|
thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
I turned 30 earlier this year. Naturally, I now know things that I wish I had known earlier in my life. Here are ten things I've learned in my twenties, from both my success and failures -- but mostly failures.
While I'm no longer nearly as active here as I used to be, TL was and is still the only online community I've ever been a part of. I've made many friends through this site, both new and old. It's my hope that something you read here might help you in some small way.
---------------------------------------------
1. The Geographic Location of Your College Matters
This matters for two reasons: work and friends. All things being equal, you are much more likely to end up working for a company in the area than elsewhere (there are many forces that contribute to this, from the on campus recruiting to the perceived coolness of the surrounding industries that are ingrained in you over the years). Because of this, your friends are likely to stay in the general area of the school (e.g. East Coast vs West Coast). This means that even if you defy the odds and start working elsewhere, you will lose many of the good friends you made in college.
I personally experienced this going to an East Coast, Wall Street feeder school and going back to Silicon Valley. Yet another factor to consider when considering the impossible question of which school to attend.
Bonus tip: On campus recruiting is 10x easier than off campus recruiting after graduating. Take advantage of it! (I never did it and paid the price for it, as the financial crisis hit)
2. Under Load on Courses during Your First Semester of College
The first 6 or so weeks of college are when everyone is looking to meet new people and make friends. After this period, people become comfortable with spending increasing amounts of time with whatever cohort they have discovered for themselves. It's also the time where you can try out a bunch of different student clubs and see what works for you. And for many (including myself), you can use the extra time to adjust to a new city and a new stage in your lives where you will need to make decisions and set schedules by yourself.
I overloaded on courses my first semester and paid the price both physically and mentally. I hardly slept or ate, losing 15 pounds over the first 6 weeks of college. I felt completely burnt out, and was not performing well academically. My schedule was a mess and I was living hour to hour, let alone day by day. This remains one of the three darkest times of my life.
3. Take Difficult Courses Your First Year
It will be torture, but you will make lifelong friends there who will there, suffering alongside you. There is a reason why Vietnam vets remain lifelong comrades. That "we're in it together" environment fosters lifelong bonds.
For me, this was Physics 105, the Physics major track Mechanics course. Problem sessions would run weekly on Thursdays from 8pm to indefinite in the Physics building in the corner of campus. We would be there until 2am, give up for the night, go play Mario Kart 64 at one of our rooms until 4am, split up, meet up again at 11am the next day, keep working until 4:50pm, and make a mad dash to the Physics building to make it in time for the 5pm deadline. It was hellish and made me give up any hope of majoring in Physics after that course. But the guys who struggled alongside me and the brilliant ones who would lend us a hand at tackling the problems became my best friends in college and thereafter.
4. Be a Host
Feel like you're losing touch with friends because you're too busy? Having trouble meeting new friends? Got some money but no time? Host events!
Board game night, video game night, poker night, chess night, movie night, Super Bowl parties, GoT viewings, you name it. Buy some beer, chips, grapes, order pizza, and encourage but don't require guests to bring something as well, from extra chess boards to deviled eggs (I have a friend who keeps bringing deviled eggs to chess night because he wants to eat them himself). You don't need to drive anywhere, friends will slowly bring their friends from other social circles, and you'll all have a great time.
5. Investment or Hobby?
With each purchase, know whether you're doing it as an investment or as a hobby. This applies from everything from a car, an education, to a home.
If your car purchase is a hobby, you only have to think about how much you enjoy the car. If you need it as an investment so that it will enable you to reap financial windfalls from it (you need to get to work), then its utility and ROI should be your concern.
If your education is a hobby and your are doing it for the love of the subject and do not need to make a living, then you can choose to study an esoteric humanities discipline and get away with it. If you need to support yourself after college, then you need to consider the return on your tuition you will gain from your studies.
If your finances are such that your home purchase needs to increase in equity value, then you must consider your alternatives and evaluate whether purchasing a home has the best probability weighted expected return on your capital. If your home falling 20% in value makes no difference whatsoever to you, then you can buy whatever your heart pleases even if the property is very illiquid or macroeconomically likely to fall in value (e.g. Japanese real estate).
Most purchases will fall somewhere between these two extremes, but it's a worthwhile mental exercise for your large purchases.
6. What It Means to "Make the Most Out of Your Mistakes"
This phrase is such a cliche that I always subconsciously rolled my eyes at it. To be honest, I still roll my eyes at it. Cliches are a problem because their ubiquity prevents us from thinking deeply what the phrase is actually trying to communicate.
I've made many many decisions that in hindsight can be classified as mistakes. Let's take my own career for example. Going to school in the East Coast was a mistake considering I knew I wanted to be in Silicon Valley high tech. Majoring in EE rather than CS was a mistake. Not committing myself to becoming the best engineer I could be (even if I was never going to be the best) was a mistake. Going to the UK made it even harder to come back. In many ways, my experience in Japan was traumatic, and I made very little money or career progress. I once negotiated way too hard with a semiconductor company and had an offer rescinded. Going to business school was a waste of time and money given who I was and what I wanted to do. My mistakes far outnumbers the optimal decisions I have made.
Each mistake puts you in a situation that is objectively worse than where you could have been. Some doors that were available to you will now close. But unknowingly, new doors will start to creak open as you move forward in your currently suboptimal path. There will be some cool opportunities that will arise from the things you learn and the people you inadvertently meet. I wouldn't have met my team if I hadn't made all these mistakes in my life. Maybe my optimal path would have put me in a better place (maybe I'd be a Facebook millionaire!), but maybe not. There's no way to know, it's useless worrying about something I no longer have any control over, and I'm quite happy where I am today. That's probably why we say we would do the same things all over again, despite all our mistakes.
7. Watch Some TV
I urge you to watch some quality TV shows so that you can have it as an conversation topic option when meeting new people. I used to think that talking about TV was uninteresting and frankly beneath me, but I now view it in a different light.
Conversation topics are just conduits to get a better view of another person's character. Just as we can learn about a person from what part of a Hemingway book resonated and affected them strongly, so can we with TV shows.
For the last 10 years, I barely watched any TV. Obviously if you don't watch TV shows, you can't have a conversation about TV shows. This can be a problem when you meet people with whom you have little in common with (what do you mean you don't read trashy Sci-Fc novels!?), since TV and sports are usually the two most common and widely accepted fall back options. It's one of the easiest ways to get a conversation going, and you can glean a surprising amount of information about a person from the more meta aspects of any conversation, including TV.
8. Spend Money on Others
I recently realized that spending $50 on a random gift for a friend is much more satisfying than buying something for myself. This is anecdotal and I'm not exactly sure how it works, but it seems to be backed by [some research](http://www.forbes.com/sites/nextavenue/2013/06/07/money-can-buy-happiness-if-you-spend-it-right/3/) as well.
(This likely only holds true if your basic needs are already being comfortably met)
This also applies to splitting the bill on a meal. If you have a regular group for meals, try taking turns footing the bill rather than splitting it every time. Sure, someone will likely get the short end of the stick, but it'll grow the camaraderie and make it more likely that you'll get together again sooner rather than later.
9. Overpay When Splitting the Bill
A couple of bucks here and there is just not worth being labeled a cheapskate to your friends. The appropriate "rounding threshold" will depend on your group. It might be to the nearest 1, 5, or 10 dollars.
10. Find "Your People"
"...you find your tribe. Jerry Seinfeld said in an interview last year that his favorite part of the Emmy Awards was when the comedy writers went on stage to collect their prize. “You see these gnome-like cretins, just kind of all misshapen. And I go, ‘This is me. This is who I am. That’s my group.’ ” By your 40s, you don’t want to be with the cool people; you want to be with your people."
New York Times
There was a time in my early to mid 20's where I wanted to be with the "cool people". In High School, scoffed at classmates who played D&D. Looking back, it was a reaction against my own uncoolness and a reflection of my lack of self confidence.
But I gradually realized that I was just trying to be someone who I wasn't. To the people who mattered to me, it didn't matter where I fell on the objective coolness scale. I felt more alive and invigorated and excited about everything when I re-embraced my deep rooted nerdiness. I felt at home and in my element around my fellow smart, uncool, nerdy folks.
And that's probably why I keep coming back to TL. The people I've met from the site, no matter how old or young, successful or downtrodden, well spoken or awkward, handsome or a bit misshapen, to borrow Seinfeld's words, are "my people".
Goodluck guys, give 'em hell.
-----------------
Thanks to Panorama for editing earlier drafts of this post.
 
|
I'm only 25 yet but I fully agree on your points, based on my own experience as a student. Also, I am just now starting to watch TV.
|
should be "10 Things I Learned in My 20's but would've liked to have known before that"!
|
Nice post! This will probably get stolen for a Buzzfeed article 
|
Interesting post
Thanks for sharing your experience.
|
As someone who will be 20 this year I should probably heed this blog.
|
Bisutopia19223 Posts
3 years from thirty and I definitely share all of your thoughts. You learn so much about life in you're 20's.
|
Aotearoa39261 Posts
|
Good blog as usual
I agree with all but #3. I agree with the premise of it, but not that you should do it in the first year. I would say do gen eds, use your electives on things that interest you, and commit to a major by your 2nd year. All the hard stuff is in your major anyway. There's no rush to commit at 17/18. Get a little more experience first.
|
|
|
Nice read. Pretty different from what my list would have been though. Also, I watch too damn much TV and yet often I don't have anything in common with others who also watch a lot of TV simply cause there's a ton of shows out there. Kind of the same with books really. But I get your point, it's nice to watch/read at least something.
I think the most important thing I learned is to not be afraid to fail. You can read lists like these about what you should and shouldn't do all you want but you can never "learn" life, a lot of things need to be experienced in order for you to grow as a person and be more comfortable with yourself and that more often than not happens through failing.
|
I agree with most of this, as I am 27. I only commit to a few tv shows though, I still look down on most tv haha
|
I don't watch tv, but I think having good conversation topics is very important. Those can come from tv, but might come from some other place as well.
I agree strongly with 4-10, and don't feel i could judge very well on the first three. #10 resonates strongest with me. It took me quite some years to figure that out, unfortunately.
|
da wisdom,
thanks
|
I've not found my people and I'm 25. I just have people.
I've also fucked up on points 2, 3, 8, and 4 is generally inconvenient because I'm in the suburbs. FML.
|
number 10 is very important. I'm turning 30 in June and I've realized a few months ago that most of "my people" aren't really my people anymore. Some of them will very likely be my friends until I die, but others...well, let's say that we've grown apart. Also don't surround yourself with people only because you share a common past. Friendship is something that has to be taken care of. Too many people never realize that all they've got in common are memories. Relationships are about creating memories, not reliving and reciting them.
And never, ever move into a house with mad people. Just don't.
|
thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
On March 05 2015 09:03 virpi wrote:
number 10 is very important. I'm turning 30 in June and I've realized a few months ago that most of "my people" aren't really my people anymore. Some of them will very likely be my friends until I die, but others...well, let's say that we've grown apart. Also don't surround yourself with people only because you share a common past. Friendship is something that has to be taken care of. Too many people never realize that all they've got in common are memories. Relationships are about creating memories, not reliving and reciting them.
Completely agreed.
Actually, I wrote about this exact subject a few years ago!
|
Canada11355 Posts
Almost halfway through my 20s. Though I never went to post secondary, I'm doing pretty damn good on the rest of the list.
If I could find a TV show I actually enjoy I would watch more TV. Are there any shows that aren't predictable enough that I can guess the climax of each season multiple episodes in advance?
If I could add something to the list:
Don't brag about your plans until they are at least set into motion
I've heard that telling someone about something you plan to accomplish gives you a fraction of the satisfaction of actually doing it. The more you tell people about the project you totally plan on starting, once you have the time, the more satisfied with yourself you become without actually doing anything.
I can't tell you how many times I've heard "I'm going to get really good at <hobby/skill>" or "I'm planning to build and operate my own <complex technology project>" only to have them lose interest and give up once they fail the first time or run into hardships or just lose the initial excitement. If you've already gotten some of the good feelings from your plan, you are going to be less inclined to stick with it once you get the bad feeling of failure or frustration.
|
United States744 Posts
This is really great for me, since I'm going to college this fall 
Very good tips, I'll be referring back to this when I get my final wave of letters at the end of the month D:
|
All very fine points. And just think, when you turn 40 you're STILL going to have 10 more new things you learned
|
Hey Haji, what do you mean by taking advantage of campus recruiting? I'm a junior in college and have a summer internship lined up, and hopefully a job next year, but should I still be attending job fairs, getting recruiter information, speaking with people, etc?
|
Nice read. I'm 23. Recently finished school. Engineer as well. Can't really say those same 10 points apply to me or people in general in my country.
But going back to your 10 points, instead of the things you learned from your 20's it seems they are the things you learned from college (which includes friends and jobs). Still, great things you point out.
I noticed something by reading your blog and other people responses: everybody follows the same guide-lines. And if they don't follow them, at least they know which ones they are, which are: study, get good grades, study more, save money for your college, get better grades, apply to the best colleges, wait for the responses, take the one that suits you the most (or like the most), don't slack, ITS COLLEGE, do your best, do internships, finish college, get a nice job, start earning money, and wait until you get married, get children of your own, and teach them to do the same cycle you did.
I think I'm missing my own point... Humm I guess my point is,that's the easy part. It's a one way road, you just gotta follow it. Sure, it might not be easy, but, as you can see if you look around, most of the people who follow it get to the end-line, without being geniuses or supernatural humans or really making any "real" decisions.
The real fun and challenge begin when there's no more road to follow. Where to go. What to do. You start earning money. What should I do with it? Save for a car or house? Invest on a business or in acquiring more abilities? Use it and enjoy it traveling and partying while I'm still young? Not work and just relax,play my guitar and be a hippie about life?
Well, finally it seems I'm getting the actual point myself of my own nonsenses: the only constant in all of this is money. And money comes and money goes. And all or most of our lifes are sadly around money. So all my life should I give my all and eventually get rich? Well, that's not necessarily a fact. So what?! What are we supposed to do...
Be happy. Happiness is inside of us, not outside. Don't need things or people or anything to be happy. Just be it. Because all the things you can think of eventually will go missing, and if your happiness depends on it, well, I think you can guess the outcome. Yeah sure we are bounded to follow this road as much as we want to get out of it. But every step you take, be it forward, backwards or sideways just make sure you are enjoying it. Nothing else matters. Things, like friends, money, your soul-mate, etc., will just eventually get to you. Life works ins mysterious ways. Don't try to understand everything. Just enjoy it while it lasts. Don't be to hard on yourself when making mistakes. Just laugh about them and try to be a better person. Don't worry too much in always making the right choice, because you won't.
Agh gosh I don't what happened I just started typing and kept on going. Hopefully someone gets something positive about all of this. As I said: I just finished college,and I'm 23. I would love to be 30's one day and look back and point out what went right and what went wrong. This is going to be legen WAIT FOR IT dary.
|
Hong Kong9152 Posts
|
thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
On March 05 2015 16:06 itsjustatank wrote:
old
def.
|
thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
On March 05 2015 12:01 ghrur wrote:
Hey Haji, what do you mean by taking advantage of campus recruiting? I'm a junior in college and have a summer internship lined up, and hopefully a job next year, but should I still be attending job fairs, getting recruiter information, speaking with people, etc?
On-campus recruiting is where your school is a "target school" for certain very-large companies. This means that people from these companies will come to your campus to actively pitch you about opportunities at their company and urge you to apply. They will hold interviews on-campus for the first few rounds rather than have you fly out to their HQ or do remote interviews right away, and will have much higher quotas for acceptance for your school compared to non-target schools.
For instance, Goldman Sachs will come to Princeton to aggressively recruit undergrads but will probably not come to Cal Poly SLO across the country, even though SLO is a great school and I've have nothing but pleasant encounters with its alums.
Essentially, as a "current student" on campus, you get preferential treatment as a job applicant compared to someone right out of college but is no longer a current student. This is the case for even companies that post job openings on your campus recruitment portal but don't send a warm body to campus. Simply put, you are like a car where the moment you drive off the lot, your life gets a lot harder.
If you get an offer from the company you're interning at and you're happy with the terms and enjoy working there, you can (1) accept the offer right away, or (2) use that offer and try to get a better offer elsewhere via the on campus recruitment timeframe, but either is just fine.
|
thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
On March 05 2015 15:40 alukarD wrote:
Nice read. I'm 23. Recently finished school. Engineer as well. Can't really say those same 10 points apply to me or people in general in my country.
It's entirely possible that this advice may be only pertinent to people like myself: US Citizen, going to a US school, career in the US, upper middle class or above background, tool'ish study habits, etc.
But going back to your 10 points, instead of the things you learned from your 20's it seems they are the things you learned from college (which includes friends and jobs). Still, great things you point out.
fwiw only the first three points were learned from college. The rest came in my late 20's.
That being said, I wouldn't be surprised if people in developing nations (as defined by those orgs that define these things) are forced to become wiser about life much earlier than us in the so called first world nations. It's probably both a blessing and a curse for both of us in either camp.
I noticed something by reading your blog and other people responses: everybody follows the same guide-lines. And if they don't follow them, at least they know which ones they are, which are: study, get good grades, study more, save money for your college, get better grades, apply to the best colleges, wait for the responses, take the one that suits you the most (or like the most), don't slack, ITS COLLEGE, do your best, do internships, finish college, get a nice job, start earning money, and wait until you get married, get children of your own, and teach them to do the same cycle you did.
To be honest, this still works in the US, and is the objectively wisest path to take, all things being equal. Of course, things frankly just aren't equal for everyone, and at some point things start to fall apart and we start to realize that the objectively optimal paths just don't work for us.
The real fun and challenge begin when there's no more road to follow. Where to go. What to do. You start earning money. What should I do with it? Save for a car or house? Invest on a business or in acquiring more abilities? Use it and enjoy it traveling and partying while I'm still young? Not work and just relax,play my guitar and be a hippie about life?
I currently run a small startup, and I agree that this is the most fulfilling and rewarding time of my life. That being said, if I hadn't worked pretty hard at each stage of my life despite all my mistakes and worked to make the most of my suboptimal situations, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to be where I am today. Opportunities are fleeting, and it's important to be able to just have faith in the fortune that brought you those opportunities.
Well, finally it seems I'm getting the actual point myself of my own nonsenses: the only constant in all of this is money. And money comes and money goes. And all or most of our lifes are sadly around money. So all my life should I give my all and eventually get rich? Well, that's not necessarily a fact. So what?! What are we supposed to do...
Be happy. Happiness is inside of us, not outside. Don't need things or people or anything to be happy. Just be it. Because all the things you can think of eventually will go missing, and if your happiness depends on it, well, I think you can guess the outcome. Yeah sure we are bounded to follow this road as much as we want to get out of it. But every step you take, be it forward, backwards or sideways just make sure you are enjoying it. Nothing else matters. Things, like friends, money, your soul-mate, etc., will just eventually get to you. Life works ins mysterious ways. Don't try to understand everything. Just enjoy it while it lasts. Don't be to hard on yourself when making mistakes. Just laugh about them and try to be a better person. Don't worry too much in always making the right choice, because you won't.
I don't optimize for money, but tbh money is still a factor that shouldn't be downplayed. Being in a position to not have to worry about money (including my own circumstance) is a tremendous stroke of fortune that needs to be appreciated. That being said, as you say, after a certain point more money gives very little rewards (I think that the greatest reward of money is security, freedom, and flexibility in life decisions), and it's a good time to reflect on what gives you great satisfaction in life.
Agh gosh I don't what happened I just started typing and kept on going. Hopefully someone gets something positive about all of this. As I said: I just finished college,and I'm 23. I would love to be 30's one day and look back and point out what went right and what went wrong. This is going to be legen WAIT FOR IT dary.
GL! 
|
thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
On March 05 2015 03:51 QuanticHawk wrote:
Good blog as usual
I agree with all but #3. I agree with the premise of it, but not that you should do it in the first year. I would say do gen eds, use your electives on things that interest you, and commit to a major by your 2nd year. All the hard stuff is in your major anyway. There's no rush to commit at 17/18. Get a little more experience first.
Yeah, the specifics will probably differ from school to school.
|
|
|
This is a great read, I really love all the advice in here
|
I would more or less agree with everything you've written, and while those points have their merits, my top 10 would likely be different. I'm not even halfway into my 20s yet though so perhaps that doesn't mean much  .
Two things that I would definitely have in my list so far, which I really only learned the last couple years:
- Travel. Go see the world. Not just a week vacation to Hawaii, go actually explore. It changed my life massively in the best way possible. It's made me realize and discover things about not only other people and places that intrigue me, but especially about myself since I spent the whole time together and only had myself to rely on.
- Put in effort to keep a healthy lifestyle. This mostly refers to nutrition/personal health, but spiritually/mentally as well. This applies throughout your whole life naturally, but it's best learned earlier sooner than later. A lot of people don't stop and review themselves to evaluate their happiness and health. You'll be on this planet a long time, do yourself a favour.
|
I think you nailed it with the greatest rewards of money: security, freedom, and flexibility in life decisions. Answers appreciated. Nice reflection blog.
I agree as well with the other two points: take care of your health and travel.
The first one, well, should be for obvious reasons. But I'm not sure everybody thinks so. People only really care about health when they don't have it. We should always take care of ourselves, I can't stress this enough. You don't really have to follow the "I want to live forever road": be a vegetarian, run 5 miles a day, go 3 hours to the gym, don't go to much under the sun and use sunscreen, etc. But rather just make sure you stay away of the "I want to die soon" road: eat junk food, pizza, tacos, and fast food every single day, be lazy even to take a walk, party every weekend, drink and do drugs like if there was no tomorrow, don't wash (clean habits) yourself, etc.
And the second, travel, well, I truly believe that its a great point as well. This one is a tricky one in my opinion though. Traveling involves most of the time substantial amounts of money and time. Also, for some people is harder just the fact to travel, having VISAs and other things that just deny you the privilege of it.
If your parents can support you, or you already have successful businesses by your early to mid 20´s, well that's an easy answer: travel a lot. Go explore. Go meet people. Go learn other ways (cultures). Eat different stuff. Try different weathers. Live a different life. What's there more rewarding of getting to really know your world? Usually what this makes is that it will either assure you of who you are and understand why you truly love where you live and all the people around you and it will just make your passion burn stronger to keep on going and reach your goals. That, or the opposite, such as realize you don't really enjoy where you live, your current situation in your country, going back to the same habits just makes nonsense and you're willing to start a new you, be it there or somewhere else. This is great, instead of the great majority I think that can't really afford this luxury and just have to settle with what they have, who they are and where they are, make the best out of their unique situations without really knowing for certain if that's for you, if out there is something that suits you better...
But for people that don't really have easy choice, there are a lot of tradeoffs, as for example myself: should I earn enough money to go travel somewhere? I really want to. I'm sure I'll have the greatest time of my life. But when I get back, it'll be like beginning from scratch again, with no savings, I just force myself to work more time, and it just delays all my plans in life. Or should I wait until I have my own business and my incomes can truly support my traveling experiences? This could as well never happen. Oh well, that is life I guess. Taking risks.
I could as well just settle down, decide just to focus on my simple, quite life, read the news, smoke my pipe, and one day, a pack of dwarves and a gray wizard will just talk me into going with them into an unexpected journey.
|
I'm a few years ahead in my mid 30s but agree on all points. I miss "my people" sometimes, that is why I am making my own. (Chinese gold farmers)
|
You seem to be too hard on yourself for the 'mistakes' you made. They're learning and growth opportunities. Everyone will continuously make mistakes and fail at things for the rest of their life; it's about learning from them and responding in a positive way.
Last year, I had one of my worst academic conference presentations of my life at a really poor time as I'll soon be on the market for hopefully an R1 position (top research position at a university). That only motivated me to make sure at this current conference I'm at, I'll be much more prepared, and it resulted in the best presentation of my life with some key people in the audience.
Does this mean our memories from Paris with Blake and James means we're not friends Haji?!
|
Solid advice! Investment vs hobby is definitely a good thing to keep in the back of your mind when making big decisions and 7 is just so true. I still don't watch much TV and I'm kind of a hermit (although I do prefer it like that) but I do notice that doing things like watching TV shows or keeping up with sports is a fantastic and easy way to make small talk. I can't say I followed all your advice but I can't say I disagree with any of them.
Traveling on the other hand, while I think it's great, I don't think it's for everyone.
|
First of all, I love this post. A great perspective and very mature, and hopefully helpful to a lot of people!
I'm not quite sold on number 7 though. I'm not a big TV watcher, and I think that's okay, the people who love to watch and talk about TV are "not my people". I can talk about sports or family or jobs or even movies with people if I'm meeting someone new, and I've never felt like I couldn't make connections with people because I don't watch the same TV shows as them. I definitely don't think you should take hours of your life watching shows when you'd rather do something else just for talking to new people.
I definitely wish I had hosted more board game nights though, now I want to have them way more and it's hard to find time more than a couple a month.
|
I have to gripe about #10. You don't need to self identify with a group to be happy at all and that is to say that you can self identify with MANY groups of people.
A little background about myself: I'm a 30 year old white male from Vermont who lived in New Mexico for the last 5 years and have been living/working in silicon valley since November now. I grew up playing every sport there was (most weren't organized), playing video games, hunting, working on computers, climbing trees and hiking, chorus, you get the idea... My work history includes working in a large steel fabrication company and doing every aspect of that fabrication, providing tech support for a school district, a stint as a legal assistant, and I'm currently with a start up working with semi conductors.
Hopefully this should give some insight as to why I might not identify with a single group of people. The people that are closest to me are people who just enjoy your company as much as you enjoy theirs. Not all of your passions have to align for this to happen and not all of the people are going to fall into the same group. In fact I think if you find yourself only hanging out with one type of person or group of people you're probably missing out on some things. The best advice I've ever heard was "Do what you fear because you'll never grow doing what you already know."
|
On March 06 2015 12:08 phiinix wrote:
Traveling on the other hand, while I think it's great, I don't think it's for everyone.
I have travelled a bit. It is honestly the best conversation piece, besides that I don't really like it. The break from the everyday life is the only part I really like compared with normal days at home. That break can be gotten easier than having to travel though.
Perhaps I have just gone to the wrong places (Seattle, Frankfurt, London, Helsinki, Copenhagen, various places in Sweden) but I honestly don't see the charm in spending money on it. If I could travel for free I would probably like it more but that isn't the case.
|
I'm about to turn 26. I agree with all your points.
I majored in Mechanical Engineering when I probably should have went EE or CS. Glad to hear that you would have rather done CS than EE. Grass is always greener, I guess
|
Other than watching TV, which I find as an incredibly boring topic, pretty ok advice.
|
Yo watching TV is so important.
I don't watch anything on TV, except Football, and if I didn't have that I would be so awkward with people hahaha
It's just something almost everyone can relate to
Other People: What do you like to do?
Me: Read Books, play video games, listen to music.
Others: What kind?
Me: Non-Fiction, Starcraft, Classical
Others: ... Interesting
Me: ... I also watch football
Others: Oh cool! Did you see the playoff game last night?
Me: Yeah I can't believe how they literally threw the game at the end
etc etc...
Also good tips OP
|
Calgary25977 Posts
What about dummies sleeping on your floor?
|
|
|
|
|
Wow one of the nicest blogs i've read from TL.
ty for sharing
|
Wow your early 20s sound like my position right now. I am graduating in EE next May/I regret not doing CS. CS would have let me develop my own software while EE kinda leaves me forced to work for a large company. Luckily I have an internship lined up in Silicon Valley, but you are 100% right when it comes to your 1st point. 95% of people stay in the general vicinity of where to go to University. Last year I had an internship in Iowa and it was kinda lonely honestly. Going to school in Texas and then adventuring to different parts of the U.S is interesting and a great learning experience not only from a work perspective but also of different regional nuances in the U.S.
Sorry for such a rambling post, but your blog kinda hit home with me.
Thanks for the great write up.
|
This was way different than what I was expecting from you, or what I know of you from TL anyway but thanks.
|
thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
On March 06 2015 11:41 Dknight wrote:
You seem to be too hard on yourself for the 'mistakes' you made. They're learning and growth opportunities. Everyone will continuously make mistakes and fail at things for the rest of their life; it's about learning from them and responding in a positive way.
Haha well I never actually got down on myself for these "mistakes", because somehow I managed to keep chugging along.
Last year, I had one of my worst academic conference presentations of my life at a really poor time as I'll soon be on the market for hopefully an R1 position (top research position at a university). That only motivated me to make sure at this current conference I'm at, I'll be much more prepared, and it resulted in the best presentation of my life with some key people in the audience.
Oh man academia can be brutal. ><
GL dude.
Does this mean our memories from Paris with Blake and James means we're not friends Haji?!
Earlier drafts of this post actually had references to that ridiculousness in Paris haha.
I still remember the four of us cramming into one large bed to sleep hahaha. Good times!
|
thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
On March 08 2015 15:48 Chill wrote:
What about dummies sleeping on your floor?
Man all those guys are closer to being corpses on the floor by now.
Working in Japan is brutal man.
On March 09 2015 03:39 mrRoflpwn wrote:
Wow your early 20s sound like my position right now. I am graduating in EE next May/I regret not doing CS. CS would have let me develop my own software while EE kinda leaves me forced to work for a large company. Luckily I have an internship lined up in Silicon Valley, but you are 100% right when it comes to your 1st point. 95% of people stay in the general vicinity of where to go to University. Last year I had an internship in Iowa and it was kinda lonely honestly. Going to school in Texas and then adventuring to different parts of the U.S is interesting and a great learning experience not only from a work perspective but also of different regional nuances in the U.S.
Yeah each of the psychologically toughest times in my life were when I went somewhere new and didn't have a close group of friends nearby anymore. I can 100% relate with that loneliness. 
Sorry for such a rambling post, but your blog kinda hit home with me.
Thanks for the great write up.
Glad it helped!
LMK when you get to SV in the summer. I'll buy you a beer.
|
thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
On March 09 2015 02:16 goody153 wrote:
Wow one of the nicest blogs i've read from TL.
Thanks! Means a lot to me.
On March 09 2015 08:42 Ack1027 wrote:
This was way different than what I was expecting from you, or what I know of you from TL anyway but thanks.
Haha most people I've met via TL IRL have had reactions along the lines of:
"WTF? How are you such an angry elitist asshole online yet a happy smiling drunkard irl?" 
|
I am a little disappointed in this blog. These seem like little tips rather than lessons that you have learned. What about falling in love, purchasing a home, starting a life, planning a family, having children, talking to the one you are with, being a man, overcoming serious obstacles, contributing to a relationship, financial burdens.
I mean, I would think that most college kids would understand how to use career services to their advantage. Did it really take a decade for you to learn that a job fare at a school is a good idea? Overpay your share of the bill.. seriously?
Are there any big picture lessons that you have learned or experienced? Those might be more valuable or interesting to share.
|
Was hoping at least one of those points was going to be about squatting!
|
|
|
|
|
Number 1 struck me hard. I go to a college in a rural area about 40+ minutes from any sort of large town/city. My girlfriend is one year behind me, and we plan on living together next year. I am graduating in 2 months, and she needs to live near school, so i have to live in a rural area and risk finding a shit job, but I love this girl so....
Also that first year advice is great. Take it easy the first semester, then ramp up the workload and difficulty the second semester to test your work ethic. Another good piece of advice would be to map out your plan for your four years in school. MAKE SURE you are on the right track and have fulfilled all credit requirements way ahead of time so you dont get to your senior year and realize you made a mistake. College Advisors are terrible (in my experience) at helping you with this.
Great blog.
|
Wow you must be a very brave citizen to swallow that garbage called TV.
|
Remarking that last point to "Be with your people". I spend the greater portion of high school and the latter 3-4 years going along with the crowd. Looking back I was kind of an intellectual who enjoyed books and video games, yet followed my best childhood friend into the 'cool' crowd.
I guess that is why I really enjoy playing competitive Starcraft at the age of 28, because I never got too do it when I was younger. Too busy surviving high school and trying to be cool. lol. That being said the 'people' I'm finding now are just normal people who are into fitness and normal stuff. Because I love my life outside Starcraft and kind of have a dual personality.
Great post 10/10.
|
On March 16 2015 10:18 Dan26 wrote:
Remarking that last point to "Be with your people". I spend the greater portion of high school and the latter 3-4 years going along with the crowd. Looking back I was kind of an intellectual who enjoyed books and video games, yet followed my best childhood friend into the 'cool' crowd.
I guess that is why I really enjoy playing competitive Starcraft at the age of 28, because I never got too do it when I was younger. Too busy surviving high school and trying to be cool. lol. That being said the 'people' I'm finding now are just normal people who are into fitness and normal stuff. Because I love my life outside Starcraft and kind of have a dual personality.
Great post 10/10.
Isn't it great that we when are older we don't have to try to be cool? So glad that part of life is over, lol. I guess I never really tried that hard to be cool, nor was I overly successful, but it's much nicer to just be yourself.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
