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On December 16 2003 04:39 sux2bme wrote:
This is not a quote, but it's funny...
How many Teamliquid.net forumers does it take to to screw in a light bulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been
changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the
light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light
bulbs
53 to flame the spell checkers
41 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ...
another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term
is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light
bulb" is perfectly correct
156 to email the moderators complaining that they are in violation of
their "acceptable use policy"
109 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please
take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
111 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light
bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where
to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for
this technique and what brands are faulty
27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the
corrected URL's
12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they
cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ
44 to ask what is a "FAQ"
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting
questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and
start it all over again
quite funny! :D
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I suppose it depends on if you like to macro or micro your lightbulbs.
Anyway, from the book cyptinomicon by neal stephenson,:
"When you ask a russian to invent a pair of shoes, they come up with something like the box they came in. But when it comes to something that kills germans, its like their Thomas Fucking Edison" - Bobby Shaftoe, A Marine in WW2 describing the wonders of russian araments.
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Maybe we should fake an own topic for funny cartman/southpark quotes 
Last week i saw the one where they all make fun of Token for being so rich.
Token: "Here, the Lion King DVD"
Kyle: "What, DVD? Noone here has a DVD Player, that's way too new and too expensive."
Stan: "Obviously not for his family"
Cartman: "I'll bring it to the Enteprise and ask Captain Kirk to decode it for me"
Probably not too funny when you read it but i was laughing my ass off when i saw it
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'Ralph how are the berries?'
'They taste like burning.'
Greatest-line-ever
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"im very close to boxer" - Vasmos
"hovz u faggot u probably live at home" - random newbie
"no i live not at home?" - Hovz
the ones in my sig
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"God told me I could either have a very long penis, or a very long memory, and to this day I still don't remember what I said."
- Me
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thats actually pretty funny there sliggy
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IRC quotes
<tatclass> YOU ALL SUCK DICK
<tatclass> er.
<tatclass> hi.
<andy\code> A common typo.
<tatclass> the keys are like right next to each other.
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say...
BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
BlackAdder> IN FACT
BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
BlackAdder> I DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right
<xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
<turno> I want to fuck Michelle's brains out with my huge fucking cock, over and over again .. and then her sister can come and join us too.
<Seeker> Err turno, your mom reads the quotes on bash.org?
<turno> I'll fucking KILL YOU! !
<Seeker> Your mom does work for the church ? If she reads what you just said she'd be pretty angry right?
<turno> Dude you have no fucking clue, don't seriously... you'd be ruining my life.
<Seeker> Don't worry, I won't post it.
[Privmsg] <Seeker> Hey dude, I'm gonna paste something - will you post it on bash.org?
[Privmsg] <opiate> the turno thing? haha you fucking bastard!!
[Privmsg] <Seeker> hehe his mom's gonna fucking kill him, drag him to that church they go to and get the priest to sodomise him.
[Privmsg] <opiate> yeah and then he's gonna come fucking kill us, still I reckon it's worth it;)
[Privmsg] <turno> You're not gonna post it are you ? Please don't .. I'm begging you.
[Privmsg] <Seeker> I'm not gonna post it and even if I did she'd never know that your nick turno was her son Michael Savu .
[Privmsg] <turno> *phew* spose you have a point
* ab is away - gone, if anyone talks in the next 25 minutes as me it's bm
being an asshole -
<ab> HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS
<AgentSmith> It seems you have been leading two lives, Mr. Anderson. In one life, you are Robert Anderson, assistant cook at a Jack in the Box in Mesquite....in the other...you go by the chat alias "Randerson"...spreading homosexual propoganda, lying, and being a generally immature pest...
<AgentSmith> One of these...has a future.
<Randerson> LMAO OMFG where's the phone, I have to tell Dean about this
<AgentSmith> How can you use the phone when you cannot...speak?
*** AgentSmith sets mode: +m
<Zanthis(ALE)> AFK, tornado
<ckx> women ask for it
<ckx> they act all old and mature
<ckx> and then you stick your cock up their ass
<ckx> and they get all bitchy
<ckx> "I"M ONLY 13, I'M ONLY 13!!!"
<superwoman> I had a boyfriend once that made me suck him off while I had a mouthful of beer.
<GrandCow> HAHAHAHA that was me bitch!
<superwoman> DANNY?!?!?!
<GrandCow> MOM?!?!?!?!
<Jeedo> hey baby, whats up?
<Indidge> umm....nothing?
<Jeedo> So....want me to like come over today so we can fuck?
<Indidge> Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter?
<Jeedo> Yes Mrs.Miller.. :-/
<studdud> what the fuck is wtf
<NES> lol
<NES> I download something from Napster
<NES> And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done
<NES> I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got that from you"
<NES> "getting my song back fucker"
<Sui88> 67% of girls are stupid
<V-girl> i belong with the other 13%
<FM{FF1}> Rizen: I thought you didn't bang chicks, only me.
<FM{FF1}> ...men.
<FM{FF1}> GOD THAT WAS A BAD TYPO.
<frank> can you help me install GTA3?
<knightmare> first, shut down all programs you aren't using
frank has quit IRC. (Quit)
<knightmare> ...
<reuben> somebody keeps jiggling the doorknob on my front door, then running away
<reuben> i don't know if i should call the police, or hook up some electricity to the doorknob
<cristobal> why don't you put ice on the stairs
<cristobal> and heat up the door knob
<cristobal> and swing paint buckets down from your two story foyer
<cristobal> then a few years later, fade from the public eye.....
<Th3No0b> Im going to be the next hitler
<Th3No0b> Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
<RageAgainsttheAmish> why the clown
<Th3No0b> See? no one cares about the jews
<RageAgainsttheAmish> lmao
<kritical> matts: bikes go faster than cars...a bike at 60 mph is a lot faster than a car at 60 mph
<matts> kritical: um no...
<kritical> matts: um yes
<kritical> my sisters sport car at 60 mph goes faster than my dads explorer at 60 mph
<kritical> a bike at 60 mph will blow by a car at 60 mph
www.bash.org
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From the last South Park episode:
"I'd rather be a crying pussy, than a faggy goth kid."- Butters
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bash.org is sooo golden-.-
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United States12237 Posts
On December 16 2003 04:25 DeoDoubleG wrote:
heres another family guy:
how many apes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
three; one to screw in the lightbult, and two to throw feces at each other.
I think it's relevant to point out the context of the joke. Peter was saying this while he was on the Planet of the Apes, inside a net, with the apes having guns aimed at him. hahahahah.
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That was gold sux2bme
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Norway28701 Posts
from futurama
when fry is making an opera for leela
and then leela listens to it before it's done, and fry is like "leela, you shouldnt be listening, I don't want you to hear it until it's done." and then leela is like "but it's so beautiful." and then fry says
"so is a peacock, but you don't eat it until it's cooked"
so good
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On December 16 2003 04:39 sux2bme wrote:
This is not a quote, but it's funny...
How many Teamliquid.net forumers does it take to to screw in a light bulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been
changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the
light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light
bulbs
53 to flame the spell checkers
41 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ...
another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term
is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light
bulb" is perfectly correct
156 to email the moderators complaining that they are in violation of
their "acceptable use policy"
109 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please
take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
111 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light
bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where
to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for
this technique and what brands are faulty
27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the
corrected URL's
12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they
cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ
44 to ask what is a "FAQ"
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting
questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and
start it all over again
Lmao each one i read was increasing funnier for some reason.
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'I drive a small car to compensate for my large penis'
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Goth Kids: Kyle drink some coffe.
Kyle: I... I don't drink coffe.
Goth Kids: You can't be a non conformist if you don't drink coffe, Kyle.
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Phoebe Buffay: If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.
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Fry: I'm glad global warming never happened
Leela: It did, fortunately nuclear winter canceled it out
Cpt Brannigan (after being kicked out of the army): ah Kif(spelling?), it's time to begin the life of civilians
*kif doesnt move*
Brannigan: "Thats an Order, Soldier"
Brannigan: "One day you are a decorated Space captain, the next day you blow up a 100 Billion Dollar space station and you're nothing. That makes you think."
Kif: "No it doesn't"
thos three came to my mind first but there are so many great futurama quotes
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I, Rekrul, feel that several of those who have posted in this thread are what the we, upper eschelon of Brood War players, prefer to call "complete fucking jackasses." I, Rekrul, am not the type of person to name names, but I feel rereading the above posts may be a slight indicator to those who are one or two olives short of a salad nicoise. To discuss the original topic at hand, I, Rekrul, would like to mention that the entire WGTour ladder is filled with what we, the upper eschelon of Brood War players, prefer to call "complete fucking newbies." It would be a waste of mine, Rekrul's, time to compete amongst such newbies when I have at my, Rekrul's, disposal many top players from around the world to challenge the abilities I obviously possess, seeing as I, Rekrul, am a member of the upper eschelon of Brood War players. Recent discussions of top Korean players playing WGTour should be ignored, as some on this forum, grouped together with aforementioned generalized nomenclature, fail to realize that top Korean players are not playing WGTour for any sort of practice whatsoever, but merely to kill time and embarass the foreign Brood War community by demonstrating any Korean player near the top of their ranks can decimate the best Foreigner Brood War ladder with no effort in a couple of days.
In conclusion I, Rekrul, would like to apologize by being unavailable to respond right now, as I am in a transitionary period in my life. You as a community should not fret, however, as my weekend of transition is due to end today, Monday, September 22nd, or tomorrow, Tuesday, September 23rd, and my, Rekrul's, usual antics on this Internet Bulletin Board System will resume to their usual routine. Until then, though, I put complete trust of my thoughts and expressions in ilnp, the Ferrari of a vehicle through which my soul travels to you.
Thank You,
Rekrul[pG]
by Ilnp
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EPT
