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[Girl blog] Fallen in love, at the worst time ever

Blogs > Kong John
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Kong John
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
Denmark1020 Posts
May 28 2013 19:28 GMT
#1
I haven't written in English for a while, so sorry in advance for any spelling mistakes.

This became a really long rant. I've tried to make this less painful to read by spoilering some of the stuff that's just me rambling my heart out. If you want more back story and details you can read those, even if some of the information is given twice.

+ Show Spoiler +
Okay. So I just started university one year ago, and she is about to end her third year and write her bachelor. I started talking to her at a school party and it turned out that she really likes Korea (we both study about subjects regarding Asia and Korea is my favorite, so I focus mainly on Korea.)

I knew her already, but hadn't thought about approaching her, mainly because I'm very deep in my studies and don't really have time for a girlfriend. So I was usually just having fun with the girls met and didn't try to make anything out of it.

She was looking for people who were going to Korea, mainly because she's great at getting contacts and wanted to take two semesters at a Korean university, at the same time I and my classmates were going to Korea. So she invited me to come make some Korean dinner, and we invited another girl from my class, which gave me the impression that she simply getting some contacts, nothing more.

But since I'm the only outgoing person who studies Korean (sounds a little harsh, but we are few, and most of them are very introverted) We simply ended up being really good friends. Eating together, studying together and watching movies/series together, we simply have a lot in common when it comes to interests. She has been to Asia many times and speaks fluent Chinese, plus she know a lot about Asia in general (she's been to Korea 5 times! And that's not even her focus!) She's so much further and more mature than I am, so I figured I was lucky to know her, especially when she's going to Korea at the same time as me and she has so many contacts I can leech of her.
Now I'm very open about pretty much everything, so we got rather close pretty fast, (we've been friends now for a little more than 2 months) talked about pretty much everything. Ranging from history, to sex, to all the things we find interesting about Asia and back to issues about family and friends. She seems to not have much self esteem, so I did gets signals from her that she was attracted to me, or so I thought at least.

One day after we had been studying, we went to her place to relax a bit and watch and episode or two of a series. We drank some wine and had a great time. Now we were both sitting right up and against each other and touching, now I was thinking "well screw it, I'm going to kiss her" since I and her had had some wine it seemed all great. But here I fuck up. I don't think I'm all that bad with girls, usually I know when the time is right and I go for it. But the truth is, I've never been with a girl I had actual feelings about or had a close friendship with before. I have had girlfriends, but It was mostly just for the sex and the security and warmth of being in a relationship. Suddenly I was here, I really care about her and I don't want to fuck it up, but I was certain the right thing to do was kiss her. All these feelings of insecurity came rushing and my hands went cold and I ended up not doing it and missing the chance.
Since then we haven't been talking a lot and I panic over ridiculous shit like her not writing smilies and being slow at replying. She's told me she didn't want a clingy guy on her, but still I can't help fucking writing her every day! And i don't even know what to write! I write the stupidest shit.
It's clear to me after that day that I have fallen completely in love with her and I'm thinking of these scenarios.

Best scenario: She feels the same way I do, and is sad and maybe feels let down that I didn't manage to man up and kiss her. Reason she's being cold over the phone is that I'm being overly dramatic, she's busy (even though she's pretty much done with this semester and hasn't started full time work yet) or she just doesn't know what to say since I've been acting weird. Now I don't get why a girl like her would be into me, except for low self esteem, which I really don't think is a great thing to start a relationship on.

What I think is the most likely scenario: She doesn't feel the same way as I do. If I tell her how I feel, she will be understanding and maybe it will even become closer through that.
My biggest fear: I messed up bad. She knows I came on to her and never wanted that, now she's annoyed and thinks I'm just another guy going after her for sex. Meaning our friendship is fucked and so am I.


Long story short,
I've been friends with this girl for about 2 months, it's been a great time, and she gives be some great opportunities, in regards to me going to study in Korea this September, since she's going there too and has been there several times before, meaning lots of contacts and knowhow.

Last Thursday I had a fucked up day. It was great at first, she and me were studying all day and then went to her place to relax. We eat some snacks and whine that we bought on the way, then we watch some TV. We have fun blabla, I've had a bit of wine and my arm around her, and I felt like this was the time to kiss her. But I'm scared as fuck. Never been with a girl I actually before, never told a girl that I loved her (and meant it), never being afraid of the consequences of a kiss that I was about to give. But that day all my heart was pounding like a fucking kick drum (seriously, there is no way she didn't notice that being up against me), and all my hands got ice cold. I knew this was the time to kiss her, but and I tried to pay extra attention to any signs of her wanting me to kiss her, but I simply wasn't certain and I fucked it up, didn't kiss her. After the show was done she said I should probably get going now, since I still had more homework to do.

So I did. I couldn't help myself from stopping on the way down the stairs from her apartment and yelling fuck. I knew this was bad, I felt so fucking bad and pathetic, I had no idea what to do. So I went home a listened to rainy mood. I didn't take long for me to realize that I'm in love with her. I've been waiting for this moment for years, since I've never been able to either say it or make it work with a girl I had a crush on.

I know I said short, but that's the best I can do.

After having written all of this, I realize that I should tell her somehow, but I'm not sure how. I really like being friends with her and I don't want to mess that up, but I can't run from my feelings and I feel like the more I wait the worse it gets. How do I tell her? I've been trying to get her to meet me ever since, but she's declined every time. She used to write me fast and send me smilies in all he messages but doesn't any more. I'm freaking out over every little single thing and I can't stop thinking about her!

What do I do? Should I call her? I don't feel very well with telling her over the phone. Should I just go to her place? Should I simply write her and say that I need to talk to her, and if I can come over? I'm really not sure.

I saw her last Sunday, when we went to see an historical collection from ancient Egypt, which she is really into. But she had a friend along. It was cool and we all had a good time, but I didn't manage to talk to her in private since I had an exam the next day and wanted to study.
Needless to say, I didn't get shit done and did pretty bad on the exam. Not the end of the world. but really fucking annoying, since a re-exam is going to be in the same time as I'm in Korea and it will have to be over Skype. I could easily have done well on the exam, it wasn't hard, I just couldn't concentrate on it at all due to her.

Thanks for reading my long rant, writing this has made me feel somewhat better, so far so good. But I really need to talk about this, any advice is welcome.

*
This is real life, where nerds must battle!
Capped
Profile Blog Joined June 2011
United Kingdom7236 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-05-28 19:51:31
May 28 2013 19:50 GMT
#2
You've known her two months, you dont love her. You should have kissed her, but you didnt. Chances are she doesnt know wtf was going on in your head.

Just kiss her next time.
Useless wet fish.
Otolia
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
France5805 Posts
May 28 2013 19:50 GMT
#3
I'm going to save this and read it while playing smooth music.

Also call her, setup a date -> the rest will be history.
Chimpalimp
Profile Joined May 2010
United States1135 Posts
May 28 2013 20:36 GMT
#4
No point screwing up your studies over a bunch of what-ifs. Just call her, setup a meeting and do what needs to be done. There is no point in waiting. Worst thing that can happen is she says no, you get a little bummed and then you can concentrate on school better. Best thing that can happen is she is cool with it, and you can concentrate on school a bit better. Seems like waiting is more detrimental than anything that can happen by taking action.
I like money. You like money too? We should hang out.
NikonTC
Profile Joined September 2010
United Kingdom418 Posts
May 28 2013 20:52 GMT
#5
You don't love her.

You're already over-thinking everything.

You are not in the right place to start a relationship with her.

"IdrA crushes the marine push, absolutely demolishes this 2 rax play. Would not be suprised to see a GG from IdrA at any moment" Day[9]
hoby2000
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States918 Posts
May 28 2013 22:54 GMT
#6
On May 29 2013 04:50 Capped wrote:
You've known her two months, you dont love her. You should have kissed her, but you didnt. Chances are she doesnt know wtf was going on in your head.

Just kiss her next time.


Before reading what i hvae to say, I disagree with almost every notion that our society has created about love. My advice is based on me taking apart that bullshit, and realizing what actually IS and what's a fabrication being acted out by everyone around you.


First of all - He may love her. It's funny how people think love has this time requirement. If it did, we would have a system in place for this, but we don't. We have social rules everyone abides by and hopes it works, but it's not for everyone. Love at first sight is possible, but not in the way a lot of people think it is.

Second - You need to be honest with how you feel. While you may actually love her, it's pretty uncommon for people to say that after two months, and despite how much I disagree with that notion, you have to accept she may just freak the fuck out. Tell her you have feelings for her, and you feel like it could go somewhere. If you don't tell her now, you'll tell her later, and it may be too late.

If she denies you, then stay her friend. Most girls when they deny someone at that moment don't really know the answer to the question or need time to figure out how they fell. I take that back - Not most girls, MOST PEOPLE. So while she may deny you at first, show her you really care and that you do love her by sticking around, but don't constantly prod her with the suggestion that you and her could be perfect together or whatever. Just talk to her and continue as if nothing has changed. If she starts acting weird around you, that means you're either one step in the door, or she's closing it behind you.

A lesson without pain is meaningless for nothing can be gained without giving something in return.
Japhybaby
Profile Blog Joined February 2013
Canada301 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-05-28 23:03:27
May 28 2013 22:55 GMT
#7
I suspect that she has an idea of your feelings and intentions. Even if we aren't completely conscious of it, we humans often have an intuition about a person's intentions with us. Personally,If someone is like... *needing* my company or if they want something like food from me, then it adds such a different dynamic. I feel like i have to defend something of myself.

It sounds like you want her as an erotic/romantic sort of friend and that's just forcing her to put her guard up. I'm not a girl but i know what it's like when friends are trying to sway a hangout to be more in favour of what they want and less in favour of what I want. I'm not saying it's bad, i'm just saying it means more work from the other person and therefore in many cases it is less desirable.

Like NikonTC said, you need to sort your life and get over her. If you really like her enough, you'll realize that isn't what she wants right now and you'll start working at making it what she wants.

You'll be more attractive if you can manage to pass your classes, have your room in control, be comfortable having people into your living space and being able to enjoy yourself with or without them there.

edit- I don't want to influence your decision for the wrong. If you think she will respond well if you tell her your feelings, then who am i to tell you differently? Personally, I think it's better if you just make it so that she wants to spend her time with you somehow. What does she want to do? you should be makin her kimchi and shit, not gettin frazzled if she doesn't send ya smileys lol
hold on! i'm callin' you back to the pool, and we'll dazzle them all!
mordk
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
Chile8385 Posts
May 29 2013 00:04 GMT
#8
Women always know. My advice.. don't say "I love you", that will most likely freak her out. Ask her out and say it's a date, if she says "what do you mean a date?" you tell her "a date, for real" and just see where it goes.

Continuing on your current course will inevitably lead you to the sad and self-inflicted status people know as "friendzone", which is just bullshit said by men who couldn't play their hand and vent their frustration by blaming women.

If she says no, then just live with it, you might be able to keep your friendship even after that, so don't freak out, just go with it.
Kong John
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
Denmark1020 Posts
May 29 2013 00:27 GMT
#9
Thanks for the replies. I am usually able to get a clear view of things once I've written it down, but it didn't really cut it. Posting it here and reading the replies actually makes me feel a lot better.

I think i need to calm down, i might be overreacting here and maybe I'm not actually in love. I have been completely obsessed with her though for a couple of days and acting strange kind off besides myself. Seemed like the only explanation, but maybe i just lacked perspective. I got that here and i feel much more calm, i still have a feeling like I've swallowed a rock, which I've had ever since Thursday, but it may just be mere being scared of fucking up.

The thing that's been bothering me the most is just how she ignores me asking her out, thought it would take more that a little awkwardness to turn her off. I think she might be a little weirded out by me suddenly asking her out since she was the one doing that before.

Anyways, i gotta relax, focus on my exams. I think i simply need some distance, this is a really bad timing for escalating our relations ship.
This is real life, where nerds must battle!
jrkirby
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
United States1510 Posts
May 29 2013 03:29 GMT
#10
Step 1: Get a boombox
Step 2: Outside her apartment
Step 3: ???
Step 4: Profit!
ETisME
Profile Blog Joined April 2011
12387 Posts
May 29 2013 03:41 GMT
#11
no one can tell you if you love her or not. but if you sent all those signals and pull back at the last time, of cause she don't want to talk to you for a while, I am pretty sure she was expecting something
其疾如风,其徐如林,侵掠如火,不动如山,难知如阴,动如雷震。
zarzobnz
Profile Joined October 2011
New Zealand35 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-05-29 04:27:11
May 29 2013 04:24 GMT
#12
If you tell her you like her (not love), then in most cases, the worst that could happen is she says she doesn't feel the same way, but would like to stay friends. As long as you're not all weird about her and hurt about it for too long, then you'll still stay friends. So in my opinion you have nothing to lose; If it was meant to be then it will happen, but if not then you can't say you didn't try, and you have an awesome chick friend in your life

Also, the longer you wait the less impact this will have, and the harder it will be on you, so muster up some courage and do it! Also you should do it in person and not via text/Skype/webcam/whatever. Good girls appreciate when you are brave enough to say it to their face and will have better chances of working out.

Best of luck!
Capped
Profile Blog Joined June 2011
United Kingdom7236 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-05-29 08:04:36
May 29 2013 08:00 GMT
#13
On May 29 2013 07:54 hoby2000 wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 29 2013 04:50 Capped wrote:
You've known her two months, you dont love her. You should have kissed her, but you didnt. Chances are she doesnt know wtf was going on in your head.

Just kiss her next time.


Before reading what i hvae to say, I disagree with almost every notion that our society has created about love. My advice is based on me taking apart that bullshit, and realizing what actually IS and what's a fabrication being acted out by everyone around you.


First of all - He may love her. It's funny how people think love has this time requirement. If it did, we would have a system in place for this, but we don't. We have social rules everyone abides by and hopes it works, but it's not for everyone. Love at first sight is possible, but not in the way a lot of people think it is.

Second - You need to be honest with how you feel. While you may actually love her, it's pretty uncommon for people to say that after two months, and despite how much I disagree with that notion, you have to accept she may just freak the fuck out. Tell her you have feelings for her, and you feel like it could go somewhere. If you don't tell her now, you'll tell her later, and it may be too late.

If she denies you, then stay her friend. Most girls when they deny someone at that moment don't really know the answer to the question or need time to figure out how they fell. I take that back - Not most girls, MOST PEOPLE. So while she may deny you at first, show her you really care and that you do love her by sticking around, but don't constantly prod her with the suggestion that you and her could be perfect together or whatever. Just talk to her and continue as if nothing has changed. If she starts acting weird around you, that means you're either one step in the door, or she's closing it behind you.



I "got with" my now-wife after 2 months. We moved in together after 1 week, married after 1 year, eloped after 2.

I didnt love her when i met her, i can say with absolute certainty. I also think my experiences give me the insight and knowledge to comment respectfully on such matters.

"Love" Takes alot of time, patience and getting to know somebody, something which can only come from being with that person 24/7. Anything prior to that is an infactuation, a crush etc. A deep connection can be mistaken for love, and a deep connection can be made quickly.
Useless wet fish.
Pulselol
Profile Joined June 2011
Canada1628 Posts
May 29 2013 08:47 GMT
#14
shouldn't have been a pussy and kissed her, OP.

you're not in love, you're infatuated.

she doesn't need to reciprocate any feelings you have towards her.

you fucked up your chance, and that's that - so don't fuck up your next chance.
Kong John
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
Denmark1020 Posts
May 29 2013 15:40 GMT
#15
I'm really glad that i posted this, its embarrassing, but its true that i fucked up and was a pussy.

I knew that i had fucked up right after it happened. My initial thought was that it was nothing, ill get the chance a get and not fuck up. After that I just thought way to much about it. I really hate messing up and i thought i was way past my insecurity with girls. I guess the whole love thing was just me trying to get away from the fact that all this is just the feeling of me knowing that i missed a huge chance with a girl above my league. It fucking sucks but i need to stop thinking about it. I was pretty close to making a really big deal out of this though, and that would have been the real mistake. I can still fix it, i just need to relax and focus on other things for the moment.

Maybe ill get another shot, maybe not. But I'm not gonna fuck up like that again!
Thanks to everyone who replied to my terrible sob story, i seriously needed to get out of my bubble and get some perspective.
This is real life, where nerds must battle!
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