EPTTerran
- Have an upgrade for barracks in TvT where it makes your units pop out of the other guy’s barracks instead.
- Command Centers should serve as graveyards for fallen Terran units. Reapers could bring units back to life. Also, Ravens could feed in the graveyards to regain energy.
- Planetary Fortresses should be able to lift and fly at the speed of Phoenixes. If you follow the PF with Banshees, the PF should turn invisible too.
- The Thor Strike Cannon doesn’t see enough use. You should be able to use it on other friendly Thors to blast them quickly into the battlefield. If you can chain a bunch of these together and send 10 Thors at the same time, it should create a meteor impact that makes all Ultralisks go extinct (the opponent can never build Ultralisks in any game ever again).
- Battlecruisers should have an upgrade that allows them to release the 5,000 Marines they clearly have inside them onto the battlefield.
- To intensify the proxy Marauder TvT opening, Marauders should become magnetic, causing all SCVs to stick to it.
- You should be able to build Sensor Towers directly on top of Siege Tanks, allowing the Tanks to shoot anything in the Tower’s radius. This would also be possible with Tanks and Orbitals for scan.
- The Medivac should be able to use its little beam to lift up enemy units and drop them into the Space Oceans. The amount of Medivacs needed would, of course, depend on the weight of the unit.
- Instead of the Viking having to do a whole big transformation to shoot ground, it should simply tilt slightly downward.
- Damage from Hellions should increase by typing witty fire-related jokes into chat. “One of those Drones must have been Nelly, because its getting Hot in Herre.”
Zerg
- When a unit breaks out of the effect of Neural Parasite, it should have amnesia and need to be nursed back to health by Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen’s family
- When Zerglings get the Adrenal upgrade, they should start reciting Richard Pryor lines.
- Roach burrow movement speed should be doubled. However, there would be a 30% chance any given roach takes a wrong turn at Albuquerque and has to fight Texans.
- If a player has more than 30 Mutalisks out at the same time, they automatically lose the game because fuck you.
- The amount of time for Hydras to root into the ground so they can attack needs to be shortened.
- You should be able to load Banelings into Spore Crawlers for added anti-air capabilities. They would also be launchable for roughly the distance of two Sensor Tower diameters.
- Corruptors should wear leather jackets and not be allowed to date the Minister’s daughter
- When an Ultralisk dies, another Ultralisk should be able to wear its skin for an additional two armour. However, this weirdo Ultralisk would eventually be caught by Clarice Starling and Dr. Lecter.
- The Brood Lord should have an upgrade that causes it to spit out Banelings. We could call it the Bane Lord but then it would get picked up by the WWE.
- Instead of the opposing player seeing “Nydus Worm Detected”, it should say “Hey man, you’re shoe’s untied.” This might allow the Nydus Worm time to get up.
Protoss
- The Dark Templar needs Blink and that thing that stops detection from the campaign. Recent studies have shown that people don’t quite have nightmares about DTs enough (citation needed).
- The Mothership should be able to recall units onto a different map if in trouble.
- The only way it should be possible to kill a Colossus is by having Morgan Freeman sneeze into a microphone.
- Zealots should grow angry and double in strength if a link to a youtube clip of a caster saying “Zee lot” is pasted into the chat.
- The Robotics Support Bay should have a “Macy’s Changing Room” upgrade for Observers that allows them to make creepy old man noises when they spot a Medivac.
- The Stalker’s Blink should double in length if casted from near a line-of-sight blocker.
- I think the changes to the Carrier that I’ve already proposed here should be plenty to keep things interesting.
- Immortals should have a special Rock Buster ability that allows them to kill destructible rocks in one hit. Also, they can attack random terrain features and close paths with the rubble.
- Units from a Sentry’s Hallucinate should appear to the opponent as very wavy, distorted, and colourful.
- Giving Feedback with a High Templar should be good for one free order of fries with your next purchase at Burger King.
- Phoenixes shouldn’t cost minerals or gas. Instead, you should have to beat a level of Asteroids to get one.
- Every time units are warped in through a Warp Prism, it should trigger a 1980s sitcom Applause effect.
General
- Remove the “Tie Game” mechanic that activates when nothing happens for a while. Instead, when those conditions are met, both players are given a random unit from any race (including hero units from the campaign) every 30 seconds until someone wins.
- Don’t directly reveal buildings when all of a player’s town halls are destroyed. Give players hints about where the buildings are using clips from the cartoon show Arthur.
Blizzard still has some time before HotS comes out. It should be enough to get most of these implemented and if not, surely we can get them in there in future patches. I’m sure y’all will enjoy the soon-to-be new state of Sc2 that will serve as eSports’ flagship for centuries to come.
You’re welcome, peace !
