EPT
This birthday is a little different. Not that I don't like gifts or the prospect of spending time with people I love. But things have changed. My grandmothers are both dead now, and their wisdom and age-tempered humor and genuine interest was always a source of joy, and I haven't fully grasped, I think, that they are gone. I won't spend it with my girlfriend - I don't have one anymore. She moved to Australia to work with photography a while back (her dream), and we tried but ultimately it wasn't going to work. So I feel a pressing kind of loneliness born to fill a void where four years used to be.
My future is also uncertain. We still have no new coach set for next season and the board is silent as stone - I suspect well-meaning incompetence. I have put my studies on hold to be the best swimmer and writer I can be - but I made this decision before my coach quit. I'm bullheaded so I will stick with it. Stand my ground and see what happens. I've taken a part-time job as B-team coach to pay my bills, and will see where it takes me, how it suits me. My swimming "family" is in flux and it's just as much to try and keep them together.
2015-2016 might be anything. So to hold myself to my goals, I will put them in writing. A year from now, I will look back and hopefully feel satisfied. No false modesty or watered-down goals that match conventions. Making them public, I can't as easily go back on them. I know I have friends here that will be on my ass
- I will finish Nightfall on Nyx (novel) and get it into the hands of a publisher. I've been turned down enough times to know the drill. It will be on people's bookshelves.
- I will add a Nationals medal to my list of achievements. I've bordered on national team level before and if my team won't stay stable enough I will find a way to make it happen on my own.
- I will do everything I can to make sure our Blizzcon coverage eclipses last year's. What's great can always be greater.
- I try not to, but at heart I can be pretty whiny. I have problems, but I will stop complaining about things I can't change. What's up to me, I will deal with if I can. Whatever it may be about.
Hold me to it.
