- we've been going out for around 2 years, 3 months. we broke up last year in December and were broken up for 6 months, got back together in June, everything seems to have been going fine.
- I live in San Diego, she lives in Pennsylvania (we see each other about once every two months when we're both in school)
- I don't drink
One of the really cool things about my gf that I really liked when we first started going out is that she was not a fan of drinking, she got drunk once in our first 1.5 years, had a hangover and felt so shitty she pretty much didn't drink again after that. After we got back together I discovered that she had become a fan of drinking. I don't drink (as I said above), and I don't necessarily have anything against people who do, because "everyone" does it, etc, but coming from someone who was really against drinking (which I really liked) who became someone who was now a fan of drinking bothered me. I voiced my concern to her and she said how when she was in a relationship she was totally different, etc etc, and wouldn't really do that stuff.
Fastforward, I know she's been drinking from time to time while at school, I can probably count about 3-4 times she's gotten drunk to some degree (not really crazy drunk, but enough to have a bit of a hangover I guess?) which definitely has bothered me some, anyways. I went to visit her this past weekend, and on Monday she was in class and I was waiting in her car because we had to go to the airport right after so I could fly back home, and I saw that she left her phone there. Me being curious I thought to myself "hey let's check out her text messages!"
Lo and behold, I see two texts from some guy, and then a string of text messages between her and her best friend talking about something that led me to believe that she might have cheated on me with this guy. It wasn't anything explicitly that said she cheated on me, but set off some big warning signs. I then thought back to the past few weeks and realized I recognized the name... this was a friend of hers who she had went to hang out with two weeks prior.
I thought back to that night (another side note, I have a very very good memory) and remembered that the next day she had told me that she had had a little to drink and was taking the bus back to her car to then drive home.
So I remembered that, and I began to think (on the flight home), she probably got drunk and cheated on me with this guy and felt really shitty about it and tried to cover it up and pretend it didn't happen. But then I thought some more and I remembered that on that night I had texted her around 3 am (her time) and she had told me she was going to be on her way home. So then I figured, maybe she didn't cheat on me and it might have been something else.
So fastforward again to today when I decided to bring this up to her, since she had exams all week I didn't want to stress her out. So I asked her who this guy was and she said "oh he's just this friend from school who I hung out with a few weeks ago, remember?" and so I asked her something along the lines of "do you have anything to say about this" or something, and I told her about what I found in her phone. And then she told me the story - she apparently went to hang out with him, got really drunk, and slept over at his house (in his room, apparently). She insists that nothing happened, although he might have tried something?
So I take from this: 1) she had lied to me that night about going home, 2) she didn't tell me she had gotten drunk, 3) she never mentioned that something like that had happened and apparently was just intending on pretending it didn't happen.
So I'm very upset for various reasons, mainly because I'm a firm believer in honesty, telling the truth is 3434589374897% the most most important thing to me, and she lied to me... and the fact that she got drunk and led her into a situation where she may have cheated on me (even though she says she didn't, and I'm REALLY inclined to believe her but I still have some doubts). Some of the text messages from her friend lead me to maybe not believe what she's telling me.
I feel like maybe I am being a bit unreasonable to want to break up with her because of this, I mean drinking is a really common thing and whatnot, so maybe I'm just being too weird about it but I REALLY am not comfortable with that, especially being 3000 miles away makes things a bit difficult to imagine (sitting at home and knowing she's out drinking is a bit disconcerting), although I know she rarely goes overboard with drinking. And the fact that when we were talking she had told me that she never tells me when she drinks because she knows I don't like it and doesn't want to upset me... which just bugs me even more because she's being dishonest.
I dunno, am I being weird in wanting to break up with her because of something like this? She doesn't see it as a huge deal, but I do... I feel like she's betrayed my trust by lying to me and is really defensive about drinking (which I would NEVER ask her to stop drinking for me, but it's just something I don't think I can accept)... ? O_O!
gimme some feedback because I'm sort of in limbo.