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On November 26 2011 09:37 Grettin wrote:
Age difference aside, have you asked the girl to talk with her mother? If she could talk to the father and maybe convince him to let you talk with all of them?
She isn't very close with her mother, who lives about 12 hours north and only calls every couple of months. Unfortunately I'm not going to be able to find a member of her family who can side with me other than her.
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There is a huge maturity difference between 16 and 20, at least there should be. I assume she is still in high school, you've graduated for two years now. My mentality in high school was so much different than it is now (I'm 21 now and if I ever met my 16 year old self, I would punch him in the face for being so goddamn stupid), and I couldn't imagine dating somebody with that same kind of high school mentality.
Meh, he's 20 she's 16. It's not like he's a full blown adult and she's a kid, they're in the same ball park.
She is definitely a kid...
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On November 26 2011 09:42 subV wrote:There is a huge maturity difference between 16 and 20, at least there should be. I assume she is still in high school, you've graduated for two years now. My mentality in high school was so much different than it is now (I'm 21 now and if I ever met my 16 year old self, I would punch him in the face for being so goddamn stupid), and I couldn't imagine dating somebody with that same kind of high school mentality. Show nested quote + Meh, he's 20 she's 16. It's not like he's a full blown adult and she's a kid, they're in the same ball park. She is definitely a kid...
A lot of you are making pretty rash assumptions about the personality of both myself and this girl, which doesn't help me in the slightest and is completely useless. Stop wasting keystrokes, let your keyboards live a little bit longer.
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When in doubt remember the "Half your age plus 7" rule. You're about 1year off my friend therefore it equals scandal
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On November 26 2011 09:51 StreetHeat wrote:
When in doubt remember the "Half your age plus 7" rule. You're about 1year off my friend therefore it equals scandal
I'm not going to rest my future on something as arbitrary as this. Don't be ridiculous.
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In personality development, two very distinct phases is the age from 15/16-18/19, then there's 18/19-24/25. Something which is pretty normal in relationships where one is minor and the other in his/her twenties is that either the older one is less mature than those of his age and/or the other one is more mature than those of his/her age.
I was a hopeless romantic myself until I realized that love is fluffy, fun and without prejudice at first, it will after a while when it moves over to a real relationship, require a lot of hard work. At that point something solid (equal values, religion/non-religion, being at about the same places in life etc.) come in handy. I'll assume you're both quite alike, that you've thought things through and that you mention that you can really relax with her sounds great, so I'd never blame you for giving it a go.
Still, people have their opinions regarding age for a reason. Then again, I've become quite extreme at not trusting the good 'ol Disney love story and have a set of criteria which has to be met for the girl to even be a candidate - regardless of how much fun we have at first 
So after having all that said, I'll pay my 2 cents to the questions at hand:
1. Yes, you should call him and talk with him. Make an effort and show that you're responsible and take care of matters on your own initiative - which any grown and mature man who really loves his woman would do.
2. Yes, I'd say waiting until Monday sounds like a nice idea since then you'll have more to work on or know more of the context. Although, I'm not quite certain - for all I know it may be just as good a time right now.
Bottom line is, you're a grown man and seem sensible. I'm quite certain you'll find a reasonable conclusion.
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On November 26 2011 09:42 subV wrote:
There is a huge maturity difference between 16 and 20, at least there should be. I assume she is still in high school, you've graduated for two years now. My mentality in high school was so much different than it is now (I'm 21 now and if I ever met my 16 year old self, I would punch him in the face for being so goddamn stupid), and I couldn't imagine dating somebody with that same kind of high school mentality.
You may believe this, and it may be true, but trying to tell all this to someone blinded by love is going to be like beating your head against the wall, regardless of age.
Truth is, the situation is very simple. You're dating a girl still living with her father. The father disapproves. So your options are pretty crystal clear:
1) Call and speak with the father man-to-man style. Set up a meeting if you can (someplace neutral if possible, or visit their place if he insists -- remember, you're the one asking for something here), and convince him that you're not just some "loser who can't get girls his own age, preying on his little girl who just likes you because you're older, and if I keep you two apart it will pass." This is what the father is thinking, and unless you can talk to him like a man, this is what he will always think. Also, if you can't face him, you'll more or less be proving him right.
If you can't succeed on that front, or you can't man up and face him like that, your options are:
2) Wait until she's on her own to pursue anything. Which from the sounds of things you seem pretty unwilling to do.
3) Sneak behind everyone's back and see her anyway. And you WILL get caught. And it will end painfully. And it's the worst possible reaction. I highly advise against this.
4) Give up and pursue someone else.
I don't know how long you have been seeing each other. If it's been a long time and you haven't met her father, that's a problem in and of itself. If it's been a short time, he's trying to nip it in the bud before it gets serious.
Sorry if it sounds harsh. But moaning around about it fixes nothing, and the longer you wait the harder it will be. If she's awesome and worth pursuing, you gotta man up and face the Dad. If you can't, you're either too immature to handle the relationship that will follow (no matter how close 20 to 16 sounds, there will be a lot of problems you will need to work around, and yes a maturity level difference is one of them), or she's not worth it anyway and you need to move on.
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On November 26 2011 10:11 ArcticFox wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2011 09:42 subV wrote:
There is a huge maturity difference between 16 and 20, at least there should be. I assume she is still in high school, you've graduated for two years now. My mentality in high school was so much different than it is now (I'm 21 now and if I ever met my 16 year old self, I would punch him in the face for being so goddamn stupid), and I couldn't imagine dating somebody with that same kind of high school mentality.
You may believe this, and it may be true, but trying to tell all this to someone blinded by love is going to be like beating your head against the wall, regardless of age. Truth is, the situation is very simple. You're dating a girl still living with her father. The father disapproves. So your options are pretty crystal clear: 1) Call and speak with the father man-to-man style. Set up a meeting if you can (someplace neutral if possible, or visit their place if he insists -- remember, you're the one asking for something here), and convince him that you're not just some "loser who can't get girls his own age, preying on his little girl who just likes you because you're older, and if I keep you two apart it will pass." This is what the father is thinking, and unless you can talk to him like a man, this is what he will always think. Also, if you can't face him, you'll more or less be proving him right. If you can't succeed on that front, or you can't man up and face him like that, your options are: 2) Wait until she's on her own to pursue anything. Which from the sounds of things you seem pretty unwilling to do. 3) Sneak behind everyone's back and see her anyway. And you WILL get caught. And it will end painfully. And it's the worst possible reaction. I highly advise against this. 4) Give up and pursue someone else. I don't know how long you have been seeing each other. If it's been a long time and you haven't met her father, that's a problem in and of itself. If it's been a short time, he's trying to nip it in the bud before it gets serious. Sorry if it sounds harsh. But moaning around about it fixes nothing, and the longer you wait the harder it will be. If she's awesome and worth pursuing, you gotta man up and face the Dad. If you can't, you're either too immature to handle the relationship that will follow (no matter how close 20 to 16 sounds, there will be a lot of problems you will need to work around, and yes a maturity level difference is one of them), or she's not worth it anyway and you need to move on.
Option 1 is where we stand right now, seems like it's the same advice there across the board from whoever I talk to (that is being supportive). Failing this I hate to say it but 4 is the most likely next step. 2 would make for a nice story, but the reality of it is tough to imagine, let alone act on.
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Alright, on a more serious note, it really depends on what the dad says. He's the legal guardian of the girl, and it almost sounds like it would be demeaning to her life if you are to keep being with her. If you can convince the dad that you are an okay guy, maybe it'll work great.
Time also has a factor, maybe you just caught him during a bad week? Maybe he'll be more reasonable if you drop it for a few days?
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ok so you're a 20 year old university drop out attending highschool, and you fall in love with a 16 year old and then her dad gets mad and forbids it.. oh, and you add "what do" in a very 4chanish style. i would say get your act together and go to university and date someone your own age when it isn't illegal to touch them. the dad can fuck you up legally so many ways that you're a complete idiot if you pursue her after he was nice enough to warn you.
edit` feels bad man and forever alone blog predicted for the future.
edit number two
On November 26 2011 09:17 ABagOfFritos wrote:
my girl
lol, she's not your girl apparently, shes the school and her dad's girl.
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On November 26 2011 10:56 Endymion wrote:ok so you're a 20 year old university drop out attending highschool, and you fall in love with a 16 year old and then her dad gets mad and forbids it.. oh, and you add "what do" in a very 4chanish style. i would say get your act together and go to university and date someone your own age when it isn't illegal to touch them. the dad can fuck you up legally so many ways that you're a complete idiot if you pursue her after he was nice enough to warn you. edit` feels bad man and forever alone blog predicted for the future. edit number two lol, she's not your girl apparently, shes the school and her dad's girl.
The assumptions in this post are astounding. I'm not a dropout, I completed two full years at a local University with a 3.0 and didn't find anything I really enjoyed, so I registered to attend a local school which accepts both highschool and post-secondary students. And as has been stated several times, the relationship is completely legal.
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On November 26 2011 09:37 Grettin wrote:
Age difference aside, have you asked the girl to talk with her mother? If she could talk to the father and maybe convince him to let you talk with all of them?
Don't know if you know but in canada the legal age is 16. He is doing nothing wrong, and can't be pursued legally by the father for anything unless she doesn't want it.
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Well, my opinion: Nock in her door and try to talk man to man with her dad, Explain your fellings and our intentions and bla bla , either he ll accpt or tell you to GTFO.
If he dont accpt it , there is nothing that you can do ... and i would advice to forget this cos rly dont worth go to jail or some other sh1t like this ...
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EPT
