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Alright TL. I know that the blogs section has been inundated with girl advice questions, and that some of you may find them repetitive. All I can say is of course they are repetitive! Love problems are probably the oldest reason for emotional distress, and the core reason behind these problems is (generally) always the same: want girl, what do? I happen to know though that many members of this community love to help each other out when such problems arise. I wouldn’t be sharing this with you if I did not think that I would receive sincere advice.
On with it I suppose. A warning: this is rather long.
I went to a Christmas party awhile back, and a friend of mine (who will be referred to as Chuck) ended up bringing some of his roommates who happened to be girls (let’s call them May and June). We were introduced, and I ended up talking to the girls for a decent amount of time. I realized very quickly that I was really attracted to June. I knew quite a few people at the party, so I left the girls alone after awhile to socialize. Later in the night I confided in a close friend (he shall be known as Ted) that I had a crush on June. Nothing became of that night, but I knew after then that I absolutely had to get to know her better.
I texted Chuck later in the week, and asked him about the status of June. He seemed enthused that I was interested, and he proposed that I come hang out at his place after the Christmas break (2-3 weeks).
Flash forward to last Friday. Chuck invites me to come over and hang out with him, Ted, and his roommates before heading to a bar to see some bands play. I knew June would be there, so I was really excited for the coming night. I arrive a little late; we chill and listen to some music, and have some drinks. I realize more and more with every word that June says that I am falling for her. I notice that she is texting quite a bit, at a rate usually reserved for inter-relationship conversations. My fears are proven when she makes a mention of her boyfriend, and my heart plummets into my stomach. Of course she has a boyfriend (and why didn’t Chuck tell me?). Hiding my disappointment (barring some glances at Chuck that mean “WTF man?”), I trudge on with the night with altered expectations. Beer, shots and live music with friends... it’ll still be a great night, right?
It was. We head over to the bar, get some beers and find a good spot to chill and listen to the music. The band is a group of guys with a violin, guitar, banjo and upright bass, playing some good old fashioned folk music. Everyone in the place is having a great time, including the band, who are playing with great big smiles on their faces. It is hard to fully recall the following sequence of events, but it went something like this:
To my surprise, June gives me a kiss on the cheek, and tells me with a shrug that Chuck told her to do it. This leads to us dancing, sort of waltzing, along to the music hand in hand. The song ends and we are standing there face to face. She leans in, and I just go for it. Suddenly, against all my expectations (and ethics), I am sharing a kiss with June on the dance floor, surrounded by her roommates who are looking on completely shocked by what is happening. We kept kissing. It was great. She says to me, “I like you”, and I reply, “I like you too”. Her roommate May comes and takes her away to the ladies’ room, and I am left standing with Chuck and Ted wondering what the hell is going to happen. The guys tell me that I shouldn’t worry about it, and to take it for what it was and nothing more. June, May, and Chuck leave. I go with Ted to get some drunk food and try to sort out my head.
This is where things left off. I haven’t seen June, or Chuck for that matter, since that night. I’ve spent the last few days completely distracted by the memory of that night, even losing sleep over it. The issue lies with the dissonance between what I want and what I think is right. I want to pursue this; I like her and I am ecstatic that I had that moment with her. The other side of the coin is that I swore to myself that I would never be “that guy”. If I was her boyfriend in this situation, how would I feel? My friends gave me the best advice they could: to appreciate what happened but not think into it too much, but I just can’t stop myself from wondering what can become of this. Would that have happened if her relationship with her boyfriend was going well? I can’t make that assumption. I have no idea what to do.
The biggest issues I have with the situation:
-I don’t have her number, nor do I have her on facebook. I don’t know if it would be appropriate to try to contact her.
-I have no idea what I would do if I saw her in the street.
-What if it was all alcohol and hormones? What if she doesn’t even remember the night?
-I barely know her, so even if she does have some feelings for me I don’t think that it is enough to have her make any changes in her life.
I hate the moral problem I have here. I don’t tend to meet girls I like very often. My few relationship prospects for the past three years have either ended in cringe-worthy awkwardness, or with the girl being taken. I’m tired of putting my own feelings on hold due to the presence of a boyfriend.
So TL, if you have patiently endured the wall of text above, what are your thoughts on my situation?
TL;DR : I kissed a girl I have feelings for while we were both drunk, but she is spoken for. I have reason to believe she likes me as well.
Update Feb. 7:
I was walking home today and I ran into Chuck and his girlfriend. Of course, who happens to walk by as I was talking with them, but June. Chuck’s girlfriend called her over to say hi. We didn’t greet each other, and only made eye contact for a split second. She seemed to be in a hurry, and left as soon as she could. This of course did nothing to lift my spirits, but Chuck was all smiles with me and told me that she had said she likes me. I’m meeting up with Chuck soon to get more details.
I am not justifying anything here, but I should add that in my initial questioning of Chuck as to whether or not June was taken, his exact words were "No not really". What this means I have yet to find out. It leads me to believe that her relationship is relatively new. This has little bearing on the circumstances, in fact it may even be worse.
  
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a wise man once said that if you chase a girl with no boyfriend, then you are competing with all the men in the world, but if you are chasing a girl with a boyfriend, you're competing against only one man.
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Calgary25969 Posts
A wiser man also said once a cheater always a cheater.
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You need more information man. Try to get in contact with your roommates again. Don't try to see June, just hang around with Chuck. Sooner or later you will meet June again, establish somekind of relationship and then you can see where it leads.
If you ask me this looks like it might take some time.
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On February 08 2011 03:24 mOnion wrote:
a wise man once said that if you chase a girl with no boyfriend, then you are competing with all the men in the world, but if you are chasing a girl with a boyfriend, you're competing against only one man.
Thats quite true! :p
There is another saying though, once a cheater always a cheater. Would you trust her not to kiss other guys, like she kissed you while still in another relationship, if you end up dating her? I guess it all comes down to what you want I guess, if you are looking for some good times with no strings attached , I'd say go for it. If you are thinking about a serious relationship, I would at least keep in mind how she kind of started with you before ending her current relationship.
I assume you are in your early twenties from what you wrote about room mates, I have friends at that age who doesn't even think twice before starting affairs with girls committed to other guys, so kudos to you for thinking it through like this
Good luck either way!
Edit: Aww, I see Chill allready beat me to it, while I was writing my reply!
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On February 08 2011 03:29 Chill wrote:
A wiser man also said once a cheater always a cheater.
This. So you get her...and she's kissing other guys behind your back too. Doesn't sound like much fun to me!
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Don't feel bad about this at all. I went to visit my cousin for a month last year to ski and was with a girl who had been with another guy for the past 3 years. She ended up breaking it off with him and even though she knew I was only there for a month. We still chat and she says she's really fortunate I came along because she didn't realize how unhappy she was before.
Basically, if she's kissing you its because she's attracted to you and her relationship with this other dude probably isn't that great. You should definitely go for this, men have been stealing each others women from the beginning of time, its just what naturally happens.
If I were you I would grab her number from a mutual friend and be casual about it, don't even mention her boyfriend or the other night (this would probably be awkward). Invite her to do something that doesn't sound like its a date (no dinner, movies, etc.) where you can be alone with her. I'd suggest skiing, biking, smoking some weed, whatever you're into. Just have fun and see what happens. You may have to wait for her to break up with this guy before she does anything serious with you so I wouldn't have too high expectations from this right now.
Good luck, keep us posted!
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On February 08 2011 03:29 Chill wrote:
A wiser man also said once a cheater always a cheater.
This whole thread should just a quote train of this
it is the golden rule of dating, and it becomes 100x more relevant if your were an accessory to the cheating. What's she gonna do the next time she meets someone that catches her eye?
as for feeling bad.... hell naw, unless you know the dude. That's a problem between him and her
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On February 08 2011 03:24 mOnion wrote:
a wise man once said that if you chase a girl with no boyfriend, then you are competing with all the men in the world, but if you are chasing a girl with a boyfriend, you're competing against only one man.
I like "The chicken that is tied down is easier to catch" better.
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Just because there's a goalie, doesn't mean you can't score.
/I don't actually follow this philsophy, by the way.
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Continue to hang out with Chuck, and just sort of have your presence around. If June's interested, you'll know pretty quickly.
edit: oh and be nice to May *without* getting flirty.
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Even if you hook up with her, her friends clearly won't approve. Without the approval of her friends, any kind of relationship would crash and burn.
You said you barely know her. Just cut your losses and move on. There are billions of other women out there in the world, I'm certain if you look around a bit more you'll find one that's right for you.
Oh, and never take a drunken kiss as the real thing. She left right afterward - her friends must have talked some sense into her, otherwise she would have come back to the party.
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she kissed you behind her boyfriends back. you could be the next boyfriend she cheats on. pass.
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Moral issue? You're not the one with a boyfriend. This is June's moral issue.
For you this is a practical issue. And the practical response is - pursue June if you want to fuck June, find a different girl if you want a monogamous relationship.
And do not let yourself imagine you're in love with someone you've met for like three hours. Three hours = acquaintance.
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On February 08 2011 04:34 Severedevil wrote:
Moral issue? You're not the one with a boyfriend. This is June's moral issue.
For you this is a practical issue. And the practical response is - pursue June if you want to fuck June, find a different girl if you want a monogamous relationship.
Hmph, it is also his issue... Like much used example, if you see someone injured on street you should help him though you didn't injury him.
Also, OP I'm pretty sure she also remembers what happened that night, if you do aswell.
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Sounds like material for a one night stand. I wouldn't look too deep into a relationship if she is willing to cheat on her current boyfriend.
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Don't pursue it any further. You'll find someone else. I was put into a similar situation and it turned into a shitstorm (and I really mean SHITSTORM.) You don't want any of that. Wait until she's single if you have to but don't mess around with stuff like that.
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you need to find out more of the variables involved. yeah she cheated on her bf but we don't know whats going on there. I've cheated on a gf of over a year before but it was only because I knew the relationship was over and I would never cheat on a girl that I was really serious about. Maybe she's in a relationship thats in its decline.
Either way if your friends with her roomate you don't have him on FB? Getting ahold of someone isn't too difficult if you are really motivated. So simple response is get in contact with her and find out more about the situation before involving any moral qualms.
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I don’t have her number, nor do I have her on facebook. I don’t know if it would be appropriate to try to contact her.
BS. Don't add confusion to the matter just to get what you want.
Plus, she cheated on him, she'll cheat on you.
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What if a weird prophet that you know only tells the truth said that this girl is the one for you, your best bet for reaching romantic happiness? Would your morals still stop you?
Now tell me, is there a girl that's closer to that ideal one than June at the moment?
Go for it imo. If there's lessons to learn from this, learn them first hand, don't back away just because X might turn out as Y which might lead to some imaginary unpleasant Z.
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Dude just play it by ear, it's useless to plan this sort of stuff out from the beginning anyhow. if she's great, good, if not, dump her
don't ever build your future around a girl
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On February 08 2011 05:02 danl9rm wrote:Show nested quote +I don’t have her number, nor do I have her on facebook. I don’t know if it would be appropriate to try to contact her. BS. Don't add confusion to the matter just to get what you want. Plus, she cheated on him, she'll cheat on you.
Only if he is as incapable as her old boyfriend at meeting her needs.
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On February 08 2011 05:21 Catch]22 wrote:Show nested quote +On February 08 2011 05:02 danl9rm wrote:I don’t have her number, nor do I have her on facebook. I don’t know if it would be appropriate to try to contact her. BS. Don't add confusion to the matter just to get what you want. Plus, she cheated on him, she'll cheat on you. Only if he is as incapable as her old boyfriend at meeting her needs.
some girls just cheat for the hell of it
and you usually won't find out until it's too late
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On February 08 2011 03:29 Chill wrote:
A wiser man also said once a cheater always a cheater.
An even wiser man also said, "Everyone is a cheater given enough time and the right circumstances."
You aren't making her cheat. Don't encourage her to cheat. But if you think you are a good guy and you can offer her something better, then, DAMMIT SON, GET YOURS!
If I waited for every girl I was interested in with a boyfriend pass by without giving it a shot, I'd have missed my best relationships and some amazing girls.
Make it happen, Cap'n! Give it your all, if it doesn't work, shrug and move on. If it works out, invite me to the wedding.
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On February 08 2011 05:46 Sleight wrote:Show nested quote +On February 08 2011 03:29 Chill wrote:
A wiser man also said once a cheater always a cheater. An even wiser man also said, "Everyone is a cheater given enough time and the right circumstances."
nah i believe that was just the dude just trying to deceive himself into thinking that shie aint a ho because he really, really wanted to get laid
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On February 08 2011 05:48 Hawk wrote:Show nested quote +On February 08 2011 05:46 Sleight wrote:On February 08 2011 03:29 Chill wrote:
A wiser man also said once a cheater always a cheater. An even wiser man also said, "Everyone is a cheater given enough time and the right circumstances." nah i believe that was just the dude just trying to deceive himself into thinking that shie aint a ho because he really, really wanted to get laid
Just cause she's a ho shouldn't be a barrier to getting laid with her.
The thing is, it's hard to figure out whether a girl is a ho or not. Some are all smiles and honey until after you've dated them for a year and met her parents...and then they go and have threesomes at frat parties.
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On February 08 2011 05:48 Hawk wrote:Show nested quote +On February 08 2011 05:46 Sleight wrote:On February 08 2011 03:29 Chill wrote:
A wiser man also said once a cheater always a cheater. An even wiser man also said, "Everyone is a cheater given enough time and the right circumstances." nah i believe that was just the dude just trying to deceive himself into thinking that shie aint a ho because he really, really wanted to get laid
This. Honesty is not an unreasonable demand.
You can of course lower your standards to include people who lie about shit that matters if they think they can get away with it. But don't pretend everyone does that shit.
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On February 08 2011 05:57 Severedevil wrote:Show nested quote +On February 08 2011 05:48 Hawk wrote:On February 08 2011 05:46 Sleight wrote:On February 08 2011 03:29 Chill wrote:
A wiser man also said once a cheater always a cheater. An even wiser man also said, "Everyone is a cheater given enough time and the right circumstances." nah i believe that was just the dude just trying to deceive himself into thinking that shie aint a ho because he really, really wanted to get laid This. Honesty is not an unreasonable demand. You can of course lower your standards to include people who lie about shit that matters if they think they can get away with it. But don't pretend everyone does that shit.
Don't pretend everyone doesn't do it either. Don't give your heart out unless you can actually trust them
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Guys... Everyone cheats. It is NOT some moral dilemma anymore than the time I asked for black coffee and got sugar in it. Most times it is a careless mistake. I am not discussing the ramifications, just the act. The act is usually stupid and thoughtless and that's it.
If you haven't ever cheated, you either a) have never dated someone or b) it hasn't happened yet. You will. It's not a big deal. I've been cheated on a ton, I accidentally cheated a couple times. meh. You live and learn.
Love is beyond institution. You gotta take risks and be a bit of an idiot on occasion. It's part of the fun.
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On February 08 2011 06:05 Sleight wrote:
Guys... Everyone cheats. It is NOT some moral dilemma anymore than the time I asked for black coffee and got sugar in it. Most times it is a careless mistake. I am not discussing the ramifications, just the act. The act is usually stupid and thoughtless and that's it.
If you haven't ever cheated, you either a) have never dated someone or b) it hasn't happened yet. You will. It's not a big deal. I've been cheated on a ton, I accidentally cheated a couple times. meh. You live and learn.
Love is beyond institution. You gotta take risks and be a bit of an idiot on occasion. It's part of the fun.
This is bullshit. Just because you know cheaters, you are yourself a cheater, and you're able to rationalize to yourself doesn't mean you're in any position to make sweeping statements about others.
As for OP, Chill already said it, you don't date cheaters - it's a bad idea. You can score with them if you'd like, but then you're also that guy, not to mention a dick.
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"once a cheater always a cheater" unnecessarily stigmatizes a large number of perfectly reasonable people and healthy relationships. maybe June and her bf aren't exclusive, maybe she plans on breaking up with him and is just looking for the right trigger, or maybe she just wants something on the side. in any case you need to talk with her, in private. if you end up dating her of course you must reconcile your own views on fidelity with hers.
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Calgary25969 Posts
On February 08 2011 06:05 Sleight wrote:
Guys... Everyone cheats. It is NOT some moral dilemma anymore than the time I asked for black coffee and got sugar in it. Most times it is a careless mistake. I am not discussing the ramifications, just the act. The act is usually stupid and thoughtless and that's it.
If you haven't ever cheated, you either a) have never dated someone or b) it hasn't happened yet. You will. It's not a big deal. I've been cheated on a ton, I accidentally cheated a couple times. meh. You live and learn.
Love is beyond institution. You gotta take risks and be a bit of an idiot on occasion. It's part of the fun.
You attitude seems like a cheater's attitude, which is fine. My point is that cheating to me is a huge deal. I've never cheated on anyone and never been cheated on, and if it happened I would imagine I would immediately leave her. Of course I can't be sure because it's never happened.
To you it seems like something shitty that's just unavoidable. It happens, it sucks, and you can get past it.
So it's a difference of opinion. Non-cheaters shouldn't mix with cheaters because they will cheat again, and the difference in opinions will leave you in a bad spot. My comment was made assuming everyone strives to find someone who probably isn't going to cheat on them, but maybe that's not the case.
So I'll modify my original statement to be: Don't date cheaters unless you cheat yourself.
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On February 08 2011 06:05 Sleight wrote:
Guys... Everyone cheats. It is NOT some moral dilemma anymore than the time I asked for black coffee and got sugar in it. Most times it is a careless mistake. I am not discussing the ramifications, just the act. The act is usually stupid and thoughtless and that's it.
If you haven't ever cheated, you either a) have never dated someone or b) it hasn't happened yet. You will. It's not a big deal. I've been cheated on a ton, I accidentally cheated a couple times. meh. You live and learn.
Love is beyond institution. You gotta take risks and be a bit of an idiot on occasion. It's part of the fun.
Well, not everyone cheats. Not everyone even gets laid. Generally I agree with your posts in this thread though. I think most people cheat when they aren't happy in a relationship which is only natural. I'd like to introduce a concept I call the "Cheating Threshold", which generally explains why people cheat given the right circumstances. The Cheating Threshold is achieved when:
(Mistress Attractiveness) x (Promiscuity Coefficient) > (Girlfriend Attractiveness) x (Relationship Satisfaction)
Attractiveness is not necessarily pure "hotness" rather its a subjective thing based on your own personal values - a more detailed breakdown of attractiveness is available here + Show Spoiler +MoltkeWarding wrote:
How can you know whether you're attracted to a person or not until you know
-Their religion, and respective piety
-Their family and family history
-Their socio-economic class
-Their artistic and literary talents
-Their sensitivity, romanticism and sentimentalism
-Their patriotism, provincialism, and rootedness in their native culture
-Their cooking, cleaning and other domestic abilities
-Their mental and emotional stability
-Their historical attitude and preferences regarding bourgeois family life
-Their racial origins (if not already clear)
-Their feminine virtues (virginity, modesty, etc)
The above listed constitute 95% of the qualifications for any marriable and therefore attractive girl
Promiscuity Coefficient is also subjective based on your own values and is generally increased by the influence of alcohol or drugs, knowing that you won't be caught, etc.)
Relationship Satisfaction pretty much speaks for itself
In conclusion, when things are going well with a girl you find highly attractive even the most promiscuous of us are unlikely to cheat while Jesus himself would probably cheat on an ugly bitch who is giving him attitude.
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On February 08 2011 07:23 Terranator wrote:Show nested quote +On February 08 2011 06:05 Sleight wrote:
Guys... Everyone cheats. It is NOT some moral dilemma anymore than the time I asked for black coffee and got sugar in it. Most times it is a careless mistake. I am not discussing the ramifications, just the act. The act is usually stupid and thoughtless and that's it.
If you haven't ever cheated, you either a) have never dated someone or b) it hasn't happened yet. You will. It's not a big deal. I've been cheated on a ton, I accidentally cheated a couple times. meh. You live and learn.
Love is beyond institution. You gotta take risks and be a bit of an idiot on occasion. It's part of the fun. In conclusion, when things are going well with a girl you find highly attractive even the most promiscuous of us are unlikely to cheat while Jesus himself would probably cheat on an ugly bitch who is giving him attitude.
No, Jesus would dump her ass, because Jesus isn't a passive-aggressive weasel.
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Just made an update to the OP. Thanks for your responses so far. It has been both helpful and interesting to see others' opinions about this.
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yo man I know how you totally feel
but tbh I think you shouldn't have this thought of "man she has feelins fo me" hanging over your head, it's unhealthy and blark.
Yes the girl may have cheated her bf for you, but like you said, you don't know her at all. Then who cares? Chances are you guys won't see each other again. Just keep this memory as a 'good time' thing and move on.
just let it go and move on
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Right now Im in a similar situation. I hooked up with this girl he was quite easy and some days later she added me on FB (I wanted her to add me so I waited thats what you have to do man wait.) and I went to see the pics in her profile and I found a lot of messages from some guy. she doesnt have her status as In a relationship but her wall was pretty much messages from this guy saying I love you soooo much and a lot of hearts. I talked a bit more with her and she gave me her number and told me we should organize another night drinking at home. So i Don't really mind but i find it quite weird just like you.
For me the important thing is to try not to contact her, cause she will talk to you if she wants to do something. Fuck the boyfriend who cares about him you do what you want if you are not on a good roll and this girl gives you what you want then don´t back down because of morals. Boyfriends you don't know are mostly assholes, if she cheats is because of something he is doing wrong.
Men cheat cause we can´t be faithful its engraved in our genes and its more socially accepted than women who cheat. I have never known any man who didn't cheat.
The thing that matters is what you want and who you are ,what you think is right. Don´t stress yourself about a chick it ain't worth it. Don't chase bitches cause you will end up being the bitch. There are many girls that will give you less trouble and will get you much more.
Girls just love the drama of being a lover and being a girlfriend, most girls that Ive seen that are easy and have boyfriends cheat regularly. Girls have little to no idea what they really want. So dont ever expect a direct response to what do you want to do. You have to have the power to do something. If you go looking for her you dont have the power, she has. So just wait for her to do something and do your life or tell her to fuck off. This girl ain´t girlfriend material.
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women will stick with a guy if he can please her emotionally and physically. her cheating isn't a big deal if it stems from uncontrollable attraction to you and not from some freakish insecurities on her part
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Also, what is up with the friends who acted like nothing was wrong with it? I guess they have no problems with cheating, either.
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On February 08 2011 06:05 Sleight wrote:
Guys... Everyone cheats. It is NOT some moral dilemma anymore than the time I asked for black coffee and got sugar in it. Most times it is a careless mistake. I am not discussing the ramifications, just the act. The act is usually stupid and thoughtless and that's it.
If you haven't ever cheated, you either a) have never dated someone or b) it hasn't happened yet. You will. It's not a big deal. I've been cheated on a ton, I accidentally cheated a couple times. meh. You live and learn.
Love is beyond institution. You gotta take risks and be a bit of an idiot on occasion. It's part of the fun.
who pumped you full of this bullshit? I guess you're trying to justify doing it but hell, not everyone does it not even the majority do.
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On February 08 2011 08:34 Hynda wrote:Show nested quote +On February 08 2011 06:05 Sleight wrote:
Guys... Everyone cheats. It is NOT some moral dilemma anymore than the time I asked for black coffee and got sugar in it. Most times it is a careless mistake. I am not discussing the ramifications, just the act. The act is usually stupid and thoughtless and that's it.
If you haven't ever cheated, you either a) have never dated someone or b) it hasn't happened yet. You will. It's not a big deal. I've been cheated on a ton, I accidentally cheated a couple times. meh. You live and learn.
Love is beyond institution. You gotta take risks and be a bit of an idiot on occasion. It's part of the fun. who pumped you full of this bullshit? I guess you're trying to justify doing it but hell, not everyone does it not even the majority do.
Okay well besides the unnecessarily aggressive approach.
Fact: Conservative estimates put marital infidelity at the lowest at 40%. Some studies have shown it is as at least 60%.
So YES everyone DOES DO IT. Congratulations on not looking your information of. That is MARITAL infidelity. We are talking about boyfriends and girlfriends? Yeah the numbers suggest 70% of people will have cheated once in their life.
Whoops, you should do a little "Google" action once or twice.
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On February 08 2011 10:40 Sleight wrote:Show nested quote +On February 08 2011 08:34 Hynda wrote:On February 08 2011 06:05 Sleight wrote:
Guys... Everyone cheats. It is NOT some moral dilemma anymore than the time I asked for black coffee and got sugar in it. Most times it is a careless mistake. I am not discussing the ramifications, just the act. The act is usually stupid and thoughtless and that's it.
If you haven't ever cheated, you either a) have never dated someone or b) it hasn't happened yet. You will. It's not a big deal. I've been cheated on a ton, I accidentally cheated a couple times. meh. You live and learn.
Love is beyond institution. You gotta take risks and be a bit of an idiot on occasion. It's part of the fun. who pumped you full of this bullshit? I guess you're trying to justify doing it but hell, not everyone does it not even the majority do. Okay well besides the unnecessarily aggressive approach. Fact: Conservative estimates put marital infidelity at the lowest at 40%. Some studies have shown it is as at least 60%. So YES everyone DOES DO IT. Congratulations on not looking your information of. That is MARITAL infidelity. We are talking about boyfriends and girlfriends? Yeah the numbers suggest 70% of people will have cheated once in their life. Whoops, you should do a little "Google" action once or twice.
Yo, stop saying "everyone".
You do know that everyone = 100% right?
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On February 08 2011 10:40 Sleight wrote:Show nested quote +On February 08 2011 08:34 Hynda wrote:On February 08 2011 06:05 Sleight wrote:
Guys... Everyone cheats. It is NOT some moral dilemma anymore than the time I asked for black coffee and got sugar in it. Most times it is a careless mistake. I am not discussing the ramifications, just the act. The act is usually stupid and thoughtless and that's it.
If you haven't ever cheated, you either a) have never dated someone or b) it hasn't happened yet. You will. It's not a big deal. I've been cheated on a ton, I accidentally cheated a couple times. meh. You live and learn.
Love is beyond institution. You gotta take risks and be a bit of an idiot on occasion. It's part of the fun. who pumped you full of this bullshit? I guess you're trying to justify doing it but hell, not everyone does it not even the majority do. Okay well besides the unnecessarily aggressive approach. Fact: Conservative estimates put marital infidelity at the lowest at 40%. Some studies have shown it is as at least 60%. So YES everyone DOES DO IT. Congratulations on not looking your information of. That is MARITAL infidelity. We are talking about boyfriends and girlfriends? Yeah the numbers suggest 70% of people will have cheated once in their life. Whoops, you should do a little "Google" action once or twice.
You have to be very careful about how you interpret statistics, because there can very easily be factors that distort the numbers.
There are statistics that say 40-60% of married individuals will engage in infidelity of some sort. Also, it is said that about 50% of marriages will experience an issue with infidelity.
But how does this account for the fact that people who tend to cheat will probably engage in multiple marriages, whereas the couples with no infidelity will have a much higher chance of staying together? "Once a cheater always a cheater" is certainly coming into play on this statistic.
If we look at some other numbers, it looks like around 20% of people will cheat at some point in their lives. This is far from the majority of the population. This would also support my theory that the first statistic is being inflated by repeat offenders.
But let's ignore these numbers. In the first place, infidelity statistics are going to be terribly unreliable. Even if the majority of people have cheated at some point in their lives, that does not mean that it's right, or even okay. According to my morals, cheating is wrong because it is hurtful and destructive. No statistics will change that belief.
Maybe your morals dictate that cheating is acceptable, and your idea of a proper culture involves a certain high percentage of infidelity. If that's the case, then we must agree to disagree on fundamental grounds. On the other hand, maybe you're just hiding behind some statistics to justify your behavior, because that's the easier choice.
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On February 08 2011 03:29 Chill wrote:
A wiser man also said once a cheater always a cheater.
A - fucking - men. I agree with Chill here.
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On February 08 2011 12:25 Psyonic_Reaver wrote:Show nested quote +On February 08 2011 03:29 Chill wrote:
A wiser man also said once a cheater always a cheater. A - fucking - men. I agree with Chill here.
qft... too many guys (including myself) have made this mistake
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women are unreliable, you shouldnt ever bring yourself down to their reasoning since it is fickle and ill-considered. you're much better off trusting in your own emotions rather than worrying about and being swayed by her opinion (her emotions) on the matter. better yet, decide on some values that you feel comfortable maintaining so this situation doesnt trouble you every time it comes up. personally i havent done this yet
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men are so fucking useless at recognising and trusting in the way they feel. women are great at it, you can learn a lot from them just by being aware of how they live their lives trusting in their feelings. if a woman feels uncomfortable about something then she says Fuck You and walks away. men are supposed to be Leaders, so take control of your life. there are other ways, but if you're really uncomfortable with "stealing" her boyfriend then just damn well confront her about it. make HER validate herself to YOU
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On February 08 2011 03:29 Chill wrote:
A wiser man also said once a cheater always a cheater.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Look, you should be encouraged that you can get this girl to kiss you. However, if she'd cheat on her current boyfriend, there's absolutely no reason she wouldn't cheat on you. Take this experience and the positives from it and move on to a better situation.
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On February 08 2011 05:18 niteReloaded wrote:
What if a weird prophet that you know only tells the truth said that this girl is the one for you, your best bet for reaching romantic happiness? Would your morals still stop you?
Now tell me, is there a girl that's closer to that ideal one than June at the moment?
Go for it imo. If there's lessons to learn from this, learn them first hand, don't back away just because X might turn out as Y which might lead to some imaginary unpleasant Z.
Yeah, good idea. You should join the army too because they give you money up front for joining. No big deal if you have to learn the horrors of combat firsthand. Don't back away just because you might get your face blown off by a high-powered rifle, or you might step on a landmine, or you might get a grenade tossed in your lap, which might lead to death or life as a cripple. Go for it IMO.
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On February 08 2011 06:05 Sleight wrote:
Guys... Everyone cheats. It is NOT some moral dilemma anymore than the time I asked for black coffee and got sugar in it. Most times it is a careless mistake. I am not discussing the ramifications, just the act. The act is usually stupid and thoughtless and that's it.
If you haven't ever cheated, you either a) have never dated someone or b) it hasn't happened yet. You will. It's not a big deal. I've been cheated on a ton, I accidentally cheated a couple times. meh. You live and learn.
Love is beyond institution. You gotta take risks and be a bit of an idiot on occasion. It's part of the fun.
Wtf kind of garbage? Not everyone cheats. I don't cheat. I've been in a relationship for 7 years. And I've been in other relations for more than 6 months too, and I never cheated. Just because you think everyone's a scumbag doesn't make it okay. Seriously, I hate when assholes use rationales like this. Cheating is not cool at all and can cause a lot of emotional harm. You don't want to be in a relation then leave. You can't control your hormones then live the single life. Don't try to cheapen the word love by using it as a synonym for "someone I like to fuck and hang out with." It's fine to be an idiot or kind of goofy/sappy for love. It's not okay to be a morally reprehensible asshole who's near sociopathic in their disregard for the feelings of others.
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Dialing it back a bit - "Everyone Cheats" is legitimate if you take a low threshold for cheating. Clearly not everyone fucks around (or tries to fuck around) on their significant other. But being in a monogamous relationship doesn't mean you avoid friendships with other people you find attractive.
I would not be surprised if ~everyone has had a "the person I would pursue if I weren't with my monogamous partner" at some point in their lives.
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If a drunk girl kisses you it's basically a marriage proposal, so I suggest you agonize over it for a few months until you finally realize it meant nothing then move on to the next girl that smiles at you. Better idea: she was drunk who cares move on if she wants some she can come find you.
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On February 09 2011 05:09 Zim23 wrote:
If a drunk girl kisses you it's basically a marriage proposal, so I suggest you agonize over it for a few months until you finally realize it meant nothing then move on to the next girl that smiles at you. Better idea: she was drunk who cares move on if she wants some she can come find you.
This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thread over.
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EPT
