I end up asking advice on teamliquid because I don't have anywhere else to go. I can't really tell anyone I know in real life, because they'd probably lock me up and tell me I'm mentally ill(well, that's true, but I'm not mad or anything, just insanely insanely low).
What should I do? What's the RIGHT thing? Is it very selfish to kill myself when I feel this pain all day and all night? Do you think my parents will get over it? Can my suicide be morally defended? I honestly don't know. I'm hoping for a few opinions and answers, whatever you can give. Also, feel free to joke away and flame me, at this point it really doesn't bother me at all. As long as you have your fun, it's all fine by me.
I am entering this thread late, but heres my advice anyways.
Times like this are pretty much unavoidable. Its all about identity. The choice is yours, but I'm telling you now that if you do manage to discover your identity you will find it almost impossible to be this depressed ever again.
So please, just try to figure out who you are. Not in relation to your parents, the expectations of others, your friends or any of that. Just who you are at the most basic level. What is your personality? Who are you?
On March 26 2007 15:31 Eatme wrote: It sickens me when religious people prey on someone when they are sad, lonely, weak and vulnerable. Everyone has a right to their own faith but this is not a good time to break out the bible and bible quotes. I dont want to flame but felt like I hade to say this.
Hey man the first thing you really need to do is talk to a friend. Like you are doing now. This feeling can pass by but you have make it. Talking to someone and just having some time of bond with anyone can help.
If you think thats not for you, even though you have to do that, you need to keep yourself busy. Be determined to make something of youself. You need to set yourself up a schedual and follow it religiously. If you always have something to do you begin to focus and look at positive things. Pick up running, join local chess clubs or what-not. You just have to be sure that you keep youself busy. Take up a new hobby that you wouldn't usually find. Focusing your energies on something besides youself is the only way you can get through this alone, even though you have us
My advice would be that you NEED to talk face to face with another human being. Not everyone out there is an asshole and as you can tell by the amount of posts coming back on this people care. Find somebody. If you can come to us with this go to a local doctor, or pretty much anywhere. Volunteer at an old folks home. No matter how rediculous it sounds old people are nice as hell and they are probably some of the wisest people you will ever meet. Keep youself busy man and know there are people there for you. And even if its your parents keeping you alive as of now, they will not get over this. My father once told me that his worst fear on the planet would be to bury one of his children. I believe this is the case for any parent.
1.) female name 2.) depressing enigma 3.) Articulate sense of writing. 4.) Plea for pity/help(?) 5.) Thread goes an excess of 10 pages?? O_o
But seriously ethenielle theres always someone with a much, much worse life than you do. If you were to commit suicide, sure, your family would give a big shit, but you'd be nothing but a footnote in the obituary, pointlessly discarding your life away for no apparent reason. (But hey, the world's overpopulated anyways right?) Now, if you spend your time trying to work your ass off and leveling your head, you'll learn from your "painful" experiences and exact yourself into whatever the fuck you want.
Yeah ninja delete, but well fuck... I mean am I just a heartless bastard? It just seems that this guy is arguing to die. These problems just dont seem life ending to me. I guess some people are just much more mentally fragile than others but still... I haven't seen anything in this thread that numerous other people haven't gone through.
Or just go to Korea and teach English. Korean girls deperate to learn dependant noun clauses will go apeshit over you.
On March 26 2007 18:18 Manifesto7 wrote: Or just go to Korea and teach English. Korean girls deperate to learn dependant noun clauses will go apeshit over you.
haha is this based on your own experiences in japan?
Yeah, and to add to that fact Mani....when white people first enter Korea they view Korean girls as much more beautiful than they actually are. Korean girls also view white dudes as more attractive than they actually are.
Two forces working in your favor.
Oh the amount of times I've seen a white dude walking around with a short fat ugly korean girl as if he scored a mother fucken trophy....
EDIT: IF YOU WANT PROOF -- not that it's a white guy but open up the closed EXALTED KOREA trip thread and view the picture of exalted + girl.
Edit Edit: I mean proof of the last sentence of this post.
Yeah but you are just jaded. I mean if you think of exactly how many women waiters have paraded in front of you at the clubs... youve SEEN half the female population of Seoul. For the average guy, you gotta take what you can get.
Im just happy that "husky" is sexy.
EDIT - no hot girl lets you take her picture in the club. Only the ugly ones that want to be remembered.
On March 26 2007 18:24 Manifesto7 wrote: Yeah but you are just jaded. I mean if you think of exactly how many women waiters have paraded in front of you at the clubs... youve SEEN half the female population of Seoul. For the average guy, you gotta take what you can get.
Im just happy that "husky" is sexy.
EDIT - no hot girl lets you take her picture in the club. Only the ugly ones that want to be remembered.
It's not my fault the only way bitches can make money in this male dominated culture is by working at a sexy bar.
Eh get ear plugs stand on the tracks when the train is pretty close and turn around facing away from the train. It'd be pretty terrifying but I bet it'd be easier than pulling a trigger.
I disagree. I saw a bird get hit by a car today and it was so sudden it didn't look like he realized it from what I saw. His face was like twisted and shit, neck bone snapped out, and a relatively peaceful expression on his face. And what..the nerves in your body won't recognize a damn thing if your head explodes.
I think the best way to kill yourself is putting your car in the garage, leaving the ignition on, close all the windows and doors, and gently fall asleep to the sound of a good mozart song. Or if you want to die a manly death, open a hole in your abdomen and take out your large intestines and choke yourself to death, but you would have to be on a decent amount of morphine to keep yourself aloof from the pain.
you honestly think i was serious? But yeah I think he can be capable of doing that. I mean probably isn't going to happen, but there is always a chance it might. I also don't think that anyone who is unable to enjoy life should go to Korea on his own. He will probably become socially isolated and feel even worse.
There is too much that makes life worth living that I don't see why anyone would even consider suicide. You see if you feel miserable and your parents die, you get incurable cancer and your legs got chopped off by a lawnmower I perfectly understand suicide. However if you feel lonely and friends aren't calling you to go out(duh) there is just no reason to suicide. No matter how you feel, you have gone through nothing.
Sorry to interrupt, but I just have to say that this:
On March 26 2007 15:52 doedrikthe2nd wrote: Only fucking cowards kill themselves.
is so incredibly fucking stupid. It's not correct with respect to anything. It's not correct objectively and certainly not correct subjectively. It doesn't pass for any kind of morality and the law doesn't give a shit about such a statement, nor does society. It could stand culturally, except culture doesn't stand on its own, but rather has to stand on something I already mentioned. Some fucking people... if you don't know what the fuck you're talking about, don't make a post.
I have to quote what I said a few hours ago. Hold on
[01:29] * RiNtArO has joined #teamliquid [01:41] <fanta[Rn]> where's cpt_selfpity? [01:42] <SayaSP> somewhere [01:43] <fanta[Rn]> somewhere where [01:45] * Rogue^ has joined #teamliquid [01:46] <Strafe> i once wante dto kill myself [01:46] <Strafe> I was on a date with a girl in thailand [01:46] * GuMs^275 has quit IRC (Quit) [01:46] <Strafe> and when we went to my hotel room [01:46] <Strafe> she asked me if it was okay [01:46] <Strafe> if she fucks me [01:46] <Strafe> so i said hell yeah [01:46] <Strafe> then she pulled out his penis [01:46] <Strafe> suicide moment [01:46] <fanta[Rn]> WTF [01:47] <fanta[Rn]> seriously? [01:50] * Muhweli has joined #teamliquid
On March 26 2007 19:05 {ToT}Strafe wrote: I have to quote what I said a few hours ago. Hold on
[01:29] * RiNtArO has joined #teamliquid [01:41] <fanta[Rn]> where's cpt_selfpity? [01:42] <SayaSP> somewhere [01:43] <fanta[Rn]> somewhere where [01:45] * Rogue^ has joined #teamliquid [01:46] <Strafe> i once wante dto kill myself [01:46] <Strafe> I was on a date with a girl in thailand [01:46] * GuMs^275 has quit IRC (Quit) [01:46] <Strafe> and when we went to my hotel room [01:46] <Strafe> she asked me if it was okay [01:46] <Strafe> if she fucks me [01:46] <Strafe> so i said hell yeah [01:46] <Strafe> then she pulled out his penis [01:46] <Strafe> suicide moment [01:46] <fanta[Rn]> WTF [01:47] <fanta[Rn]> seriously? [01:50] * Muhweli has joined #teamliquid
This is going to be great when this guy gets up tomorrow "Now lets see what suicide advice they had for me after i logged off". Then 3-4 pages of nonsense about strafes misadventures and Rekrul's drunkenness.
That car thing is a slow death anyway, how would turning a cars ignition on kill somebody. I'd be so scared trying to do some kind of slow death situation.
You really don't wanna kill yourself, you might freak out looking at the train coming at you and just stop which I hope you do. Slow death is even worse, I hope you chicken out and live the life that your parents gave you. Your parents spent alot of time and money on you, should you waste it like that? Think of the labor they went through and all the money, food, clothes, gas money (taking you places) are just some of it.
Well before I answer the question I want to know what you guys would have done. And please be honest then I will be honest as well. There is no shame in honesty.
Ill sketch the situation a bit first.
it was around 7 pm and my brother and I were taking a bite at some fancy restaurant. There was a cute waitress and I couldn't take my eyes off her. So anyway after a while my brother starts making small talk with the waitress and he got her to go out with him. So I was like wtf, and said do you have a girlfriend and she said yeah sure. So I told her it had to be a nice girlfriend and she said yes of course.
So around 11 pm that night we met up with the waitress and she had a stunning girlfriend with her(hehe girl friend) My brother said you lucky bastard I should have gone for the girlfriend instead. Oh little did he know(does I never told him shit) Anyway after a normal night of drinking and some clubbing I ask her to go to my hotel room. She was really reluctant and suddenly shy when I asked. After I joked some and gave her another drink and asked again she said okay. Oh my god this thai(girl) was like 175cm smoking hot body and nice face. Her ass was like drewl.
So we enter my hotel room, start making out. I was drunk and fucking horny by now. Then she told me she had a penis in not so very subtle way at the time I already dropped my pants. Okay at this point I thought WTF and ,.... WTF.
The question is how would you proceed from here? My options were, let her suck my cock and kick her out. Let her suck my cock fuck her and then kick her out.
or just kick her out and find myself a nice prostitute to release my hormones upon.
On March 26 2007 19:20 il0seonpurpose wrote: This isnt suppose to be a funny thread Rekrul.
That car thing is a slow death anyway, how would turning a cars ignition on kill somebody. I'd be so scared trying to do some kind of slow death situation.
You really don't wanna kill yourself, you might freak out looking at the train coming at you and just stop which I hope you do. Slow death is even worse, I hope you chicken out and live the life that your parents gave you. Your parents spent alot of time and money on you, should you waste it like that? Think of the labor they went through and all the money, food, clothes, gas money (taking you places) are just some of it.
we all go through a lot of labor spend a lot of money food clothes gas money in our lives and end up DEAD
any why can't this thread be funny? we all supposed to wallow in this emo's sadness? plenty of more worse off people to worry about over some kid who just got dumped by his first gf
On March 26 2007 19:20 {ToT}Strafe wrote: Well before I answer the question I want to know what you guys would have done. And please be honest then I will be honest as well. There is no shame in honesty.
Ill sketch the situation a bit first.
it was around 7 pm and my brother and I were taking a bite at some fancy restaurant. There was a cute waitress and I couldn't take my eyes off her. So anyway after a while my brother starts making small talk with the waitress and he got her to go out with him. So I was like wtf, and said do you have a girlfriend and she said yeah sure. So I told her it had to be a nice girlfriend and she said yes of course.
So around 11 pm that night we met up with the waitress and she had a stunning girlfriend with her(hehe girl friend) My brother said you lucky bastard I should have gone for the girlfriend instead. Oh little did he know(does I never told him shit) Anyway after a normal night of drinking and some clubbing I ask her to go to my hotel room. She was really reluctant and suddenly shy when I asked. After I joked some and gave her another drink and asked again she said okay. Oh my god this thai(girl) was like 175cm smoking hot body and nice face. Her ass was like drewl.
So we enter my hotel room, start making out. I was drunk and fucking horny by now. Then she told me she had a penis in not so very subtle way at the time I already dropped my pants. Okay at this point I thought WTF and ,.... WTF.
The question is how would you proceed from here? My options were, let her suck my cock and kick her out. Let her suck my cock fuck her and then kick her out.
or just kick her out and find myself a nice prostitute to release my hormones upon.
LMAO!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
I don't think I could get my dick sucked by something with a penis. Though I've heard they are the best at it.
If you were still horny after almost fucking a guy and kicking it out of your room...well then...just jerk off and call it a night. Don't risk another chick with a dick coming by calling a thai prostitute.
Suicide.. people will get sad... some people will.. then a few years later.. it's gone..
What is the point? It might even cause your parents to suicide over grief.. you want that too?
Let me tell you buddy... Don't live life in someone else's box.. Just live your life.. fuck the looks, the girls.. the friends..
I actually am closer to strangers and people I hate than friends.. When I have a love problem, I don't tell my friends that shit, I just meet people from wherever, talk to them for a bit and all that shit comes out..
I'm just saying, theres always always something out there.. A lot of new girls too... although some guys like to say.. "But she was so special to me.."
Guess what.. she MAY HAVE BEEN special.. but.. there are more than just 1 special girl out there..
There are a lot... so it's okay to feel sad.. but it's not okay to give up when you will always have time to move on.
This entire post is a generalization, some from my own personal life experiences, and without ever having read the OP.
If you dont successfully kill yourself the first time, you probably never will be and thats only because you dont really want to. Anything after that is just self pity and a waste of time. You're probably introverted. i mean come on, you're posting on -tlnet- about suicide. Stop being so god damn introverted, go out and find people to hang out with. If you can't get over your emo-teen years and come out realizing that there's nothing so awful in this life that isnt worth bearing just to wake up again tomorrow for the new day, you failed at something major. And upon that realization of failure, realize also that you're still not going to kill yourself, so you might as well learn it the hard way or become quite accustom to depression.
P.S. the friends thing is so you waste time doing shit and more importantly go out and socialize.
Posting about suicide so people will talk with you and about you is not a good agent of socialization.
arent their people out there who are trained professionals to make you feel better about your crappy life? I think a few are like, Maurie Pauvich and Jerry Springer.
and lol rek i read your idea about standing on the tracks. I want to try it for the experience. Now it just sounds like fun.
But really, im sure someone has suggested it,
one night, when you're about to go to sleep, go into the garage and fall asleep in the car with the windows down and the engine on. IMO thats the best way to go. If I ever am dying of AIDS, that will be my fate.
On March 26 2007 19:05 {ToT}Strafe wrote: I have to quote what I said a few hours ago. Hold on
[01:29] * RiNtArO has joined #teamliquid [01:41] <fanta[Rn]> where's cpt_selfpity? [01:42] <SayaSP> somewhere [01:43] <fanta[Rn]> somewhere where [01:45] * Rogue^ has joined #teamliquid [01:46] <Strafe> i once wante dto kill myself [01:46] <Strafe> I was on a date with a girl in thailand [01:46] * GuMs^275 has quit IRC (Quit) [01:46] <Strafe> and when we went to my hotel room [01:46] <Strafe> she asked me if it was okay [01:46] <Strafe> if she fucks me [01:46] <Strafe> so i said hell yeah [01:46] <Strafe> then she pulled out his penis [01:46] <Strafe> suicide moment [01:46] <fanta[Rn]> WTF [01:47] <fanta[Rn]> seriously? [01:50] * Muhweli has joined #teamliquid
On March 26 2007 19:34 BloodyC0bbler wrote: arent their people out there who are trained professionals to make you feel better about your crappy life? I think a few are like, Maurie Pauvich and Jerry Springer.
SOOO True. Maury makes people's lives so much better. Look at what he did for this young outstanding male.
I haven't really been in the situation you're in, but I can maybe offer a perspective that hasn't been touched on yet (didn't read every page, though): imagine how much better things are going to be for you when things inevitably DO start getting better - because you've hit such an all-time low. Just keep on keeping on, man. People get through this shit, I'm sure you will too.
On March 26 2007 19:34 BloodyC0bbler wrote: arent their people out there who are trained professionals to make you feel better about your crappy life? I think a few are like, Maurie Pauvich and Jerry Springer.
SOOO True. Maury makes people's lives so much better. Look at what he did for this young outstanding male.
You haven't told your brother, so I assume you got a BJ?
Nah nevermind that makes no sense...seems like u'd be in fucking shock, and if u did get the BJ you probably wouldn't be telling TL.net hte story ether.
No way man all the first born sons have to become priests and all the secondborn sons and thereafter have to become ladyboys to bring in money for the family
I didn't tell my brother cuz I kissed that bitch while he saw it. Do you know what implications it would have when he found out it had a penis? Fuck I'd be screwed. It will be the first story he tells to anyone he knows. I don't intend to become to ladyboy kisser. Anyway I was really like wtf for 5 minutes or so, dunno seemed long. Didn't know what to do hahaha. So then I was like euh sorry could you leave? In a polite way. It was only 4 am, so I went back out and hooked another girl, no prostitute.
sick I kissed a ladyboy, still didn't think of suicide. Now suck it ethenielle
Yar, I've been there. Highschool was pretty rough for me. At the end of 12th grade I hit a serious low point. My life was a lie, and I spent all my time pretending to be everything that other people wanted me to be. And it was horrible. My girlfriend and my best friend absolutely hated each other and I was constantly caught up in some shit caused by their bickering. Basically, my life was an utter mess, and I didn't see any point in going on. I planned to kill myself sometime over summer before heading to school.
For some reason or another, I didn't. Getting away from home was the best thing that ever happened to me. I learned a fucking ton about myself, made a million self-discoveries, and prospered at school. Only two years later my life is the complete opposite of what it was when I was 19. So yeah, hang in there. Change your surroundings and see what comes up. Things can always get better. Bottom line is that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Your problem is clearly psychological and you really should take up the counseling offer. I think a friend of mine is an inverted narcissist - perhaps you have something along those lines.
You appear intelligent, but nobody will give a shit unless you do something with it. Don't stress out your supportive parents, you're already lucky enough to have people like them. Most didn't have that luxury growing up.
Try to get some sort of hobby, when I was in high school, I was 14 - I ended up finding friends from playing Magic and Super Smash in school. Starcraft, obviously, is good too.
i hate alot of people on this forum, but i don't hate you, that should motivate you enough not to kill yourself, because obviously my opinion is superior :o
i hate when people say they're gonna commit suicide or attempt to commit suicide. obviously you're not because you would've done it. and you can't attempt to commit suicide and fail because thats not even close to what suicide is. this seems like a bullshit thread to me seeing how u have a smiling face for yoru mood. you're not sad just think of people who have it much worse than you in third world countries.
On March 26 2007 21:27 king_zork wrote: i hate when people say they're gonna commit suicide or attempt to commit suicide. obviously you're not because you would've done it. and you can't attempt to commit suicide and fail because thats not even close to what suicide is. this seems like a bullshit thread to me seeing how u have a smiling face for yoru mood. you're not sad just think of people who have it much worse than you in third world countries.
I hate when people disregard other's feelings with a line like "just think of how great you have it compared to __________". Shut the fuck up.
On March 26 2007 21:27 king_zork wrote: i hate when people say they're gonna commit suicide or attempt to commit suicide. obviously you're not because you would've done it. and you can't attempt to commit suicide and fail because thats not even close to what suicide is. this seems like a bullshit thread to me seeing how u have a smiling face for yoru mood. you're not sad just think of people who have it much worse than you in third world countries.
He's just trying to make himself feel better, don't be so harsh. Human need consoles and loves at times. And those times, you shall give them instead of scron.
Think about what you'd be throwing away - you still got like potentially another 100 years to do anything, you can't just call it quits. Hell, you may even save a couple people other than yourself by being here - so stay.
On March 26 2007 22:52 KrAzYfoOL wrote: another hundred years? isn't that pushing it a bit?
We're trying to give him reasons to live so allow a little artistic license here. I mean if he said "you've got another 12 years to live as you die, with your girlfriend of a year, in a car crash, completely childless and without leaving any legacy at all" then that'd hardly be encouraging.
ZOMG!!! If Ethenielle is who I think he is then I am so gonna rip on him over this. Dude. You should know better than to put a link to this thread in your profile. I mean come on, you know I frequent tl.net and you come in my channel? Oh jeez. Just commit suicide now because I am never gonna let this one go. Using such an obscure name on teamliquid has kept me from finding you up 'til now but you've given yourself away. I know this is in poor taste but I really can't not mock here. I have some history with Ethenielle.
that or whoever came into your channel found this thread hilarious. I have the original "NINJAS, THOUSANDS OF THEM" thread in my bnet profile. I am not IntoTheWow.
On March 26 2007 20:37 {ToT}Strafe wrote: I didn't tell my brother cuz I kissed that bitch while he saw it. Do you know what implications it would have when he found out it had a penis? Fuck I'd be screwed. It will be the first story he tells to anyone he knows. I don't intend to become to ladyboy kisser. Anyway I was really like wtf for 5 minutes or so, dunno seemed long. Didn't know what to do hahaha. So then I was like euh sorry could you leave? In a polite way. It was only 4 am, so I went back out and hooked another girl, no prostitute.
sick I kissed a ladyboy, still didn't think of suicide. Now suck it ethenielle
Strafe I'm hurt. You lied to me over msn I think our relationship has come to a cruel end.
i dont think i could be fooled by a man dressed as a woman. i mean, the face (jaw), the arms, hands, shoulders its all different. how can some1 think its a woman?
On March 26 2007 23:25 Kwark wrote: ZOMG!!! If Ethenielle is who I think he is then I am so gonna rip on him over this. Dude. You should know better than to put a link to this thread in your profile. I mean come on, you know I frequent tl.net and you come in my channel? Oh jeez. Just commit suicide now because I am never gonna let this one go. Using such an obscure name on teamliquid has kept me from finding you up 'til now but you've given yourself away. I know this is in poor taste but I really can't not mock here. I have some history with Ethenielle.
I dont want to sound rude but your message didnt seem of help to me. In fact I think you find this funny with your "jezz", "zomg" and "I really can't not mock here".
Get rid of all the bad people that surround you. This is one of the most important!. Then look for good people that look for good people like you. Try to be in peace and far away from the negative things. And think about those things that bother you a lot. I hope this helped you.
EPT
, I live in other end of the wet norway, close to Stavanger. If you wanna talk more PM and i give you my MSN
) to make the physical pain override my mental pain but it doesn't work much. I've tried everything to get my thoughts away, but nothing helps, and I don't know WHAT to do. Getting a job, meeting new people, it's not the thing I can do. I mean I know it worked for a lot of you, but not me. All I really need is to feel important for someone who's not my parents.![[image loading]](http://img251.imageshack.us/img251/5582/tlcopyvj0sl5.jpg)
.....But yea dont kill yourself listen to this...this is fromt he TL.net's emo person --![[image loading]](http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/images/strangle5.gif)
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you're not sad just think of people who have it much worse than you in third world countries.
