• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 12:21
CEST 18:21
KST 01:21
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
[ASL19] Finals Recap: Standing Tall9HomeStory Cup 27 - Info & Preview18Classic wins Code S Season 2 (2025)16Code S RO4 & Finals Preview: herO, Rogue, Classic, GuMiho0TL Team Map Contest #5: Presented by Monster Energy6
Community News
Weekly Cups (June 30 - July 6): Classic Doubles2[BSL20] Non-Korean Championship 4x BSL + 4x China8Flash Announces Hiatus From ASL66Weekly Cups (June 23-29): Reynor in world title form?14FEL Cracov 2025 (July 27) - $8000 live event22
StarCraft 2
General
The SCII GOAT: A statistical Evaluation The GOAT ranking of GOAT rankings Weekly Cups (June 23-29): Reynor in world title form? Weekly Cups (June 30 - July 6): Classic Doubles Program: SC2 / XSplit / OBS Scene Switcher
Tourneys
RSL: Revival, a new crowdfunded tournament series FEL Cracov 2025 (July 27) - $8000 live event Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament WardiTV Mondays Korean Starcraft League Week 77
Strategy
How did i lose this ZvP, whats the proper response Simple Questions Simple Answers
Custom Maps
[UMS] Zillion Zerglings
External Content
Mutation # 481 Fear and Lava Mutation # 480 Moths to the Flame Mutation # 479 Worn Out Welcome Mutation # 478 Instant Karma
Brood War
General
Flash Announces Hiatus From ASL SC uni coach streams logging into betting site BW General Discussion BGH Auto Balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/ ASL20 Preliminary Maps
Tourneys
[BSL20] Grand Finals - Sunday 20:00 CET CSL Xiamen International Invitational [BSL20] Non-Korean Championship 4x BSL + 4x China The Casual Games of the Week Thread
Strategy
Simple Questions, Simple Answers I am doing this better than progamers do.
Other Games
General Games
Nintendo Switch Thread Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Path of Exile What do you want from future RTS games? Beyond All Reason
Dota 2
Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
TL Mafia Community Thread Vanilla Mini Mafia
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread Russo-Ukrainian War Thread Stop Killing Games - European Citizens Initiative Summer Games Done Quick 2024! Summer Games Done Quick 2025!
Fan Clubs
SKT1 Classic Fan Club! Maru Fan Club
Media & Entertainment
Anime Discussion Thread [Manga] One Piece [\m/] Heavy Metal Thread
Sports
Formula 1 Discussion 2024 - 2025 Football Thread NBA General Discussion TeamLiquid Health and Fitness Initiative For 2023 NHL Playoffs 2024
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread
TL Community
The Automated Ban List
Blogs
Culture Clash in Video Games…
TrAiDoS
from making sc maps to makin…
Husyelt
Blog #2
tankgirl
StarCraft improvement
iopq
Trip to the Zoo
micronesia
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 677 users

Need opinions on an important issue with my fiance

Blogs > Deleted User 3420
Post a Reply
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Next All
Deleted User 3420
Profile Blog Joined May 2003
24492 Posts
January 10 2014 22:39 GMT
#1
Ok, I will try to keep this short.

I am engaged with a woman I love very much. She is 24, I am 29. I am in the military and she is in law school in another state. I wanted to get married a bit sooner than we actually are, but her parents want her to wait until she is completely done with law school (1.5 years from now) for us to get married. I am respecting their wishes and waiting for this.

I will probably be separating from the air force early and going back to school. I want to go move in with her, she is my fiance so it seems not only reasonable but important to do so. She says she would love for me to move in with her but that her parents will not allow it because of religious beliefs(very christian). I think this is incredibly stupid.

She claims that if she went against her parents they would disown her. I do think that she believes this to be true (but i suspect it's a massive exaggeration of the reality of what would happen).

Regardless, I am not sure this is something I want to compromise about. Not living with her before we get married is a very bad idea yeah?

What do you guys think about this?

**
Paljas
Profile Joined October 2011
Germany6926 Posts
January 10 2014 22:46 GMT
#2
maybe you could try to talk to the parents? kinda risky tho.

TL+ Member
packrat386
Profile Blog Joined October 2011
United States5077 Posts
January 10 2014 22:49 GMT
#3
You could trying seeing what their religious leader thinks about it first. A lot of pastors/priests now recommend that couples live together before being married. That said, s/he might not back you up and then you would arguably be worse off than before.
dreaming of a sunny day
sam!zdat
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
United States5559 Posts
January 10 2014 22:53 GMT
#4
On January 11 2014 07:39 travis wrote:
Not living with her before we get married is a very bad idea yeah?


it's a terrible, terrible idea. i'm eternally grateful that I lived with my ex-girlfriend, because if we hadn't lived together, we might have gotten married. quelle horreur
shikata ga nai
mizU
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States12125 Posts
January 10 2014 22:56 GMT
#5
propose talking to her parents with her, it'll allow you to rationally present your points and listen to theirs, and you as a couple can make a decision there after her parents have said their piece
if happy ever afters did exist <3 @watamizu_
Pokebunny
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
United States10654 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-01-10 22:57:51
January 10 2014 22:57 GMT
#6
I agree that it's not something you want to compromise about. As close as you might be and as sure as you might be that the person is right for you, things can change, and one or the other might realize that is not the life they want to lead, even if they're happy with the person on the surface. I'm surprised you'd even get engaged before doing it tbh - you seem to be at the point where you're kind of committed to marrying her either way, and that might have been a mistake - but it's quite concerning.
Semipro Terran player | Pokebunny#1710 | twitter.com/Pokebunny | twitch.tv/Pokebunny | facebook.com/PokebunnySC
Djzapz
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
Canada10681 Posts
January 10 2014 22:58 GMT
#7
My ex was from Texas and she lived here. Her mom literally disowned her after she learned that I was an atheist. From my understanding, she was taken out of her mother's will. As for how she learned that I'm a heathen, I have no idea.

Regardless, don't fuck with your fiance's limits, you guys will live together soon enough if you're doing well together.
"My incompetence with power tools had been increasing exponentially over the course of 20 years spent inhaling experimental oven cleaners"
EJK
Profile Blog Joined September 2013
United States1302 Posts
January 10 2014 22:58 GMT
#8
Have you explained your side to the parents yet? And what does she have to lose if she gets disowned? (college tuition, allowance, trust fund?)
Sc2 Terran Coach, top 16GM NA - interested in coaching? Message me on teamliquid!
SongByungWewt
Profile Joined October 2013
China593 Posts
January 10 2014 22:59 GMT
#9
I'm with sam! It's a terrible idea to get married before co-habitating. It's like walking blindfolded into a hallway full of swords smeared with pigshit.

Also, this girl does not seem very self-actualized with all the talk about disowning and marriage after education is complete etc. A lot of girls, especially American ones, are psychologically immature into their late 20's nowadays. You sure you want to tie the knot with a girl who might change into a whole different person in a half-decade or so? I've seen some girls change pretty dramatically after they get out of school and are introduced to the "real world."

Deleted User 3420
Profile Blog Joined May 2003
24492 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-01-10 23:08:36
January 10 2014 23:04 GMT
#10
There are financial reasons involved where her family is concerned but I don't think they are anything we couldn't overcome.

On January 11 2014 07:59 SongByungWewt wrote:
I'm with sam! It's a terrible idea to get married before co-habitating. It's like walking blindfolded into a hallway full of swords smeared with pigshit.

Also, this girl does not seem very self-actualized with all the talk about disowning and marriage after education is complete etc. A lot of girls, especially American ones, are psychologically immature into their late 20's nowadays. You sure you want to tie the knot with a girl who might change into a whole different person in a half-decade or so? I've seen some girls change pretty dramatically after they get out of school and are introduced to the "real world."


If she changes I don't think it will be in negative ways and I already love her so...


I have not talked to her parents or their pastor (interesting idea). I initially posted this for opinions on how reasonable I am being by being stubborn about this.

I am worried about how it would go talking to her parents.. I suspect reason would not sway them.
YouthSC
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
United Kingdom355 Posts
January 10 2014 23:11 GMT
#11
I think it is extremely risky to marry someone without living with them. It was difficult for me and my gf when we were living together, but we learned through it. I think you would want to live with her before marrying. Talking to her parents and probably the pastor too, to learn the parents' reasons to say no, and the religion, etc... is a good idea.

Good luck!
The more I practice, the luckier I get!
FryBender
Profile Joined January 2011
United States290 Posts
January 10 2014 23:13 GMT
#12
This whole thing sounds crappy. When parents threaten to disown over a religious difference that's bad. Quite honestly it sounds like the parents simply don't like you. If they were truly just being hesitant because of religious reasons then they would actually most likely be pushing you guys to marry not telling you guys to wait for a year and a half for no reason whatsoever (why would she not be able to finish school while married?). The only advice I can give you is you have to start establishing boundaries now. What will happen when you have children? Will you let the grandparents tell you how to raise them under threat of disowning again?
Chairman Ray
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
United States11903 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-01-10 23:32:53
January 10 2014 23:19 GMT
#13
If her parents looks strongly down upon moving in before marriage, I would assume that they are not too fond of divorce either. There's always a danger that after moving in with someone you find you aren't as compatible as you thought you were, and you really don't want this to occur after marriage.

What I would do is to move in together don't tell her parents. This may or may not be a good idea for you though. In my personal experience, my parents are extremely traditional as well and enforce arbitrary rules on me just because they are rules they grew up with and not for any logical reason. I just hide all details of my relationship from my parents and everyone is happy that way. If I get disowned for it, it's a decision that was solely made by my parents and 100% their fault. Perhaps your fiancé isn't as okay with being disowned as I am. If you can reliably move in together and keep it from her parents, might not be a bad thing to consider.

EDIT: I think packrat's idea of speaking with their religious leader first is actually a good idea.
Grobyc
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Canada18410 Posts
January 10 2014 23:30 GMT
#14
On January 11 2014 07:49 packrat386 wrote:
You could trying seeing what their religious leader thinks about it first. A lot of pastors/priests now recommend that couples live together before being married. That said, s/he might not back you up and then you would arguably be worse off than before.

I think this is actually a really good idea. I'm sure there are even a handful of statistics available to show that living together prior to marriage generally has better outcomes.

Regardless of whether or not the pastor/parents side with you I would attempt to do it anyway, but it's worth trying to convince them before proceeding with anything.
If you watch Godzilla backwards it's about a benevolent lizard who helps rebuild a city and then moonwalks into the ocean.
ahswtini
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Northern Ireland22208 Posts
January 10 2014 23:49 GMT
#15
There are important things that you will only learn about each other when you live together - things that can make or break a relationship so you need to know before you get totally committed.
"As I've said, balance isn't about strategies or counters, it's about probability and statistics." - paralleluniverse
teddyoojo
Profile Blog Joined June 2011
Germany22369 Posts
January 10 2014 23:51 GMT
#16
On January 11 2014 08:30 Grobyc wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 11 2014 07:49 packrat386 wrote:
You could trying seeing what their religious leader thinks about it first. A lot of pastors/priests now recommend that couples live together before being married. That said, s/he might not back you up and then you would arguably be worse off than before.

I think this is actually a really good idea. I'm sure there are even a handful of statistics available to show that living together prior to marriage generally has better outcomes.

of course it fucking does
Esports historian since 2000. Creator of 'The Universe' and 'The best scrambled Eggs 2013'. Host of 'Star Wars Marathon 2015'. Thinker of 'teddyoojo's Thoughts'. Earths and Moons leading CS:GO expert. Lord of the Rings.
SongByungWewt
Profile Joined October 2013
China593 Posts
January 10 2014 23:53 GMT
#17
That's like a statistic showing people who practice throwing a baseball 10 hours a day for 3 years are typically better than people who have never thrown a baseball before.
Grobyc
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Canada18410 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-01-11 00:11:13
January 10 2014 23:58 GMT
#18
Um, yeah... I'm not sure why an analogy was necessary, but thanks.
On January 11 2014 08:51 teddyoojo wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 11 2014 08:30 Grobyc wrote:
On January 11 2014 07:49 packrat386 wrote:
You could trying seeing what their religious leader thinks about it first. A lot of pastors/priests now recommend that couples live together before being married. That said, s/he might not back you up and then you would arguably be worse off than before.

I think this is actually a really good idea. I'm sure there are even a handful of statistics available to show that living together prior to marriage generally has better outcomes.

of course it fucking does

Sorry, but what exactly was the point of your post?
If you watch Godzilla backwards it's about a benevolent lizard who helps rebuild a city and then moonwalks into the ocean.
sam!zdat
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
United States5559 Posts
January 11 2014 00:12 GMT
#19
her parents realize that you are fucking, right
shikata ga nai
LockeTazeline
Profile Blog Joined June 2012
2390 Posts
January 11 2014 00:12 GMT
#20
On January 11 2014 08:30 Grobyc wrote:
I'm sure there are even a handful of statistics available to show that living together prior to marriage generally has better outcomes.

Um, not that I could find.

The first statistic I saw was that people who lived together before being married had 50% higher divorce rates than those who hadn't cohabited. http://firstthings.org/marriage-family-fact-sheet (ctrl f "cohabitation")

That data was like 25 years old though. A newer and probably more reliable study by the CDC showed that the rates were pretty close to equal, with the cohabitation rates only being a few percentages higher. http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr049.pdf (page 18)
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Next All
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
RotterdaM Event
16:00
Rotti Stream Rumble 4k Edition
RotterdaM387
Liquipedia
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
mouzHeroMarine 766
Hui .514
RotterdaM 387
MaxPax 372
StarCraft: Brood War
Bisu 1908
Flash 1328
EffOrt 1257
Jaedong 1192
Hyuk 849
Stork 367
actioN 356
Soulkey 282
Soma 248
Snow 194
[ Show more ]
firebathero 178
Mind 100
TY 67
JulyZerg 64
sSak 57
Barracks 51
PianO 50
JYJ47
Sharp 46
Rock 29
Terrorterran 27
Yoon 25
HiyA 21
Aegong 21
soO 16
yabsab 15
GoRush 10
Shine 8
IntoTheRainbow 7
Dota 2
Gorgc6439
qojqva3145
League of Legends
singsing2249
Dendi1180
Counter-Strike
fl0m1096
markeloff182
Super Smash Bros
Mew2King203
Other Games
hiko1521
Beastyqt831
ceh9327
Lowko298
crisheroes236
ArmadaUGS164
KnowMe130
Liquid`VortiX130
Trikslyr58
Organizations
Other Games
gamesdonequick46692
StarCraft 2
angryscii 20
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
sctven
[ Show 16 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• Reevou 6
• intothetv
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• Migwel
• sooper7s
StarCraft: Brood War
• Michael_bg 2
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
League of Legends
• Nemesis7016
• TFBlade745
• Jankos671
Other Games
• Shiphtur266
Upcoming Events
Replay Cast
7h 39m
Sparkling Tuna Cup
17h 39m
WardiTV European League
23h 39m
MaNa vs sebesdes
Mixu vs Fjant
ByuN vs HeRoMaRinE
ShoWTimE vs goblin
Gerald vs Babymarine
Krystianer vs YoungYakov
PiGosaur Monday
1d 7h
The PondCast
1d 17h
WardiTV European League
1d 19h
Jumy vs NightPhoenix
Percival vs Nicoract
ArT vs HiGhDrA
MaxPax vs Harstem
Scarlett vs Shameless
SKillous vs uThermal
uThermal 2v2 Circuit
1d 23h
Replay Cast
2 days
RSL Revival
2 days
ByuN vs SHIN
Clem vs Reynor
Replay Cast
3 days
[ Show More ]
RSL Revival
3 days
Classic vs Cure
FEL
3 days
RSL Revival
4 days
FEL
4 days
FEL
4 days
BSL20 Non-Korean Champi…
5 days
Bonyth vs QiaoGege
Dewalt vs Fengzi
Hawk vs Zhanhun
Sziky vs Mihu
Mihu vs QiaoGege
Zhanhun vs Sziky
Fengzi vs Hawk
Sparkling Tuna Cup
5 days
RSL Revival
5 days
FEL
5 days
BSL20 Non-Korean Champi…
6 days
Bonyth vs Dewalt
QiaoGege vs Dewalt
Hawk vs Bonyth
Sziky vs Fengzi
Mihu vs Zhanhun
QiaoGege vs Zhanhun
Fengzi vs Mihu
Liquipedia Results

Completed

BSL Season 20
HSC XXVII
Heroes 10 EU

Ongoing

JPL Season 2
BSL 2v2 Season 3
Acropolis #3
KCM Race Survival 2025 Season 2
CSL 17: 2025 SUMMER
Copa Latinoamericana 4
Jiahua Invitational
Championship of Russia 2025
RSL Revival: Season 1
Murky Cup #2
BLAST.tv Austin Major 2025
ESL Impact League Season 7
IEM Dallas 2025
PGL Astana 2025
Asian Champions League '25
BLAST Rivals Spring 2025
MESA Nomadic Masters
CCT Season 2 Global Finals
IEM Melbourne 2025

Upcoming

2025 ACS Season 2: Qualifier
CSLPRO Last Chance 2025
CSL Xiamen Invitational
2025 ACS Season 2
CSLPRO Chat StarLAN 3
K-Championship
uThermal 2v2 Main Event
SEL Season 2 Championship
FEL Cracov 2025
Esports World Cup 2025
StarSeries Fall 2025
FISSURE Playground #2
BLAST Open Fall 2025
BLAST Open Fall Qual
Esports World Cup 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall Qual
IEM Cologne 2025
FISSURE Playground #1
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2025 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.