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What if a weird prophet that you know only tells the truth said that this girl is the one for you, your best bet for reaching romantic happiness? Would your morals still stop you?
Now tell me, is there a girl that's closer to that ideal one than June at the moment?
Go for it imo. If there's lessons to learn from this, learn them first hand, don't back away just because X might turn out as Y which might lead to some imaginary unpleasant Z.
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Dude just play it by ear, it's useless to plan this sort of stuff out from the beginning anyhow. if she's great, good, if not, dump her
don't ever build your future around a girl
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On February 08 2011 05:02 danl9rm wrote:Show nested quote +I don’t have her number, nor do I have her on facebook. I don’t know if it would be appropriate to try to contact her. BS. Don't add confusion to the matter just to get what you want. Plus, she cheated on him, she'll cheat on you.
Only if he is as incapable as her old boyfriend at meeting her needs.
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On February 08 2011 05:21 Catch]22 wrote:Show nested quote +On February 08 2011 05:02 danl9rm wrote:I don’t have her number, nor do I have her on facebook. I don’t know if it would be appropriate to try to contact her. BS. Don't add confusion to the matter just to get what you want. Plus, she cheated on him, she'll cheat on you. Only if he is as incapable as her old boyfriend at meeting her needs.
some girls just cheat for the hell of it
and you usually won't find out until it's too late
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On February 08 2011 03:29 Chill wrote: A wiser man also said once a cheater always a cheater.
An even wiser man also said, "Everyone is a cheater given enough time and the right circumstances."
You aren't making her cheat. Don't encourage her to cheat. But if you think you are a good guy and you can offer her something better, then, DAMMIT SON, GET YOURS!
If I waited for every girl I was interested in with a boyfriend pass by without giving it a shot, I'd have missed my best relationships and some amazing girls.
Make it happen, Cap'n! Give it your all, if it doesn't work, shrug and move on. If it works out, invite me to the wedding.
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On February 08 2011 05:46 Sleight wrote:Show nested quote +On February 08 2011 03:29 Chill wrote: A wiser man also said once a cheater always a cheater. An even wiser man also said, "Everyone is a cheater given enough time and the right circumstances."
nah i believe that was just the dude just trying to deceive himself into thinking that shie aint a ho because he really, really wanted to get laid
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On February 08 2011 05:48 Hawk wrote:Show nested quote +On February 08 2011 05:46 Sleight wrote:On February 08 2011 03:29 Chill wrote: A wiser man also said once a cheater always a cheater. An even wiser man also said, "Everyone is a cheater given enough time and the right circumstances." nah i believe that was just the dude just trying to deceive himself into thinking that shie aint a ho because he really, really wanted to get laid
Just cause she's a ho shouldn't be a barrier to getting laid with her.
The thing is, it's hard to figure out whether a girl is a ho or not. Some are all smiles and honey until after you've dated them for a year and met her parents...and then they go and have threesomes at frat parties.
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On February 08 2011 05:48 Hawk wrote:Show nested quote +On February 08 2011 05:46 Sleight wrote:On February 08 2011 03:29 Chill wrote: A wiser man also said once a cheater always a cheater. An even wiser man also said, "Everyone is a cheater given enough time and the right circumstances." nah i believe that was just the dude just trying to deceive himself into thinking that shie aint a ho because he really, really wanted to get laid This. Honesty is not an unreasonable demand.
You can of course lower your standards to include people who lie about shit that matters if they think they can get away with it. But don't pretend everyone does that shit.
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On February 08 2011 05:57 Severedevil wrote:Show nested quote +On February 08 2011 05:48 Hawk wrote:On February 08 2011 05:46 Sleight wrote:On February 08 2011 03:29 Chill wrote: A wiser man also said once a cheater always a cheater. An even wiser man also said, "Everyone is a cheater given enough time and the right circumstances." nah i believe that was just the dude just trying to deceive himself into thinking that shie aint a ho because he really, really wanted to get laid This. Honesty is not an unreasonable demand. You can of course lower your standards to include people who lie about shit that matters if they think they can get away with it. But don't pretend everyone does that shit.
Don't pretend everyone doesn't do it either. Don't give your heart out unless you can actually trust them
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Guys... Everyone cheats. It is NOT some moral dilemma anymore than the time I asked for black coffee and got sugar in it. Most times it is a careless mistake. I am not discussing the ramifications, just the act. The act is usually stupid and thoughtless and that's it.
If you haven't ever cheated, you either a) have never dated someone or b) it hasn't happened yet. You will. It's not a big deal. I've been cheated on a ton, I accidentally cheated a couple times. meh. You live and learn.
Love is beyond institution. You gotta take risks and be a bit of an idiot on occasion. It's part of the fun.
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On February 08 2011 06:05 Sleight wrote: Guys... Everyone cheats. It is NOT some moral dilemma anymore than the time I asked for black coffee and got sugar in it. Most times it is a careless mistake. I am not discussing the ramifications, just the act. The act is usually stupid and thoughtless and that's it.
If you haven't ever cheated, you either a) have never dated someone or b) it hasn't happened yet. You will. It's not a big deal. I've been cheated on a ton, I accidentally cheated a couple times. meh. You live and learn.
Love is beyond institution. You gotta take risks and be a bit of an idiot on occasion. It's part of the fun.
This is bullshit. Just because you know cheaters, you are yourself a cheater, and you're able to rationalize to yourself doesn't mean you're in any position to make sweeping statements about others.
As for OP, Chill already said it, you don't date cheaters - it's a bad idea. You can score with them if you'd like, but then you're also that guy, not to mention a dick.
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"once a cheater always a cheater" unnecessarily stigmatizes a large number of perfectly reasonable people and healthy relationships. maybe June and her bf aren't exclusive, maybe she plans on breaking up with him and is just looking for the right trigger, or maybe she just wants something on the side. in any case you need to talk with her, in private. if you end up dating her of course you must reconcile your own views on fidelity with hers.
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Calgary25961 Posts
On February 08 2011 06:05 Sleight wrote: Guys... Everyone cheats. It is NOT some moral dilemma anymore than the time I asked for black coffee and got sugar in it. Most times it is a careless mistake. I am not discussing the ramifications, just the act. The act is usually stupid and thoughtless and that's it.
If you haven't ever cheated, you either a) have never dated someone or b) it hasn't happened yet. You will. It's not a big deal. I've been cheated on a ton, I accidentally cheated a couple times. meh. You live and learn.
Love is beyond institution. You gotta take risks and be a bit of an idiot on occasion. It's part of the fun. You attitude seems like a cheater's attitude, which is fine. My point is that cheating to me is a huge deal. I've never cheated on anyone and never been cheated on, and if it happened I would imagine I would immediately leave her. Of course I can't be sure because it's never happened.
To you it seems like something shitty that's just unavoidable. It happens, it sucks, and you can get past it.
So it's a difference of opinion. Non-cheaters shouldn't mix with cheaters because they will cheat again, and the difference in opinions will leave you in a bad spot. My comment was made assuming everyone strives to find someone who probably isn't going to cheat on them, but maybe that's not the case.
So I'll modify my original statement to be: Don't date cheaters unless you cheat yourself.
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On February 08 2011 06:05 Sleight wrote: Guys... Everyone cheats. It is NOT some moral dilemma anymore than the time I asked for black coffee and got sugar in it. Most times it is a careless mistake. I am not discussing the ramifications, just the act. The act is usually stupid and thoughtless and that's it.
If you haven't ever cheated, you either a) have never dated someone or b) it hasn't happened yet. You will. It's not a big deal. I've been cheated on a ton, I accidentally cheated a couple times. meh. You live and learn.
Love is beyond institution. You gotta take risks and be a bit of an idiot on occasion. It's part of the fun.
Well, not everyone cheats. Not everyone even gets laid. Generally I agree with your posts in this thread though. I think most people cheat when they aren't happy in a relationship which is only natural. I'd like to introduce a concept I call the "Cheating Threshold", which generally explains why people cheat given the right circumstances. The Cheating Threshold is achieved when:
(Mistress Attractiveness) x (Promiscuity Coefficient) > (Girlfriend Attractiveness) x (Relationship Satisfaction)
Attractiveness is not necessarily pure "hotness" rather its a subjective thing based on your own personal values - a more detailed breakdown of attractiveness is available here + Show Spoiler +MoltkeWarding wrote: How can you know whether you're attracted to a person or not until you know
-Their religion, and respective piety -Their family and family history -Their socio-economic class -Their artistic and literary talents -Their sensitivity, romanticism and sentimentalism -Their patriotism, provincialism, and rootedness in their native culture -Their cooking, cleaning and other domestic abilities -Their mental and emotional stability -Their historical attitude and preferences regarding bourgeois family life -Their racial origins (if not already clear) -Their feminine virtues (virginity, modesty, etc)
The above listed constitute 95% of the qualifications for any marriable and therefore attractive girl
Promiscuity Coefficient is also subjective based on your own values and is generally increased by the influence of alcohol or drugs, knowing that you won't be caught, etc.)
Relationship Satisfaction pretty much speaks for itself
In conclusion, when things are going well with a girl you find highly attractive even the most promiscuous of us are unlikely to cheat while Jesus himself would probably cheat on an ugly bitch who is giving him attitude.
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On February 08 2011 07:23 Terranator wrote:Show nested quote +On February 08 2011 06:05 Sleight wrote: Guys... Everyone cheats. It is NOT some moral dilemma anymore than the time I asked for black coffee and got sugar in it. Most times it is a careless mistake. I am not discussing the ramifications, just the act. The act is usually stupid and thoughtless and that's it.
If you haven't ever cheated, you either a) have never dated someone or b) it hasn't happened yet. You will. It's not a big deal. I've been cheated on a ton, I accidentally cheated a couple times. meh. You live and learn.
Love is beyond institution. You gotta take risks and be a bit of an idiot on occasion. It's part of the fun. In conclusion, when things are going well with a girl you find highly attractive even the most promiscuous of us are unlikely to cheat while Jesus himself would probably cheat on an ugly bitch who is giving him attitude. No, Jesus would dump her ass, because Jesus isn't a passive-aggressive weasel.
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Just made an update to the OP. Thanks for your responses so far. It has been both helpful and interesting to see others' opinions about this.
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yo man I know how you totally feel
but tbh I think you shouldn't have this thought of "man she has feelins fo me" hanging over your head, it's unhealthy and blark. Yes the girl may have cheated her bf for you, but like you said, you don't know her at all. Then who cares? Chances are you guys won't see each other again. Just keep this memory as a 'good time' thing and move on.
just let it go and move on
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Right now Im in a similar situation. I hooked up with this girl he was quite easy and some days later she added me on FB (I wanted her to add me so I waited thats what you have to do man wait.) and I went to see the pics in her profile and I found a lot of messages from some guy. she doesnt have her status as In a relationship but her wall was pretty much messages from this guy saying I love you soooo much and a lot of hearts. I talked a bit more with her and she gave me her number and told me we should organize another night drinking at home. So i Don't really mind but i find it quite weird just like you.
For me the important thing is to try not to contact her, cause she will talk to you if she wants to do something. Fuck the boyfriend who cares about him you do what you want if you are not on a good roll and this girl gives you what you want then don´t back down because of morals. Boyfriends you don't know are mostly assholes, if she cheats is because of something he is doing wrong. Men cheat cause we can´t be faithful its engraved in our genes and its more socially accepted than women who cheat. I have never known any man who didn't cheat.
The thing that matters is what you want and who you are ,what you think is right. Don´t stress yourself about a chick it ain't worth it. Don't chase bitches cause you will end up being the bitch. There are many girls that will give you less trouble and will get you much more. Girls just love the drama of being a lover and being a girlfriend, most girls that Ive seen that are easy and have boyfriends cheat regularly. Girls have little to no idea what they really want. So dont ever expect a direct response to what do you want to do. You have to have the power to do something. If you go looking for her you dont have the power, she has. So just wait for her to do something and do your life or tell her to fuck off. This girl ain´t girlfriend material.
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women will stick with a guy if he can please her emotionally and physically. her cheating isn't a big deal if it stems from uncontrollable attraction to you and not from some freakish insecurities on her part
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