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I suppose there comes a time in every person's life when they must step forth into the ethereal world of romance, of love, of the unearthly things which drive our souls in such confounding ways—and, perhaps, my time has come. For heretofore I have lived a life primarily of quietness, of calm isolation from the outside world which has granted me the privilege of a calm serenity that few my age (17) can appreciate. Yet I cannot resist the call of the world and its people, and indeed I find myself trapped—trapped in a cage entirely of my own making, the words which I so desperately desire to shout quelled by my too-complacent soul.
The situation is as follows: I, meguca, am in my twelfth year of American high school. Up until now, I have essentially ignored all social functions whatsoever, preferring the quiet life of an introvert. While those around me have been attending school dances and parties and whatnot, I have stayed at home, practicing piano and reading books or drinking tea with some close, like-minded friends. Now, however, perhaps for the first time in my life, I find that I wish to break free from these habits. It is almost time for the dance known as "prom"—the final one of my high school years, I believe, and an opportunity which I do not wish to go to waste.
There is a particular person—of the opposite gender—towards whom I find that I have taken an interest. We have known each other for approximately two or three years now, but it has only been in the past year and a half that we have truly spoken to each other with any degree of frequency. It seems, then, as though the rational step would be to inquire if she would wish to accompany me to the aforementioned event, and that is indeed precisely my intention.
However, it is quite difficult. These are our characteristics:
Me: male, introverted, Asian (Chinese), proficient in mathematics and science (but not competitive at a national or international level), amateur at piano
Her: female, introverted, Asian (S. Korean), proficient in piano performance (at the level of participation in international competitions)
Classes shared: none
We communicate primarily through Facebook Chat, often speaking with each other through the late hours of the night (3-5 AM). However, we are both somewhat deficient in the art of social communication, it seems; although we are often eager to speak over online chat, sharing personal troubles and emotions, we scarcely speak in real life. That, too, is not so much on account of the lack of time which we share together but more due to our extreme introversion; more times than I can remember, we have been within proximity to each other for a nontrivial amount of time but neither of us have managed to even say 'hello' to the other. I have noticed that it is not so much of a problem when others are around, as we have held conversations in real life before, but in situations where we are surrounded by medium to large amounts of people, we tend to act as though the other person is not there at all.
How, then, am I to make this request of her, when I can scarcely bring myself to speak to her in real life? (Do not take this for a lack of communication; my chat logs with her amount to several megabytes, which is by no means a massive amount but most certainly nothing to scoff at. Considering the length, number, and content of our conversations, I would consider us to be, at the least, very good friends.) Moreover, I am not nearly as good at piano as she is, and so I cannot even capitalize upon our shared interest of piano performance—suffice it to say that, in comparison to her skill level, any attempt I make to play the piano near her would be quite embarrassing (not that she would deliver scathing criticism or anything but more so because I would know that I am playing at a level quite far under hers).
I truly know not what course of action to take... I am currently in the process of ascertaining her precise weekly schedule so as to create more "chance" encounters at opportune times and locations.
Moreover, although I would greatly enjoy participation in a sustained relationship, I do not know if it would even be worth my time, considering that next year she will be departing for either a top conservatory or an Ivy League university.
Forgive my contrived, confusing, and artificial style of writing. It makes it easier for me to relate my thoughts and to ask for help; the experience of sharing these innermost thoughts is absolutely foreign to me, and even writing about them in this manner is, while in a sense somewhat cathartic, also supremely discomfiting and unsettling. It is the only way in which I can even bring myself to ask an online community for assistance regarding these matters.
  
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If you want something you’ve never had, you must do something you’ve never done.
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for some reason I read that entire blog in a Patrick Stewart voice...
but as essencez pointed out, you need to do something you have never done before, and that takes balls. You and that girl you are talking about seem to be very shy, so it will have to take one of you to break the ice of real life conversation. So what I would suggest is just stop ignoring her and talk in real life as well. She obviously likes you so just be a man and take the lead.
And remember: missed opportunities are one of the greatest regrets one can have.
EDIT: are you planning on keeping this blog updated or are you just looking for a one time advice?
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I will keep this blog updated.
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Aotearoa39261 Posts
On April 05 2012 19:03 essencez wrote:
If you want something you’ve never had, you must do something you’ve never done.
good quote
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OK then were gonna make this happen. How much time left until your prom?
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I believe I have around two months or so.
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Should be more then enough time. Could you tell us a bit more about what shes like? I understand that she in introverted but how is she in school? Does she hang out mostly on her own or does she have her own little clique? Does she like anything other than the things you mentioned? And is she a girly girl (who likes flowers and puppies etc.) or more manly (as in, focused on a certain goal and doesnt like to fuck around etc.)?
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Girl Blog!
I truly know not what course of action to take... I am currently in the process of ascertaining her precise weekly schedule so as to create more "chance" encounters at opportune times and locations.
Don't. This is creepy. But chances are you already share a class with her where you go to lunch at the same time. Accept that she's much better than you but also accept that she might not care. On the way to lunch, pull her over and ask to talk to her. You may become a blustering idiot but you have to ask her out if you do this.
If you don't ask her out you'll end up replying to girl blogs on TL at 7AM in University, regretting that decision ever since. jk jk, the girl I wanted to ask out got mono and stayed home for like two months 
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On April 05 2012 18:54 meguca wrote:
However, it is quite difficult. These are our characteristics:
Me: male, introverted, Asian (Chinese), proficient in mathematics and science (but not competitive at a national or international level), amateur at piano
Her: female, introverted, Asian (S. Korean), proficient in piano performance (at the level of participation in international competitions)
Classes shared: none
Makes it sound like a roleplaying game. You can speak right? just ask her to her face. I know you're shy and introverted, if you really need to do some practice in front of a mirror. Even if you bumble your way through the prom invite, just get the words out, it'll sound cute to her anyway. She's probably hanging out for you to ask.
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Wow, that sounded really pretentious, but I remember the first time I had to use my balls for something, so I can sympathize of sorts.
Just go up to her, at the very least she's a great friend and you can tell her anything. Girls are very nice people, it's not like telling your mates things, she will end up taking it well. if she feels the same, it will go exactly how you want it to, guaranteed. If she doesn't, then you know where you stand.
The moment you lose confidence in yourself, is the moment the world loses it's confidence in you.
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On April 05 2012 19:59 Cyber_Cheese wrote:
Wow, that sounded really pretentious, but I remember the first time I had to use my balls for something, so I can sympathize of sorts.
Just go up to her, at the very least she's a great friend and you can tell her anything. Girls are very nice people, it's not like telling your mates things, she will end up taking it well. if she feels the same, it will go exactly how you want it to, guaranteed. If she doesn't, then you know where you stand.
The moment you lose confidence in yourself, is the moment the world loses it's confidence in you.
loving them quotes bro :p
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You two have much in common and you are on really good terms. Ask her out! I have the feeling that your chances are pretty good.
Moreover, I am not nearly as good at piano as she is, and so I cannot even capitalize upon our shared interest of piano performance—suffice it to say that, in comparison to her skill level, any attempt I make to play the piano near her would be quite embarrassing
You're proficient in mathematics and science, not in playing the piano, so it's not a problem at all that you don't play the piano nearly as good as she does. I take it that you enjoy listening/playing the piano - that's great, that's awesome! You don't have to be ten times better than her. It's enough that you can appreciate her talent and talk about it.
Or would you only date girls that are better in StarCraft than you?
Moreover, although I would greatly enjoy participation in a sustained relationship, I do not know if it would even be worth my time, considering that next year she will be departing for either a top conservatory or an Ivy League university.
Why do you think about a sustained relationship when you didn't even ask her out yet? If you back off now thinking it wouldn't even be worth it you'll regret it, trust me!
Ahhh~ you make me want to punch baby seals. Ask her out!
I'll be rowing with a canoe through the Northwest Passage to cool off. If you haven't asked her out by the time I reach Victoria Island - I swear to God - I'll go and search for some baby seals!
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Estonia4644 Posts
On April 05 2012 19:03 essencez wrote:
If you want something you’ve never had, you must do something you’ve never done.
my god this is a good quote indeed :OO
go for it
do what you must
take the reins, show some initiative
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I could tell this was written by an asian dude by the first sentence
just don'tgiveafuck, ask her out
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On April 05 2012 19:03 essencez wrote:
If you want something you’ve never had, you must do something you’ve never done.
Brilliant my friend. Brilliant.
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I felt like reading a modern Shakespeare or something, the language in the OP, woah woah.
Now now, as I usually do, I will write a detailed and analytical response to your well-written thread. I know it, you know it, and we the TL girl blog hunters know that a genuinely written blog deserves replies that are just as good. You feed the internet world with the heart-wrenching drama and we are satisfied for a little bit - and then we move on to yet another girl blog, but that's another story.
So, let's talk about this introverted shy innocent musically talented goddess of yours. Already I've a mistake in that first sentence - she is not a goddess, she is every bit human as you are! I must admit that musical talent is so fucking sexy because I personally dated a introverted pianist before and I probably know what you see in her. Anyway, she's just a person and the key is that she's probably eager to find a prom partner as well. Even at the worst scenario I'd say she's curious about the possibility. You have to see her as a girl (a woman, if you will) and not a mythical object of untouchable holiness.
Megabytes of chat logs mean NOTHING. Fine, if I wanted to make something out of that, it means SUPER-FRIENDZONE. Yes. You've heard of the dreadful friendzone before. Whether you believe in it is another story, but let me put it this way, on the internet you are just another intelligent responding machine. Another way to put it: internet friends. Hey, even the automatic response bots you can find online can do just as good, and sometime they're even wittier than real life people. The point here is, you need real life conversations. Same high school, right? Go have lunch with her. Have a coffee with her after school. Maybe she likes playing cards. I think it would be rather awkward if you bluntly asked her to the prom at this stage when you two aren't even comfortable sitting across each other face-to-face.
You said your piano performance is not at her level, but I think you're proficient enough to play the second part of a typical 4-hand arrangement, no? Look into some of the easier 4-hand arrangements (that means two people play a duet on one piano, hence 4 hands on 1 piano). I don't mean to impose some stereotype on you or the larger group thereof, but being an Asian amateur musician in high school means you know where to find sheet music for free. I don't recommend this kind of stuff for general girl blogs, but for this special circumstance, I think doing a musical activity together may help bring down the awkward barriers between you two. For example... if you know about the movie "Secret" by Jay Chou (yes lol I watched that and I played all the pieces from it), there is a 4-hand duet in the movie that is not that difficult to play.
It's April already, and prom is probably only a month or two away. So you gotta put things into motion right away. Timeline-wise, you should be talking to her this week and getting comfortable next week, and asking her to the prom (or even better, asking her to be your girlfriend) at the end of next week. I don't know about your (or your girl's) religious preferences, but making big emotional steps in the Easter weekend is not my safe bet. So aim for end of next week, but NO LATER than end of next week.
Keep us updated, and good luck!
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Look into some of the easier 4-hand arrangements (that means two people play a duet on one piano, hence 4 hands on 1 piano). I don't mean to impose some stereotype on you or the larger group thereof, but being an Asian amateur musician in high school means you know where to find sheet music for free. I don't recommend this kind of stuff for general girl blogs, but for this special circumstance, I think doing a musical activity together may help bring down the awkward barriers between you two. For example... if you know about the movie "Secret" by Jay Chou (yes lol I watched that and I played all the pieces from it), there is a 4-hand duet in the movie that is not that difficult to play.
This makes me cringe. It seems so cliché and it'll probably end up being super-awkward. If talking to her is already difficult, how should he bring up the courage to ask her for a piano duet with intertwining hands. I know that scene was really cute, but if he can pull off something like that, he wouldn't ask for help.
Megabytes of chat logs mean NOTHING. Fine, if I wanted to make something out of that, it means SUPER-FRIENDZONE. Yes. You've heard of the dreadful friendzone before. Whether you believe in it is another story, but let me put it this way, on the internet you are just another intelligent responding machine. Another way to put it: internet friends. Hey, even the automatic response bots you can find online can do just as good, and sometime they're even wittier than real life people. The point here is, you need real life conversations.
I agree that long chatting-sessions don't necessarily mean that she's got a crush on you. But it doesn't mean that she only sees you as a friend. And I don't think that you're just 'another intelligent responding machine'. The fact that you two chat for so long shows that you have a personality that's interesting to her. And that could be just plain platonic or even more...
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You should really consider writing something. I absolutely like your wording, phrasing, structure.
To the matter at hand I can only advise you to simply ask her out. You can do it either via Facebook Chat where she would be given enough time to react. Or, if you feel like you can do that, you should really just talk to her.
Following my experience the reason why you don't talk much in public, but only on chat is exactly that: You both know you like each other, but have trouble having a face-to-face conversation because of the fear of being somehow rejected. It is time to break the boundary.
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Calgary25980 Posts
On April 05 2012 19:03 essencez wrote:
If you want something you’ve never had, you must do something you’ve never done.
Awesome quote 
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how bout this little pearl of wisdom shared with by none other then mr Shakur:
A weak man does what he can, a real man does what he want.
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I foresee a great journey, my good man. The aforementioned ministrel would surely regard you with disdain, but fear not : truth could never be found in such a foul language. Female companionship is but the expression of earthly desires. Actions do not matter. Thine mycrocossmos is a rich place, dareth not wandering outside, or thine heart shall be instilled with fear.
Aye, may be moons will pass before ye are given the chance to share a piece of Bach's "well-tempered clavier", but our life is a long one.
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On April 05 2012 19:03 essencez wrote:
If you want something you’ve never had, you must do something you’ve never done.
this quote just completely warped the fabric of my mind
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Ask her out.
Not because it will work, but because she will shoot you down. Then, a few months down the road, when you realize your heart is in fact still beating, you will learn the valuable lesson that love isn't that big of a fucking deal.
I don't like to blame Hollywood for everything, but they are certainly to blame for this distorted view of love that (mostly) young males have.
Ask her out. Learn to deal with women now. It is going to save you a ton of headache down the road, because you are only going to keep making a bigger deal out of it than it really is.
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Ask her if she likes you/wants to go out/whatever soon. If she says she only sees you as a friend, don't sweat it and start acting weird and you can probably still be friends but try to get over it and find somebody else quickly and you'll be okay. Let her know you're interested in her.
I also don't recommend pulling any weird "romantic" stunt or anything like that. Just talk to her. If u get rejected it's good because then you learn how to deal with that and move on. Most guys who get friendzoned only get friendzoned because they never straight up tell girls they wanna go out or that they're interested in them and expect girls to pick up on all these weird signals and implications and get mad that a relationship doesn't just happen like it does in anime. dont be that guy
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Clearly, I think that the answer is that you must become competitive at the international level in math to impress her.
(Seriously, why did you even mention those traits?)
Realistically, since you mentioned that you're probably not going to end up at the same school after high school, you really have nothing to lose. Try to enjoy a fleeting moment.
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“If you want something you’ve never had, you must be willing to do something you’ve never done.”
― Thomas Jefferson
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I must say that I'm surprised at how coherent my original post turned out given that I wrote it in at 3 AM on practically no sleep.
Thank you, everyone, for the kind and thoughtful replies. I have been reading them throughout the day, and now that I am finally at home, comfortably ensconced within my double blankets with my laptop in front of me, it is time for an update.
This past week I have paid particular attention to the people around me, trying to locate this girl within the crowded hallways―but to no avail. I have been intending to ask her if she would like to have lunch with me on the weekend, but when I cannot even speak to her in person, what am I to do? Hopefully, I will be able to see her tomorrow, as she sometimes stops by after my math class ends―but if not, then what? Shall I resort to inviting her to lunch over online chat, if all else fails? (We are on break from school next week, so neither of us will have any opportunity to see each other if we do not make plans to do so.) I truly, truly wish to spend time with her... but she is truly elusive.
At any rate, a couple of days ago, I had a small conversation with her regarding the topic of prom. I inquired if she thought that anybody from our grade would ask her, and she replied that she "doubted it ... knowing [her] luck with guys". However, she did mention that she was anticipating that someone from our grade who she rather dislikes might try to ask her, and if he indeed does do so, she has prepared a way to 'escape' from the situation. Moreover, she expressed a desire to attend the event with someone, remarking that since she doubted anyone from our grade would ask her, she would have to ask someone not from our grade (as, apparently, senior girls should only ask people who are underclassmen or high school graduates). She went on to say that she "chose the underclass guy [she] might ask solely for his ability to make everything less awkward and more fun", particularly stating that she did not wish me to make "assumptions" regarding this person―in particular, she did not want me to "assume" that she "liked" this person. Regardless, is this a point of concern? I am unsure how I should approach this situation. Moreover, to complicate matters, she said that she "might not ask him if [she] decides to ask [her] college friend instead"―a person about whom she has divulged almost no information save for this tantalizing yet mysterious statement.
People of Team Liquid, I beseech you―help.
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She's saying that if you aren't smart enough to ask her by then, she's going to ask a friend, just so she won't have to go alone.
You won't be rejected, I can actually guarantee it.
If at any point you don't think you can do it,
'Fine, don't believe in yourself. Believe in the me that believes in you!' - Kamina
Was hoping to find a video of kaminas believe quotes, that would have been awesome
Btw: How is that an update, if the words are from before the OP :/
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Just ask her asap
worst thing she can say is no
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It really makes me cringe to hear someone say something like... "well she's better than me at x therefore I cannot use x as something we have in common." Seriously?
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Most people here are giving pretty bad advice. I think the context of his relationship, his background, his personality (and hers) all need to be taken into account. I maintain that I am better able to envision the situation that most others since it seems like he and I share similar backgrounds and personality.
While "just asking her out" might be the logical and sound step for most people his age, I don't think this is a particularly good suggestion in this slightly unusual context. Instead, I recommend that you make a conscious effort to gradually shift your online chats to real life conversations. You don't have to rush this process but I think it's a critical change you need to make. This will allow you to develop a more natural relationship with her both online and real life. Once this happens, and if you continue to make good connections with her in real life, actually asking her out to a prom might even become trivial.
Awesome writing style btw... kind of reminds me of my old writing style, except mine was quite more stilted.
PS. Some ideas for real life encounters: ask her to teach you some piano. Most proficient pianists (including myself) like teaching others and it might be less awkward than always to talk about random stuff. When this does happen, try to sit next to her on the bench and try to initiate (NATURALLY not like a creeper) some physical contact.
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You should consider learning Korean...and get her to teach it to you :D :D :D
[If she knows about Starcraft, that is]
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On April 06 2012 10:18 XDJuicebox wrote:
You should consider learning Korean...and get her to teach it to you :D :D :D
[If she knows about Starcraft, that is]
let's hope this method goes better for him than it went for you
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On April 06 2012 09:48 phosphorylation wrote:
Most people here are giving pretty bad advice. I think the context of his relationship, his background, his personality (and hers) all need to be taken into account. I maintain that I am better able to envision the situation that most others since it seems like he and I share similar backgrounds and personality.
While "just asking her out" might be the logical and sound step for most people his age, I don't think this is a particularly good suggestion in this slightly unusual context. Instead, I recommend that you make an effort to gradually shift your online chats to real life conversations. You don't have to rush this process but I think it's an important change you need to make. This will allow you to develop a more natural relationship with her both online and real life. Once this happens, and if you continue to make good connections with her in real life, actually asking her out to a prom might even become trivial.
Awesome writing style btw... kind of reminds me of my old writing style, except mine was quite more stilted.
PS. Some ideas for real life encounters: ask her to teach you some piano. Most proficient pianists (including myself) like teaching others and it might be less awkward than always to talk about random stuff. When this does happen, try to sit next to her on the bench and try to initiate (NATURALLY not like a creeper) some physical contact.
when u don't make a move or let your intentions be known for a super long time that's how you get friendzoned
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That holds true for many people but it isn't ALWAYS true -- especially when both parties in question are introverted Asians. Advice should always be tailored to the given context and background.
Plus, I am telling him to make a move, albeit gradually and subtly.
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I can't stop laughing at how well written a girl blog is, of all things to be posted in the blog section.
I'm not qualified to give you advice on what to do, but I agree with everyone else's mentality that doing nothing is the worst thing you can do.
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United States22883 Posts
On April 06 2012 09:48 phosphorylation wrote:
Most people here are giving pretty bad advice. I think the context of his relationship, his background, his personality (and hers) all need to be taken into account. I maintain that I am better able to envision the situation that most others since it seems like he and I share similar backgrounds and personality.
While "just asking her out" might be the logical and sound step for most people his age, I don't think this is a particularly good suggestion in this slightly unusual context. Instead, I recommend that you make a conscious effort to gradually shift your online chats to real life conversations. You don't have to rush this process but I think it's a critical change you need to make. This will allow you to develop a more natural relationship with her both online and real life. Once this happens, and if you continue to make good connections with her in real life, actually asking her out to a prom might even become trivial. This is how you get friendzoned 90% of the time. Be direct, maybe clever (like the sign guy) and sweet.
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On April 06 2012 10:37 phosphorylation wrote:
That holds true for many people but it isn't ALWAYS true -- especially when both parties in question are introverted Asians. Advice should always be tailored to the given context and background.
Plus, I am telling him to make a move, albeit gradually and subtly.
the things this guy are saying are a lot like all my abc friends and they always get friendzoned or think theyre getting "betrayed" by girls when theyre really not because theyre so passive/indirect all the time and make too many assumptions
if it backfires at least he learned how to be assertive and direct which will help him more down the road unless he only ever thinks he will be interested in a passive asian girl for the rest of his life
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being direct doesn't mean you have to be pushy or brash or anything, just tell people how you feel
when youre honest with people they open up to you more and you get to learn quickly what they really think.
think how disappointing it is to hide your feelings from a girl for months and THEN get rejected, especially when she said "yeah why didnt u tell me earlier, i like someone else now" (something that happened to me a lot in highschool). when you hide it you build it up in your head that whole time, fantasizing about your relationship and you tend to get oneitis/obsessed. then you get rejected and you have to deal with the pain of losing something you've built up in your head for so long
when you are direct sooner and honest about your feelings you get to know right away if it might go somewhere or not. and even if it sucks at first, you will get over it MUCH easier and imo you are more likely to succeed by being honest with your feelings right away (showing confidence and interest which is attractive to women) than you are by hiding it for a long time and being the "friend" and trying to transition
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United States22883 Posts
Being direct and assertive, even if it doesn't come naturally to you, is a life long skill you should learn to develop. It prevents a lot of angst, resentment and passive aggressiveness throughout ALL parts of your life. The fact that, as an introvert, you went out of your way to grab her attention and potentially embarrass yourself in public, may actually make you more endearing to her.
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I checked my phone and apparently I have her phone number! Alright, I will ask her out tomorrow. Either I'll talk to her at school, or I'll give her a call afterwards.
I have to do this. I may succeed, or I may fail, but everyone is right―I just have to go for it.
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United States22883 Posts
A wise friend once told me it's better to be 0/1 than 0/0.
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On April 06 2012 07:52 meguca wrote:
At any rate, a couple of days ago, I had a small conversation with her regarding the topic of prom. I inquired if she thought that anybody from our grade would ask her, and she replied that she "doubted it ... knowing [her] luck with guys". [more text...]
People of Team Liquid, I beseech you―help.
- You had a conversation with her regarding prom.
- She basically revealed to you that she wants to go with someone and she doesn't have a date yet.
- Did the thought of "asking her right there" ever cross your mind?
Don't fall behind in this game any longer. Do you honestly think asking the internet and waiting for like 20 responses then taking the average of those then doing something that's overly well thought out but poorly executed will increase your chances? Let me tell you (if you haven't figured it out yet) that nobody here is going to write out an entire movie script just so you can ask her out at the perfect moment. Hell, a lot of shy guys find it difficult to even bring up the topic of prom with a girl, but you had a conversation with her regarding that topic already.
Here's what you should do. Next time you have a private conversation with her (make it happen even if she's all elusive or whatever), tell her straight up that you want her to be your prom date. Well, then again, I'm assuming that the small conversation you mentioned happened face-to-face and not via Facebook chat... Make sure to ask her in person. It gives her a fair chance of saying yes or no and whatever the outcome, you'll know you did the right thing and not regret it later.
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it's better to go for it than to just think about it... remember, pain lasts for just a moment, but glory lives forever!
ask her to prom!!! do it for me, tell her endymion sent you! you have our backing, go for it =]
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well it seems like you are strapped on time so you would need to ask soon.
but I made my suggestions since from the post, it almost sounded like the guy barely encountered her face to face: if this were true, I would think that he needs to at least interact with her a few times in real life before he asks her out. i am not sure what planet you guys come from, but interacting with a girl in real life few times while trying to initiate some physical contact (as I suggested) does not "90%" lead to friendzone. This is particularly true since they are, by admission, introverted Asians. I agree, of course, after few meaningful encounters, he needs to go for it and make his intentions crystal clear.
there is a clear distinction between having reckless/"nothing-to-lose" mentality and maximizing your chances and then going for it. The former makes sense if you don't have any other choice, but in this case, ideally he needs to at least establish a semblance of connection in real life before he "goes for it." Once again, this is more true because of his background and context.
My suggestion is not to attempt to establish some kind of friendly, platonic relationship, because that is clearly going to lead to friendzone. But at the same time, making his intentions 100 percent clear as soon as they start interacting IRL is less than ideal (it could work, but it is a shot in the dark) because all the mystique is gone and the guy is bequeathing all the playing cards to the girl -- right from the beginning. In the ideal world, he needs to meet her a few times and try his best to create some romantic tension (without making his intents 100 percent clear) and, perhaps in the 4-5th meeting, do the right thing and ask her out.
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dont make the mistake the guy in the other blog made of popping the prom question in a confronting moment (when shes with her friends or whatever). Do make sure that it's in a comfortable situation.
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On April 06 2012 07:52 meguca wrote:
At any rate, a couple of days ago, I had a small conversation with her regarding the topic of prom. I inquired if she thought that anybody from our grade would ask her, and she replied that she "doubted it ... knowing [her] luck with guys". However, she did mention that she was anticipating that someone from our grade who she rather dislikes might try to ask her, and if he indeed does do so, she has prepared a way to 'escape' from the situation. Moreover, she expressed a desire to attend the event with someone, remarking that since she doubted anyone from our grade would ask her, she would have to ask someone not from our grade (as, apparently, senior girls should only ask people who are underclassmen or high school graduates). She went on to say that she "chose the underclass guy [she] might ask solely for his ability to make everything less awkward and more fun", particularly stating that she did not wish me to make "assumptions" regarding this person―in particular, she did not want me to "assume" that she "liked" this person. Regardless, is this a point of concern? I am unsure how I should approach this situation. Moreover, to complicate matters, she said that she "might not ask him if [she] decides to ask [her] college friend instead"―a person about whom she has divulged almost no information save for this tantalizing yet mysterious statement.
People of Team Liquid, I beseech you―help.
You have nothing to worry about regarding that. I'm convinced of it.
That being said you need to make your move! Ask her to hangout like everyone has already stated and get comfortable interacting but don't let that stall you from asking her. I personally wouldn't just ask her to the prom with nothing in hand but there's absolutely no need to complicate it far beyond something like a card or a flower. If you must you could do something silly like a piano sheet with a "Will you go to prom with me?" or something. Put in in a folder. Done, and then just go hey can you play something for me?
The point I want to make here though is that it really doesn't matter how you ask her. If she says yes its because she wants to go with you and not due to how you ask her. Don't over think things and just get in the way of yourself. Don't close the door on a relationship either. Just ask her, hangout, go to prom, and take things from there.
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Ah i can still remember the crippling wreck of nerves i became when it comes to asking women out (to prom (ball in aus) or a coffee). Nowadays its barely a big deal, funny how things change. Reading this whole thread i just kept yelling 'JUST ASK HER', preferably in person since she's in the same school.
Now that you have her phone number, get her out or meet her sometime, have some fun then ask her to prom. Easy. If she's really that busy that she can't come out, just ask her over the phone. If she rejects you no big deal, go back to normal or completely cut her out of your life.
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Good Luck. I like your chances!
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Prom is much easier than actually asking a girl out. If you do take her, remember to make a list of things to talk about while you're there. Just have a good time.
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On April 06 2012 23:35 Doovad wrote:
Prom is much easier than actually asking a girl out. If you do take her, remember to make a list of things to talk about while you're there. Just have a good time.
Surely you jest?
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United States22883 Posts
I think he just means keep a back up list of things in your head in case there's awkward silence. Then again, finding out that you're comfortable in the silence with someone else is important as well.
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On April 06 2012 07:52 meguca wrote:
At any rate, a couple of days ago, I had a small conversation with her regarding the topic of prom. I inquired if she thought that anybody from our grade would ask her, and she replied that she "doubted it ... knowing [her] luck with guys". However, she did mention that she was anticipating that someone from our grade who she rather dislikes might try to ask her, and if he indeed does do so, she has prepared a way to 'escape' from the situation. Moreover, she expressed a desire to attend the event with someone, remarking that since she doubted anyone from our grade would ask her, she would have to ask someone not from our grade (as, apparently, senior girls should only ask people who are underclassmen or high school graduates). She went on to say that she "chose the underclass guy [she] might ask solely for his ability to make everything less awkward and more fun", particularly stating that she did not wish me to make "assumptions" regarding this person―in particular, she did not want me to "assume" that she "liked" this person. Regardless, is this a point of concern? I am unsure how I should approach this situation. Moreover, to complicate matters, she said that she "might not ask him if [she] decides to ask [her] college friend instead"―a person about whom she has divulged almost no information save for this tantalizing yet mysterious statement..
Hold on there, killer! Unfortunately you display the all-too-familiar symptoms of "sold feet". I've also noticed that the smarter the person, the more they can over-think the situation.
Therefore, consider accepting this truth: You will NEVER "figure someone out". You will spend so much time analyzing and over-analyzing that you'll work yourself into passivity.
You're not asking this girl on a date - you're asking her to a high school dance. I know it feels like everyone goes with a romantic interest, but if you ever attended a dance you would see plenty of "couples" who just went as friends.
If I were you, I'd ask her as quickly as possible. The question is really easy: "Will you go to prom with me?"
There, nothing more complicated than 7 words. It may seem like a huge hurdle now, but after you've done it you will probably feel bad for holding back so long. It's probably best you do it in person, but you have to move! As you suggested, invite her to lunch and then ask. Or if she's too busy than ask then and there online. Negotiable points are "We're just going as friends", "We don't have dates, so let's go together", and "I really want to go, you're one of my few good friends, and it would mean a lot if you came".
I expect a detailed report of your success :p
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United States10328 Posts
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On April 06 2012 23:35 Doovad wrote:
Prom is much easier than actually asking a girl out. If you do take her, remember to make a list of things to talk about while you're there. Just have a good time.
ok no, just bring your notebook of builds and go over some ZvT strat with her, no need to actually make a list..
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On April 07 2012 00:30 Servius_Fulvius wrote:Show nested quote +On April 06 2012 07:52 meguca wrote:
At any rate, a couple of days ago, I had a small conversation with her regarding the topic of prom. I inquired if she thought that anybody from our grade would ask her, and she replied that she "doubted it ... knowing [her] luck with guys". However, she did mention that she was anticipating that someone from our grade who she rather dislikes might try to ask her, and if he indeed does do so, she has prepared a way to 'escape' from the situation. Moreover, she expressed a desire to attend the event with someone, remarking that since she doubted anyone from our grade would ask her, she would have to ask someone not from our grade (as, apparently, senior girls should only ask people who are underclassmen or high school graduates). She went on to say that she "chose the underclass guy [she] might ask solely for his ability to make everything less awkward and more fun", particularly stating that she did not wish me to make "assumptions" regarding this person―in particular, she did not want me to "assume" that she "liked" this person. Regardless, is this a point of concern? I am unsure how I should approach this situation. Moreover, to complicate matters, she said that she "might not ask him if [she] decides to ask [her] college friend instead"―a person about whom she has divulged almost no information save for this tantalizing yet mysterious statement.. Hold on there, killer! Unfortunately you display the all-too-familiar symptoms of "sold feet". I've also noticed that the smarter the person, the more they can over-think the situation. Therefore, consider accepting this truth: You will NEVER "figure someone out". You will spend so much time analyzing and over-analyzing that you'll work yourself into passivity. You're not asking this girl on a date - you're asking her to a high school dance. I know it feels like everyone goes with a romantic interest, but if you ever attended a dance you would see plenty of "couples" who just went as friends. If I were you, I'd ask her as quickly as possible. The question is really easy: "Will you go to prom with me?" There, nothing more complicated than 7 words. It may seem like a huge hurdle now, but after you've done it you will probably feel bad for holding back so long. It's probably best you do it in person, but you have to move! As you suggested, invite her to lunch and then ask. Or if she's too busy than ask then and there online. Negotiable points are "We're just going as friends", "We don't have dates, so let's go together", and "I really want to go, you're one of my few good friends, and it would mean a lot if you came". I expect a detailed report of your success :p
If you call her a friend, make sure you prefix it somehow, don't let her think you're ordinary friends.
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I searched and searched, but could not physically locate her at school. Then, I texted her; however, after asking "so do you have any plans for the weekend?", I stopped receiving replies (I had initiated a conversation by mentioning how Maurizio Pollini might not actually have died, even though it is rumored that he has indeed passed away). It is almost 4 PM, what do I do? I have been awaiting a reply for over an hour. I do not know if it would seem peculiar if I called her.
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On April 07 2012 07:48 meguca wrote:
I searched and searched, but could not physically locate her at school. Then, I texted her; however, after asking "so do you have any plans for the weekend?", I stopped receiving replies (I had initiated a conversation by mentioning how Maurizio Pollini might not actually have died, even though it is rumored that he has indeed passed away). It is almost 4 PM, what do I do? I have been awaiting a reply for over an hour. I do not know if it would seem peculiar if I called her.
It's a big moment for her too, don't forget that. Be patient.
I would say send a follow-up text of some sort that makes the offer seem fleeting if you want her to choose faster, the call may or may not be better though. Not sure if anything like that's good advice or not. whatever happens, DO NOT GO ALL EMO, play it cool
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United States22883 Posts
On April 07 2012 07:48 meguca wrote:
I searched and searched, but could not physically locate her at school. Then, I texted her; however, after asking "so do you have any plans for the weekend?", I stopped receiving replies (I had initiated a conversation by mentioning how Maurizio Pollini might not actually have died, even though it is rumored that he has indeed passed away). It is almost 4 PM, what do I do? I have been awaiting a reply for over an hour. I do not know if it would seem peculiar if I called her.
People get busy. Don't freak out over it.
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Certainly, though, not so busy that they cannot reply to a text message for many hours while having sufficient time to briefly log into Facebook and 'like' an image?
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you're over thinking it, wait till you can see her in person or call her tomorrow
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On April 07 2012 10:30 meguca wrote:
Certainly, though, not so busy that they cannot reply to a text message for many hours while having sufficient time to briefly log into Facebook and 'like' an image?
There are countless reasons why she wouldn't reply that have nothing to do with her not being interested in you. Don't make assumptions and definitely don't press her to respond a whole bunch
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On April 07 2012 07:48 meguca wrote:
I searched and searched, but could not physically locate her at school. Then, I texted her; however, after asking "so do you have any plans for the weekend?", I stopped receiving replies (I had initiated a conversation by mentioning how Maurizio Pollini might not actually have died, even though it is rumored that he has indeed passed away). It is almost 4 PM, what do I do? I have been awaiting a reply for over an hour. I do not know if it would seem peculiar if I called her.
LOL Pollini is a great pianist but these aren't exactly things I would talk with a girl. In general, I would not stress over this too much. Even if you may not think so, girls can pick up on this kind of apprehension and anxiousness coming from you. And that is a not good thing.
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Well! Turns out she's too busy to have lunch anytime before "next month", as she will be busy practicing and recording three pieces (Beethoven Sonata No. 23 (Appassionata), Chopin Etude Op. 25 No. 11 (Winter Wind), and some other piece of her choice) as well as learning and practicing some rather complicated piece for auditions for our school's graduation.
hmph understandable i guess
Also: POLLINI ISN'T DEAD HOORAY
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On April 07 2012 13:17 meguca wrote:
Well! Turns out she's too busy to have lunch anytime before "next month", as she will be busy practicing and recording three pieces (Beethoven Sonata No. 23 (Appassionata), Chopin Etude Op. 25 No. 11 (Winter Wind), and some other piece of her choice) as well as learning and practicing some rather complicated piece for auditions for our school's graduation.
hmph understandable i guess
Also: POLLINI ISN'T DEAD HOORAY
I am proud to devote my 2000 post to you, for your honestly and sincerity shown in this thread
But unfortunately, "too busy" for lunch before "next month", is a clear indication that she just isn't that into you and is far from "understandable".
But I do wish you all the best, I really do but for the time begin, son, your passion is writing cheques your heart can't cash.
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TBH, rather than not being interested in him particularly, I get the vibe that she's not interested in/not prepared for guys in general; she would rather continue doing her thing without being distracted.
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...such is life...
Edit: Actually, I re-read the conversation a few time, and it seems like I missed a particular nuance. Here is the particular wording:
<me>: well if you have some free time lets go out for lunch sometime :D
<other person>: lawl.... prob not gonna happen until at least next month...
Perhaps this is hopeless, stupid optimism, but the meaning of her statement does change radically depending on whether she meant that having free time isn't going to happen until at least next month or that going out for lunch won't happen until at least next month. Perhaps, though, I am merely deluded.
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On April 07 2012 14:01 phosphorylation wrote:
TBH, rather than not being interested in him particularly, I get the vibe that she's not interested in/not prepared for guys in general; she would rather continue doing her thing without being distracted.
Essentially this.
I was in much the same place just recently, and I 'called her out' on being busy on a whim. If she seems to love being there with you, DO NOT CALL HER OUT! She will tell you the truth, so this is probably the worst thing you could possibly do, ever.
Relatedly, If anyone else has made this mistake, and then proceeded to bother her very unreasonably with shit, thinking you had to apologise, and then still managed to make things right in the end, some advice would be awesome~!
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On April 07 2012 14:40 meguca wrote:
...such is life...
Edit: Actually, I re-read the conversation a few time, and it seems like I missed a particular nuance. Here is the particular wording:
<me>: well if you have some free time lets go out for lunch sometime :D
<other person>: lawl.... prob not gonna happen until at least next month...
Perhaps this is hopeless, stupid optimism, but the meaning of her statement does change radically depending on whether she meant that having free time isn't going to happen until at least next month or that going out for lunch won't happen until at least next month. Perhaps, though, I am merely deluded.
And why would you need to wait till you have lunch before you ask her out?
We both know that you don't, but it serves as a simple excuse not to do it.
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On April 07 2012 16:10 zalz wrote:Show nested quote +On April 07 2012 14:40 meguca wrote:
...such is life...
Edit: Actually, I re-read the conversation a few time, and it seems like I missed a particular nuance. Here is the particular wording:
<me>: well if you have some free time lets go out for lunch sometime :D
<other person>: lawl.... prob not gonna happen until at least next month...
Perhaps this is hopeless, stupid optimism, but the meaning of her statement does change radically depending on whether she meant that having free time isn't going to happen until at least next month or that going out for lunch won't happen until at least next month. Perhaps, though, I am merely deluded. And why would you need to wait till you have lunch before you ask her out? We both know that you don't, but it serves as a simple excuse not to do it.
He just asked her out to lunch man, baby steps.
GSL off the record with oGsMC SKMC, he was talking about how he has a girlfriend who is extremely supportive, and they only meet every 3 weeks or so. When your lady says she's busy, think of her as MC training. You have nothing to doubt
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So basically, after jacking off for the first 17 years of your life you have grown somewhat tired of it. Combined with the innate "save face" mentality of most Chinese people, you decide that prom time is the time to change the aforementioned fact make a girl blog on TL.
Good luck, unless you look like Huang Xiaoming, judging by your total lack of dating experiences, your stereotypical description of yourself (awkward Asian nerd), your your vomit-inducing style of writing (IMHO ofc), you will need plenty of it. If the girl in question isn't completely hideous, that is.
I suggest you expand your very limited range, and settle for any girl you can get. I mean, as long as you dress reasonably well and aren't totally painful to look at, there's bound to be at least a few girls that will date/fuck/etc. with you. Limiting yourself to one target and thus setting yourself up for (very likely) disappointment is quite pointless and only something virgin (in all senses of the word) teenagers do.
Get as much experience now, and succeed later. Don't be that guy.
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Terrible post. You need to accept that not everyone is the same and, more important, not everyone strives to be a certain way. Nor should they feel compelled to.
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On April 07 2012 16:07 Cyber_Cheese wrote:Show nested quote +On April 07 2012 14:01 phosphorylation wrote:
TBH, rather than not being interested in him particularly, I get the vibe that she's not interested in/not prepared for guys in general; she would rather continue doing her thing without being distracted. Essentially this. I was in much the same place just recently, and I 'called her out' on being busy on a whim. If she seems to love being there with you, DO NOT CALL HER OUT! She will tell you the truth, so this is probably the worst thing you could possibly do, ever. Relatedly, If anyone else has made this mistake, and then proceeded to bother her very unreasonably with shit, thinking you had to apologise, and then still managed to make things right in the end, some advice would be awesome~!
Alternatively, allowing her to be that busy from the get-go sets up a bad predicent, you should stop talking to her and see if she contacts you first. If shes not properly interested, this wil only hurt you in the long run.
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This is looking very bad, not only because you're an "asian nerd" with a high degree of social awkwardness (even here, on a forum!), but because she seems to be one too.
Even if you were her dream partner, she would probably be too shy and/or embarassed to accept any sort of relationship.
Such is the life of those who live exclusively in their own mind.
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On April 07 2012 17:00 EngrishTeacher wrote:
So basically, after jacking off for the first 17 years of your life you have grown somewhat tired of it. Combined with the innate "save face" mentality of most Chinese people, you decide that prom time is the time to change the aforementioned fact make a girl blog on TL.
Good luck, unless you look like Huang Xiaoming, judging by your total lack of dating experiences, your stereotypical description of yourself (awkward Asian nerd), your your vomit-inducing style of writing (IMHO ofc), you will need plenty of it. If the girl in question isn't completely hideous, that is.
I suggest you expand your very limited range, and settle for any girl you can get. I mean, as long as you dress reasonably well and aren't totally painful to look at, there's bound to be at least a few girls that will date/fuck/etc. with you. Limiting yourself to one target and thus setting yourself up for (very likely) disappointment is quite pointless and only something virgin (in all senses of the word) teenagers do.
Get as much experience now, and succeed later. Don't be that guy.
please dont listen to this guy megacuna, hes being an idiot! i wont pretend to know you but i dont think the "anything goes" approach would make you happy.. as for meeting up with her, i know a girl thats just like that. it was so difficult to set a date with her because she was always busy... but then i changed my approach and it worked like a charm.
Listen up, you need to be slightly more assertive when setting a date with her. she obviously has a lot of shit going on so you need to do better then basically saying "lets do something sometime". instead, make a plan and ask her to tag along. for example: theres a good movie about a pianist in the cinema and you just tell her your gonna check it out tonight or tomorrow and askher if she would be interested to tag along. remember, that time shes spending sitting around chatting on fb could be time spent doing something fun (with you) irl.
your fighting the good fight bro and dont let anyone tell you different.
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Movies are terrible.
You are literally sitting next to one another saying nearly anything for anywhere in between 1-2 hours.
Stop trying to come up with ways to go out with a girl and not talk to her. Sooner or later you are going to have to actually talk to one.
Well you don't have to, you can also be forever alone, but if that doesn't sound appealing, get over it.
In this case, I really think Engrish has the better advice. The obsession over "teh one" is a waste of time.
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Italy12246 Posts
On April 06 2012 05:05 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
Most guys who get friendzoned only get friendzoned because they never straight up tell girls they wanna go out or that they're interested in them and expect girls to pick up on all these weird signals and implications and get mad that a relationship doesn't just happen like it does in anime. dont be that guy
Fell for that same mistake like the dumbass i was in high school. That's such an important lesson to learn about women!
btw holy shit op, you REALLY don't seem 17 from the way you write. I've seen plenty of adults being much, much worse at using language. Might be a touch too much for a tl blog, but im sure you get good grades on your papers
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On April 07 2012 13:17 meguca wrote:
Well! Turns out she's too busy to have lunch anytime before "next month", as she will be busy practicing and recording three pieces (Beethoven Sonata No. 23 (Appassionata), Chopin Etude Op. 25 No. 11 (Winter Wind), and some other piece of her choice) as well as learning and practicing some rather complicated piece for auditions for our school's graduation.
hmph understandable i guess
Also: POLLINI ISN'T DEAD HOORAY
Ohhh some delicious musical details! Coincidentally, I played the Appassionata (full) as a part of my ARCT repertoire (you can google what that is if you don't know) and I also played the Winter Wind for my school's piano competition in grade 12. Both are fantastic pieces, and I'm glad to know some other pianist has similar tastes!
Okay, back on topic. I don't know what kind of perfection she's striving for, but not having lunch "until next month" because of those is most likely an excuse. I don't know man, I honestly think you should have asked when she brought up the topic of prom.
More and more (as this thread evolves) it seems like she doesn't have a particular interest in you, or at least not on par with your level of interest in her. I don't suggest taking rash actions right away, but perhaps it's time to look for alternatives? It sucks having to give up on your primary goal without a solid attempt, hence that is why so many people here are recommending just giving it a shot - straight up ask her to the prom, with no corny setups or months of getting comfortable and shit.
Talking to her about her musical pursuits may be a double-edged sword. As a young musician myself, back when I was preparing for my ARCT, I didn't want anybody talking to me about it. It stressed me when clueless friends asked like "hows that preparation going" or "want me to listen to it a bit"? I know they meant well but I wanted to prepare it on my own pace with my own style. On the other side, she may be the type where she'll appreciate someone caring about the activities she care the most about. So I guess you could give a shot at that, but you should quickly back down if she shows signs of being annoyed or embarrassed about it.
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On April 07 2012 21:04 zalz wrote:
Movies are terrible.
You are literally sitting next to one another saying nearly anything for anywhere in between 1-2 hours.
Stop trying to come up with ways to go out with a girl and not talk to her. Sooner or later you are going to have to actually talk to one.
Well you don't have to, you can also be forever alone, but if that doesn't sound appealing, get over it.
In this case, I really think Engrish has the better advice. The obsession over "teh one" is a waste of time.
i very clearly said example, no need to fret about the whole movie thing. about the girl part i guess its up to megacusa to decide if he wants to go the prom with her or just with a girl in general.
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I have to agree that movies aren't too good unless 1)It is a horror movie and the girl tends to be touchy/get scared easily or 2) you are watching it in your bedroom or hers, not in the cinema.
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On April 07 2012 14:40 meguca wrote:
...such is life...
Edit: Actually, I re-read the conversation a few time, and it seems like I missed a particular nuance. Here is the particular wording:
<me>: well if you have some free time lets go out for lunch sometime :D
<other person>: lawl.... prob not gonna happen until at least next month...
Perhaps this is hopeless, stupid optimism, but the meaning of her statement does change radically depending on whether she meant that having free time isn't going to happen until at least next month or that going out for lunch won't happen until at least next month. Perhaps, though, I am merely deluded.
Oh, you're deluded alright - deluded into thinking you will get an answer by reading "nuances" and once again overanalyzing the situation. If you would have asked her days ago things like lunch and schedule clashes wouldn't even matter because you'd already have your answer.
I did the same kind of things in high school. I became best friends with a girl and spent 2.5 years crushing on her and trying to figure her out while never actually making a move. Yeah, it's an experience best learned the hard way, but you're not even asking her out. You're asking her to a dance. Just do it already!
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best way to figure out what someone thinks is to ask them what they think
isn't wondering if someone likes you or not worst and scarier than finding out they dont? at least then u can move on and stop wasting your time throwing yourself at someone who doesnt want you
and you learn not to take it personally
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On April 06 2012 11:34 Jibba wrote:
This is how you get friendzoned 90% of the time.
Do you really weigh your chances when it comes to (romantic) relationships? Sounds like PUA advice, which I'm not sure is what he really needs.
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United States22883 Posts
On April 08 2012 19:30 jacen wrote:Show nested quote +On April 06 2012 11:34 Jibba wrote:
This is how you get friendzoned 90% of the time. Do you really weigh your chances when it comes to (romantic) relationships? Sounds like PUA advice, which I'm not sure is what he really needs.
No, I'm just saying that being passive and trying to get them know them for an extended period before asking them out is generally a very unlikely path to getting a date. You don't have to play dumbass PUA games, just be direct, honest and funny.
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On April 08 2012 20:40 utelektr wrote:
Are you Sayle's brother?
ROFL :D. Sayle's brother was 16 IIRC, and i think the blog was posted a few weeks ago not a few days ago.
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So update us man, how is it going? Did you have a date yet?
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EPT
