EPT
Let's be honest, I have problems
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supernovamaniac
United States3046 Posts
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NrG.Bamboo
United States2756 Posts
PM me if you do actually want someone to talk to about essentially anything, it's what I do. It's really the only thing I'm good at. | ||
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supernovamaniac
United States3046 Posts
On February 11 2012 13:39 Valentine wrote: Nothing wrong with wanting someone to listen to you or pay attention to you, no matter how minuscule or odd your situation may seem to yourself. I don't see why anyone would hate you or dislike you (ignoring trolls) for seeking a helping hand, even if it's just someone to listen to your story. PM me if you do actually want someone to talk to about essentially anything, it's what I do. It's really the only thing I'm good at. Because rages are supposed to be kept to myself, but I let it out on other people without acknowledging that I have problems. I wouldn't expect them to forgive me either. i.e. When I'm in a bad mood, I would randomly curse at anyone that I know for no reason, or just start creating drama with people. | ||
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GoTuNk!
Chile4591 Posts
U will just become a better person after 2-3 months of squatting and deadlifting. | ||
Kiante
Australia7069 Posts
best advice is to stop writing shit about it and just deal with it. if you start being less of a douche nugget, people will start liking/respecting you more without you feeling like you need to act out. in summary, your first ps was right, you fix this by stopping the talk about it, not trying to publicise it more. | ||
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NrG.Bamboo
United States2756 Posts
On February 11 2012 13:40 supernovamaniac wrote: Because rages are supposed to be kept to myself, but I let it out on other people without acknowledging that I have problems. I wouldn't expect them to forgive me either. Why do they need to be kept to yourself? You do acknowledge some issues, but two things seem to be wrong with your model: 1) Letting your anger out on people who aren't willing to accept the venting shouldn't happen. There are always people willing to listen to you [this guy]. 2) Seeking forgiveness for venting is either a folly attempt at regaining "regular" status (as I don't think you want) or a second shot at getting them to listen to you. On February 11 2012 13:43 Kiante wrote: getting the biggest de-ja-vu right now best advice is to stop writing shit about it and just deal with it. if you start being less of a douche nugget, people will start liking/respecting you more without you feeling like you need to act out. in summary, your first ps was right, you fix this by stopping the talk about it, not trying to publicise it more. Or by finding the appropriate outlet for discussion. There are people who do actually do care. | ||
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GoTuNk!
Chile4591 Posts
On February 11 2012 13:44 Valentine wrote: Why do they need to be kept to yourself? You do acknowledge some issues, but two things seem to be wrong with your model: 1) Letting your anger out on people who aren't willing to accept the venting shouldn't happen. There are always people willing to listen to you [this guy]. 2) Seeking forgiveness for venting is either a folly attempt at regaining "regular" status (as I don't think you want) or a second shot at getting them to listen to you. Or by finding the appropriate outlet for discussion. There are people who do actually do care. Talking won't solve shit. He needs to do stuff that will help him. I.e stop browsing the web 24/7. Pick 2-4 activities that will help you be a better person/socialize and that seem interesting, and keep doing the ones you actually like. Weightlifting, cleaning your diet, being nice to others for a change or studying are examples of this. | ||
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NrG.Bamboo
United States2756 Posts
On February 11 2012 13:48 GoTuNk! wrote: Talking won't solve shit. He needs to do stuff that will help him. I.e stop browsing the web 24/7. Pick 2-4 activities that will help you be a better person/socialize and that seem interesting, and keep doing the ones you actually like. Weightlifting, cleaning your diet, being nice to others for a change or studying are examples of this. Talking won't solve shit? I don't disagree with anything else you say, they are all positive boosts to pretty much anyone's regimen, but saying that talking won't solve shit? Sorry, but no. No. | ||
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GoTuNk!
Chile4591 Posts
On February 11 2012 13:50 Valentine wrote: Talking won't solve shit? I don't disagree with anything else you say, they are all positive boosts to pretty much anyone's regimen, but saying that talking won't solve shit? Sorry, but no. No. I mean by itself, it won't do him anygood. His problems are attention whoring and rage management. Stoping being the center of attention in social interaction (force yourself to be nice to others) seems a better than idea than talking about yourself with others. I also think "changing" isn't much about thinking but more about changing your habits (adding or removing stuff you do repeatedly) | ||
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Venus.exe
United States285 Posts
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NrG.Bamboo
United States2756 Posts
On February 11 2012 13:54 GoTuNk! wrote: I mean by itself, it won't do him anygood. His problems are attention whoring and rage management. Stoping being the center of attention in social interaction (force yourself to be nice to others) seems a better than idea than talking about yourself with others. I also think "changing" isn't much about thinking but more about changing your habits (adding or removing stuff you do repeatedly) I understand what you believe his problems to be, but I must respectfully disagree that having legitimate discussion with the right people can do him good it itself, alone. I'm not saying that making blogs is the right idea, I'm saying that private discussions with empathetic people are a good answer; the habit changes you mention I do believe can wait, although they definitely are not negative in any way. But telling someone who is already keeping to himself to keep even more to himself doesn't seem like a very good idea to me. The problems you address (attention whoring and rage management) are not solved by just lifting shit and staying quiet. Well, they certainly could be avoided through the habit changes you mentioned, but the issue itself still remains unadressed, and will continue to fuck with him. | ||
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GoTuNk!
Chile4591 Posts
On February 11 2012 14:01 Valentine wrote: I understand what you believe his problems to be, but I must respectfully disagree that having legitimate discussion with the right people can do him good it itself, alone. I'm not saying that making blogs is the right idea, I'm saying that private discussions with empathetic people are a good answer; the habit changes you mention I do believe can wait, although they definitely are not negative in any way. But telling someone who is already keeping to himself to keep even more to himself doesn't seem like a very good idea to me. The problems you address (attention whoring and rage management) are not solved by just lifting shit and staying quiet. Well, they certainly could be avoided through the habit changes you mentioned, but the issue itself still remains unadressed, and will continue to fuck with him. I don't wanna hijack this thread, but what I mean is that sobbing to his mother/someone online/a physcologist about how he feels lonely and stuff won't help him much, or will take a shitload of time in a best case scenario. What he needs to do is force himself to engage in activites that will make him feel better and hopefully socialize with others. I mention weight lifting cause I've read many stories of geeks from this site (myself included) whose self steem skyrocketed, many which went from 0 social life to losing their virginity and getting complements from females frequently (yeah, that helps with self steem a lot). Anything that involves interacting with other people IRL and improving self steem would help though. Even if he starts with what you say (talking), eventually if it doesn't translate into behavior he is not improving at all. My take is that starting with action is a lot faster and will most likely solve a whole lot more issues sooner. | ||
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Zona
40426 Posts
When I try to change my behavior in some way, I first try to identify every single tiny mental step, one after another, that leads to the behaviors that I want to rid myself of. I try to stay constantly aware of my mental state, and when I notice that one of these mental chains of events starting to take place, try to consciously interrupt it to avoid producing the behavior that I don't want to occur. Rather than allowing a subconscious habit to cause you to react to things in a certain way, try to be conscious of what leads you to do the things you don't want to do, and perhaps gradually improve the way you respond. ...I have no idea if it'll work for you, but maybe you can try it. | ||
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NrG.Bamboo
United States2756 Posts
On February 11 2012 14:16 GoTuNk! wrote: I don't wanna hijack this thread, but what I mean is that sobbing to his mother/someone online/a physcologist about how he feels lonely and stuff won't help him much, or will take a shitload of time in a best case scenario. What he needs to do is force himself to engage in activites that will make him feel better and hopefully socialize with others. I mention weight lifting cause I've read many stories of geeks from this site (myself included) whose self steem skyrocketed, many which went from 0 social life to losing their virginity and getting complements from females frequently (yeah, that helps with self steem a lot). Anything that involves interacting with other people IRL and improving self steem would help though. Even if he starts with what you say (talking), eventually if it doesn't translate into behavior he is not improving at all. My take is that starting with action is a lot faster and will most likely solve a whole lot more issues sooner. Understood, but I doubt that taking the fast route is the best route in this case. I'm not sure how you believe that talking won't help him much, but I do believe that it is generally the first step in moving forward towards the positive life changes that you mention. Of course he can always jump into the game and start working hard, but why forego the discussion? It's a pretty critical part in bringing out exactly what is triggering his problems and how to create an effective plan to combat that and bring him peace in the long run. But yeah, other than what I already have said (PM ME), I can't really do much here. I can help him one-on-one, but just throwing ideas at him won't be very helpful from me. It's up to him whether or not he wants to take up the offer to talk to someone willing to listen ;p | ||
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ShadeR
Australia7535 Posts
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PUPATREE
340 Posts
Don't give up unless you're satisfied with how things are. At the same time, don't expect yourself to always be socializing, perfect, and calm. My advice is to just be pleasant, polite, and smile with the people you interact with as best you can. Yeah, you might blow up in their faces at some point, but it's not the end of the world when that happens. Suck it up, apologize, and explain yourself, and people will likely respect it. Maybe you didn't get enough attention growing up, and acting out and doing crazy shit was the way you learned to get other people's momentary approval, but that shit is juvenile. Really, I'm serious all the fucking time. I also used to be a little bundle of hate, which led to me being extremely isolated, but it's not so bad anymore. Just be polite and pleasant, and others will respond well to it. Like, you've seen how I'm pretty well-received on bwstreams, right? It might sound silly, but given how I used to be with others, it's a big deal for me. I'm proud of it. It's hard for me to get to know new people, and I imagine it might be for you too. If you still chill in the lounge, try to get closer to the people on your floor. Dorms (and college in general) really are a great place for interacting with others and making close friends. Take advantage of it. Finding new activities like GoTuNk! mentioned would be good too. Gives you more character, makes you better-rounded, easy to interact with others if you have some common thing you're working on together, etc. And yea, I wish I started lifting years ago lol. Godspeed. | ||
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Assault_1
Canada1950 Posts
whats that mean? | ||
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hp.Shell
United States2527 Posts
I've blown up several times in large social situations. I never physically hurt anyone, I just let out all my anger at once in a verbal psi storm that usually includes harsh truths of what I think about the people in the group, thereby alienating myself. What I've done in the past is wait a day (sometimes longer) and really sincerely apologize, sometimes addressing people individually in front of the whole group. It's awkward, yeah, but I've had some pretty good reactions to this. I'm not sure I would apologize as hugely in the future if it were to happen again, but I'll admit it does tend to bring you closer to respectable. It's hard when people have seen that side of you, because it's like they know how far you are willing to go with people. The relationship is never quite the same afterwards. But the more you brood on the past, the more likely you are to waste a lot of time. Edit: You don't need to figure out all the possible reasons for why you've acted out in the past. You just need to figure out how you're going to act in similar situations in the future. And that goes for all life experiences. Only take the time to figure out your build order next time you play on Sniper Ridge, and then let it go. | ||
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mordk
Chile8385 Posts
Second, you need to try and understand why is it that you rage so much, is it just a trait of your personality? or is there something else behind it, something more specific perhaps?. If it's just a personality trait, then you have to learn to do two things, think before acting, and the art of apologizing from the heart. Both of those will help you feel better. You would also do well to find activities that allow you to manage the anxiety that usually precedes such blow outs, like doing exercise, listening to really cool music or finding someone to hang out and do stuff with. A third thing that could help you is finding a close friend, someone you can talk to and vent in a more relaxed environment. Female friends are awesome at this. Third, know yourself, and understand that seeking attention is NOT WRONG. It's just an expression of a need you have right now. Attention seeking will probably diminish when you find yourself satisfied with your life and your caring needs are taken care of. You need to boost your self confidence, and like many have said, caring for your body/mind/relationships by itself boosts your self confidence. A while back I lost a few pounds, started swimming and voila, I became a whole new person. This kind of shit really helps. Finally, if you feel to anxious/sad, medical counsel can definitely help you, so can a little boost in the form of medication. This can be temporary and serve as one more of the stepping stones you might need. You shouldn't feel bad or like a crazy person because of this, just do it if you feel it can help. | ||
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Pucca
Taiwan1280 Posts
 GL and HF WPWP. Fitz | ||
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