|
Belgium6774 Posts
Hi guys. I'm in the process of creation an informative poster about an interactive art installation for Brussels (studentproject (for now), wont exist soon)
but its as a final project so I want all my stuff as perfect as possible. Haji already helped a bit <3
So if english and french people could read the following text and tell me what they think about the sentence construction, wether its informative, etc. that would be really great.
First I want you to assume that you're in Brussels. You have a bluetooth enabled phone and you walk onto "Rogier Square". You see a big projection screen as such:
The panel is actually showing some sort of familiarly looking piece of art though!
And you proceed to think: "Wow wtf!"
You notice that there's a few adpanels around the square that all seem to have the same really cool looking poster (ofc! xeo made it!) and you walk towards one and read the following:
English people:
+ Show Spoiler +
For art to be truly part of the ‘culture’ of a society – and particularly in a city as grand and international as Brussels – the public must be able to experience it in a way that is both natural and lively. Art and people must find and recognise each other, must interact with and enrich one another.
The centre of Fine Arts has always seen it as a goal not to reproduce, but to create unique experiences.
We want to let the city experience this ideal dynamically with this interactive installation. Thanks to Bluetooth technology, you are offered the chance to become part of a Mondriaan, a Pollock or another wonderful piece of art.
French people:
+ Show Spoiler +
Pour que l’art entre véritablement dans la ‘culture’ d’une société – en particulier dans une ville aussi bigarrée et internationale que Bruxelles –, il faut que le public puisse le rencontrer de façon naturelle et vivante.
Le Palais des Beaux-Arts ne reproduit pas seulement mais essaie de toujours presenter les choses comme une experience unique.
Avec cet ideal, nous voudrions donner la ville plus de couleur avec cette installation interactive. Grace à technologie du Bluetooth, on vous offre l’opportunité de devenir part d’un Mondriaan, un Pollock ou une autre pièce d’art magnifique.
En placent 8 émetteurs sur la place Rogier on est capable de créer une carte en deux dimensions de tout les gens qui utilisent un GSM ou PDA avec Bluetooth allumé, par utiliser la même technologie comme les
satellites GPS.
Ensuite on utilise cette information pour projecter cette carte dans une style d’un artiste ou une style artistique. Comme ça la place Rogier devient un endroit échauffé avec la creativité, où l’aspect aléatoire et l’expression seront mélangé dans un platform informatif.
Si votre GSM ou PDA supporte Bluetooth, vous devez etre sur que c’est allumé et que le réglage est mit sur ‘visible’.
thanks <3
|
United States24754 Posts
English people: Kwark. Am I missing anyone?
|
Hmmm...
Well I think the "We want to let the city experience" should be changed to "We want to let the people of the city experience" because you have previously been giving art human characteristics and people might think you are giving the city human characteristics. Unless you are giving the city human characteristics lol.
|
Belgium6774 Posts
Hmm well what I was trying to go for was sortof 'we want to colour the city with'
but I dont knowif that is correct use of english
|
Belgium6774 Posts
On June 12 2008 05:17 micronesia wrote:
English people: Kwark. Am I missing anyone?
ok ok 'english speaking'
you get my point!
|
Hungary11305 Posts
You should try to make the formulations more immersive to the watcher. Let me explain what I mean.
For art to be truly part of the ‘culture’ of a society – and particularly in a city as grand and international as Brussels – the public must be able to experience it in a way that is both natural and lively. Art and people must find and recognise each other, must interact with and enrich one another.
You are talking to someone who is looking at your poster. You caught his attention through that familiar piece of art. You have two seconds to make him read on!
... and then you talk in impersonal terms about "culture", the "city of Brussels" and "the public". While all of that is true - you should address the reader right away and on a personal level. It is important that it is a message from "us" (the gallery of fine arts) to "you" (the onlooker).
That's why I like the final paragraph a lot more than the initial one:
We want to let the city experience this ideal dynamically with this interactive installation. Thanks to Bluetooth technology, you are offered the chance to become part of a Mondriaan, a Pollock or another wonderful piece of art.
There you have the direct level that I was talking about. While I do not have an explicit proposal for improvement (sorry :/), you would be better off addressing your audience like that.
Edit: The sentence structure in general could also be more direct. Your construction is a conditional "for X ... Y must happen", so the meaning of the first sentence is only disclosed after reading the whole thing, which takes quite a while. Why not start with a plain statement like "Art is a central part of society. In a grand city like Brussels, the public must therefore be able to experience it in a natural and lively way."
|
On June 12 2008 05:31 Aesop wrote:You should try to make the formulations more immersive to the watcher. Let me explain what I mean. Show nested quote +
For art to be truly part of the ‘culture’ of a society – and particularly in a city as grand and international as Brussels – the public must be able to experience it in a way that is both natural and lively. Art and people must find and recognise each other, must interact with and enrich one another.
You are talking to someone who is looking at your poster. You caught his attention through that familiar piece of art. You have two seconds to make him read on! ... and then you talk in impersonal terms about "culture", the "city of Brussels" and "the public". While all of that is true - you should address the reader right away and on a personal level. It is important that it is a message from "us" (the gallery of fine arts) to "you" (the onlooker). That's why I like the final paragraph a lot more than the initial one: Show nested quote +
We want to let the city experience this ideal dynamically with this interactive installation. Thanks to Bluetooth technology, you are offered the chance to become part of a Mondriaan, a Pollock or another wonderful piece of art.
There you have the direct level that I was talking about. While I do not have an explicit proposal for improvement (sorry :/), you would be better off addressing your audience like that.
Listen to this guy.
|
United States22883 Posts
For art to enter the ‘culture’ of a society – particularly in a city as grand and international as Brussels – the public must be able to experience it in a way that is both natural and lively. Art and people must find and recognise each other, must interact and must enrich one another.
The centre of Fine Arts has always seen its goal as not to reproduce, but to create unique experiences.
We want to let the city experience this ideal dynamically with this interactive installation. Thanks to Bluetooth technology, you are offered the chance to become part of a Mondriaan, a Pollock or another wonderful piece of art.
|
Belgium6774 Posts
Alright thanks for the advice guys.
|
On June 12 2008 05:13 Xeofreestyler wrote:French people: + Show Spoiler +
Pour que l’art entre véritablement dans la ‘culture’ d’une société – en particulier dans une ville aussi bigarrée et internationale que Bruxelles –, il faut que le public puisse le rencontrer de façon naturelle et vivante.
Le Palais des Beaux-Arts ne reproduit pas seulement mais essaie de toujours presenter les choses comme une experience unique.
Avec cet ideal, nous voudrions donner la ville plus de couleur avec cette installation interactive. Grace à technologie du Bluetooth, on vous offre l’opportunité de devenir part d’un Mondriaan, un Pollock ou une autre pièce d’art magnifique.
En placent 8 émetteurs sur la place Rogier on est capable de créer une carte en deux dimensions de tout les gens qui utilisent un GSM ou PDA avec Bluetooth allumé, par utiliser la même technologie comme les
satellites GPS.
Ensuite on utilise cette information pour projecter cette carte dans une style d’un artiste ou une style artistique. Comme ça la place Rogier devient un endroit échauffé avec la creativité, où l’aspect aléatoire et l’expression seront mélangé dans un platform informatif.
Si votre GSM ou PDA supporte Bluetooth, vous devez etre sur que c’est allumé et que le réglage est mit sur ‘visible’.
mmmm some mistakes ^^ my version:
Pour que l’art entre véritablement dans la ‘culture’ d’une société – en particulier dans une ville aussi bigarrée et internationale bigarrée is a bit unusual imo, but it is ok  que Bruxelles –, il faut que le public puisse le rencontrer de façon naturelle et vivante.
Le Palais des Beaux-Arts ne reproduit pas seulement les choses, il essaie de toujours les presenter comme une experience unique. i dont understand what you mean by " reproduire " and " choses" maybe you should use "presenter"
Fidèles à cet ideal, looks better than " avec " but it strengthens the meaning nous voudrions donner à la ville plus de couleurs avec cette installation interactive. Grâce à la technologie Bluetooth, nous vous offrons l’opportunité de devenir partie intégrante d’un Mondriaan, d'un Pollock ou d'une autre pièce d’art magnifique.
En plaçant 8 émetteurs sur la place Rogier il est possible de créer une carte en deux dimensions de toutes les personnes qui utilisent un GSM ou PDA avec Bluetooth activé, en utilisant la même technologie que pour les satellites GPS.
Ces informations sont ensuite utilisées pour projeter cette carte dans un style artistique. Ainsi la place Rogier devient un endroit transformé par la creativité mmm échauffé wasnt accurate and i dint find a better word than transformer , où l’aspect aléatoire et l’expression seront mélangés dans une plate-forme informative. plateform informative looks a bit weird
Si votre GSM ou PDA supporte la technologie Bluetooth, vous devez etre sûr qu'elle est activée [ et que le réglage est en mode ‘visible' ] i dont really know how Bluetooth works so the translation might be not accurate in this sentence, "mode visible " looks weird so maybe you shouldnt take the [ ...] part .
Need more French people to know if they agree with me ^^.
|
United States24754 Posts
At a glance I honestly thought you meant from England.
|
Hello, boblion did the main job i'll just add some changes if you agree:
En utilisant une technique similaire à celle des satellites GPS, il est possible grâce à 8 émetteurs disposés sur la place Rogier de créer une carte bidimensionnelle représentant toutes les personnes utilisant un téléphone GSM ou PDA avec Bluetooth activé.
And maybe "bouillant de créativité" will be better than transformé par la créativité.
French is a difficult language, even for french people (at least for me). There still might be some wrong sentences but i don't see where.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT![[image loading]](http://img411.imageshack.us/img411/4695/rogierzicht3d2pseddi2.jpg)
