EPTI live for victory.
--
It's kinda late.
I've been playing and watching Starcraft all night. So now I want to write about it.
The question I always get when someone finds out about professional Starcraft, and my interest in it, is,
"How can you be so dedicated to a video game?"
I always stumble a little when I think of a reply.
"Well...it's fun."
After that whoever's asking, and whoever shares their opinion of Starcraft as a professional, competitive sport, roll their eyes and go off about how these people are wasting their lives playing a video game, and so am I. Aren't I? I mean, it’s just like, a game. And stuff.
Well, there's these tired arguments of how people playing football (American) and football, baseball, basketball, and so on, are doing the same thing. They're not contributing to the world or the rest of society in the noble, but vague sense that every human being has an obligation to improve the lot of humanity. And yet we still hold those great athletes--Kobe Bryant, Tom Brady, David Beckham (maybe? Or maybe Wayne Rooney? I don't know, I'm not familiar with football) and so on in such high regard. Usually a requirement of physical exertion is put thrown into the arena as an end-all. But hey, pro chess players are (were? or was that an outgrowth of the Cold War?) held in the highest regard worldwide.
So why not a bunch of guys playing a computer game?
It's not so much about a defense of the profession of playing Starcraft (or an e-Sport, to be more general) to me, though. Generally, it seems to me that the people who invest themselves so deeply into that argument harbor some hope, deep down inside, that they might make it big playing a computer game too.
But I divested myself of such bullshit a long time ago, when after 2 years of playing, I couldn't get to D+ on iCCup.
It's not about legitimacy to me, not anymore. Professional Starcraft is legitimate to me, beyond any doubt.
That's not what this note is about.
This note is about why I still watch and play Starcraft.
Even though I suck.
Let’s take a statistical dip in to my Starcraft career…
Over 2 years,
Out of 674 games played,
I’ve won 224,
And lost 450.
I have a 33.23% win rate.
That’s enough to earn me a D rating.
Starcraft is the one thing I just can’t get an A in.
But,
I keep playing.
Sometimes I ask myself why.
After an 11 game losing streak,
Why do I keep playing this fucking game? I’m not good, and I’m obviously not getting better.
And then I ended the skid and won 3 games straight.
I laughed to myself about it, and asked myself again,
“Why am I still playing this stupid game?”
Why? It’s just a computer game, right?
So what keeps me coming back?
There isn’t a eureka moment of enlightenment that answers that question. As I reflected on the games I’ve played, my hands started tapping out my hotkey setup and fiddling with an invisible mouse.
And I realized,
It’s in the nervous anticipation of the early game, as I warm up my hands, readying for the breakneck pace that defines this game.
And as the game continues its flow, I get lost. I’m not just playing a computer game anymore.
It’s become something greater.
The units I’m directing onscreen aren’t just a bunch of pixels anymore,
They’re my palette,
And with them I’m painting my portrait of Lady Conquest.
My keyboard becomes like another
I’m playing out an etude of my own composition as I tap my hotkeys as rapidly as I can.
And it’s in those 3 seconds or less.
Those 3 seconds or less where my armies clash and victory or defeat is sealed,
Those 3 seconds or less where nothing matters but your own skill,
Those 3 seconds or less where you are in complete control of your destiny.
Why do I keep coming back?
Because I live for victory, and victory can't be attained without failure.
