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For a long time now its been my goal to make it in to the GM league and I told myself that I would make it in no matter what it took from practicing 8 hours a day to watching replays and vods 24/7, I was determined. As soon as master league came out I made it in to a masters division with some resistance ( took about 4 days of 5+ hours of laddering) and as soon as I got the promotion that I know I deserved I was very happy and felt that I could do anything in sc2 with practice. After I got promoted to masters, however, I stopped playing as hardcore as I used to and only played 2-3 games a day and the rest of the time I'd just chill or watch vods. Shortly after this to my dismay ( was hoping GM would be released far down the road to allow me a lot of time to get better) the announcement for grandmaster league came and I was again determined to make it in to GM quickly after its released. Season 2 hit and I laddered like crazy. I peaked at about rank 150 (in season 1 my highest was 800) in NA with hours of laddering a day and I felt that I deserved that spot EASILY. I was crushing terrans and zergs in macro games, I even at the time got matched vs the rank 1 in the world at the time, sixjax major. GM was going to be released in 4 days and I was looking fantastic. The next day I logged on and I started to lose to random shit. I never felt like I was being outplayed but just that my play and micro specifically wasn't solid enough. Eventually I came to rank 200, 250, 500 and when I hit rank 500 GM came out.
That to me was a kick in the balls but summer was around the corner and with my previous short-lived success on ladder I felt that I could easily make my new goal of being top 10 on NA server ( yes in GM league) because I would have a shit ton of time to practice. The problem is, summer is well on its way and I can't find any motivation to practice. I think the best way to describe how I feel is a bit of anxiety that I know I can achieve GM league because my MMR was there before and I deserved it ( I only play macro games, no bullshit) but I just can't do it. Right now when I spend my bonus pool, that has climbed to 50+ the highest it has been maybe since release, I will be a mere rank 800 in NA, where I have been for probably half a year now :/. The worst part is when I ladder and lose a game, any match up for any reason, I will probably rage to myself, sometimes this turns in to BM to my opponents, sometimes I punch shit like a wall in my house and I can't stop from getting mad anymore. If I play when angry I can barely macro like I normally do and make TERRIBLE decisions like attacking in to planetary fortresses that will make me lose the game. I can't even play vs practice partners and not rage a little bit to myself.
My motivation has gone to an all-time low and I feel cornered. Stop playing is not an option for me. If I play I get angry, If I get angry I lose, if I lose I get further and further away from my goals in sc2.
small edit: I am also fearful of deprogression. I used to be rank 1 in my masters division but I've fallen to rank 20 and now slowly climbing my way back up. I'm 6-1 vs this terran on ladder who I believe is now 1800 pts and I just can't get back to my previous ladder pts even though I feel I am FAR better than I used to be.
Does anyone have any suggestions for motivation or anger-management on ladder?
Also I'm still in high school and its summer break so I have plenty of time to do w.e I want.
small edit: I am also fearful of deprogression. I used to be rank 1 in my masters division but I've fallen to rank 20 and now slowly climbing my way back up. I'm 6-1 vs this terran on ladder who I believe is now 1800 pts and I just can't get back to my previous ladder pts even though I feel I am FAR better than I used to be.
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I had these same feeling too, of deprogression. I was #1 in the world in masters after GM came out, then I stopped playing for a month and I'm having trouble retaking my spot at #1 of my division, let alone a promotion to GM. Just keep at it, it'll come soon. People are just getting a lot better than they use to be.
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Apparently your mentality is wrong and your in a slump. Or players around you has gotten much better.
You need to take a break from playing, like doing sports, going out and all that outdoor stuff.
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Hope this helps, but I think the best advice I can give is about your mindset and fear of being demoted. If grandmasters is your goal, try not to care so much about winning/losing and your ranking. The goal should be improvement. After each game you win, what could you have done to make it better? After a loss, why did you lose? If you can answer these questions, even if you loose to some 3 rax scv all in or 6 pool, you're still improving. If you hit the point where you're just frustrated and not learning anything, simply take a break and get your mind off the game. You should never just be playing the game on autopilot so to speak. Obviously, this process alone can get very frustrating at times, but as long as you are constantly improving yourself, even if you're rank goes down, you're drawing closer to your goal. (Wow that sounds weird.) GL on your journey! XD
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Don't stare yourself to death on making it. For a while (especially now it's summer) try to do other things and enjoy the sun. In the evenings play a few games for fun and don't get stressed about losing them. After all they are just for fun right?
After a few weeks when you cleared your head you can start again playing more if you feel like it. If the sun has done it's job properly you are now more relaxed and it's easier to analyze why you lost and what to do about it. You could for example play a bunch of games where you only focus on your micro. You will probably lose a lot of them because focusing on your micro to improve it, will at the beginning mean you have to take that time from your macro. But as you slowly improve your micro you'll see you can multitask better because the micro is costing you less energy to perform correct as before.
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EPT
