EPTStarCraft Essay turned into my College Class - Page 2
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Keifru
United States179 Posts
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Suc
Australia1569 Posts
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Rokusha
United States207 Posts
On October 20 2011 13:35 Bacon-X wrote: Yeah but like I said i had no time i had to do it last minute and i was forced to write about females in games and avatars since those were articles in the book and we had to quote the articles in our text book. so yeah.. it doesn't flow i know but i had to do that. You should have revolved your essay around those qoutes tbh, and reference starcraft and other videogames because it looked like a rush essay with 2 quotes thrown in for the sake of having quotes. | ||
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Tektos
Australia1321 Posts
On October 20 2011 13:35 Bacon-X wrote: Yeah but like I said i had no time i had to do it last minute and i was forced to write about females in games and avatars since those were articles in the book and we had to quote the articles in our text book. so yeah.. it doesn't flow i know but i had to do that. If you had to write about females in games and avatars why didnt you write about females in games and avatars rather than trying to force your essay to be about starcraft while plonking a tiny little bit about each of those topics randomly in the middle of your essay? | ||
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Noak3
United States236 Posts
Not to say that it's not cool that you wrote an essay on starcraft for a college essay, but you can't post something like that and then complain that it's getting criticized. | ||
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WinteRR
Australia201 Posts
Uni/college in the US sounds dreamy! | ||
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Ruscour
5233 Posts
On October 20 2011 13:37 SpectralFremen wrote: Sorry for my honesty. I'll write what you want to hear instead of what you need to hear instead. The essay is fantastic, you are surely going to pass with flying colours. If your teacher gives you anything less then perfect marks you should sue them for harassment. Spectral dropping bombs. Maybe I misunderstand what 'college' means in other countries. We're talking university, right? | ||
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13JackaL
United States577 Posts
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itsjustatank
Hong Kong9153 Posts
On October 20 2011 13:16 Bacon-X wrote: When first starting to play, players may feel overwhelmed with the amount of content they have to learn. For example, all the structures, units, abilities, build orders, strategies, and which units are good against which. Second sentence is a fragment. Also, do not end sentences with prepositions in academic writing. On October 20 2011 13:16 Bacon-X wrote: The basic worker units of the Zerg, are called “Drones”. Punctuation goes inside quotes. Here, it should be "Drones." On October 20 2011 13:16 Bacon-X wrote: If you dream of playing the game professionally, you must have very quick reaction times and a minimum of 200 APM (Actions Per Minute). I feel that it is better practice to introduce the long form of an acronym before the acronym itself. In the case of this sentence, the better form would be Actions Per Minute (APM). Speaking of actions per minute, you do not take the time to explain to the reader what that term actually means. That omission detracts somewhat from your conclusion in the proceeding sentence where you state that the game is not a "kid's game." On October 20 2011 13:16 Bacon-X wrote: Female players on StarCraft are still low in numbers, but their recognition in the game is invaluable. Many female portraits exist in the game, many of which males choose to wear as well. Females are also represented in the games units. The medivac, a flying aircraft piloted by a female, has a healing beam and the ability to load up units. Medivacs are essential for healing your army and are crucial for harassment. Without these female heroes, the entire game would be imbalanced. Many female gamers dislike female representation in games because “When the female avatar is hypersexualized, it is highly likely the female player won’t even consider the title.” (Sheri Graner Ray, 327). In StarCraft, females are not hypersexualized, in fact, they are just as important as the male characters. Kerrigan, a female known as “The Queen of Blades”, controls the Zerg, the bug-like alien race. StarCraft acknowledges its female audience and represents them equally. “Ideologically, it is vitally important that girls play and enjoy computer games because it increases their comfort level with technology, and this is essential for them to maintain economic parity with males in today’s society.” (Sheri Graner Ray, 328). Alright, here it just seems like you are throwing in quotes from some required feminism text into your paper. The cites do not flow with the text and they just occupy space instead of complementing the arguments that you are making. Readability stats place this around 10th grade work, I wrote a book on English grammatical usage and common errors that included an essay-writing strategy guide as a university senior project. Some of that critical gaze still has not rubbed off of me. I'm sorry if this post seems nitpicky. | ||
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SpectralFremen
Australia386 Posts
On October 20 2011 13:42 Ruscour wrote: Spectral dropping bombs. Maybe I misunderstand what 'college' means in other countries. We're talking university, right? Basically yeah. US College = Post High school education so tafe/uni. btw Hi :D | ||
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jazzminkey
United States53 Posts
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Bacon-X
United States266 Posts
On October 20 2011 13:37 SpectralFremen wrote: Sorry for my honesty. I'll write what you want to hear instead of what you need to hear instead. The essay is fantastic, you are surely going to pass with flying colours. If your teacher gives you anything less then perfect marks you should sue them for harassment. haha you might be an asshole. but you're a funny asshole! xD! hahah | ||
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naggerNZ
New Zealand708 Posts
Also, I wrote and handed in an essay I wrote for my linguistics class about Artosis and Tasteless and got an A minus for it. | ||
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Bacon-X
United States266 Posts
On October 20 2011 13:38 Suc wrote: I doubt you will really get in trouble, but do you know if they use any systems like Turnitin that search for plagiarism? I didn't plagiarize this is my own work. | ||
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SpectralFremen
Australia386 Posts
On October 20 2011 13:46 Bacon-X wrote: haha you might be an asshole. but you're a funny asshole! xD! hahah Um. Cheers. | ||
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Bacon-X
United States266 Posts
On October 20 2011 13:41 Noak3 wrote: If you posted a college essay and labelled it as one on to a site that contains a number of essay-length post on starcraft that are written much better, you had to have expected this. Not to say that it's not cool that you wrote an essay on starcraft for a college essay, but you can't post something like that and then complain that it's getting criticized. i don't mind it getting criticized... I dislike the posts that say i'm dumb or some shit though. | ||
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Bacon-X
United States266 Posts
On October 20 2011 13:48 naggerNZ wrote: This doesn't seem college level. Really short and seriously lacking content and citations. Also, I wrote and handed in an essay I wrote for my linguistics class about Artosis and Tasteless and got an A minus for it. Hahaha!! dude thats so epic!! lol!! | ||
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Suc
Australia1569 Posts
That's irrelevant. I'm referring to the fact that you posted this on the internet, which is one of the places that Turnitin checks. It will search the internet and find your essay. If you copy and pasted this from the thing that you submitted, it will be a 100% match. I assume your lecturer or someone would talk to you and you will say that that was you posting it online, which is why I said you probably won't get into trouble. But still, if they are using Turnitin or something, not the greatest idea to post your work online. | ||
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eVolvE342
157 Posts
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a9arnn
United States1537 Posts
Good luck with your essay!! Hopefully it'll get a good grade, if you get to revise it later :D | ||
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