EPTIf you are not that sure about your feelings you shouldn't be marrying in the first place.
Having to live together before marriage is bs.
Need opinions on an important issue with my fiance - Page 3
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Steveling
Greece10806 Posts
If you are not that sure about your feelings you shouldn't be marrying in the first place. Having to live together before marriage is bs. | ||
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SongByungWewt
China593 Posts
And honestly there was nothing obvious in your post except that you wanted people to look at studies. Which is what I responded to. So I don't understand why you're cursing up a storm and chewing holes in your underwear about it. But travis isn't interested in stats so I guess if you want to discuss this further we can PM. As to travis' situation, postponing sounds totally okay to me. I know plenty of ppl who postponed engagements for timing reasons and it was no impediment to their later marriage. Same with not cohabiting. There are exceptions to everything. But if you want to cohabit and think there is more to know, then I think it's a good instinct. Go with your gut. Don't worry about whether it's morally/rationally right or wrong or justified. You're 50% of the marriage, everyone else except your wife is 0%. You should have full say in how it progresses. | ||
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Deleted User 3420
24492 Posts
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Djzapz
Canada10681 Posts
On January 11 2014 11:00 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote: They have their reasons. It is unlikely that they think that living together before marriage is inherently a sin, I have never heard of such a belief in any portion of the Bible or Christianity. It is most likely that they are afraid of something that may happen as a result of living together, in which case you should be able to assuage their fears. Unless, of course, they're afraid that now that they've let their daughter off the leash, she's going to run right into premarital sex and drugs and sin and heresy and damnation. Then again, if that's the case, they probably wouldn't support her being in a relationship in general. It's part of the belief that sex before marriage is bad and the idea is that cohabitation will most likely lead to sex. I'm sure that in many cases, Christians are opposed to cohabitation itself because of old traditions or whatever. Friends of the family don't know that the two people hook up, but if two people live together, odds are that they do. It's part of the whole thing where people who have a kid out of "wedlock" will get married because that's how that situation is usually dealt with. | ||
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Djzapz
Canada10681 Posts
On January 11 2014 11:04 SongByungWewt wrote: Woah man, mad aggressive. You should embrace your inner light more often. I don't think it's a good idea to look at studies. Especially about something like who you spend your life with. Do you really think there is a science to human relationships?Look to yourself for answers. There's no data out there that'll tell you who you personally should be with and how you should get along with them. Inner light? x_x And there's no science to it, but sociology and psychology try to get some understanding of human behavior. As a politcial science master student, I'm very aware of the flaw in studies, and I seem to be more aware than you about the flaw in people's opinions that they make up on the fly. And honestly there was nothing obvious in your post except that you wanted people to look at studies. Which is what I responded to. So I don't understand why you're cursing up a storm and chewing holes in your underwear about it. But travis isn't interested in stats so I guess if you want to discuss this further we can PM. My post said that studies should be at least considered and not dismissed with the back of the hand. If you want to get a good idea of a phenomenon, look at all the sources of information. That's all. Feel free to dismiss them AFTER having looked into them, or dismiss parts of those studies and sources of information. Ignoring shit is not a good idea. | ||
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packrat386
United States5077 Posts
On January 11 2014 11:07 travis wrote: why did people 1 star this. lol, geeze Welcome to blogging. :/ | ||
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AnachronisticAnarchy
United States2957 Posts
On January 11 2014 11:08 Djzapz wrote: It's part of the belief that sex before marriage is bad and the idea is that cohabitation will most likely lead to sex. I'm sure that in many cases, Christians are opposed to cohabitation itself because of old traditions or whatever. Friends of the family don't know that the two people hook up, but if two people live together, odds are that they do. It's part of the whole thing where people who have a kid out of "wedlock" will get married because that's how that situation is usually dealt with. I hope that's not the case. Amusing belief either way, considering there are couples like Incontrol and Anna Prosser that managed to hold off until marriage. Say what you will about anecdotal evidence, but that's rather impressive. If that's what the parents believe, they are either uneducated of what people are capable of, or they lack faith in your (or their daughter's) virtue. I'm kinda surprised Travis hasn't talked to the parents yet, though. That's kind of important considering they're the ones actually making the decision. | ||
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CecilSunkure
United States2829 Posts
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Leeoku
1617 Posts
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Thrill
2599 Posts
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SongByungWewt
China593 Posts
On January 11 2014 12:14 Thrill wrote: As far as disownment, grand children will fix that if it's even a realistic concern. Fat babies are the ultimate weapon when it comes to family reconciliations. To Djzapz: You very well could be more aware than me. I am not sure. I do not know you well enough. But you seem like a pretty credible fellow so I'll take your word for it. | ||
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hp.Shell
United States2527 Posts
On January 11 2014 10:19 travis wrote: Something that really bothers me is that her sister actually recently got married after rushing into it, and then got a divorce. Firstly, I thought that a divorce "wasn't christian", and yet they didn't disown her. Secondly, maybe she wouldn't have gotten married if she had lived with the guy for a while first. It's so frustrating. Perhaps the girl you're involved with is the parents' favorite, and they hold her to a higher standard. Still, it seems silly that they would disown her just for moving in with her fiancé. Do they think you aren't sleeping together also? Ridiculous. It's your life, not theirs. I would hate to have to put up with that. It seems like you may be spending more time with them in the future so I guess it's a tough call. I like the talk to their pastor idea and move in secretly idea. Edit: Just learned that fiancé is a woman's man, and fiancée is a man's woman. Lol. | ||
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ETisME
12384 Posts
You can just live close to her I think. | ||
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Darkwhite
Norway348 Posts
That said, your fiancee is an adult. The idea of the two of you making important decisions on the basis of her parents' blackmail is very sketchy. While it's not that big a sacrifice for you to make in this specific instance, if her parents are going to keep sticking their noses in none-of-their-business, and if that's going to keep trumping what you think is important, you're in for a world of trouble. If the whole parents are going to disown me is just an underhanded way for her to get her will, that's worse yet. If she understands that your relationship is going to be about making the two of you and not her parents happy, and if this is just sort of the last formality before they start treating her as a grown up, and if this isn't really all that big a deal for you, then there's really no problem at all. | ||
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hp.Shell
United States2527 Posts
On January 11 2014 13:38 ETisME wrote: The worst thing you can do is to make her choose between you and her parents. You can just live close to her I think. I like this idea, why not move in next door?  Perhaps it is simply an awkward test to see how you will handle yourself, and they don't actually care of the outcome, they just want to see what you will do? | ||
lichter
1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22272 Posts
On January 11 2014 13:38 ETisME wrote: The worst thing you can do is to make her choose between you and her parents. You can just live close to her I think. If I were you, I would first talk to her parents about it (desire to get married sooner, cohabitation, etc), then suggest asking their pastor/religious leader about it, then suggest this idea which I actually really like. I also do not agree with making a girl choose between you and her parents. | ||
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AnachronisticAnarchy
United States2957 Posts
On January 11 2014 11:52 CecilSunkure wrote: Lol if you speak with the "religious leader" he's just going to be judgmental. Waste of time. Really depends on the guy and how you approach him. Many of the greatest saints and religious leaders who ever lived were praised the most for their humility. Heck, one of Jesus's defining traits is that he treated everyone else as a son of God and himself as a bottom-of-the-barrel servant. | ||
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packrat386
United States5077 Posts
On January 11 2014 11:52 CecilSunkure wrote: Lol if you speak with the "religious leader" he's just going to be judgmental. Waste of time. It depends what religion we're talking about here and what kind of pastor/priest/whatever they happen to have. They might be hardcore catholics in a relatively liberal parish. edit: didn't really finish my train of thought (its late). Basically, you don't know this. Religious leaders vary in their liberalness and judgmentalness ( <-- totally not a word). | ||
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tili
United States1332 Posts
I'd say, best to respect their wishes and preserve family unity, as that will matter in the long run, while living together before you get married is a short term situation. | ||
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endy
Switzerland8970 Posts
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