Dead Cats (H&H Style) - Page 2

On July 22 2011 04:20 HwangjaeTerran wrote:


Atleast her disfigured stick figure kids have pupils like those of a drug addict.


+ Show Spoiler +

On July 22 2011 04:22 Riku wrote:


Rofl...

I'm sad, Alot.

On July 22 2011 06:45 Eti307 wrote:
This one is amazing:
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/11/dogs-dont-understand-basic-concepts.html

On July 22 2011 02:18 Riku wrote:
I am so fond of Hyperbole and a Half, I decided to write a blog mimicking the style! Enjoy!

I was a fairly normal child when I was younger. I chased boys around with the other girls like a pack of rabid canines, only to find upon catching them that we actually had no idea what to do. Generally, we resorted to kissing them, believing that the normally fond act was some sort of torturous cooty-infesting attack.












Everything was all fine and dandy in my world until I noticed I had troubled reading the blackboard. My parents bought me glasses. At first, they were able to convince me that glasses were cool, since they both had them. I then realized it was a horrific lie and I had been plunged into a world of endless teasing. I was shunned by my wolfpack of girls and forced to hunt on my own.







The teasing was the typical “four-eyed” comments and the like. However, one boy noticed I was very fond of cats and decided to make the teasing more personal. Seven year olds lack creativity when it comes to insults and teasing, so he decided drawing dead cats was the best way to enrage me. He couldn't draw a dead or dying cat, though, so his pictures were of cats with angel wings.


Of course, being the extremely rational and intelligent seven year old I was, I became completely enraged by his acts and was desperate to find a way to stop him from taunting me with them. Complaining to the teachers didn't help, arguing with him just made things worse and ignoring him was completely out of the question. He was talking about dead cats, afterall!





One recess he was taunting me and I decided to turn on “hunting mode.” As before, I had no clue what I would do when I caught him, but I was dedicated to chasing him until I found some way to stop the teasing. He ran, but I was faster. With some dodging, he stayed just out of my reach and shouted taunts back at me. I thought back to what that poor little cat would do... and sprung.









The recess teacher was not at all pleased that I had clothes-lined the boy with his own hood. He laid on the ground, gasping and sobbing in his own tears and saliva, while I tried to explain the horrifying taunts about dead cats. She marched me straight to the principals office where the principal tried to deal with me. I decided to abandon the explanation about the dead cats, adults were clearly heartless when it came to felines, and resorted to another method.









The principal stared awkwardly at me as a I broke down into tears. I cried and cried, until she started shifting uncomfortably in her seat, unsure how to handle the situation. I eventually started complaining in between sobs about how terrible glasses were and how I had no more friends and all the boy did was taunt me day after day. After I finally stopped sobbing, I sat in a wet, quivering heap in her oversized desk chair, staring at her for a magic solution. She tried to say some comforting words and told me not to worry.

I was released back to class without warning or punishment and never had to deal with dead cat taunts again. I had learned an important lesson; I could fight against teasing as violently as I wanted as long as I could pity my way out of retribution. Long live cats!

On July 22 2011 07:50 Servius_Fulvius wrote:
+2 points for pictures

Here's a similar experience. My little brother is 22 (and come to think of it, really big into the WoW competitive scene as well, anywho...), but when he was 5 he was in a wheel chair with hip problems. He got a lot of crap for it, especially from a little girl who would constantly stand in front of him, put her face close to his, and make fun of his chair. Poor little brother . So, being a rational child himself decided that his best course of action was to shut her up at the source. He only choked her for a couple seconds, and honestly the teachers were relieved that it's ALL he did, but the parents threw a fit and my little brother was expelled from preschool.

In conclusion, potential lawsuits trump pity

On July 22 2011 08:04 Riku wrote:


My dad gave me a lecture about how, if I was going to hurt someone, I should hit them in the body, not in the face or arms/legs, because it is much harder for bruising to show on the body.

He also told me to let the other person swing first so I can just claim self defense.

I think I was 8-9 years old when he told me about both of those tips.

On July 22 2011 12:15 OmiDeLta wrote:
...I think I love you.

On July 22 2011 13:43 Servius_Fulvius wrote:


Psh, you gotta be the one to throw the first punch, even if you're going to lose the fight. That way, no matter what happens, you keep your dignity and pride.