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United States13896 Posts
I know I have only myself to blame for this terrible, iridescent, and violently gregarious state of mind. In this moment I somehow think only of you, yet not of you at all. I consider everything that is great and beautiful about your being but I am completely ignorant of the undercurrents of emotion that swirl beneath in the depths of your mind. I cannot help but effusively proselytize the virtue that lies within your dark, auburn hair. It is with such fervor that our friends cannot believe it. They laugh and soak in the madness that leaks from the bowels of my heart.
A peculiar and wondrous thing to behold, my inner romantic, filled like a hot air balloon, ready to burst at the seams. Indeed this tension can last no longer, the emotion that seems to be love no longer can be restrained. At this point the memory wilts, like a summer rose, no longer vivid and gorgeous but horrid and grotesque. It was a sham, a mockery, a delusion, no longer beauty but only a beast. I know now I never loved you. A child’s fancy twisted into a man’s love. These warped memories linger, but lucid thought prevails. The only thing that cannot be washed away is the pain. Of this illusory rose no more remains but the thorn, stuck in my soul, somehow transubstantiated into reality. Damn it all to hell.
 
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United States2779 Posts
Damn man.
Well written. That's like a sick book title...THE THORN REMAINS...
I mean, I get the romantic subtext and the beauty of your words...but if you wanna just come out and say it, feel free  . Such eloquence in conveying anger, hatred...and a tinge of regret...
This can only mean one thing.
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This is exactly how I feel about my ex. I wish I could write like you can.
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the bowels of your heart.....
Well, I guess if you are trying to say you didn't really know her more than superficially, the phrase everybody poops is not that inappropriate.
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the leaky bowels of your heart just doesn't sound right haha
the rest is nice though!
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-3 points for the phrase "effusively proselytize of the virtue"
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United States13896 Posts
On November 28 2012 11:09 sob3k wrote:
-3 points for the phrase "effusively proselytize of the virtue"
Proofreading's such a bore yo
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United States2779 Posts
Bowels of the heart LOL man that's too good  .
Everybody poops man.
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embrace pain and suffering. every time you overcome something, you become stronger, more powerful, more mature. you'll be able to appreciate the small things much much more. you won't take things for granted, and you'll be very happy with everything that goes well in your life.
and of course, let all your anger and frustration out. but i dont need to tell you that because you're doing that with this blog.
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, the bowels of the heart part...It's effective but it's also a little weird? When reading that part, my imagination gives me an image of my friends with diahrea on their faces. I don't think that really describes what's going on lol.
Any ways, exquisite, passion soaked prose that speaks right to my heart .. and makes me understand waht is going on with myself .. and makes me feel al ittle smarter. I can't help but think james joyce. Thanks for writing! 5/5
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Sorry, I probably shouldn't have said that if people are just going to quote it when they wouldn't have noticed otherwise. I held my tongue in the I Am a Father thread and should have held my tongue here too. There's more that's sort of awkward/doesn't quite work than the bowels part, and I encourage you to write in a more natural style than pulling out a dictionary to raise the level of your diction, but it is well and nice just to try to write something more creative than your standard girl blog. The bare bones of what I see is "I'm lonely" and "I was in love with THE IDEA of her [as the cliche goes]" and I'm not so sure the $10 words are adding any flesh to it.
So the rose has wilted and you're hanging onto the thorny stem. Maybe the pain would wash away if you threw it away too. What so great about a rose anyway? Go find yourself a nice daffodil. Someone hands you a rose, you know what that means: "I love you!" It's no more symbolic than the words themselves. Someone hands you a daffodil, what the heck does that mean? Maybe something interesting. The rose is a guaranteed femme fatale. She'll drag you into some weird noir murder plot on the pretense of erotic possibility. Oh no, I got shot! I guess that's the risk we take to live out cliches. I can feel my self-esteem deflating, like a child's birthday balloon. I didn't get what I wanted, and I'll cry if I want to.
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On November 29 2012 02:34 Chef wrote:
Sorry, I probably shouldn't have said that if people are just going to quote it when they wouldn't have noticed otherwise. I held my tongue in the I Am a Father thread and should have held my tongue here too. There's more that's sort of awkward/doesn't quite work than the bowels part, and I encourage you to write in a more natural style than pulling out a dictionary to raise the level of your diction, but it is well and nice just to try to write something more creative than your standard girl blog. The bare bones of what I see is "I'm lonely" and "I was in love with THE IDEA of her [as the cliche goes]" and I'm not so sure the $10 words are adding any flesh to it.
So the rose has wilted and you're hanging onto the thorny stem. Maybe the pain would wash away if you threw it away too. What so great about a rose anyway? Go find yourself a nice daffodil. Someone hands you a rose, you know what that means: "I love you!" It's no more symbolic than the words themselves. Someone hands you a daffodil, what the heck does that mean? Maybe something interesting. The rose is a guaranteed femme fatale. She'll drag you into some weird noir murder plot on the pretense of erotic possibility. Oh no, I got shot! I guess that's the risk we take to live out cliches. I can feel my self-esteem deflating, like a child's birthday balloon. I didn't get what I wanted, and I'll cry if I want to.
Ever think that others can notice things without you pointing them out? Ever think that your opinion on writing is not the only opinion? Ever think maybe you just don't understand what he's talking about? Does not sound like it with that post.
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I considered those possibilities, but they seem unlikely. Free free to explain the stronger interpretation you think I've missed.
Your quote is kinda perfect lol.
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United States13896 Posts
On November 29 2012 02:34 Chef wrote:
Sorry, I probably shouldn't have said that if people are just going to quote it when they wouldn't have noticed otherwise. I held my tongue in the I Am a Father thread and should have held my tongue here too. There's more that's sort of awkward/doesn't quite work than the bowels part, and I encourage you to write in a more natural style than pulling out a dictionary to raise the level of your diction, but it is well and nice just to try to write something more creative than your standard girl blog. The bare bones of what I see is "I'm lonely" and "I was in love with THE IDEA of her [as the cliche goes]" and I'm not so sure the $10 words are adding any flesh to it.
So the rose has wilted and you're hanging onto the thorny stem. Maybe the pain would wash away if you threw it away too. What so great about a rose anyway? Go find yourself a nice daffodil. Someone hands you a rose, you know what that means: "I love you!" It's no more symbolic than the words themselves. Someone hands you a daffodil, what the heck does that mean? Maybe something interesting. The rose is a guaranteed femme fatale. She'll drag you into some weird noir murder plot on the pretense of erotic possibility. Oh no, I got shot! I guess that's the risk we take to live out cliches. I can feel my self-esteem deflating, like a child's birthday balloon. I didn't get what I wanted, and I'll cry if I want to.
The "bowels of my heart" thing was not something I pulled out a dictionary. I may have paused at another point to get the right word, but this one came spontaneously. I don't expect you to understand why I describe it as such, but I'll explain it this way. I look back with such disdain on the way I acted, I cannot come up with a better visual aid to describe whatever feeling I was experiencing and what it's origins were. I view it as disgusting. It revolts me. It terrifies me.
This blog really has nothing to do with the girl. I gave up on that immediately. What I continue to struggle with is myself. There is a part of myself that disgusts me, that I fear every day may come out once again and wreck my life.
Just, please don't tell me I'm trying to elevate my writing to impress anyone here. I don't give a shit. This wasn't an exercise in masturbation, rather I was just trying to purge something about myself that I fucking hate in retrospect, but that I have to live with.
I don't expect a lot of people to relate to that phrase, but I meant it exactly as I wrote it.
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United States13896 Posts
I didn't mean to be crass or rude in my response, for that I'm sorry, I just have very strong feelings on this subject. To put it plainly, you just misinterpreted it.
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I think the imagery effectively portrays a feeling I relate to. The writer realizes he has romanticized the object of his love. He has never walked in her shoes. He knows her body and her personality, but not the parts that matter. He says that he is “completely ignorant of the undercurrents of emotion that swirl beneath in the depths of [her] mind.” Despite this, he romanticizes her hair, and other superficial parts of her. The phrase “the virtue that lies within your dark, auburn hair” illustrates that he deeply loves her hair and presumably other of her aesthetic features. Virtue implies that her hair is inherently good. Nothing is more valuable than a virtue, but yet this is only hair.
In the second paragraph he gains even more distance from his “inner romantic” reflecting on the “peculiar and wondrous thing to behold” as the balloon that is the vessel of his love can no longer maintain all of the hot air and breath he has blown into it. The contents are just “the child’s fancy” but the container is a “mans love.” The lack of control of the childish love caused the emotion to become overwhelming. It is not a pleasant emotion now that the love has expired. It is disgusting but the writer is still lucid and will not return to the terrible vortex of emotions.
So, I thought the use of language was actually strong and I learned a lot about myself.
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5/5
I know these feelings way too well. Acknowledge your mistake, try to learn from it, move forward. It's the only way I think.
Also I'd have used "the guts of my heart" but I'm not a native xD
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@p4NDemik: wow nice written man, after reading this i can relate a lot of your feelings, but in my case im just waiting my ballong to explode cause i know is all my imagination, a feelin i built based on something that dont exist. at the end... The Thorn Remains
@meteorskunk: good ... very good ... at leas for me thx for sharing
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I see you found the synonym function in Words....
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United States13896 Posts
On November 29 2012 14:57 lazyitachi wrote:
I see you found the synonym function in Words....
Yeah, because you can find imagery like "my inner romantic, filled like a hot air balloon, ready to burst at the seams" right in Word using the synonym function. I think its right in there under "you're a positively boring nitwit who is offended by creative thought. Oh my!"
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EPT
