• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 06:09
CEST 12:09
KST 19:09
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
[ASL21] Ro24 Preview Pt1: New Chaos0Team Liquid Map Contest #22 - Presented by Monster Energy9ByuL: The Forgotten Master of ZvT30Behind the Blue - Team Liquid History Book20Clem wins HomeStory Cup 289
Community News
Weekly Cups (March 16-22): herO doubles, Cure surprises3Blizzard Classic Cup @ BlizzCon 2026 - $100k prize pool48Weekly Cups (March 9-15): herO, Clem, ByuN win42026 KungFu Cup Announcement6BGE Stara Zagora 2026 cancelled12
StarCraft 2
General
Team Liquid Map Contest #22 - Presented by Monster Energy What mix of new & old maps do you want in the next ladder pool? (SC2) Potential Updates Coming to the SC2 CN Server Behind the Blue - Team Liquid History Book herO wins SC2 All-Star Invitational
Tourneys
RSL Season 4 announced for March-April Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament StarCraft Evolution League (SC Evo Biweekly) WardiTV Mondays World University TeamLeague (500$+) | Signups Open
Strategy
Custom Maps
[M] (2) Frigid Storage Publishing has been re-enabled! [Feb 24th 2026]
External Content
The PondCast: SC2 News & Results Mutation # 518 Radiation Zone Mutation # 517 Distant Threat Mutation # 516 Specter of Death
Brood War
General
Pros React To: SoulKey vs Ample ASL21 General Discussion RepMastered™: replay sharing and analyzer site KK Platform will provide 1 million CNY Recent recommended BW games
Tourneys
[Megathread] Daily Proleagues [ASL21] Ro24 Group C [ASL21] Ro24 Group B [ASL21] Ro24 Group A
Strategy
What's the deal with APM & what's its true value Fighting Spirit mining rates Simple Questions, Simple Answers
Other Games
General Games
General RTS Discussion Thread Nintendo Switch Thread Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Darkest Dungeon Path of Exile
Dota 2
The Story of Wings Gaming Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
G2 just beat GenG in First stand
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Deck construction bug Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
TL Mafia Community Thread Five o'clock TL Mafia Mafia Game Mode Feedback/Ideas Vanilla Mini Mafia
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread The Games Industry And ATVI European Politico-economics QA Mega-thread Canadian Politics Mega-thread Russo-Ukrainian War Thread
Fan Clubs
The IdrA Fan Club
Media & Entertainment
[Manga] One Piece [Req][Books] Good Fantasy/SciFi books Movie Discussion!
Sports
Formula 1 Discussion 2024 - 2026 Football Thread Cricket [SPORT] Tokyo Olympics 2021 Thread General nutrition recommendations
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
[G] How to Block Livestream Ads
TL Community
The Automated Ban List
Blogs
Funny Nicknames
LUCKY_NOOB
Money Laundering In Video Ga…
TrAiDoS
Iranian anarchists: organize…
XenOsky
FS++
Kraekkling
Shocked by a laser…
Spydermine0240
ASL S21 English Commentary…
namkraft
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 6200 users

Some random poetry.

Blogs > GaNgStaRR.ElV
Post a Reply
GaNgStaRR.ElV
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Canada535 Posts
January 04 2013 14:43 GMT
#1
So I write alot of hip-hop/r&b stuff, but i've also dabbled into writing a bit of poetry.

Just thought I'd post it here to see what yall think.

I won't lie I was pretty stoned(I found them in my old lyric book, loads of pages with burnmarks etc.)

The Oath of Friends:

The smoke covers the cold,
the fire and the ice, an old story told,
the thoughts we share with smoke in the air,
while riding down our streets of gold,
all these times we share together,
spartan's shield to stormy weather,
soldiers we fall down one by one,
bearing the heat; a forgotten son,
We stand alone, we dare the test,
To give our all, no more no less,
To gain it all, or we shall fall,
answers to the sirens call.


Nobody Sees:

A sun setting on a unique view.
But what of the shadow,
which lies through the sun,
boiling over with the sun's heat.
A black hole,
sucking life itself into its grasp,
Though we look right at it,
It is just a waave in the sea,
unnoticed and eternal,
waiting for a lost soul to stumble across it and remained trapped forever.
Travelling through time and space,
Familiar places changed by it's power,
Familiar faces unrecognizable and sour,
You should see it, if you look carefully,
but nobody sees.

Rot:

Life rots,
a blind rot,
oblivious to human nature,
love torn apart and worn away,
Till all that remains is pain and darkness,
1 friendship devours another,
A romance with no winner or beginner,
No Samaritan or sinner.
Until the cloest friend is the pain of having known so much,
Grown so much,
only to have it all crumble,
Like a tower of cards stacked too high,
so that nothing remains.

Grass:

I see you,
I dare not approach,
this is what I fear the most.
I watch you walk oblivious to me,
not even a glint of recognition.
Im just a face in the crowd,
A single blade of grass,
blown by the unfathomable wind.
When you look at me,
the wind blows again,
Lifting me once again,
Into breathing a hopeful gulp of air;
only to be returned to the floor,
for a single eye movement,
makes me a blade of grass once more.


GaNgStaRR.ElV
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Canada535 Posts
January 07 2013 13:46 GMT
#2
My poetry must suck balls to not get 1 comment!
Smancer
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States379 Posts
January 07 2013 17:06 GMT
#3

The Oath of Friends:
8/10

Nobody Sees:
3/10

Rot:
2/10

Grass:
7/10


Did not care for the two middle ones.


In the case of The Oath of Friends: I liked this. good work, nice pace, nice rhythem. Thematically good. The first line could use work. I don't like it, seems forced, and could have more elegant language.

In the case of Nobody Sees:, it just somehow seemed unoriginal. Maybe the theme is just way too over done. I don't know really thought it was played.

In the case of Rot: pain and darkness, again seems emo, and tired. Hard to even make it through this one.

In the case of Grass: fun, spirited, and clever. I think you could work on the wording so you don't have two lines ending in the same word.


I am a mathematician. I know nothing about poetry. This was just what I thought.
A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."
AiurZ
Profile Blog Joined May 2004
United States429 Posts
January 08 2013 03:23 GMT
#4
1st thing that i dont like: you've end-stopped all your lines without needing to. i could see maybe if they were natural end-stops, maybe that's just the way that you like to organize things, but some of the end-stops don't make sense in the context of a sentence etc. it can be a 'stylistic' thing but as the reader i think its troublesome and distracting. this is easy enough to fix tho.

some of the language is clumsy at parts ie i would never think of a really high tower of cards "crumbling" because i feel like "crumbling" generally implies a sort of decay over time rather than the intensely sudden collapse of a house of cards ie the idea of a romance having a "winner" or "beginner" or "samaritan" or "sinner" (i feel like here you are too focused on the 'sound' of things, which is good but it is very difficult to sacrifice coherence for acoustics effectively).

it is very important to consider the images that you are presenting. there are lines that sound very nice but don't make much sense in terms of imagery ie "i want to be your cold dead nothing/ i want to be a million dead birds in you" and when you begin to venture into this territory you have to be very careful with what you are doing in order to do it effectively.

i know i dont need you to 'keep writing' or encourage you that you are off to a great start etc. but you are off to a great start and you should keep writing (poetry). write poetry that's not a puzzle. write poetry that is just simple and plain language that people can read and feel and want to read and want to feel. dont write as a "poet" but as a person because you are a person and all person's are "poets". have fun while you do it.
picture of dogs.jpg
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
RSL Revival
10:00
Season 4: Playoffs Day 4
ByuN vs Maru
MaxPax vs TriGGeR
Tasteless443
CranKy Ducklings23
LiquipediaDiscussion
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
Tasteless 443
Nina 140
SortOf 114
MindelVK 4
StarCraft: Brood War
Bisu 1965
BeSt 854
Jaedong 607
Killer 599
Larva 437
Shuttle 339
Soma 273
actioN 227
Dewaltoss 195
Hyuk 164
[ Show more ]
sSak 139
Stork 110
ToSsGirL 109
PianO 93
EffOrt 91
sorry 52
Sharp 48
Bale 28
HiyA 24
ZerO 20
Last 20
Backho 20
Noble 14
GoRush 13
SilentControl 8
ajuk12(nOOB) 5
Dota 2
XaKoH 1012
XcaliburYe155
NeuroSwarm139
League of Legends
JimRising 463
Reynor94
Counter-Strike
zeus1206
fl0m15
Super Smash Bros
Westballz19
Other Games
singsing1557
B2W.Neo1026
crisheroes308
Livibee251
Fuzer 204
mouzStarbuck172
FrodaN148
ArmadaUGS134
Mew2King58
ZerO(Twitch)2
Organizations
StarCraft: Brood War
UltimateBattle 35
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
sctven
[ Show 13 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• LUISG 17
• Adnapsc2 13
• CranKy Ducklings SOOP3
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• Migwel
• sooper7s
StarCraft: Brood War
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
Upcoming Events
WardiTV Team League
1h 51m
BSL
8h 51m
Replay Cast
13h 51m
Replay Cast
22h 51m
Afreeca Starleague
23h 51m
Light vs Calm
Royal vs Mind
Wardi Open
1d
Monday Night Weeklies
1d 5h
OSC
1d 13h
Sparkling Tuna Cup
1d 23h
Afreeca Starleague
1d 23h
Rush vs PianO
Flash vs Speed
[ Show More ]
Replay Cast
2 days
Afreeca Starleague
2 days
BeSt vs Leta
Queen vs Jaedong
Replay Cast
3 days
The PondCast
3 days
Replay Cast
4 days
RSL Revival
4 days
Replay Cast
5 days
RSL Revival
5 days
BSL
6 days
RSL Revival
6 days
Liquipedia Results
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2026 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.