Hey TL, this is my 9K Blog post, I had a big plan to make it an extraordinaire blog post touching on all the points in my life now that I am at 9K posts on TL, like....
-Whats going on with WHITE Clan -STPL -CPL -My job -My life outside of work / gaming -The girl that has my mind fucked
So let me just skip forward to the girl that has my mind fucked, because that is all I can fucking think about for the past week or so.... There is this girl, Lizzie, we went to Middle school together, but never really talked up until 20+ years later...I messaged her on Facebook Messenger out of the blue one day just saying hi, we got together and the rest was history.
We fell in love very fast, she is much taller than me but she is fucking gorgeous man, oh man is she so gorgeous...her legs are like long silky silkyness
Anyways, so it has been 4 months of awesome sex, amazing love, compassion, LSD trips, good weed, a few drinks, great laughs, and awesome experiences
And then FUCK
WHAT THE FUCK
Out of no where, she just stops talking to me, WHY?
She messages me saying "I am going through some shit, I will message you when I am comfortable"
"i am going through some shit, I will message you when I am ready"
Shit texts like this, we spoke once about a week ago on the phone for almost an hour, everything seemed fine, but the entire time, not as many texts as she normally gives, not acting like herself, something just isn't adding up, and now she isn't responding or texting me at all, the last text was.... (Keep in mind I of course did blow her phone up with texts like please respond, i'm sorry , i love you, bullshit like that , etc)
"Dont blow me up anymore, if you text me again I will stop communicating with you completely"
I was fucking shocked, I don't understand this at all....
A little back story...this girl is the same age as me (30), she has a history with taking medicines like Seroquel / other anti depressants or whatever the fuck, serious medications, so I think when she says
"i am going through shit" , she is referring to that, but I have no fucking idea....so it is driving my brain up the wall really
Skip forward 2 days
I messaged her again, after a few drinks, I am really upset and frustrated at being ignored, I texted along the lines of...
"I am a human with feelings as well, I am really concerned and you know im here for you during hard times, I don't understand if I did something wrong or not, im sorry, I love you" etc shit like that, because fuck it has been like an entire week with no communication, that may not seem like a long time but, when you have been talking to the same person for 4 months, feel like your in love, the girl says she wants to have your children, and then this happens....
MIND FUCKED
Now my cigarette is done, i'm going to try to sleep, I hope someone has some good advice for me and not just Lichter happy about a girl blog.
EDIT : I hope me texting her 2 days after she said not to blow her up / text her, won't make her stop communicating with me, but i've gotten to my breaking point at this point, I really love this girl and I hope she comes back, shes so god damn fine.
Telecom, my fellow BW enthusiast, may i try and offer my 2 cents?
This girl that drives you mad...can the reason be that her withdrawel is not a matter of her losing love for you (like you probably fear), but rather that she is afraid of losing you? She has told you that she is going through some shit. When somebody is having their life or whatever collapse, it might lead them to believe that they are not worthy to receive love. It might lead her to believe she doesn't deserve you. What do you think? I must ask because i dont know too much about you.
On May 19 2018 23:31 tanngard wrote: Telecom, my fellow BW enthusiast, may i try and offer my 2 cents?
This girl that drives you mad...can the reason be that her withdrawel is not a matter of her losing love for you (like you probably fear), but rather that she is afraid of losing you? She has told you that she is going through some shit. When somebody is having their life or whatever collapse, it might lead them to believe that they are not worthy to receive love. It might lead her to believe she doesn't deserve you. What do you think? I must ask because i dont know too much about you.
Thanks, I appreciate your words of wisdom...I really don't know if it has anything to do with me, she hasn't spoken to me in almost a week and it's killing me really....I want to believe that it has to do with her withdraw from constantly going down on her medication, the liquid seroquel is some serious shit....but I am just so confused.
i have never been connected with a person every day for like 4 months then boom, nothing.
Ok so let me get this straight, You were seeing a girl for 4 months straight and she drops you claiming she is going through some shit? This is going to sound harsh but you 2 were probably not as close as you thought you were and she doesn't respect you enough to share what is going on in the rest of her life. Move on and keep away from her. She wants nothing to do with you. It's definitely not what you want to hear but the sooner you face reality the better off you will be.
If somebody tells you they need space, you have to give them space. Nothing good ever comes out of continuing to message someone who tells you not to.
My honest opinion based on every single similar scenario I've ever seen is; it sounds like she didn't love you as much as you love her, she probably had a crush but now that it's over (crushes tend to last 3-6 months), she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you (anymore), she still likes you and doesn't want to break your heart but because of your neediness, you've left her with the impression that her honestly communicating what I just said with you would break your heart. So she's instead choosing to simply distance herself and stop responding because then she doesn't have to be personally deal with how sad she makes you feel.
There's no real advice to give you aside from; the faster you move on, the better. It's gonna be painful for a while no matter how you try to deal. Don't do too much drugs to numb yourself (I genuinely understand the impulse to do so, though). Exercising can also function as a method of achieving some degree of mental clarity, and it's way, way healthier for you, and it also makes it much more likely that you'll find yourself another girl. And the by far best way to get over a crush that doesn't work out, is to find a new one.
A part of me wants to believe this is more so due to Withdraw from liquid (oral) seroquel, this shit is a really serious medication that she takes...
Google Quetiapine, As I mentioned before she has been on medications and these are really serious, I've been researching this and I really more so (as fucked up as it sounds) hope this is the situation, and she hasn't just left me for another guy.
Update on girl : I texted her one big ass novel text telling her exactly how I fucking felt b/c I was tired of being ignored, she said call me, she said it was her medicine / issues with family and she hasn't gotten with another guy yet, and she still loves me, I just blew her up too much during the 2 week period, i explained to her how i thought she was with another guy and apologized, and everything seems to be a little smoother now, hoper communication gets back to normal.
On May 22 2018 05:47 Chairman Ray wrote: Good to hear things are looking better! Are her medical issues something that will affect your relationship in the future?
This is something I have put a lot of thought into, but I really love the girl so... I try to look past that honestly as crazy as it sounds.... I smoke so much weed to try and heal my own ailments, so I can't judge anyone else I feel...
Sorry it's not going well. Girls just wanna have fun feel safe.
From your side, it can be baffling, because ++attention = ++support.
From her side, if she has set out her boundaries (i.e. "don't talk to me right now"), ++attention = --support. She has told you what will make her uncomfortable (i.e. you blowing up her phone too much). You gotta respecc that.
I know you want to show support. They way you like to show support is by giving attention. But respecc includes listening to her preferences, supporting in the way she likes. If you keep crossing her boundaries, even for good intentions, it'll make her feel unsafe, cuz you're violating her boundaries.
I suggest you tell her that all you want is for her to feel respected and safe. If this includes you exercising restraint, that you limit how much attention you show her, so be it. You gotta show that you can control yourself. Without restraint, obsessive affection (which is what this situation sounds like) can unfortunately turn into control, domineering, and even abuse.
Restraint means prioritizing "the thing that will make her feel safe" (i.e. giving her space) OVER "the thing that I want" (attention, punani etc.). For her to be able to trust you, you gotta be able to keep your hands off of her, if needed.
Excessive weed consumption has been linked with heightening symptoms of paranoia, such as the ones you've displayed (catastrophizing, jealousy, excessive worry, imagining negative outcomes without having evidence for them). You said you're self-medicating. There's a fine line between that, and substance abuse. I'd encourage you to find a way to pursue habits that can help you have a more Mind-full and Calm mindset. + Show Spoiler [or to put it a different way] +
https://9gag.com/gag/aQ3APor?ref=ios.s.others
Last in this series of 'random advice from strangers', I understand that this relationship is important to you (that's why Girl Blogs are always worth it), but there are signs that it's TOO important to you. Mutual-support is good, co-dependence isn't. If you'll permit me to say it bluntly, I think there are signs you've gone a bit too crazy over the whole situation. That's the problem with being socially isolated, not being well-calibrated. We lose track of normality, we lose the ability to reflect on our behavior and recognize our own faults, when we need to pull ourselves into line.
When I notice that I have personality problems (e.g. displaying the same unhealthy attitudes shown by my father), what motivates me to become more stable and healthy (i.e. b seeking guidance, counselling, therapy, normal life fixes), is the desire to become stable enough that these problems WON'T overlap onto the people closest to me. If I don't fix my problems, my future wife and future kids (neither of which are even on the horizon yet) will have to put up with my shit. So sorting myself out, is a blessing in-advance for them. I'm doing them a favour by sparing them from being exposed to an unhealthy personality.
On May 22 2018 05:35 GGzerG wrote: Update on girl : I texted her one big ass novel text telling her exactly how I fucking felt b/c I was tired of being ignored, she said call me, she said it was her medicine / issues with family and she hasn't gotten with another guy yet, and she still loves me, I just blew her up too much during the 2 week period, i explained to her how i thought she was with another guy and apologized, and everything seems to be a little smoother now, hoper communication gets back to normal.
Not that I don't empathize with how you felt and why you did what you did, but have you taken a step back and realized how this makes you look to her (and others)? I doubt you will be able to have a normal relationship with her ever after behaving this way.
Thanks for your reply bitman, I appreciate the insight, and I agree I have gone completely crazy over it, I actually have been exercising a lot and trying to stay focused on my health and work at the moment.
Jealous umm...yes I have taken a step back from contacting her since she called last and we spoke, and i was able to get off my head what was driving me crazy. What others? Like her potential friends / family or to the people on here? lol
Well, I appreciate your thoughts and words of wisdom, I will choose to disregard your doubt for now but I understand where you are coming from.
Eh, you're meant for each other lol. I don't think you look anymore weird than she does. She was inviting drama, and you played along.
Imagine some other scenarios.
- She says "I'm going through some shit" and won't talk to you. You ask her what's going on, and she won't explain. You stop talking to her and she loses someone she liked.
- She tells you exactly what's going on, and tells you she can't be much fun right now so she doesn't want to see you. You don't understand and keep bothering her, and she decides you're too much trouble.
- You guys hang out as usual, but her mood is poor and you talk about her problems and it makes her feel a little better to have support unqualified by carnal activities.
I think given those 4 scenarios (my 3 fake and your real one), you actually got the second best outcome lol. It's a mismatch that destroys interest. Your clingyness and her avoidant behaviour still have to be measured on a range, but so far not that out of whack. I would say if you learn to chill a little, and she learns to think of you as a support piece in her life, you might have a good thing. People grow, it's not impossible.
On May 23 2018 16:10 GGzerG wrote: Jealous umm...yes I have taken a step back from contacting her since she called last and we spoke, and i was able to get off my head what was driving me crazy. What others? Like her potential friends / family or to the people on here? lol
Well, I appreciate your thoughts and words of wisdom, I will choose to disregard your doubt for now but I understand where you are coming from.
Thanks guys
By others I meant anyone who she tells about the situation.
This is the cautious pessimist in me talking, but I feel like when a person pulls back and asks for space and you keep trying to maintain contact, it shows you in a sort of desperate light, which in turn moves the "power" of the relationship to her. People who are insecure and/or have been hurt in the past use tactics like these to maintain the illusion of control. She knows that you will desperately try to reach her whenever she pulls back. Here's a comical analogy:
I've talked to and experienced relationships with women which see the relationship as a chess game where they have to make the right moves to get it to a place where they like, that they have "won."
In the end, you know best; we aren't there in your shoes and we only have one side of the story. Maybe her issue was genuine and she wanted to handle it herself without involving others, which is also a somewhat problematic approach but is by no means manipulative or malevolent. So, it's obviously best to do what YOU think is right and what makes YOU happy. It's just something to keep in mind.
I appreciate the insight from everyone really, I do feel odd everytime I talk about my real life on here on TL, but at this point I don't mind hearing others opinions, because a lot of the time it causes somewhat of an epiphany or like a sudden realization about myself.
I have been very depressed and having issues with anxiety / panic attacks, which lead out to me lashing out at others a lot lately and obviously a lot in the past, I have spoken to counselors recently for the first time and realize I do have anger issues and some other issues like insecurities / being left / etc caused by past relationships, but this one is different, at least I feel that in my heart.
I understand it probably feels like this every single time, but I believe her when we spoke and I said that my only problem is I have trust issues b/c i was being insecure, i figured she found someone else because of the way she was texting me, which she was very surprised about that and reassured me that she would of been honest and told me if she had, which is kinda like okay but you can't talk to me? ~_~
It all confuses me, but I truly love this girl, she is the most beautiful person on the inside and the out that i've met, i've learned a lot about myself and life from her, and the last thing I want to do is lose her, so I have just remained calm / chill from the last time we spoke and I haven't talked to her since, just praying and hoping everything goes back to normal.
I am starting to believe that I have some sort of potential mental health issues that were never treated, like depression, or anxiety, or something, I don't know.
I Only smoke weed, I don't drink or do any other drugs ever, and I am actually a pretty healthy person, I understand that Cannabis can also affect your brain, but I believe strongly in the medical benefits can provide, also I am terrified of prescription drugs for many reasons, so that's why I always self medicated.
I've never been at the point in my life where I just get so sad, depressed, negative, etc and I actually am not really sure why, I think this entire situation has just drove me a little crazy, I am just now starting to come to my senses and realize how crazy I have been acting for the last few months, I guess love will do that to you.
The realization that it is not everyone else that is the problem and really it could be yourself, is a really big thing to take on, but I feel like it is all happening at once, because of this, or something.
Things are not all bad though, I actually for the first time in my life have a job I really enjoy ( Not love, but I am enjoying it, about as much as you can enjoy a job), I am making more money than I have before in my life working with Apple, I also opened up my own first online clothing store which I wanted to mention because it does actually have some SC Merchandise as well.
Things went great for a day we talked , she said she'd respond, then she started ignoring me again, after awhile i blew her phone up again b/c i'm scared and my anxiety, now this is literally been killing me , insomnia panic attacks and anxiety, i had to go to hospital severfal times and they finally prescribed me benzos, im scared sad depressed lonely, everything.... i just wish she'd saysomething.... i guess i have to get over her, which seems impossible...they were about to admit me b/c they thought i was suicidal but I spent hours explaining i wouldn't ever harm myself or others, the anxiety and panic attacks have been terrible, the only way to stop them is I have been using CBD and taking Benzodiazepines like klonopin, the dr prescribed it b/c of how serious my anxiety was....this is probably the most sad time of my life, I really am praying for a miracle or to actually find love, I thought I had found it this time, and now I Just feel utterly naive and broken...
Getting over her is almost the hardest thing i've done, I usually dont care about girls, just party and have fun and shit, this one was different....I'm so lonely, I hope something positive happens soon. I hate being emo and expressing my feelings to people i dont even know, but I have yet to be able to get psychiatric help yet, the anxiety and panic attacks have caused too many issues in my life for a long time, this just triggered it....
EPT
