EPT“For god’s sake Jeff! You’d think your work as the zoo’s pooper scooper would assist you in picking up your own shit too!”
Jeff came out of the bathroom after hearing my complaint.
“Clean the damn dishes yourself if you’re so pissed off about it!”
This infuriated me. Not only was that sentence incomprehensibly illogical, but he thought I was talking about the dirty dishes he refused to clean, instead of the giant megashit he took on the couch.
“Quit shitting on the furniture! Use the !@#$ing bathroom!”
“Give me a little credit you asshat, I just did”.
Now this I just had to see. I creaked open the bathroom door and saw the shit he just took...in the sink.
“What the !@#$ do you think the toilet is for, Jeff?!?”
“You just don’t understand me!” Jeff cried and ran out the door, presumably to start his work picking up shit at the zoo.
It was later that night that I hatched my plan to get revenge. Jeff was fast asleep by the time I crept past his room and out the front door. My first stop was the supermarket, which is where I picked up my supplies most necessary for the mission. Next stop was the zoo that Jeff worked at. Luckily for me the zoo employees weren’t there so I had little chance of getting caught.
I made my way to the animal dens that they moved the animals into at night. Not surprisingly, the smell of shit that these animals gave off reminded me of Jeff. A few minutes of searching and I found the elephants I had been looking for. I unzipped my backpack full of supplies that I bought at the grocery store and started unpacking the beans and laxatives that were inside. Those poor elephants had no idea what was in store for them. They were my sword to punish Jeff with.
After adequately feeding the elephants and sneaking out of the zoo, I went back home and arrived just in time to meet Jeff as he woke up. He said he was sorry about yesterday and left me a present on my bed to make up for it. I was almost sorry for what I did to him until I saw the “present” he gave me. I should have known Jeff’s shit had no boundaries. I bid him farewell as he left on his way to work.
That was the last time I ever saw Jeff alive. I heard he was the first known casualty of someone ever drowning in shit.
