It was noon. I was at my girlfriend's house, a thirty minute drive south of our hometown. I spent Thursday night there so I could spend some time with her before we left Friday to come back to our home town for her uncle's wedding, which was on Saturday. We were still in bed, mostly asleep. Her phone went off, indicating a new text. I figured it was either her friend Chris, or another one of her friends. I was wrong. It turned out that it was my brother. After I read the text I sat bolt upright and began getting dressed immediately. My grandfather was in the hospital, dying, and I should head back right now. After getting dressed, I started discussing with my girlfriend about whether we had time to do anything she needed to do that day. We decided we didn't, and packed my laptop up and headed back to the hospital in my hometown. My parents and brother had been at the hospital for 30 or 40 minutes by the time they messaged me, and were still standing around his bed by the time my girlfriend and I got there. He wasn't in a private room, he was still in the sub-acute care section of the emergency department. We were crowded in the small curtained off section, and once a nurse or someone even tried to tell us we had too many people there. Not long after my girlfriend and I got there, we went to the nearest Tim Horton's and got coffee and such for everyone. We stayed for a while longer as he lie there, eyes barely open, a saline drip with morphine in his arm, gasping for air from his oxygen mask. On the way to Timmy's my brother assured me that he was still himself, having made a few funny comments in his lucid moments after they initially stopped his morphine before they restarted it. After a while my great aunt Rose (his sister) showed up and we eventually left. That was the last time I saw my grandfather. I think this was around 3 PM or so. Eventually they found him a room, and I assume more relatives showed up to see him before he passed. Sometime around 8 PM, he died.
As I write this it's 1:30 AM Sunday. I never did go to my girlfriend's uncle's wedding. I don't think I'd have been able to handle a happy occasion like that right after that Friday. This is the first time a close family member of mine has died.
I wish I knew the exact timeline of when he was diagnosed and such, but I think it was about 3 months ago. Before the diagnosis, there had been a few odd health issues that would occasionally plague my grandfather, but nothing ever terribly serious. In less than half a year, he went from being active, cooking dinner every Sunday, going for a walk with our dog, etc. to hardly able to walk, lying on a hospital bed in their apartment.
I seem to be wavering between moments of intense depression, and relative normalcy. I can still read something funny and laugh most of the time. But I have moments where even thinking about him for a split second will result in me breaking down in tears. I feel like even the moments where I can laugh, it's just on the outside. I feel like I'm just going through the motions of life without truly enjoying anything. I can't even really play video games any more, because nothing catches my attention. Nothing draws me in.
My grandfather was a role model for me. Not because he was perfect, but entirely because he wasn't. He used to be an alcoholic before I was born, but shortly before I was born he quit drinking, and later smoking as well; both cold turkey. He changed, even after so many years. I never witnessed any of his faults, so knowing that he had his problems and seeing that he managed to overcome them and become than man I knew showed me that there is always a chance to save yourself.
Normally I'd have more to write, and organize things better, but I've been having a hard time putting things into words in the first place. Thanks to everyone who reads this. I just really needed to get this down in words.
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I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my Great Grandmother 8 years ago and my Grandmother 4 years ago, two people who I was very close with, so I understand exactly where you are coming from. It gets easier as the months and years pass, but you'll always have those moments where you just break down into tears. Talking with friends and family really helps, and try and keep your Grandfathers spirit alive. Talk about him, talk to him, etc... It really helps 
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EPT
