Is it possible to change/improve your personality? When I was growing up I was always quite academic and asocial, didn't go to any parties and very few social gatherings. I feel ever since I got addicted to WoW when i was 16 i've become the archetypical dropout loser.
However it seems incredibly hard to break out of this, I'm now almost 21-years-old and I still have social anxiety and I am very underconfident, but I don't feel like I've developed much of a personality or much in the way of maturity when I was a teenager. I never had an 'adolescent rebellion' so to speak and I think this has influenced my development - my mum is very overbearing and overprotective and I've grown up quite sheltered.
When I look at my former peers in my school year, they've turned out in a typical fashion - there's the drifters/stoners , the doctors/lawyers, the ones who did a mickey mouse degree just to party for 3 years and now can't get a job, the people who did a liberal arts degree without considering career options, the right-wing nationalist who loves the army and 'likes' churchill/the RAF on facebook etc... it almost seems like we all have our roles.
But I don't want this role, and I want to change myself - yet i almost feel as if this has become a permanent fixture of my life. The thing is, this is not sustainable. I can't just live off my parents for my whole life, nor do I truly want to - but i feel trapped in this prison and I don't really know how turn my life around.
I think I have become complacent in my life and that is why I haven't continued to grow as a person - the question is: how do I stop being complacent?
Has anyone else 'changed' themselves? Moved to a new city, improved themselves etc. I feel like I have to overhaul myself but I don't know how feasible this is.
People change. Its a part of life. You can call it growing up, maturing, changing, whatever, but people change all the time.
If you want to improve yourself, come up with a plan of action and follow through with it. People are who they choose to be, at the end of the day. Change begins with small steps. If you don't have a job, find one, if you want to be more social, start attending more social events. If you want to go back to school, see about taking out loans and figure out how you are going to do it.
Its not necessarily an *easy* process, but its entirely doable.
It appears you are looking to improve yourself. The first thing i think you should do, is accept yourself, how you are. You are not A-social. You are not weird. You are you. You should not think "i want to be popular and have tons of friends" . You shoud think i wanna meet new people i can truy bind with. You are not the first nor the last to have had "limited interactions in the places you are forced to go to" . Some people just bind wherever they go, some people need to feel an understanding when they are forced with other people by schedule. Just because you took classes with people doesn' t mean you have to bind with them. You should find truly the things that interest you and people that have similar ideas to you. I bet you made friends trough WOW. Thats majorly beacuse you didn t feel that kind of pressure and you think that you are there because you want to be there;
About the second part its up to you.I can say that breaking away completly or partially from your envoriment makes you grow and makes you more a man. They will be good times and they will be bad times. If your mom objects simply tell her you need to grow/challange yourself for a year. Don' t let anyone tell you how you are supposed to live your life. If you feel stuck, if you need to change, do it.
That being said changing places does not mean you will change personality. For that you must change within yourself, much less than you think, its not that much about changing, you are you, its more about expanding certain aspects of your personality so that other people can understand you better. Basic comunication is important. Don' t be afraid of the judgement of other people. "let them al pass their dirty remarks" . If you are having difficulty with this, try this phrase: Its much easier to get interested in other people than have other people being interested in you" . This means that to make new friends try and ask more questions before, and eventually tell about yourself later on. But being stuck in the same routine makes it increasingly more difficult to archieve al this. Changing location will give you fresh prospective. Go out, get a job, get an apartment with people your age, if you want.
People don't ever change, unless they're forced to in whatever shape or form this might happen. And if it happens, they don't talk, they do. If you really want to change yourself, then do it. Move somewhere else and start doing, stop talking. If you fail, learn from it, don't repeat your mistakes. If you've never failed at something in your life, then you picked goals, which were too low for you.
you are what you do. if you do nothing but play sc2 all day, then you are an sc2 bum. is that ok with you?
its extremely difficult and usually takes a long long time but you can change, if you believe thats what you want/thats whats better for you at the end of the day.
as for changing personality, you need to practice it until it becomes part of you. if you arent putting it into practice then you're not gonna make much progress. also, it depends on a massive amount of things - changing how you are when you're happy and confident is easy, but keeping that up when you feel like shit and have no hope in anything or anyone for years on end
I'd say realizing you don't like the life you are leading already demonstrates a change in your personality.
But instead of thinking you need to change, as in become a different person and discard everything you are now, think of making gradual improvements or evolving your older self into the someone you want to be. If you want to move out of your parents basement, first thing to do is grab a job, get money, and then you'll have the means to sustain yourself. If you feel you need more friends/social interaction, next time you hear someone you are friends/familiar with talk of an upcoming event ask if you can go with them, so that you will meet new people. If you don't like your body, start working out. Etc. Just make it happen.
I've found that this is in fact one of the major driving forces of life, the never being contempt with where you are and the neverending chase for your dreams.
People are no longer the same person psychically ever 7 years. Much like happiness is a decision who you are is also a decision, you can change it pretty easy but remember your character is what keeps you from falling into the abyss (Nietzsche).
I have to be blunt with this: dropping videogames and starting some sort of activity especially in contact with other people is the way to go for a start to change your motivation and the view you have of yourself.
Join a sports club where you interact with others. Poker club, debating courses whatever. Stop playing games. If you managed to get yourself into a spot where gaming is so addictive then you have to cut out a large part of it.
While you view gaming as important you're basically still addicted, when you think you'd prefer something else then you can go back to play a little.
Go into crowds, to a concert if you think you like live music. Travel around in the metro at rush hour. Whatever fits you, go play chess if you think you're nerdy.It's still a game but you meet people who are likely to share interests with you if you consider yourself an intellectual.
However if you are in a tough spot cause you played videogames then you will have to drop them until you learned other abilities, especially social ones no excuses.
It will need time and it will need you to stay away from activities that make you sit in a room without face to face interactions.
You might also want to consider to find someone to talk to first.
you can change if you want to by changing. i started as a person who was not very confident, who felt a lot of anxiety etc and then i decided to stop feeling anxiety and be more confident. then i lived "happily" in my life for a few years, some stuff happened and i decided that i dont want to be confident or not feel anxiety, so i willed myself to feel more anxiety, be less confident, and in general detach myself from reality. and thats what i did/became.
you have to believe in yourself. you have to believe in your own agency because that is what you know. you know yourself, you know your own agency, and so if you want to do something or if you want to be someone then you have to use your own agency to achieve you"re goals weather or not other ppl believe in you, or whatever. dont be afraid to say "i believe in myself".
On March 08 2013 00:13 Scorpion77 wrote: Is it possible to change/improve your personality? When I was growing up I was always quite academic and asocial, didn't go to any parties and very few social gatherings. I feel ever since I got addicted to WoW when i was 16 i've become the archetypical dropout loser.
However it seems incredibly hard to break out of this, I'm now almost 21-years-old and I still have social anxiety and I am very underconfident, but I don't feel like I've developed much of a personality or much in the way of maturity when I was a teenager. I never had an 'adolescent rebellion' so to speak and I think this has influenced my development - my mum is very overbearing and overprotective and I've grown up quite sheltered.
When I look at my former peers in my school year, they've turned out in a typical fashion - there's the drifters/stoners , the doctors/lawyers, the ones who did a mickey mouse degree just to party for 3 years and now can't get a job, the people who did a liberal arts degree without considering career options, the right-wing nationalist who loves the army and 'likes' churchill/the RAF on facebook etc... it almost seems like we all have our roles.
But I don't want this role, and I want to change myself - yet i almost feel as if this has become a permanent fixture of my life. The thing is, this is not sustainable. I can't just live off my parents for my whole life, nor do I truly want to - but i feel trapped in this prison and I don't really know how turn my life around.
I think I have become complacent in my life and that is why I haven't continued to grow as a person - the question is: how do I stop being complacent?
Has anyone else 'changed' themselves? Moved to a new city, improved themselves etc. I feel like I have to overhaul myself but I don't know how feasible this is.
@Scorpion77 I've been reading every blog you made regarding this and I still wonder if you actually tried to do something, like seeking professional help. No one on this forum can help you since it's a psychological/developmental problem and therefore highly depended upon how you are as an person and that there is no general piece of advice that will help you, you need specific help which is tailored for you and you can only get that if you go seek professional help.
If anything you should at least know by now that asking for help in the blog section of TL won't actually help you.
Most posters here are a little retarded, however I'll keep my advice short... There's nothing 'wrong' with you, just habits so ingrained that you don't know how to break them.
I'm in the same phase. I work 8 hours a day, play games late into the night, tired all day, play games into night, repeat. Too tired to exercise, go out etc.
At the moment I'm just rationalizing saving money (which I am but not in a healthy way.) I am exactly like you 'complacent' not necessarily 'unhappy' but definitely not happy, just.. Alive.
The way to get out of habit? You need to move away.. Either save for a (3month + holiday, save to study overseas, get a job that's social. Basically anything that takes you away from the computer for extended periods of time.
Your still really young, but I know how you feel.. Doing the same thing for such a long time makes you feel old in a way
I don't think it is that hard to change at all, as long as you are willing to work for it. Honestly in my opinion, it all has to do with where you put yourself, and if you are willing to move into a new environment.
I used to be like you, played WoW all the time, and any social aspect of my life at all was on the internet. But then I moved to another city for college, and that is where my life started to change. From not being able to talk to girls, to getting my first gf, going to parties, actually be able to make new friends every day. But at the same time, I am still the nerd i have always been. I still have time for sc2 and dota, and I still go to various gaming events. Hell, I even had an online relationship. I think its safe to say, I kept my nerdy qualities as well as gained qualities I thought I would never of been able to back in highschool.
I am also almost 21, and I think every year that has gone by, I have changed dramatically. Maybe that has to do with the fact that I have moved multiple times, and have put myself into a position where moving let me change very easily. As well as having a reason to change. That helps a lot.
So I agree with previous posts, time and moving somewhere is what is needed in order change, as well as dedication.
I wish you luck, and if you truly want to change and have the fortitude to do so, you will be able too =)
I would like to put my take on this. This has been one of the biggest thoughts i've ever had thought about it on many occassions and understand why.
My stepfather played MMORPG's old ones like Legend of Mir, Myth of Soma ETC. I played them aswell. I continued with that and then went onto WoW. Never got too addicted, there was one month where i played 16hours a day. This isn't too big of a deal but crushed my social skills. I'm not afraid to talk to random people but i do struggle to start conversations and just think on the spot. Then i was bullied to an extent at school. Which led to me feeling down alot. Make me very cautios of what i say because that would be the main reason it would happen. I struggled with english so got the piss taken out for that.
For 2 years this happened. I didn't socialise with anyone except 2 other people. I eventually didn't voice my opinions to anyone not on Facebook or face to face, only with these 2 friends.
I never admitted to being bully because i didn't believe it was severe.
Sorry for this kind of not happiest of thoughts. This led me onto who i am today. Makes me think about everything i say and do, which most would just do it instead of thinking. It was just to be safe so i felt that i could get through my day with less hassle.
Later this kept with me till this day i'm one of those people who thinks about all actions. I'll decide to do stuff but i love this. I see many friends and my girlfriend always get annoyed of someone for having a bad opinion or jealousy etc. I never have those. I just logically think what there reasons are. It's almost that i feel detached from my emotions. Makes me have a good thought process. This has led me to have no arrogance.
I must say i disliked anyone who believed in a god, transexuals, certain races. You may read this and be disgusted with me but a mass majority do it but never reveal the true extent of it. Now i believe in 100% equality. I envy people who believe in god. I feel everyone should be themselves.
This was one of the moments in my my life which changed me. I have a new outlook to say.
So i have changed from a open expressive person to a in close person who doesnt talk about themselves much. But the way i see things, it makes life look so much brighter. I do need to work on my social issues but the now i'm content.
I apologies if this has kind of went in the wrong direction
Good job TL, i love this collection of advices. So what is it you want OP? A less sheltered life? Well use the goal system. Positive goal setting! I will get a job by (date) by working (at my resume and job application) for (specific job) with (specific hourly wage) and find a place to live by searching on the internet and applying for leases.
Cooking and cleaning and financial independence, I think those are a good master for acquiring more freedom? I think freedom comes with responsibility. Take on responsibility and find yourself freedom. To the people saying "just go somewhere" i have to voice disagreement. I heard this quote once "you can't run away from yourself." I think that's true. You can go to new situations but it won't change anything. You will still have the same emotions and use the same system of ideals to solve your problems
Now, you seem like a pretty literate person do you read good literature? Do you write about the literature? For a lot of thinking persons, this is a very good route. I mean, some people can understand something with a less deep explanation than other people can. If you are one of the people who needs a deeper explanation, literature is a way to think about life and humans and relationships. Kazuo Ishiguro might be an author to check out *Never Let me Go"
To the people saying "just go somewhere" i have to voice disagreement. I heard this quote once "you can't run away from yourself." I think that's true. You can go to new situations but it won't change anything. You will still have the same emotions and use the same system of ideals to solve your problems
Going somewhere, in my opinion, is the biggest influence in your life, which in turn will change yourself if you let it. You are not running away from yourself, you are adapting. You learn how to interact with people, and at the same time, discover new things about yourself. It also lets you start off fresh, you have nothing to keep you back to the person you once were, and instead you have the capability of being whoever you want with nothing to remind you of your past. You can meet new people who might show you new hobbies, or you might learn a thing or two from them. I think that in itself is a huge push into changing yourself.
Of course if you have no motivation to change yourself, or the dedication to do so, then you won't change.But personally I think that going out and exploring is the best way to discover yourself ^^
Of course you can. It's the same as changing and improving your body. After all, surely the skinny/fat guy who became buff also changed his personality? or why did he not always have an amazing body? (after he had the knowledge and access to the resources necessary of course) It's a silly question in my eyes. The concept is the same - What matters to you? What do you want? Can you do it? Yes -----> DO IT! or try to... that includes "personality" changes. NO --------> Find something else you want.
And I certainly wouldn't have said this with an earlier personality of mine. "cant change" is a terrible excuse/rationalization for won't.
I went from my first kiss to 6th kiss, first fuck and first would-be longterm girlfriend in a couple of months. Obviously, I did this through a strong "personality" change at least partly. All I did was think more positively and act more like I wanted to - confident. It's not very difficult. Ever heard of "fake it 'till you make it"? That, and, don't lie to yourself about anything. Or, at least don't lie to yourself about the wrong things.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. And not the kind the papers write about how you can get rid of your fear of spiders in 2 hours. It takes years, and you should have professional help leading you through it, one step at a time.
EPT
