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So I have something of a badmouth. I don't know if it's because I mean to hurt people or I just don't know what to say but I somehow manage to always say the wrong thing, as in the most hurtful thing, all the time. The only time that I'm not like this is when I make small talk with the cab driver.
For example, I took a cab this morning and the driver started talking to me about the weather, which I politely exchanged with him. Then he started talking about Libya and the recent uprisings around the region. Again, I try my best to be as nice as possible.
But later today I was at home and my uncle cooked some food. He's one of the nicest most responsible people I know but I said something that I knew would hurt him about 10 seconds after I had said it. He's always fishing for compliments for his cooking but I usually hate complimenting anyone so I purposely make it seem like I didn't care how it tasted. Obviously the only answer after eating someone's cooking is to say how awesome it was.
This sort of thing goes on with most people in my family. My mom, my sister, anyone. Keep in mind that I'm generally a pretty miserable person to be around but as far as I know I don't want to hurt anyone. I just can't help but make hurtful comments all the time.
I have a theory that because I'm so miserable that I purposely driver other people away by hurting them emotionally so that they don't get close to me. It's not as much about hurting them as it's about hurting myself. At least that's what I'd rather believe.
So, am I responsible for the things that I say or am I compelled to make hurtful comments?
  
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Emotions tend to resonate. I don't think it's an illusion. Try to be more happy! Life is what you make it.
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TL.net isn't a shrink.
That being said I used to have a gigantic potty mouth in my teen years, now I'm 22 and my relationship with my parents is amazing but before that... I've made my mom cry, shes told me that she still remembers shit i've said in the past that could make her cry on queue.
I think you're immature just like everyone was, perhaps a bit of an attitude but you'll grow out of it.
In the meantime, recognize that you're an asshole and often in the wrong and act accordingly.
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You're always responsible for the things you say unless maybe you're being tortured or unwillingly drugged. Sound like you need an outlet for your frustrations with the world. Do you exercise?
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you are just saying the truth. unfortunately the truth hurts a lot of people because in our society few people tell the straight truth, they rather compliment in order not to hurt others feelings or to get into beef.
You decide whether you want to talk the truth and make them accept you as you are or lie to make them feel happy/convenient. it's def. more convenient to lie... and probably gets you thruogh life easier
though i encourage KEEPIN IT REAL, tell the cab driver to stfu and tell your uncle he should better order food!
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On February 25 2011 04:30 buickskylark wrote:
I have a theory that because I'm so miserable that I purposely driver other people away by hurting them emotionally so that they don't get close to me. It's not as much about hurting them as it's about hurting myself. At least that's what I'd rather believe.
So, am I responsible for the things that I say or am I compelled to make hurtful comments?
You're just trying to make excuses. Of course you're responsible for the things you say. Why wouldn't you be? This "it hurts me more than it hurts you" thing doesn't justify your behaviour. It's good that you realize you're being a jerk but don't try and squirm out of the responsibility.
If you want to change, every time you say something mean, make up for it. Say something nice after. It will be awkward but it'll teach you not to do it anymore.
+ Show Spoiler +Your behaviour doesn't really bother me, but I did this too and it does hurt you in the long run. I just wish someone told me at the time to stop being a little shit.
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Well, if you're miserable I would start to excercise or lift some weights, that releases endorphins and generally makes you feel good...
Also, try being nice to people, and compliment them, even if it's against your character... You will find that being nice to others will make YOU happier... Others will treat you better, respect you more and wiit will generally benefit your relationships, resulting in a happier you. Plus its always nice to put a smile on someones face.
Maybe you're miserable, because you're an asshole... Not vice versa.
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the world does nothing to you. it's your attitude solely which creates your own personal heaven or hell
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On February 25 2011 04:30 buickskylark wrote:
So, am I responsible for the things that I say or am I compelled to make hurtful comments?
You are 100% responsible for the things you say. No exceptions.
When you are talking with people it isn't always just about YOU. There's at least two people in the exchange. When you say something hurtful or show disrespect to someone about something they really care about it hurts them, that's not a difficult thing to understand. On the other hand, it wouldn't hurt you nearly as much to either keep your mouth shut or go along with what the person is saying.
Personally, I can't think of a single instance when I regretted NOT being an asshole to someone who is simply trying to make conversation or voice their interests. But I've always regretted the times when I've decided to satisfy my own pettiness by saying retarded hurtful shit.
If you feel that you are being an asshole, you should try conditioning yourself to feel bad about it, or at least rationalize about why it is wrong in your head. Then you can try thinking about what is the right thing to do so you'll know how to react next time.
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I think you should seek treatment. Give yourself a better life and everyone around you will benefit as well.
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It's a good thing that you've identified this as a problem. Solving it will be different for everyone, so I can't tell you what to do. That's what you'll have to figure out yourself.
I think the answer to your last line is both. Apparently, whenever you see an opening to hurt someone, you can't help but go for it. Still, unless you've got a disorder (always a possibility!), you're always responsible for your own actions.
As for options, you could seek professional help. You could start working out. Find a satisfying job. Go traveling. Or you could simply apologize every time you realize you've inadvertently said something hurtful. It's your call what plan you choose.
Good luck mate.
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If people expect you to lie in order to cover for their inflated ego then they aren't worth socializing with. Except if it is a girl of course 
The worst thing you can do is to first hurt people and then feel bad for it. Either you should stop caring about it or you should watch your mouth better, it is easier to stop caring first since it will free up a lot of thoughts and will make it easier to stop it. Not praising someones food is hardly that offensive and it happens all the time, by the way.
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I think it's a good thing that you have identified this as a problem. That's the first step. So many people go on being jerks forever and not even realizing they are being a huge jerk. This is great and don't beat yourself up about it, you are on the road to becoming a nice person!
However! If you fail to work at it and knowingly continue being a jerk to people even though you have identified the problem, then you should definitely beat yourself up about it and feel like a real genuine jerk.
You owe it to yourself and all around you to drop the attitude. Who knows, you may find your own life better that way and be a more happy person yourself.
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hooray!! as GreatFall has said just recognizing this problem is a huge leap and is your first step on the path to relaxation. I wish you the best of luck and don't really have any good advice besides...
some people will never grow up
speak your mind, even if it is hurtful
vaporize cannabis
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EPT
