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I am so fond of Hyperbole and a Half, I decided to write a blog mimicking the style! Enjoy!
I was a fairly normal child when I was younger. I chased boys around with the other girls like a pack of rabid canines, only to find upon catching them that we actually had no idea what to do. Generally, we resorted to kissing them, believing that the normally fond act was some sort of torturous cooty-infesting attack.
![[image loading]](http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o4/GinRyuChan/Sketches/1.png)
![[image loading]](http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o4/GinRyuChan/Sketches/2.png)
![[image loading]](http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o4/GinRyuChan/Sketches/3.png)
![[image loading]](http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o4/GinRyuChan/Sketches/4.png)
Everything was all fine and dandy in my world until I noticed I had troubled reading the blackboard. My parents bought me glasses. At first, they were able to convince me that glasses were cool, since they both had them. I then realized it was a horrific lie and I had been plunged into a world of endless teasing. I was shunned by my wolfpack of girls and forced to hunt on my own.
![[image loading]](http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o4/GinRyuChan/Sketches/5.png)
![[image loading]](http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o4/GinRyuChan/Sketches/6.png)
The teasing was the typical “four-eyed” comments and the like. However, one boy noticed I was very fond of cats and decided to make the teasing more personal. Seven year olds lack creativity when it comes to insults and teasing, so he decided drawing dead cats was the best way to enrage me. He couldn't draw a dead or dying cat, though, so his pictures were of cats with angel wings.
Of course, being the extremely rational and intelligent seven year old I was, I became completely enraged by his acts and was desperate to find a way to stop him from taunting me with them. Complaining to the teachers didn't help, arguing with him just made things worse and ignoring him was completely out of the question. He was talking about dead cats, afterall!
![[image loading]](http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o4/GinRyuChan/Sketches/7.png)
One recess he was taunting me and I decided to turn on “hunting mode.” As before, I had no clue what I would do when I caught him, but I was dedicated to chasing him until I found some way to stop the teasing. He ran, but I was faster. With some dodging, he stayed just out of my reach and shouted taunts back at me. I thought back to what that poor little cat would do... and sprung.
![[image loading]](http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o4/GinRyuChan/Sketches/8.png)
![[image loading]](http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o4/GinRyuChan/Sketches/9-1.png)
![[image loading]](http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o4/GinRyuChan/Sketches/a.png)
The recess teacher was not at all pleased that I had clothes-lined the boy with his own hood. He laid on the ground, gasping and sobbing in his own tears and saliva, while I tried to explain the horrifying taunts about dead cats. She marched me straight to the principals office where the principal tried to deal with me. I decided to abandon the explanation about the dead cats, adults were clearly heartless when it came to felines, and resorted to another method.
![[image loading]](http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o4/GinRyuChan/Sketches/b.png)
![[image loading]](http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o4/GinRyuChan/Sketches/c.png)
![[image loading]](http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o4/GinRyuChan/Sketches/d.png)
The principal stared awkwardly at me as a I broke down into tears. I cried and cried, until she started shifting uncomfortably in her seat, unsure how to handle the situation. I eventually started complaining in between sobs about how terrible glasses were and how I had no more friends and all the boy did was taunt me day after day. After I finally stopped sobbing, I sat in a wet, quivering heap in her oversized desk chair, staring at her for a magic solution. She tried to say some comforting words and told me not to worry.
I was released back to class without warning or punishment and never had to deal with dead cat taunts again. I had learned an important lesson; I could fight against teasing as violently as I wanted as long as I could pity my way out of retribution. Long live cats!
 
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United States37500 Posts
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because You look like a guy with long blonde hair I rated this 5/5
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On July 22 2011 02:25 Kurumi wrote:
because You look like a guy with long blonde hair I rated this 5/5
That's understandable. Everyone loves men with long blonde hair!
On July 22 2011 02:31 Artemis wrote:
Riku you're awesome!
Haha, thank you! ;D
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On July 22 2011 02:25 Kurumi wrote:
because You look like a guy with long blonde hair I rated this 5/5
I thought she looked like a 7 year old girl with long blonde hair 
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For a proposter your stick figures look awfully disfigured.
1/5
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On July 22 2011 02:52 HwangjaeTerran wrote:
For a proposter your stick figures look awfully disfigured.
1/5
...
You clearly haven't read Hyperbole and a Half.
You should probably figure out what someone is actually trying to do before you criticize them for doing it poorly.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/01/wolves.html
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Damn, I wish I had wolfpacks of females chasing ME around all the time. Would make life a lot easier (or would it?)
I need to get out more...
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Fuck cats, especially my own. All it does is sleep and eat. Son of a bitch.
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cats are awesome, i'm taking care of one right now. sleeps, eats, and wakes me up when i sleep on the couch :D
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On July 22 2011 03:07 GigaFlop wrote:
cats are awesome, i'm taking care of one right now. sleeps, eats, and wakes me up when i sleep on the couch :D
That's exactly why I don't like them. Passive animals only pierce a hole in your wallet, nowhere else.
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i just came back to my computer and i was thinking, i havent seen a riku blog so far today, refresh the page and look what i found :D
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Lol cute girl story and illustrations. Love hyperbole and a half. And so sorry for the lil girl... Poor thing getting teased every day then gets sent to the office the one time she freaking does something about it -__-. I always hated that about school. Teachers oblivious to everything except when something "serious" happens. Then it's blame whoever sticks out. Blah school.
Girl tears are def an imba skill though. Even better than burrow.
edit: lol fav pic was most def the girl explaining to the teacher with the cat angel over her head and the hoodie boy faceplanted roflmao.
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On July 22 2011 03:08 SaYyId wrote:Show nested quote +On July 22 2011 03:07 GigaFlop wrote:
cats are awesome, i'm taking care of one right now. sleeps, eats, and wakes me up when i sleep on the couch :D That's exactly why I don't like them. Passive animals only pierce a hole in your wallet, nowhere else.
i'm getting paid $200 to take care of it for the month. isn't -my- wallet being punctured.
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Riku this is pretty offtopic, but how did you find Teamliquid?
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Are they based off PowerPuff Girls?
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On July 22 2011 02:58 eviltomahawk wrote:
Damn, I wish I had wolfpacks of females chasing ME around all the time. Would make life a lot easier (or would it?)
I need to get out more...
Well, just hang out with more 7 year old girls.
+ Show Spoiler +
On July 22 2011 03:08 SaYyId wrote:Show nested quote +On July 22 2011 03:07 GigaFlop wrote:
cats are awesome, i'm taking care of one right now. sleeps, eats, and wakes me up when i sleep on the couch :D That's exactly why I don't like them. Passive animals only pierce a hole in your wallet, nowhere else.
:/
Cats are only passive if you raise them poorly. Ignore a cat and a cat will ignore you.
My cat was my best buddy. We'd play "tag" in the yard (I'd chase her, then she'd chase me), she'd comfort me when I was crying and she'd always greet me with a "mrrrrp!" sounds and kitty-kisses. She had quite the personality, too! When she wanted to go outside and it was raining, she'd hiss at the weather. I made her give me kisses when she wanted out, so, if she in a bad mood, she'd try to ram my face in with her "kiss."
Personally, I think people who dislike cats or think they are anti-social either never had a cat or raised their cat to be anti-social.
On July 22 2011 03:10 StorkHwaiting wrote:
Lol cute girl story and illustrations. Love hyperbole and a half. And so sorry for the lil girl... Poor thing getting teased every day then gets sent to the office the one time she freaking does something about it -__-. I always hated that about school. Teachers oblivious to everything except when something "serious" happens. Then it's blame whoever sticks out. Blah school.
Girl tears are def an imba skill though. Even better than burrow.
edit: lol fav pic was most def the girl explaining to the teacher with the cat angel over her head and the hoodie boy faceplanted roflmao.
Ah, it wasn't too bad! I turned out fine and I used the same method later when a guy stole my lunch. I punched him in the face, though, which is slightly harder to explain. I did get in trouble for that, but not real trouble, just had my parents called. :D My dad told me gj.
On July 22 2011 03:18 Whole wrote:
Riku this is pretty offtopic, but how did you find Teamliquid?
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=243577
On July 22 2011 03:20 SEA_GenesiS wrote:
Are they based off PowerPuff Girls?
No, lol...
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United States4796 Posts
This was an incredibly entertaining read. Five stars for you, Riku. Five stars.
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EPT![[image loading]](http://images.wikia.com/wikiality/images/8/89/Pl-pedo-bear.png)
