|
The concept of nice guys finishing last is a bit misrepresented. The girls that are being missed out on by the nice guys, and that cause the general whining are typically the more visually attractive ones, and depending on your own traits and personality, are usually not a girl you’d fancy in a long-term relationship for a variety of reasons; whether that’s because they wear slutty clothes to clubs, or have an IQ of 90, or are attention-whores, or <insert whatever you think is negative here>, etc…, it still doesn’t change that initial desire, and the disappointment that accompanies not being able to at least have that option.
As humans, we’ve evolved, but not far enough that women are solely intellectual in their pursuit of men. The majority of women are still at the mercy of basic biological imperatives and is another crux of why nice guys typically finish last. Nice guys are in general cases, far too rational and analytical to allow their instincts to lead them into a potential relationship. They psyche themselves out, whether by thinking they can’t get a woman, or by simply trying too hard.
Now at their core, what are nice guys? They are kind, respectful, and fatally agreeable individuals that get in their own way. That agreeable trait shared by most nice guys passes the buck of power to the woman in almost every instance. It’s not that women enjoy a challenge, but they enjoy a man that can take charge and not be led down whatever path she chooses. The men, in an effort to be liked, or to share time with the woman, become too afraid to desire and champion their own interests, and thus become boring. Devoid of the physical aspect, those women’s imperatives that judge a man’s actions play not only into sexual desire, but to any potential evaluation of a man of the household and father figure. And nice guys lose out on all fronts.
The other aspect that hinders a nice guy, is that they’re so fantastic and great, and we’ll say, predictable, that as a woman you have to wonder what’s on the other side of that. In essence, it can only go down, or turn negative at certain instances or completely. A reason that the “bad” guy is so intriguing for women, is that along with an unpredictable nature (which some may or may not find “sexy”), the odds of a “bad” guy getting even worse in his treatment of women is slimmer in their eyes; that buried under all that disrespectful exterior, there’s a chance to find redeeming qualities that make it worth it and change him for the better (change is an illusion, will be written about in the future). Succinctly, a nice guy can only worsen, while a bad guy can only improve.
Now, what does that leave us with? We as people try too hard to fit a square peg into a round hole. The psychology behind why we try to force situations is going to be tailored to each individual, but it doesn’t change the fact that it happens. The main thing is that whether you’re a nice guy, bad guy, or a girl looking for something more, you just have to be yourself. If you can be yourself, and there is someone that enjoys you, accepts you, and desires you in all instances, that’s what a lot of us are truly looking for.
- Matt
 
|
Nice guys is a dumb euphamism for guys who don't have enough confidence?
|
Is this the start of a new love advice column? "Dear Matt"
Part of me wants to know what brought this on, but then maybe I don't.
|
Hah, if people sent in questions, perhaps it could turn into a column.
As for what brought it on, someone's status on my Facebook inspired me to write about it.
|
lol, "nice guys" who are rich/sexy/hot have no trouble getting women. It's the "nice guys" who are poor/fat/ugly that have trouble getting women.
But instead of admitting they are poor/fat/ugly, they try to blame it on women by accusing them of being "irrational" (wake up guys, they actually trying not to hurt your feelings).
edit:
from an investment prospective, not going for someone simply because they are nice Is Rational (this doesn't address the rationality of going for bad boys of course).
If a person has money, or is physically sexy, the benefits are more tangible and it is easier to manage the risk, eg you will be able to see if someone's bank account is going down or they are losing their muscles, so you can leave them before they lose everything.
Where as if you invest in someone's personality, that is a total black box. A person can be nice now, but what if their attitude suddenly changes, or maybe they are faking their personality? there is no indicator that allows a woman to easily see this coming, and so going for a "nice personality" is actually more risky and thus less rational.
|
Your post seems kinda detached from reality. :o
Nice guy vs Bad guy is like an immature high school concept. Yes, you're too "nice" towards women, that must be why you can't score girls.
|
Interesting guys get the girls.
Don't confuse nice and boring.
|
On November 04 2012 09:28 Kalingingsong wrote:
lol, "nice guys" who are rich/sexy/hot have no trouble getting women. It's the "nice guys" who are poor/fat/ugly that have trouble getting women.
But instead of admitting they are poor/fat/ugly, they try to blame it on women by accusing them of being "irrational" (wake up guys, they actually trying not to hurt your feelings).
edit:
from an investment prospective, not going for someone simply because they are nice Is Rational (this doesn't address the rationality of going for bad boys of course).
If a person has money, or is physically sexy, the benefits are more tangible and it is easier to manage the risk, eg you will be able to see if someone's bank account is going down or they are losing their muscles, so you can leave them before they lose everything.
Where as if you invest in someone's personality, that is a total black box. A person can be nice now, but what if their attitude suddenly changes, or maybe they are faking their personality? there is no indicator that allows a woman to easily see this coming, and so going for a "nice personality" is actually more risky and thus less rational.
I disagree.
Emotions are actually completely irrational...They color events which are tangible and change them according to personal perspective.
Thus the concept that LOVE, what we call love at least, is completely irrational because it is based off of emotions which are...irrational!
Emotions are not objective. But neither is love, so trying to tie them together (objectivity and an irrational concept) is silly.
If you want to talk about looking at people as an OBJECTIVE then you would be talking about "game"  .
If a person has money, or is physically sexy, the benefits are more tangible and it is easier to manage the risk, eg you will be able to see if someone's bank account is going down or they are losing their muscles, so you can leave them before they lose everything.
Is not love, is just viewing a person's assets as an objective. The person is an objective - thus a form of "game." (I use this term to put it into perspective). Love as an irrationality would disregard this.
I'm just of the opinion that the two don't mix . But I'm also the sort that takes an objective perspective instead of an emotional one.
|
ya I agree, i guess it depends on which one you are aiming for:
1) do you want women to love you?
2) or do you want women to want you? (ie as a conscious choice)
so interestingly you end up with 4 scenarios:
1) you love women, and you want women to love you (eg hopeless romantic)
2) you love women, but you only want them to want you (eg lonely rich guy hires prostitute)
3) you only want women, but you want them to love you (eg con-artist or pickup artist?)
4) you only want women, and you only want them to want you (common in 3rd world countries where people get together for economics)
edit:
"want" might not be the best word, I don't mean lust (not addressed here), maybe "choose" is a better word.
|
A 'nice guy' lacks the balls to be anything but nice.
I know plenty of nice guys that are shy and silly - who text things like, "I really liked meeting you yesterday. We should blah blah blah."
I also know plenty of guys that are nice who know how to use their balls effectively.
Essentially the difference between a 'nice guy' and a 'guy who is a nice' is the same difference between being cocky and being confident. Miles~apart.
You can be 'nice' without being a 'nice guy.'
'Nice guy' simply means guy without penis. 'Nice guy' does not necessarily mean the guy's nice. It just means, he has no penis.
It's not rocket science lol.
Guys want girls to be girly.
Girls want guys to be manly.
Hence - nice guys get no pussy because they have nothing to get it with.
|
Girls for whatever reason are attracted to those guys who will go through a girl a month instead of a guy who will always be there for them and will never treat her like shit. Saw way too much of it already lol, nice guy talks to a girl, likes her, they become great friends and some more, "cool" guy walks into girl's life, and even though he completely ignores her, she's immediately attracted and friend-zones the other guy to go chase cool guy. Cool guy hooks up with girl to have sex, and after it gets stale he dumps her in search of another girl.
|
"Nice guys" is actually bad-wording when trying to describe that kind of guy:
+ Show Spoiler +
The problem is not that he is a nice person, polite and stuff. The problem is that he is... weak or soft. He let the girl walk over him and do what she wants. He doesn't express his own needs/wants. He has no passions and will quickly make a 180 just to please someone. That's being weak and having no personality.
Girls want to have some fun.
On the opposite side it's very wrong to say girls want to date bad people. Will she date an asshole ? probably. But it's not what she wants. The thing is, said asshole at least has a personality and that's somewhat attractive. She doesn't know at first glance its a bad person, she just hopes he will be different or that she can change it. Also it's important to remember, these people will also just have an easier time asking a girl out. The more you hit, the better your chances. Nice guys that don't try or wait 3years to do it will fail.
<<Can't think of a good example>>
So... what to do ? Just be in the middle. Be a good person but with a strong personality. Have passions, have beliefs, do not apologize for wanting to see a different movie and don't crawl. OH and most important... don't be afraid to actually ask the girl out !!
Be more like these guys (but don't steal money !):
+ Show Spoiler +
or that one since its a SC forum:
+ Show Spoiler +
Oh and geek nice guys... remember, getting a degree is probably 20x harder than getting a girlfriend.
Getting a perfect girlfriend however is pretty hard but you won't find THE ONE if you don't try out some first.
|
From my experience those guys who are quite attractive to girls are mostly cool friendly dudes, the type of guys you would like to have a beer with. I suspect everyone thinks that guys who are good with girls are jerks because they dump the girls easily, but that is the result of them being good with girls and not the cause of it, am I right?
|
On November 04 2012 12:56 targ wrote:
From my experience those guys who are quite attractive to girls are mostly cool friendly dudes, the type of guys you would like to have a beer with. I suspect everyone thinks that guys who are good with girls are jerks because they dump the girls easily, but that is the result of them being good with girls and not the cause of it, am I right?
I think so. If they are good with girls they don't really have to put a lot of effort into making it work with a particular girl because they can easily find another who might be a better match for them.
|
Guys with no spine finishes last. Don't mistake indecision and being a general pansy for niceness. These "nice" guys aren't nice. If they were really nice, they wouldn't expect anything after doing something nice, instead they go running back to the internet after getting shot down by girls.
|
I have a slight urge to respond negatively accusing you/nice guys of no confidence etc... but instead I'll just say I agree with most of what you said there, especially the ending
|
On November 04 2012 11:47 Whatson wrote:
Girls for whatever reason are attracted to those guys who will go through a girl a month instead of a guy who will always be there for them and will never treat her like shit.
In high school maybe lol
|
Being yourself is bad advice. You need some confidence first.
|
On November 04 2012 09:28 Kalingingsong wrote:
lol, "nice guys" who are rich/sexy/hot have no trouble getting women. It's the "nice guys" who are poor/fat/ugly that have trouble getting women.
But instead of admitting they are poor/fat/ugly, they try to blame it on women by accusing them of being "irrational" (wake up guys, they actually trying not to hurt your feelings).
edit:
from an investment prospective, not going for someone simply because they are nice Is Rational (this doesn't address the rationality of going for bad boys of course).
If a person has money, or is physically sexy, the benefits are more tangible and it is easier to manage the risk, eg you will be able to see if someone's bank account is going down or they are losing their muscles, so you can leave them before they lose everything.
Where as if you invest in someone's personality, that is a total black box. A person can be nice now, but what if their attitude suddenly changes, or maybe they are faking their personality? there is no indicator that allows a woman to easily see this coming, and so going for a "nice personality" is actually more risky and thus less rational.
Ah yes, that's why we only see rich, beautiful people getting together and having children, right?
|
Women are attracted to men who can attract women. It show that they are, indeed, capable of attracting a woman.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT![[image loading]](http://tremyror.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/lenoard.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xPbiNaHqur0/TmsuY6eG2zI/AAAAAAAADYU/GcUds5IQzvk/s640/Ocean%2527s+Eleven+05.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3443/3195181441_24fa6712cd_o.jpg)
