EPTWow skterean. Honestly? I do have white black Chinese Indian friends. I meet them few times a year to have dinner. They are just SOOOOO different. They can't understand my culture either and We all respect each others but what I'm saying is are just can't get attached deeper.just like when my Jewish friend somalian friend and I got into a religious debate, there is always a barrier. I try my best to understand and not discriminate but sometimes it is really hard to understand
Breakup or Marriage - All or nothing - Page 7
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ExceeD_DreaM
Canada500 Posts
Wow skterean. Honestly? I do have white black Chinese Indian friends. I meet them few times a year to have dinner. They are just SOOOOO different. They can't understand my culture either and We all respect each others but what I'm saying is are just can't get attached deeper.just like when my Jewish friend somalian friend and I got into a religious debate, there is always a barrier. I try my best to understand and not discriminate but sometimes it is really hard to understand | ||
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Focuspants
Canada780 Posts
On March 30 2012 03:16 ExceeD_DreaM wrote: I do not go to church anymore. I think it is more of ethnic segregation. You only need to go see uoft campus to see what I mean. Trust me people engaging in multicultural activities( for example fraternity) is extreme minority. As much as multicultural this city is, a lot of people are immigrants. I did have white friends black friends etc but they cannot be the true friends I want because they are of different culture and We think differently. As an immigrant myself I find that I cannot go out and just mingle easily with say white people anymore. I did in high-school but to some extent. People are too different and yes it is OK to just go party together( I do that) but keep in touch, talk about life, stuff like that? Nope. I can't do it nor can any people that I know. I think the second generation people fit together a lot better. Not so true with 1.5 gen. I went to a very white primary and high-school and there were plenty of racism although it wasn't too serious but i did see alot of white superiority . I go to U of T. Actually, I am sitting on the 10th floor of Robarts as I type this. U of T has about 80 000 students. I think your issues of not being able to engage in close friendships are actually your issues, not the environments. Naturally with so many people, and most being commuters, it is more difficult to engage in close friendships. My closest friends are still my highschool friends, because you dont spend as much time with anyone as you did with them, there just isnt time to do so. You have to make a really solid effort to get close to people in such a big community. It isnt an issue of race at all. It is entirely based on the atmosphere of the university. You need to put yourself out there to find what youre looking for. I am a St. Mikes student, and I can tell you that there is a really close knit community of friends there, but you have to be active and engaging to be part of it. This all plays to the theme I have been hitting on. You just seem somewhat sheltered. I think you have a fear of the unknown, because what you do know, is so enclosed in the bubble you were raised in. Trust me, before you make a decision, just go do something. Take a week off together, go fly somewhere, and just throw yourself into the culture of the place you land in. See how you guys enjoy the experience. If you both like it, you know that the two of you can explore the "unknown" together. If one of you likes it and the other just wants to crawl back into the bubble, it may not work. If you both dont like it and just enjoy it in your bubble, then it may work still. You need to try things. That is what you are telling us. So go try them! Edit* I dont want this to turn into a religion bashing thread, but here is my honest opinion. I have had friends that I have lost due to their religous convictions, I even study religion in school (I am a philosophy student that focused a lot on all the religion based philosophy courses) and even took a special small program focused on fundamental religion and its inability to coexist with different aspects of society (ranging from social settings, to the political setting, to the scientific community, etc...). A lot of what you are feeling, this distance, is because of your religion. You hold people to certain standards, standards that nobody from outside your community can meet. You likely also feel judged by others, while you judge, and it makes you nervous. Also, you likely try to avoid discussing the matter with people, as it is a contencious topic, and you avoid letting people in. The only people you can feel comfortable fully opening up to, are people within your bubble, because they are the only ones that will fully understand and support you in that way. Fundamental religious beliefs homogenize groups of people. You seem to be part of that, but you also seem to want more, and want to know what the outside world has to offer, but dont know how to properly engage it. It will take a "leap of faith" just like your beliefs did, only this leap has to be about opening your mind to the world, instead of focusing it around a defined ideal. Its not an easy thing to do, and it can definitely cause tention in your relationship if the other party isnt willing to do this. Is this an issue you are having? or am I not reading you correctly? | ||
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ExceeD_DreaM
Canada500 Posts
I should go somewhere take a week vacation or something. I will face some trouble from parents. This culture is that closed lol. I think it's because they're afraid of the word going around and if ur relationship ends badly, ur future girlfriend will know and think negatively of it possibly rejection of marriage from their parents. Hard to explain and it may seem pathetic but that is life. I'm not even worried about what they think really because if I make a decision to stay with her I'm confident I'll marry her. Edit: I am an atheist lol it really is about culture than religion | ||
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mynameisgreat11
599 Posts
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Chill
Calgary26004 Posts
The APEGGA salary survey is free for anyone to view: http://www.apegga.org/SalarySurvey/index.html It's very, very clear. I have referenced this document dozens of times when negotiating salary, so I know it well. For anyone unfamiliar, PEO is the engineering association in Ontario. APEGGA is the engineering association in Alberta. The average salary in Alberta is higher than the average salary in Ontario, so we cannot draw direct conclusions from the APEGGA study about salaried in Ontario. http://www.apegga.org/SalarySurvey/11/2010 Value of Professional Services.pdf Go to Appendix A on page 70. You can see very clearly that a summer student or interning student is considered a level A-. A graduated EIT is considered a levl A. Go to page 26. You can see the mean, level A for all engineers is $65,936. Similarly, the D9 level (top 10%) is $74,800. I imagine Toronto will be lower, but I can't imagine it being more than 20% lower. But only someone with access to the PEO website can check that. Edit: We could easily extrapolate based on a normal curve to find the 1%. But it's better to do that with real PEO data than APEGGA data. | ||
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Chill
Calgary26004 Posts
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Focuspants
Canada780 Posts
On March 30 2012 03:47 ExceeD_DreaM wrote: Edit: I am an atheist lol it really is about culture than religion Here in may lie one of your problems. She sounds quite fundamental, and you sound like youre being forced to concede to peoples thoughts, ideas, and way of life, be it from your parents, or from her. It sounds like you would like to take time, would like to travel, would like to spend time experiencing life together. It soudns like YOU arent the one against living together, but rather that her, her family, and your family are dictating how you should feel, and how you should live. If you cant express yourself honestly to her, which it seems like you have difficulty doing, since youre asking annonymous people on the web for answers, instead of just talking to her, then there could be big problems in the future. You need to make her aware of how you feel. You need her to know what you want out of life, and how yorue feeling on your journey with her. It sounds like youre worried she wont accept who you want to be. It sounds like you are afraid of "giving the wrong answer". You twi definitely need to talk honestly and openly about these things. | ||
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JimSocks
United States968 Posts
or you can just ask her for more time. my girl gave me the same ultimatum. i negotiated 2 more years. | ||
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ExceeD_DreaM
Canada500 Posts
On March 30 2012 04:05 Chill wrote: Here's the PEO salary survey: http://www.ospe.on.ca/?page=mem_comm_sal I'm not a PEO member so I can't access it. The APEGGA salary survey is free for anyone to view: http://www.apegga.org/SalarySurvey/index.html It's very, very clear. I have referenced this document dozens of times when negotiating salary, so I know it well. For anyone unfamiliar, PEO is the engineering association in Ontario. APEGGA is the engineering association in Alberta. The average salary in Alberta is higher than the average salary in Ontario, so we cannot draw direct conclusions from the APEGGA study about salaried in Ontario. http://www.apegga.org/SalarySurvey/11/2010 Value of Professional Services.pdf Go to Appendix A on page 70. You can see very clearly that a summer student or interning student is considered a level A-. A graduated EIT is considered a levl A. Go to page 26. You can see the mean, level A for all engineers is $65,936. Similarly, the D9 level (top 10%) is $74,800. I imagine Toronto will be lower, but I can't imagine it being more than 20% lower. But only someone with access to the PEO website can check that. Edit: We could easily extrapolate based on a normal curve to find the 1%. But it's better to do that with real PEO data than APEGGA data. OK. I didn't want to get into a silly heated argument about this. But I guess you are asking for it. I've spoken in seminars where I had to compare co-op student salaries, the new grad salaries and etc. It is well known that UofT and Waterloo engineers have the most opportunities and make the most money, and their average co-op internship salary for the year is Around 42,000 for UofT and 39,000 for Waterloo. I won't look at your sources because I don't have a clue wtf they are. Instead, I will use the credible Canadian Census data from 2006, since income stats from 2011 are not available yet. Unfortunately, there is no exact stat for my age of 24. So, I will list the relevant stats below. Total Canadian pop'n = 31,612,897 Age 25-54 with university degree Canadian Born Average income in Toronto = 57,695 Immigrant Average income in Toronto = 37,647 Age 25-29 Pop'n = 842,425 Median earnings = 34,982 Almost ALL median earning >50,000 are Engineers, Mathematicians, nurses, lawyers, pharmacists, armed force, fire fighter and etc. (Engineers are between 50,000 and 55,000 range) All of them added up rounds up to 30,000 people. That makes the group already 3.5% of the entire age group. Now, if you put these earnings and extrapolate in linear line, I would be above the median, hence it cuts the percentage even further. Most of all, I am 24, so this is basically comparing myself to 27 year old who has graduated and has been working for 4 years already. I did not mean to brag about it, again, IT WAS TO PUT THINGS INTO CONTEXT. Do you really feel the need to bitch about me writing 1% there? Is it important? However I understand it looks fucking dumb and it does look arrogant. But this is not even important and is irrelevant to my original question. | ||
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Chill
Calgary26004 Posts
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HardlyNever
United States1258 Posts
1. You say you need more information/advice with regards to marrying this girl. 2. Most of us say, hey, a great way to get more information on the subject is to move in/have a sexual relationship with that girl. 3. You so no, while I'd like to, I can't do that. It is against my cultural norms. So basically, we're at a roadblock and no one is really going to be able to give you much more advice. I guess there might be someone who might be in a very similar or identical situation as you that could help, but you probably won't find them here. I'm not trying be mean, that is just the way I see it. I know I can't help you, because of the limitations you have prevent you from doing what I would do. This next part is a little bit of a rant, and is not meant to be offensive, but may come off that way. Ignore it if you like <rant> You live in Canada, which means you live in western culture. In western culture, you do whatever the fuck you want to do, within legal boundaries, if you think it will better your life. If you think moving in with this girl will give you a better understanding of the relationship (and it would), you do it. I know that is against "cultural norms" of whatever nation you came from, but guess what, you don't live there anymore, you live here now. Your parents moved you here so you could have a better life, and in the west, that means making your own goddamn decisions, even if your parents don't like it. I understand different cultural norms. I do. I also understand when outdated/outmoded ways of life stand in the way of good decision making and better ways of life. I'm not trying to say the west has a monopoly on the "good way of life," because believe me, we don't. When it comes to situations like this, though, choice is always better than following other peoples' rules. I know that won't change your mind. I know the girl wouldn't even like that because it challenges her cultural norms, but that's bullshit, because you would both be better off. </rant> | ||
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ExceeD_DreaM
Canada500 Posts
On March 30 2012 05:40 Chill wrote: Yes, it's important, since there's no way it's true and it deserves to be challenged. I just did with the census data. Now get off my dick plz | ||
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StorkHwaiting
United States3465 Posts
Step 1: Propose and buy your girlfriend an engagement ring. Step 2: Delay the marriage indefinitely Step 3: Go out and date other women without your fiancee finding out. Step 4: Make an informed decision on what you want to do. Step 5A: Get married to no-sex 1% girl. Step 5B: Tell her you changed your mind. Get with another girl immediately afterwards to close the door to your ex and give her proper closure. | ||
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Focuspants
Canada780 Posts
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Chill
Calgary26004 Posts
On March 30 2012 06:30 ExceeD_DreaM wrote: I just did with the census data. Now get off my dick plz Except you didn't. You used broad data and extrapolated and then justified it by saying how broad the data was. I'm on your dick because it's such a stupid thing to say. I went to school in the same province as you and have a similar education to you and I cannot imagine anyone of my peers claiming what you claimed. It's absurd. | ||
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Focuspants
Canada780 Posts
Long story short, I know people making upwards of 75k a year that are 24. They do work like 10 hour days, and one even has to work weekends, but shell be making 6 figures in no time. Gotta pay your dues on your way up the totem poll. | ||
Jibba
United States22883 Posts
On March 30 2012 03:33 ExceeD_DreaM wrote: Wow skterean. Honestly? I do have white black Chinese Indian friends. I meet them few times a year to have dinner. They are just SOOOOO different. They can't understand my culture either and We all respect each others but what I'm saying is are just can't get attached deeper.just like when my Jewish friend somalian friend and I got into a religious debate, there is always a barrier. I try my best to understand and not discriminate but sometimes it is really hard to understand This post got me thinking a lot and I think my issue with it relates to the rest of my posts. It doesn't sound like you're particularly close if you only meet a couple times a year to have dinner, which is why it's 100% understandable that discussions about religion and culture with them immediately grind to a halt. It is not impossible to understand other cultures, but I feel like you're only reaching to understand them from your own safe bubble, which is why you'll never reach very far (and them to you.) Speaking over dinner is nothing. You need to go experience their religion with them, if you have any hope of understanding it. I don't mean a long spiritual journey, but simply attending a Shabat ceremony or w/e with them (no idea how religious they are.) Just judging from your posts (and I may be way off) it seems like you've only studied the outside from that safe bubble, but you've never left "home" to experience that other culture or what else might be out there. I'm dead serious, even if only for a Friday night or Saturday morning, it might be good for you to go visit more closely with them. | ||
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Cyber_Cheese
Australia3615 Posts
On March 30 2012 07:06 Chill wrote: Except you didn't. You used broad data and extrapolated and then justified it by saying how broad the data was. I'm on your dick because it's such a stupid thing to say. I went to school in the same province as you and have a similar education to you and I cannot imagine anyone of my peers claiming what you claimed. It's absurd. Top 1% is 1 in 100, someone has to 'be it'. Whether it's actually this guy or not, who knows. | ||
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ExceeD_DreaM
Canada500 Posts
On March 30 2012 07:06 Chill wrote: Except you didn't. You used broad data and extrapolated and then justified it by saying how broad the data was. I'm on your dick because it's such a stupid thing to say. I went to school in the same province as you and have a similar education to you and I cannot imagine anyone of my peers claiming what you claimed. It's absurd. Now you are being an absolute sore loser. There are always people making lots of money. Just because you didn't doesn't mean others did not succeed either. I have a friend who had an internship at Altera or some tech company in the states for 72k. That is 72k after 3rd year of university. I am not even close to him. There is also my supervisor who is 27 and she makes 110k. You think I am lying? I think you are just completely jealous. Don't deny the truth. I don't give a crap if you had a similar education as me. Perhaps I did more things during my summers and did well in school and got an interview at an awesome place and am making a good money. You are being completely silly denying that making between 50~60k a year as 24 year old is in 1% of the age group, because it INDEED is. The links you provided me and the posts show that you have absolutely NO clue about how much people make in our age group. You are living in a dream world. FYI, if you are going to school in Alberta, you should not be comparing to UofT or Waterloo, we have way more opportunities at first hand and much much stronger fundamentals. | ||
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ExceeD_DreaM
Canada500 Posts
On March 30 2012 07:46 Jibba wrote: This post got me thinking a lot and I think my issue with it relates to the rest of my posts. It doesn't sound like you're particularly close if you only meet a couple times a year to have dinner, which is why it's 100% understandable that discussions about religion and culture with them immediately grind to a halt. It is not impossible to understand other cultures, but I feel like you're only reaching to understand them from your own safe bubble, which is why you'll never reach very far (and them to you.) Speaking over dinner is nothing. You need to go experience their religion with them, if you have any hope of understanding it. I don't mean a long spiritual journey, but simply attending a Shabat ceremony or w/e with them (no idea how religious they are.) Just judging from your posts (and I may be way off) it seems like you've only studied the outside from that safe bubble, but you've never left "home" to experience that other culture or what else might be out there. I'm dead serious, even if only for a Friday night or Saturday morning, it might be good for you to go visit more closely with them. Thanks for the opinion Jibba. I agree, this is what I did back in highschool, it has been a long time since. I couldn't attach to them more than I wanted to in highschool, and there was absolutely no need for that in university well knowing our friendship has a cap. Also, everyone just split apart and it's really hard to act as a bridge between all the former crews. | ||
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