K, so i've been reading every girl blog around, i actually like to read this little pieces of fellow TLers lifes. Now time has come for me to write my own girl blog. In my case there's no real problem, i'll explain next.
SETTING A friend pretty much arranged a date for me, 4 days from now. There's a party i'm invited, a girl is invited, and we are supposed to get introduced to each other.
MY PROBLEM I dont know what the fu** to do. I'm feeling a little ansious, maybe afraid, nervious, not bad but noticeable.
I guess im a regular guy, like 1.85m, workout sometimes (basket, jogging, rock climbing) and i guess with some little preparation i can look decent ( :S), still not overly confident.
Never been a *player*, i have a couple girl stories, a long relationship (bout 4 years), but actually no real *game*.
In uni i'm ussually around girls, i *guess* i dont look completely uncomfortable around girls .
Bottom line, i think i lack confidence. That's why im doing this even if it goes out terrible, i mean i have to start somewhere.
INTO THE QUESTION/ADVICE So im asking for a *plan*, a *build*, some guidelines, i know i'll have to adapt. I ussually do well in situations with some pressure (presentations, job interviews, when i used to play basket games OT was always fine for me, etc) and people has told me i always look confident (even if i dont feel like it).
My friends says i should a) introduce my self, b) have little chats (bounce, not be around her all the time), c) invite her to go buying something, talk, and finally, d) invite her for something in a few days.
Im asking for your advices in terms of this guidelines
In every GB i've read bottomline is always confidence. Like now, i know i have actually nothing to lose, but still feel anxiety. I guess at least in the beginning i'll have to fake confidence, and come with something prepared, dont know.
imo you should just treat it as meeting anyone else... just be yourself and act normally and in a nice and friendly manner. i don't understand why you should be wanting to ask this girl out when you haven't even met her
So im asking for a *plan*, a *build*, some guidelines, i know i'll have to adapt.
Here's your plan:
THERE IS NO PLAN
Plans are for people with goals and "accomplishments", you are meeting a person. It's an introduction, if you're thinking in terms following a rigid recipe (even with adaptation to the scenario), you're going to fail, you're going to be aiming too hard and you're going to give into your nervousness.
The idea of just talking is exactly that: talking. The result is whatever you feel towards the person, is she attractive. Is there something about her that interests you? Would you like to know more and just move from there. Anything else and you're just setting yourself up to be somewhere you might not necessarily be and then you'll end up comparing and that'll affect your confidence.
Don't let the idea that because your friends are setting you up to be introduced to her means 1. you must hit it off, 2. you must immediately introduce yourself. When you're ready and if she entices you, go ahead and approach her.
You're not looking to score a job and I assume you're not looking for sex. If you're looking to getting to know her more, show that by asking interesting questions and then when you hit a mutual interest or occupation, suggest you should do it sometime together.
That's really it. Wear comfortable clothes and just talk casually. Don't let these stupid social stigmatized rules dictate your behavior. There are no rules because there are no sets or types of people and even if there were, they work differently depending on the person they're interacting with, etc. In the end, if you need a confidence boost: you are at a party, get a drink.
Just do your best to relax. Meeting someone isn't a big deal. Talk to her a little, decide if it's anything you are interested in, if so ask her if she's available on X day (whatever you are free from work ect), for coffee/something small. If she says no, ask if you can call her sometime instead, if she says no, move on and have fun. if she says yes and you get her number/a date, thank her, and go spend time with friends.
Don't think you have an obligation to spend time with her or to ask her out. only do that if you actually feel like it.
it's simple, and really just talking to someone coherently like they are a human being and not a potential mate is more than enough to get even the shyest guys comfortable. and making the first move screams confidence. But again if you don't want it, move on. no big deal no one is going to get hurt.
You mentioned rock climbing as something you do - that's already a good date idea. For a date, choose something that you're proficient at - you can "show her the ropes".
On July 09 2012 14:25 Azzur wrote: You mentioned rock climbing as something you do - that's already a good date idea. For a date, choose something that you're proficient at - you can "show her the ropes".
Ugh i hate dates that involve strenuous exercise or that's distracting. I usually just do something simple, coffee, dinner/lunch, a walk somewhere pleasant. The whole point of a date is to get to know one another, not show off how proficient you are at something. That's needy. Don't try to impress her, just be normal and talk like a normal person. If she rejects you so what? Nothing was probably ever going to happen whether you were trying to impress her or not.
As for your situation, personally i'd just talk normally, ask some questions and get to know her a bit. Throw a few compliments/teases. Ask her out for a 1 on 1 at another time. Party 'dates' are atrocious.
If you are not a confident person, don't do planning for this kind of thing. Thinking about it in that detail will just cause anxiety (cause you can think of all the ways it won't go according to plan), which will make you less confident and make you come across worse. So the most productive preparation you can do is just try to remove expectations and judgement from it. The extent of your thinking about it should be "I'm probably going to meet up with this girl and it might turn out to be cool; we might really like each other, really click. And we might not and that's OK." And just do whatever dress or grooming etc. that makes you honestly feel the most confident and comfortable with yourself.
Then just try to be in the moment and take your cues from that, what feels right and what doesn't, without judging (don't let thoughts of "this isn't going well" or "this is going well, what now?" stick in your head at all, if they pop up, observe them for a second and just refocus on your surroundings or what she looks like or what she's saying or anything that's not in your head). If you practice not judging things (I mean I notice I judge so many things, like if I say something, I'm immediately thinking, "was that a good thing to say? or a bad one?" Don't do that, it's so anti-productive), it takes a lot of pressure off, cause even if nothing works out, you can get used to not judging yourself harshly and just saying, "hey, we didn't turn out to be a great fit, that's OK and it's for the best to move on to whatever's next." And it gets you more confident in the long run when you don't really internalize any negative consequences for one didn't quite click introduction.
Which is better an approach machine who tries to chat up chicks but is a retard and blows all his chances.
Or a nervous guy who has the balls to approach any girl and take her all the way.
ITS NORMAL TO BE NERVOUS. WE ARE HARD WIRED TO BE NERVOUS (well most of us anyway)
The best thing to do is to not wait. Don't give your body a chance to make you nervous, as soon as you see her walk straight up to her, smile and say hey!!!
Hope these helped.
Oh and if you want to continue seeing her, ask for her number right at the end, not at the beginning. And be nonchalant about it. And be like, hey maybe we can go for coffee or something sometime. But like don't organise a date, wait a couple of days and text or call be like "hey <name> im in X area wanna go grab a coffee?", be casual about it if she says no just be like "oh that's too bad, I was really looking forward to seeing you, maybe ill organise something tomorrow and you can hang out with my friends", even if you think she's rejecting it the worse thing you can do is be sour about it.
On July 09 2012 14:25 Azzur wrote: You mentioned rock climbing as something you do - that's already a good date idea. For a date, choose something that you're proficient at - you can "show her the ropes".
Ugh i hate dates that involve strenuous exercise or that's distracting. I usually just do something simple, coffee, dinner/lunch, a walk somewhere pleasant. The whole point of a date is to get to know one another, not show off how proficient you are at something. That's needy. Don't try to impress her, just be normal and talk like a normal person. If she rejects you so what? Nothing was probably ever going to happen whether you were trying to impress her or not.
As for your situation, personally i'd just talk normally, ask some questions and get to know her a bit. Throw a few compliments/teases. Ask her out for a 1 on 1 at another time. Party 'dates' are atrocious.
Depends. If you know her just a little and know you can talk without actually have any outside influence then a dinner is great. But if you don't know her that well or know that she is shy a date where you actually do something might be better. Gives you something to do and talk about which leads to more conversation. But I agree that you shouldn't be showing of you skills in an area - but it doesn't have to be showing of teaching someone else to rock climb.
To OP: Torte already pointed this out quite well. Be yourself and see what happens. You don't have to like this girl at all. You either find out she is great and want to know her better or you realize she is not your type. When you know which you know what "plan" to follow. All the advice you got are actually garbage. It might be the best advice in the universe but it can be way of. Depends on how you 2 hit it of. If you talk great together and you are both having fun and laughing why do you need to "bounce"? Why not just enjoy her company if she enjoy yours?
Have fun. Remember that being physical is one of the main basics for sexual attraction (don't she away from touching her).
Uberfast-tl;dr: Treat her like a male buddy that you're having fun with (this involves calling her out and busting her balls when it's appropriate. She's not some goddess just because she's female) and add some things that your wiener will tell you in time.
On July 09 2012 15:49 sluggaslamoo wrote: Oh and if you want to continue seeing her, ask for her number right at the end, not at the beginning. And be nonchalant about it. And be like, hey maybe we can go for coffee or something sometime. But like don't organise a date, wait a couple of days and text or call be like "hey <name> im in X area wanna go grab a coffee?", be casual about it if she says no just be like "oh that's too bad, I was really looking forward to seeing you, maybe ill organise something tomorrow and you can hang out with my friends", even if you think she's rejecting it the worse thing you can do is be sour about it.
lolol when i get a number i just text the same day/next day to try and set up a date. Works most of the time. Oh and why would you ever want her to hang out with your friends when both of you aren't serious?
Also the first video i stopped watching the moment he said 'to avoid rejection'. If anything you WANT rejection, so that you don't have to waste any more time on her. Sure it sucks but find another girl who is deserving of your time and attention. Second video was fine though, good message.
On July 09 2012 14:25 Azzur wrote: You mentioned rock climbing as something you do - that's already a good date idea. For a date, choose something that you're proficient at - you can "show her the ropes".
Ugh i hate dates that involve strenuous exercise or that's distracting. I usually just do something simple, coffee, dinner/lunch, a walk somewhere pleasant. The whole point of a date is to get to know one another, not show off how proficient you are at something. That's needy. Don't try to impress her, just be normal and talk like a normal person. If she rejects you so what? Nothing was probably ever going to happen whether you were trying to impress her or not.
As for your situation, personally i'd just talk normally, ask some questions and get to know her a bit. Throw a few compliments/teases. Ask her out for a 1 on 1 at another time. Party 'dates' are atrocious.
Depends. If you know her just a little and know you can talk without actually have any outside influence then a dinner is great. But if you don't know her that well or know that she is shy a date where you actually do something might be better. Gives you something to do and talk about which leads to more conversation. But I agree that you shouldn't be showing of you skills in an area - but it doesn't have to be showing of teaching someone else to rock climb.
My gripe is that dating is about getting to know one another and whether both of you fit into each other's lives. Something like rock climbing, go karting, or movies are fun but assessing relationship potential isn't really there (versus a casual meet up). Fun can always come later after the date =P
"Assessing relationship potential"? Do you plan on asking girls what job they have, how many guys they had sex with and if they plan to have kids within the next 3 years or not? =P
What you're talking about is basic screening. That can be done in any environment since it basically involves finding out how good you two "click" or not. Personally I'm no big fan of those "activity dates" either since I'm just too lazy to go through all the trouble for a single girl but they definitly have their place and benefits.
"I'm going rock climbing tomorrow, wanna come? I'll show you the... ropes." is baller as hell for sure. It also involves lots of physical interaction by it's very nature, being able to teach her stuff is also sexy. Afterwards you're definitly both relaxed and can go for a drink to cool down.
I think those types of dates are incredibly good if you don't want to make dating your hobby since so much of it comes natural without having to think about "Um.. um... what should I say/do next?"
Editeditedit: If you run into "HEY BRO THIS IS XY I TOLD YOU ABOUT HER NOW GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER" and then *AWKWARD SILENCE* - speak it out. Telling her if something feels awkward / that you're kind of nervous etc. usually means big bonus points. She will notice it anyway.
"This is kind of awkward." - "Yeah" - "Damn, you have the same shitty friends as I do I guess." =P
I guess im a regular guy, like 1.85m, workout sometimes (basket, jogging, rock climbing) and i guess with some little preparation i can look decent ( :S), still not overly confident.
Is the average man size in Chile 1.85m ? Very impressive.
I guess im a regular guy, like 1.85m, workout sometimes (basket, jogging, rock climbing) and i guess with some little preparation i can look decent ( :S), still not overly confident.
Is the average man size in Chile 1.85m ? Very impressive.
not really, he is taller than most people in Chile, i'd say the average size here is about 1.75m...
@Topic, dude just say: "hola, ¿cómo estai?... que estudias/haces? ... and go from there... other than that just have fun and act a little cocky.
1rax CC dude; Get there, get a drink in your hand and let it flow........You seem to be making yoruself nervous which is bad! Just get a drink, calm your nerves and you'll be alright!
it's all about creating a fun vibe, you kind of have to convince her that you are a fun person who she is lucky to be around. Some things I'd do/ wouldn't do :p :
- Don't have "little chats". If you are creating the vibe and then bounce, you have to start over when you talk to her again.
- In the first 15-30 mins you will probably have to do most of the talking. Silence for more than 10 seconds is bad, it's better to bring up something that might seem random than to have an awkward silence.
- Use routines (you don't seem to do this very often so I guess you don't have any routines yet :p). A routine is basically something fun that you can use every time you talk to a girl for the first time. There's probably a story you have told quite some times, that's also a routine. Use them now
- Use conversation threads. Travel is always a great topic. Just start by saying "Hey, X amount of time ago I was in place Y" then tell a cool/fun/interesting anecdote.
People are also always a great topic because girls love gossip. Doesn't have to be true, doesn't even have to be someone you know. All situational things are good. Also pick up on things she says and listen to her.
Future theme is also pretty good because it shows you have ambition, basically talk about what you would like to accomplish in life and then ask her about her goals.
Don't try to impress her with material things. Money, cool car, fancy bussiness card, ... doesn't work at all.
-Casually touch her, if you don't touch her all night you're gonna send mixed signals which is bad.
- Don't just go for a possible hang out in a couple of days. The farther you get on the first approach the easier things will be later on, goal should be at least getting her number and a kiss would be good. Don't ask for the number, just say 'Hey, we should go do something sometime" then give her your phone and say 'why don't you add your number". Asking is never good, always make it a natural flow of things.
- I never give girls basic info like name, job, age, ... until she asks about it. This is because if she starts asking these things, you know she's interested and you get the green light to escalate a little. Simple trick, but very handy because it can be hard to know whether she likes you or not. These questions are very predictable so you can practice your responses.
- Don't buy her drinks, a million guys before you have already tried to buy her attention with drinks. Rather offer to share your drink with one straw because "You don't want to get too drunk". Also don't hold her drink when she goes to the bathroom, you will stand there like an idiot for 5 minutes.
- Give her a compliment, but it shouldn't be a 100% compliment. Go like "At first I wasn't sure about you, but now I think you're a really fun person!". See what I did there? Don't give ehr the impression that you're like "OMG, LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT HAVE MY BABIES". Never give 100% compliments, but also never ever do anything that insults her. It's ok to tease her, it's even necessary, but it always has to be light. No insulting ever even if it's said jokingly.
- Don't smile/laugh too much, don't lean in too often and don't give her way too much attention like some guys do. This all seems needy and desperate.
- Get a wingman! It's a lot more fun with a wingman and if you screw up or something unexpected happens he can help you out.
Trying to get a build order for love is like making one for an FFA game for an RTS that in beta you've seen videoes of. Your better off just getting pro mechanics and not giving a fuck.
On July 09 2012 15:49 sluggaslamoo wrote: Oh and if you want to continue seeing her, ask for her number right at the end, not at the beginning. And be nonchalant about it. And be like, hey maybe we can go for coffee or something sometime. But like don't organise a date, wait a couple of days and text or call be like "hey <name> im in X area wanna go grab a coffee?", be casual about it if she says no just be like "oh that's too bad, I was really looking forward to seeing you, maybe ill organise something tomorrow and you can hang out with my friends", even if you think she's rejecting it the worse thing you can do is be sour about it.
lolol when i get a number i just text the same day/next day to try and set up a date. Works most of the time. Oh and why would you ever want her to hang out with your friends when both of you aren't serious?
Also the first video i stopped watching the moment he said 'to avoid rejection'. If anything you WANT rejection, so that you don't have to waste any more time on her. Sure it sucks but find another girl who is deserving of your time and attention. Second video was fine though, good message.
On July 09 2012 14:25 Azzur wrote: You mentioned rock climbing as something you do - that's already a good date idea. For a date, choose something that you're proficient at - you can "show her the ropes".
Ugh i hate dates that involve strenuous exercise or that's distracting. I usually just do something simple, coffee, dinner/lunch, a walk somewhere pleasant. The whole point of a date is to get to know one another, not show off how proficient you are at something. That's needy. Don't try to impress her, just be normal and talk like a normal person. If she rejects you so what? Nothing was probably ever going to happen whether you were trying to impress her or not.
As for your situation, personally i'd just talk normally, ask some questions and get to know her a bit. Throw a few compliments/teases. Ask her out for a 1 on 1 at another time. Party 'dates' are atrocious.
Depends. If you know her just a little and know you can talk without actually have any outside influence then a dinner is great. But if you don't know her that well or know that she is shy a date where you actually do something might be better. Gives you something to do and talk about which leads to more conversation. But I agree that you shouldn't be showing of you skills in an area - but it doesn't have to be showing of teaching someone else to rock climb.
My gripe is that dating is about getting to know one another and whether both of you fit into each other's lives. Something like rock climbing, go karting, or movies are fun but assessing relationship potential isn't really there (versus a casual meet up). Fun can always come later after the date =P
Because his friends are helping them hookup in the first place right? Makes sense to me in this situation.
Some people are the kind that are willing to get past rejection to get the girl they want. There have been a couple of times where I've been "rejected" and ended off having a better relationship than girls that have asked me out. I don't really believe in that sort of screening. The other thing is nobody wants to put themselves in a situation that will increase your chances of being rejected, when if you had been a little smarter about it, you might have ended up having a good relationship.
I usually give it a day or two just to not sound needy, but you can also text on the night if you want to, depends what sort of vibe she gives you I guess. Some people think the wait is stupid and you should text her right away, I dunno, I kind of want to avoid the "oh god this guy is gonna be really clingy" or "this guy is going too fast" judgement. What happens if she doesn't respond? Organising a date afterward is gonna be really awkward. The difference is between organising a date, and having a date kind of set up for you already taking a lot of the pressure off, and showing the girl that it isn't a big deal.
I mean think about it this way, when you ask your friends out, do you organise a trip to the cafe like its this big thing that you need to mark on your calendar, or are you like "hey I'm going to the cafe today wanna come?". Do you text friends straight away, or do you text them when something comes up?
You are asking the wrong community brother haha. If you lack the confidence now there is nothing anyone could say here that will boost that up. It will not go as "PLANNED". You are going to hype this up way too much and probably pee your pants. The best advice is that you try to forget about it and just go with the moment. It may sound cliche but over thinking it is not at all what you should be doing. Girls are not gods it really is not hard to talk to one. Don't try to be someone you aren't either...actually I'll just stop here.
On July 09 2012 15:49 sluggaslamoo wrote: Oh and if you want to continue seeing her, ask for her number right at the end, not at the beginning. And be nonchalant about it. And be like, hey maybe we can go for coffee or something sometime. But like don't organise a date, wait a couple of days and text or call be like "hey <name> im in X area wanna go grab a coffee?", be casual about it if she says no just be like "oh that's too bad, I was really looking forward to seeing you, maybe ill organise something tomorrow and you can hang out with my friends", even if you think she's rejecting it the worse thing you can do is be sour about it.
lolol when i get a number i just text the same day/next day to try and set up a date. Works most of the time. Oh and why would you ever want her to hang out with your friends when both of you aren't serious?
Also the first video i stopped watching the moment he said 'to avoid rejection'. If anything you WANT rejection, so that you don't have to waste any more time on her. Sure it sucks but find another girl who is deserving of your time and attention. Second video was fine though, good message.
On July 09 2012 16:33 Dirkzor wrote:
On July 09 2012 14:39 FractalsOnFire wrote:
On July 09 2012 14:25 Azzur wrote: You mentioned rock climbing as something you do - that's already a good date idea. For a date, choose something that you're proficient at - you can "show her the ropes".
Ugh i hate dates that involve strenuous exercise or that's distracting. I usually just do something simple, coffee, dinner/lunch, a walk somewhere pleasant. The whole point of a date is to get to know one another, not show off how proficient you are at something. That's needy. Don't try to impress her, just be normal and talk like a normal person. If she rejects you so what? Nothing was probably ever going to happen whether you were trying to impress her or not.
As for your situation, personally i'd just talk normally, ask some questions and get to know her a bit. Throw a few compliments/teases. Ask her out for a 1 on 1 at another time. Party 'dates' are atrocious.
Depends. If you know her just a little and know you can talk without actually have any outside influence then a dinner is great. But if you don't know her that well or know that she is shy a date where you actually do something might be better. Gives you something to do and talk about which leads to more conversation. But I agree that you shouldn't be showing of you skills in an area - but it doesn't have to be showing of teaching someone else to rock climb.
My gripe is that dating is about getting to know one another and whether both of you fit into each other's lives. Something like rock climbing, go karting, or movies are fun but assessing relationship potential isn't really there (versus a casual meet up). Fun can always come later after the date =P
Because his friends are helping them hookup in the first place right? Makes sense to me in this situation.
Some people are the kind that are willing to get past rejection to get the girl they want. There have been a couple of times where I've been "rejected" and ended off having a better relationship than girls that have asked me out. I don't really believe in that sort of screening. The other thing is nobody wants to put themselves in a situation that will increase your chances of being rejected, when if you had been a little smarter about it, you might have ended up having a good relationship.
I usually give it a day or two just to not sound needy, but you can also text on the night if you want to, depends what sort of vibe she gives you I guess. Some people think the wait is stupid and you should text her right away, I dunno, I kind of want to avoid the "oh god this guy is gonna be really clingy" or "this guy is going too fast" judgement. What happens if she doesn't respond? Organising a date afterward is gonna be really awkward. The difference is between organising a date, and having a date kind of set up for you already taking a lot of the pressure off, and showing the girl that it isn't a big deal.
I mean think about it this way, when you ask your friends out, do you organise a trip to the cafe like its this big thing that you need to mark on your calendar, or are you like "hey I'm going to the cafe today wanna come?". Do you text friends straight away, or do you text them when something comes up?
(I should clarify that i use needy in an insecure sense, since that's why people are needy. I think the general definition is a person who constantly pesters you and texting on the same day is definitely not needy.)
I guess? For me even if my friends were trying to set me up, i would still prefer 1 on 1 any day of the week.
What do you mean by "rejected". Is that the direct 'i'm not interested in you' or ignoring your messages? I guess if its a social circle situation, then its definitely different. I suppose i'm thinking from a cold approach mentality.
The fact that you're worried about appearing needy, is needy in itself. Being worried about her judgement about you, is needy. If she doesn't respond, that doesn't mean she rejected you or she hates your guts or thinks you're needy. Clear it up, send her a little reminder message a day or two later, then if she still doesn't respond force the issue. What i do is "Hey X i'd really like to meet up but if you don't want to that's fine. Just appreciate the courtesy of a reply to tie up loose ends". Something along those lines. If i still don't get a reply, i just forget about it. The fact of the matter is, you don't know why she didn't reply. She could be sick, she could've turned off her phone or something. Don't jump to conclusions and automatically assume the worst in her or you.
No i don't make it a big deal with friends but i definitely ask things like 'when are you free?' or if i already know i just say 'hey lets meet up at xxx, what time is good for you?'. I don't know what you mean by straight away? If i feel like doing something i ask 'hey lets do xxxx'. I like and even enjoy planning social meetings with friends.
You seem to be so concerned with what other people think of you, frankly i don't care if people think i'm needy just because i text the same day or i like to plan social gatherings. That's how i am, they can take it or leave it.
So im asking for a *plan*, a *build*, some guidelines, i know i'll have to adapt.
Here's your plan:
THERE IS NO PLAN
Plans are for people with goals and "accomplishments", you are meeting a person. It's an introduction, if you're thinking in terms following a rigid recipe (even with adaptation to the scenario), you're going to fail, you're going to be aiming too hard and you're going to give into your nervousness.
The idea of just talking is exactly that: talking. The result is whatever you feel towards the person, is she attractive. Is there something about her that interests you? Would you like to know more and just move from there. Anything else and you're just setting yourself up to be somewhere you might not necessarily be and then you'll end up comparing and that'll affect your confidence.
Don't let the idea that because your friends are setting you up to be introduced to her means 1. you must hit it off, 2. you must immediately introduce yourself. When you're ready and if she entices you, go ahead and approach her.
You're not looking to score a job and I assume you're not looking for sex. If you're looking to getting to know her more, show that by asking interesting questions and then when you hit a mutual interest or occupation, suggest you should do it sometime together.
That's really it. Wear comfortable clothes and just talk casually. Don't let these stupid social stigmatized rules dictate your behavior. There are no rules because there are no sets or types of people and even if there were, they work differently depending on the person they're interacting with, etc. In the end, if you need a confidence boost: you are at a party, get a drink.
While I agree with pretty much everything here, I'm not sure I agree with the whole "there is no plan" statement. Granted, it's stupid to walk into a social situation with the equivalent of a computer program dictating where the conversation goes of "If...then" prompts, but knowing how to break the ice and getting the first conversation going can take a lot of pressure off the social situation.
When I worked in Residence Life and other University clubs they gave us this short list: *Where are you from? *What are your hobbies? (or, What do you do for fun?) *What are you studying/where do you work?
This is usually enough to fill in a 5-10 minute introduction if both parties are talking.The rest is just finding commonalities, going on tangents, and overall, just being yourself.
If you were to meet up with another guy, would you plan for that shit? Would you be all scared to shit? Treat it like you are just meeting up with another dude. Granted, your friends arent helping by arranging you two together (this shit happens?), but try to ignore that fact, and think that you are going to a party and meeting some people.
I don't mean this as an insult or anything but while this community has some very intelligent and talented individuals, when it comes to women, 90% of you are so clueless
Women like MEN......MEN. Its as simple as that. There is no need for all this scientific evaluations when it comes to handling women. Just be a man.....Real men are cocky bunch, unafraid of what the world thinks of them and a man who's very body language can show this quality is a true pussy magnet. This is a fact. Real men are dominating....no I don't mean to go order the poor girl about but just be you know.....in control, sturdy. Let your body language exude some kind of calm. Don't be doing no beta bullshit like fidgetting or nervously looking about the room while avoiding eye contact especially when conversing. Your conversations itself should avoid beta boy trashy mannerisms like seeking approval...."Can I call you tomorrow ?"......NO!!!!....TELL...DONT'ASK......"Look, I'm calling you tommorow, it's a little hard without your number though", and slide her your phone and do it like its done....dont do it like you're asking or pleading or hoping or any of that......I guarantee, if you worked your date well, she'll get a little flustered(thats a good thing...only men can do that) and she'll hand those digits over in a snap.
This shit is soooo easy...nothing to get nervous about.
The fact is if you've already had the date organised for you - the girl is expecting you to lead. Don't be afraid to grope her 'inappropriately'. She wants you to take her to bed, otherwise she wouldn't have agreed to the hook up in the first place. A lot of guys make the mistake in putting a girl on a pedastal and always trying to make sure that she's feeling happy and comfortable, but that's not what they want (in fact, they fucking hate it when a guy tries too hard to please them) - a girl is at her happiest when you are happy. The only thing that will prevent you from getting laid with her is your own belief that she might not want it. Don't think like that, always remember: "Put your dick first."
On July 10 2012 11:40 Santa Cruz wrote: The fact is if you've already had the date organised for you - the girl is expecting you to lead. Don't be afraid to grope her 'inappropriately'. She wants you to take her to bed, otherwise she wouldn't have agreed to the hook up in the first place. A lot of guys make the mistake in putting a girl on a pedastal and always trying to make sure that she's feeling happy and comfortable, but that's not what they want (in fact, they fucking hate it when a guy tries too hard to please them) - a girl is at her happiest when you are happy. The only thing that will prevent you from getting laid with her is your own belief that she might not want it. Don't think like that, always remember: "Put your dick first."
This man knows whats up....listen to him...especially what I bolded.
......besides the fact that his view of her intentions is very screwed. This is pretty much a "friends make a dumb introduction" not "horny girl wants to get hooked up".
On July 10 2012 11:58 r.Evo wrote: ......besides the fact that his view of her intentions is very screwed. This is pretty much a "friends make a dumb introduction" not "horny girl wants to get hooked up".
Don't know if you're aware, but girls want to get fucked. You know that song by Cyndi Lauper? She had to change the words to make it radio friendly, but it's the truth.
It's human nature. Most guys like when they say they go to clubs because they like the music and want a night out dancing. Bullshit. They want to find a girl and lay her.
This girl is horny. She wants to hook up. She just needs to find the right man who she will be willing to open her legs for.
It's ridiculous to think that girls don't want sex, that they just want to be introduced to some guy for no other reason other than to be friendly and platonic. She has a biological clock ticking inside her and it's waiting to go off.
The ball is in the OP's court. He can either have a great night out and enjoy his time with this girl and drop her off at the end of the party - be an 'entertainer' for the night. Or he can end up being in a relationship with her and have some really great sex. It's not easy - confidence doesn't come naturally to some guys. But it's better to try and fail rather than not try at all. And what he needs to do is view her as a horny girl who wants to hook up, not as a friend, because at the end of the day he doesn't just want a friend - otherwise he wouldn't have made this girl blog.
Lmao there is no plan. Anyone who is telling you, "This is what you do..." is full of shit and they don't know what they're talking about. Just be yourself, and if you over think everything in advance you'll come across as anxious and awkward. Try your best to be calm and engaging - that's it. You can't act like something you're not, it won't work, so just play the hand you've been dealt. She's probably nervous as well, so just do what every one does on a first date and try to get to know her and find common interests. This whole scientific approach people on TL take to meeting women is dumb as hell.
On July 10 2012 11:58 r.Evo wrote: ......besides the fact that his view of her intentions is very screwed. This is pretty much a "friends make a dumb introduction" not "horny girl wants to get hooked up".
Don't know if you're aware, but girls want to get fucked. You know that song by Cyndi Lauper? She had to change the words to make it radio friendly, but it's the truth.
It's human nature. Most guys like when they say they go to clubs because they like the music and want a night out dancing. Bullshit. They want to find a girl and lay her.
This girl is horny. She wants to hook up. She just needs to find the right man who she will be willing to open her legs for.
It's ridiculous to think that girls don't want sex, that they just want to be introduced to some guy for no other reason other than to be friendly and platonic. She has a biological clock ticking inside her and it's waiting to go off.
The ball is in the OP's court. He can either have a great night out and enjoy his time with this girl and drop her off at the end of the party - be an 'entertainer' for the night. Or he can end up being in a relationship with her and have some really great sex. It's not easy - confidence doesn't come naturally to some guys. But it's better to try and fail rather than not try at all. And what he needs to do is view her as a horny girl who wants to hook up, not as a friend, because at the end of the day he doesn't just want a friend - otherwise he wouldn't have made this girl blog.
You don't know shit pal. You don't know this girl at all, and if you tried this shit with someone like my fiancee you would have been shut down so fucking fast. Douchebag men get douchebag women.
On July 10 2012 11:58 r.Evo wrote: ......besides the fact that his view of her intentions is very screwed. This is pretty much a "friends make a dumb introduction" not "horny girl wants to get hooked up".
Don't know if you're aware, but girls want to get fucked. You know that song by Cyndi Lauper? She had to change the words to make it radio friendly, but it's the truth.
It's human nature. Most guys like when they say they go to clubs because they like the music and want a night out dancing. Bullshit. They want to find a girl and lay her.
This girl is horny. She wants to hook up. She just needs to find the right man who she will be willing to open her legs for.
It's ridiculous to think that girls don't want sex, that they just want to be introduced to some guy for no other reason other than to be friendly and platonic. She has a biological clock ticking inside her and it's waiting to go off.
The ball is in the OP's court. He can either have a great night out and enjoy his time with this girl and drop her off at the end of the party - be an 'entertainer' for the night. Or he can end up being in a relationship with her and have some really great sex. It's not easy - confidence doesn't come naturally to some guys. But it's better to try and fail rather than not try at all. And what he needs to do is view her as a horny girl who wants to hook up, not as a friend, because at the end of the day he doesn't just want a friend - otherwise he wouldn't have made this girl blog.
Yes every girl wants to get fucked. r.Evo is aware I'm sure. But first of all, it IS a "friends make a dumb introduction" either way. Secondly, you forget to factor in the most important factor (and the only one that keeps this world from having open sex on the streets) - society's expectations. Girls have what is called bitch shields which are basically required for them for the society to view them as "normal" (ie. not a slut). I'm with you on saying girls want sex just as much as men (if not more). But it's not socially "acceptable" for them and they do as much as they can to preserve that im sure you know what i mean here. So they put up the "protection" shit. If OP has what it takes to lower those shields or whatever, Im sure good things could come of it but as it stands (judging by OP's thought process in the blog), he doesn't.
On July 10 2012 11:58 r.Evo wrote: ......besides the fact that his view of her intentions is very screwed. This is pretty much a "friends make a dumb introduction" not "horny girl wants to get hooked up".
Don't know if you're aware, but girls want to get fucked. You know that song by Cyndi Lauper? She had to change the words to make it radio friendly, but it's the truth.
It's human nature. Most guys like when they say they go to clubs because they like the music and want a night out dancing. Bullshit. They want to find a girl and lay her.
This girl is horny. She wants to hook up. She just needs to find the right man who she will be willing to open her legs for.
It's ridiculous to think that girls don't want sex, that they just want to be introduced to some guy for no other reason other than to be friendly and platonic. She has a biological clock ticking inside her and it's waiting to go off.
The ball is in the OP's court. He can either have a great night out and enjoy his time with this girl and drop her off at the end of the party - be an 'entertainer' for the night. Or he can end up being in a relationship with her and have some really great sex. It's not easy - confidence doesn't come naturally to some guys. But it's better to try and fail rather than not try at all. And what he needs to do is view her as a horny girl who wants to hook up, not as a friend, because at the end of the day he doesn't just want a friend - otherwise he wouldn't have made this girl blog.
Yes every girl wants to get fucked. r.Evo is aware I'm sure. But first of all, it IS a "friends make a dumb introduction" either way. Secondly, you forget to factor in the most important factor (and the only one that keeps this world from having open sex on the streets) - society's expectations. Girls have what is called bitch shields which are basically required for them for the society to view them as "normal" (ie. not a slut). I'm with you on saying girls want sex just as much as men (if not more). But it's not socially "acceptable" for them and they do as much as they can to preserve that im sure you know what i mean here. So they put up the "protection" shit. If OP has what it takes to lower those shields or whatever, Im sure good things could come of it but as it stands (judging by OP's thought process in the blog), he doesn't.
On July 09 2012 14:08 blabber wrote: i don't understand why you should be wanting to ask this girl out when you haven't even met her
This.
This. This. This.
Calm the hell down, you don't even know if this girl is worth a modicum of your time or energy, let alone worth worrying about.
This is probably too fucking Dr Phil, but your problems are probably more about your perception of your own worth, rather than being scared of girls, given what you've posted in this thread.
On July 09 2012 14:08 blabber wrote:i don't understand why you should be wanting to ask this girl out when you haven't even met her
This.
This. This. This.
Calm the hell down, you don't even know if this girl is worth a modicum of your time or energy, let alone worth worrying about.
This is probably too fucking Dr Phil, but your problems are probably more about your perception of your own worth, rather than being scared of girls, given what you've posted in this thread.
Have some respect for yourself, man!!!!
I'd imagine he's seen her through facebook or whatever haha. If not, id advise OP to check her out first
-Mutual friends invite them both to a party because they think those two "would fit together" -Both involved parties are most likely like "Uhh... durr.. this is dumb... but maybe it's kind of cool" -If this is any similar to those situations I'm used to when they happen in my social circle half the evening is built around "AWWW AREN'T YOU TWO CUTE" and similar dumb stuff.
There is zero, nada, no information in the OP that lets us suggest that the girl he's going to meet is a male devouring beast which was just waiting for her friends to get introduced to a not-so-good-with-women dude they think is fitting for her. Whatever the case, that situation is not the time and place for "ima just grab between her legs and lead her hand to my dick"-move. It's called social calibration and screening.
On July 10 2012 11:58 r.Evo wrote: ......besides the fact that his view of her intentions is very screwed. This is pretty much a "friends make a dumb introduction" not "horny girl wants to get hooked up".
Don't know if you're aware, but girls want to get fucked. You know that song by Cyndi Lauper? She had to change the words to make it radio friendly, but it's the truth.
It's human nature. Most guys like when they say they go to clubs because they like the music and want a night out dancing. Bullshit. They want to find a girl and lay her.
This girl is horny. She wants to hook up. She just needs to find the right man who she will be willing to open her legs for.
It's ridiculous to think that girls don't want sex, that they just want to be introduced to some guy for no other reason other than to be friendly and platonic. She has a biological clock ticking inside her and it's waiting to go off.
The ball is in the OP's court. He can either have a great night out and enjoy his time with this girl and drop her off at the end of the party - be an 'entertainer' for the night. Or he can end up being in a relationship with her and have some really great sex. It's not easy - confidence doesn't come naturally to some guys. But it's better to try and fail rather than not try at all. And what he needs to do is view her as a horny girl who wants to hook up, not as a friend, because at the end of the day he doesn't just want a friend - otherwise he wouldn't have made this girl blog.
You don't know shit pal. You don't know this girl at all, and if you tried this shit with someone like my fiancee you would have been shut down so fucking fast. Douchebag men get douchebag women.
To be completely honest I have seen much, much worse stuff work on "shy, innocent and honest good girls". Very strong sexual / dominant / egomaniac frames are simply a different kind of ballgame. I completely agree with this type of stuff not being solid advice for the OP and rather hard to pull off even with more experience but, yeah - there are some rather repulsive behaviours out there which still will lead to success with a strong enough frame.
On July 10 2012 12:36 r.Evo wrote: -Mutual friends invite them both to a party because they think those two "would fit together" -Both involved parties are most likely like "Uhh... durr.. this is dumb... but maybe it's kind of cool" -If this is any similar to those situations I'm used to when they happen in my social circle half the evening is built around "AWWW AREN'T YOU TWO CUTE" and similar dumb stuff.
There is zero, nada, no information in the OP that lets us suggest that the girl he's going to meet is a male devouring beast which was just waiting for her friends to get introduced to a not-so-good-with-women dude they think is fitting for her. Whatever the case, that situation is not the time and place for "ima just grab between her legs and lead her hand to my dick"-move. It's called social calibration and screening.
On July 10 2012 11:58 r.Evo wrote: ......besides the fact that his view of her intentions is very screwed. This is pretty much a "friends make a dumb introduction" not "horny girl wants to get hooked up".
Don't know if you're aware, but girls want to get fucked. You know that song by Cyndi Lauper? She had to change the words to make it radio friendly, but it's the truth.
It's human nature. Most guys like when they say they go to clubs because they like the music and want a night out dancing. Bullshit. They want to find a girl and lay her.
This girl is horny. She wants to hook up. She just needs to find the right man who she will be willing to open her legs for.
It's ridiculous to think that girls don't want sex, that they just want to be introduced to some guy for no other reason other than to be friendly and platonic. She has a biological clock ticking inside her and it's waiting to go off.
The ball is in the OP's court. He can either have a great night out and enjoy his time with this girl and drop her off at the end of the party - be an 'entertainer' for the night. Or he can end up being in a relationship with her and have some really great sex. It's not easy - confidence doesn't come naturally to some guys. But it's better to try and fail rather than not try at all. And what he needs to do is view her as a horny girl who wants to hook up, not as a friend, because at the end of the day he doesn't just want a friend - otherwise he wouldn't have made this girl blog.
You don't know shit pal. You don't know this girl at all, and if you tried this shit with someone like my fiancee you would have been shut down so fucking fast. Douchebag men get douchebag women.
To be completely honest I have seen much, much worse stuff work on "shy, innocent and honest good girls". Very strong sexual / dominant / egomaniac frames are simply a different kind of ballgame. I completely agree with this type of stuff not being solid advice for the OP and rather hard to pull off even with more experience but, yeah - there are some rather repulsive behaviours out there which still will lead to success with a strong enough frame.
Even if we agree on nothing else, we can both agree that no, "Be a confident man and get pussy!" advice is going to work with the OP. I'm aware that all types of men can get all types of women, I'm not disputing that, what I would dispute is that an douchebag alpha male approach is the best approach.
Any effort you put in will have to be maintained forever. I think it would be wise to make that effort a natural extension of your being, not some advice from the internet
On July 10 2012 12:36 r.Evo wrote: -Mutual friends invite them both to a party because they think those two "would fit together" -Both involved parties are most likely like "Uhh... durr.. this is dumb... but maybe it's kind of cool" -If this is any similar to those situations I'm used to when they happen in my social circle half the evening is built around "AWWW AREN'T YOU TWO CUTE" and similar dumb stuff.
There is zero, nada, no information in the OP that lets us suggest that the girl he's going to meet is a male devouring beast which was just waiting for her friends to get introduced to a not-so-good-with-women dude they think is fitting for her. Whatever the case, that situation is not the time and place for "ima just grab between her legs and lead her hand to my dick"-move. It's called social calibration and screening.
On July 10 2012 12:22 Salv wrote:
On July 10 2012 12:13 Santa Cruz wrote:
On July 10 2012 11:58 r.Evo wrote: ......besides the fact that his view of her intentions is very screwed. This is pretty much a "friends make a dumb introduction" not "horny girl wants to get hooked up".
Don't know if you're aware, but girls want to get fucked. You know that song by Cyndi Lauper? She had to change the words to make it radio friendly, but it's the truth.
It's human nature. Most guys like when they say they go to clubs because they like the music and want a night out dancing. Bullshit. They want to find a girl and lay her.
This girl is horny. She wants to hook up. She just needs to find the right man who she will be willing to open her legs for.
It's ridiculous to think that girls don't want sex, that they just want to be introduced to some guy for no other reason other than to be friendly and platonic. She has a biological clock ticking inside her and it's waiting to go off.
The ball is in the OP's court. He can either have a great night out and enjoy his time with this girl and drop her off at the end of the party - be an 'entertainer' for the night. Or he can end up being in a relationship with her and have some really great sex. It's not easy - confidence doesn't come naturally to some guys. But it's better to try and fail rather than not try at all. And what he needs to do is view her as a horny girl who wants to hook up, not as a friend, because at the end of the day he doesn't just want a friend - otherwise he wouldn't have made this girl blog.
You don't know shit pal. You don't know this girl at all, and if you tried this shit with someone like my fiancee you would have been shut down so fucking fast. Douchebag men get douchebag women.
To be completely honest I have seen much, much worse stuff work on "shy, innocent and honest good girls". Very strong sexual / dominant / egomaniac frames are simply a different kind of ballgame. I completely agree with this type of stuff not being solid advice for the OP and rather hard to pull off even with more experience but, yeah - there are some rather repulsive behaviours out there which still will lead to success with a strong enough frame.
Even if we agree on nothing else, we can both agree that no, "Be a confident man and get pussy!" advice is going to work with the OP. I'm aware that all types of men can get all types of women, I'm not disputing that, what I would dispute is that an douchebag alpha male approach is the best approach.
In this case, yeah. You just can't walk up to a guy who never dealt with this stuff before and be like LOL WELL JUST WALK UP TO HER AND WELL JUST BE A MAN AND WELL JUST GO AND HAVE SEX WITH HER. =D
The only situation where I'd recommend this type of "Just get yourself horny"-thing to a new guy is when things are going well but out of fear/nervousness you're too scared to escalate physically. When some type of "omg I should be more offensive now but omgomg I can't I'm sweating and I'm scared shitless omg what should I do"-thinking settles in getting horny isn't exactly a bad idea.
dude it's introduction, not an arranged marriage. Don't get worked up on the sex positions you want to try, just be yourself, and if she's into you I would recommend reverse cowgirl, based on your height
On July 10 2012 13:43 SometimesIworkout wrote: dude it's introduction, not an arranged marriage. Don't get worked up on the sex positions you want to try, just be yourself, and if she's into you I would recommend reverse cowgirl, based on your height
There really is no plan, I have refurbished lines I use 24/7 if I’m hitting on a girl, one of them that works well is just as soon as you make them smile say, you have a cute/great/bangable/whatever word your comfortable with saying smile then whenever they smile bring it up subtlety and they get all shy and shit and keep smiling / cover their smile. That usually makes you seem like some smooth out of towner .. well not really. Basically whatever makes you feel like a total fairy is what the babes eat up -_-.
Someone sent me a PM in response to my post above and I just had to share it (because it stunned me even more than the post I quoted)...
Well, obviously a 69 wouldn't work (unless someone has a foot fetish). I actually think upside down reverse missionary would work better - where the girl is leaning on her back on the carpet with her legs up on the couch, and the OP can do her from above (opposite the sofa) so she gets a clear view up his ass as he is ramming his dick into her pussy or ass.
On July 10 2012 16:00 Brett wrote: Someone sent me a PM in response to my post above and I just had to share it (because it stunned me even more than the post I quoted)...
Well, obviously a 69 wouldn't work (unless someone has a foot fetish). I actually think upside down reverse missionary would work better - where the girl is leaning on her back on the carpet with her legs up on the couch, and the OP can do her from above (opposite the sofa) so she gets a clear view up his ass as he is ramming his dick into her pussy or ass.
ROFL. You kids watch too much fucking porn.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Trying so hard to think of a response without getting myself banned
On July 10 2012 12:22 Salv wrote: if you tried this shit with someone like my fiancee you would have been shut down so fucking fast. Douchebag men get douchebag women.
On July 10 2012 16:00 Brett wrote: Someone sent me a PM in response to my post above and I just had to share it (because it stunned me even more than the post I quoted)...
Well, obviously a 69 wouldn't work (unless someone has a foot fetish). I actually think upside down reverse missionary would work better - where the girl is leaning on her back on the carpet with her legs up on the couch, and the OP can do her from above (opposite the sofa) so she gets a clear view up his ass as he is ramming his dick into her pussy or ass.
On July 10 2012 12:22 Salv wrote: if you tried this shit with someone like my fiancee you would have been shut down so fucking fast. Douchebag men get douchebag women.
LOL so naive
Truth... mostly because they are so inexperienced. Its much harder to get away with things with an experienced and/or attractive woman.
On July 10 2012 12:22 Salv wrote: if you tried this shit with someone like my fiancee you would have been shut down so fucking fast. Douchebag men get douchebag women.
LOL so naive
Truth... mostly because they are so inexperienced. Its much harder to get away with things with an experienced and/or attractive woman.
Ya I was thinking something similiar. The popular term on the web these days is "beta". Only a "beta" man would so eagerly imply his mate to be so virtuous with possesion of a special brand of rare purity of spirit. His lack of experience means a lack of understanding that she is a woman. A living breathing human being with wild passions of her own, the depravity of which can match and even surpass even the most undersexed, blue balled basement dwelling porn addict. Sorry to say but he is a cuckold in the making. I don't mean to be insulting nor am I attacking the character of his fiance but unless he learns to acknowledge the true natures of women(often misunderstood by even women themselves), cuckoldy is what the future holds or even worse, a nasty divorce alongside it.
On July 10 2012 12:22 Salv wrote: if you tried this shit with someone like my fiancee you would have been shut down so fucking fast. Douchebag men get douchebag women.
LOL so naive
Truth... mostly because they are so inexperienced. Its much harder to get away with things with an experienced and/or attractive woman.
Ya I was thinking something similiar. The popular term on the web these days is "beta". Only a "beta" man would so eagerly imply his mate to be so virtuous with possesion of a special brand of rare purity of spirit. His lack of experience means a lack of understanding that she is a woman. A living breathing human being with wild passions of her own, the depravity of which can match and even surpass even the most undersexed, blue balled basement dwelling porn addict. Sorry to say but he is a cuckold in the making. I don't mean to be insulting nor am I attacking the character of his fiance but unless he learns to acknowledge the true natures of women(often misunderstood by even women themselves), cuckoldy is what the future holds or even worse, a nasty divorce alongside it.
Well bitter medicine often works best. Sadly, most modern first world men are crybabies(some say they have been too feminized but I'll leave that argument to the experts ) and resist the bitter sting of truth with great zeal.
I think you should just show up, be friendly, and see if she interests you. No need to freak out or anything, maybe she'll be ugly or boring and you won't care at all, but maybe you'll hit it off! Don't pressure yourself :D
EPT
.
![[image loading]](http://www.trollphysicscomics.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/fmp_572px/sap/2010/11/plan-all-your-conversations-in-advance-person-says-something-unexpected-socially-awkward-penguin.jpg)
) and resist the bitter sting of truth with great zeal.
