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Genuine FIRST IMPRESSIONS, hm?
I like this blog.
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
On November 07 2011 19:16 mizU wrote:
Genuine FIRST IMPRESSIONS, hm?
I like this blog.
I wonder if it's even possible to "respect" someone from just a first impression.
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ALLEYCAT BLUES50196 Posts
On November 07 2011 19:19 thedeadhaji wrote:Show nested quote +On November 07 2011 19:16 mizU wrote:
Genuine FIRST IMPRESSIONS, hm?
I like this blog. I wonder if it's even possible to "respect" someone from just a first impression.
its not, while first impression is important, its not everything.
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
by "it", are you referring to the weak tie hypothesis?
(by the way, fascinating theory - I'm curious to learn more about it)
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I don't understand it fully, but somehow the weak ties in networking are fucking important.
It: It's less about the hypothesis,
The "weak tie hypothesis" argues, using a combination of probability and mathematics, as originally stated by Anatol Rapoport in 1957, that if A is linked to both B and C, then there is a greater-than-chance probability that B and C are linked to each other:[8]
and more about the weak ties themselves, and why having many weak ties is useful.
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Unfortunately you're wrong and keeping the personal/professional network is a guarantee for success.
I'm not good at keeping the network alive and adding people to my network because i think just as you, and dislike being superficial and all. But jesus, i've meet people who are really social freaks and have a very large network with whom they actually spend a shitload of time keeping in touch.
From my personal experiences (and others stories) the people who are good at enlarging and keeping connection to everyone in their network are far more successful than those who don't.
My current boss is that kind. He just keeps talking to everyone he met and who present an interest to him from business partners to totally unrelated successful people. He gives a call now and then and has an amazing courage to just call people who he hasn't met in ages and ask for favors "hey it's me alex, we met about 5 years ago, how are you? how are your children? *insert random flattering comment* *talk about what he's currently doing so others feel informed as well* can you help me with bla bla bla" and fuck it works most of the time. It really takes guts to do it. Anytime he's got a problem, for anyfuckingthing he just does some calls and boom finds somebody who knows somebody who's a sister of somebody of someone he needs.
I also have an ex-colleague that's exactly like that. Even though she's way worse competence-wise/study-wise/cv-wise/anything-wise than some friends of mine she managed to get a job only 4 days after quitting. She just called everyone in her network and somebody gave her a job. That while my friends are still searching and going to interviews and etc.
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United States24692 Posts
I don't think either extreme (what Haji said or what Pika Chu said) is necessarily a solid truth.
Maintaining a personal network in relevant domains is very important for being successful, both professionally and otherwise. True. How you maintain that network can vary a lot from person to person and be successful in any case.
I have done a pretty good job of getting to know everyone (not literally) who works in my field in my region... or at least the people who matter. I make an effort to expand who I know (for example, attend a certain conference once or twice a year which lots of leaders show up at), but I don't really go out of my way to keep in touch with contacts I've made. For me, that happens automatically. There's nothing weird about me getting in touch with someone after a few years to discuss whatever it is I want to discuss with them. This can vary from field to field though, I guess.
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
> Pika Chu
Do you think your boss could have maintained his so called network had he not conveyed his character and abilities in some way shape or form?
Also, how big of a "favor" do you think he could ask for from the majority of his network?
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I will admit though that I intentionally took a very polarized stance on this subject. I myself partake in periodic communication for network maintenance, but I think this act is only meaningful if you already have a genuine relationship (or a start of one) with the person.
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
On November 07 2011 19:57 blubbdavid wrote:I don't understand it fully, but somehow the weak ties in networking are fucking important. It: It's less about the hypothesis, Show nested quote +The "weak tie hypothesis" argues, using a combination of probability and mathematics, as originally stated by Anatol Rapoport in 1957, that if A is linked to both B and C, then there is a greater-than-chance probability that B and C are linked to each other:[8] and more about the weak ties themselves, and why having many weak ties is useful.
I thought about this a bit, and I think it's really straightforward.
Universe is A through Z.
There is a certain probability x that two unrelated entities will spawn a weak bond. There is another probability y that this weak bond will become a strong bond.
You have A, B, and C.
A & B and A & C have strong ties.
Then the probability of B&C having a weak bond is certainly greater than x, since their relationship is nonrandom. There's a better than average chance of B&C meeting one another through mutual acquaintance A.
Also, weak ties are meaningful because many of the "favors" we ask people are pretty trivial. Examples include: can you forward my resume to the hiring manager in your company / I'd like to ask that person you know to discuss something.
But let's say you have D, E, and F who are connected by weak ties. I think that for D to ask E to connect him to F, E must feel that D is both a quality person and that he has the credentials for the gesture to be justified. In other words, E must feel that D is worth F's time.
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Doesn't this just come down to how to treat people in general?
As you say, some people you can only contact every once in a while and nothing has changed. I am terrible at maintaining contact but I am more than happy to ask people I haven't spoken to in a long time for advice. There is a difference between fostering fake relationships and geniunely asking for help.
To me, if I have met you before, I have an opening to ask whatever I want as long as I take the right approach. Surely whether I have sent you a christmas card or not makes no difference? Maybe I am naive but people are normally generally very helpful if you show initiative.
Ps Haji, I finally got to read moneyball, you're right very surprising book. Thanks!  (see this)
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
> Probulous
Glad you enjoyed it! (hopefully)
I think you're right. My opinions are skewed because I recently saw someone who truly believed that the way to cultivating his network was the proliferate fake relationships. Because I was so disgusted at his approach, I seem to voice a very distinct position from his behavior, even though my own actions are probably closer to the middle.
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On November 07 2011 19:19 thedeadhaji wrote:Show nested quote +On November 07 2011 19:16 mizU wrote:
Genuine FIRST IMPRESSIONS, hm?
I like this blog. I wonder if it's even possible to "respect" someone from just a first impression.
This is so foreign to me.
The people closest to me in life, and many of my life models are people I knew I would come to respect based solely off my first impression of them.
That said, outside of those rare occasions, I am very careful who I give respect.
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
> Ack
I feel that "I knew I would come to respect off of my first impression" and being able to actually have respect for them just from a first impression are very different things. In the former, you're surely giving yourself a chance to correct yourself if needed.
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one of my greatest instructors (who's helped me get a leg-up in the biz) is the CIO of the company he works for. (i was lucky to have had him as the last instructor at my school)
he preached to us all after our class that, really, the biggest thing to get ahead in the industry is networking and keeping in touch. that's why he's where he's at
i've been fortunate enough for him to introduce me to a few of his good contacts and i've made relationships there... and i have spread them out by meeting more of their ties... and to put it into perspective - a benefit of this for me is that i will be interviewing soon for a job that is more than double my current salary (currently a bit above average for my degree+age)
it may seem stupid to you now, but it will eventually all make sense
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EPT
