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So this girl.
My best friend, we start a relationship. In all honesty, it was her that instigated it. I would have kept my feelings shut up, because I don't change things. So we tried. Relationship-wise, we were probably just too different. She's been around, she was my first kiss. She said I wasn't touchy, make-out enough. Making out is how she deals with depression. I can understand that.
So she said she wants to play around in high school. She doesn't want to be tied down. She wants to make out with who she wants, yadda yadda. Cool, I can understand, we're too different with what we want in a relationship. We're still good. Still watch movies, hang out, even cuddled after it was ended.
Then she says she feels awkward with that. Ok, I understand, makes sense. Let's just be friends, how we used to be. I'll be your best friend, you be mine, like we have been for 5 years.
She stops being too eager to talk to me or see me for a week or two, even when I text her or try to talk to her about how crappy I'm feeling. That hurts. I was thinking she was feeling like it was still awkward, and was kind of giving up on our friendship. Last night she texts me (and texts me first, yes!). She seems really eager to talk, asks me how I'm feeling, etc. My worry is gone. This morning she finds where I'm at in one of my classes and comes by just to give me a hug. That felt good. I'm worrying about nothing. Back to normal, nothing ever happened.
So tonight I'm on Facebook, and it says she's in a relationship with so-and-so. What? You don't want to be tied down in high school? And you just broke up with me three weeks ago? Why start a relationship with me in the first place? I should have known better. She's going to cheat on him. I'm the only guy she hasn't cheated on while in an official relationship, and that's due to our great friendship.
It just feels crappy. I mean, it's her life. I'm not going to be angry. Just be consistent with me. Be my friend because you want to; don't be insincere talking to me and everything because you broke up with me and are with another guy, and feel bad for me.
Life isn't over or anything. I just expected more from her, I guess, even if that's wrong. I'll move on. Not much lost, but nothing gained either.
Blogging always makes me feel better. Thanks for reading.
 
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Seems like she ain't worth the time.
Better luck next time mate. No point feeling bad for people if they don't feel bad for themselves. Being a friendly shoulder is one thing, but shouldering everything is something else.
Have a drink, catch up with other mates and find better friends.
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Bloody hell, that was an emotional rollercoaster (read through the other 2 blog posts). Sometimes I think I am better off being forever alone than in a dodgy relationship! Unlucky broski, plenty mo' fish and all that. You sound like a swell guy too, just brush off the dirt and keep on trucking. Sorry about all the clichés, it's 4 in the morning and I have been reading law for 12 hours, brain not working. I considered this blog and the others as some 'light reading' to distract me for a while :/.
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Unfortunately for you, you've been friend-zoned - she gave it a go with you because she was confused on whether you're in the relationship or the friend-zone, but I have a feeling she has found the answer now.
She feels bad for you because that's how friends should feel for each other. Also, if she wanted relationship if you, she wouldn't discuss her relationship with her new bf with you.
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a lot of people have a no-best-friend policy. not trying to give you shit for it, nor is this the time, but yeah. sorry dude, happened to me too, i understand the pain v.v
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don't take it hard. You should talk with her and explain how it would have been 100x better if she was just honest about it.
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"Friend Zone" is a great place to be. In my experience when people have a breakup it's their friends that they goto for comfort. Just be sure to have clean sheets on your bed and keep it tidy. I value the friendships I've had in my life over the many relationships. I don't even remember some girls or know what ex's are doing with their lives... but I do still love my friends. And who says friends can't sleep together when they're both single?
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Abandon ship! Sounds like a classic friend-zoning, and she isn't worth your time anymore. I mean if you can make a friendship still work then go for it, but you're in the zone of the friends. Stay awhile and listen..
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Off-topic, but I like how you wrote this.
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Sign up for a boxing class together, give her a propper beating. Then go back to being friends, that's probably a good idea. (Whenever you're feeling a bit lousy because of it, you can just smile, nod your head and bring up images of you beating the crap outta her).
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On November 17 2011 13:01 Dalguno wrote:
high school.
That about sums it up. Been there, bro.
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Reading Blogs makes me feel good. Thanks for writing.
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Your being too needy. You say your ok with things when your not. The problem lies in the fact you went from best friends to being in a relationship. Relationship ends, returning back to best friends become an issue.
You used to turn to her to make you feel better. As a best friend, and as a boyfriend. Now, as you can see, 2 different roles involving the same action. Now your not her bf, but you are acting as if you are. But you say, no we are best friends and as that role I expect her to respond to my needs.
Here's the thing: girls in highschool like/ need attention. It validates who they are, America is especially worse with te social heirarchy and being cool/ being liked by boys/ etc.
What you can do: nothing. You need to stop acting like her boyfiend, and best friend. You just have to be her friend, SUPPORT her, but when she wants your attntion, the same way you want hers, you don't indulge in it. It ain't healthy.
I'm on my phone so i'm pretty much strictly speaking the rational side of things, and not the emotional. I understand it doesn't feel nice, (understatement).
It's important how you behave now, because it will dictate how you will respond to future women problems
Plenty of fish in the sea ur too young to care about one
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On November 17 2011 13:54 heroofcanton wrote:That about sums it up. Been there, bro.
This. As far as relationships go, don't take anything that seriously if you're still in high school. You'll realize that as you grow up.
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On November 17 2011 14:13 kethers wrote:Show nested quote +On November 17 2011 13:54 heroofcanton wrote:On November 17 2011 13:01 Dalguno wrote:
high school.
That about sums it up. Been there, bro. This. As far as relationships go, don't take anything that seriously if you're still in high school. You'll realize that as you grow up.
I'm not taking the relationship too seriously. I knew that it had potential to end pretty easily. That's why I'm just fine with just being friends. Like I said, I'd just be happier with some consistency or honesty.
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Osaka27130 Posts
On November 17 2011 14:13 kethers wrote:Show nested quote +On November 17 2011 13:54 heroofcanton wrote:On November 17 2011 13:01 Dalguno wrote:
high school.
That about sums it up. Been there, bro. This. As far as relationships go, don't take anything that seriously if you're still in high school. You'll realize that as you grow up.
Yep. But that doesn't mean the pain right now is any less real. There is no cure for it man, it is just called life. Highs and lows.
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"Making out is how she deals with depression."
Not healthy to go into a relationship with more than 0 parties being depressed, unfortunately.
If that certain someone hooks up every few weeks or so, it's better to have lost than to continue loving (easier said that done, =( ).
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It probably hurts, but seriously you just gotta shrug it off and move on. If she is a valuable friend she WILL come around and apologize someday. But for now, find a new crush, new hobby, or just swear off girls for the rest of HS altogether. I mean, you should be focusing on your studies anyways.. >.>
I tried to create an artificial crush in my sophomore year of HS on an upperclassman. She was hot. That's all I needed.
Got my mind off of the girl I pined over for like 6 years in a heartbeat. Yeah, some may say it's some stupid shit. But it worked. And now I have a beautiful girlfriend of 6 months that I can't get enough of.
Life works out in the end man. Just pull through.
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http://heartiste.wordpress.com/
Read this blog.
Also - girls can never be a man's best friend, girls think differently and just cannot relate to a lot of your problems.
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Stuff like this sucks. I was there in high school too, lost a friend over something as trivial as romantic feelings. It's tough to hear, but you just sort of have to bear it. It sounds ridiculously cliche, but all problems right themselves in due time, as long as you maintain the right attitude.
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On November 17 2011 15:17 RageBot wrote:http://heartiste.wordpress.com/Read this blog. Also - girls can never be a man's best friend, girls think differently and just cannot relate to a lot of your problems.
I sincerely disagree with that. Being friends with someone of the opposite gender can be difficult especially (assuming you aren't homosexual) as you're automatically programmed to try find something in them to be attracted to. Admittedly my best friend started off as a mild crush, but we became really strong friends and still speak and email sometimes, even though we're in different countries at the moment. While it is harder to not be attracted to them, it isn't impossible - and it often gives you a fresh new perspective on ways to potentially deal with problems.
I speak from experience. My best friend (of the opposite sex) and I have been friends for 6 years now and we're both in relationships with another.
EDIT: to be fair it is all very subjective and there are exceptions, and exceptions to that too. I'm mostly disagreeing that generalizing people of a certain gender is something I feel is wrong. What about a girl who grew up with a lot of brothers? A girl who can relate and sympathise and understand your problems?
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Someday, you'll realize the drama of high school was just a bunch of stupid kids playing around with each others' emotions. You can't help but think this is your whole life right now, but it really isn't, and one thing the future holds is the ability to heal the past, because unless you let it, in a year this won't matter anymore, or you'll be using what you learned to help you improve and develop as a person. Don't do anything too drastic right now, and you'll be glad you didn't later when everything's different and you don't care about this stuff at all.
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I read the other blog too. You spoke so highly of her before.
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On November 18 2011 11:08 obesechicken13 wrote:
I read the other blog too. You spoke so highly of her before.
Yeah just really put off right now. We'll still be friends. I've just got to get over myself I guess, stop making a big deal about it. Such is life.
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shes kinda doing the same thing that you have been doing, ie feeling that a lot of the relationship between you is based on attraction rather than that plain "friendship"
once that happens, youll feel shitty because you feel shitty because youre attracted to her and she isnt to you
and shell feel shitty because suddenly the emphasis for her is that you arent attractive to her and so she doesnt want much to do with you
does this make any sense to you? (poorly written i know)
anyway you cant judge a person of the opposite sex until you've spent a lot of time absorbing all the information about how differently we think to one another. a link just got posted in the PUA thread (gen forum?) that you should read to give you a starting insight
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On November 18 2011 11:31 FFGenerations wrote:
shes kinda doing the same thing that you have been doing, ie feeling that a lot of the relationship between you is based on attraction rather than that plain "friendship"
once that happens, youll feel shitty because you feel shitty because youre attracted to her and she isnt to you
and shell feel shitty because suddenly the emphasis for her is that you arent attractive to her and so she doesnt want much to do with you
does this make any sense to you? (poorly written i know)
anyway you cant judge a person of the opposite sex until you've spent a lot of time absorbing all the information about how differently we think to one another. a link just got posted in the PUA thread (gen forum?) that you should read to give you a starting insight
I don't know, we've been pretty platonic our entire relationship as friends. It's never been based on attraction. Everyone needs to know, she's been my best friend for a very long time.
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Can bring a horse to water, but can't make him drink. Or in a more modern phrase; "can't make a ho a housewife."
I've dated too many of these in my life now and It's shitty but this is what lots of girls do. They just bounce around from guy to guy trying to get attention and pleasure without any acknowledgement of anything but their own happiness. And even not even realizing that this makes them happy only for fleeting moments and not solving their overall unhappiness. It's almost like they are drug addicts just looking for a temporary fix all the time.
Call it daddy issues, sluttiness, or whatever you want. It's just a matter of figuring it out and getting out before you get hurt.
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Your story is similar to my bestfriend and I.
But she didnt go off dating some one else lol. And we are still best friends. You just have to be there for her but dont let her you will always be there for her like a rag doll. Just be her friend and do whats best for you.
Good luck man.
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On November 18 2011 11:44 Dalguno wrote:Show nested quote +On November 18 2011 11:31 FFGenerations wrote:
shes kinda doing the same thing that you have been doing, ie feeling that a lot of the relationship between you is based on attraction rather than that plain "friendship"
once that happens, youll feel shitty because you feel shitty because youre attracted to her and she isnt to you
and shell feel shitty because suddenly the emphasis for her is that you arent attractive to her and so she doesnt want much to do with you
does this make any sense to you? (poorly written i know)
anyway you cant judge a person of the opposite sex until you've spent a lot of time absorbing all the information about how differently we think to one another. a link just got posted in the PUA thread (gen forum?) that you should read to give you a starting insight I don't know, we've been pretty platonic our entire relationship as friends. It's never been based on attraction. Everyone needs to know, she's been my best friend for a very long time.
ya but you dated didnt you iirc, which made both of your perceptions/interactions with one another suddenly become attraction-related. like it adds a new depth between you - unfortunately its a negative (she lost attraction for you) , and she thought a lot less of you for a while (didnt wanna talk to you) , but fortunately it looks like it played out well (probably thanks to your maturity). u need to move on, continue to build yourself, maybe try again with her in a few years when you can be more attractive to her
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On November 18 2011 12:14 FFGenerations wrote:Show nested quote +On November 18 2011 11:44 Dalguno wrote:On November 18 2011 11:31 FFGenerations wrote:
shes kinda doing the same thing that you have been doing, ie feeling that a lot of the relationship between you is based on attraction rather than that plain "friendship"
once that happens, youll feel shitty because you feel shitty because youre attracted to her and she isnt to you
and shell feel shitty because suddenly the emphasis for her is that you arent attractive to her and so she doesnt want much to do with you
does this make any sense to you? (poorly written i know)
anyway you cant judge a person of the opposite sex until you've spent a lot of time absorbing all the information about how differently we think to one another. a link just got posted in the PUA thread (gen forum?) that you should read to give you a starting insight I don't know, we've been pretty platonic our entire relationship as friends. It's never been based on attraction. Everyone needs to know, she's been my best friend for a very long time. ya but you dated didnt you iirc, which made both of your perceptions/interactions with one another suddenly become attraction-related. like it adds a new depth between you - unfortunately its a negative (she lost attraction for you) , and she thought a lot less of you for a while (didnt wanna talk to you) , but fortunately it looks like it played out well (probably thanks to your maturity). u need to move on, continue to build yourself, maybe try again with her in a few years when you can be more attractive to her
Yeah, good advice. Thanks 
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EPT
