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I started reflecting a bit upon this topic after my physiotherapist asked me bluntly why I was always smiling during the shockwave sessions. I just shrugged it off jokingly with masochism, yet it hurt so much she was forced to hold my legs in place. In my thoughts, my smile is always like a wry smile, but I assume it looks identical to a genuine smile to other people.
Working in a grocery store, you notice the disgusting smiles all the fucking time, and they are never genuine. You smile because you're afraid to anger the customers, because it's part of being an automaton; the social context; the service. It doesn't have anything to do with whether you're happy or not. I'm sure it's the same for all the customers. I force myself not to smile or greet the cashier whenever I'm shopping because I want to spare them another useless facade. I'm sure most people deal with this and it's part of the social culture in many places.
If anyone has seen/read Monster, there is a journalist called Grimmer who is very friendly and polite. He's always smiling. He's not smiling because he's enjoying himself, he's smiling because it's the only emotion he learned how to mimic. His wife left him after his apparent lack of grief at his son's funeral.
I can identify with this so much. I'm just like Grimmer.
I realize most men have difficulties showing emotional weaknesses, but it's more like an inability to me. I can't cry, I can't scream, I can't get angry, I can't laugh, nothing. When my dad had a heart attack, I was so afraid. Not for his life, but for the other relatives suddenly realizing my grief wasn't as real as theirs.
In every social setting with another human being I'm afraid. I'm not especially afraid of big black men or aggressive drunkards, in fact I'm more afraid of small children because they seem to sense that something is wrong with my facade. Probably because they haven't adapted to the idiotic social rules of the adult world. I'm afraid of them, so I smile.
I'm not afraid of death, I'm not afraid of rejection - I'm afraid of human beings. Terrified that they'll notice I'm not one of them.
Fortunately nobody seems to have realized yet. Human beings... they are so stupid sometimes 
(just scribbled down some thoughts cause I couldn't sleep... apologize for the terrible writing)
  
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Why not blend in with the swirling mass of apathy and fake that disgusting socially acceptable smile you sexy beast. Nobody cares but you 
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I find fake smiles very easy to see through. When people smile, the emotion is conveyed in their eyes, not so much their mouth.
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Hmmmm, It is way hard for me to smile unless I am like way happy. My "go-to" face is kinda a pissed off type of one. It takes a solid effort to look not mad at everyone/everything.
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Smiling is often a defense mechanism, you notice it a lot in certain cultures. If you find yourself smiling in situations where you don't know why you're doing it, try to pinpoint the emotional state underneath it all. You'll probably find a repressed feeling of some sort.
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Also your feelings of alienation are probably the result of some underlying psychological trauma which affected the neurochemical structure of your brain. Have you tried seeing a psychotherapist instead of a physiotherapist? Find someone with a good psychodynamic orientation and see if that doesn't help you get to the root of the issue.
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On August 05 2013 13:21 MaxField wrote:
Hmmmm, It is way hard for me to smile unless I am like way happy. My "go-to" face is kinda a pissed off type of one. It takes a solid effort to look not mad at everyone/everything.
I have this same problem. Everyone always thinks I'm upset. Even when I'm happy or amused, I don't smile or laugh beyond maybe a little "heh" unless it's really funny.
The same goes for sadness. I don't cry very often either.
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If I'm sad people are mad at me. If I'm angry people are mad at me. If I'm happy people are mad at me. The only thing people want me to be is a robot. Think about that for a second.
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I think you just admitted to being a sociopath dude on some level or another. I feel like if you're reflecting on this, you aren't like grimmer whatsoever lol.
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Fake smiles are not always entirely fake, after all, if your brain thinks you should smile but your natural smile reflex isn't enabled it doesn't mean all that much. I often give people these supposed fake smiles, but often it's just that I'm in a state of mind that might not allow a shining natural smile.
Trying to smile in a situation is at least worth some merit, even tho it isn't entirely convincing or supposedly genuine.
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or you could treat cashiers like people instead of saving them from the heinous facade of human decency/politeness. Quit thinking you`re superior because you can see the superficiality of superficial human interaction. It can be as genuine as you want it to be, assuming you have a shred of empathy.
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1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22272 Posts
I smile because I want to make people's days just a little bit better. Can't deny that a smile feels better to get than a frown. Helps that I have nice teeth though.
About smiling when it's inappropriate or your lack of empathy.. yeah it might be sociopathy.
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The majority of grocery smiles is sincere. Don't really get why you're trying to ruin people's days.
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On August 05 2013 14:22 ZERG_RUSSIAN wrote:
Smiling is often a defense mechanism, you notice it a lot in certain cultures. If you find yourself smiling in situations where you don't know why you're doing it, try to pinpoint the emotional state underneath it all. You'll probably find a repressed feeling of some sort.
Yeah, it's very widespread here in Scandinavia using smiles as defense mechanisms. Im definitely not the only one doing this. And like I said, the underlying emotion is fear.
On August 05 2013 14:24 ZERG_RUSSIAN wrote:
Also your feelings of alienation are probably the result of some underlying psychological trauma which affected the neurochemical structure of your brain. Have you tried seeing a psychotherapist instead of a physiotherapist? Find someone with a good psychodynamic orientation and see if that doesn't help you get to the root of the issue.
I have talked to several psychotherapists, it never ended very well. One of them considered me a liability and didn't want me as her patient, another one considered me in no need to talk to a psychotherapist, another one was too stuck on her CBT methods to create a honest dialogue between us two. And so on. I'm pretty apathic, I rarely speak unless asked a question. So it doesn't work well with most of them. It's expensive and a waste of time for the most part.
On August 05 2013 15:27 docvoc wrote:
I think you just admitted to being a sociopath dude on some level or another. I feel like if you're reflecting on this, you aren't like grimmer whatsoever lol.
On August 05 2013 16:09 lichter wrote:
I smile because I want to make people's days just a little bit better. Can't deny that a smile feels better to get than a frown. Helps that I have nice teeth though.
About smiling when it's inappropriate or your lack of empathy.. yeah it might be sociopathy.
I don't think you two know what you're talking about. Sociopathy is very different, in fact the reverse. They are good at displaying social emotions (not just smiling) to manipulate other people, but underneath they can't feel anything.
In contrast, I can experience all kind of emotions (and even empathy) but I don't know how my body should act while being filled with an emotion. Do you see the difference?
On August 05 2013 15:47 Scarecrow wrote:
or you could treat cashiers like people instead of saving them from the heinous facade of human decency/politeness. Quit thinking you`re superior because you can see the superficiality of superficial human interaction. It can be as genuine as you want it to be, assuming you have a shred of empathy.
Alienation is not the same as superiority, I think you are confusing things. I'm at a safe distance from others, not above or below, but sideways. I don't feel any pleasure looking down upon other human beings.
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1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22272 Posts
On August 05 2013 19:25 Shauni wrote:Show nested quote +On August 05 2013 15:27 docvoc wrote:
I think you just admitted to being a sociopath dude on some level or another. I feel like if you're reflecting on this, you aren't like grimmer whatsoever lol. Show nested quote +On August 05 2013 16:09 lichter wrote:
I smile because I want to make people's days just a little bit better. Can't deny that a smile feels better to get than a frown. Helps that I have nice teeth though.
About smiling when it's inappropriate or your lack of empathy.. yeah it might be sociopathy. I don't think you two know what you're talking about. Sociopathy is very different, in fact the reverse. They are good at displaying social emotions (not just smiling) to manipulate other people, but underneath they can't feel anything. In contrast, I can experience all kind of emotions (and even empathy) but I don't know how my body should act while being filled with an emotion. Do you see the difference?
Well
On August 05 2013 12:33 Shauni wrote:
Working in a grocery store, you notice the disgusting smiles all the fucking time, and they are never genuine.
I realize most men have difficulties showing emotional weaknesses, but it's more like an inability to me. I can't cry, I can't scream, I can't get angry, I can't laugh, nothing. When my dad had a heart attack, I was so afraid. Not for his life, but for the other relatives suddenly realizing my grief wasn't as real as theirs.
Probably because they haven't adapted to the idiotic social rules of the adult world.
Based on the above quotes you make it sound like you have difficulty feeling socially acceptable or appropriate emotions, and in a way also lack empathy.
Of course if you just weren't able to express yourself correctly (since you say you did just scribble it down) and you actually do feel socially appropriate emotions, but just lack the ability to express them correctly, then yeah it is something else. It's still not a good thing though.
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On August 05 2013 19:25 Shauni wrote:Show nested quote +On August 05 2013 15:47 Scarecrow wrote:
or you could treat cashiers like people instead of saving them from the heinous facade of human decency/politeness. Quit thinking you`re superior because you can see the superficiality of superficial human interaction. It can be as genuine as you want it to be, assuming you have a shred of empathy. Alienation is not the same as superiority... I don't feel any pleasure looking down upon other human beings. It's still a superiority complex, whether you consciously take pleasure in it or not.
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To all pissed off by fake smile policy: move to Poland. In my country, people are smiling very rarely, even if they are cashiers. If someone tells them 'Keep smiling!', the appropriate answer is usually 'Fuck off!'. That pretty much guarantees that every smile you see on a street or elsewhere comes from the real feeling of joy and satisfaction. Other than those rare moments, it's like CJ Entus -_- expression all the time, on 38 millions of faces.
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On August 05 2013 21:03 Scarecrow wrote:Show nested quote +On August 05 2013 19:25 Shauni wrote:On August 05 2013 15:47 Scarecrow wrote:
or you could treat cashiers like people instead of saving them from the heinous facade of human decency/politeness. Quit thinking you`re superior because you can see the superficiality of superficial human interaction. It can be as genuine as you want it to be, assuming you have a shred of empathy. Alienation is not the same as superiority... I don't feel any pleasure looking down upon other human beings. It's still a superiority complex, whether you consciously take pleasure in it or not.
He definitively has a superiority complex.
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On August 05 2013 12:53 Chairman Ray wrote:
I find fake smiles very easy to see through. When people smile, the emotion is conveyed in their eyes, not so much their mouth.
You can fake an eye smile so easily once you know it's not about the mouth. While I perfectly know what the OP is talking about I learned to do what works, and not what I think should be done when nobody else in the world agrees. You can fake an emotion until you start to genuinely feel it everytime you want to pull the trigger. It's just that easy.
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On August 05 2013 23:27 Elem wrote:Show nested quote +On August 05 2013 21:03 Scarecrow wrote:On August 05 2013 19:25 Shauni wrote:On August 05 2013 15:47 Scarecrow wrote:
or you could treat cashiers like people instead of saving them from the heinous facade of human decency/politeness. Quit thinking you`re superior because you can see the superficiality of superficial human interaction. It can be as genuine as you want it to be, assuming you have a shred of empathy. Alienation is not the same as superiority... I don't feel any pleasure looking down upon other human beings. It's still a superiority complex, whether you consciously take pleasure in it or not. He definitively has a superiority complex.
That's what every introvert person feels. They feel different. Calling it superiority complex out of ignorance won't help out anyone since this is the way 25% of the population feels about other people.
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EPT
