It all happened on a day of great famine. At 4:15 PM, through a series of tubes called "The Internet," I informed my friend that I was very hungry and tired, and that I was probably going to die of starvation within the next ten minutes. I told her that I could either read her e-mail, or I could make a last ditch effort to go downstairs and find something edible. She told me I should do that latter, and so I made my way toward the kitchen. Unfortunately, it seemed already too late, as I collapsed onto the kitchen floor. It was at this moment, that the following events began to take place between the times of 4:50 and 5:00 PM.
That day, Jesus Christ, our lord and savior, rescued me from certain death by starvation. He turned his body into beans on toast, and his blood into milk.... And I ate him. I ate Jesus Christ. Now I have to live my life for Jesus. I can't let Jesus Christ's sacrifice for me be in vain.
PS: Unfortunately, today's kitchen creation cannot be recreated, due to there only being one Jesus, and me already having used him up. I apologise.