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For me, writing is and always has been a tricky topic.
During my formative years, I only wrote with a gun to my head. Only for school and other "mandatory" tasks. I excelled at it, but never had any attachment to a piece. I saw writing as something to finish and not something to pour myself into.
This somewhat changed when I met the only teacher who ever taught me anything. Her name was Dr. Filak and she essentially taught me how to do less with more. How to show rather than tell. And other cliches i can't remember right now. I had her for 10th and 11th grade in high school. She was the only teacher I had for 2 years and I don't believe this happened by coincidence. I don't know if I chose her or if she chose me. But there was some choosies.
For those unfamiliar with AP Language and AP Literature scoring, you make a grade of 1-9 on an essay. I went from regularly scoring 4's and 5's to always scoring 8's and 9's thanks to her tutelage and much to the chagrin of my very much ex-girlfriend.. but that is another story. I started to view writing, especially in a timed fashion given a prompt, an art. Something that could be compared to food (back when foodies and instagram weren't things) or visual pieces.
In college I essentially wrote to survive whatever class I was writing for. I would allot 1 hour per page to complete a paper--no first draft, mind you, and the time allotted would literally expire at the deadline. As I mentioned, gun to my head.
Writing is something I love yet I cannot do it in a vacuum. I think something is wrong with my brain. Why does something I love require such teeth pulling? I haven't written purely for fun in years.
If you recognize my name, you probably know me from my sc2 guides in WoL. That was my creative outlet. For some reason I was relatively good at the game and could emulate, streamline and then perfect builds to their most perfect forms. I would spend hours grinding games against an easy ai in an empty lobby to nail timings down to their bones. And I wrote my guides the same way I wrote my papers. One sitting-- x amount of hours. One draft. Submit. Though mundane, I enjoyed the practice. SC2, unlike broodwar, has few variables between games. I hit the same pylon, gateway, gas, core timings 20+ times, for instance. I don't believe I could replicate this in brood war. I am currently trying to get good at BW so that I can write guides and share my findings with the rest of you but it is very hard to improve. Sometimes you lose and there is no lesson to be learned. Sometimes you win for no reason.
I am moving to a new apartment next year and plan on streaming my bw and wc3 play.
I wrote this because this is my 6000th post and I wanted to do something cool like the cool kids so I can sit at the cool kids table. Can I?
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I can relate to this feeling. I have often had thoughts about writing a good story for the fun of it. However, I was never able to commit myself to writing one, even at times when I had enough free time such that there was no excuse. And even though I really enjoy listening to music, I often have periods where I hardly listen to it for months because I am apprehensive about "getting into it," so to speak. I don't know what causes such lack of willpower/motivation but maybe it has something to do with fear of disrupting the normal routines one has set for themselves, although I suspect that is probably not the main reason.
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On September 18 2019 12:48 Anc13nt wrote:
I can relate to this feeling. I have often had thoughts about writing a good story for the fun of it. However, I was never able to commit myself to writing one, even at times when I had enough free time such that there was no excuse. And even though I really enjoy listening to music, I often have periods where I hardly listen to it for months because I am apprehensive about "getting into it," so to speak. I don't know what causes such lack of willpower/motivation but maybe it has something to do with fear of disrupting the normal routines one has set for themselves, although I suspect that is probably not the main reason.
I have written so many halves of novels it's not even funny. same goes for music. I think I am afraid of actually finishing and dealing with the outcome. I think it's a problem of motivation. Like I feel so many times I'm on the brink of greatness and then I balk like a coward.
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do we post on tl because we're afraid of greatness?
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On September 18 2019 14:34 Alejandrisha wrote:
do we post on tl because we're afraid of greatness?
TL attracts greatness!
The final proof of greatness lies in being able to endure criticism without resentment.
Keep writing! Like drawing/painting a picture, you shouldn't judge it until it is complete, sometimes it all comes together right at the end
Good luck!
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I used to like writing a lot, did not ever have your problem. The main issue with writing is that it is hard to find people to share it with, because it requires a fair time investment to consume. So unsurprisingly when you have a captive audience such as a teacher it's easier to complete the writing even if ultimately it's not your ideal audience. At least someone is going to read it. So I started drawing instead, because it's more immediately appealing and people are more used to appreciating drawings than they are words. If you try to condense writing down to something the size of a haiku, yes it takes less time for an audience to consume, but unfortunately a lot less people like poetry at all, and of those people a lot of them still find something too short to seem pretentious or, like a red rectangle in an art museum, to be something they could have easily done themselves.
Writing about a video game can be easier because it's easy to find the audience who will be interested in your writing and there's not a lot of alternatives to whatever you've written so people don't get as judgmental. If you try to write more generally, everyone is a critic and the heart of what you were trying to share is often ignored.
If you want to write creative fiction, you often need to do it totally for yourself. Since it requires a lot of energy, a quiet environment, a composed mood... It's quite a lot of work for something only you will appreciate, and you'll only appreciate it if you've already put in years getting very good at it and you still feel sharp.
So when I say I didn't ever have your problem I mean no one had to put a gun to my head to write. I wrote because I felt like it, and when I didn't feel like it anymore I stopped writing. I think you're confusing the desire to have written something from the desire to write. That are a lot of people who desire to have done all kinds of things, but when it comes down to it they (maybe correctly) evaluate the investment to be not worth the reward. Not to mention the general arrogance of wanting people to look at you Mr. Amateur when there are plenty of world class professionals with more content than anyone can reasonable consume. It's hurtful to the ego.
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wow 6k posts ! now you are a big archon !!!!
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If you google "why don't i like writing" (or any variant) you will find a lot of writers, even published or professional authors, sharing similar stories. It seems that people who love writing also hate writing, in general.
The best antidote to non-motivation is discipline. I'm not going to expand on that too much, because a lot of people have done it a lot better. You can google "discipline in writing" (or any variant).
(But if you'll indulge me one parenthetical: if the thought of trying to write in a disciplined way brings up some strange, inexplicable sense of dread, consider this example:
* When I started streaming, I wouldn't stream SC2 because I was more embarrassed about playing that particular game badly, than any other game. Although I am objectively much better at SC2 than any other game I know, the cost of 'failure' seemed so much higher.
This sort of thinking is generally thought to be destructive ("just jump in!"), but I've found that it is useful to build my confidence when I engage with it honestly. Perhaps cultivating discipline outside of writing first might be helpful for you as well. There are lots of mundane tasks in adult life that can serve as training grounds— my bugbears are going to sleep at a consistent time, cooking an actual dinner for myself, and doing laundry consistently, but you'll know your own specifics.)
All that said, I can't speak highly enough of this sentence from Chef: "That are a lot of people who desire to have done all kinds of things, but when it comes down to it they (maybe correctly) evaluate the investment to be not worth the reward." It's even heavier, really: sometimes you even desire to be doing a thing [and know what it entails], but the investment still isn't worth the reward! There is so much to do in this world.
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Northern Ireland13118 Posts
I will preface my thoughts that while you may ponder on something being wrong with your brain, in my case there certifiably is, so bear that in mind I suppose.
Being bipolar I can bounce between foggy thinking where even mundane tasks are a struggle and periods of atypically high motivation and focus that don’t last particularly long, or ideally do not as such periods are very destructive if they’re left to fester.
I have found the current marketplace, between commercial content and free content to be somewhat dispiriting as well. There’s so much stuff there that trying to get eyes on something that attempts to be interesting is really difficult, and getting paid that much harder.
Even social media sucks for it, you can post something and your friends list don’t even see it because it’s buried amongst so much other content, sponsored ads etc. Once you’re out of a school environment even getting decent feedback where it might be desperately needed can be a chore.
I still write in various forms, surrealist comedy, dry political stuff, film/vista critiques and various miscellaneous guides for things.
I do still enjoy the process, I just don’t do anything with the fruits of my so-called labour as of this time, for the aforementioned reasons. I couldn’t even get sites to publish a story on my bipolar experiences because it was ‘too bleak’ and ‘not helpful’. Which was irritating but expected as my whole motivation for writing it was that most stuff in that domain I’ve read is happy clappy nonsense that avoid mentioning elephants in the room that would be good for people to be aware of.
Anyway that pseudo-rant aside grats on the huge milestone of life that is hitting 6000 posts on TL. Your guides in the past definitely helped me ascend up from the scrub tier.
Are you looking to do guides with Warcraft Reforged when that hits? We’ve got quite a lot of enthused folks in the Irish Starcraft scene who missed out on WC3’s heyday but are excited to try it out.
Having WC3 experience and actually knowing the game I’ve found information on how to actually play it competitively to be there, but scattered across various corners of the internet. Could definitely do with some more centralised and well-written guides with a (hopeful) influx of new players.
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[QUOTE]On September 19 2019 01:17 Chef wrote:
+ Show Spoiler +I used to like writing a lot, did not ever have your problem. The main issue with writing is that it is hard to find people to share it with, because it requires a fair time investment to consume. So unsurprisingly when you have a captive audience such as a teacher it's easier to complete the writing even if ultimately it's not your ideal audience. At least someone is going to read it. So I started drawing instead, because it's more immediately appealing and people are more used to appreciating drawings than they are words. If you try to condense writing down to something the size of a haiku, yes it takes less time for an audience to consume, but unfortunately a lot less people like poetry at all, and of those people a lot of them still find something too short to seem pretentious or, like a red rectangle in an art museum, to be something they could have easily done themselves.
Yes! The hardest part was finding an audience. Generally when I had a piece I was proud of, the audience had to write it for some other purpose, be it to grade it or to learn a build from it. I've always like writing poetry but I always found myself starting to freestyle rap... I guess that will be another blog.
+ Show Spoiler +Writing about a video game can be easier because it's easy to find the audience who will be interested in your writing and there's not a lot of alternatives to whatever you've written so people don't get as judgmental. If you try to write more generally, everyone is a critic and the heart of what you were trying to share is often ignored.
I like this idea a lot and I have never thought of that. I am such a critic when it comes to games and I have a lot of things to say about game I don't like but I've never expressed them to a captive audience.
+ Show Spoiler +If you want to write creative fiction, you often need to do it totally for yourself. Since it requires a lot of energy, a quiet environment, a composed mood... It's quite a lot of work for something only you will appreciate, and you'll only appreciate it if you've already put in years getting very good at it and you still feel sharp.
Agreed. Only .00001% of creative writers ever find their intended audience, by my estimate. But writing for the sake of writing will keep you sharp, to use your word
+ Show Spoiler +So when I say I didn't ever have your problem I mean no one had to put a gun to my head to write. I wrote because I felt like it, and when I didn't feel like it anymore I stopped writing. I think you're confusing the desire to have written something from the desire to write. That are a lot of people who desire to have done all kinds of things, but when it comes down to it they (maybe correctly) evaluate the investment to be not worth the reward. Not to mention the general arrogance of wanting people to look at you Mr. Amateur when there are plenty of world class professionals with more content than anyone can reasonable consume. It's hurtful to the ego
Thank you so much for these words you have pretty much summed up my dilemma in words in a way that I couldn't.
Thanks so much for reading my blog and responding. I also have always loved your blogs 
cheers!
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On September 20 2019 00:27 aleph_two wrote:
If you google "why don't i like writing" (or any variant) you will find a lot of writers, even published or professional authors, sharing similar stories. It seems that people who love writing also hate writing, in general.
The best antidote to non-motivation is discipline. I'm not going to expand on that too much, because a lot of people have done it a lot better. You can google "discipline in writing" (or any variant).
(But if you'll indulge me one parenthetical: if the thought of trying to write in a disciplined way brings up some strange, inexplicable sense of dread, consider this example:
* When I started streaming, I wouldn't stream SC2 because I was more embarrassed about playing that particular game badly, than any other game. Although I am objectively much better at SC2 than any other game I know, the cost of 'failure' seemed so much higher.
This sort of thinking is generally thought to be destructive ("just jump in!"), but I've found that it is useful to build my confidence when I engage with it honestly. Perhaps cultivating discipline outside of writing first might be helpful for you as well. There are lots of mundane tasks in adult life that can serve as training grounds— my bugbears are going to sleep at a consistent time, cooking an actual dinner for myself, and doing laundry consistently, but you'll know your own specifics.)
All that said, I can't speak highly enough of this sentence from Chef: "That are a lot of people who desire to have done all kinds of things, but when it comes down to it they (maybe correctly) evaluate the investment to be not worth the reward." It's even heavier, really: sometimes you even desire to be doing a thing [and know what it entails], but the investment still isn't worth the reward! There is so much to do in this world.
I think what you say holds a lot of truth. The reason I hate writing is because it is so important to me and it is also supposed to be shared to others. I also felt the same way about streaming as it turns out. Albeit, i didn't have the internet to do so, but I can see that being a big factor. The fear of failure is something that the greats either don't care about or don't even perceive and that is what I envy.
I agree with your last paragraph as well. It's not that I think it won't be worth it, but it's that I think it won't be received in the same context I think it ought to.
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On September 22 2019 22:35 Wombat_NI wrote:
I will preface my thoughts that while you may ponder on something being wrong with your brain, in my case there certifiably is, so bear that in mind I suppose.
Being bipolar I can bounce between foggy thinking where even mundane tasks are a struggle and periods of atypically high motivation and focus that don’t last particularly long, or ideally do not as such periods are very destructive if they’re left to fester.
I have found the current marketplace, between commercial content and free content to be somewhat dispiriting as well. There’s so much stuff there that trying to get eyes on something that attempts to be interesting is really difficult, and getting paid that much harder.
Even social media sucks for it, you can post something and your friends list don’t even see it because it’s buried amongst so much other content, sponsored ads etc. Once you’re out of a school environment even getting decent feedback where it might be desperately needed can be a chore.
I still write in various forms, surrealist comedy, dry political stuff, film/vista critiques and various miscellaneous guides for things.
I do still enjoy the process, I just don’t do anything with the fruits of my so-called labour as of this time, for the aforementioned reasons. I couldn’t even get sites to publish a story on my bipolar experiences because it was ‘too bleak’ and ‘not helpful’. Which was irritating but expected as my whole motivation for writing it was that most stuff in that domain I’ve read is happy clappy nonsense that avoid mentioning elephants in the room that would be good for people to be aware of.
Anyway that pseudo-rant aside grats on the huge milestone of life that is hitting 6000 posts on TL. Your guides in the past definitely helped me ascend up from the scrub tier.
Are you looking to do guides with Warcraft Reforged when that hits? We’ve got quite a lot of enthused folks in the Irish Starcraft scene who missed out on WC3’s heyday but are excited to try it out.
Having WC3 experience and actually knowing the game I’ve found information on how to actually play it competitively to be there, but scattered across various corners of the internet. Could definitely do with some more centralised and well-written guides with a (hopeful) influx of new players.
I am myself bipolar (self-diagnosed, non-medicated if that even counts) and though I have never written about my symptoms, I have used the manic symptom of hypergraphy to my advantage and disadvantage. The guides you speak of were all done in a manic state in a single sitting. EDIT{{LOOK AT THE 4 GATE IS DEAD GUIDE}} When I have used it elsewhere and with a less captive audience, my writing has fallen on deaf ears. I totally understand what you mean about today's media wanting to gloss over the reality of mental illness and instead recommend self-help books and other blogs in exchange for book sales and net traffic.
I will absolutely write guides in reforged so long as I feel they can help people beyond what is already provided by the major outlets. I felt that when I was writing guides, none of the builds I was writing about were actually fleshed out whereas now I feel like there are a lot of passionate casters that do well to explain build orders and decision making trees. However, even the most meticulous cast can leave out important details such as worker counts, tech timings and scout timings so I feel there is always room for more proliferation of information. I will will gladly fill that hole
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On September 19 2019 22:08 prosatan wrote:
wow 6k posts ! now you are a big archon !!!!
Thanks! I am!
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Northern Ireland13118 Posts
On September 23 2019 09:52 Alejandrisha wrote:Show nested quote +On September 22 2019 22:35 Wombat_NI wrote:
I will preface my thoughts that while you may ponder on something being wrong with your brain, in my case there certifiably is, so bear that in mind I suppose.
Being bipolar I can bounce between foggy thinking where even mundane tasks are a struggle and periods of atypically high motivation and focus that don’t last particularly long, or ideally do not as such periods are very destructive if they’re left to fester.
I have found the current marketplace, between commercial content and free content to be somewhat dispiriting as well. There’s so much stuff there that trying to get eyes on something that attempts to be interesting is really difficult, and getting paid that much harder.
Even social media sucks for it, you can post something and your friends list don’t even see it because it’s buried amongst so much other content, sponsored ads etc. Once you’re out of a school environment even getting decent feedback where it might be desperately needed can be a chore.
I still write in various forms, surrealist comedy, dry political stuff, film/vista critiques and various miscellaneous guides for things.
I do still enjoy the process, I just don’t do anything with the fruits of my so-called labour as of this time, for the aforementioned reasons. I couldn’t even get sites to publish a story on my bipolar experiences because it was ‘too bleak’ and ‘not helpful’. Which was irritating but expected as my whole motivation for writing it was that most stuff in that domain I’ve read is happy clappy nonsense that avoid mentioning elephants in the room that would be good for people to be aware of.
Anyway that pseudo-rant aside grats on the huge milestone of life that is hitting 6000 posts on TL. Your guides in the past definitely helped me ascend up from the scrub tier.
Are you looking to do guides with Warcraft Reforged when that hits? We’ve got quite a lot of enthused folks in the Irish Starcraft scene who missed out on WC3’s heyday but are excited to try it out.
Having WC3 experience and actually knowing the game I’ve found information on how to actually play it competitively to be there, but scattered across various corners of the internet. Could definitely do with some more centralised and well-written guides with a (hopeful) influx of new players.
I am myself bipolar (self-diagnosed, non-medicated if that even counts) and though I have never written about my symptoms, I have used the manic symptom of hypergraphy to my advantage and disadvantage. The guides you speak of were all done in a manic state in a single sitting. When I have used it elsewhere and with a less captive audience, my writing has fallen on deaf ears. I totally understand what you mean about today's media wanting to gloss over the reality of mental illness and instead recommend self-help books and other blogs in exchange for book sales and net traffic. I will absolutely write guides in reforged so long as I feel they can help people beyond what is already provided by the major outlets. I felt that when I was writing guides, none of the builds I was writing about were actually fleshed out whereas now I feel like there are a lot of passionate casters that do well to explain build orders and decision making trees. However, even the most meticulous cast can leave out important details such as worker counts, tech timings and scout timings so I feel there is always room for more proliferation of information. I will will gladly fill that hole
Look forward to said guides, tbh would be happy to collaborate too if it came to it. Between having a 6 year old who wants to play StarCraft, some total RTS virgins who want to play, im working on trying to get the basics of the interfaces and UI down in some succinct form. There’s definitely something in basic decision tree guides, especially when information is so diffuse in WC3 terms (I went looking pretty hardcore, the stuff is all there it’s just piecing it together).
I’m an incredibly meticulous person when it comes to base mechanical stuff, I personally enjoy grinding that, watching top players and analysing what they’re doing. Do it with guitar as well. I’m not particularly good at teaching people to play music but I’m extremely good at fixing people’s techniques and whatnot.
My ‘learning guitar’ was all over the fucking place and just not replicable for most people, but I do have the odd insight that’s useful I guess. ‘Improvise over a backing track for 6 hours’ worked for me but few people want something that unstructured.
For the record if you do feel yourself spiralling too hard keep an eye, I ended up in hospital for a year as I completely fried my brain and had zero idea of my condition at the time, not the most fun period going but quite the learning experience I guess.
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On September 23 2019 10:17 Wombat_NI wrote:Show nested quote +On September 23 2019 09:52 Alejandrisha wrote:On September 22 2019 22:35 Wombat_NI wrote:
I will preface my thoughts that while you may ponder on something being wrong with your brain, in my case there certifiably is, so bear that in mind I suppose.
Being bipolar I can bounce between foggy thinking where even mundane tasks are a struggle and periods of atypically high motivation and focus that don’t last particularly long, or ideally do not as such periods are very destructive if they’re left to fester.
I have found the current marketplace, between commercial content and free content to be somewhat dispiriting as well. There’s so much stuff there that trying to get eyes on something that attempts to be interesting is really difficult, and getting paid that much harder.
Even social media sucks for it, you can post something and your friends list don’t even see it because it’s buried amongst so much other content, sponsored ads etc. Once you’re out of a school environment even getting decent feedback where it might be desperately needed can be a chore.
I still write in various forms, surrealist comedy, dry political stuff, film/vista critiques and various miscellaneous guides for things.
I do still enjoy the process, I just don’t do anything with the fruits of my so-called labour as of this time, for the aforementioned reasons. I couldn’t even get sites to publish a story on my bipolar experiences because it was ‘too bleak’ and ‘not helpful’. Which was irritating but expected as my whole motivation for writing it was that most stuff in that domain I’ve read is happy clappy nonsense that avoid mentioning elephants in the room that would be good for people to be aware of.
Anyway that pseudo-rant aside grats on the huge milestone of life that is hitting 6000 posts on TL. Your guides in the past definitely helped me ascend up from the scrub tier.
Are you looking to do guides with Warcraft Reforged when that hits? We’ve got quite a lot of enthused folks in the Irish Starcraft scene who missed out on WC3’s heyday but are excited to try it out.
Having WC3 experience and actually knowing the game I’ve found information on how to actually play it competitively to be there, but scattered across various corners of the internet. Could definitely do with some more centralised and well-written guides with a (hopeful) influx of new players.
I am myself bipolar (self-diagnosed, non-medicated if that even counts) and though I have never written about my symptoms, I have used the manic symptom of hypergraphy to my advantage and disadvantage. The guides you speak of were all done in a manic state in a single sitting. When I have used it elsewhere and with a less captive audience, my writing has fallen on deaf ears. I totally understand what you mean about today's media wanting to gloss over the reality of mental illness and instead recommend self-help books and other blogs in exchange for book sales and net traffic. I will absolutely write guides in reforged so long as I feel they can help people beyond what is already provided by the major outlets. I felt that when I was writing guides, none of the builds I was writing about were actually fleshed out whereas now I feel like there are a lot of passionate casters that do well to explain build orders and decision making trees. However, even the most meticulous cast can leave out important details such as worker counts, tech timings and scout timings so I feel there is always room for more proliferation of information. I will will gladly fill that hole Look forward to said guides, tbh would be happy to collaborate too if it came to it. Between having a 6 year old who wants to play StarCraft, some total RTS virgins who want to play, im working on trying to get the basics of the interfaces and UI down in some succinct form. There’s definitely something in basic decision tree guides, especially when information is so diffuse in WC3 terms (I went looking pretty hardcore, the stuff is all there it’s just piecing it together). I’m an incredibly meticulous person when it comes to base mechanical stuff, I personally enjoy grinding that, watching top players and analysing what they’re doing. Do it with guitar as well. I’m not particularly good at teaching people to play music but I’m extremely good at fixing people’s techniques and whatnot. My ‘learning guitar’ was all over the fucking place and just not replicable for most people, but I do have the odd insight that’s useful I guess. ‘Improvise over a backing track for 6 hours’ worked for me but few people want something that unstructured. For the record if you do feel yourself spiralling too hard keep an eye, I ended up in hospital for a year as I completely fried my brain and had zero idea of my condition at the time, not the most fun period going but quite the learning experience I guess.
I would love to. I, too take a mechanical approach to music but I play bass. I'm not so keen on the changes but when I am in one key i can fuck it the same way rts is always played in the same key. I have tried to introduce rts virgins to sc and wc3 but to no avail. I've tried to coach newbies into the intermediate phase and was only met with resistance. we are of a dying breed. i enjoy teaching people. that's why i'm a tutor and also hit me up if you feel like shit is getting whack.
https://tl.net/forum/sc2-strategy/333477-pvz-small-timing-attack-thread-with-vods
tho i've made a lot of threads I put this one at the top because of how much information is provided in succinct form
https://tl.net/forum/sc2-strategy/333477-pvz-small-timing-attack-thread-with-vods
these are the types of threads I will provide in wcrf-- concise build explanations, plenty of video content, and dope music.
edit:
I really want to make an in-depth pvt 12/14 guide on gladiator but i keep getting killed doing it tt. that's why i say i want to get better before i try to provide content. since the ladder merge in bw i'm literally getting MAULED. i blame it on the times during which i play but i know that it's not the truth and i'm just awful lol. but wc3 will be easier xD
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TeamLiquid StarLeague 5 in 
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