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I started reflecting a bit upon this topic after my physiotherapist asked me bluntly why I was always smiling during the shockwave sessions. I just shrugged it off jokingly with masochism, yet it hurt so much she was forced to hold my legs in place. In my thoughts, my smile is always like a wry smile, but I assume it looks identical to a genuine smile to other people.
Working in a grocery store, you notice the disgusting smiles all the fucking time, and they are never genuine. You smile because you're afraid to anger the customers, because it's part of being an automaton; the social context; the service. It doesn't have anything to do with whether you're happy or not. I'm sure it's the same for all the customers. I force myself not to smile or greet the cashier whenever I'm shopping because I want to spare them another useless facade. I'm sure most people deal with this and it's part of the social culture in many places.
If anyone has seen/read Monster, there is a journalist called Grimmer who is very friendly and polite. He's always smiling. He's not smiling because he's enjoying himself, he's smiling because it's the only emotion he learned how to mimic. His wife left him after his apparent lack of grief at his son's funeral.
I can identify with this so much. I'm just like Grimmer.
I realize most men have difficulties showing emotional weaknesses, but it's more like an inability to me. I can't cry, I can't scream, I can't get angry, I can't laugh, nothing. When my dad had a heart attack, I was so afraid. Not for his life, but for the other relatives suddenly realizing my grief wasn't as real as theirs.
In every social setting with another human being I'm afraid. I'm not especially afraid of big black men or aggressive drunkards, in fact I'm more afraid of small children because they seem to sense that something is wrong with my facade. Probably because they haven't adapted to the idiotic social rules of the adult world. I'm afraid of them, so I smile.
I'm not afraid of death, I'm not afraid of rejection - I'm afraid of human beings. Terrified that they'll notice I'm not one of them.
Fortunately nobody seems to have realized yet. Human beings... they are so stupid sometimes 
(just scribbled down some thoughts cause I couldn't sleep... apologize for the terrible writing)
  
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Why not blend in with the swirling mass of apathy and fake that disgusting socially acceptable smile you sexy beast. Nobody cares but you 
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I find fake smiles very easy to see through. When people smile, the emotion is conveyed in their eyes, not so much their mouth.
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Hmmmm, It is way hard for me to smile unless I am like way happy. My "go-to" face is kinda a pissed off type of one. It takes a solid effort to look not mad at everyone/everything.
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Smiling is often a defense mechanism, you notice it a lot in certain cultures. If you find yourself smiling in situations where you don't know why you're doing it, try to pinpoint the emotional state underneath it all. You'll probably find a repressed feeling of some sort.
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Also your feelings of alienation are probably the result of some underlying psychological trauma which affected the neurochemical structure of your brain. Have you tried seeing a psychotherapist instead of a physiotherapist? Find someone with a good psychodynamic orientation and see if that doesn't help you get to the root of the issue.
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On August 05 2013 13:21 MaxField wrote:
Hmmmm, It is way hard for me to smile unless I am like way happy. My "go-to" face is kinda a pissed off type of one. It takes a solid effort to look not mad at everyone/everything.
I have this same problem. Everyone always thinks I'm upset. Even when I'm happy or amused, I don't smile or laugh beyond maybe a little "heh" unless it's really funny.
The same goes for sadness. I don't cry very often either.
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If I'm sad people are mad at me. If I'm angry people are mad at me. If I'm happy people are mad at me. The only thing people want me to be is a robot. Think about that for a second.
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I think you just admitted to being a sociopath dude on some level or another. I feel like if you're reflecting on this, you aren't like grimmer whatsoever lol.
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Fake smiles are not always entirely fake, after all, if your brain thinks you should smile but your natural smile reflex isn't enabled it doesn't mean all that much. I often give people these supposed fake smiles, but often it's just that I'm in a state of mind that might not allow a shining natural smile.
Trying to smile in a situation is at least worth some merit, even tho it isn't entirely convincing or supposedly genuine.
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or you could treat cashiers like people instead of saving them from the heinous facade of human decency/politeness. Quit thinking you`re superior because you can see the superficiality of superficial human interaction. It can be as genuine as you want it to be, assuming you have a shred of empathy.
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1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22272 Posts
I smile because I want to make people's days just a little bit better. Can't deny that a smile feels better to get than a frown. Helps that I have nice teeth though.
About smiling when it's inappropriate or your lack of empathy.. yeah it might be sociopathy.
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The majority of grocery smiles is sincere. Don't really get why you're trying to ruin people's days.
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On August 05 2013 14:22 ZERG_RUSSIAN wrote:
Smiling is often a defense mechanism, you notice it a lot in certain cultures. If you find yourself smiling in situations where you don't know why you're doing it, try to pinpoint the emotional state underneath it all. You'll probably find a repressed feeling of some sort.
Yeah, it's very widespread here in Scandinavia using smiles as defense mechanisms. Im definitely not the only one doing this. And like I said, the underlying emotion is fear.
On August 05 2013 14:24 ZERG_RUSSIAN wrote:
Also your feelings of alienation are probably the result of some underlying psychological trauma which affected the neurochemical structure of your brain. Have you tried seeing a psychotherapist instead of a physiotherapist? Find someone with a good psychodynamic orientation and see if that doesn't help you get to the root of the issue.
I have talked to several psychotherapists, it never ended very well. One of them considered me a liability and didn't want me as her patient, another one considered me in no need to talk to a psychotherapist, another one was too stuck on her CBT methods to create a honest dialogue between us two. And so on. I'm pretty apathic, I rarely speak unless asked a question. So it doesn't work well with most of them. It's expensive and a waste of time for the most part.
On August 05 2013 15:27 docvoc wrote:
I think you just admitted to being a sociopath dude on some level or another. I feel like if you're reflecting on this, you aren't like grimmer whatsoever lol.
On August 05 2013 16:09 lichter wrote:
I smile because I want to make people's days just a little bit better. Can't deny that a smile feels better to get than a frown. Helps that I have nice teeth though.
About smiling when it's inappropriate or your lack of empathy.. yeah it might be sociopathy.
I don't think you two know what you're talking about. Sociopathy is very different, in fact the reverse. They are good at displaying social emotions (not just smiling) to manipulate other people, but underneath they can't feel anything.
In contrast, I can experience all kind of emotions (and even empathy) but I don't know how my body should act while being filled with an emotion. Do you see the difference?
On August 05 2013 15:47 Scarecrow wrote:
or you could treat cashiers like people instead of saving them from the heinous facade of human decency/politeness. Quit thinking you`re superior because you can see the superficiality of superficial human interaction. It can be as genuine as you want it to be, assuming you have a shred of empathy.
Alienation is not the same as superiority, I think you are confusing things. I'm at a safe distance from others, not above or below, but sideways. I don't feel any pleasure looking down upon other human beings.
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1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22272 Posts
On August 05 2013 19:25 Shauni wrote:Show nested quote +On August 05 2013 15:27 docvoc wrote:
I think you just admitted to being a sociopath dude on some level or another. I feel like if you're reflecting on this, you aren't like grimmer whatsoever lol. Show nested quote +On August 05 2013 16:09 lichter wrote:
I smile because I want to make people's days just a little bit better. Can't deny that a smile feels better to get than a frown. Helps that I have nice teeth though.
About smiling when it's inappropriate or your lack of empathy.. yeah it might be sociopathy. I don't think you two know what you're talking about. Sociopathy is very different, in fact the reverse. They are good at displaying social emotions (not just smiling) to manipulate other people, but underneath they can't feel anything. In contrast, I can experience all kind of emotions (and even empathy) but I don't know how my body should act while being filled with an emotion. Do you see the difference?
Well
On August 05 2013 12:33 Shauni wrote:
Working in a grocery store, you notice the disgusting smiles all the fucking time, and they are never genuine.
I realize most men have difficulties showing emotional weaknesses, but it's more like an inability to me. I can't cry, I can't scream, I can't get angry, I can't laugh, nothing. When my dad had a heart attack, I was so afraid. Not for his life, but for the other relatives suddenly realizing my grief wasn't as real as theirs.
Probably because they haven't adapted to the idiotic social rules of the adult world.
Based on the above quotes you make it sound like you have difficulty feeling socially acceptable or appropriate emotions, and in a way also lack empathy.
Of course if you just weren't able to express yourself correctly (since you say you did just scribble it down) and you actually do feel socially appropriate emotions, but just lack the ability to express them correctly, then yeah it is something else. It's still not a good thing though.
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On August 05 2013 19:25 Shauni wrote:Show nested quote +On August 05 2013 15:47 Scarecrow wrote:
or you could treat cashiers like people instead of saving them from the heinous facade of human decency/politeness. Quit thinking you`re superior because you can see the superficiality of superficial human interaction. It can be as genuine as you want it to be, assuming you have a shred of empathy. Alienation is not the same as superiority... I don't feel any pleasure looking down upon other human beings. It's still a superiority complex, whether you consciously take pleasure in it or not.
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To all pissed off by fake smile policy: move to Poland. In my country, people are smiling very rarely, even if they are cashiers. If someone tells them 'Keep smiling!', the appropriate answer is usually 'Fuck off!'. That pretty much guarantees that every smile you see on a street or elsewhere comes from the real feeling of joy and satisfaction. Other than those rare moments, it's like CJ Entus -_- expression all the time, on 38 millions of faces.
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On August 05 2013 21:03 Scarecrow wrote:Show nested quote +On August 05 2013 19:25 Shauni wrote:On August 05 2013 15:47 Scarecrow wrote:
or you could treat cashiers like people instead of saving them from the heinous facade of human decency/politeness. Quit thinking you`re superior because you can see the superficiality of superficial human interaction. It can be as genuine as you want it to be, assuming you have a shred of empathy. Alienation is not the same as superiority... I don't feel any pleasure looking down upon other human beings. It's still a superiority complex, whether you consciously take pleasure in it or not.
He definitively has a superiority complex.
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On August 05 2013 12:53 Chairman Ray wrote:
I find fake smiles very easy to see through. When people smile, the emotion is conveyed in their eyes, not so much their mouth.
You can fake an eye smile so easily once you know it's not about the mouth. While I perfectly know what the OP is talking about I learned to do what works, and not what I think should be done when nobody else in the world agrees. You can fake an emotion until you start to genuinely feel it everytime you want to pull the trigger. It's just that easy.
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On August 05 2013 23:27 Elem wrote:Show nested quote +On August 05 2013 21:03 Scarecrow wrote:On August 05 2013 19:25 Shauni wrote:On August 05 2013 15:47 Scarecrow wrote:
or you could treat cashiers like people instead of saving them from the heinous facade of human decency/politeness. Quit thinking you`re superior because you can see the superficiality of superficial human interaction. It can be as genuine as you want it to be, assuming you have a shred of empathy. Alienation is not the same as superiority... I don't feel any pleasure looking down upon other human beings. It's still a superiority complex, whether you consciously take pleasure in it or not. He definitively has a superiority complex.
That's what every introvert person feels. They feel different. Calling it superiority complex out of ignorance won't help out anyone since this is the way 25% of the population feels about other people.
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I don't think people giving you a fake smile should upset you. Just take it for what it is and move on.
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On August 05 2013 23:45 aTnClouD wrote:Show nested quote +On August 05 2013 23:27 Elem wrote:On August 05 2013 21:03 Scarecrow wrote:On August 05 2013 19:25 Shauni wrote:On August 05 2013 15:47 Scarecrow wrote:
or you could treat cashiers like people instead of saving them from the heinous facade of human decency/politeness. Quit thinking you`re superior because you can see the superficiality of superficial human interaction. It can be as genuine as you want it to be, assuming you have a shred of empathy. Alienation is not the same as superiority... I don't feel any pleasure looking down upon other human beings. It's still a superiority complex, whether you consciously take pleasure in it or not. He definitively has a superiority complex. That's what every introvert person feels. They feel different. Calling it superiority complex out of ignorance won't help out anyone since this is the way 25% of the population feels about other people.
No no. I actually know this guy. I know that he genuinely has one. Please don't blindly call me ignorant.
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I think that's an overly simplified way to look at things. I don't feel, act or believe myself to be superior to anyone in the general sense. I'm pretty self conscious and I don't have a particulary high self esteem, but I don't see other people as saints either. Just because i hate how human beings ACT on the surface doesn't mean i detest their very beings. And even when I do detest their vey beings, it's not a superiority complex because I detest myself (openly) as well.
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Practice smiling, force yourself to smile when alone. Develope those muscles, it realeases seratonin.
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This isn't necessarily a bad thing, it just means that you're an introvert. You might possibly even have a mild case of asperger's syndrome (some people have trouble replicating facial expressions - see http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt69308.html for example). That's not the only cause though, it could be that you suppress your emotions for other reasons - such as your life experiences growing up.
The absolute key thing is to not feel ashamed about it. There are just as many strengths to this issue as there are weaknesses, such as:
1) In a work environment, people will regard you as highly professional as you don't let your emotions get the better of you (or so they think). You will seem to be more determined and focused on the task at hand (even if you are not! ).
2) In social situations, you will seem like a mature and intelligent person as you don't burst out laughing at silly jokes or lose your cool when in a bad situation.
3) People will know that you are not easily manipulated so they won't bullshit you. (This can have the adverse side effect of people not talking to you as much, or avoiding you - but who cares if all they do is chat bullshit anyway )
And remember, facial expressions can be worked on - even if they don't look entirely convincing, it's better than not trying at all.
Hope this helps.
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On August 05 2013 15:27 docvoc wrote:
I think you just admitted to being a sociopath dude on some level or another. I feel like if you're reflecting on this, you aren't like grimmer whatsoever lol.
Yeah no. This feeling of being an emotionless alien among men is due to a symptom that isn't exclusive to sociopathy. Far more harmless disorders also share said symptom, including Asperger's, for example.
By the way, reading through the thread gives me the rather strong impression that this guy is on the Autism spectrum, at least to some degree. His attitudes, thoughts and experiences closely mirror my own and others like me.
Oh and to all the guys calling him out on his "superiority complex", well, you really have no idea what you're talking about, I'm afraid. The issue is enormously more complex than that, with numerous desires and thoughts contradicting each other and coexisting with each other simultaneously.
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On August 06 2013 02:41 Shauni wrote:
I think that's an overly simplified way to look at things. I don't feel, act or believe myself to be superior to anyone in the general sense. I'm pretty self conscious and I don't have a particulary high self esteem, but I don't see other people as saints either. Just because i hate how human beings ACT on the surface doesn't mean i detest their very beings. And even when I do detest their vey beings, it's not a superiority complex because I detest myself (openly) as well.
the superficial facades you describe are actually rooted in solid empathy and understanding each other. You smile as a cashier because if you were in the customer's shoes would you rather see a smile or not? If you are genuinely interested in other people, then you will smile for them simply because there is a chance that it might improve their day.
What I get from your post is that you are not genuine, because you don't know how to be genuine which is very understandable. You might have emotions locked away deep inside because you just habituated yourself for a long time to never express any feelings. This is just something you will have to face, through meditation or therapy. Otherwise you will basically be this "fake" person for a long long time. I don't know you, but I find it hard to believe that you cannot cry or laugh.
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"Fortunately nobody seems to have realized yet."
Are you sure? If so, how?
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Totally rocking the CJ Entus face -.-
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I like your writing style. Very good flow. I hope you build upon this idea and write more.
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I smile cuz I'm lazy.
I hope someone gets that.
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On August 06 2013 08:51 MrRicewife wrote:
I smile cuz I'm lazy.
I hope someone gets that.
I'm not sure I get that but if you're anything like me, it's better than being asked "are you feeling ok?".
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Clearly, the first world continues to be worst world.
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On August 06 2013 08:51 MrRicewife wrote:
I smile cuz I'm lazy.
I hope someone gets that.
use less muscles to smile vs frowning.
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TLADT24920 Posts
hmm what you wrote is quite interesting. I too have noticed some of the fake smiles from people but at the same time, I can see the genuine ones as well. Honestly, smiling goes a long way in helping brighten people's days. I guess the question to ask is, why can't you smile? Did something happen when you were younger that led to this?
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EPT
