I attempt to type and my eyes glaze over. To categorize, compartmentalize, maybe somehow understand the things in my life...so many strands cut short. Or rather lit aflame before my eyes. So many desperate attempts at realization. But I've realized little, and I've actualized an infinitely small portion of that!
The constant pitter-patter of friends dripping away in the constant rain of life. There is no regret or hostility, of course. But, moving on...why? I would always rather stay in the dream-cloud in which we grew up. We can stay there, you know. Why can't we make art and have fun and play games and be what we always were. Epicurus taught good lessons about friends. But everyone moves on. Society says to move on. So it happens. I never listened.
But it's not just society, and I understand why. The lust, desire, love, satisfaction, ecstasy, content of the Other. I've been there, I've felt it. But do you really think life is simple? And do you want to risk it on this endeavor? Some things stand the test of time. Friends do. They truly do. Lovers don't. If you're lucky your friend is your lover and you come out alright, but it's impossible to see that until you are too far entangled in the twist of emotional distress. So why do we do it?
Loneliness crushes all. The huge foot of the stone giant looms over us and we scatter away like mice, frantically searching for a place of safety. And here I sit under the foot of the giant. I pretended I could hold it up, but I'm just a mouse.
I didn't play the game. I didn't get a good job. I didn't get girlfriends. I pretended like I was immune. I now I am alone, depressed, alone, so fucking alone. A failure. A loner. No career. Nothing but fantasy and make-believe, and the pebbles of reverie scatter with each step forward I take, with no one to help me prove that we could take on that threatening stone giant.
I think it is easy to write in such convoluted prose and confuse it for depth. The real test of strong writing is a strict adherence to purity of language, using language to convey what you mean rather than hide meaning in flowery prose.
But, more important, the second part:
You might feel depressed about where you are at, but you need to understand that you can literally change everything that you want about your life. It is just a matter of doing it.
If you don't have any friends, you can still go out alone. Some of my most memorable nights were spend going out alone, meeting new people.
You don't have to commit to anything you don't want to. You can sell everything you have and take a plane to the other end of the world. If you aren't happy where you are, don't stay there.
I don't know how old you are, but I understand the feeling of having missed the boat and feeling like you ended up outside of the life everyone else seems to be having. Realize that you can change almost anything you want. It won't always be easy, but you can.
Change, if only for the sake of change, can be very valuable in realizing this.
I feel the same. I looked at my colleagues throughout school and felt like everything was fake and cheap. Every time I participated in one of their manufactured and completely expected jokes I couldn't help but shudder. It's probably just me though, because I was so neurotic even when I found someone I liked I would ruin it and self destruct. I just couldn't play their games, I wanted to be real. We could be friends! But then again you probably won't like me since no one likes me. What age are you anyway? Perhaps there's still time for you to bounce back. Just remember there's no safety net to pull you out of your own life.
I think it is easy to write in such convoluted prose and confuse it for depth. The real test of strong writing is a strict adherence to purity of language, using language to convey what you mean rather than hide meaning in flowery prose
It's easy to write in simple prose and confuse it for depth. The real test of strong writing is a strict adherence to purity of language...wait. What? I was kind of with ya for a bit there in my own fantasy world, but guess we'll have to disagree to disagree. Writing is about expression. Nothing else. The 11 year old expressing himself with silly poop jokes is just as holy as whatever ridiculousness I attempt to type.
I don't know how old you are, but I understand the feeling of having missed the boat and feeling like you ended up outside of the life everyone else seems to be having. Realize that you can change almost anything you want. It won't always be easy, but you can.
Change, if only for the sake of change, can be very valuable in realizing this.
Problem is I think their life is foolish, or at least risky. How do I convince them to form a friends-only Epicurean treehouse type deal? Of course I can't.
Alright, I'm even more annoyed by the first comennt. Writing NEVER conveys some sort of pure meaning through writing alone. There is no such thing as purity here. There is only communication of ideal, of emotion, of what is actually unspeakable! but put into writing inexplicably, ironically, unaccountably. 'Flowery' language is creation, but non flowery language is as well, in its absence implying all sorts of flourishes through the active imagination of the reader.
Problem is I think their life is foolish, or at least risky. How do I convince them to form a friends-only Epicurean treehouse type deal? Of course I can't.
Then make new friends that would agree to that type of deal.
On July 21 2012 18:04 Roe wrote: I feel the same. I looked at my colleagues throughout school and felt like everything was fake and cheap. Every time I participated in one of their manufactured and completely expected jokes I couldn't help but shudder. It's probably just me though, because I was so neurotic even when I found someone I liked I would ruin it and self destruct. I just couldn't play their games, I wanted to be real. We could be friends! But then again you probably won't like me since no one likes me. What age are you anyway? Perhaps there's still time for you to bounce back. Just remember there's no safety net to pull you out of your own life.
I don't know. It's not just about friends, it's about expectations. It's hard to manage them.
I'm 27. Is there time? Of course there is plenty of time. Is there will, opportunity? Hopefully, but that's more questionable.
On July 21 2012 18:04 Roe wrote: I feel the same. I looked at my colleagues throughout school and felt like everything was fake and cheap. Every time I participated in one of their manufactured and completely expected jokes I couldn't help but shudder. It's probably just me though, because I was so neurotic even when I found someone I liked I would ruin it and self destruct. I just couldn't play their games, I wanted to be real. We could be friends! But then again you probably won't like me since no one likes me. What age are you anyway? Perhaps there's still time for you to bounce back. Just remember there's no safety net to pull you out of your own life.
I don't know. It's not just about friends, it's about expectations. It's hard to manage them.
I'm 27. Is there time? Of course there is plenty of time. Is there will, opportunity? Hopefully, but that's more questionable.
Im 24 and came out of university and a 6 year relationship. It's just a period in your life when people grow up into adults and start taking responsibility for their future. I'm very much alone right now, my friends have jobs and my fiance cheated on me to leave with another person while i was graduating. But i dont hold any grudges or am anxious about my future. I will be fine because like all other humans, we are all capable of amazing things.
This game of adultness, it really does change who you are for the rest of your life, some take on the role later and some sooner, but 27 is still not too late. People raise successful families and have successfull jobs/relationships and lifestyles well beyond 30.
If you do not hold any qualifications, its really a good way to meet people that have like minded interests. One major mistake i made was do something that i loved without really looking at the people who are the professionals, none of which i would even 'belong' to or be friends with naturally. Take a good look at the peopole you will potentially work with. In this life time, its never the job that will make you happy, its the environment. (when people actually think about it) You can always learn and always educate yourself, but you cant always change yourself to suit other personality types, that boat sails as your experiences and influences change.
It seems to really end up a big balance game, need to give attention to all aspects of your life, not just one.
On July 21 2012 18:04 Roe wrote: I feel the same. I looked at my colleagues throughout school and felt like everything was fake and cheap. Every time I participated in one of their manufactured and completely expected jokes I couldn't help but shudder. It's probably just me though, because I was so neurotic even when I found someone I liked I would ruin it and self destruct. I just couldn't play their games, I wanted to be real. We could be friends! But then again you probably won't like me since no one likes me. What age are you anyway? Perhaps there's still time for you to bounce back. Just remember there's no safety net to pull you out of your own life.
I don't know. It's not just about friends, it's about expectations. It's hard to manage them.
I'm 27. Is there time? Of course there is plenty of time. Is there will, opportunity? Hopefully, but that's more questionable.
Im 24 and came out of university and a 6 year relationship. It's just a period in your life when people grow up into adults and start taking responsibility for their future. I'm very much alone right now, my friends have jobs and my fiance cheated on me to leave with another person while i was graduating. But i dont hold any grudges or am anxious about my future. I will be fine because like all other humans, we are all capable of amazing things.
This game of adultness, it really does change who you are for the rest of your life, some take on the role later and some sooner, but 27 is still not too late. People raise successful families and have successfull jobs/relationships and lifestyles well beyond 30.
If you do not hold any qualifications, its really a good way to meet people that have like minded interests. One major mistake i made was do something that i loved without really looking at the people who are the professionals, none of which i would even 'belong' to or be friends with naturally. Take a good look at the peopole you will potentially work with. In this life time, its never the job that will make you happy, its the environment. (when people actually think about it) You can always learn and always educate yourself, but you cant always change yourself to suit other personality types, that boat sails as your experiences and influences change.
It seems to really end up a big balance game, need to give attention to all aspects of your life, not just one.
There is alot of wisdom in this post. Thank you. I just need to find some professionals. Shit.
How can you write so pretty words and have such a god awful taste in music? =)
I liked your style of writing. While not being in your shoes I can use your words and relate to myself.
Life is all about what you make it. Its seems you want to continue to be a "child" but at the same time feel pressured by society to act adult? It's your life... act childish. Just last night I was walking around a park with a friend and we ended up in the playground on the slide... because we wanted to.
Instead of shunning the loneliness, embrace it. I love being alone doing fuck all. Or connect with people while being alone, the internet is amazing in that way.
A good friend of mine changed his career path at the age of 30. He is just now finished and "settled" in his adult life. So 27 is nothing. It's just about figuring out a way that include your childish personality. Work in a daycare facility and just play with kids all day? I don't know you but I could live with a job like that...
Did you listen to it? Actively? Do it, Close your eyes and listen to it. Do you hear the melody progress? It is gorgeous. The beat becomes subconscious, the melody becomes the forefront. Then the beat comes back and becomes transcendent. Listen to the whole damn thing.
Problem about being a 'child' is it gets out of fashion, sadly. But I've always thought about being a teacher! I think that might be my calling.
Life is extremely boring and dull if it's going nowhere like you're finding out now. Some people are forced to change, some want to change, but most probably do it to make their lives better or achieve some goal or dream. I know a lot of people who get out of the "make art, play games, be happy" bubble to take on stressful and mentally/physically challenging tasks because it gives them purpose and a sense they deserve to exist. Some do it because they believe they have the potential to do something better or greater. It's how the world keeps on going and better (generally).
Also, I didn't like the writing, maybe others do, but if you're trying to communicate to others and know their attention span is short like it is in the Internet, better to get to the point and argue well, but not with some artistic/poetic style. This whole pattern of <Insert Question Here> followed by <Oh wait it's not actually a real question but a rhetorical one so let me just give you another rhetorical question or answer> is extremely annoying and wasting time.
Then again, the last 8 years of my life, education, and career has focused intently on "get to the point leave the artistic BS out".
But his writing is not about gettting to a point. It's about letting out feelings and let people feel what he feel. For that you don't need to be precise and get to the point. (excuse me i I answer for you trias, but thats how I read it anyway)
I listenend to most of the song and I still think its bad =)
Thats more me =)
Kids are amazing. They are almost always happy. They don't hold grudges (for long), They take things for granted. They see most things with innocent eyes without thinking about the bad experiences in the past. Problem with teaching (I've sorta tried. Was a substitute for a year) is that you have to break this bubble of amazingness and force adulthood upon them. Which suck. For them and for you. I realized teaching wasn't for me, but working daycare, kindergarden or some after school hangout place were you basicly just have to make sure no one gets hurt is more me. No bubbles bursted or innocent eyes ruined. (That's not what I'm doing profesionally... But I will if my current career fails... probably =))
To be honest, you sound like a really self-centred narcissistic douchebag with a serious superiority complex. You met every word that wasn't 100% in line with what you want to hear with bile and anger; I can't help but think that's what is at the heart of your issues. You're never going to 'fix' anything or make things better if you believe you are smarter than everyone else and everything you do is perfect.
On July 21 2012 21:04 Salazarz wrote: To be honest, you sound like a really self-centred narcissistic douchebag with a serious superiority complex. You met every word that wasn't 100% in line with what you want to hear with bile and anger; I can't help but think that's what is at the heart of your issues. You're never going to 'fix' anything or make things better if you believe you are smarter than everyone else and everything you do is perfect.
Salazarz did put it a bit bluntly and wasn't very nice, but consider what he's saying.
Best of luck in what you do and where you go from here on out. I personally know many people--and know of even more--who seemed to find their stride quite late, but they ended up really picking up the pace and found a good environment and their place in the world.
On July 21 2012 21:22 dongfeng wrote: The feeling of superiority is what enabled him to travel his own child path withoutvconforming to the norms of society
On July 21 2012 21:04 Salazarz wrote: To be honest, you sound like a really self-centred narcissistic douchebag with a serious superiority complex. You met every word that wasn't 100% in line with what you want to hear with bile and anger; I can't help but think that's what is at the heart of your issues. You're never going to 'fix' anything or make things better if you believe you are smarter than everyone else and everything you do is perfect.
I come to this post sober and I think, oh God, what have I done? Then re-read the thread. I don't get it. There's no hate or bile. There is literally and exactly one post which I disagreed with in this thread (well, until this one), and I did so in a civil manner. I don't get it, but I apoligize if zalz or you thinks I responded with hate and bile, because it wasn't my intent.
Believe me, I don't think everything I do is perfect. Smarter than everyone else, maybe most people, but that's irrelevant and worthless.
On July 21 2012 21:04 Salazarz wrote: To be honest, you sound like a really self-centred narcissistic douchebag with a serious superiority complex. You met every word that wasn't 100% in line with what you want to hear with bile and anger; I can't help but think that's what is at the heart of your issues. You're never going to 'fix' anything or make things better if you believe you are smarter than everyone else and everything you do is perfect.
Salazarz did put it a bit bluntly and wasn't very nice, but consider what he's saying.
Best of luck in what you do and where you go from here on out. I personally know many people--and know of even more--who seemed to find their stride quite late, but they ended up really picking up the pace and found a good environment and their place in the world.
I'm really sorry again if people thought I responded with anger or self-righteousness. I apologize, and it wasn't my intent.
I am certainly self-centered, I admit that. I don't think I'm a douchebag or have a serious superiority complex, nor do I think such psychoanalsyis could be made on a few drunk blog posts.
Thanks, I hope I can find my stride as you put it.
On July 21 2012 20:56 Dirkzor wrote: But his writing is not about gettting to a point. It's about letting out feelings and let people feel what he feel. For that you don't need to be precise and get to the point. (excuse me i I answer for you trias, but thats how I read it anyway)
Kids are amazing. They are almost always happy. They don't hold grudges (for long), They take things for granted. They see most things with innocent eyes without thinking about the bad experiences in the past. Problem with teaching (I've sorta tried. Was a substitute for a year) is that you have to break this bubble of amazingness and force adulthood upon them. Which suck. For them and for you. I realized teaching wasn't for me, but working daycare, kindergarden or some after school hangout place were you basicly just have to make sure no one gets hurt is more me. No bubbles bursted or innocent eyes ruined. (That's not what I'm doing profesionally... But I will if my current career fails... probably =))
Thanks, I agree with you on writing. I have a degree in philosophy, and if there's one thing you learn there, it's how to write clearly and logically. But writing clearly can't express everything. It just can't.
I have this problem when I'm drinking that I think everyone will like the music I like. Sorry.
Working with kids kind of sounds amazing. I think it would would feel...good. Fulfilling? I'm not sure if I will become a teacher, maybe, but I think I'd like a few kids of my own someday.
On July 21 2012 20:43 BirdKiller wrote: Life is extremely boring and dull if it's going nowhere like you're finding out now. Some people are forced to change, some want to change, but most probably do it to make their lives better or achieve some goal or dream. I know a lot of people who get out of the "make art, play games, be happy" bubble to take on stressful and mentally/physically challenging tasks because it gives them purpose and a sense they deserve to exist. Some do it because they believe they have the potential to do something better or greater. It's how the world keeps on going and better (generally).
I'm attempting to go down this path right now. Failing, sadly. I still play too many games. I drink too much. I try to avoid reality too much. It's impossible to be successful when you faze in and out of the real world. If I focused on my studies I could do well, get straight A's, get connections, get my life on track. That was the goal, after all. The problem is in execution. I'm scared. I may need to do something drastic to change things. Move back with parents, get rid of computer? It implies a long commute to school but it may be worth it because what I'm doing right now isn't working.
Also, I didn't like the writing, maybe others do, but if you're trying to communicate to others and know their attention span is short like it is in the Internet, better to get to the point and argue well, but not with some artistic/poetic style. This whole pattern of <Insert Question Here> followed by <Oh wait it's not actually a real question but a rhetorical one so let me just give you another rhetorical question or answer> is extremely annoying and wasting time.
Then again, the last 8 years of my life, education, and career has focused intently on "get to the point leave the artistic BS out".
I understand this from the context of problem solving and getting to root issues. But for some people that artistic BS is life. My sister would kill herself if you took away the 'annoying' artistic BS. And she almost has, because people have tried.
I feel like we're in a similar boat. right now im in pharmacy school 3rd year out of 6. I'm not exactly sure i wanna fill prescriptions for the rest of my life. However, i'm only 21 and just like you i have no girlfriend dont think i ever did lol. I have like 2-3 good friends i can really rely on, and a pretty unsupportive parents for whatever i want to do, however they support what THEY want me to do.
The difference between you and me is that I stopped playing games because my computer can not run sc2 in quality therefore i cannot participate in the competitive nature that i always wanted. Back when BW was around, i considered myself pretty good but i traded my social life for that game.
Now in college it's not much different except i am now training for an Ironman which is a 2.4mile swim, 112mile bike, and 26.2mile run all in the same day without break under 17 hours. I don't like drinking and i dont go out that much, i train up to 25 or so hours a week. In my time i'm not training i cook and try to learn playing the guitar i have no musical talents lol. and because of these i no longer feel "lonely" , I think picking a hobby that you love doing to distract yourself is one of the most important things. Set a goal, do whatever you can to accomplish it.
EPT
