EPTRight now I got thousand little thoughts and anecdotes to write down but again I'm thinking by the old saying "Piece by piece - to make it better". Because hell yeah, you will understand better if I tell you something in segments. You will dwell on it. Examine it. But, what did I write in beginning? Am I contradictory to myself? No, because - well, we all share the same feeling - feeling that in the end of the day no matter what we want to prevail. Let me explain what I mean. Understanding has many shapes, you can understand many things and percept them in one hundred more ways that you can imagine.
My life was standard life of middle-class child. Even tough my father was out of my life for five years because of war and even tough we had such bad standard that it's a bit over the top to call it a middle class - I had wish to make something from myself. I didn't exactly wanted to be something. I wanted to make someone look into my eyes and tell me: "Yeah man, you did good". But of course - it didn't go that way.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/lzilY.jpg)
It's a cliché, don't look at the mouth. Look at meaning. It's not there all the time, but don't let it surprise you. It's wasting of time!
Time passed by and while I was going trough school, trying to "score" girls and drink my ass of to be something (as many kids do) - deep down in depths of my soul I knew that that wasn't it. It was just matter of time when I would just explode and try to fulfill my craving for being something by doing stuff that can just lead me into blind alley.
Well I started to smoke weed hard. Don't get me wrong, weed is great in my experience and if used right - you can really get into your personal inner self and you can intelligently be creative and use it in your advantage. Just like in StarCraft - input that you get from scouting and using strategies - you can use them in your advantage.
But I didn't think that way. I started to deal all sorts of stuff, weed was well - Platinum rank. I wanted to be Grandmaster so I did hit that crack/cocaine game and started to deal it like crazy. I wanted money - again not to buy something, be gang banger in front of girls or anything like that. I just wanted to feel useful. Yeah, I did work but people that I worked for didn't pay me every month and I didn't have or didn't want any other option. I was satisfied with myself because, well - if nothing I would get high and get laid.
After that wasn't enough I started to do more bad stuff. I would have sex with married woman that had children (and don't try to say it's not my fault - I did it and I didn't have if I didn't want it but I did, how would you feel if someone is screwing your wife?). I started to be depressed, my dad started to be very abusive because of his physical condition and at one point I really looked at sky and asked myself - "Why is this happening?". Funny - looking at sky and talking to myself (most of people are trying to reach God by that method). I knew I was not bad guy but I did bad things. Not because I wanted them, I wanted to "personalize" myself.
I could really go on and on about those days, and still today I sometimes do. But point of this blog at this time is not that I share my gang-drug-thug-life stories but to make connection with StarCraft. Well, if you followed words that this author put on this piece of world wide web you should connect it a bit by yourself.
U-turn in my life started when I asked myself something in this manner: "Hey man, maybe really everything comes and goes with reason. Maybe those cliché words are true but you are just to hardheaded to accept it.". Because when you are different from others and you spit in the face of the facts it makes you hard-ass guy. That's persona that I did want to find and to be, something like when you are trying to search for your playstyle.
Well it seems it all fits. It can be applied in your game. It's deeper then you think. Don't be me, be yourself - another cliché but hey, it's okay - be new me. Why? For first - how can you help your game? Hard work, being god manner, discipline yourself - because you lose with reason. Not because someone turned back on you that day - it's because you didn't burrow those Lurkers on time or you didn't Chrono Boost right buildings in right time.
When it comes to hard times and after all - the title of this blog - does hard and "No way out" training and lifestyle makes us better? Again, it's true. If I got beaten up every day I will not only be used to it (it's lesser toll on your brain then, at least that's what I feel) but you will think about it, it will become you, it will make you think about being beat up while you shit and while you eat. That much time thinking about it will naturally make you devise a plan to defend or defend and counter-attack. Same thing applies to games, especially RTS, especially StarCraft (and StarCraft 2 of course). So make it hard for you, don''t be fool and try it easy. Because you will be left alone with your 4-Gates while others just have such skill that you can do 4-Gate 100 times on them and they will counter it with their feet. It's all about earning those stripes. You earn them for yourself and not so that can other say you earned them and now you have certain rights. It's bad, it is what I wanted from the day I was born - I wanted approval and when I didn't get it I was a mess. Only few people want to be mess, and you as StarCraft player for sure don't want that to happen.
What do you think about SlayerS_BoxerS? Did he have it easy? As I'm journalist I did researched his childhood and teen years and I've seen something that I didn't see all this time. Boxer was not good because he was "God chosen" - he was good because he got it hard, he got it pure and he had will of steel. Let's say it like this - if someone is pushing you every time while you are going to get your lunch - after some time you will go on purpose - the same route, same way - just to see if you can punch that guy in face for just once! It makes you cocky, but if you separate cocky to intelligently getting some kind of anger in yourself that makes you better, more disciplined and gets you will so hard that you will prevail - that's it. Boxer didn't have PC when he was starting to play. And he didn't have excuses - PC Bang and friend's PC man, just like someone will have great body without going to gym - because if he wants it so hard he will make bench press from parts of toilet and some wood. And work his ass so much that he will surpass people that have everything. You need that, mindset.
And now if we see it clearly - everything we need is mindset. If I want it really so hard I will play 15 hours a day and I will be the best. Of course - it's not true and that's where most of people mess up. Many who get mindset of that kind must reprogram themselves and they lost wider perspective. For example - I will just click to play another game because I can't concentrate on watching replay. Not because I lost or won - it's just because I accepted I'm gonna b e hard player who is solider, a robot and will only play mass games. It's enough, right? Well, it's not and its time to use our "Hard" strategy again. It's battle of your brain that must be used to switch from STATE 1 to STATE 2 and your third part must know when to switch. So, two parts and one switch. I think that's real difference between pro and amateur. A fighter and loser. And you need to lose to learn to win. Because, how would otherwise know that you won?
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/m64zz.jpg)
I percept my shadow bigger then me. I used to do that. But then I understood that it was I who was projecting that shadow - thus can control it.
One day I lit my ciggarete and puffed the smoke in monitor that just spread all over it. Something like my depression spread over me and like virus spread trough my brain - can't reprogram it. But when you understand that It can't go that way you got chance to change it. Same with the game - when you understand and when you accept you are doing it wrong then you can change it. Don't even waste your time to change it when you are not aware that you are doing it wrong. Many people change but because someone told them "Hey, it's wrong". They know it, and you accepted it but in you heart, in your mind (and don''t deny it, it's 99 percent of us that way) - you think they are not fully right but hey - you will listen. Don't do it. Do it when you are 100 percent ready and believe it. Otherwise it will last for a month, half of year or maybe a year and you will be on start.
You know who goes to start willingly? Super Mario. Do you want to be that way? StarCraft is way beyond game. It needs time, it needs money for your hardware and 99 percent of time you will sacrifice portion of your social life. Don't let it be for nothing. Just do it - cliché, yeah, but it has secret and I will reveal it.
Do it when you know you want, need and fully believe in it. It can be applied in every way of life, but in StarCraft it can be even duplicated. If you go blindly into someones expansion and there is no way to win - why did you do it? I seen examples of this times and times again, and I do it again and again. It's again - mindset. Because you think, you can't just think - you must know it. Same as I knew I must stop dealing drugs, hang with thugs and fucking others wifes. Because in the end - I will get longer part of the rope and who knows what "present" would that life situation get me. One thing I know - it won't be candy. Make it candy. How? Well if you want something done properly, again you must be sure in it.
Problem with making sure is that many people say you must believe in yourself. Yeah, thats true but it doesn't have detail. This blog would be nothing without details. I wouldn't make any sense without details. They didn't say you exactly - BELIEVE in yourself when you know, when you feel and when you are sure that you need that believing in yourself to make it right, to win or to score. In StarCraft you need details to win. Most of the time, and if you don't - they will not harm you, details in picture are the same - you don't see them but something in yourself sees them and tells you "Hey man, that's good painting".
We can't control our inner thoughts every time, but well - we can sure train it. To train it you must discover what's important and then find something that I call "Anchor". That something that will in some way "tie" you with mission that you want to accomplish.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/4uU5L.jpg)
Was Adrian Rocky's "Anchor"?
For example, first time when I did try to use this strategy was on some business that was so hard to do. I knew that I won't do it - I will not care, guess what - I will get high. But I had girlfriend back then and I loved her more then anything and one day I just told her: "I will do it for you, because I need anchor and I don't want to disappoint you, it will give me strength". And don't think its false strength - it's just way for people like me who need "Anchor" to get that extra mile going.
It's funny how this thing can be applied in so diverse way and on so much things - it can make my head explode. Maybe that's mystery of life? That we have it all and we can practice same thing on many others things but we want to complicate. Look it at this way - we can micro our zealots and kill of Hydras but we can also hope that we out mass them. It's same tool but a different way of applying it. That mindset is real mindset of player that don't want to be the best - he pursues his goal of being better and he KNOWS reward awaits him. Candy? It depends what's your goal, but I bet you Boxer did micro those Dropships because everyone else didn't have this mindset or they were stubborn - he knew he can apply them better, and just with few clicks. It didn't work out first time 100 % but he "felt" that thing I was writing about a minute ago - he KNEW, he FELT and he did GO for it. His reward? He will be remembered for his Dropship micro forever!
But I did indeed bumped into an obstacle no matter what way I go. Basically the biggest problem that I'm facing right now is - what do to when it seems nothing can't be better? Even if I exhausted every option, every bit of my being (and believe me, I was many times in state where I wish I was never born) - where can I find that inner strength twice a day? Or three times a day? I can pull it off 2-3 games, once in a day for something game-unrelated. But how to make it last longer and how to enable myself to make it happen whenever I want more then usually?
Well, that's the secret that I'm hunting down right now, and it seems that just like Indiana Jones I will must undergo a long journey that's ahead of yours, my and anyones' else life or playstyle. Because if you look at it - how you play your life is not your lifestyle - it's your plan and playstyle. But this time it's not about points on ladder - it's about life that can dictate many other things including life of other people.
To me it seems now it's battle of doing it long enough so it's naturally part of me, so I don't even think about it. Contradictory once again because I said - "It must be part of your mindset, think about it while you are on toilet" - but now we are talking about endurance - when you got mindset then you got it, endurance - you need to replenish it every day.
It seems that we as a people can learn a lot, and unlearn a lot. That's big problem, and how to face the fact that you are indeed lost a portion of knowledge that you basically earned trough "blood, sweat and tears". Well, it's perception and fear, two factors and to be honest - second is the one I have hard time. Not that I'm scared of something that can harm me, I'm scared (and this is really important when we talk about development of gamer or any other person in any other segment of life) of doing something that has a chance of fail.
If you have one chance then probably you will try it out and give it your best. Thats another cliché, just remember what Eminem said in his song "Lose Yourself", everyone is saying one chance is all you need and basically most of the time it's only what you got. Should that be pressing factor or relief factor? Now you face the perception, so then - perception can't go without fear, and fear can't come without of perception of "something" being "something other" in future.
So my recommendation is to get that mindset and get feel "how you feel" so you can know how to react. Naturally it will implement in game style and after that be a lifestyle routine that you don't want or don't need to think about (I experienced that when you over-think something you can easily destroy it and blame yourself which is negative effect overall).
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/Vonbe.jpg)
No face, no race, no emotion ergo no disrespect or respect - it should be of a higher meaning. Your "Measure of a man"
In the end it all boils down to the fact that there is many ways and many techniques you can use in every day life and implement it as part of something else that is just element of your life. In this instance it's StarCraft - but if you are soccer player I would for sure find a way to get my theory valid in that segment as well.
I recall one more thing - when I was really down and didn't think that my life worths 2 cents then I truly felt what means to be in really bad shape. Being in bad shape one way or another will help you know when you are at your peak. When you know your peak you can develop strategy to extend it.
For example - at the moment I know my peak was about three years ago when I did so much positive stuff in my life. And when I know that my gateway builds around 2 minutes in game - I know that by studying replays I can make it faster or a bit slower - but it only counts if my opponent did react in some sort of way. So - answer is hard to explain but - by concentrating on yourself you can at least accomplish 50 percent of your goal. It is detailed and it's complicated because it will grant you something - most of the times easy way out is no way out.
What should you do? I think we should all no matter of situation get to know ourselves better. It seems that we don't develop as humans but we develop "to develop", and if you are at peak and someone tells you are at peak then you are limitation. Only YOU know what's your peak, and you know what - if you don't "FEEL" it - then you are lying to yourself and it's time to self-check and turn that gravity other way around. I did it. And it maybe saved my life and ... improved my StarCraft game a bit. Be wise.
P.S. Sorry for my bad English. I hope that eastern-European cliché is not true in this case
like training your mind to think the right way. I do think you should work harder to shorten the amount of text while still retaining all of your meaning, it seems like there is a lot of repetition and redundant sentences in there! Your english looks really good and not at all like a typical eastern european stereotype though 
