While studying what I consider successful people trough different disciplines, I have found there are few traits that seem common amongst them. One, which I consider fundamental, is the capacity to control their emotions, from within.
What does this mean?
I am quite sure many people are familiar with the idea of controling their emotions. As nerds, we employ logic to figure out how to do something, then evaluate if its worth doing, and then execute what we planed. This is NOT what I am referring too. Emotional control is going beyond that.
In general I believe there are 3 basic types of person. People driven by their emotions, people driven by logic and those who go beyond and achieve emotional mastery. Of course, you can't make a clear separation among them, and people's way to act and think swings between them aswell. But you should most of the type aim for the third.
Emo Bitches
This is the attitude most "normal" people have when it comes to living life. They are happy when good stuff happens to them, they get depressed when shit goes south, they suffer doing the stuff they have to, and are happy again when doing what they enjoy.
They can actually be very happy, since its entirely possible to run overall good in life with some luck. Or they can be emo bitches when shit goes bad and never be able to pull their shit together and turn stuff around.
The great flaw on this way of living life, is that you rely on the outside to make you happy. You never take responsability on getting shit done and its really hard to improve on anything. You blame your flaws on your family, your friends, genetics or society and dont take action.
It's not McDonalds or genetics fault, you are fat because you eat too much crap
Geeks
Supressing emotions and relying on logic to get stuff done. It works, some times. Is what scientists and engineers do, and it works. FOR SOME STUFF, and its where I come from and usually regress too.
Anything wrong with that? You bet.
First, not everything you want and or have to do in life can be resolved trough logic. You can't rely entirely (nor mostly) on logic to connect with other people, specially with woman. Human interaction is based around emotions, and it is an important part on being happy as social creatures.
Not good mentality for parties
Second and most important, going trough life without feeling stuff fucking sucks, and its boring. Plus, most likely than not you will develop negative thoughts that will hold you back, cause you can't really supress emotions. You will start doubting yourself, think stuff is not worth doing and generally not be awesome at life.
“The man who is guided by concepts and abstractions only succeeds by such means in warding off misfortune, without ever gaining any happiness for himself from these abstractions. And while he aims for the greatest possible freedom from pain, the intuitive man, standing in the midst of a culture, already reaps from his intuition a harvest of continually inflowing illumination, cheer, and redemption — in addition to obtaining a defense against misfortune." - F. Nietzsche
Zen
Emotional mastery comes from within. Truly successfull and happy people, are able to decide how they feel, depending on the situation upon them. They walk relaxed and carefree trough most of their day. When solving a math problem, they focus 100% on the task at hand and rely completely on analitical analisis to solve the task at hand. Later at night, at a party will have a good time with his friends and not worry or actually think of anything; just enjoy having fun. However, when seeing a hot chick, he will aproach her directly feeling confident on himself, therefore skyrocketing his success chances.
Athletes are very good at this. Sometimes, you need to be calm on the feel and catch your breath; others, you need a delusional faith on yourself to push trough the blockers.
For example, an MMA fighter who walks around as the nicest guy in the world, but steps into the ring and turns into a fucking beast which remains undefeated for 20 years fighting guys with 20-40 pounds on him.
Fedor Emelianenko, while not fighting, looking like a teddy bear.
In the end, you walk around withand unshaterring confidence on yourself. You are happy, cause you choose to do so. When a challenge arises, you feel the best emotion to succeed at the task at hand. Be it solving a math problem, a new squat record, or avenging Aiur in the last BW OSL. When shit happens, even if it crushed you, at least you can take comfort on how you dealt with it; when good shit happens, its usually cause YOU made it occur.
The hard part is, How do you control your emotions? There are many ways, I'll elaborate on them later, but know you must find the ones that suits you. The first step though, is to accept responsability and to decide you want to get shit done. They say with great power comes great responsability, but I believe the contrary to be more true. With great responsability comes great power.
Where am at?
I'm not a monk yet, and I can't dry wet towels while meditating on the snow. I've got a long way to go trough, but there is one aspect on which I believe I do control what I feel perfectly; when facing the Iron.
Whenever I squat, but specially when going for PRs (Personal Records, be it more weight or more reps/sets) I feel power flowing trough me. My heart rate goes up, so does my breathing, and its a close to religious experience. To do so, I actually picture myself as goku powering up before getting under the bar. As a huge DBZ fan this is what works for me, what has en emotional imprint on me.
Trough my mind, before squatting.
When deadlifting, I feel a deep calm going trough my body (opposite to the squat), and then achieve complete muscular tension and accept that I'm gonna have to grind the weight slowly to lockout. THEN, I get down to grab the bar, but to me, the weight has already been lifted. I'm tensed to lift it before hand.
No tought goes trough my mind WHILE lifting. And in general, I have a delusional confidence on my self at the gym. I use logic to write my spread sheet and plan ahead what I'm doing, so I pick my battles, but while at them I'm damn fucking sure I'm being successful.
On the other hand, I can sometimes feel fucking awesome and confident with woman, but not always. Sometimes I just think too much and fuck up :p.
As humans, we are more capable than we think we are. There are tons of anecdotal evidence of people doing thing they were not supposed to, and have felt it myself a few, rare times. The benefits of emotional mastery are unlimited, and totally worth pursing. Start by taking action, and believing it can be done. "If you always put limit[s] on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there -- you must go beyond them." – Bruce Lee
You always sound like some insecure little girl that tries to be strong and cool like others. Being confident and happy isn't about being a monk or controlling your emotions. It's about being happy with yourself and knowing that you are a good human being, independently from everything else. And I never understood the appeal of lifting heavy bars and gaining muscles you can actually use for almost nothing. But that's a whole other story. I hope for you to find happiness and zen-status in your life, even if you have to lift weights for getting there
On September 10 2012 16:33 RolleMcKnolle wrote: You always sound like some insecure little girl that tries to be strong and cool like others. Being confident and happy isn't about being a monk or controlling your emotions. It's about being happy with yourself and knowing that you are a good human being, independently from everything else. And I never understood the appeal of lifting heavy bars and gaining muscles you can actually use for almost nothing. But that's a whole other story. I hope for you to find happiness and zen-status in your life, even if you have to lift weights for getting there
It's not about controlling emotions like a monk or even robot.
The concept of "controlling" emotions works very well when you are aware of the truth that at the deepest level, whatever you feel is due to yourself and nothing else. Nothing can "make" you angry or sad. It's your mindset (somebody hurt your ego, attachment towards somebody). Which is why I think it's more than merely "controlling" it.
Forget about the ego or let that person go and accept that he's passed and you will be a lot calmer.
I don't enjoy feeling angry or depressed, especially since it feels like shit. And when I remember that I need to change my perception to be calmer it feels so good having all that anger go away. No squeezing rubber ball bullshit.
And when your perceptions change, when you know that it's all about you, you'll learn to persevere and work hard to achieve your goals instead of blaming on all kinds of crap and giving excuses. eg "I have ADHD" (which is why I hate these labels) / "I have bad genetics" / "I'm not talented"
However when it comes to certain things like music, somehow I embrace all kinds of emotions and I really enjoy a song that can make someone angry or sad.
This is of course as you've already known, easier said than done and takes years of training.
Edit: Read his old blog and got why you wrote that lol. (Anyways not being angry much sure does make me happier)
On September 10 2012 19:02 JieXian wrote: The concept of "controlling" emotions works very well when you are aware of the truth that at the deepest level, whatever you feel is due to yourself and nothing else. Nothing can "make" you angry or sad. It's your mindset (somebody hurt your ego, attachment towards somebody). Which is why I think it's more than merely "controlling" it.
Forget about the ego or let that person go and accept that he's passed and you will be a lot calmer.
Well my point is that if you are happy with yourself there is no need to "forget" that somebody hurt your ego, because you won't get hurt. It's just something somebody said/did so who cares? So rather than thinking it is just me who gets angry you should contemplate why you would got angry/sad in the first place, and think whether there really is a reason for doing so.(Maybe this is what you wanted to say, I'm not sure) And I wouldn't call it healthy if you don't want to get sad at all anymore. There are reasons to get sad and sadness helps us to get over bad things that happened(loved one dies, would be a (extreme) example). Most people should just learn to be happy with themselves instead of trying to just feel less oO
On September 10 2012 16:33 RolleMcKnolle wrote: You always sound like some insecure little girl that tries to be strong and cool like others. Being confident and happy isn't about being a monk or controlling your emotions. It's about being happy with yourself and knowing that you are a good human being, independently from everything else. And I never understood the appeal of lifting heavy bars and gaining muscles you can actually use for almost nothing. But that's a whole other story. I hope for you to find happiness and zen-status in your life, even if you have to lift weights for getting there
It's not about controlling emotions like a monk or even robot.
The concept of "controlling" emotions works very well when you are aware of the truth that at the deepest level, whatever you feel is due to yourself and nothing else. Nothing can "make" you angry or sad. It's your mindset (somebody hurt your ego, attachment towards somebody). Which is why I think it's more than merely "controlling" it.
Forget about the ego or let that person go and accept that he's passed and you will be a lot calmer.
I don't enjoy feeling angry or depressed, especially since it feels like shit. And when I remember that I need to change my perception to be calmer it feels so good having all that anger go away. No squeezing rubber ball bullshit.
And when your perceptions change, when you know that it's all about you, you'll learn to persevere and work hard to achieve your goals instead of blaming on all kinds of crap and giving excuses. eg "I have ADHD" (which is why I hate these labels) / "I have bad genetics" / "I'm not talented"
However when it comes to certain things like music, somehow I embrace all kinds of emotions and I really enjoy a song that can make someone angry or sad.
This is of course as you've already known, easier said than done and takes years of training.
Edit: Read his old blog and got why you wrote that lol. (Anyways not being angry much sure does make me happier)
Ya this is mostly what I was referring to.
To RolleMcKnolle, yeah just not worrying and being happy work form some people. However many of us got fucked up along the way. There are many depressed people around (I used to be) and tellin them to just "stop worrying" is gonna do shit for them. Its like telling a geek to "just go and talk to her" or telling a drug addict to "just stop using". Most likely wont work. Act natural goes the same way, when ur natural is being clumsy and awkward.
I don't lift weights to get bigger muscles, I lift to lift more within my weight class. Muscles are a side effect. I don't like bodybuilding personally (though I respect it), and I see how it comes as "bad" across normal people, but strength training is quite different.
On September 10 2012 19:02 JieXian wrote: The concept of "controlling" emotions works very well when you are aware of the truth that at the deepest level, whatever you feel is due to yourself and nothing else. Nothing can "make" you angry or sad. It's your mindset (somebody hurt your ego, attachment towards somebody). Which is why I think it's more than merely "controlling" it.
Forget about the ego or let that person go and accept that he's passed and you will be a lot calmer.
Well my point is that if you are happy with yourself there is no need to "forget" that somebody hurt your ego, because you won't get hurt. It's just something somebody said/did so who cares? So rather than thinking it is just me who gets angry you should contemplate why you would got angry/sad in the first place, and think whether there really is a reason for doing so.(Maybe this is what you wanted to say, I'm not sure) And I wouldn't call it healthy if you don't want to get sad at all anymore. There are reasons to get sad and sadness helps us to get over bad things that happened(loved one dies, would be a (extreme) example). Most people should just learn to be happy with themselves instead of trying to just feel less oO
RolleMcKnolle, when you say (maybe this is what you are trying to say) you're right. You claim to have a superior perspective than the original poster but for me, it is just a restatement.
Second and most important, going trough life without feeling stuff fucking sucks, and its boring. Plus, most likely than not you will develop negative thoughts that will hold you back, cause you can't really supress emotions. You will start doubting yourself, think stuff is not worth doing and generally not be awesome at life.
you said "don't suppress emotions" which is pretty much the central idea of the blog. The post is about harnessing emotions for one's benefit and taking responsibility for one's actions.
Well my point is that if you are happy with yourself there is no need to "forget" that somebody hurt your ego, because you won't get hurt.
You're right, the truly secure are not vulnerable to minor attacks of pride. This blog in my opinion is not addressing the truly secure, though; its addressing people who may not have recognized security,
I personally think of myself more of a Zen type of person. I walk around carefree most of my days. Even when I have problems, they only exist for about 5-10 minutes before I sort them out in my head. If something bad happens to me like I trip and fall over, I laugh it off and keep on going with my day (very shallow example)
Also FYI, squatting is the single handedly most intensive exercise that you can do. It works the most muscles and uses the most of your body. Whenever I squat, I try to get it done first because even a seasoned weight lifter like me still feels relatively tired after doing just 5x5 of squatting because it just drains your energy
On September 10 2012 19:02 JieXian wrote: The concept of "controlling" emotions works very well when you are aware of the truth that at the deepest level, whatever you feel is due to yourself and nothing else. Nothing can "make" you angry or sad. It's your mindset (somebody hurt your ego, attachment towards somebody). Which is why I think it's more than merely "controlling" it.
Forget about the ego or let that person go and accept that he's passed and you will be a lot calmer.
Well my point is that if you are happy with yourself there is no need to "forget" that somebody hurt your ego, because you won't get hurt. It's just something somebody said/did so who cares? So rather than thinking it is just me who gets angry you should contemplate why you would got angry/sad in the first place, and think whether there really is a reason for doing so.(Maybe this is what you wanted to say, I'm not sure) And I wouldn't call it healthy if you don't want to get sad at all anymore. There are reasons to get sad and sadness helps us to get over bad things that happened(loved one dies, would be a (extreme) example). Most people should just learn to be happy with themselves instead of trying to just feel less oO
That's why I wrote control in inverted commas and said it's more than merely controlling :D
I disagree on the second paragraph however. Sadness is feeling like shit because something bad and undesirable happened. When we cannot accept it, we become sad.
eg. I'm sad because my cat died, but you might not give a shit about cats so you didn't feel anything. I was sad because I couldn't accept its death.
I see is as more of feeling less like shit (i.e. happier) than "feeling less"
Your idea of a monk is false lol, monks don't block out emotions they just don't attach or judge them. An enlightened monk had a true unbiased and unconditioned view of reality. They don't view things as good or bad or get into deep thinking like you did with your blog, they accept things for what they are at face value, for what they truly are.
For example, if they become sick they view it as being sick, not good or bad, if they eat a "nice meal" they view it as eating a meal, not good or bad, same with death therefore they are able to obtain inner peace and let go of everything including life which leads to their calmness and peace of mind a long with deep understanding of reality for what it truly is instead of judging things in the human condition.
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