So I'm just asking this because I'm curious: Is having a love partner seen as overrated ?
I hear that statement sometimes and also read about it in some blogs, but all I can interpret that as is that people saying stuff like that are just ranting because they're jealous i.e. they are incapable of having one themselves.
I personally believe that having a girlfriend represents a certain level of virtue and charm that a man has that made a girl fall for him. This could be looks, skills, confidence, a combination of them, all of the previous, and more. Not everybody can GET a lover, so it represents virtues that you have and others dont. I also believe that having a relationship is a crucial part of life (for both old and young, but especially for the young) because it allows for the person to grow and mature mentally and physically. Through such relationships you can learn about people, society, and life. Learning about man from books and science, I believe, is limited. This is because of first-hand experience; one who's never had a loving relationship before cannot understand the pain of having lost one, or the happiness of being together. When you talk with someone who's had a relationship and one who's never had one, there is a significant difference that you can notice immediately. There is a difference between experiencing something second-hand and feeling it to the bone first-hand, whether this is a good experience or a band one. I think it is a good thing to have a loving relationship, and that people should be proud, just not TOO proud. After all, man is naturally attracted to women, and vice-versa (and also man to man and woman to woman). Man is naturally prone to find a love partner, and care for the partner, and through this you can grow your sense of responsibility. Not to mention the physical and mental pleasures you enjoy while being in a relationship. Of course, there are many other experiences that makes a man grow, like suffering from tragic happenings in life, or going to the army and enduring hardships and sufferings. Instead of ranting, people who are looking for, but are incapable of, finding a partner should open up and ask for help, because there are always people who are willing to give a hand (although some are better than others). Another reason why people might rant is because they've been hurt and betrayed by their ex. Hey, that's life, right ? Pick yourselves up and start living life again. You're not the first and only ones that have been hurt. This is my theory anyways, supported by my own experience and own reasoning. I admit I might be wrong or biased. Just my take on the story.
There are of course, exceptions. Some people are naturally mature, have deep thoughts and understanding, without having to learn it first-hand.
What are your thoughts and takes on this ? Tackle away, this post is all yours to do so. I am expecting all sorts of reactions, no matter how brutal they get (Cuz trolls still exist right ? meh).
sharing your life with someone else is always a good thing. friends are great, but there is a level of intimacy you can never achieve with them. besides, eventually you want to get married, right?
Yes. Pretty much end of story. However, there are people that have different personalities than myself, and they feel the opposite, and that's fine for them. I don't pretend to be the only archetype of personality, I just happen to have learned that commitment and close/intimate friendships are not something I care about.
tbh it depends on who you are and what you're looking for. some people absolutely want/need that intimacy while others do perfectly fine without them.
speaking from experience, I had a girlfriend a few years ago who I really really liked and the intimacy was felt really good. It's something that you can't really achieve with just platonic friends. Right now though, I really don't care about having a girlfriend due to a combination of being in college and also being rather busy and focusing on other aspects of my life.
I've been in serious relationships and short flings. I've also been single for a while now, so take this with a grain of salt. Fuck being single. I enjoy going to sleep with a partner I can have sex with. Call yourself independent all you want, I can't imagine being happy permanently solo. (But hey, I'm not everyone, maybe you can do it)
Yes. I've had various long-term and short-term relationships. They are really overrated as heck for the regular reasons people state. My motivation has been ya know having like a best best friend that you can get really intimate with. But besides that, yeah having a gf is overrated. :s
There is a small percentage of people who don't have any sexual feelings or need of intimacy, but that is very low. The majority of us yearn to have that special partner whether we want to admit it or not.
On April 09 2012 15:29 Sinensis wrote: Is having a job overrated? No.
A girl friend is the same thing, only you get paid in sex.
if you have a girlfriend you are paying for sex. same thing as everything
Posts like these make me sick, although it was probably ment ironic one should not say those things. I am well aware that we are not living in the flower paradise but seriously, are you willingly living together with someone and reducing it to that ?
On April 09 2012 15:35 firehand101 wrote: Im almost crying that TL has gotten to this point. MODS, PLEASE BE STRICT AGAIN!
..........i beg of you, im dying inside......
Maybe you should not look at threads you don't want to read, you are the worst type of forum troll, adding nothing to the current discussion but being absolutely rude.
on another note, i think having a significant other is very important to us instinctively, we are social creatures after all.
On April 09 2012 15:29 Sinensis wrote: Is having a job overrated? No.
A girl friend is the same thing, only you get paid in sex.
What sad outlooks on relationships. Its more than just sex. In a HEALTHY relationship it is a companion who makes you a better person, and you make her a better person. Its also a best friend, who's there to support you and love you. Its someone you can physically and emotionally open yourself up to. It is someone to sleep next, someone to hold you, someone to call you out out on your bullshit, and someone to catch you when you fall and pick you back up again.
Having relationships make you a better person, end of story. I'm going to venture a guess that most of you who say things like its just sex or its just arguing have never truly been in a healthy relationship/ are bitter about lost love/ have never gotten into a relationship and throw up mindless banter in a pathetic defense mechanism.
some people don't like being in a relationship... i like it tho cuz u can hook up pretty much whenever you want and you have someone you can talk to everyday about dumb shit that noone else will talk to you about
Theres no sense in getting into a relationship, if you don't plan on being committed. That being said, having a gf is only as overrated as you want it to be. If you don't plan on dealing with all of the things that come with a relationship, then don't be in one. Also, everyone wants someone sooner or later regardless of who they may be, people search for intimacy wether they realize it or not.
On April 09 2012 15:32 sinjitsu_ wrote: Wow at this post. Seriously you should really ask yourself that question out loud and hear how lame this topic is.
Wow at your face you should look yourself and see how lame y..... Sorry for being rude. Please explain yourself.
Everything is overrated, right? So in the most basic sense, yes. BUT. The real question is "is having a girlfriend worth the emotional, financial, and time investment?" Which isn't something that has a simple yes/no answer. Basically, it depends on the person you're with, how much you enjoy their company, how much spare time you have, etc. There's no way to know until you go out there and find out.
On April 09 2012 15:35 firehand101 wrote: Im almost crying that TL has gotten to this point. MODS, PLEASE BE STRICT AGAIN!
..........i beg of you, im dying inside......
Maybe you should not look at threads you don't want to read, you are the worst type of forum troll, adding nothing to the current discussion but being absolutely rude.
on another note, i think having a significant other is very important to us instinctively, we are social creatures after all.
Mods, please. What are you guys doing letting a troll (Telsh, not firehand101) like this stay ?
EDIT: I meant firehand101 not Telsh. I'm terribly sorry Telsh, for the confusion.
Hmm, its a difficult question and I would say more it depends on the age and maturity of both of you. If you are below 21, I have a 95% confidence in saying yes having a girlfriend is overrated. I still think its important to have a few up until you are 21 to learn how to deal with rejection and to get confidence in yourself, but actually having one is vastly overrated. In the mid 20s though I can say that having a girlfriend isn't overrated, its nice to have someone to look after and vice versa.
Overrated compared to sitting alone home everynight, playing WoW and stuffing your face with chips and candy? Not overrated at all
Overrated to a active social life, meeting girls "casually" as in **** buddies? No not at all.
The girlfriend experience only seems overwhelmingly awesome if you are the first type, but if you have a good social life and nice set of girls it can be a downgrade depending on the girl.
This topic is kind of confusing, but I'll just go ahead and say "no" to the original question.
A lot of people have pretty retarded views on relationships around here it seems. A girlfriend is like paying for sex? Really? I've never viewed a single relationship like that, and I don't feel any of my girlfriends have either. If sex were all I wanted, I wouldn't go out and look for a girlfriend; I'd just buy a hooker.
Companionship is something that is never overrated. I'm not afraid to admit that I need a woman in my life if I want to be optimally happy. If I don't have a girlfriend I can be content with how everything's going, and of course enjoy my time with friends, but I'd really rather just have somebody close to me.
i'm an old guy. i can tell you. having a gf definately is overrated. haha. live life. sow your wild oats and do what you want. when you get older settle down. you have plenty of time to settle down.
On April 09 2012 15:25 Curu wrote: Depends on what kind you find,
Is having a girlfriend overrated? Yes. Is finding your soulmate overrated? Not one bit.
This. Am I in a more or less traditional boyfriend-girlfriend relationship? No. But I do have someone who is very, very close to me that is a girl that I've known for seven years. I get a lot more happiness simply talking to her than spending all that time and money on any other girl that I've actually dated.
You hear people making these statements and see them writing blogs about it?? Bitter people who are going through rough patches with their significant other or just recently broke up may blog about that shit...
On April 09 2012 15:16 dAPhREAk wrote: sharing your life with someone else is always a good thing. friends are great, but there is a level of intimacy you can never achieve with them. besides, eventually you want to get married, right?
It's a good excuse and an easy way to become extremely close to someone and learn a lot about yourself as well as human interaction. I like most aspects of it. If you're in a shitty relationship just gtfo.
On April 09 2012 15:16 dAPhREAk wrote: sharing your life with someone else is always a good thing. friends are great, but there is a level of intimacy you can never achieve with them. besides, eventually you want to get married, right?
Maybe it is. If you had asked me this awhile ago, I would have said !(@(* love it's a stupid, useless concept, and everyone cheats anyway right?, but I love my girlfriend and she is also my best friend. (It sounds cheesy, I know, but that's really how I feel)
I'm not saying it's all sunshine, we fight all the times, and on some days I feel like utter crap due to how I feel about her, but that high that it can provide is completely irreplaceable and needs to be chased, imo.
.. not that you NEED someone to be happy.(several people who are this way have already expressed their opinion) I'm just saying that for *some* people, it IS a huge boon to their happiness.
Having a partner just means finding someone equally ugly as yourself.
I was always amazed at how it seem on TL that it was so cool to have a gf. It's an insecurity thing i guess. Where I live it's more of a choice than anything else, and wether or not you have found the someone you like.
I think that the people who say it's overrated are the ones who haven't been in a relationship or have been in bad relationships in the past. Finding that special person out there really adds something to your life that you won't be able to appreciate unless you have experienced it so I say it's not overrated.
all of these questions can only really be answered on a smaller scale, trying to find a general answer is a pointless task as people vary so much so you end up with a conclusion that takes everone into account but fits no-body.
It is like saying that, on average, everyone spends 4 weeks in prison. It is statistically right (being an average of the whole population) but it doesn't actually fit most people as most people don't even spend time in prison or, if they do, they spend longer than 4 weeks.
this applies especially to things like close relationships as it is one of the most individual parts of someone's life
Are you asking is having a girlfriend overrated or is it SEEN as overrated? The prompt says SEEN, but the content leads me to think it's the former...?
If it's SEEN, I have no idea, and wouldn't be interested since that's just a public poll.
If it's whether or not it actually is...that's not a yes or no question. It varies case by case of course, so how could any answer be helpful? There are way to many factors to consider. At what age? In what society? What kind of relationship is it? How are you judging, or rating having a girlfriend? For something to be overrated there must be, at least seemingly, a general consensus to the value of something, which then when analyzed is actually seen as overemphasizing said value... So who is generating the consensus? I'm not aware of any. As far as i'm concerned, having an attractive, smart, successful, and nice woman as a girlfriend would be great. However, dating someone quite the opposite wouldn't necessary be that great, no? So there seems to be another factor...the girl!
These people who answer with other questions like, "is living overrated"? "Is having a job overrated?", have no idea why they are saying that. They are the people who just do things, but don't ask why they are doing them (i.e. they are the people Day[9] tries to get you not to be. You should have a reason for what you're doing.
Honestly, the OP is poorly written, poorly defined, purposeless. The responses reflect that.
Imo it really depends on if you are actually friends with your girlfriend and just enjoy chillin out together contrary to just putting up with her so you can eventually "get to business"
wait so after ensuring you had a girlfriend you went out of your way to belittle singles with not only the fact that they are single but that they also lack maturity and are close-minded to life experiences?
I've been dating pretty much constantly for the last 4 years, I've been with 6 different girls over this time, and honestly, like someone said before, if you are under 25, girlfriends are very overrated (I am just turning 18).
The reason I say this is because the time and money investment is so large, when I think it's more important to look at your future. There is just this impression that people have that they need to have sex to be happy, and if they don't because they are following other goals they are losers. It's once you have a harsh break-up when you see how fragile everything is, and when you are young the chances of everything failing are so large, in my opinion it's not worth the trouble. If it's sexual desire you're after, you can go party, stuff happens pretty often...
A relationship though... I dunno it makes life less lonely, but you sacrifice a lot for it.
My biggest problem is i can't ever find women im attracted to, not just physically but personality mainly. I've only found 3 girls in the last 5 years i've ever been intrested, and guess what all 3 were already taken. I've tried to ask for help from friends to find a girl with, but it leads nowhere. I've tried to grow to like someone but that failed completely.
I've come to accept that being a lone isn't the worst thing in the world, sure I never get laid anymore but I'd rather wait for someone I really care for then feign and not enjoy a girls presence.
but it's better with a gf. or bf if that's your thing.
That doesn't even make any sense...
Sex generally is better with a girlfriend/boyfriend because you have the emotional attachment opposed to a fuck buddy or hooker. Also hookers aren't usually a way someone can have a healthy sex life unless they do have a lot of money to spare, as each night would cost a hundred or more dollars.
Friend's with benefits, say what you will, are not that easy to find for younger Starcraft people. It becomes more common once you get older, but in high-school it's rare because people are afraid to be called sluts, and usually the drug users are the stuff that participate in stuff like that. Starcraft players mostly smart and avid weed smokers, or more casual party people, or just nerds, regardless it isn't easy finding someone.
College and University lots of things change, but at that point you can start looking for someone you want to spend your life with.
but it's better with a gf. or bf if that's your thing.
That doesn't even make any sense...
Sex generally is better with a girlfriend/boyfriend because you have the emotional attachment opposed to a fuck buddy or hooker. Also hookers aren't usually a way someone can have a healthy sex life unless they do have a lot of money to spare, as each night would cost a hundred or more dollars.
Friend's with benefits, say what you will, are not that easy to find for younger Starcraft people. It becomes more common once you get older, but in high-school it's rare because people are afraid to be called sluts, and usually the drug users are the stuff that participate in stuff like that. Starcraft players mostly smart and avid weed smokers, or more casual party people, or just nerds, regardless it isn't easy finding someone.
College and University lots of things change, but at that point you can start looking for someone you want to spend your life with.
Yeah, but even you yourself completely refute the idea that sex is inherently better in a relation.
Some people are better at sex than others. A relationship doesn't change that.
It feels like these people are desperately trying to justify for themselves why their relationship is better than people who have one-night stands.
but it's better with a gf. or bf if that's your thing.
That doesn't even make any sense...
Sex generally is better with a girlfriend/boyfriend because you have the emotional attachment opposed to a fuck buddy or hooker. Also hookers aren't usually a way someone can have a healthy sex life unless they do have a lot of money to spare, as each night would cost a hundred or more dollars.
Friend's with benefits, say what you will, are not that easy to find for younger Starcraft people. It becomes more common once you get older, but in high-school it's rare because people are afraid to be called sluts, and usually the drug users are the stuff that participate in stuff like that. Starcraft players mostly smart and avid weed smokers, or more casual party people, or just nerds, regardless it isn't easy finding someone.
College and University lots of things change, but at that point you can start looking for someone you want to spend your life with.
Yeah, but even you yourself completely refute the idea that sex is inherently better in a relation.
Some people are better at sex than others. A relationship doesn't change that.
It feels like these people are desperately trying to justify for themselves why their relationship is better than people who have one-night stands.
Ok, if you're a badass and can bring a different girl home each night, go the fuck ahead and do that. However, 99% of men would rather just have the security and emotional stability of a relationship.
Also, if you're with someone for longer, they have more time to figure out what makes you feel best
but it's better with a gf. or bf if that's your thing.
That doesn't even make any sense...
Sex generally is better with a girlfriend/boyfriend because you have the emotional attachment opposed to a fuck buddy or hooker. Also hookers aren't usually a way someone can have a healthy sex life unless they do have a lot of money to spare, as each night would cost a hundred or more dollars.
Friend's with benefits, say what you will, are not that easy to find for younger Starcraft people. It becomes more common once you get older, but in high-school it's rare because people are afraid to be called sluts, and usually the drug users are the stuff that participate in stuff like that. Starcraft players mostly smart and avid weed smokers, or more casual party people, or just nerds, regardless it isn't easy finding someone.
College and University lots of things change, but at that point you can start looking for someone you want to spend your life with.
Yeah, but even you yourself completely refute the idea that sex is inherently better in a relation.
Some people are better at sex than others. A relationship doesn't change that.
It feels like these people are desperately trying to justify for themselves why their relationship is better than people who have one-night stands.
Ok, if you're a badass and can bring a different girl home each night, go the fuck ahead and do that. However, 99% of men would rather just have the security and emotional stability of a relationship.
Also, if you're with someone for longer, they have more time to figure out what makes you feel best
Did you just throw a tantrum for no other reason than someone disagreeing with the idea that a relationship is the end all, be all, of existence and hapiness?
As for the second half of your post:
"Casual relationship"
I am not saying that having a gf is bad, I am saying that they aren't magic, which some seem to consider such an outlandish statement that it makes them throw a tantrum.
*Also, 99% of men wouldn't prefer the security and emotional stablity of a relationship. If you have any more realistic statistics, feel free to make them up on the spot.
I think a relationship is an important part of life. I suppose one of the messages in the OP is that having a fictitious one for social status or bragging rights make it overrated, and that's true too. Still, for those deciding whether or not to go for it, my thoughts are usually that even if a relationship goes badly, at least you have a fun tale to share over a beer!
I don't think it's overrated, and would like to have a girlfriend if the right girl comes along, but I'm really in no hurry to find one. I'm positive it's not a confidence issue or anything, there are just other things that are taking up my time right now
If sex is all you care about, you don't need a gf/bf for that which is why I think that "casual relationships" are overrated. However being with someone in a "real relationship" with sex not being the only important thing (it's still important) is not overrated at all.
On April 09 2012 18:21 zalz wrote: Yeah, but even you yourself completely refute the idea that sex is inherently better in a relation.
Some people are better at sex than others. A relationship doesn't change that.
It feels like these people are desperately trying to justify for themselves why their relationship is better than people who have one-night stands.
Haha, better at sex? Well some people might more comfortable with their bodies than others, true, and simply more experienced in the art of moving, but to say that some are "better" than others...
People have certain preferences, certain sensibilities and certain fantasies. A better sexual experience happens when the partners are a good match, not when they reached level 16 in double-penetration. A one night-stand is pretty much hit or miss, while a relationship has the advantage to build something over time, getting to know each other better exploring your partner's body with attention. You won't fulfill any particular fantaisies in the toilets of a nightclub.
Each situation has certain advantages, but it's not a matter of being "better" or not.
It's not all about sex. It's a big part, and it's safer (I'm thinking STDs) with a girlfriend, and you might not believe it, but there are more important things. Like being woken up with coffee and breakfast. Comes with its downsides, like going outside in the snow at 11PM to get ice cream instead of starting the next game. Of course, not every relationship is like that, but I can only speak from personal experience. Overrated? See for yourself and make your own decision. It isn't a Nvidia vs ATI kind of thing, where you get the same product for the same money as everyone else.
Nope. Having a a good girlfriend is pretty fantastic.
And for all the people in a good relationship right now saying otherwise, it's one of those things you don't realize you've lost, until you've lost it.
Obviously dating some random slot you don't care about isn't a very big deal, but if you find a good girl, it's awesome.
but it's better with a gf. or bf if that's your thing.
That doesn't even make any sense...
Sex generally is better with a girlfriend/boyfriend because you have the emotional attachment opposed to a fuck buddy or hooker. Also hookers aren't usually a way someone can have a healthy sex life unless they do have a lot of money to spare, as each night would cost a hundred or more dollars.
Friend's with benefits, say what you will, are not that easy to find for younger Starcraft people. It becomes more common once you get older, but in high-school it's rare because people are afraid to be called sluts, and usually the drug users are the stuff that participate in stuff like that. Starcraft players mostly smart and avid weed smokers, or more casual party people, or just nerds, regardless it isn't easy finding someone.
College and University lots of things change, but at that point you can start looking for someone you want to spend your life with.
Yeah, but even you yourself completely refute the idea that sex is inherently better in a relation.
Some people are better at sex than others. A relationship doesn't change that.
It feels like these people are desperately trying to justify for themselves why their relationship is better than people who have one-night stands.
Ok, if you're a badass and can bring a different girl home each night, go the fuck ahead and do that. However, 99% of men would rather just have the security and emotional stability of a relationship.
Also, if you're with someone for longer, they have more time to figure out what makes you feel best
Did you just throw a tantrum for no other reason than someone disagreeing with the idea that a relationship is the end all, be all, of existence and hapiness?
As for the second half of your post:
"Casual relationship"
I am not saying that having a gf is bad, I am saying that they aren't magic, which some seem to consider such an outlandish statement that it makes them throw a tantrum.
*Also, 99% of men wouldn't prefer the security and emotional stablity of a relationship. If you have any more realistic statistics, feel free to make them up on the spot.
This conversation is extremely interesting.
I guess it all depends on the person and their character traits.
I personally believe that having friends with benefits is not a bad thing at all (although I don't have one). I attempt to support my statement by the fact that, well, YOLO, right ? AND, like I said in my OP, people are naturally attracted to each other. So if you have the means to have an exciting, thrilling sex life, please go ahead. It's also something you should be proud of, once again because not everyone is able to, including me, lead such a life.
Yet again, I DO have a girlfriend who is practically my soulmate (maybe you may have caught a hint when reading my post !) and that is why I would discourage people with very good relationships to attempt anything that might make your significant other feel betrayed.
However, I do respect the pride that people take in having active sexual lives. LIVE YOUNG !
And about sex performance, there definitely is a degree of skill. Don't tell me you were the same as when you had sex for the first time, Everyone begins at the bottom, and climb their way up ! It's just that this measure is not "linear" - some are good at one specific skill while another is better at another part. You know what I'm talking about. However it all boils down to satisfying your partner, and it seems every girl has a penchant for something different ! e.g. some want rough while others want soft etc etc. So it's mostly about finding out what fits your partner best.
On April 09 2012 16:21 skyrunner wrote: [quote] yeah you need to have a gf for that...
Not necessarily...
Trust me you don't have to have a gf to do that.
but it's better with a gf. or bf if that's your thing.
That doesn't even make any sense...
Sex generally is better with a girlfriend/boyfriend because you have the emotional attachment opposed to a fuck buddy or hooker. Also hookers aren't usually a way someone can have a healthy sex life unless they do have a lot of money to spare, as each night would cost a hundred or more dollars.
Friend's with benefits, say what you will, are not that easy to find for younger Starcraft people. It becomes more common once you get older, but in high-school it's rare because people are afraid to be called sluts, and usually the drug users are the stuff that participate in stuff like that. Starcraft players mostly smart and avid weed smokers, or more casual party people, or just nerds, regardless it isn't easy finding someone.
College and University lots of things change, but at that point you can start looking for someone you want to spend your life with.
Yeah, but even you yourself completely refute the idea that sex is inherently better in a relation.
Some people are better at sex than others. A relationship doesn't change that.
It feels like these people are desperately trying to justify for themselves why their relationship is better than people who have one-night stands.
Ok, if you're a badass and can bring a different girl home each night, go the fuck ahead and do that. However, 99% of men would rather just have the security and emotional stability of a relationship.
Also, if you're with someone for longer, they have more time to figure out what makes you feel best
Did you just throw a tantrum for no other reason than someone disagreeing with the idea that a relationship is the end all, be all, of existence and hapiness?
As for the second half of your post:
"Casual relationship"
I am not saying that having a gf is bad, I am saying that they aren't magic, which some seem to consider such an outlandish statement that it makes them throw a tantrum.
*Also, 99% of men wouldn't prefer the security and emotional stablity of a relationship. If you have any more realistic statistics, feel free to make them up on the spot.
This conversation is extremely interesting.
I guess it all depends on the person and their character traits.
I personally believe that having friends with benefits is not a bad thing at all (although I don't have one). I attempt to support my statement by the fact that, well, YOLO, right ? AND, like I said in my OP, people are naturally attracted to each other. So if you have the means to have an exciting, thrilling sex life, please go ahead. It's also something you should be proud of, once again because not everyone is able to, including me, lead such a life.
Yet again, I DO have a girlfriend who is practically my soulmate (maybe you may have caught a hint when reading my post !) and that is why I would discourage people with very good relationships to attempt anything that might make your significant other feel betrayed.
However, I do respect the pride that people take in having active sexual lives. LIVE YOUNG !
And about sex performance, there definitely is a degree of skill. Don't tell me you were the same as when you had sex for the first time, Everyone begins at the bottom, and climb their way up ! It's just that this measure is not "linear" - some are good at one specific skill while another is better at another part. You know what I'm talking about. However it all boils down to satisfying your partner, and it seems every girl has a penchant for something different ! e.g. some want rough while others want soft etc etc. So it's mostly about finding out what fits your partner best.
But in the end the entire discussion seems somewhat wrong.
Some people are overjoyed at the prospect of being in a relationship, whilst others feel strangled after only a week.
So which is better? It is the wrong question.
If a relationship is better for 99% of the people, does that mean that last 1% should adapt and become monogamous? What about the people that like being in a relationship, but also want to have sex with other people? Not cheating behind the back of their partner, but just an open relationship.
People, and on TL more than in most places, are obsessed with being normal. End of the day, it doesn't matter if the entire world is happy with a relationship, what does that change if you are the one person who can't be happy in a relationship?
Love and sex are just so incredibly private, but also crucial, that it feels ridiculous that people should adapt.
You stated in the start that you believe that being in a relationship is a sign of a certain maturity. But what about the people that can't be happy in a monogamous relationship? Must they choose between this 'maturity' and hapiness?
And by what decree can you claim that a relationship says anything about a person? If a person has friends, does that mean he is a likeable person? The vast majority of people I met have friends, are they all likeable? I don't like all of them.
Relationships are the standard right now, so of course people are going to view that as the most healthy type of love and are going to attach all sorts of positive attributes to it, because being normal is the pinacle of existence for most people.
But if you take a step back and objectively look at relationships, what makes them good?
Is it the unspoken social contract that two people will agree to spend time with one another and have an exclusive relationship?
Or is it the love upon which it is build? But love is a vague concept that means different things for different people. You may feel love when you are in a relationship and sharing your life with a significant other. Another person might feel love when going out and having one night stands. Another might get that very same feeling of love when in a casual relationship.
Hell, some people feel that feeling of love when someone is standing over them in SM-gear, dripping hot wax on their chest.
What does that tell us about a person's inherent worth, values or morals? Nothing. Which is better? None.
What love is best? What personality is best? What hobby is best?
Like I said, the majority will always dictate what is 'best' in the eyes of the public, after all, they are the public. But love shouldn't be dictated by public policy, nor should it be disrespected by claiming that one is greater and another is lesser, or that some forms come with inherent values whilst others posses inherent detriments to a persons character.
So what form of love is best? I can only tell you what love is best for me, and you can say what is best for you. It might sound hippy-ish, but at the core isn't live-let-live, it is individualism and striving for what makes you happy, not striving for what society dictates should make you happy.
On April 09 2012 16:35 FractalsOnFire wrote: [quote]
Not necessarily...
Trust me you don't have to have a gf to do that.
but it's better with a gf. or bf if that's your thing.
That doesn't even make any sense...
Sex generally is better with a girlfriend/boyfriend because you have the emotional attachment opposed to a fuck buddy or hooker. Also hookers aren't usually a way someone can have a healthy sex life unless they do have a lot of money to spare, as each night would cost a hundred or more dollars.
Friend's with benefits, say what you will, are not that easy to find for younger Starcraft people. It becomes more common once you get older, but in high-school it's rare because people are afraid to be called sluts, and usually the drug users are the stuff that participate in stuff like that. Starcraft players mostly smart and avid weed smokers, or more casual party people, or just nerds, regardless it isn't easy finding someone.
College and University lots of things change, but at that point you can start looking for someone you want to spend your life with.
Yeah, but even you yourself completely refute the idea that sex is inherently better in a relation.
Some people are better at sex than others. A relationship doesn't change that.
It feels like these people are desperately trying to justify for themselves why their relationship is better than people who have one-night stands.
Ok, if you're a badass and can bring a different girl home each night, go the fuck ahead and do that. However, 99% of men would rather just have the security and emotional stability of a relationship.
Also, if you're with someone for longer, they have more time to figure out what makes you feel best
Did you just throw a tantrum for no other reason than someone disagreeing with the idea that a relationship is the end all, be all, of existence and hapiness?
As for the second half of your post:
"Casual relationship"
I am not saying that having a gf is bad, I am saying that they aren't magic, which some seem to consider such an outlandish statement that it makes them throw a tantrum.
*Also, 99% of men wouldn't prefer the security and emotional stablity of a relationship. If you have any more realistic statistics, feel free to make them up on the spot.
This conversation is extremely interesting.
I guess it all depends on the person and their character traits.
I personally believe that having friends with benefits is not a bad thing at all (although I don't have one). I attempt to support my statement by the fact that, well, YOLO, right ? AND, like I said in my OP, people are naturally attracted to each other. So if you have the means to have an exciting, thrilling sex life, please go ahead. It's also something you should be proud of, once again because not everyone is able to, including me, lead such a life.
Yet again, I DO have a girlfriend who is practically my soulmate (maybe you may have caught a hint when reading my post !) and that is why I would discourage people with very good relationships to attempt anything that might make your significant other feel betrayed.
However, I do respect the pride that people take in having active sexual lives. LIVE YOUNG !
And about sex performance, there definitely is a degree of skill. Don't tell me you were the same as when you had sex for the first time, Everyone begins at the bottom, and climb their way up ! It's just that this measure is not "linear" - some are good at one specific skill while another is better at another part. You know what I'm talking about. However it all boils down to satisfying your partner, and it seems every girl has a penchant for something different ! e.g. some want rough while others want soft etc etc. So it's mostly about finding out what fits your partner best.
But in the end the entire discussion seems somewhat wrong.
Some people are overjoyed at the prospect of being in a relationship, whilst others feel strangled after only a week.
So which is better? It is the wrong question.
If a relationship is better for 99% of the people, does that mean that last 1% should adapt and become monogamous? What about the people that like being in a relationship, but also want to have sex with other people? Not cheating behind the back of their partner, but just an open relationship.
People, and on TL more than in most places, are obsessed with being normal. End of the day, it doesn't matter if the entire world is happy with a relationship, what does that change if you are the one person who can't be happy in a relationship?
Love and sex are just so incredibly private, but also crucial, that it feels ridiculous that people should adapt.
You stated in the start that you believe that being in a relationship is a sign of a certain maturity. But what about the people that can't be happy in a monogamous relationship? Must they choose between this 'maturity' and hapiness?
And by what decree can you claim that a relationship says anything about a person? If a person has friends, does that mean he is a likeable person? The vast majority of people I met have friends, are they all likeable? I don't like all of them.
Relationships are the standard right now, so of course people are going to view that as the most healthy type of love and are going to attach all sorts of positive attributes to it, because being normal is the pinacle of existence for most people.
But if you take a step back and objectively look at relationships, what makes them good?
Is it the unspoken social contract that two people will agree to spend time with one another and have an exclusive relationship?
Or is it the love upon which it is build? But love is a vague concept that means different things for different people. You may feel love when you are in a relationship and sharing your life with a significant other. Another person might feel love when going out and having one night stands. Another might get that very same feeling of love when in a casual relationship.
Hell, some people feel that feeling of love when someone is standing over them in SM-gear, dripping hot wax on their chest.
What does that tell us about a person's inherent worth, values or morals? Nothing. Which is better? None.
What love is best? What personality is best? What hobby is best?
Like I said, the majority will always dictate what is 'best' in the eyes of the public, after all, they are the public. But love shouldn't be dictated by public policy, nor should it be disrespected by claiming that one is greater and another is lesser, or that some forms come with inherent values whilst others posses inherent detriments to a persons character.
So what form of love is best? I can only tell you what love is best for me, and you can say what is best for you. It might sound hippy-ish, but at the core isn't live-let-live, it is individualism and striving for what makes you happy, not striving for what society dictates should make you happy.
You are right in every argument you made.
I have never intended to, and never will, try to change someone's mind. I'm not quite sure which part of my post you are criticising by making your bold statements (seeing how you quoted me), but in my OP I remind you that I presented my opinion while acknowledging my bias and subjectivity, and offered others to post their opinions in the hopes of finding out what others think of this matter and whether it is necessary to change one's mind.
As you say, the notion of love may be different for every person. However, there definitely a reason why people are so pro-monogamity - probably because there is something beautiful and advantageous to this.
I also did state in my OP that maturity can be reached through other experiences. However, having relationships is one way of experiencing something fantastic and disastrous and learning from your mistakes, because, believe me, everyone makes mistakes sometime during a relationship. I'm just saying having a lover is a positive thing, in my opinion, especially if you find the right one for you.
On April 09 2012 15:54 RosaParksStoleMySeat wrote: Companionship is something that is never overrated. I'm not afraid to admit that I need a woman in my life if I want to be optimally happy. If I don't have a girlfriend I can be content with how everything's going, and of course enjoy my time with friends, but I'd really rather just have somebody close to me.
Really?
'Cause I enjoy being alone more than anything. Having been alone for as long as I have, I find it incredibly exhilarating when I'm bored with myself, 'cause then I start thinking, and that leads to a lot of random, cool insights more often than not. I'm actually very, very happy with my solo life, and, I don't think being in a relationship with someone could possibly make it any better, perhaps different, but not better.
Different strokes for different folks, I suppose...
But it does interest me that some people have a need of companionship to be happy.
EPT
and also being rather busy and focusing on other aspects of my life.
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