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Hello,
My name is Chris, and I am a 23 year old nerd baller. First of, I have lived on my own on and off since the age of 17. My relationship with my Father at the time was rocky to say the least and it seemed the best solution for us was to just distance myself. Decided on one of the larger cities in Florida and wound up sticking around for a year or so. Eventually, I grew tired of the area and had heard talk of friends from my original town getting together to split rent on a house with 4 total people and decided this could be a fun opportunity. Sadly this also became unlivable for me in time due to the "frat house" nature of the residence. I decided it was best to pack up and find something better, but my Fiance (then just girlfriend at the time) decided I should just move in with her at her parent's residence instead of wasting more money on rent.
So for a about a year or two I had lived with my Fiance with her Mother and Father at the their residence. It actually was quite tolerable as they had part of the house remodeled as a separate wing so we had considerable privacy. My Fiance and I always had the option and the income to move out if we decided to save a little, but never really had the desire as life was pretty well there most of the time.
One random day coming home from work pulling into the driveway of her parent's house, I see my Fiance outside throwing our things into the back of her vehicle. I'm told we're leaving and can't stay here any longer and so I spent the rest of my night immediately after work packing everything I own. So we actually found a nice apartment 2bd/1ba that is somewhat affordable and are actually happy with. We've been here for about 4 or 5 months now and we're both really starting to settle in.
~ The Issue ~
Yesterday, my Father passed after fighting of Pancreatic cancer for about 13 months. I'm very glad to be in the same town as my mother in our apartment that we like, but even being that close to my Mom can feel so far away sometimes. Today when I went to visit my Mom and make sure she was doing okay, she mentioned that when speaking with my Brother (He's 37 with his own family on the opposite end of the country) he suggested that my Fiance and I move in with my mother, and my Mother asked if I would be interested in the idea.
On one hand:
1) I think she will appreciate not living alone and we could keep her company.
2) We can take care of the work around the house my Dad used to take care of.
3) My Fiance and I would literally have 1/4th the bills we have now, and can even help my Mother with her finances as well since our living expense would be so low.
On the other hand:
1) I enjoy the privacy of living on our own. (We smoke weed*, Fiance tends to be naked often)
2) The Fiance seemed very upset parting with our place now that she's been settled. It seems like she has a large sense of pride or feeling of "home" regarding this apartment compared to anywhere else we have lived. She got a little teary when I brought up the idea of leaving.
* Would not be an issue as Mother knows but doesn't stress it, we'd just have to go outside instead of smoking where ever we feel.
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In the end I feel like it would be a good things to move back with my Mother until we can all at least get our lives straitened out, but I can't help but feel this anger getting worse and worse and building inside. My Fiance said she would go anywhere to make myself and my Mother feel better, but she said it in a way that was felt like a not sincere answer to appease me.
I guess I just don't understand how she can be so unaccommodating to something I feel a legitimate request, especially after myself enduring relocating twice in the past with zero notice due to arguments with her parents.
Thank you if anyone made if through the post, I feel like I mainly needed to just get this of my chest and all.
Any and all comments are welcome and greatly appreciated as I'm at a complete loss here.
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You're right to be angry your fiance is being absolutely ridiculous. This is a no brainer. Your dad just died and your mom who gave birth to you needs you, you'd save so much money, AND you lived with HER parents. I'm getting mad just thinking about it.
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United States10627 Posts
Yeah ur fiance is being a bit unrealistic.
go to your mom. in the end, shes the one that gave birth to you, took care of you when you were young, and loves you the most more than anyone else in this world.
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Very interesting read. Sorry about your old man.
I don't know much about finance or your family. I'll storm my brain for the fun of it though.
- you could remain close to your mom, provide her care and company by not living with her.
-financial gain can be harmful if you sacrifice independance
- You obviously know this but you probably want to find more about how your girlfriend feels and why.
- your mom might want a bowl from time to time. that could be fun.
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Thanks for the replies so far guys, knowing that anyone has even read my little rant is relieving some of that tension.
On October 02 2012 08:31 meteorskunk wrote:
- you could remain close to your mom, provide her care and company by not living with her.
This was my original plan, but the fact that my Mother was the one to bring up moving in makes me feel like it's what I need to do.. and writing that last sentence right there reminding myself she asked me to in the first place makes me feel so stupid for not just doing it instantly. FUCK. Now I just feel disappointed in myself.
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Hey man, I know this situation has to suck for you, and I have no idea what you're going through.
All I can say is that I hope that you and your family can find a solution that fits all of you, whether or not that means leaving your current home or not.
Know that there are people who care, and I'm sure you could go to someone neutral that your family knows if you need some extra help.
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Mildly awkward that her parents were obviously harboring resentment towards the two of you but apparently never brought it up. "By the way, things are NOT okay, and we need to leave now." Nice.
But I guess the difference is you were living with her parents out of convenience and you're considering moving back with your mother out of a sense of obligation/love/you know, stuff.
Also consider the mere aspect of time: perhaps your fiance had long wanted to leave her parents place but it was you who showed little interest or effort? I mean she suggested it initially to save money, but feelings and goals change "after a year or two," I'm betting they did for her.
I'm not on your fiance's side, but I ask you consider the whole picture, which includes the things that your fiance has not said explicitly but evidence is potentially there.
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I feel bad for this situation that you got thrown into. Sorry about your dad passing.
My thoughts would be to maybe move close by your mom, like just a few minutes away. Then make a plan to visit her like 4 days a week, take her out for lunch etc. I don't think you have to necessarily move in with her. As long as she has something to look forward to in her week (seeing you), I think that's all she would want. Privacy wouldn't be an issue with this scenario whereas it might if you moved in with her.
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Well, i think i'll just say what my considerations would be (remeber that I'm talking about myself. You should listen to your emotions..)
I would never move back. I love my "freedom" and privacy way to much, especially with a GF/Fiance.
I would however consider a solution for a short time. Maybe come back for half a year, considering the condition of your mom? I think you Fiance could live with it, and your mom would be happy. But I would make it 100% clear that this is only a short-term thing, lasting exactly half a year. This way both your Fiance and your mom know whats going on, and make adequate plans.
But again, we can only try to present choices, you have to find a solution - optimally with your Fiance.
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Is this some american thing, being okay with moving back with your parents? :O When I move out, I'm gone. Sure, the mother gave birth to the child, but the child has his/her own life. I wouldn't move back to my mom unless she couldn't take care of herself, and by that I mean she need to be fed, washed, can't walk by herself, go shopping by herself etc.
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EPT
