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So I just spent 15 hours writing what I'm pretty sure was the greatest thing anybody has ever typed, written, or spelled out in Alphaghetti. I even bought a top of the line battery and power generator so I could write the whole thing on a laptop in a public park in one sitting.
This is because I really like squirrels. They are like owls in that they both have fur and usually eyes.
I made every precaution to make sure nothing would happen to the power or the laptop because I knew what I would be writing was going to be amazing. My super-battery was backed up by a powerful generator and that was further backed up by a hampster on a wheel.
Auto-correct just taught me there’s no ‘P’ in hamster. Except in their bladders, I guess. That joke would have two levels to it if “bladder” was spelled “blatter” instead. Sadly it isn’t. “Platter” is though.
Okay. Even the hamster wheel had its own little backup: a battery rigged up by my 7 year old nephew involving potatoes. Also I made sure I was safe from the homeless by erecting a post and hanging my patented homeless-deterrent from it. I call it “soap.”
With all that covered, I thought there was no way anything could go wrong. What I didn’t count on, however, was that writing in the text box here on TL itself turns out not to be an infallible method. Certainly, there have not been innumerable blogs that say otherwise. When I finally went to hit post, an error happened.
You see, the problem was that there was no internet connection at the park. I hadn’t realized because the only breaks I took from writing were to feed my hamster and to chase the squirrels with butterfly nets. I didn’t capture any. Even if I did though I would have released it instead of eating it. I hunt for sport, not for killing.
Anyway, I tried it hit back and retrieve it but it was too late. Quite possibly the greatest contribution to literature in the last century (I swear) gone just like that. The thing was so great that you guys would have been donating money to me because you were so impressed and honoured that I put it on Teamliquid first.
I was counting on this money to pay for tuition next year but now that’s out of the question. Actually, I’m sure you guys trust it would be great so if I can raise $1,000,000 from you guys, I’ll re-write the thing for you!
Unfortunately I dont have paypal so just throw the money out your window and I will come collect it. I’ll be the one on the unicycle. They call me Major Bedhead.
Thank you, bye !
Edit: I forgot to include the moral of the story! From now on, I won't just type into the TL text box. Instead, I will engrave my posts into stone and leave them outside of TL headquarters.
  
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It is 4/20 after all.......
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On April 21 2012 10:34 N3rV[Green] wrote:
It is 4/20 after all.......
I don't do drugs. This is because if you do any drugs, even marijuana or Tylenol, I heard you get a phone call saying that you will die in 7 days. I can't risk that because I have an exam on Monday.
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i know this feeling ;p.
constantly lose posts b/c i'm not smart. make sure to copy text whenever you get a few paras up, and save on notepad if you're planning to write something a couple of pages or more.
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On April 21 2012 10:39 Bibbit wrote:I don't do drugs. This is because if you do any drugs, even marijuana or Tylenol, I heard you get a phone call saying that you will die in 7 days. I can't risk that because I have an exam on Monday.
Tylenol is one hell of a drug.
You thoroughly confused me for the first half of the blog but I enjoyed it.
5/5 would read again.
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United States2350 Posts
You see, the problem was that there was no internet connection at the park. I hadn’t realized because the only breaks I took from writing were to feed my hamster and to chase the squirrels with butterfly nets. I didn’t capture any. Even if I did though I would have released it instead of eating it. I hunt for sport, not for killing.
There is actually a very simple solution to this primeval dilemma. The butterfly nets are obviously made of the same material as hot knives, since they are so effective against butterflies. Being made of stainless steel like most knives in our time, they are about 1/9th chromium by weight. Chromium in its trivalent form is necessary for both humans and, incidentally, squirrels, in metabolism. Managing to force the squirrels to consume this chromium would likely induce a hyper-chromic state, in which the famous philosopher Sigmund Freud and the famous fiction writer Charles Darwin both observed a marked decrease in vivacity. Such lethargy of grandiose scale would only be interpreted to the uninformed as mere rest, yet this languid state accompanied by the pathetic mewlings of a dying squirrel could still attract a substantial throng of plebeians, which I estimate to encompass at least a number of seven. Out of these, one must certainly tote a mobile hotspot, those modern fountainheads which provide us with the necessary tessellation with our fellows, and indubitably would lead you on the path towards teamliquid.net, that website which provides us with so much merriment and self expression, and provider of the final bastion which separates the enlightened and truly mentally deficient mouthbreathers that threaten to spread their plague throughout the world.
+ Show Spoiler +If you can't tell, this is a joke that is meant to quietly show all of you guys that this is a joke blog, (I think parodying inthefades blog). Avert yourself from embarrassment and post accordingly .
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Google Chrome. Prevents squirrel escapes, hamster starvation and missing text.
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I worked on this reply for hours but the homeless people ate it.
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EPT
