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I've been "on my own" for almost the past 5 years, everything is fine with my parents. I had moved out because I got engaged waaaay to early but that is a completely different story, the point is I've had my fair share of roommates as it is pretty hard to sustain your own place at 18. Every roommate was better than my ex up until I let my best friend move in and he takes the cake for the worst one yet.
The Annoyances
He is an absolute slob, in the ~8 months he has been here he hasn't taken out the trash once and had mowed the lawn once when I asked him to because I was in California for my brothers wedding. However since blocking my xbox's internet he hasn't really been down in the family room to make a mess. He thinks the xbox is broken or something and for now I'll let him choose to believe it; thank god I don't play on Live really anymore.
I'll wake up in the morning only to realize the cereal and Milk is in his locked room because he had the munchies late at night. I also had to clean the living room/kitchen almost weekly due to him just not picking up after himself/friends. We got about 8 inches of snow and for whatever reason he did not shovel his parking space, instead parked in someone else's which led them to my door asking him to move. Which he did and now parks on the street, however I absolutely hate being noticed like that and it looks pretty bad on my part.
Additionally, I generally wake up around 5am to head into work early; however lately he has had people over every other week from like 11pm-???, which keeps me up letting me only get about an hour worth of sleep before work. I tell him the next day every time but after a week he must forget, not care, or think they can actually be quiet.
The Girlfriend
It started off as just an annoyance when he got a GF about 8 months ago and she was loud, if you know what I mean. It wasn't all bad as my music would drain out all the sounds but when I streamed and used headphones it would come through; which is why I bought myself a snowball microphone, I guess that was a blessing in disguise because I absolutely love this Mic. However, he cheated on her several months ago and I was the one that told her because I don't stand for that stuff at all; which put me in the middle of a sethstorm of drama for a few months. It ended just before the GSL when she came over to pick up her stuff. Which I felt obligated to go in his room and help her and talk to her for about 2 hours. Not only did he never tell me she was coming, he didn't apologize/thank me afterwards. I've been single for the past 3 years just so I don't ever have to deal with this drama; just waiting for people to mature up. I got all the crappy end of a relationship without getting laid; talk about a lose-lose situation.
"Slacker"/Closing
So about 3 months ago he had got laid off his job. Never told me the reason, I only assume he ditched work one to many times to get laid. Seriously, he is like a Charlie from "Two and a Half Men" except without any money. But he was my best friend and pretty much the only person I talk to that lives remotely close, so I told him he could stay and continue with rent when he got a job; this was just before I found out he cheated, and got into "the wrong crowd". Three months go by and he finally just got another job as the host of Applebee's where all his friends work. However, he did say he would pay rent this month but seems to be spending all his money on miscellaneous things so *hopefully* he doesn't have the ~$500 and I have a legitimate reason for telling him to leave other than I don't enjoy living with him. He's a cool guy but it still needs some sort of parental authority which I don't enjoy. There's a few more things but that is stuff that definitely doesn't belong on a public forum.
The Ending, or is it?
Well if you are still reading it means you generally had a good time; so <insert expletive deleted here> you for getting joy off my misery. I don't know why I posted this, probably just so come the 15th when he doesn't have rent I have the balls to kick him out. And if he does have rent, I guess there's always next month. The good news is, if I cut back on eating out; I can pay my mortgage/bills.
Oh and be careful when letting close friends move in; they are the ones whom can walk all over you.
 
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That really sucks that he's not pulling his own weight  Hopefully, he'll be gone soon.
It'd be nice to kick him out for monetary reasons, so that you guys can still stay friends 
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one of my roommates actually moved out because he thought the other was going to kill him ><
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If you're telling him about your concerns, but he doesn't seem to care, he's a shitty friend.
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On February 03 2011 12:46 Roe wrote:
one of my roommates actually moved out because he thought the other was going to kill him ><
Haha yeah unfortunately I sound like Elmer Fudd, whom of which spent his entire life trying to kill a rabbit; doesn't give off the most threatening demeanor.
On February 03 2011 12:46 Karliath wrote:
If you're telling him about your concerns, but he doesn't seem to care, he's a shitty friend.
Indeed, he was my best friend. Still generally treat people how I'd like to be treated even if they don't.
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Make him read this.
Seriously, most roommate problems i see posted here are due to bad communication because people are afraid to make demands and keep on dreaming that the situation will change by itself.
So the best thing to do, in my opinion, is to have a serious and very sincere talk about it. Some guys just don't understand unless told in their face, so tell them.
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You never suspected this before he moved in?
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This sounds like a classic Brady Brunch episode.
In any case, I see no problems, these are all legitimate complaints except for this one: + Show Spoiler +However, he cheated on her several months ago and I was the one that told her because I don't stand for that stuff at all; which put me in the middle of a sethstorm of drama for a few months
Why would you even do that? That's his problem and his prerogative, you don't want to get in the middle of it, but then you make the moral decision to tell her. That's just asking for trouble mate and to be honest, it could have gotten a lot worst.
Lucky, lucky!
As for the roomate problem, I suggest moving out or finding someone new before you grow even more intolerant of your friend's problems and it causes problems in your relationship with him.
Hope this helps.
P.S: Love your show and commentating! (you make me feel better about my slight lisp [apparently I have one, I can't even tell in real life])
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Sorry to hear that. If you need a new room mate I will be it for you! This is Cool Voice Bro from your chat. :D.
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I can't believe you told his girlfriend he was cheating on her. That's not your business in the least.
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Pretty sure his roommate cheated on his girlfriend with him, which is why he had to be up and honest to her.
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So... What can't be posted on a public forum? I'm sure it's no worse than some of the other stuff I've seen on here.
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On February 03 2011 12:34 Ipp wrote:
However, he cheated on her several months ago and I was the one that told her because I don't stand for that stuff at all; which put me in the middle of a sethstorm of drama for a few months.
I really hope his name is Seth and this is a Freudian slip 
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On February 03 2011 13:40 Torte de Lini wrote:This sounds like a classic Brady Brunch episode. In any case, I see no problems, these are all legitimate complaints except for this one: + Show Spoiler +However, he cheated on her several months ago and I was the one that told her because I don't stand for that stuff at all; which put me in the middle of a sethstorm of drama for a few months Why would you even do that? That's his problem and his prerogative, you don't want to get in the middle of it, but then you make the moral decision to tell her. That's just asking for trouble mate and to be honest, it could have gotten a lot worst. Lucky, lucky! As for the roomate problem, I suggest moving out or finding someone new before you grow even more intolerant of your friend's problems and it causes problems in your relationship with him. Hope this helps. P.S: Love your show and commentating! (you make me feel better about my slight lisp [apparently I have one, I can't even tell in real life])
Completely disagree.
If you know about it, say it or it will drag on for months/years and it will only be worse as time goes on. Cheating is a despicable act and honestly he's doing his "friend" a favor by letting him live there, so if he doesn't want that stuff going down in his place than he can do something about it (which he did).
I hate the social stigma of "you shouldn't tell someone they're being cheated on". If someone gets pissed off because you ratted them out, tell them to go fuck themselves because you didn't do anything wrong. I feel bad about myself keeping those things secret and I'm not going to put myself through that feeling for an asshole who cares so little about his girlfriend that he cheats on her.
On topic, I've been living alone for 3 years because I can't stand roommates. Even the nicest people eventually degrade into people I want to hurt after living with them for a few months. The only roommate I ever liked was some exchange student from China who didn't speak much french (I'm french) and pretty much kept to himself in his own room. And even he was annoying sometimes! Always messed up the kitchen counter because he made rice in a rice cooker and put too much water 99% of the time so it spilled all over the place and he didn't wash it.
My only problem now is neighbours. I can't wait to have my own HOUSE instead of an apartment. Seriously, the guy who lives upstairs talks so loudly I can hear him through my earplugs or through my computer headphones with music blasting when I'm not sleeping at 1 AM... when he's on the PHONE! When people are there it's even louder. I really hate not having my own quiet place.
Roommates are always worse than neighbours too so yeah, I really don't want another roommate even if having my own apartment costs a ton. If I was forced to have a roommate for financial reasons, I would just declare bankruptcy or something because I can't live like that again.
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United States442 Posts
I had a roommate that was a really good friend and we roomed for a year in the dorms...wow did that turn out bad. His dad was a doctor, so he was a spoiled ass nigga. NEVER took out the trash. A lot of the girls in our dorm who also happened to be our friends knew about this and they tried to make him feel guilty enough to take it out himself by taking it out for him. He never budged. He also had a retarded habit of walking back in at 4 am (we shared a room). Having a roommate isn't a bad idea when you have a roommate agreement and can terminate the 'lease' when the agreement is breached. If your name is on the lease, then you can ask him to sign an agreement. I lived with a roommate for a year who was super cool and chill, we weren't "friends" but I mean we got along.
By the way, you don't have it as bad as girls do in college dorms...that's another story. LOL
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On February 03 2011 15:45 Kurr wrote:Show nested quote +On February 03 2011 13:40 Torte de Lini wrote:This sounds like a classic Brady Brunch episode. In any case, I see no problems, these are all legitimate complaints except for this one: + Show Spoiler +However, he cheated on her several months ago and I was the one that told her because I don't stand for that stuff at all; which put me in the middle of a sethstorm of drama for a few months Why would you even do that? That's his problem and his prerogative, you don't want to get in the middle of it, but then you make the moral decision to tell her. That's just asking for trouble mate and to be honest, it could have gotten a lot worst. Lucky, lucky! As for the roomate problem, I suggest moving out or finding someone new before you grow even more intolerant of your friend's problems and it causes problems in your relationship with him. Hope this helps. P.S: Love your show and commentating! (you make me feel better about my slight lisp [apparently I have one, I can't even tell in real life]) Completely disagree. If you know about it, say it or it will drag on for months/years and it will only be worse as time goes on. Cheating is a despicable act and honestly he's doing his "friend" a favor by letting him live there, so if he doesn't want that stuff going down in his place than he can do something about it (which he did). I hate the social stigma of "you shouldn't tell someone they're being cheated on". If someone gets pissed off because you ratted them out, tell them to go fuck themselves because you didn't do anything wrong. I feel bad about myself keeping those things secret and I'm not going to put myself through that feeling for an asshole who cares so little about his girlfriend that he cheats on her. On topic, I've been living alone for 3 years because I can't stand roommates. Even the nicest people eventually degrade into people I want to hurt after living with them for a few months. The only roommate I ever liked was some exchange student from China who didn't speak much french (I'm french) and pretty much kept to himself in his own room. And even he was annoying sometimes! Always messed up the kitchen counter because he made rice in a rice cooker and put too much water 99% of the time so it spilled all over the place and he didn't wash it. My only problem now is neighbours. I can't wait to have my own HOUSE instead of an apartment. Seriously, the guy who lives upstairs talks so loudly I can hear him through my earplugs or through my computer headphones with music blasting when I'm not sleeping at 1 AM... when he's on the PHONE! When people are there it's even louder. I really hate not having my own quiet place. Roommates are always worse than neighbours too so yeah, I really don't want another roommate even if having my own apartment costs a ton. If I was forced to have a roommate for financial reasons, I would just declare bankruptcy or something because I can't live like that again.
Social stigma? You're not even employing that right.
It's just none of your business and if you're aware of what's going on and feel the need to intervene, you talk to the friend and leave the decision up to him, not you. You don't intervene, get in the middle and cause trouble for your friend. If you truly stand by your morals and common courtesy, then you let the cards hit the table and let your friend get what's coming to him. He's lucky this girl wasn't outraged and maniacal. Can you imagine you being the girl and the friend tells you your boyfriend is cheating on you? Do you how much volume, audacity and sad that is? Case in point, sit down with the friend and tell him what you agree or disagree with and he can either confine with you his views, understanding or actions or he'll tell you to fuck off and to be honest, he has every right to do so. It's not a question of what he's doing is right or wrong, it's a question of what he is doing should not be of your concern or responsibility.
It's not social stigma by a long-shot. Mind your own business and let the friend deal with his own problems or weasel attitude. You're better than that, but you're also a respectable person who doesn't get into matters that don't concern him.
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i kicked out a roommate this summer. smoked way too much pot, smelled terrible, never showered blah blah. he had been there 3 weeks and i left him a note on his door explaining the situation. 3 more weeks went by with no change. it took 2 weeks more for me to get the nerve up to tell him to GTFO. 8 weeks of the worst smell, dirtiest kitchen ive ever seen
but now that he's gone i couldn't be happier with my roommates.
you gotta tell your friend what's going on, give him a change to clean up his act. if that change doesn't happen, well, then you gotta 86 him =\
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On February 03 2011 13:14 Pika Chu wrote:
Make him read this.
I've had talks with him that go into far more than I wrote here. It's good for a week but then reverts back.
On February 03 2011 13:40 Torte de Lini wrote:
As for the roomate problem, I suggest moving out or finding someone new before you grow even more intolerant of your friend's problems and it causes problems in your relationship with him.
I own the place, so unless I want to take a 50k loss and sell the place -- me moving is not an option.
On February 03 2011 14:32 Kakera wrote:
So... What can't be posted on a public forum? I'm sure it's no worse than some of the other stuff I've seen on here.
Just because you read it here doesn't mean it should of been here. Once something is out on the internet there is no way to remove it; I'm sure Day9 knows that by now with his airplane story.
On February 03 2011 13:47 Gatsbi wrote:
I can't believe you told his girlfriend he was cheating on her. That's not your business in the least.
The worst thing about being cheated on is finding out everyone knew but you. It's not like he cheated on her and I told; I had a talk with him which basically was do it again you tell her or I do. She would find out eventually; no matter how slick you are the person will find out eventually. We all would drink/play board games/watch TV together.
On February 03 2011 14:16 LazySCV wrote:
Did he plan to pay you back for those months where he didn't have money?
Off-topic: I talk just like you do! Are you all-American?
He is not paying me back, not part of the deal; was out of a job and I didn't think he would go down the wrong road. All he has to do is start paying rent.
Also, I am 3rd Generation Italian which pretty much means 100% American.
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On February 03 2011 17:20 Torte de Lini wrote:
Mind your own business and let the friend deal with his own problems or weasel attitude. You're better than that, but you're also a respectable person who doesn't get into matters that don't concern him.
Sorry, I disagree. Kurr had it spot on imo. The amount of disrespect he's showing his girlfriend for cheating... and especially if the OP is a friend to her... and your doing... nothing. I can't imagine not telling her if I was even remotely close to her. If my gf cheated on me, I would be very angry if someone informed me. Not at them, but at her. But if I found out myself, and everyone else knew... well, I'd probably make the channel 5 news. I would beg of you to tell me immediately, so I'm not wasting anymore of my time. I think it's all situational though, so I can see where your coming from.
On the roommate problem, I don't think there's really anything you can do. Some people have horrendous living skills, and are very stubborn to change. He seems lazy and unmotivated, making it all the harder. I'd keep on trucking and putting up with it, while looking for a replacement. I'm sort of going through the same thing right now.
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ah dbl post
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As for the roommate problem, seems like a lost case. Try to sit down, agree on and write down rules. But honestly sounds like it wont work in this case.
And you seriously ratted out your best friend to his GF? That is just... unthinkable to me, i might not agree with the choices my friends do, but i will defend them every step of the way and would never ever rat them out. That is just a douchebag move...
I have known about some cheating, and have yealled at, screamed at, cursed at my friend at one time. But to actually rat on him? Never, i would rather end the friendship.
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Ya, because the one doing the cheating isn't the biggest douchebag yet right? Its a shitty situation, but your doing a much lesser evil to overcome a greater one. If she's a good person, I'd tell her everytime. It's out of respect for her. In my opinion, the real "rat" is the shithead who's doing the cheating.
I suppose if you saw a friend of yours beating on a girl in the middle of street you'd walk on by too. What would your mentality be like? "Not my problem, I'm not involved. Who ever steps in is a total douchebag. She probably deserved it anyway." ???
Whats the difference? Mental and physical pain? Where do you draw the line when people start getting hurt? Clearly you draw it somewhere, because you'd willingly allow emotions to get crushed in front of you. Who's to say you wouldn't let a few broken bones happen either. What about her? Don't you think she'd subconsciously appreciate being told? Great society we live in.
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Ouch. I know exactly how frustrating that is.
My old house had a similar roommate. His ONE FUCKING CHORE was to take the garbage out each week, and yet someone else had to do it at least half the time. Sooooo annoying. Just piled all his dirty dishes in the sink. Am I your maid or something? Eat a dick, and clean them yourself, or AT LEAST rinse them off before just letting old cereal/milk go bad in your room for 2 days before bringing it downstairs. FFFFFFFfffffuuuuuuuu
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+ Show Spoiler +On February 03 2011 23:24 Horrde wrote:
Ya, because the one doing the cheating isn't the biggest douchebag yet right? Its a shitty situation, but your doing a much lesser evil to overcome a greater one. If she's a good person, I'd tell her everytime. It's out of respect for her. In my opinion, the real "rat" is the shithead who's doing the cheating.
I suppose if you saw a friend of yours beating on a girl in the middle of street you'd walk on by too. What would your mentality be like? "Not my problem, I'm not involved. Who ever steps in is a total douchebag. She probably deserved it anyway." ???
Whats the difference? Mental and physical pain? Where do you draw the line when people start getting hurt? Clearly you draw it somewhere, because you'd willingly allow emotions to get crushed in front of you. Who's to say you wouldn't let a few broken bones happen either. What about her? Don't you think she'd subconsciously appreciate being told? Great society we live in.
Couldn't of said that better myself. Just because they are a friend doesn't mean they are always correct. I believe a good friend will stand up to his friends when they do something wrong; there is never an excuse for cheating. A friend will help a friend out of any situation but that doesn't mean he shouldn't look after himself first, after becoming part of the situation. By doing anything in someones house you affiliate them with the action; sure I'm not legally in trouble by cheating, but it would taint my character which is everlasting.
Think back in school at all the teachers you hated; weren't they the best ones? You hate them because they pushed you and overall were the more beneficial to you than the ones who let you just walk all over them.
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Kentor
United States5784 Posts
On February 03 2011 23:24 Horrde wrote:
Ya, because the one doing the cheating isn't the biggest douchebag yet right? Its a shitty situation, but your doing a much lesser evil to overcome a greater one. If she's a good person, I'd tell her everytime. It's out of respect for her. In my opinion, the real "rat" is the shithead who's doing the cheating.
I suppose if you saw a friend of yours beating on a girl in the middle of street you'd walk on by too. What would your mentality be like? "Not my problem, I'm not involved. Who ever steps in is a total douchebag. She probably deserved it anyway." ???
Whats the difference? Mental and physical pain? Where do you draw the line when people start getting hurt? Clearly you draw it somewhere, because you'd willingly allow emotions to get crushed in front of you. Who's to say you wouldn't let a few broken bones happen either. What about her? Don't you think she'd subconsciously appreciate being told? Great society we live in.
I blame Jersey Shore. But I gots to watch it every Thursday bro.
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Those are way two different degree of pain. What a horrible comparison.
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Your explanation was horrible. Nice reply buddy. You leave a one liner as a response, not even critiquing my logic, but isolating an example. Yeah, really justifying your point. Get some morals and then get back to me. Tell me oh wise leader, where is my logic flawed? Unbelievable.
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Turn it around then. If your girlfriend was fucking other guys behind your back, wouldn't you want to know about it? Especially so if you were seriously attached to her?
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lol you narced out your supposed best friend to a dumb girl you dont like, whose voice you'd only recognize if she was screaming out your rooomate's name. and then you whine that you didnt get laid
jealous much?? no wonder why youve been single for so long and why your roomie could care less about making you happy
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On February 04 2011 02:40 Horrde wrote:
Your explanation was horrible. Nice reply buddy. You leave a one liner as a response, not even critiquing my logic, but isolating an example. Yeah, really justifying your point. Get some morals and then get back to me. Tell me oh wise leader, where is my logic flawed? Unbelievable.
I didn't comment on it because I said all I had wanted to say.
My neutral argument would have went along the lines that it comes down to values: respect one's business or follow your morals and intervene.
Don't be provocative and look for a fight purely because of your passion in discussion. If I wanted to nitpick your examples and continue to banter with you, then I would do so. But I already know whatever I say won't change your mind or convince and thus I will save my energy.
If you're going to be critical because of my choice to step away from an argument, you need to set your focus on other more important things.
Thanks.
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On February 03 2011 23:24 Horrde wrote:
Ya, because the one doing the cheating isn't the biggest douchebag yet right? Its a shitty situation, but your doing a much lesser evil to overcome a greater one. If she's a good person, I'd tell her everytime. It's out of respect for her. In my opinion, the real "rat" is the shithead who's doing the cheating.
I suppose if you saw a friend of yours beating on a girl in the middle of street you'd walk on by too. What would your mentality be like? "Not my problem, I'm not involved. Who ever steps in is a total douchebag. She probably deserved it anyway." ???
Whats the difference? Mental and physical pain? Where do you draw the line when people start getting hurt? Clearly you draw it somewhere, because you'd willingly allow emotions to get crushed in front of you. Who's to say you wouldn't let a few broken bones happen either. What about her? Don't you think she'd subconsciously appreciate being told? Great society we live in.
You are seriously comparing physical violence against women to being unfaithful to your partner? There is a HUGE difference, and its pretty sad you cant see it. Do you not see a difference between rape and cheating also?
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On February 04 2011 07:53 Helios.Star wrote:Show nested quote +On February 03 2011 23:24 Horrde wrote:
Ya, because the one doing the cheating isn't the biggest douchebag yet right? Its a shitty situation, but your doing a much lesser evil to overcome a greater one. If she's a good person, I'd tell her everytime. It's out of respect for her. In my opinion, the real "rat" is the shithead who's doing the cheating.
I suppose if you saw a friend of yours beating on a girl in the middle of street you'd walk on by too. What would your mentality be like? "Not my problem, I'm not involved. Who ever steps in is a total douchebag. She probably deserved it anyway." ???
Whats the difference? Mental and physical pain? Where do you draw the line when people start getting hurt? Clearly you draw it somewhere, because you'd willingly allow emotions to get crushed in front of you. Who's to say you wouldn't let a few broken bones happen either. What about her? Don't you think she'd subconsciously appreciate being told? Great society we live in. You are seriously comparing physical violence against women to being unfaithful to your partner? There is a HUGE difference, and its pretty sad you cant see it. Do you not see a difference between rape and cheating also?
You can't argue with someone who has logical fallacies.
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Canada307 Posts
had a similar experience with friends from highschool when we moved to BC, moral of the story never ever ever room with RL friends that you actually like. Cause chances are one of you is gonna get sick of the other fast. Its been 2 years since i moved home and spent 2 years out there and I dont even talk to them anymore besides running into the one at hockey nights(beer league were on the same team)
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On February 04 2011 07:53 Helios.Star wrote:Show nested quote +On February 03 2011 23:24 Horrde wrote:
Ya, because the one doing the cheating isn't the biggest douchebag yet right? Its a shitty situation, but your doing a much lesser evil to overcome a greater one. If she's a good person, I'd tell her everytime. It's out of respect for her. In my opinion, the real "rat" is the shithead who's doing the cheating.
I suppose if you saw a friend of yours beating on a girl in the middle of street you'd walk on by too. What would your mentality be like? "Not my problem, I'm not involved. Who ever steps in is a total douchebag. She probably deserved it anyway." ???
Whats the difference? Mental and physical pain? Where do you draw the line when people start getting hurt? Clearly you draw it somewhere, because you'd willingly allow emotions to get crushed in front of you. Who's to say you wouldn't let a few broken bones happen either. What about her? Don't you think she'd subconsciously appreciate being told? Great society we live in. You are seriously comparing physical violence against women to being unfaithful to your partner? There is a HUGE difference, and its pretty sad you cant see it. Do you not see a difference between rape and cheating also?
There's a difference because people tell you there's a difference. You don't know how each thing effects people individually. I've seen people who got cheated on and they were DEVASTATED. To not acknowledge emotional pain is to be completely ignorant. It's like if your partner is in love with someone else, saying all their inner feelings to this other person sharing their thoughts etc. Technically it's not cheating but for me that'd be alot worse than my partner hooking up with a person randomly one night. Just because there's no phyiscal interaction does not mean it's not as horrible.
To have your trust violated with someone you thought you could trust completely is not a comparable experience. If you don't understand that then you've never trusted someone enough, and then had that trust violated. (sure there are obviously psychological aspects to getting beat up/raped etc)
I thought it was a fantastic point, I'd never let any of my friends who were girls get beat up physically or emotionally.
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I hear you man, I've had my share of shit roommates and all I can say is, most of them tend to get annoying as hell once you actually live with them for a long period of time. Kick him out and tell him why. You probably don't want to but you letting him off for all that crap isn't going to help his life out at all so by kicking him out you're doing him a favour. Maybe once he's gone he'll learn about responsibility and start manning up.
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Put rat poison into his pasta. Problem solved.
Now tell us a little bit more about your early engagement.
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On February 04 2011 02:45 Haemonculus wrote:
Turn it around then. If your girlfriend was fucking other guys behind your back, wouldn't you want to know about it? Especially so if you were seriously attached to her?
you can't turn it around. he's specifically friends with the boyfriend, not friends with the girlfriend. everyone wants to know the truth, but it wasn't the OP's place to tell it. If the OP was best friends with the girl INSTEAD, it's definitely justified. But that's not the case.
it's definately not OP's business to tell the girl about what his friend does
bros before hoes rule always apply no matter what
yes its bad for him to do it, but I think it's just as bad for the OP to rat out on his friend
you need to talk to your roommate and have a good talk about things, not hold it up inside
he might not be employed, but he might be unlucky. It can happen to anyone. Shouldn't you rather feel sorry for the guy rather than looking at him negatively? I'm sure he would rather have a job too, its just an unfortunate circumstance
OP, you're being an major asshole here, instead of wanting to support your friend during his unemployed days (which can happen to anyone), you label him as a slacker and use that as another reason to dislike him. Hell, you don't even know why he got fired and u just assumed he skipped too much. How does it affect you that he lost his job? As long as he pays his bills, why is it something you should dislike him for? I would NOT want to live with a guy like OP
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definitely would not of told his gf about the cheating... really his business and decisions not something i would involve myself in
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On February 04 2011 14:17 lastmotion wrote:Show nested quote +On February 04 2011 02:45 Haemonculus wrote:
Turn it around then. If your girlfriend was fucking other guys behind your back, wouldn't you want to know about it? Especially so if you were seriously attached to her? you can't turn it around. he's specifically friends with the boyfriend, not friends with the girlfriend. everyone wants to know the truth, but it wasn't the OP's place to tell it. If the OP was best friends with the girl INSTEAD, it's definitely justified. But that's not the case. it's definately not OP's business to tell the girl about what his friend does bros before hoes rule always apply no matter what yes its bad for him to do it, but I think it's just as bad for the OP to rat out on his friend you need to talk to your roommate and have a good talk about things, not hold it up inside he might not be employed, but he might be unlucky. It can happen to anyone. Shouldn't you rather feel sorry for the guy rather than looking at him negatively? I'm sure he would rather have a job too, its just an unfortunate circumstance OP, you're being an major asshole here, instead of wanting to support your friend during his unemployed days (which can happen to anyone), you label him as a slacker and use that as another reason to dislike him. Hell, you don't even know why he got fired and u just assumed he skipped too much. How does it affect you that he lost his job? As long as he pays his bills, why is it something you should dislike him for? I would NOT want to live with a guy like OP
Let me get this straight. OP is being an asshole because someone is pretty clearly (in my opinion) taking advantage of his generous nature. He already answered all your points : he isn't paying bills (although the OP agreed to that so it's hard to hold that against him at this point), he did have talks with him which amounted to nothing, and he's hanging out with a bad crowd which is why he's assuming the worst for his layoff and the possibilities for the future.
I have a friend who JUST got out of a similar roommate situation. Didn't pay the bills, didn't hold a steady job, a pain to be around. He promised him he would pay everything back despite always being late on rent and all the services. My friend got into some decent debt (nothing major but a setback for a few months for sure) until he had enough and canceled all his services, contracts and moved elsewhere. He's never going to see a cent that is owed to him, because some people are just that terrible. This feels like a pretty similar situation to me, and I get that feeling because that's what the OP himself wrote. Clearly, since he's the one living this situation, he knows best how it's going to end. It doesn't take a genius to figure out when someone is using you.
Still, props to the TL community. Most forums are usually 100% "cheating is OK" posts in these type of discussions so it's nice to see an actual debate where only half of the people are on that side of the subject for a change (which is about the % of people that cheat anyway). Where else could you find people with normal morals on the cesspool of crap known as the internet.
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On February 04 2011 15:12 Kurr wrote:Show nested quote +On February 04 2011 14:17 lastmotion wrote:On February 04 2011 02:45 Haemonculus wrote:
Turn it around then. If your girlfriend was fucking other guys behind your back, wouldn't you want to know about it? Especially so if you were seriously attached to her? you can't turn it around. he's specifically friends with the boyfriend, not friends with the girlfriend. everyone wants to know the truth, but it wasn't the OP's place to tell it. If the OP was best friends with the girl INSTEAD, it's definitely justified. But that's not the case. it's definately not OP's business to tell the girl about what his friend does bros before hoes rule always apply no matter what yes its bad for him to do it, but I think it's just as bad for the OP to rat out on his friend you need to talk to your roommate and have a good talk about things, not hold it up inside he might not be employed, but he might be unlucky. It can happen to anyone. Shouldn't you rather feel sorry for the guy rather than looking at him negatively? I'm sure he would rather have a job too, its just an unfortunate circumstance OP, you're being an major asshole here, instead of wanting to support your friend during his unemployed days (which can happen to anyone), you label him as a slacker and use that as another reason to dislike him. Hell, you don't even know why he got fired and u just assumed he skipped too much. How does it affect you that he lost his job? As long as he pays his bills, why is it something you should dislike him for? I would NOT want to live with a guy like OP Let me get this straight. OP is being an asshole because someone is pretty clearly (in my opinion) taking advantage of his generous nature. He already answered all your points : he isn't paying bills (although the OP agreed to that so it's hard to hold that against him at this point), he did have talks with him which amounted to nothing, and he's hanging out with a bad crowd which is why he's assuming the worst for his layoff and the possibilities for the future. I have a friend who JUST got out of a similar roommate situation. Didn't pay the bills, didn't hold a steady job, a pain to be around. He promised him he would pay everything back despite always being late on rent and all the services. My friend got into some decent debt (nothing major but a setback for a few months for sure) until he had enough and canceled all his services, contracts and moved elsewhere. He's never going to see a cent that is owed to him, because some people are just that terrible. This feels like a pretty similar situation to me, and I get that feeling because that's what the OP himself wrote. Clearly, since he's the one living this situation, he knows best how it's going to end. It doesn't take a genius to figure out when someone is using you. Still, props to the TL community. Most forums are usually 100% "cheating is OK" posts in these type of discussions so it's nice to see an actual debate where only half of the people are on that side of the subject for a change (which is about the % of people that cheat anyway). Where else could you find people with normal morals on the cesspool of crap known as the internet.
No one is taking advantage of the OP. He happens to have a roommate with bad habits. Those bad habits can be compromised or maybe fixed, but we need time to find out. Maybe the guy doesn't have bad habits but according to OP's living standards he does, so its all relative.
The core reason why I said OP was being an asshole here was because he ratted out his friend over a serious matter like cheating AND he labeled his roommate as a slacker just because he lost his job, and assumes he lost his job over skipping when he doesn't even know. The roommate IS paying the bills, the OP clearly said that he will get the courage to kick him out IF the roommate cannot pay the bills. No one is using anybody, why would you even think that? His roommate just happens to have bad living habits and lost his job due to unfortunate circumstance.
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Baltimore, USA22254 Posts
On February 03 2011 15:45 Kurr wrote:
My only problem now is neighbours. I can't wait to have my own HOUSE instead of an apartment. Seriously, the guy who lives upstairs talks so loudly I can hear him through my earplugs or through my computer headphones with music blasting when I'm not sleeping at 1 AM... when he's on the PHONE! When people are there it's even louder. I really hate not having my own quiet place.
Roommates are always worse than neighbours too so yeah, I really don't want another roommate even if having my own apartment costs a ton. If I was forced to have a roommate for financial reasons, I would just declare bankruptcy or something because I can't live like that again.
Amen to that.
I just recently (3 months ago) purchased my first house and got away from all that renting garbage. I couldn't be fucking happier. Especially since we (me + wife) moved to a very rural area where it's very peaceful and quiet, even on weekends.
I love it and don't think I could ever go back.
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Okay lets get this all straight. He isn't paying bills but that is my fault as I said he didn't have to worry about it because he was telling me he had another job lined up so it was going to be a 1-2 month wait not a 4 month. However he got involved in the wrong crowd which ultimately prevented him from getting that job. He has a job now but is using his money elsewhere after saying he could start paying again when I asked; so that is my main reason for kicking him out. I charge him $500/m utilities included, which is pretty generous to begin with; if he can't pay that something is seriously wrong.
To the debate if I should or shouldn't of told on him, it's not like it happened one time and i instantly ratted him out. I stumbled in on it twice; he had a choice after the first time to move out if he was going to be that type of guy. I won't give my friends some sort of special treatment just because they are my friends. However when I gave him the warning he asked for a few days as he wanted to wait till after Halloween, he said he would tell her; instead he used those four days to convince her I was going to lie about it so she wouldn't believe me. However, the trust was gone and she found out on her own after that. If you are going to make a mistake, you have to own up to it; especially if it doesn't have any "serious" side effects (jail).
But as I have stated before I treat other people how I'd like to be treated. If I was in a relationship and someone was cheating on me for a long period of time; I wish someone would bite the bullet and just tell me. It is much easier for people on the outside to see when people cheat as the person isn't trying to hide it from them and of course love blinds.
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On February 04 2011 15:12 Kurr wrote:
Still, props to the TL community. Most forums are usually 100% "cheating is OK" posts in these type of discussions so it's nice to see an actual debate where only half of the people are on that side of the subject for a change (which is about the % of people that cheat anyway). Where else could you find people with normal morals on the cesspool of crap known as the internet.
Yeah. I couldn't agree more with what you and lpp have said in this thread. I find it disappointing that torte de lini and helios.star seem to be very superficial thinkers, but it's not like I had respect (or disrespect) for them as posters before anyway. I love how choosing to step in and try and save someone some heartache is seen as a logical fallacy. Very close minded and one dimensional of you to say, torte de retard. Honestly.
On February 04 2011 07:53 Helios.Star wrote:
You are seriously comparing physical violence against women to being unfaithful to your partner? There is a HUGE difference, and its pretty sad you cant see it. Do you not see a difference between rape and cheating also?
There's a difference because people tell you there's a difference. You don't know how each thing effects people individually. I've seen people who got cheated on and they were DEVASTATED. To not acknowledge emotional pain is to be completely ignorant. It's like if your partner is in love with someone else, saying all their inner feelings to this other person sharing their thoughts etc. Technically it's not cheating but for me that'd be alot worse than my partner hooking up with a person randomly one night. Just because there's no phyiscal interaction does not mean it's not as horrible.
Well said and quoted for the insight that helios desperately needs. I think you really failed to grasp the deeper meaning of this thread, and just posted with how you see things on the surface. It's nice knowing that there is people out there on this board that don't suffer from the dumb. You can choose to step in or step back, but don't call it a logical fallacy because you fail to understand it and some others do. That in itself is a logical fallacy, rofl.
Edited for below post: No doubt it is unorthodox, but look who I'm trying to make understand... not exactly the sharpest tools in the shed these ones. We've already had someone say it was a fantastic point, so your factitious point that it's stupid is your opinion. Grab a seat next to beavis and butthead here.
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no sorry, cheating sucks but that is one goddamn stupid analogy
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Comparing cheating with physical abuse is absurd. Deliberate emotional abuse, maybe. Cheating sucks, and having been cheated on in the past, I can tell you how absolutely crushing it is when you're really attached to or invested in the guy. But saying it's anything like physical abuse is ridiculous. I honestly don't think many men really understand the concept of what it's like to be intimidated/hurt by someone *that* much stronger than you.
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I feel you man, this year my roomate is awful, never empties the trash, never does the dishes, his room is a complete mess. He never does anything voluntarily, you have to ask him to do something. He basically lived his whole life having people doing everything for him so his he barely has any life skills.
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On February 04 2011 19:49 Ipp wrote:
To the debate if I should or shouldn't of told on him, it's not like it happened one time and i instantly ratted him out. I stumbled in on it twice; he had a choice after the first time to move out if he was going to be that type of guy. I won't give my friends some sort of special treatment just because they are my friends. However when I gave him the warning he asked for a few days as he wanted to wait till after Halloween, he said he would tell her; instead he used those four days to convince her I was going to lie about it so she wouldn't believe me. However, the trust was gone and she found out on her own after that. If you are going to make a mistake, you have to own up to it; especially if it doesn't have any "serious" side effects (jail).
But as I have stated before I treat other people how I'd like to be treated. If I was in a relationship and someone was cheating on me for a long period of time; I wish someone would bite the bullet and just tell me. It is much easier for people on the outside to see when people cheat as the person isn't trying to hide it from them and of course love blinds.
Thank fucking you.
Now everyone can shut up about this.
This is exactly what I would have done.
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EPT
