I had a dream last night about death... suddenly felt old, felt like the last 30 years were a waste and I only have 50 left and I'm going to die. Didn't think much of it but I just realized it's Qingming in China. Maybe that's why?
Qingming is when people sweep tombs and venerate their ancestors.
Grandpa, I'm sorry I never got around to translating my short stories for you to read before you passed on. I'm sorry that we only spoke 3 times in the last 2 months before you died, and that I couldn't be there for you. I want you to know that the gf and I are doing well, and that the world is falling apart just as you predicted it would.
I hope you're watching over us now, and that one day, you'll be proud of what we've accomplished.
It's funny... you always had this lackadaisical attitude towards death. But I knew... it was because you were trying so hard not to betray your deep anxiety towards it. Towards my brother, me, my father, and family drama, too much of it. And towards dying alone... because we were all in other countries.
The whole of China is in mourning, now, did you know that? And death is sweeping the world. So I hope you're not alone now. Lots of people going up to keep you company, I guess. And yes. There was family drama when you passed.
But we're doing fine now. And - I'll try to start writing again. I will. I promise.